It's Not Over
by XxMemento MorixX
Summary: After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.
1. Prologue: Only the Beginning

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

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><p><strong>This story will contain domestic violence. Not graphic, but if you are not comfortable with that, please stop reading. Not all the chapters will contain abuse, and I will be sure to warn everyone at the beginning of the chapter where it will be. But if you are disturbed by it, please don't continue. There will also be language, underage drinking and implied sexual themes. Again, if you are not comfortable with it, please stop now.<strong>

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><p><strong>"There are different kinds of love, but they all have the same aim: possession"<strong>

**- Andre Gide**

**Prologue: Only the Beginning**

**Flashback: August 2002  
><strong>

It was the night of her eighteenth birthday. They'd just wrapped graduation a month ago, and she was out with friends at a finally-free-of-the-hell-that-is-school beach party. Despite it being nighttime, the Florida heat was in full force, and even though it was almost one in the morning, the party was still in full swing.

"So how does it feel to finally be legal?" Jessica asked, raising her cup to Bella. Bella stood in between her two friends from school, Angela and Jessica, at the makeshift bar.

Bella laughed in response. "It feels the same way it did yesterday when I was seventeen."

It hadn't really hit Bella yet that she was of the legal age, that in a month's time she would be leaving home to go to college and pursue her degree in photography. She tried not to dwell on that too much because whilst she was glad to finally go out on her own, she hated having to leave her mother behind. Bella's father passed away when she was eleven, leaving Bella's mother, Renee, to raise Bella on her own. Because they were all they had in the world, Bella and her mother were very close. But tonight was her birthday night, so she pushed all thoughts of her deceased father and college out of her mind and let herself enjoy this moment with her friends.

Jessica and Bella were not _totally_ drunk, but they were getting there. Angela hadn't drunk any figuring someone had to be sober to get them home later.

"Look who showed up," Jessica said, pointing across a few yards from where they stood.

Looking up, Bella saw him.

Edward.

He was talking to some guy, but his eyes were roaming over the crowd.

Bella and Edward had dated for a few weeks during high school. He was the boy every girl wanted. He was rich, handsome and drop dead gorgeous. With green eyes and reddish brown hair, he was every girl's fantasy guy.

He was also the unattainable guy.

Every girl had tried to make their move, but he never went for any of them - except Bella, and she hadn't even been trying. They were biology partners, and they'd hit it off right away. They shared a taste for similar books, music and movies. The relationship started well, but then another side of Edward came out. One day, he was the sweetest guy she'd ever met. The next, he was possessive, controlling and overbearing. Demanding to know where she was at all times and getting angry when she so much as looked at another guy, and if he called her and she didn't answer immediately, he would accuse her of cheating on him. He would try to dictate her every move and throw a tantrum if she dared see her other friends. He was controlling, and she refused to be controlled. They'd had more screaming matches than she cared to admit, till a few days ago she'd had enough and broke it off with him. She did like him, a lot, but the possessiveness was just too much.

Edward did not take it well.

He followed her and begged her to give him another chance, and when she refused, he got angry. Jessica and Angela knew Bella and Edward had dated and broken up, but they didn't know the real reason why. Bella never told them about Edward's violent nature or the rows they'd had. She just told them that they'd just fallen out of love.

She hadn't expected him to be here, but now that he was, she considered bailing so she wouldn't have to deal with him. But she didn't want Edward to think he had any control over her so she stayed. Turning her back on him, she focused instead on enjoying time with her friends.

"Let's play one tequila, two tequila," Jessica said, handing Bella a shot glass.

"Okay." Turning to Angela, Bella asked. "You'll drive, right?"

"Sure. My parents are home. If I come home smelling like alcohol, I can forget about college. They'll ship me off to a convent."

Bella's mother was working late, and Jessica's parents never cared when their daughter came home just that she did so they wouldn't have to spend money bailing her out of anything. A few minutes later, both girls were plowed, giggling at things that weren't even funny.

"What the hell are you doing?" Edward's voice came from behind her.

His voice made her jump, but before she could respond, he grabbed her hand and pulled her away from Jessica and Angela, who were laughing as Bella stumbled behind him. When they reached a distance away, he turned on her. His eyes were stormy, his jaw hard. Bella couldn't stop herself from getting an eyeful of him. Edward was handsome. She couldn't help but wish he had a personality to match it.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he asked again.

"Who the fuck are you to think you can get in my business?" Bella snapped back. "Don't you remember? We are _over_."

His eyes blazed at her words. "We are not over," he seethed.

She tried to walk away from him, but he grabbed her arm and refused to let her go.

"Let me go," she said, twisting her hand from his.

"Why? So you can go over there and get drunk? Absolutely not, and what the hell are you wearing?" His eyes roamed over her black tank top and jeans. There it was again- his possessive nature. She didn't care how hot or sweet he was; she refused to be controlled by him.

"Fuck you!" With a final yank, she pulled her arm free and stalked away from him angrily.

"What's up with you and Edward?" Angela asked when Bella had returned. Jessica was gone, probably out searching for her next bottle of booze. "I thought you'd broken it off with him."

"I did," Bella said. Her tone stopped Angela from continuing.

As the night continued, Bella could feel Edward's eyes on her wherever she went. She tried to ignore him, but it was hard. She could feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of her head. He'd always hated her drinking.

A malicious thought occurred to her then. If he wanted to watch, why not give him a show?

She wanted to prove to him that he did not own her. As if right on cue, one of her high school classmates, Tyler, came next to her where she was sitting on the sand. Jessica was already making out with Mike Newton, another classmate, somewhere, and Angela was chatting up some of her friends from her old drama class. Tyler had been coming onto her all night. She'd ignored him, but now she decided to have a little fun. She waited for him to try to strike up a conversation with her, and this time instead of ignoring him, she talked to him. Briefly looking up, she saw Edward's eyes harden. He was talking to Ben, but his eyes never left her.

"So you excited for college?" Tyler asked, his hand grazing over hers. She tried not to pull away.

"Yeah. It should be good." She smiled at him.

He smiled back thinking he'd finally worn her down.

"What about you?" She began leaning into him, hoping to guide him along. Bella had never been a flirt. Edward was the first and only guy she'd ever dated, but the alcohol was making her do things she'd never do sober. Like flirt with Tyler while trying to piss Edward off purposefully.

Tyler swallowed thickly, and when he answered, his voice was shaky. She couldn't believe she was actually pulling it off.

"You bet. It would be nice to finally get out of my parents' house."

He leaned into her as well till they were just inches apart.

Then Tyler's lips pressed to hers. It was brief but it was enough.

"Bella, can I talk to you?" Edward's voice came from behind her. Turning around, she was surprised to see him standing there. She could feel the anger coming off of him in waves. If looks could kill, she would be six feet under.

"Tyler, excuse us," he said, turning to her companion.

At first, Tyler looked as though he would protest, but the glare on Edward's face said he was not to be crossed.

"I'll see you in a few Bella." Tyler stood and quickly walked away.

"What the fuck are you playing?" His voice was quiet and deadly. He stooped close to her. Bella couldn't believe that the guy she had shared books and movies with and liked a lot, who was sweet and had a smile that could brighten any day, had transformed into this asshole.

"Playing? I'm not playing anything. I'm just hoping to move on. Maybe you should too."

She tried standing up, but he stopped her by grabbing her arm and holding her in place. This was the second time for the night that Edward had put his hands on her. When they'd dated he would turn violent, often grabbing her or pushing her around, but Bella always fought back refusing to let him have any kind of power over her.

"We are not done," he snarled.

"Yes, we are. I don't know what the hell is your problem, but there is nothing between us anymore, so do us both a favor and leave me the hell_ alone_."

She stood then, and even though he was pissed, he didn't stop her.

"It's not over," he said again as she walked away.

Without turning, she shot back the bird and a "_Fuck you_!"

As she walked away from him, their argument was over for the night, but Bella had no idea how much more there was to come. She had no idea of the marriage she would be forced into, or the torment she would face. Or of the child they would have together in the midst of it. She didn't know that when Edward said "It's not over," he meant it.

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><p><strong>While studying SWRK, the topic of domestic violence and possessive boyfriends often come up. Some argue that a possessiveviolent boyfriend can change, others believe differently. Whilst this story in no way reflects my opinions on it, some story ideas came to me so I penned them down. I know each of us have our own belief (that's okay no matter what it is) but please remember this is not based on any actual events or to be taken too seriously. This is fiction.**

**Here's hoping it caught your attention. If it did, please review and while reviewing, if it is okay, can you give me your opinion on the topic of possessive/violent boyfriends/husbands and if you believe they can change? I'm curious. **

**Special thanks to Project Team Beta, mcc101180 & thalia-csiny for proof-reading.**

**Till next time.  
><strong>


	2. All I Need

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

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><p><strong>"Sadness is always the legacy of the past; regrets are pains of the memory"<strong>

**- Author Unknown**

**Chapter 1: All I Need**

**May 2006  
><strong>

"_I told you it wasn't over_," his voice was sharp, and even in her dreams it caused chills to run down her spine. Part of her sleeping brain knew it was just a dream, but seeing her biggest fear in front of her, scared her too much.

Bella woke with a gasp, her breaths coming in fast huffs. Every time she blinked, she kept seeing his face, unchanged by the years they'd been apart. In her dreams, he was still the sick person he was when they'd been together. Still the same monster.

"It's okay, it's not real. It's okay." The dream had felt so real that she had to keep telling herself over and over to calm down. It happened almost every night for the past four years. She would dream of him, dream he'd found her. Found_ them_. Thankfully, it always ended around this part. What would happen if he found her? She didn't want to know. She couldn't bear the thought.

When her breathing finally returned to normal, Bella looked at her clock.

6:15 a.m

Lying in bed, she listened for any sounds coming from the other room, but it was still quiet. Pulling herself out of bed, she made her way over to the window. Pulling the thin curtain aside, she looked out into the rainy morning. Rain. Of course it was. That was all it ever did in Forks. With a population of fewer than four thousand, Bella had gone there to escape her past and start a new life for her and her daughter. Forks, with its constant rain, was a complete one-eighty from the sunny Florida sun she was use to. But it was far enough from _him_ that it would have to suffice.

Her back ached a bit from sleeping on the mattress on the floor, but she had no choice. She could only afford one bed and Alexis was sleeping on it. Walking down the hall to Alexis's room, she was greeted with the form of her daughter. Or, their daughter. Alexis was fast asleep; her chest rising and falling with each breath, the bear Bella had gotten her on her first birthday, gripped in her arms.

At three years old, Alexis was the perfect combination of her parents. With her ivory skin and a smile that melted your heart, she had her mommy wrapped around her fingers since the day she was born. She had her grandfather's, Bella's father's, curls, and Bella's shaped eyes. Except for the color. She had her father's green eyes. Bella smiled slightly to herself. Despite everything that had happened, the one good thing that came out of it was Alexis. Bella loved her daughter more than words could ever express.

At that moment, she wished she could sleep as peacefully as her daughter. Carefree without the memories.

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><p><em>"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Angela said as Bella came out of her car. <em>

_Jessica was passed out in the front seat from too much alcohol, so Angela, true to her word, was the driver._

_"Okay, take care," Bella said as she waved them off and made her way to her house. _

_It was almost 4:00 am when Bella finally made it inside. The house was quiet. Bella's mother worked the night shift to make ends meet so there was no one to smell the alcohol on her. _

_That was the one thing Bella was glad for. At least when she left for college, her mother would have one less person to care for. Making her way up to her bedroom, she dropped her keys and phone on her dresser table, then fell back onto her bed. A cool breeze was coming through her open window. It lifted her curtains and chilled the room. Bella closed her eyes, resting for a few minutes before she took a bath and changed her clothes. A small thump caused her to jump and her heart race. _

_Sitting up, Bella saw Edward standing in front of her open window. He was dressed in the same clothes she'd seen him in earlier but something about him was...off._

_"What the hell are you doing here?" _

_This was too much for her. Harassing her was one thing but entering her home like that? If he kept this up, she would have to file a restraining order against him. _

_"I had to see you," Edward said. He looked - strange. His green eyes seemed dark and hot somehow, as if he were burning inside. His face was tense and grim. There was a sort of electricity in the air, but it wasn't a good electricity. _

_It was purely dangerous. _

_Her mind screamed at her to get the hell away from him. That he was bordering on psychotic. _

_But, this was Edward. He wouldn't really hurt her. Would he?_

_"And I told you, it was over between us," she snapped at him. "Now get the hell out of my house." _

_"I know you did. But it can't be. I can't stay away, Bella. I just can't. I can't bear the thought of being without you. I need you. I love you, and I can't let you go. It makes me _crazy_ just thinking about it." Crazy seemed to be the adequate word. "It causes me _pain_ to think of living without you._

_"Please take me back. Please. I can't live without you," his voice sounded pained and desperate._

_Bella's heart seemed to jump into her throat and stay there, pounding hard. Her palms were sweating, but she refused to wipe them because that would only show how scared she was. She fought to keep her face calm. _

_"You have to understand," Edward was saying."Please try to understand. I need you. We were meant to be together. Without you, I'm nothing." _

_He took a step toward her. His green eyes seemed black and fathomless, and Bella could almost feel their heat. As he took his step towards her, she took one back. _

_"Say you understand," Edward said. He reached a pleading hand toward her, as if trying to grasp onto the relationship they'd had._

_"I understand," Bella said grimly. "And I still want you to stay away from me."_

_"I can't. I have to make sure we'll be together, the way we were meant to be. And there's only one way to do that."_

_His eyes seemed to be filled with a sudden determination. They narrowed at her. Her eyes meanwhile, widened with fear._

_"I need to make sure that you'll always be mine."_

_He took a step towards her, causing Bella to take another back._

_"Yours?"_

_He crossed the room towards her and she stepped back till she was pressed against her wall. He knelt on one knee, and taking her hand in his, he gripped it tightly._

_"Bella, I love you and I always will. Please, please marry me. You will be happy. I promise."_

_"Happy?" Her mind seemed to be moving too slowly. It couldn't comprehend that her obsessed ex-boyfriend had just proposed to her. "I will _never_ be yours," she whispered. _

_What would ever possess him to think she would ever marry him? She didn't know, but no words would ever make her willingly go down a dangerous path like that with him. _

_Suddenly, she was furious. Angry that he'd think such a thing._

_"You're disgusting. I hate you. And nothing can ever make me love you ag-"_

_She didn't get to finish. In one swift movement, he was standing in front of her. And then he grabbed her._

"_You'll change your mind," Edward said. He grabbed her arms and attempted to pin them at her sides, but she fought against him. They stumbled and she landed hard on the floor, but he wouldn't let her go. They struggled for a while, till he had her pinned on the floor of her bedroom, holding her arms at the side of her head. She cried out for help but he swept both her hands into one of his and the other covered her mouth. She was immobilized. _

_"Please," he said again straddling her, holding her down. "Just say you'll be mine. Say you'll marry me"_

_She shook her head. Her eyes angry and fierce. _

_"Why not?" he yelled at her. "So you can be with some piss-ant like Tyler? He could never love you like I do, and that stunt you pulled with him just reinforced what I already knew. That if I don't have you now, I could lose you forever. Just marry me, Bella. Once it's over you will be happy. I promise. You'll be safe with me. Happy with me."_

_He removed his hand from her mouth to hear her response._

_"I will never marry you!"_

_"You'll change your mind."_

_Holding her arms at the side of her body, he pulled her up until they were both standing. Bella attempted to twist herself away but his grip was too strong. He began dragging her towards the door. Fear gripped Bella that he would actually try to kidnap her. The sound of tires on the gravel outside caused them both to freeze. A few seconds later, a car door slammed._

_Renee had returned._

_Bella attempted to yell out to her mother, but Edward slammed her into the wall next to the door. Covering her mouth with his hands, he pressed his lips close to her ear._

_"If, you tell her or anyone anything about what happened I will end them. You may not know this, Bella, but I have the means and the resources to get what I want, and I want _you_. This is not over between us." _

_He let go of her and strode to her window. With one last determined look at her, he went through her window and into the night. _

_Bella should have told her mother right away what had happened in her room. She should have told her what Edward did to her and showed her the marks their struggle had left on her arms, but she didn't. Edward's threat scared her into silence. She never told her mother about that night. Maybe if she had, things would have been different. Maybe if she had, none of this would have happened. _

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><p>It was six-thirty when Bella finally shook Alexis awake. They both needed to get to school. Alexis was grumpy at first but cheered up as soon as Bella turned on the old radio in the living room. The house they lived in was small and falling apart. Bella stayed there when she first moved to Forks, paying rent to the elderly couple who owned it up until the husband had passed away. After that, she was surprised to see he had signed the house over to her. The house might have been nice at one point, but at that moment, not so much. It was old and Bella found it hard to keep up with the utilities and maintenance. Being a single mother, working part time, and going to school made that even harder. She was studying to be a nurse, which was ironic seeing as she hated the sight of blood. But in such a small town, nursing was the second highest paying job after doctor. She had to make sacrifices to make a good life for Alexis. She worked during the night at a gas station. It would have been better to do it the other way around, work during the day and go to school at night, but with Alexis in preschool during the day, she did not have the extra money to pay for care at night. So, Alexis came with her to her job.<p>

"Mommy-o," Alexis said, while Bella turned to lock the door behind them.

"Yes?" Bella answered without turning. The door was jammed and wouldn't close easily. It took some yanking but she managed to close and lock it.

"Can we get pizza tonight?"

Bella tried not to wince too much. Pizza was a luxury she could not afford right now. She knew the bills would start rolling in soon enough.

"Maybe another time," Bella said to pacify her.

Thankfully, Alexis was not a demanding child, so after a moment, she went on to talk about circles and Santa Claus. Bella dropped Alexis off at preschool then made her way to her own school.

Before, when she saw her future, Bella saw herself going to the New York Institute of Photography. Earning her degree and finally being able to open up her studio. Nowhere in her plans did she see herself living in the middle of _bum-fuck_ nowhere with a daughter, going to a community college, studying to be a nurse, while eluding her monster of a husband. The classes at the school weren't bad, they were just not something she ever planned to do. Just thinking about what it would actually be like in the ER made her sick to her stomach. But as always, she thought more of how this was better for Alexis. When the last class came, and they were practicing drawing blood, Bella had to fight not to pass out in the middle of the room.

When her classes eventually ended, she stopped off at home to make dinner for Alexis to take with them, but the cupboards were bare and the fridge was the same. Tears sprang to her eyes in frustration that she couldn't even make a meal for her child but she wiped them away quickly. Tears never solved anything. They were just weakness in her eyes. She knew she didn't have enough cash to buy anything. She wouldn't get paid until later that night, so she would have to take Alexis to the Center for dinner.

After giving up her search, Bella went through her bills, which did not help her mood. They were filled with numerous last notices. From the electricity to the heat, they were all threatening to cut her off because of long overdue balances. She left the house a few minutes later in frustration. Alexis was in a happy mood when Bella picked her up from school. She talked endlessly about her day and all the latest drama at her school. Bella couldn't help but be cheered up by her daughter. Alexis had the uncanny ability to brighten up even the darkest of days. After a quick visit to the swings at the park, Bella and Alexis made their way over to the Center.

"Where are we going?" Alexis called from the backseat of Bella's truck. The truck was a piece of junk. It was a gift from the same couple who gave her the house, but with the way things were going, she might have to sell it just to make ends meet.

"We're going over to the Center for dinner."

The Center was an organization that provided free meals to children whose parents couldn't. The catch was that only children, whose parents didn't work were allowed to receive, so Bella couldn't go in with her. The town was small enough that people knew Bella worked. Alexis had a better chance blending in with the other children. The other downside was the meals were only provided for children so Bella would have to do without. She didn't mind. She was just glad that Alexis was taken care of.

When they reached the Center, Bella looked for one of the older kids who might take Alexis inside. She spotted a girl about fifteen heading in, so she stopped her.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure." The girl seemed nice enough and Bella prayed she was not trusting her daughter to a crazy teen.

"Can you take her inside?"

"Sure," she held her hand out to Alexis, who took it after a moment of hesitation.

"I'll be right here when you're finished," Bella assured her.

Bella watched Alexis go in with the girl. When the door closed behind them, she sat close by on one of the benches people-watching while she waited. Almost a half hour later, Bella saw the girl run out and Alexis was not with her.

"Hey!" Bella called after her. She didn't stop, she just kept going.

Fear gripped Bella, but before she could panic more, a small voice called from behind her,

"Mommy!" Turning, Bella sighed with relief when she saw Alexis coming towards her. She held her arms out and hugged her as soon as she was within distance.

"Close your eyes. I have a surprise for you."

"Okay."

"Tada." Opening her eyes, Bella saw a pink cupcake in Alexis's small hand. It was squeezed slightly on the sides from being gripped too tightly. "I saved it for you."

"Thank you," Bella said, pressing her lips to her little girl's head then accepting the treat. By the time they made it to Bella's work, the sun had long since set.

"Hey, Bella, Alexis!" Victoria, Bella's co-worker called from behind the counter. Victoria sighed with relief that her shift was finally over.

"Hey," Bella called back, less enthusiastic.

Victoria was nice, but too much of a talker for Bella. While Bella was positioning Alexis on one of the stools behind the counter, Victoria jumped into one of her latest gossips.

"Did James call you yet?"

Bella's hand froze. This could not be good. Victoria took her silence as a negative so she launched into her story "James is cutting pay again. Some crap about times being tough," she huffed, her hands on her hips.

Bella groaned. This was the fourth time James cut pay in the last four months. She was barely making ends meet as it is. She didn't know how much more cut backs she could take. She had at least another year before she graduated from school. With the rate James was cutting pay, she and Alexis might not even make it until then.

"Yeah it sucks. That's fuck-."

"Victoria!" Bella admonished, nodding towards Alexis who was coloring, but Bella was sure she was listening.

"Sorry. But can you blame me? Cost of living is going up but our pay is dropping. It's getting so hard."

Bella wanted to point out that Victoria didn't have children and still lived with her parents so technically she didn't know hard, but figuring she wouldn't want to start a fight with her, Bella held her tongue. After some small talk, Victoria left, leaving Bella and Alexis to 'the graveyard shift'. After five rounds of tic-tac-toe Alexis fell asleep, leaning on the counter. The place was quiet. Outside, Bella could hear the occasional sound of cars passing on the wet road.

After coming from laying Alexis down on one of the couches in the backroom, Bella heard the bell above the door ding, signaling the arrival of another customer. Looking up, she saw James, her boss, making his way to the counter. The smell of beer said he'd stopped off at one of the bars before going there.

"So? How is my favorite employee?" his voice was slurred and he drifted a little as he approached the counter. James was an asshole sober and when he was drunk, he was almost unbearable.

"Fine."

"Well, princess, I'm guessing big mouth Victoria told you the great news!"

"Great news? How is cutting pay great news?"

He thought for a moment. "Well, it's great news to me." He smiled. Bella rolled her eyes in response.

"Well, there is one thing you could do to get a bonus," he said deviously.

James walked to behind the counter, holding his arms out as if he was going to embrace her. Bella stepped back already knowing what he wanted to do. Almost every night it was the same routine. He would get drunk and then seek her out.

"Don't even think about," she hissed at him.

"Oh come on. Just one night. Is that so hard? I'll raise your pay."

"Yeah right. Like any amount of money would ever make me sleep with you." She was desperate but not that desperate.

James froze. For a second, Bella thought he was going to attack her, but instead he went over to the counter where they kept the cigarettes and pushed them all onto the floor.

"Clean this shit up," he said. He pulled an envelope from his back pocket and threw it at her.

He stalked out of the store then and when the door closed behind him, Bella sighed in relief.

When he was gone, Bella went to check on Alexis before cleaning up the mess. She was still sound asleep. Bella had evaded his advances for one more night, but how long would she last before she gave in? How long could she hold out till her desperation made her do things she wouldn't usually do.

Opening the envelope, Bella saw her measly paycheck.

She didn't know how she and Alexis were going to survive another month. Ever since she'd moved to Forks when she was pregnant, they had been living month to month, and this may be the hardest month yet. The bills were piling up and her pay was going down. There was no one Bella could call to help her out. She might have called her mother, but Bella hadn't talked to Renee since the day Edward had her kidnapped. She tried not to think about how much her mother must be suffering, not knowing where Bella was. After Bella's father had died, Renee was torn up over the loss. She fell into a state of depression till Bella was able to pull her out of it. Bella wanted to go to Renee the second she'd escaped, but she couldn't risk it. That was the first place Edward would go to look for her, and she could not do that to her mother. She couldn't drag Renee into her trouble.

So where did that leave her with Alexis? Alexis. Another reason to stay away from Edward. Not just to keep her away from him, but also from his horror of a family. Often times when looking at Alexis, Bella couldn't help but be sadden by how much she looked like Edward. Edward hadn't known she was pregnant when she left. She'd hoped that when she left, she was leaving him and the bad memories behind, but a part of him went with her wherever she went. In the form of Alexis.

It pained her to know that someone she loved so much could remind her of someone she hated.

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><p><strong>Thank you to each and everyone of you amazing people who story alerted, favorited and reviewed this. Also those who reviewed and gave their opinion. It was greatly appreciated. I know some people are wondering about the level of violence? Don't worry, it will not be over the top or graphic. Just enough to convey the point. <strong>

**I have another question and if you want, while reviewing you can answer it. Or you can ignore and just review like normal. **

**Often times in domestic violence the issue of children come up and it isn't always black & white. I read that in some states/countries, unless it can be _proven _that the batterer has harmed the child, they can't be legally kept away. I'm not 100% sure of this so if someone would like to clarify, that would be great. **

**What is your opinion on this? If violence has already be proven against one parent, should that be enough? I am open to all opinions no matter what it is. **

**As an added bribe...ummm..I mean _treat_, everyone who reviews will get a teaser for one of the up-in-coming chapters.**

**Special Thanks to Project Team Beta, Tds88 & Dragonfly336 for** **proofreading**


	3. Without Her

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

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><p><strong>"Chains do not hold a marriage together. <strong>

**It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which **

**sew people together through the years."  
><strong>

**- Simone Signoret  
><strong>

**Chapter 2: Without Her**

"So, Edward, how has life been treating you?" Mr. Denali asked, his voice carrying over the clink of glasses and music.

Edward had only been partly listening to the conversation, but hearing his name mentioned, he zoned back in.

"Things have been great." It was a lie. Things had not been great since she left him. Since he had made the biggest mistake of his life and blown any chance of being with her.

"Only in your twenties and already making billions. All you need is to find yourself a good wife and you will be all set," Mr. Denali said suggestively. He tried to be nonchalant about it, but Edward could hear the hidden meaning in his voice.

Edward tried not to wince, but Mr. Denali's words hit a sore spot. Little did he know, Edward did have a wife. One who probably hated him with everything she had, but a wife nevertheless.

Edward didn't reply to Mr. Denali. Edward knew he was trying to set him up with his daughter, Tanya. Tanya was Mr. Denali's youngest, the same age as Edward. To some guys, she was hot, but Edward wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. Tanya was a gold digger, and even if Edward's heart didn't already belong to someone else, he never would have pursued her.

The dinner party they were attending was one Edward had organized to celebrate Cullen Corporation making another billion. Edward's father, Carlisle, was the owner of one large multibillion-dollar empire, and Edward was the owner of a separate one. Together, both businesses were worth more money than either owner knew what to do with. Every big business that sprung up in Chicago had Cullen fingerprints on it. Every business that made a million, had a debt to the Cullens. The Cullens were the wealthiest and most powerful and influential family in Chicago.

They were also the most dangerous. Everyone knew Carlisle had close ties with criminals and mobs, but no one dared out him.

Even though he was the youngest of three brothers, Edward was the only one who worked with his father; therefore, he was the one set to inherit Carlisle's company. Edward's eldest brother, Emmett, was a defensive tackler in the NFL, and Jasper, the second eldest, was a big-shot lawyer. Both were married and happy in their lives. There was one other "brother", but Edward never referred to him as such. Never acknowledged him as 'family'. So out of the four, Edward was set to inherit the business.

Despite wanting to slug Mr. Denali for bringing up sore moments, Edward chose to keep quiet. Appearances were everything.

The night progressed as usual, but Edward was long over it. He wanted nothing more than to go home and be left alone.

Across the room, Edward could see his parents. His father had his arms around his mother. To everyone else, it was seen as normal, but Edward could see the tight way he held her, never letting her out of his sight for long. It made Edward sick to his stomach to see it.

Hearing the lack of enthusiasm in his voice, Mr. Denali let Edward be after a few meaningless conversations went nowhere. That did not stop Tanya, however. She continuously tried to make a move on him, but Edward ignored her. She touched his arm and leaned into him, but he thwarted her advances each time.

Needing a break from it all, Edward excused himself from his guests and went to the restroom. Once inside, he splashed his face with some water, desperate to clear his head. He was tired of the facade. He just wanted it to end. He was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't hear the restroom door open until the person was right behind him.

Tanya walked in, ignoring the fact the fact that it was a men's restroom.

"Are you okay?" she asked, feigning interest. She came over and rested her hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off as if the touch had been a sting.

She was dressed in a long silver dress that accentuated her curves, but Edward was oblivious to all of that.

"What do you want now?" His voice was rough with anger.

"Nothing. Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine. Now if you would excuse me." Edward attempted to move past her, but she reached out and grabbed his crotch. He grabbed her hand and swung her until she was pressing against the wall next to the door.

"Do not touch me!" he seethed.

"Ah! I finally got a rise out of you. About time."

She tried to grab him again, but he held both of her arms at her side. That just seemed to turn her on more.

"Look, Edward. I'm not looking for a relationship. All I want from you is a meaningless fuck. Just one night. You've been so wound up, you could use a good time."

She attempted to go down on him, but he stopped her.

"Tanya, nothing in this world would ever make me even think about being with you. Now let me make myself very clear. If you don't want me to rip your father's business from under his feet and leave you so broke you can't even afford to cross the street, I suggest you stay the fuck away from me." His voice was deadly.

Tanya scowled at him. She knew that with a snap of his fingers, Edward could do it. His message was received loud and clear.

"Fuck you, Edward! I don't know what that bitch did to you, but you better get over her. I'm sure she's already moved on." Tanya didn't know the details of what had happened between Edward and Bella. She only knew he'd dated someone and been a wreck after they separated.

With a last huff, she stalked out of the room.

Tanya's words and actions had pushed Edward as far as he could for the night, so he excused himself and left the party.

"Home, Paul," Edward snapped at his driver, who stood holding the limo door open for him.

Once inside, Edward rubbed his face in frustration. He watched the city lights whiz pass him as another frustrating day ended.

Pulling out his phone, he dialed a number that he'd memorized because he called it every night for the past four years.

"Jenks," he said, not waiting for the other person to say anything. "I want an update."

Jenks sighed on the other side. "I still haven't found anything. It's like she disappeared."

Edward gripped his phone tightly in anger. He knew Jenks was going to tell him that- it was the same thing he told Edward every night when he called- but he'd hoped that maybe tonight would be different. That tonight he would be one step closer to finding her.

"Sir. If I find anything on her, I will tell you, but..." he paused, knowing he would have to word his next sentence very carefully. "Maybe you should consider that she might have...died in that fall. Security did say when she jumped off that bridge, they didn't see her resurface."

"No!" Edward snapped. "I am not going with that assumption until I know for sure."

But even he could hear the hopelessness in his voice. It had been almost four years since he'd last seen her. Four years since security had called him and told him she'd jumped off that bridge. Whether it was an escape attempt or a suicide attempt, he didn't know. All he knew was that she was missing and even Jenks couldn't find her.

"Keep looking. She has to be out there somewhere. Call me as soon as you get anything."

He hung up then, not wanting to hear the truth that was becoming harder for him to deny.

The lights were on when he walked into Cullen estate. The housekeepers were long gone. He threw his keys into the tray by the door. Pulling off his jacket, he was met with a ringing silence. Edward still lived in the house he and Bella had shared. Each room carried memories of the moments they'd shared together. Most of them had been horrid, but they were their moments nevertheless. Making his way to his room, Edward loosened his tie and walked into the empty bedroom. The bottle of Ciroc was in the same place he'd left it earlier. He often laughed at the irony- he hated her drinking, but here he was trying to drown his sorrows.

He sat on the left side of the bed. No woman had ever slept in his room since Bella left. He'd never so much as touched or kissed a woman since her and, deep down, he knew he never would.

Looking on the other side of the bed, Edward could almost picture her there as if it had only been yesterday. He could see her, curled up on her side, her hand under the pillow. Often times after she'd finally fallen asleep, he would stay up just to stare at her. To take in the angel sleeping next to him. Her features calm and her anger retracted behind closed lids. The marks on her arms were the only reminder that everything was not perfect.

* * *

><p><em>He'd heard what the other guys were saying at that party. Each of them wanted to bed the unattainable Bella. They each thought she was hot in her outfit, and they knew if she kept up the drinking it would make their conquests easier. <em>

_Edward hated all of them. _

_Thinking of how they wanted to claim her like she was a piece of meat infuriated him beyond belief. She was precious and should be treated as such. Also, she was _his_. _

_Yes, they'd broken up, but that didn't mean they were over forever. When she kissed Tyler, that had been the last straw for him. The final blow. Breaking up with him was one thing, but to see that she really was over him, moving onto the next guy, hit him hard._

_So that night, when he'd gone to her, he went with the intention of making her his forever. But when she'd refused to marry him, it was like he could feel the last strands of their relationship slipping between his fingers. When he left her, after threatening her into silence, he returned home frustrated._

_His eldest brothers were visiting from college, bringing their current girlfriends with them. When Edward had returned from Bella's, furious, Emmett was watching a game._

_"What's got your panties in a bunch, bro?" Emmett asked from his spot in the living room. His current girlfriend, Rosalie, sat on the couch next to him, wearing thick makeup. Unlike the last one, Rosalie put up with Emmett's anger and aggression. Taking it all, as if they were self-inflicted wounds._

_"Fuck you," Edward shot back as he sat in one of the armchairs._

_"Geez. I was just asking. No need to have a hissy fit." _

_"He's just pissed 'cause his girlfriend broke it off with him," Jasper said as he came into the room and sat on one of the other chairs. _

_"Ouch, that sucks. What happened? You not man enough?" Emmett asked, laughing at his own joke. "Rosalie, be a dear and get me another drink, will you?"_

_"Sure."_

_Emmett waited until she was out of the room, then he turned to Edward. "Let me give you some advice, baby bro. Girls are feisty things. Not easy at all. They need to learn their place. You got to be firm."_

_"Really?" Edward's tone said he doubted his brother was the expert on giving advice on anything. Emmett was on his third "serious" relationship of the month. _

_"It worked for Dad, didn't it?" was Emmett's reasoning. _

_They were quiet then, because it was true. _

_It was a year after Edward was born that Carlisle one day up and told his wife of six years that he had been cheating on her, and that his mistress was pregnant. That was when the abuse started. Carlisle isolated their mother from her friends and family until she barely left the house. It was only at parties and functions that she changed from Esme Cullen, battered woman, to Esme Cullen, perfect wife of well-respected Carlisle Cullen. It didn't matter to him if his sons saw what he did, he just needed to be sure that Esme would never leave him. At night, when their arguments became so heated that Esme was left with bruises all over her body, he would tell her over and over that he loved her, and she would tell him the same in return. She would hold Carlisle as he cried in remorse. Whether it was fear of their father or love that kept Esme from leaving, Edward didn't know. Either way, that was the environment he grew up in. The lesson he was taught at an early age._

_If you wanted someone you love to stay with you, sometimes you had to beat them into submission. _

_Edward couldn't help but wonder if that would work for Bella. He knew he'd been possessive with her when they were dating, but would an even more aggressive hand work with her? Would he be able to make her submit to him? He really did love her. So much that he could not imagine being without her. She would be leaving to go to college soon enough, and once she was gone, he would have no hold on her. She would move on, meet someone new and forget about him. Would she say 'yes' to the next person that proposed to her? _

_That decided it for him._

_Leaving the room, Edward pulled out his phone and dialed one of his father's securities. _

_"Dean. I have a job for you."_

* * *

><p>His brothers were wrong 'of course' and Edward realized that too late. Bella was not like his mother or Rosalie. Not at all. She refused to be bent, refused to give in. She fought and gave just as good as she got. They constantly butted heads, and she'd resented him in return.<p>

Tired from the nights' events, Edward showered and changed, then collapsed onto the bed. He still slept on the left side, even though the right one had been vacant for a while. When he eventually drifted off, it wasn't a peaceful sleep. Images of Bella and an unknown man continuously drifted through his head. In his dreams, she'd moved on. Met someone else and was living the life he had taken from her.

Edward woke with a start the next day. The light streaming through his window told him it was late. Almost noon. A glance at his clock confirmed it.

A half hour later, he made his way downstairs to the dining room of his house. The place was buzzing as the housekeepers dusted and swept. Edward knew they all hated him. After all, what had happened with Bella had not been under wraps in the house. Bella was the same age as many of their daughters or granddaughters. The housekeepers all saw how he treated her, but contract kept them from ever stepping in.

"Mr. Cullen," Eryn called as she came up from behind him, handing him a manila folder. "Your files for today."

Edward could see the hardness in her eyes when he took them from her. Eryn was the only person in the house- beside Edward- closest to Bella's age, so the two were friends while Bella was there. Edward knew out of all them, she hated him the most.

"Thank you." Then without a second glance, he left the house.

When Edward finally made it to Cullen Corporation, the day was almost over. He considered bailing for the day, but there were a few things he needed to sort through first.

"Good afternoon Mr. Cullen," his receptionist Leah said as he stepped in.

He nodded towards her, but he said nothing so she continued.

"Your father is in your office," Leah said timidly.

Edward didn't reply. When he made it to his office on the twenty-first floor, his father was sitting in his chair, his back to Edward as he stared out into the Chicago sky.

"You're late," Carlisle said without turning.

"I didn't know I had an appointment," Edward replied in a clipped tone, as he made his way over to his desk. He stood on the opposite side of the desk from his father.

Ever since Bella had left, Edward and his father's relationship had been _strained_. It was through Bella that Edward saw what his father was doing with Esme was wrong and, as a result, Edward couldn't stand to be around him.

Hearing the sharpness in Edward's voice, Carlisle turned until he was fully facing his son.

Raising an eyebrow, he said, "I'm guessing Jenks hasn't found Bella yet."

Edward couldn't help the grimace that came to his face. His parents knew about Bella and everything that had happened. It was his father who had funded Bella's kidnapping and their wedding.

"No."

Carlisle chuckled. "I'm not surprised. She was a feisty one. Why it is you can't seem to let her go, though, I don't understand."

Carlisle had meant it as a joke, but Edward didn't see it that way.

"For the same reason why you can't seem to let go of my mother," Edward retorted.

That wiped the smile off Carlisle's face. He stared hard at his son for a few minutes. Edward did not falter under his gaze. Then Carlisle sighed and stood up. He turned to face the large window again.

"I didn't come here to pick a fight with you. I wanted to talk to you about something."

"I'm listening."

"I want you to take Jacob into your business."

Jacob was the other "brother" that Edward never acknowledged. To Edward, even though they were half-brothers, he never saw Jacob as family. It was something his father was well aware of, so hearing him ask for Jacob to be "taken in" surprised him.

"And why would I do that?"

Turning back to his son, Carlisle answered. "Seeing as I am leaving my business to you, I want to be assured that all my sons are taken care of. Emmett and Jasper are situated in their careers, and you have yours, so it's just Jacob I need to see to. I figured that if he stays around you for a while, maybe some of your ways would rub off on him. I would leave him my business, but..." Carlisle let the statement hang in the air, but Edward knew the reason. Jacob was not responsible enough to handle the running of a multi-billion dollar corporation.

"Is Jacob aware of this?" Edward asked.

"No. He isn't even aware that he is not inheriting my business. As far as he thinks, it is his."

Edward couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"So you will do it?"

"Of course not."

"I thought you would say that, so I have a proposition for you."

Edward walked past his father and sat in his chair. Turning, he faced the same window Carlisle had been looking out a few moments before. He rocked back and forth, doubting his father could ever give him something he wanted.

"And what would that be?"

"I know someone who would be able to track Bella down."

Edward stopped rocking, his interest piqued.

Knowing he'd gotten his son's attention, Carlisle continued.

"Jenks is good, but his intelligence is limited. There is another guy, Riley. He knows the perfect places to begin looking." He paused. "It was how I found your mother when she ran from me as well."

Edward knew that, when he was younger, his mother had left Carlisle for some time, but to Edward it didn't matter. She'd returned of her own will. Whilst Riley was the one who had informed Carlisle of her whereabouts, it was Esme who had chosen to return.

"Take Jacob in, and I will make a few calls."

Edward turned to his father, and his eyes narrowed.

He hated the idea of having anything to do with Jacob, but what if this could be the break it took to find Bella? At that point, he was desperate for anything that could lead to her being found.

He turned back to face the window, and Carlisle took that as a yes.

"Perfect. I'll let Jacob know and make a few calls to Riley."

He turned to leave. As he was about to walk through the door, he paused and turned.

"Your brothers miss you."

Edward didn't reply. He hadn't spoken to Emmett or Jasper since Bella had left. Her departure had changed his relationship with all of his family members, except his mother. To her, Edward remained ever faithful. Every time he spoke to her alone, Edward begged her to come and live with him. He promised her that he would take care of her, but Esme refused to leave her husband.

After a few moments of silence, Carlisle left.

Edward continued to look at the Chicago sky. He knew he should be getting some work done- it was why he'd gone all the way down there- but he couldn't concentrate enough to be productive. As they always did when he was left alone, his thoughts went to Bella.

To say Edward missed her was an understatement. Almost four years later, Edward's love for Bella had not been diminished by time. Her absence was the constant reminder of how much he'd messed up. The pain was a reminder that he didn't deserve her. He knew he'd been a complete jackass when they were dating in high school. He knew it was wrong to treat her the way he had, but he couldn't help himself. During the time they'd been together, he had had this constant fear that she would leave him. He kept seeing himself as not being good enough for her.

For Edward, one of the biggest pains at that moment was the uncertainty. Not knowing whether she was alive or dead. Edward couldn't fathom the latter. He couldn't see a world where Bella didn't exist.

He justified his looking for her by telling himself he just needed to see if she was okay. He kept telling himself that if Jenks found her, and she was happy and moving on with her life, he would find it in himself to let her go. To let her live her life.

But deep down he knew it was a lie.

He didn't know how he would react if he found her. If he was to find her, and she'd found someone else, would he be able to let go of that jealous part of him? That jealous, possessive part that took her from her home and forced her into a life she never wanted? The one who refused to live without her, and would do anything to keep her?

His fear was that the monster who'd put his hands on her, who'd pushed her around and threw her down a flight of stairs the week before she left, would return, vengeful and forceful. That he would slip back into his old habits. Lock her up in the house and try again to beat her into submission. Sometimes, when he thought of her with someone else, he could feel the monster just on the edges. Ready to reclaim what he still believed was his. But, if he was to find her, would he be able to keep that monster at bay? He didn't know.

Digging into his breast pocket, Edward pulled out his wedding ring. It was a plain band, and people who saw it would never think anything special about it, but to Edward, it symbolized what he felt for her.

"A symbol of eternity. Never changing," as the priest had said at their wedding.

He never wore it out in public, because he knew it would cause too much of a stir. He did, however, keep it on him at all times. He turned the ring over and over in his fingers, reading the inscription on the inside. All his feelings for her, summed up into four simple words.

_Semper et in Saecula._

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><p><strong>The response I've been getting for this story is really blowing me away. I really hope I don't disappoint. Thank you to each and everyone of you who reviewed, story alerted and favourited. I enjoy reading each and every one of your comments. I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if so, don't forget to review.<em><br>_**

**Special Thanks to Project Team Beta, Marly & Pain Jane for** **proofreading.**


	4. Far From Home

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

**A/N This chapter may be a little hard for some to handle. **

**If physical abuse will be too much, then please stop right now. **

**It's not graphic abuse, but some may find it to be too much.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>"I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. <strong>

**I don't understand people who hide from their past. **

**Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now." **

**- Sophia Loren**

**Chapter 3: Far From Home**

"Mommy!" Alexis yelled, as she ran into Bella's arms. It was Friday, the end of the school week for both of them, and Bella had arrived to pick Alexis up from pre-school. Around her, other children yelled the same enthusiasm to their parents. In her hand, Bella saw that she was holding a large piece of paper.

"Lexie!" Bella called back, mirroring her joy as she wrapped her into a hug.

"How was your day?" Bella asked as she helped her into her coat. Taking her bag off the hook, Bella waved to Alexis's teacher, Mrs. Evans, as they left.

"It was good. We saw a birdie's egg in a tree. Jessie ate paint again, and Skylar fell off the slides. Oh, and I made this." Alexis held out the paper proudly to Bella. Taking it, Bella saw that it was a drawing. She could make out two heads and circles for arms and feet. They were people, but who she wasn't sure.

"Wow. This is really beautiful," Bella answered, even though she wasn't totally sure. Alexis was proud of her art, and she beamed at Bella's words.

"Can you tell me who these are?" Bella asked, treading carefully in case Alexis became upset that her mother couldn't identify her portrait.

"It's us, silly," she replied, unaffected, as Bella belted her into her car seat. She held her hand out for the picture, and when Bella gave it back to her, she began pointing out people.

"This is you," she explained pointing to the bigger circle of the two. Then pointing to the smaller one, "This is me."

"This is very beautiful," Bella replied, still standing on Alexis's side of the car. Bella could now make out the eyes, hair, and fingers on the drawings.

"What did your teacher say you were supposed to draw?"

"Our family," she said, pausing for a second, and then looked at her drawing intently. "But something is missing."

Bella looked back at the drawing.

"Missing? Like what?"

"I don't know," she huffed, a small crease appearing between her eyebrows as she scanned her work for the missing 'something.'

Looking at the portrait, Bella couldn't tell what was missing. What would a thee-year-old expect to see in a family portrait?

Then she realized it.

She suddenly knew what was missing, but she didn't want to point it out. Closing the door, Bella went over to the driver's side and started the truck. Pulling out of the school's parking lot, Bella thought more about Alexis' drawing and what was 'missing'. Alexis hadn't been able to figure it out, because she'd never had the missing thing or missing person. It was the person that every other child in Alexis' class had. A father.

Bella never spoke of Edward to Alexis, and Alexis never asked about her father. Bella knew that Alexis would ask eventually. Ask where her father was, and why there was a missing person in her life. Often times, when Bella thought of that conversation, she tried to imagine how it would go. Maybe she would sit Alexis down and tell her how she and Edward had met. The she would have to lie. She would tell her some fabricated story of how they were the best of friends, and that when he'd found out she was pregnant, he was happy. Then maybe explain that they'd fallen out of love and decided to separate. She hoped that in the future, that story would be enough to satisfy Alexis. What would she do if Alexis ever decided to try to find Edward? She didn't know.

"Mommy!" Alexis' voice broke through Bella's thoughts.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said, where are we going?"

It was late Friday, and Bella wasn't able to get the Friday shift at work, so they had the evening free. Also, the electric company had made good on their promise and cut the power. It was cheaper to use candles anyway, and most of the appliances ran on gas anyway. One problem was that Alexis was afraid of the dark, so it would be better if they stayed out as long as possible.

"Well, what would you like to do?" Bella knew the answer long before the words came out.

"Park!"

A few minutes later, they pulled into one of Forks' playgrounds. There were a few other families in the park. The second Bella unbuckled her, Alexis sprinted off, wanting her mother to chase her. Laughter erupted out of her as Bella caught her and swooped Alexis up into her arms. When Bella put her down, Alexis bounded over to the slides.

"Mommy! Look at me!" Alexis called as she made her way up the slide backwards.

"Wow, very good, but be careful, Lexie," Bella called back. Sitting on one of the swings, Bella watched as Alexis made her way to the top, only to turn around and slide right back down. Bella thought it was comical how Alexis would do the same thing over and over, and still find entertainment in it as if it was the first time.

"Mommy, look again," Alexis called as she showed Bella how she could go down one of the bigger slides without help. Bella remembered the first time Alexis had attempted to go down that slide. She'd been so petrified, Bella had to go up and get her. It often filled Bella with pride when she thought about how much Alexis had grown. But with the pride, also came the despair when she remembered how she'd almost gotten rid of her daughter when she'd first realized she was pregnant.

After a few more times up and down, Alexis ran over to Bella. At first, Bella thought she was going to take the swing next to her, but instead Alexis attempted to pull herself up onto Bella's lap. Realizing her intention, Bella hoisted her up onto her lap. They both held onto the cold chains as Bella pushed them both back and forth slightly with her feet.

They were quiet for a few moments.

"You know I love you, right?" Bella asked her.

"Yup."

"Do you know how much?"

Holding her hands out as far as she could Alexis answered, "This much?"

Bella laughed at her daughter's attempt to convey the depth. She supposed that in a toddler's eyes, that was a lot.

"Actually, I love you more than that." Pointing up to the moon, visible through the clouds, Bella said, "I love you, to the moon and back."

"Wow. That is a lot." Alexis laughed as Bella started tickling her. Alexis' laugh seemed to fill the air and wrap around Bella, and just for that moment, it seemed to wipe away her fears. But it was only for a moment. Bella knew that just as it had been for Renee and her after Charlie passed away, she and Alexis were all they had in the world.

There were many moments throughout the past four years that Bella missed her mother. So often, that it made her ache to just think about Renee. This was one of those moments. When Bella was sharing a moment with her own daughter, she wished Renee could meet Alexis. She knew if her mother did, Renee would adore her grandchild.

* * *

><p><em>"Hey, honey, how is the packing going?" Renee asked as she poked her head into Bella's room. Bella could tell that the sight of the boxes was making her tear up. Bella was in the final stages of packing up her room. In a few days, Renee would drive her to the airport, and she would board a flight that would take her away from here. Away from home. Away from her mother. <em>

_"Awww, Mom, don't cry," Bella begged as her mother came over and hugged her._

_"How can I not? My baby is moving away to college soon," she replied, fighting back tears. She closed her eyes and tried to maintain her composure. Opening her eyes, she asked, "Have you said your goodbyes to everyone?"_

_"Goodbyes? I'm going to school on the other side of the country, Mom, not the other side of the world." Bella couldn't help but roll her eyes at her mother's question._

_"Yes, but you'll be away from all your friends. Angela and Mike and Jessica and Edward."_

_Renee was too busy wiping away the tears from her eyes to see Bella freeze at the mention of Edward's name. It had been more than a week since Edward had attacked her and proposed to her in that very same room. She hadn't seen or heard from him since then. She also hadn't told her mother about what had happened. Renee knew Bella and Edward had dated, but Bella never told her mother about Edward's 'behavior'. As far as Renee knew, they'd remained friends after they separated. _

_"I'm meeting Angela and Jessica in a few for our last get-together. Jessica leaves in the morning for UCLA."_

_Renee nodded in response and sat on Bella's bed. Bella sat next to her, knowing her mother had something she wanted to say. When several moments passed and Renee hadn't said anything, Bella figured she needed prompting._

_"What is it, Mom?"_

_"I'm just a little sad that your dad isn't here to see you go off to college,"she admitted. "He would have been so proud of you. You got your photographic eye from him." She smiled through her tears as she nudged Bella slightly. _

_It was true. Bella's love for photography had been sparked by her father teaching her how to use his old Hasselblad camera. For weeks after he'd died, Bella had been unable to pick up a camera. It wasn't until she was able to use it as a way to step away from her grief that she started again. _

_Seeing the sadness on Bella's face, Renee wrapped her arms around her daughter. "I miss him, too. It feels like it was just yesterday that he was here." She sighed. It truly did. It often terrified Bella how quickly things could change. How one moment, her dad was there, the next, he was gone forever. _

_"I love you," her mother whispered, pressing her lips to Bella's hair. "So much. After your dad died, I know I left you and slipped into a horrible place, and I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry I let my grief stop me from seeing what I still had."_

_She squeezed Bella just a little bit tighter and then she continued. "Thank you also, for bringing me back. It was truly thanks to you that I was able to put one foot in front of another. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me." Now Bella was the one fighting back tears. _

_"I love you, Mom," she replied, wrapping her arms around Renee. "Always."_

_They stayed like that for a while, mother and daughter remembering, until Bella's phone beeped, signaling she had a message. It was from Jessica, reminding her not to be late. _

_"Jessica?" Renee asked._

_"Yup."_

_"Well, I don't want you to be late. I'll continue packing for you so you'll have fewer things to do later."_

_"Thanks."_

_Grabbing her bag and keys, Bella headed to her car. _

_"I'll see you later," Renee called as Bella went down the walkway. "Try not to stay out too late."_

_"Okay," Bella called back._

_When Bella pulled into the third level parking lot of the restaurant where she would be meeting her friends, the car park was mostly empty except for a few other vehicles. As Bella came out of her car and locked it, an Audi SUV a few lanes down roared to life. The parking lot was so quiet that the sound made her jump. She could see two muscular men in the front, and the back of the car was tinted dark. She didn't think anything of it as she made her way from her car to the elevator that would take her from the parking lot to the restaurant on ground level. _

_It wasn't until the SUV started driving and pulled up in front of her, cutting off her path to the elevator that she first became alarmed. But it was already too late. The man from the front seat jumped out and grabbed her. Covering her mouth with a cloth, Bella didn't even have time to scream before she passed out. _

_Her head felt foggy as she began coming to. Her brain couldn't process what had happened, and try as she might, she had no recollection of the events. Bella groaned as she rolled over onto her stomach. _

_Had she drank last night? She didn't remember drinking._

_What had happened? She remembered seeing her mother and driving to a parking lot, and then..._

_The memories of what happened flooded her brain, and Bella woke with a gasp. She was lying on a dirty mattress on the floor. The room she was in was tiny, with white walls and no windows. The only source of light came from a small bulb overhead. From where she lay, Bella could see an open door, and through the door she could see a bathroom. The door farthest from her seemed to be the exit. The musky smell of the room irritated her nose. When she stood, the room seemed to spin. Once she regained her bearings, she ran to the door and yanked the handle, but it was locked. Turning back around, Bella realized that her bag with her keys and cell phone was missing. _

_The sound of footsteps coming from the other side of the door made her run and stand as far from the door as possible. The sound of a key grating as it unlocked the door made her jump. She braced herself, expecting to see the same guys from the garage, but it wasn't them. _

_It was Edward. _

_Her jaw dropped in shock. "You? You are the one that kidnapped me?" She couldn't believe it. Yes, he was crazy, but never in a million years did she think Edward would be crazy enough to commit kidnapping._

_"Are you okay?" he asked, ignoring her question as his eyes surveyed her. She was dressed in the same clothes she was wearing when she'd left home. _

_"Okay? Are you fucking joking? You kidnapped me, you psycho! How the hell can I be okay?" She was furious. _

_His eyes narrowed at her slightly._

_After a few moments, he walked to her. When he stood in front of her, his hand raised to touch her cheek, but before he could touch her, she slapped his hand away angrily. _

_That seemed to push him over the edge. _

_He grabbed her and slammed her into the wall. Bella felt the air get knocked out of her as her head made contact with the wall. For a few seconds, all she could see was white spots._

_"I'm fucking tired of your game," he hissed. When her vision returned, she started fighting against him, but her efforts were in vain. He continued to hold her tightly, unafraid to use force to subdue her. _

_He pulled her away from the wall and shoved her back into it, releasing her arms. In return, she slapped at him, but her hand missed. That didn't matter, because before she could blink, his fist collided with her face. The blow caught her off guard causing Bella to double over, holding her cheek in pain. That pain was minor, compared to the reality that Edward had actually hit her. When they'd been dating in high school, he would push her around and grab her. He'd even shove her now and again. This was the first time he'd ever physically struck her. _

_But Bella refused to easily be bent. She ran at him, wanting to make him pay, but he caught her between his hands but he caught her and slammed her to the floor. Hard. Bella was able to get in a couple of scratches above his right eye before he was able to overpower her._

_He straddled her, holding her arms at the side of her head. "Now that I've gotten your attention, you better listen very carefully," he snarled. "I asked you kindly, already; you refused. I told you. I'm a man who gets what I want, and I...want...you._

_"No other man on this earth will ever touch you again. You belong to me, and no one else." He paused, watching as the tears started streaming down Bella's face. He gripped her wrists tighter, until it was painful. "We will be married. You will be my wife."_

_Bella didn't know how to respond, so she called for help instead. She knew it was fruitless. She knew Edward had planned this entire thing out, but she still couldn't help but try._

_"Don't even bother," he hissed. A red mark was forming over his eye where she'd struck him. "No one can hear you. No one can save you."_

_He stood, releasing her from his hold. Bella scrambled away from him, still holding her cheek._

_"Now that I've made myself clear, will you marry me?" His eyes were hard as he took in her weeping form. _

_Bella met his hard gaze square on. "I will not marry you."_

_She was taking a daring risk denying Edward. He had just proved that he wasn't afraid to abuse her to get what he wanted. She didn't want to know what would happen if she pushed him too much, but her stubbornness refused to let him have any kind of dominance over her. She was headstrong, refusing to let herself be controlled by some guy. _

_Even if he was crazy._

_He stared at her hard, and for a moment, Bella thought he was going to strike her again, but instead her took a deep breath. When he spoke, his voice was menacing. "Well, until you decide to change your mind, you will stay in this room. But be warned Bella- I have been patient with you thus far. You do not want to see me when it runs out." _

_Walking over to her and stopped down. He glared at her when he said, "You're stubborn. I always knew that about you. But let's see how long the tree would take to bend with the wind howling at it."_

_Standing up, he turned and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. _

_After Edward left, Bella went into the bathroom. Turning on the light, she looked at her cheek. It was red and swelling. She knew she was going to have a horrible bruise. She went towards the door Edward has just gone through, on the off chance he'd left it unlocked, but that was fruitless. She turned and took in her surroundings, looking for something to help her. But one glance told her there was nothing. The small room was empty except for the mattress on the floor. The bathroom was also empty, except for a sink and toilet. Both were grimy and dirty. She knew he had every intention of keeping her in there, like some kind of prisoner. _

_Walking back into the room, Bella collapsed onto the mattress. Her body already ached from her scuffle with Edward. Fingerprint-shaped bruises were forming on her wrists from where he'd held her down. _

_"This cannot be happening," she cried out into the silent room._

_How long would it be before Edward returned? Would he beat her again if she denied him? She didn't know. All _

_Bella could see was Edward's face before he'd punched her. His face twisted, and morphed by anger and...obsession? Was it just a few months before that they were happy high school students, laughing at Mr. Banner's attempts at humor? How was it possible that the same guy who'd played her favourite song on his piano, had turned into the possessive jerk he was when they'd dated, and now this abusive asshole. _

_As she lay on the mattress, Bella stared at the ceiling, tears falling down the side of her face. The realization that she was trapped with no escape, terrified her. How long would she last before she gave into Edward? What did he have in store for her if she continued to deny him? It wasn't long before her mind also went to Renee. By now, Renee would have realized she was missing. The realization that her mother would have to go through the same pain she did when Bella's father hadn't returned home one night, scared her. She didn't want to think what would happen to Renee if Bella died right there. _

_Bella didn't know how long she was in that room. There were no clocks or sunlight to tell her when it was day or night. She slept when she felt like it. No one came to see her. She was hungry, dirty, and her cheek ached from where Edward had struck her. She hadn't checked on it since the first day, too afraid of what she'd see. The hunger made her dizzy every time she stood, so she stayed lying on the mattress, unable to move. All she'd been able to drink was water from the tap in the bathroom._

_Each time she slept, it was fitful. She tossed and turned, until she woke screaming, but her reality wasn't any better than her nightmares. During her time in isolation, Bella thought more about Edward's proposal. She couldn't understand his obsession with her. Why her of all people? He said it was love, but to her, what he was doing was not love. _

_"Maybe to Edward, all I am is a possession," she whispered to herself quietly in the dark room. She'd turned the overhead light off already, with the hope of getting some sleep, but her brain refused to shut off as well. _

_The way she saw it, she had two options. Keep denying Edward, while he did whatever he had to to secure her hand, and at that moment, she was terrified as to what that might be. Or, marry him. The first option scared her, so she thought more on the second. Maybe if she agreed to marry him, she could find some way to get out of here. Get away from him. How? She didn't know, but between the two, it was the only option that seemed likely to get her out of that room._

_Rolling onto her side, Bella thought about what had attracted her to Edward in the first place. It wasn't his looks or his money, as it had been for the other girls who fell for him. It was because he was different. It was because he wasn't like the other guys. He seemed to understand her more than anyone else ever had. He was charming, sweet, and she cared for him a lot. Even before they'd started dating, when they were just friends, she'd fallen for him. Hard. When they'd actually started dating, she didn't think she could love him any more, but she had. It wasn't until he started to change, that she began doubting his love for her. Maybe now, if she could 'tap back' into that love she had for him in the beginning, she could go through with this marriage. She knew it wouldn't work. Love wasn't something you could just tap into when needed. It was either there or it wasn't._

_"Finally awake," a voice said._

_Her eyes snapped open at the sound. At some point during her thoughts, she'd fallen asleep. Now Edward sat in a chair close to her mattress. His expression was calm as he took her in. She couldn't help but feel irritated by his nonchalant demeanor. Here she was, grimy and dirty, wearing the same clothes she'd worn for days, and there he was, sitting in a clean white button-down dress shirt and jeans. _

_"How did you sleep?" he asked. She didn't reply. She just stared back at him. She couldn't believe he was serious. She'd been imprisoned for days in a room with no food. She was dirty, sore, and hungry._

_"Have you given thought to my proposal?" he asked._

_"Yes." Her voice was hoarse when she answered._

_"And?" _

_"Fuck you." She hadn't intended to answer him that way, but just the sight of him seemed to bring up her defenses._

_He scowled at her. Reaching out, he grabbed her arm and he pulled her roughly till she was standing. Bella was unsteady on her feet as he pulled her into the bathroom. Flicking on the light, he pointed at her reflection in the mirror._

_"You see!" he hissed, indicating her bruise. "I am not afraid to do what I have to to get you."_

_Looking at her reflection, Bella gasped at what she saw. The mark was now dark purple and as big as the palm of her hand, with a dozen jagged points around the edges._

_He grabbed her by both her arms and shook her. "You do not want to push me, Bella. I will do whatever it takes. Even if it means I have to involve other people."_

_Bella's eyes widened at his words. Seeing her weakness, he continued. "You don't want Renee to become involved. I will hurt her if I have to," he hissed as he grabbed her face roughly in between his hands. _

_"Please don't."_

_Tears were pooling in her eyes. _

_"Then say you will marry me!" he screamed. "Say you will be mine! Or I swear, I will get Dean and have him find your mother!"_

_She began shaking her head."Please, please don't." She was too tired to fight him anymore. All she could do was cry as he continuously shook her and threatened to hurt her mother. He was breaking her. With every shake, he was breaking away at her defenses, at her tough exterior. Bella knew she had no choice, so when she answered, her voice was barely a whisper. It was filled with the hopeless despair and pain she felt._

_"Fine. I'll marry you."_

* * *

><p>"Again!" Alexis giggled as Bella stopped spinning.<p>

"No way! I'm dizzy," Bella said, laughed, holding Alexis in her arms. The park was almost empty and the sun was close to setting. To make her laugh again, Bella made a fish face. Laughter erupted from Bella as Alexis tried to make the same face.

After a few unsuccessful tries, Alexis touched Bella's cheek. The mark that her father had given her mother was long gone, but the memories would always be there.

"We'd better head home," Bella said, sighing. It had started to drizzle.

"Awww, five more minutes?"

"Nope."

"Three more minutes?"

"No."

"One more minutes?"

Bella shook her head. As they made their way to the car, the rain started to pick up. Both girls ran laughing back to Bella's truck.

When they reached home, Alexis stayed close to her mother as Bella lit some candles and started dinner. She didn't have enough money left over from bills to pay the electricity, but she had some to buy a little food. As she waited for the pot of water to heat up, Bella watched Alexis in the living room.

"You'll never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away," Alexis sang.

Bella smiled to herself as she watched Alexis draw by candlelight. Her hand zigzagged back and forth as she drew another picture. Sometimes, when Bella looked at her, she could almost see Edward in her. In the way she would pass her hand through her hair, or in her love for music, Alexis was a firm reminder of her father.

Pouring the macaroni shells into the pot, Bella went through the motions of preparing dinner on the gas stove and serving it to Alexis, but her mind was still on Edward. She hated how much he still consumed her thoughts, but with the reminder of him sitting in the living room, it was hard not to think about him.

Bella didn't know how Edward would react if he ever found out he was father. He'd never expressed any desire to her to be a father. Would he be proud? Or horrified? When she'd run from that house, she'd left with every intention of keeping her baby safe from not only her father, but his family. Whereas Edward had taken to abusing her physically and emotionally, his family took care of the abuse mentally. His mother, above all, had hated her.

After a bath, Bella squeezed onto Alexis' tiny bed and read her her favourite story. Alexis knew the words by heart, but she still requested it every night. She wasn't even halfway through the story when Alexis drifted off to sleep. Bella stayed for a few minutes taking in her sleeping form. She made sure to tuck Alexis's bear under her arms before she left. Pressing her lips to her cheek, she whispered, "You'll never know, dear, how much I love you."

Leaving Alexis's room, Bella went out into the kitchen. She still had a lot of assignments for school due soon, so pulling out her books, she tried to retain what she was reading, but it was fruitless. Her mind kept returning to Edward. Alexis's drawing had really brought some of Bella's worries to the surface.

She wondered what had become of him. If she had to guess, he was probably on to the next girl. Bella knew she was just another notch on his bedpost, and now that she was gone he would find some other girl to keep him warm at night. His family would always question why'd he wasted his time on her, when he could find any other girl who would gladly give themselves over to him. One who wouldn't fight him at every turn, like she had. Thinking of Edward with another girl made her eyes tear up slightly.

Shaking her head, she couldn't believe she was reacting like that. She tried to reason that her tears were for the poor girl who would be caught in his grasp, but she knew that that wasn't it. She tried again to concentrate on her work. Almost an hour later, she had made a dent in her workload, but when she'd started paying more attention to the pictures than the text, she knew she had to give up. Her eyes burned as she made her way back to the bedroom, blowing out each candle as she went. The last thing she needed was a fire. It was almost one in the morning, and she would have to wake up early to care for Alexis.

Collapsing onto her bed, Bella thought more about Alexis's drawing and the missing person. She thought about the week before she'd run, when she and Edward had had another argument, and she'd fallen down the stairs. They hadn't known at the time that she was carrying his child, and she wondered if he had, if he would have pushed her. She didn't know, and to her it didn't matter. What was done was done, and no amount of time could ever erase what he'd done to her.

Rolling onto her side, she blew the last flickering candle out.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, if you're reading this, it means you've stuck it out, for which I am grateful. This was a hard chapter to write but I can't <em>not<em> put in the violence. It would be too easy for everyone to say Bella should forgive Edward, without them really seeing what she went through, and why she may never let him into her or Alexis's life. HEA, could just mean that Bella forgives Edward and Edward finds the strength to let her go. Really, it could go either way. **

**They end up together, or not.  
><strong>

**I promise the violence will not be graphic, just enough to convey what I mean. **

**One of my beta's made a comment that Bella may be suffering from stockhom syndrome. That hadn't even occurred to me. I've never heard of stockhom syndrome being used to describe a domestic violence situation...then again, this is not an ordinary situation (even if it is fiction).**

**Another huge thanks to everyone who reviewed, story alerted & favourited. It means so much and it really gives me the added boost I need to get down to writing. You all are amazing. **

**Hope I haven't disappointed yet, and if you like, don't forget to review. I really love hearing everyone's opinions on this story and the whole situation.  
><strong>

**Special Thanks to Project Team Beta, Lattecoug & AnthroBug for** **proofreading**


	5. Nothing and Everything

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

**A/N This chapter may be a little hard for some to handle. **

**If physical abuse will be too much, then please stop right now. **

****It's not graphic abuse, but some may find it to be too much.**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>"Passion is a positive obsession. Obsession is a negative passion." <strong>

**- Paul Carve**

**Chapter 4**

**Nothing and Everything**

Edward was reaching the end of his patience. He knew working with Jacob was going to be difficult. Each moment he was reminded as to why he never got along with him. Jacob was the epitome of arrogance.

It was late Friday night and Edward, Jacob and Esme were in Edward's office. Esme had stopped by just to check on her son. Jacob was there just to be a nuisance.

"You know when dad passes, his company will be mine," Jacob said. Then eyeing Edward he added, "Guess when that happens you and I will be in competition. Which Cullen company is bigger."

Edward raised his eyebrow, but didn't respond. Jacob still hadn't figured out that the company would not go to him, and Edward knew better than to enlighten him. Esme sat on one of the leather chairs not saying anything. Her face was blank, but Edward knew his mother wasn't fond of Jacob either. Partly because he was her husband's bastard son, and partly because of his attitude.

There was a light knock at the door.

"Come in," Edward called.

One of the housekeepers entered. "Mr. Cullen, Mr. Jenks is here to see you."

"Tell him I'm busy," he told her.

"I'm sorry sir, but he said it's urgent."

Figuring he needed more money, Edward nodded. "Fine, send him up."

"Yes, sir." Then she silently left, closing the door behind her.

"Jenks? What are you dealing with him for?" Jacob demanded.

Edward ignored his tone. "I hired him to track down Bella," he said simply.

"Bella? You still haven't given up on that bitch? Geez brother, she's probably moved on already or dead."

Edward's eyes flashed to his face. Jacob was walking a very dangerous line and shouldn't push him. Edward was like a thermometer, very close to bursting. There was another knock, and the housekeeper entered with Jenks behind her. She let him in and then closed the door behind her.

"This better be good. I was busy," Edward told him, looking for his checkbook.

"It is sir, you see..."

"How much do you need?" Edward asked, cutting him off.

"No sir, it's not that," he said. The urgency in his voice made Edward stop what he was doing and look up.

"I found her," Jenks said.

It was as if time had frozen. Edward had been waiting so long, so very long to hear these words, and now that he did he couldn't believe it.

"Do not make assumptions unless you're absolutely sure," Edward hissed. His voice was low and deadly.

"I'm sure it's her." Resting his briefcase on the table, he opened it and pulled out a manila folder.

Quickly, he sifted through it. "Riley was a...bit of a help," he admitted grudgingly, still going through his folder. He didn't elaborate on how much of a 'help' Riley had been or what they'd done to track her down, and at that moment, Edward didn't care.

After a few moments, he pulled out a piece of paper. He laid it face down in front of Edward and pushed it towards him. Edward's hands shook as he took the page, and for a brief second he was afraid. Afraid of what he would see. When he turned it over his heart felt like it would explode out of his chest. His breath caught, and he had to grip the side of the table to stop himself from tipping over.

There she was.

His angel.

The love of his life.

His Bella.

She looked exactly like he remembered, smiling at some unknown thing. There were changes, but small changes. Her hair was a bit shorter, but she looked the same. The brown eyes he'd fallen in love with held a spark of laughter. It was a close up of her so he could only see her. The camera hadn't a wide enough angle enough to see what had caused that laughter in her eyes.

"Where is she?" Edward asked, eager to know everything that had happened to her since she'd left.

"Sir, I'll tell you, but there is something else, or I should say someone else," Jenks said pulling out a second photograph and laying it face down on the desk.

Edward took a while longer to hold this one. He was terrified of what he would see when he turned it over. His fear was beginning to get the better of him. The possessive monster inside of him was the only remedy to his fear, but he didn't want to release it. By denying the monster, he had to let the fear take him. Mainly, he worried that she'd found someone else. That she'd already fallen into the arms of another man. That she'd forgotten him. The monster in him whispered that it didn't matter. That she would always belong to him, and he had every right to claim her. Carefully, Edward turned the photograph around and what he found he was not expecting.

This was a wider shot, capturing the full scene. Bella holding a little girl's hand. Edward knew without a doubt that the child was Bella's. Even from a distance, he knew. The child looked about two or three years old. He could see the traces of Bella in the child's facial features.

So she had found someone else. She had given herself to another person. He never thought of how much it would hurt, he never thought what it would mean for Bella to have a child with someone else. Knowing that she had been intimate with another man, had slept with him, and carried his child inside her, made him sick because after everything he'd done to her, he knew she would never do that with him. But aside from it all, it meant his original fears were real. She had moved on.

He could feel his heart shattering into a million pieces. The agony he felt was too much. Suddenly, he wanted the monster. He wanted anything that would prevent him from feeling that pain.

"Sir!" Jenks' voice was a bit more forceful this time. He'd been calling Edward for some time, but Edward had been too far-gone to hear him. "It's not what you think," he said quietly.

"Alexis Emily Swan was born June 12th, 2003 in Clallam County Hospital District #1 at 2 AM," Jenks said.

"Wait, June 2003? That's just five months after Bella left-" His breath caught again.

Jenks pulled out a third photograph and handed it to Edward without putting it down. It was a close up photo of the girl. For the second time Edward's breath caught, and it wasn't the similarities in the child's face to her mother that caught him. It was her eyes. Or to be more precise, his eyes.

The child had vivid green eyes.

Just like his.

The little girl was his daughter.

Esme stood up and took the photograph from him. Her hand flew to her mouth when she saw what he'd seen. When she made the connection.

"Hold up," Jacob said, raising his hand as if to halt a precession. "You mean she was pregnant?"

"Her birth certificate doesn't list a father, but looking at her, you can't deny she's yours, Edward," Jenks said. "If it comes to it, you could always demand a paternity test."

"Did she know she was pregnant? Is that why she left?" Edward asked, mainly to himself.

Jenks answered anyway, "It's possible. I was able to track her whereabouts after she left here." He pulled out another piece of paper and held it in his hands as he read.

"After she left I tracked her whereabouts to a battered woman's shelter in downtown Chicago. She stayed there for a few days. When she left the center, she was transferred from Chicago to Oregon."

"Transferred?" Esme asked. She was still gripping the picture of her granddaughter. Her eyes never left the picture, even when she asked her question.

"Yes, transferred. That was where I hit the problem that delayed my search. There is a group of women who work to help victims of domestic violence flee from their husbands. The group is smart. They don't know where the woman who they help is. They just know where they are supposed to take her. It took some...incentives, but I was able to get the information.

"From Chicago, Bella was driven to Wisconsin. From there she was transferred via another woman to Minnesota. Then via another to North Dakota. Then via another to Montana, and lastly to Oregon. From there Bella went off on her own. The woman had no idea where she went. That was where I hit another problem. It looked like she'd vanished. Then, with Riley's help, I was able to trace her to Seattle, Washington. She stayed at one of the shelters there for some time.

"Bella then went to Forks, Washington, a small town in Clallam County, Washington with a population of only about thirty-five hundred. While there, she stayed with a Mr. and Mrs. Clearwater. Mrs. Clearwater volunteered at the shelter in Seattle. Bella lived in one of the properties the couple owned, paying rent to them. Mr. Clearwater passed away a month before Alexis was born, and his wife left Forks and moved to California with her sister. The house was left in Bella's name. I guess they were fond of her or something. Alexis was born June 12th. Three years later, they still live in that house, and Bella goes to school part time, studying to be a nurse.

"She still works part-time at the local gas station. Crappy job. The place has been robbed so many times it's a wonder they still make money. One of the police reports that were filed happened while Bella was on shift and pregnant." Digging into the folder again, Jenks pulled out another paper and continued reading.

"She's sinking fast. She has a lot of bills mounting up. Her salary isn't great as it is, and the place is run by a real sleazeball who rips off the employees any way he can. So with that and going to school part time, plus caring for Alexis, Bella's at a bad place." Jenks put the paper back in his folder. "Well, that's it."

Jenks finally looked up, but Edward wasn't watching him. He was facing the window. Esme and Jacob were also watching him, waiting to see how he would react.

"Jenks," he said without turning. "Contact Dean, and tell him I need a flight to Forks."

Jenks nodded and headed out the door.

"What are you going to do?" Esme asked.

Edward didn't reply.

"Edward, you have to get her," Esme said. Edward looked at his mother, confused.

As if seeing the question on his face, Esme continued. "Alexis is my first grandchild. I have to see her," she said, passing her hand over the photograph. Edward didn't understand what Esme meant by "get" Alexis.

_Did she really mean for him to kidnap Alexis, like he'd done with Bella?_

He didn't ask her. Dean's voice came through the intercom then, telling him that a car was outside waiting to take him to his private plane.

"Why don't you just grab the brat from her mother and be gone?" Jacob, ever one for foolish ideas suggested.

"No," Edward replied.

"Since when are you drawing a line? You did, with her mother, just do the same thing with the kid. Besides, if Bella has a brain in her head, she isn't going to let you anywhere near that kid." He paused for a second, and when he spoke again, his was venomous. "Or you could forget about the skank and move one. I'm pretty sure Alexis already has a step-dad who's getting deep into her mother."

The thermometer broke.

Edward's patience with Jacob was already wearing thin and to hear him talk about the mother of his child like that pushed him over the edge. Before Jacob could react, Edward swung, punching him square in the jaw. The force of the punch was enough to make Jacob's entire head turn, and he collapsed onto the floor hard.

Edward walked around his desk till he was kneeling by Jacob. "Listen, fucker. I let you get away with all that bullshit before, but not anymore. You will never disrespect the mother of my child again," he hissed.

He stood and walked toward the door. Jacob was gripping his jaw, as blood began pouring out of his mouth.

"Why the fuck would she want anything to do with you? She ran, remember? Any shot you had with her was over the second you kidnapped her and forced her to marry you. She probably hates you by now," Jacob spat at him, the blood landing on Edward's office floor. "She ran when she found out she was pregnant. She hated you so much, she never even told you that you were a father. I bet she hated knowing that a monster's child was growing in her. I bet when she gets even a whiff of you coming, she'll grab that kid and run again."

Edward's expression hardened as he stared at Jacob, but he didn't respond. He didn't want to admit that his words cut Edward deep, because deep down he knew they were true. The monster was feeding off of Jacob's words. Using them as an excuse as to why he needed to slip back into his old self. Edward slammed the door as he left the office.

Stalking to the elevator, Edward heard his office door open and close behind him. He braced himself, waiting for Jacob to strike. Turning he saw it wasn't Jacob. It was Esme. She met him as he was pushing the elevator button.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

Edward, sighed.

"I have to see them. You heard Jenks. She needs help."

Esme looked at her son skeptically. They both knew that that was not the only reason he was going.

The elevator arrived then, and Edward stepped in with Esme behind him. She waited until he pushed the button for the ground floor before continuing.

"I hate to admit it but Jacob is right. Bella isn't going to let you into Alexis's life so easily."

"I know that."

She waited for him to continue, but he didn't. "What are you going to do then?"

"I don't know." Edward was becoming slightly frustrated with his mother's questions. She was bringing up things he didn't want to think about.

When the elevator dropped them off onto the ground floor, Esme grabbed Edward's arm as he was about to make his way to the exit.

"I'll let you go now but remember. Bella is not going to make this easy. She's going to try to keep you out of Alexis's life. But Alexis is your daughter as well, and you have every right to be in her life. Also, I want to meet Alexis and as you know, Bella and I didn't exactly get along while she was here."

Edward was about to question that - he'd never understood why Bella and Esme had never gotten along - but Esme stopped him by raising her hand.

"Let me finish," she said, gripping his arm tightly. " Please don't let her lock me out of my granddaughter's life."

She released his arm. Looking at his mother, Edward knew what she was trying to say.

She did want him to take Alexis from Bella.

"I can't do that to her," Edward said simply.

He left Esme by the elevator and continued to the exit. Dean and two other bodyguards were waiting in his car.

"Mr. Cullen, Mr. Jenks left this folder for you," Leah said, as he was passing.

Taking it, he saw that it was the folder containing Bella's information.

"Cancel all my appointments. I'm taking an early vacation," he told her as he left.

Edward made it to the airport a half hour later. His plane stood on the runway waiting and ready.

"Let's go," Edward said to pilot as he buckled himself in. A few minutes later he was in the air, closer than he'd ever been in the last four years to Bella.

When the plane had leveled off, the hostess walked over to him.

"Would you like a drink, Mr. Cullen?" she asked.

"Yes." She poured him a gin and tonic and then left.

He continued to stare at the photos Jenks had given him of Alexis and Bella. Alexis looked so much like her mother, but he was there in her as well. In the shape of her face and her of course eyes. He never thought of the possibility of having a child. He never saw himself as a father. Looking at Alexis now, deep down something felt...right.

Part of him was angry. Angry that Bella hadn't told him she was pregnant. That she'd taken their child, his child, away from him without even giving him a chance to be in her life. He knew he shouldn't blame her for that of course. None of what had happened was her fault. It was all on him. But he couldn't help his anger.

The other part of him felt...joy. He was a father. He'd created this tiny being with the person he loved most in the world. Her conception was not something he was proud of, but he was glad for her. He knew that no matter what happened, he and Bella would always be connected through Alexis. He hadn't even met Alexis yet, but already he loved her. Just like with her mother, he knew he could never live without her.

His fingertips brushed over Bella in the picture. Just as it had been before, she left two sides of him came up when he looked at her. The fearful side that knew Jacob was right when he said she probably hated him. She hadn't told him she was pregnant. She didn't want him in Alexis's life. She had every reason to keep him at bay. He knew she would try to run the second she saw him. Keeping him from Alexis had been her mission all along, and she would do whatever it took to continue that. To counter the jealousy, the monster reared its ugly head. It whispered that all of that could be easily solved. Legally, he and Bella were still married. He never filed the divorce papers, and from Jenks' files it seems she hadn't either. He didn't want to do it. He didn't want to hurt her again, but he wanted her. He wanted to have some chance with her. He wanted his family with Bella and Alexis. But he knew she would never want that.

* * *

><p><em>He couldn't deny that the bruise on her face unnerved him. Knowing that he'd put it there, made it worse. He hadn't meant to hurt her. To strike her like that but her refusal had hit him hard. Just like he'd told her when he'd gone to her room, he wanted her, needed her, and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He knew that she didn't want it. The tears on her face were evident to that, but <em>

_at that moment he didn't care. His joy blinded him to her pain. He hoped that over time she would change her mind as Emmett had said. _

_Edward had security take her from the basement where he held her hostage to a hotel upstate. Knowing she would try to run the first chance she got, Edward had guards assigned to her. It was late at night when security drove them to the hotel. She didn't speak to him. She just stared out the window, refusing to meet his eyes. _

_"Are you going to say anything to me?" he asked. She didn't reply. She just continued to stare out the window at the dark landscape. _

_After a few moments, he reached into the center console and pulled out a small black box. Her eyes followed him as he did. Opening the box he held it out to her. Inside, was a white gold ring. Four diamonds ran up the side. Two layers of diamonds surrounded the square top, where a stone lay. Even just by looking at it, Bella knew it was expensive. She couldn't completely hide the shock from her face, but she made no motion to take it. _

_Edward sighed and then taking her left hand in his, he slipped the ring onto the ring of her left hand. She didn't fight him as he did, knowing it was fruitless._

_"A symbol of my undying love," he said, smiling crookedly. Before, that smile would have made Bella's heart stop and cause her cheeks to turn pink but after all that had happened, it had no affect on her. She pulled her hand away and turned back to the window. They didn't speak for the rest of the drive, and when they reached the hotel, security ushered them through a private _

_back entrance from the garage up to the suite Edward had rented. Edward chuckled slightly as Bella's eyes widened at the sight of the extravagant room._

_"Is there anything else you may need, Mr. Cullen?" Dean asked._

_"No, we're fine."_

_Dean nodded and left the room. They would remain posted outside the door, and several more guards on the floor to ensure that Bella did not escape. _

_Edward walked behind her, and wrapping his arms around her waist he whispered in her ear, "Why don't you go wash up and change, and I'll have room service bring something up for you to eat. I had clothes brought in for you."_

_She shrugged out from under him and stomped to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Edward frowned slightly at the closed door, calling down to room service he ordered her favourite dishes. _

_Sitting on the couch, waiting for the food to arrive, Edward heard the shower in the bathroom start. Very faintly through the sound of the water, he heard the sound of her sobbing. _

_Not wanting to hear anymore, Edward was glad when he heard the knock from room service at the door. He answered it quickly and let them place the dishes on the dining room table. As they were leaving, Bella came out of the bathroom freshly showered, dressed in a black sleeping tank top and short sleeping pants. Her hair was still damp, and Edward could see that her eyes were swollen and red. He tried his best to ignore it as he gestured to the food. He knew she hadn't eaten anything while down in that basement. It was cruel to deny her food like that, but his desperation to break her thwarted any thoughts on kindness and cruelty._

_Bella hesitantly sat opposite him, but her hunger got the best of her so she began digging into the food. Edward waited till she had eaten a few bites, then he sat opposite her by the table and began helping himself to some of the food. _

_"Emmett's girlfriend Rosalie is a wedding planner, so she's organizing our wedding," he said._

_Her eyes widened, and Edward waited for her to respond but she didn't. "Don't you have anything to say?"_

_"Why should I say anything? I don't seem to have much input in anything," she finally said. Edward frowned at her answer but didn't respond. They ate in silence then, and when they were done, Edward led her over to the couch and sat opposite her._

_"This will work out," he whispered, taking her face in between his hands. His thumb was resting on her bruise. _

_She yanked her head away and stood, walking away from him. When she turned, Edward could see her anger burning beneath the surface. "You said I would be happy, but I don't see how locking me in a room and hitting me could make me happy!" she yelled._

_"That was your fault! Why couldn't you have just said yes!" he yelled back. He stood up, his hands clenching and unclenching. Emmett's plan wasn't working. She was supposed to have given in. What more did he have to do to break her?_

_"You know what, I still hate you! You ruined my life and why? Because you have some fucking sick obsession. I will never be happy with you. I will never love you again," she screamed at him. Her chest rising and falling with heavy breathes._

_That was when he lost it._

_Edward ran at her and began hitting her repeatedly all over her body and in return Bella tried to fight him off, but Edward was stronger than her so she still got the brunt of the beating. _

_"Edward! Please don't!" she begged as his hand collided with her shoulder._

_"Why can't you just give this a fucking chance?" he screamed letting his fists express the anger and sadness he felt. _

_"Stop, please! You're hurting me."_

_"Because you won't give me a fucking chance! Give us a fucking chance!"_

_He hit her one more time before he backed away. He watched as she crawled away from him, until her back was resting against the far wall. She held her face and arm where he'd struck her. The sight of her sitting there, terrified by what he'd done, infuriated him. At that moment he hated the monster he'd become. He hated himself for what he'd done to her, but he wanted her so badly. _

_"Ah!" he yelled in frustration, before turning on his heels and walking out the door, slamming it as he went. _

_Edward spent the next several hours in the hotel bar, underage drinking be damned, trying to erase from his mind what he'd done. He couldn't turn back now. Letting her go meant losing her forever. He couldn't do that. _

_It was almost three in the morning when he finally made it back to the suite. The lights were off in the room. Moonlight streamed in through the window. He could see her form on the bed. Quickly and quietly, he undressed and put on soft pants and a shirt, slipping into the bed. She was facing away from him, but she wasn't sleeping. Edward saw that her body was shaking from sobs. _

_He reached out to touch her hair, but she tensed away from him. Putting his hand under her chin, he turned her face until she was facing him. Her eyes were wet, and there were tear trails down her cheek. Bruises were already forming on her face and arms from where he'd struck her earlier. Her eyes were hard as she met his. _

_He pressed his lips softly to hers and then releasing her face, he let her turn away from him again._

* * *

><p>When Edward pulled up outside Bella's house, it was almost dawn. The street was still quiet, and gray clouds loomed overhead. There weren't many houses around. The nearest neighbor was on the other street. Forest surrounded the property. Dean met him outside his car. "Stay close but hidden. I don't want her to be too alarmed."<p>

Nodding, Dean and the other guards drove around the corner. When they were out of sight, Edward turned, taking in the house.

It was small with a faded roof and peeling paint. An old red Chevy truck stood in the driveway. It looked like something his great grandfather would drive. Clearly unsafe. Walking up the path to the house, Edward saw a child's bicycle on the porch. It was old like the truck.

Looking at the house, Edward didn't know how to proceed. He knew knocking would be fruitless. One look through the window would send Bella running.

Trying the door, Edward wasn't surprised to find it locked. Pulling out his wallet, he took out his credit card. Slipping the card in the crack between the door and the frame, he tilted it until the lock snapped back. The door opened before him. Undetected, he stepped into the house, careful not to make a sound he closed the door behind him lightly. The house was one story, and from where he stood, he could see the living room and in the back, the kitchen . Toys were scattered on the living room floor. Making his way down the adjacent hallway, the house was still quiet. There were three doors, one of them open showing the tiny bathroom. Another one at the far end and one opposite the bathroom. Edward didn't know which one belonged to Bella and which to Alexis. He tried the farthest one first.

It was Bella's.

The room was small with books scattered across the floor. He could see her sleeping form, lying on a mattress on the floor. He briefly remembered when he'd held her hostage, and she had to sleep on a mattress on the floor in the basement as well. He hated the memory of it. Bella was curled up on the mattress, still fast sleep.

Standing in the room, Edward couldn't believe it was her. It was finally her. The pictures Jenks had given him did not do her justice.

"Absence does make the heart grow fonder," Edward, whispered to himself.

He didn't think it was possible to love her anymore, but he did. Unsure how to approach her, Edward went for the direct one. Walking to where she lay sleeping, Edward stooped close to her. He pressed his finger gently to her lips. The pressure caused Bella to startle awake, and she opened her mouth to scream, but the sound never left her lips. His hand covered her mouth, muting it. He didn't want her to terrify Alexis in the next room. Her eyes widened in fear, and her heart race quickened. She prayed it was a dream. That he was not standing in front of her. But it wasn't. The monster from her nightmares was standing in the middle of her room.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favourited and story alerted. <em>**

**_I'm continuously blow away. _**

**_I really enjoy reading all of your opinions on this story.  
><em>**

**_ You can find me on _**_**Twitter XxMementoMorix **_

_**Drop a line if you're there. Just let me know you're from FF & I'll follow back. Warning though, I ramble too much.  
><strong>_

**Special thanks to** **Project Team Beta, Dragonfly336 & BelleDean for proof-reading.**


	6. Save Me

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"As we do at such times I turned on my automatic pilot and went through the motions of normalcy on the outside, <strong>

**so that I could concentrate all my powers on surviving the near-mortal wound inside" **

**- Sonia Johnson**

**Chapter 5**

**Save Me**

The room was quiet as Bella took in the person before her. The shock at seeing him there was too much.

She hoped that it was just a dream- just a nightmare. That at any moment she would wake up. But after several seconds passed and nothing had changed, she knew she had to face the reality of the situation. Edward was really there. After almost four years, he was really standing in the middle of her room.

She couldn't deny that the sight of him made her heart race, and not just in fear.

He was still beautiful.

Still gorgeous.

His hair still stood up on ends from the numerous times he'd put his hand through it. He looked like he hadn't shaved in a while. It was no big surprise that all the girls had fallen for him back in high school. If she had to guess, women probably still fell for him now.

But she knew that that didn't matter. He was like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Tempting on the outside, but a tyrant on the inside.

Suddenly, she was furious that he was there. Furious that he'd broken into her home, but she wasn't surprised. Edward always did what he wanted without regard for others. She guessed he hadn't changed.

His hand was still covering her mouth, so she bit down on it hard.

"Ow!" he yelled, pulling his hand away.

She swung at him, but he caught her arm before it made impact on his face.

"Wait! Just listen," he pleaded, but the sound was lost to her. Also, she didn't want to listen. She didn't want to hear what he had to say. She just wanted him to leave her and her daughter alone.

She tried with the other hand, but he caught that one, too. He held both her arms in his as she struggled against him.

"Just listen!" he begged. "I'm not going to hurt you!"

"Yeah right. I've heard that before." Her voice was frantic.

She kicked out at him and her blow caught him right between his legs. The pain and shock made him let go of her arms. The second he dropped them, she began scrambling away from him towards the door.

"No, wait! Please." He reached out and grabbed her leg.

"Let go of me!" she yelled, sending out another kick at him, but missing. He reached for her arms again, and he pushed against her until he overpowered her. Pinning her to the floor, his body covered hers. He held her arms at the side of her head as Bella continued to struggle. Her survival instinct screamed at her to get away from him. Get away from the person who would hurt her and possibly her daughter.

"Please, just listen," he whispered. Their faces were just inches apart.

Bella's breathing was heavy. She wanted to scream out for help, but at the same time she didn't want Alexis to wake up and see her like that. To see her mother being pinned beneath her father. She would rather face Edward's fist a thousand times, than let Alexis be exposed to that.

"Please! I'm not going to hurt you. Just listen. Give me a moment." His sweet breath brushed over her face. After all those years he was still intoxicating. The scent still made her dizzy.

She hated it. She hated the way her body reacted to him.

Her eyes turned hard. "Fine! Just get off of me."

He pushed off of her. His arms were slightly out, ready to grab her again if she ran. Bella sat up and backed away from him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she demanded. Her voice sounded breathless and she hated it. It made her sound afraid. She was, but he didn't need to know that.

He smiled slightly at her question, but there was no amusement in his eyes. Instead, his eyes roamed over her while he answered. "What? You thought I'd just move on and forget about you?"

He looked up then, meeting her eyes.

Those eyes.

Those eyes she'd fallen in love with when they were high school. Those eyes that turned hard when he was angry at her. Those eyes that she'd stare into as he struck her. Those eyes that looked so similar to her daughter's. Alexis's eyes had been brown, up until she turned eleven months old. After that, her eyes slowly changed to green. To Bella, it was like a constant reminder of the past that she'd tried so hard to leave behind.

"I'd hoped. I assumed I was just another possession to you. Easily replaceable." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

Bella couldn't understand the sadness that seemed to fill his eyes at her words, or why he grimaced. He didn't respond for a moment, and when he did, his eyes hardened, and he sounded slightly angry.

"So after all this time, you've been here," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I couldn't believe it when security told me you'd actually escaped. I should have known that you would find a way to slip away from them."

"Yeah, well I found my reason to run."

Bella was testing him. To see if he knew anything about Alexis. The pain that filled his eyes showed that he did.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered.

"You're seriously asking that question?" she asked in disbelief.

She watched his face carefully, waiting to see how he would react to finding out he was a father. Waiting to see the anger she knew would come. She suspected that guys like Edward, who saw women as a conquest and nothing more, wouldn't want to be tied to any woman by a child.

"You didn't even give me a chance."

"I didn't think you'd care," she answered honestly.

Edward opened his mouth to reply, but a sound stopped them.

From the other room, they could both hear movement as Alexis began to stir. Bella's eyes snapped to Edward's.

"I want to meet her," he whispered.

Bella's eyes widened in fear. She couldn't believe he was serious. She couldn't understand what reason he would have for wanting to meet Alexis. She'd hoped that if he ever knew about Alexis, he wouldn't want anything to do with her. He wouldn't want a barrier in his way as he plowed through women. She didn't know if that was true. She wasn't sure if he'd jumped into bed with the first woman he could pick up after she was gone, but she guessed that he was just like his father. But whereas Esme had sat there and took it all, she refused to.

"Please don't do this. Just let her be," she pleaded. "I promise I won't ask you for anything. I won't ask for money or support. Just please leave her out of this." The desperation in her voice caught him off guard.

"Don't you think I have a right to meet my daughter?"

"No."

They could both hear Alexis making her way across the hall calling, "Mommy!"

Bella jumped up and ran to the door with Edward right on her heels.

When Bella reached out to touch the door handle, Edward stopped her by placing his hand on hers.

"Give me a second. Go wait in the kitchen," she called to Alexis. They could both hear the sound of her footsteps retreating down the hall.

When she was a distance away, Edward spoke. "I want to meet her."

"Well, I don't want you to," Bella hissed, her expression fierce.

Edward was silent for a few seconds, taking in her angry expression. The determined look in her eyes. Bella was ready to do whatever it took to keep Alexis safe. To keep her away from him.

"I don't want to fight you on this. I just want to meet my daughter." Again, sadness filled his eyes. Just for a moment, Bella thought it was real. That his wanting to see Alexis was genuine. But that only lasted a moment.

"And if I don't? Are you going to beat me into submission?" she hissed at him. "Besides, what makes you think she wants to see you? She doesn't even know you exist."

"You never told her about me?"

"What did you expect me to say? That her father is a colossal jackass and a woman beater? You want me to tell her that he pushed her mother down a flight of stairs when she was pregnant?" she spat. "That he probably fucked his way through the whole of Chicago while her mother was gone? Sorry I didn't incorporate that into her bedtime stories." She knew her words were hurting him, but at that moment she didn't care. She wanted to hurt him. She wanted scare him away. To make him feel too ashamed to ever face Alexis.

She also knew she was taking a risk pushing him like that. That was always when he'd attack, but at that moment she didn't care.

He grabbed her arm and swung her till she was pressed against the door. He held both her arms beside her head, pinning her there.

"There we go," she said. "After all these years you haven't changed. Why would I ever let you go anywhere near my daughter?"

"Because she's my daughter too," he hissed. Bella could see the anger on his face, and she braced herself for the blow.

But it didn't come.

Instead, pain filled his eyes, catching her off guard. She was expecting anger. Expecting the fury she was so used to seeing on him. Instead, he just stared back at her, looking defeated. When he spoke, the pain was reflected in his voice as well.

"What happened between you and I has nothing to do with her. You can hate me as much as you want, but at the end of the day she is still my daughter, and I will not let you keep her away from me," he said. His voice was low as he spoke. "I will give you time to tell her I'm here. I'll be back at ten o'clock to see her. Don't bother running. I _will_ keep an eye out."

He didn't wait for her to reply. Instead he crossed the room and went to her window. Before climbing out, he gave her one last fleeting look. It was only for a few seconds. His face was filled with such pain, such devastation, that Bella couldn't even speak. Quietly, he slipped out the window, leaving Bella staring at the spot. When she was sure he was gone, she crossed the room and slammed the window shut, locking it in place.

Taking a few breaths, Bella went out to the kitchen to check on her daughter. Standing in the entryway, she saw Alexis sitting at the table, playing with her bear.

That bear was the first item that Bella had bought for her baby. She hadn't been able to afford much when she first arrived in Forks, but she'd really wanted to get something special for her child. Before 'Maisie Bear' was being used as a comfort item for Alexis, when she'd fallen off the swings, or when she'd fallen ill, the bear was used as a comfort item for Bella. Who at eighteen years old found herself pregnant, in a new town, evading an abusive husband. More than three years later, the bear was shabby and worn. His brown fur was missing patches on its head, and the fur around his neck had been hugged off.

Bella watched as Alexis held the bear's paws in her hands. Then she shook it so the bear looked like he was dancing. It was such a normal morning routine, but it wasn't a normal morning. With the arrival of Edward, everything had changed.

* * *

><p><em>"Noo!" Bella cried out as she woke with a start. Her breathing was heavy as she took in the unfamiliar surroundings. <em>

_She was laying on a king-sized bed in an extravagant bedroom. The bed was covered with an ivory satin duvet and had way too many pillows on it. It had all the commodities of a hotel suite. Half of the room looked like a living room, with a brown leather couch and a flat screen television. Off to the left, she could see a door and from her spot, she could see a massive window. The morning sun shone through it. _

_The memory of all that had happened washed over, and she looked onto the other side of the bed. _

_It was empty. _

_Edward was gone. She breathed a sigh of relief at that. She'd been in the room for the past three days, unable to leave. She'd tried the front door already, on the rare moments when Edward was gone, but just like in the basement, no matter how many times she tugged and pulled at the handle, it wouldn't budge. The window was just the same. Locked from the outside. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. The room was several stories up._

_Pulling herself out of bed, she made her way to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, Bella saw that some of the purple marks on her face were almost black. Others were now being formed. The sight was becoming all too familiar. All of them had been left untreated and a few were still swollen. The only thing she was able to put on it was ice. Turning on the faucet, she washed her face, wishing she could wash away the memories as well. Last night had been no different than the last several. She and Edward had had a screaming match, and he had become violent. _

_Walking back into the bedroom, Bella collapsed backwards onto the bed. _

_The sound of a key in the lock made her sit up. _

_She braced herself for Edward's return. But it wasn't Edward. _

_An elderly woman with gray hair and dressed in a maid's attire walked in pushing a cart. She made sure to close the door behind her. This was the first person other than Edward she had seen since arriving at the hotel. She hoped that this was her chance._

_"Good morning, Miss," the woman said, pushing the cart to the dining room table. _

_Bella didn't respond. Her eyes were guarded as she took in the woman. The woman didn't react to Bella's lack of response. Instead, she began placing dishes onto the dinning table, pulling off the covers as she went. There were pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, hash brown and a pitcher of orange juice. _

_"I'm not going to hurt you," the woman said, as she bent down to retrieve something from below the cart. She pulled out a medical kit and began rummaging through it._

_When she looked up and saw Bella still sitting on the bed, she said, "Please come and eat. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to treat your injuries."_

_After a few moments, Bella made her way slowly to the table and sat down. The woman waited until Bella began eating, then she pulled out a tube, and began rubbing it on Bella's bruised cheek. The gel was cool as the woman made gentle circles on her skin._

_It was quiet then. The only sound was of the woman's deep breathing. Bella knew that it was now or never. If she had any chance of getting away from Edward, this woman was it. _

_"Please help me," she whispered. The woman didn't reply. She didn't even look at her. She just continued to treat the bruise. The she reached into the kit and pulled out a spray._

_"This might sting a bit," she said as she pressed the nozzle on the bottle._

_It did sting, but Bella was immune to that pain. The woman wasn't going to help her. Bella had to bite her lip hard to stop from crying out in frustration._

_"Listen," the woman whispered softly. "Mr. Cullen had this room specially made before you arrived. There are guards posted outside this room and down the hallway. They will be listening. The hotel staff has been given instructions to stay away from this room. Only authorized people are allowed in. The only way to get out of this room is through the door, and security is posted there at all times," the woman whispered quietly in a rush. Her lips barely moved as she spoke. "I would help you if I could, but I can't. I can't sneak you out."_

_"Maybe you can tell someone," Bella whispered back._

_"I'm sorry. The Cullen's have the police wrapped around their fingers. If I go to them that won't help at all. No one can help you. You can't escape him."_

_The tears fell on their own accord then. _

_The woman paused then, taking in Bella's tears. She took Bella's chin in her hand, and when she spoke, her voice was still a whisper, but it was filled with sympathy. "My best advice, do what he says. Even if you can't love him, pretend to. It's your only chance of surviving."_

_"I can't do it. I can't just go along with it so easily," Bella whispered angrily through her tears._

_The woman's eyes were sad as she looked at her. "You have no choice. If Edward is anything like his father, things will just get worse for you if you keep fighting him. Do what you have to do to survive."_

_"How do you know them?" Bella asked._

_"I work at their estate here. Edward didn't trust anyone else. I am bound by contract not to say anything that happens in that house."_

_She let go of Bella._

_"I'll leave the dishes here for you to finish," she said, speaking in her normal voice. _

_She put the kit back on the cart and then she turned and headed towards the door. Before stepping out, she gave Bella one last look, then she left, closing the door behind her._

_The food suddenly tasted like rubber in Bella's mouth. Her appetite was gone, but the memory of what it was like to be hungry was still strong in her mind, so she continued eating. She knew the woman was right. The marks on her body were evident to that. She was trapped. The more she fought Edward on this, the worse things were going to get. _

_The maid's words ran through her head again. '_Do what you have to do to survive.'

_To survive, she would have to love-or at least pretend to love-Edward. She would have to go through the whole thing and maybe, just maybe if she did, she might be able to find a way to get away from him. A way to escape. But it would take a lot of submission. It would mean she would have to go against everything she ever stood for, and actually bend to Edward's will. Just the thought of it made her sick. But she had no choice. She just had to be sure not to lose herself in the process. _

_Lunch and dinner were brought to the room throughout the day by different housekeepers. Each one said nothing as they unloaded the trays. They were keeping with their order and remaining quiet. It was late evening when Edward finally returned. Bella was standing at the window looking out into the sunset. The hotel they were at had a beach front view. From her spot, she could see the ocean and beach goers, soaking up the last few days of summer vacation. _

_Had it really just been two weeks ago that she had been getting ready to go to college? Two weeks since she had been as care free as them?_

_When Edward entered, she didn't turn. It wasn't until he wrapped his arms around her waist, and pressed his lips to her hair, that she acknowledged him._

_"What are you looking at?" he asked._

_"Just the sunset," she answered quietly. It was taking every ounce of self control for her to not push him away._

Do what you have to do to survive.

_Edward seemed taken aback by her response._

_"What?" she asked, looking at the confusion on his face._

_"Nothing. I just wasn't expecting a normal response like that. I was expecting anger. For you to yell. Say you hate me. You know, the usual."_

_Oh, how she wished she could do that._

_Turning around, she wrapped her arms around his neck. The motion again, caught him off guard. _

_"Well," she said. "I thought about it, and I decided to give you a chance."_

_He stared at her in disbelief. "A chance?"_

_"Yes. I want to be happy with you. I want to give us a chance." Bella had always been a good liar. Edward knew that. So he watched her face carefully to see if she meant it. So to seal the deal, she pressed her lips lightly to his. _

_That was all the convincing he needed. _

_The next several days passed in a blur. Edward's whole demeanor changed with that one kiss. They no longer fought, and for once, he was gentle with her. Always wanting to make sure she had everything she wanted. _

_Or at least, almost everything. She never asked him if she could go home, because she knew that would just give her whole plan away. _

_Instead of having her cooped up in the room all day, he would take her on walks in the garden around the hotel or along the beach. They would have dinner at restaurants, and he would tell her a thousand times a day that he loved her. In return, she would say the same thing. _

_Whenever they went, they always went with security. Whether it was for protection or to make sure she didn't run, she didn't know. Either way, Edward was genuinely happy. It practically radiated off of him in waves. _

_The night before their wedding, they both lay in bed. All the lights were off. The only source of light came from the moon shining through the window._

_His body covered hers as he trailed kisses up and down her jaw. His fingers were gentle as he brushed them across her neck and as he cupped her face. Then he would lean in and press his lips to hers. Her arms were wrapped around his body, and her hands buried in his hair. _

_After a few moments, their lips broke apart. He pressed his forehead against hers as he spoke._

_"Security will take you to the estate. Rosalie and Esme will meet you there to help you get ready. Alice was supposed to help but I think it would be best if you stayed away from her," he said. _

_She laughed, the nerves of it all choking her slightly. "So I don't get to pick out my wedding dress?"_

_She had meant it as a joke, but he frowned in response. "I'm sorry. I knew you were against the whole thing, so I told them to just go ahead with the arrangements. If you want we can postpone it another day so you could chose one."_

_"No, no it's alright." Picking out a wedding dress to a forced marriage did not sound like much fun to her. _

_"Are you sure? I want this to be special for you."_

_She was being forced to marry someone who spent the last several days using her as a punching bag. She couldn't understand how it could be anymore special. _

_Out loud she said, "No, it's okay. The dress doesn't matter. Being able to tie myself to you is."_

_He smiled at her response, and leaned down, pressing his lips to hers again. She knew she was fooling him for a reason, but she couldn't help erase the feeling that toying with his emotions was wrong- that fooling him like that was wrong. But she brushed it aside. It was too late to change her mind._

_Instead, pulling her lips from his, she changed the subject._

_"Who are Rosalie and Alice?" She'd heard Rosalie's name mentioned that one night when they'd first arrived, but at that time she hadn't really cared._

_"Rosalie is Emmett's _current_ girlfriend," Edward said. Emphasizing the word current with a roll of his eyes. _

_"Current?"_

_He laughed."Yeah, current. He goes through them like clothes. He wears them for a certain time,and then when he gets tired of them, he tosses them."_

_"Odd," she thought. Why couldn't Edward be like that? Why couldn't he become tired with her and just toss her? Why did he go to such lengths to secure her hand?_

_"And Alice?"_

_"Alice is Jasper's girlfriend. A real nutcase. He actually met her through his 'supplier'. The two of them share a common taste for popping pills. She introduced him to the wild side of life, and he introduced her to the power of pain pills. A match made in heaven," he added with a snort. _

_His words brought an old memory to her. It was the night after they'd broken up, and Jessica had invited her out to a party to help cheer her up. Bella had partied hard that night. Drinking and smoking things that she knew was wrong. When Edward had shown up, as he always did, he'd just seen her with alcohol in hand. He had no idea of what she had been inhaling moments before. The two of them had had a blow out as he dragged her home. It wasn't until she'd sobered up the next night that she realized, had Edward not come and taken her out, she might have done something she would regret for the rest of her life. _

_She didn't want to dwell on that subject anymore, so again she changed it._

_"Will your parents be there?"_

_"Yes. My whole family. Why?"_

_She was interrupted from answering by a loud banging on the door. _

_A loud voice came from the other side of the door. "Let Edward out, or we're breaking down the door!" _

_Edward groaned in response. "Go away, Emmett!" Edward shouted to him._

_"Edward he's serious. He's beginning to back up..." a different male voice said. Bella recognized the voice as Jasper's. _

_"Fine! Give me five minutes," Edward yelled back, exasperated. Turning back to Bella he said, "It seems my brothers are not going to let me bow out tonight."_

_He rolled off of her and went into the bathroom._

_"What do they want?" Bella called to him._

_When he emerged from the bathroom, he was dressed in a casual top and jeans. "They insist on throwing me a bachelor party," he sighed. "I told them I didn't want to do it, but they are relentless."_

_She chuckled slightly. The three of them shared that common trait. _

_"I'll see you tomorrow. Security will be here at nine."_

_Leaning down, he pressed his lips gently to her forehead. "I love you," he whispered._

_"I love you too."_

_Her words made him smile. With one last peck on her cheek, he left. _

_When the door closed behind him, Bella collapsed back onto the bed, glad the charade was over for the moment. Tomorrow she knew she would have to dig deep to pull it off. Rolling onto her side, she knew convincing Edward was not the hard part. The hard part was making sure she didn't fall into the belief that it was all real. That he really did love her. _

* * *

><p>With her back pressed against the wall in the hallway, Bella sank to the ground. Burying her head in her hands, she had to bite her lip to stop from screaming. She feared this. For the past four years she had been fearing this. She'd hoped that he would just let her be, to leave her, leave them alone and have moved on with his life, but she should have known. Edward was not someone to let something go that easily. The despair came in waves. Each one bringing back the horrid memories and with that, she hated him again. The fear and pain receded and the anger returned.<p>

She knew she had to get Alexis away from him.

"Mommy! Are you sleeping again?" she heard Alexis call. Hearing the soft sound of footsteps approaching, Bella pulled herself off the ground and planted a fake smile on her face. She couldn't let Alexis see her like that.

Bella met Alexis as she bent the corner to walk back into the hall.

"Good morning," she said, bending down and giving her a slight squeeze.

"Where were you? Are you still sleepy?"

"Yes. I dozed back to sleep, but I'm okay now."

The morning continued as normal. Alexis sat at the table while Bella served her breakfast. Alexis was her usual chirpy self, talking about purple unicorns and purple elephants. Bella tried to listen to her as she spoke, but her mind kept returning to Edward. She couldn't forget what he had told her. Glancing at the clock on the wall, Bella saw that it was 8:30. She had an hour and a half before Edward returned to meet Alexis. She wanted to run; to grab Alexis and run like she had all those years ago, but she knew Edward's threat had been sincere. He would be watching the house, anticipating that she would try to make a break for it.

Looking at Alexis, Bella didn't know how to tell her. She didn't know how to explain it. How to explain any of it to her. She thought she'd have years before this conversation ever came up. That she would have plenty time, but glancing at the clock again, she saw that she was out of time. She knew she would have to word this carefully and make it sound like a good thing.

She wanted to be vindictive. She knew that Alexis would be taking cues from her on how to react to Edward. She wanted to paint Edward in a bad light so Alexis would never become attached to him and maybe never want to see him. But she knew it was wrong. She knew that in the end, doing that would hurt Alexis above all, and she would not do that to her.

Taking a last bite of bread, Alexis asked, "So what are we doing today?"

"Actually, someone special is coming by today," Bella said, feigning enthusiasm.

"Santa?"

"No. Someone even more special."

There was a brief pause before Bella said, "Your dad."

The pause then was long, as Bella's words sank in. Bella tried to read Alexis's expression, but her face was blank. Then Alexis looked down and began rubbing her bear's fur in between her index finger and thumb. Bella knew the action well. It was what Alexis did when she was thinking something through, or when something was bothering her. Bella gave her a few moments to speak, but when she didn't Bella asked, "What do you think?"

Alexis didn't respond for a moment. When she finally looked up, Bella could see the many questions in her eyes.

"Why?" Alexis asked.

"Why is he coming by?"

Alexis nodded.

Bella took a moment to word her answer very carefully. She had to make it sound like a good thing. "Because he wants to meet you."

"Where was he before?"

Her question was simple, but Bella knew she was asking more than that. Bella knew Alexis meant to ask, 'Why wasn't he here before?'

Bella took a few moments again to weigh her response. She knew she would have to be careful. To not tell her too much.

"Well, your dad was living in Chicago."

Alexis was silent, waiting for Bella to continue. Truthfully, Bella didn't know how to continue. She didn't know how to explain any of it to a three year old. So instead, Bella used the same response her mother would tell her when she was Alexis's age.

"I know you have a lot of questions, but I can't answer them right now. But when you're older I will explain it to you. Okay?"

Alexis was silent for a few moments and then she nodded. "When is he coming by?"

Looking at the clock, Bella saw that it was almost nine.

"In an hour. Why don't you go change out of your pajamas to meet him?"

Alexis nodded but made no motion to get up. "Will you be there?"

"Of course. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right beside you."

That seemed to reassure her enough.

While Bella got herself and Alexis ready, Alexis asked more about Edward. She wanted to know where he worked. If he had any brothers and sisters, and about his parents. The last two questions, Bella glossed over the answers, not speaking much about them. It was one thing to lie about Edward, it was a whole other thing to lie about his family. She would not portray them as good people, when they were everything but.

Bella tried to act cheerful as she dressed Alexis, but it was hard. It was hard to pretend to be happy, when she was everything but. Her mind raced with ways to get away from Edward.

When they were both dressed, Alexis held Bella's hand tightly in one hand, and Maisie Bear in the other, as they made their way out onto the front porch. The slight drizzle that had started while they were eating breakfast had stopped, but the sky was still overcast.

Bella sat on one of the front steps, and right away Alexis climbed onto her lap. Bella knew her daughter was nervous about meeting her father for the first time. Alexis held her bear tightly in her arms and leaned back against Bella's chest. Bella wrapped her arms around her, trying to make her feel more relaxed.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked.

Alexis just shrugged.

"It will be okay," Bella said reassuringly. But she couldn't know that for sure.

"What if he doesn't like me?" Alexis asked, rubbing the bear's fur again.

"Of course he will," Bella answered. But she wasn't sure that was the right answer. After all, she didn't know what Edward's motives were for wanting to meet Alexis. But to Bella it didn't matter anyway. One way or another, she was determined to get her daughter away from him.

* * *

><p><strong>Please remember there is still alot more to come in this story and even more to be revealed about Bella and Edward's past. The flashback in this chapter is evident of that. This story is still very young.<br>**

**Thanks so much again to everyone who reviewed, favourited and story alerted. **

**Your reviews really give me the motivation and extra push I need to continue. I also love reading everyone's opinions on each chapter. It's amazing the mixed feelings that everyone has for Edward. So if you've got a minute, don't forget to share your thoughts by reviewing.  
><strong>

**I'm on Twitter at _XxMementoMorix_ Drop a line if you're there. **

**Special thanks to** **Project Team Beta, Dragonfly336 &** SecretlySeverus** for proof-reading.**


	7. With Arms Wide Open

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>In reality, hope is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs man's torments. <strong>

**- Friedrich Nietzsche**

**Chapter 6**

**With Arms Wide Open**

Edward yelled out in frustration as he got into his car. Slamming the door shut, he didn't have time to think, to feel anything just yet. Pulling out from in front of Bella's house, he called Dean on his phone.

As soon as the line was picked up, he talked, not waiting for any formalities.

"Have security set up a perimeter around the house. If she leaves, call me."

He didn't wait for a response before he hung up, throwing the phone onto the passenger seat in anger.

Forks was now beginning to show signs of movement as people went out to collect their morning papers, and the stores began opening their doors. The sun was barely visible through the clouds, but Edward was lost to all of that. His mind was still on what had happened that morning.

When he'd boarded that plane in Chicago, Edward had gone with the reasoning that he needed to help Bella. That it was his obligation to help her and their daughter. That he would provide for Bella and be a good father to Alexis. That if Bella wanted nothing between them, he would abide by it. That if during that time she was to move on and find someone else, he would let her go. That he would not force anything between them ever again. He knew he would always love her, always wish he'd done things differently, but he promised himself he would not pursue her. She deserved someone better, someone who was capable of an unadulterated kind of love, a love that only cherished and never sought to oppress. He knew with certainty that he was not capable of loving her this way. If she was within his reach again, he'd only seek to possess, to dominate.

But from the moment he'd entered her bedroom, all of that went out the window. Just the sight of her had crushed his reasoning, and when his finger had brushed her lips, it had re-ignited all the urges in him. The need and the want to have her, mixed in with four years of missing, was a dangerous combination. The desire to make her his had returned. He knew then and there that no matter what happened, he would never be able to let her go. He was ready to do what ever it took to regain her trust, to get her back. He would not force her to do anything, but he would try his hardest to build something between them.

Yet her vicious words had thrown that plan out the window. She didn't want anything to do with him, and she never would. He could feel the deep hatred emanating from her. He knew grabbing her was wrong. It was what got them into that mess in the first place, but he'd become so frustrated. As he drove through Forks, he couldn't accept it. He couldn't accept that it was really over between them. He knew there had to be something, something still left between them. Something that remained after the fires of his obsession had burned everything else around them. And there was.

Alexis.

Bella had told him that she never told Alexis about him. That meant he would be able to start from scratch. He was determined to do right by his daughter. He would do everything within his power to make sure Alexis and Bella were taken care of and maybe, just maybe, that might prove to Bella that he had changed. That he had learned from his mistakes. It was a long shot, but it was the only hope he had.

Still, he was already off to a bad start. He knew it should have been Bella's decision to let him meet Alexis, not his. The determination in her eyes told him that she would have never let that happen of her own accord. So, he forced her to. He'd hoped that by giving her time to tell Alexis about him he'd pacify her. But the sound of her slamming her window shut as he left, said it hadn't.

As he drove through street after street, the nervousness of finally getting to meet Alexis began settling in. He realized he should show up with something to give her, a gift of some kind that would endear him to the little girl.

After turning onto another road, Edward finally spotted his destination. The local toy store was small, as was everything else in the town, but it would have to do. Walking into the store, Edward didn't even know where to begin. There were toys of all sorts of shapes and colors lining the walls. Toys that buzzed and blinked, as well as others that didn't seem to do anything at all.

Walking down the aisle closest to the door, he began pulling toys down as he went to get a better look at them. He didn't know what kind of toy Alexis would even like. Dolls? All girls liked dolls, right? Would this be too big for her? Is she too big for this? Girls liked pink things, right? But if she was anything like her mother, she would despise that colour.

Edward was so caught up in his thoughts, he didn't see the toy store employee until she was right beside him.

"Need any help?" she asked.

When his eyes met hers, she seemed taken aback for a moment. "I'm sorry, but your eyes look very familiar. Is this your first time in town?"

"Yes, this is my first time in Forks." Looking at her nametag, he saw that her name was Bree. "And I would like your help. I'm looking for something for a three-year-old girl. But I don't know where to start."

Bree looked into his eyes for a moment longer, then she shrugged and motioned for him to follow her. "Well, you're in the wrong section first of all. This is the baby section." She led him three rows down. "Now, do you know what her favourite character is?" She motioned at the line of toys on the shelf. "That's usually the best way to start."

"Character?"

"Yeah, like a cartoon character. Usually at three years, children develop some kind of obsession with a character they see on television. If you know her favourite, that will score you some bonus points in the gift department," Bree explained.

"No. I don't know what her favourite character is." Edward hated to admit that he didn't even know that simple thing about his own daughter.

"Oh, a gift for a friend's kid then," Bree guessed looking away.

Edward didn't want to correct her by delving into the fact that he was meeting his daughter for the first time, that he was really hoping this gift could some how make up for his absence for the past three years, as ridiculous as it sounded. At the very least, he thought that this gift could perhaps act as some kind of peace offering to show Bella he meant well.

"Well, is the parent a good friend or not so much?" Bree asked.

"Why does it matter?"

"Well, if you don't like the parents, and it's just an obligation, you should get something that makes a lot of noise or a lot of mess. Either one will irritate them." Bree turned and pulled something from the shelf and handed it to him. It was a box containing some kind of green slime. Edward knew that this gift would not get him any points with Bella who was such a neat person.

"Kids actually play with this kind of stuff?" Edward asked, raising his eyebrow. "It's nothing but gunk."

Bree's head tilted to the side as she answered, "You don't spend much time around kids, huh?"

Edward shook his head.

"Her mother and I are not close, but this isn't a vindictive gift," Edward said, putting the box back on the shelf.

"How about a doll?"

Now it was Edward's turn to laugh. "If she's anything like her mother, she's going to rip the head of the doll and throw it at me."

Bree looked confused at what he said, but Edward shrugged it off. Looking back on the shelf, Edward scanned the line of toys again. He wanted to get Alexis a good gift, but knowing so little about her, he didn't know what a good gift was.

He sighed in defeat. "Thanks for your help, but I think I'll let her chose her gift," he said, as he headed towards the door.

"Usually the safest bet," Bree answered, turning to leave him.

As Edward was about to head out the door, Bree called out, "Alexis."

Turning, Edward looked back at her confused so Bree explained.

"Are you related to Alexis Swan?" she asked.

"Yes. She's my daughter."

Bree nodded. "She got her eyes from you. Alexis comes in here from time to time with Bella," she explained. "Usually just to window shop though. I don't know what her favourite toy, so I can't help you there."

Edward nodded. The toy store wasn't expensive, but he knew that with Bella's financial situation, toys and other such indulges was not something she could give to Alexis. Edward waved again as he left the store.

Walking back out to his car, Edward saw that it was only 9:30 a.m. He still had some time before he told Bella he would be there. He wondered how she would explain his arrival to Alexis. With Alexis, he didn't have to sift through the ashes with the hope of finding something, like he would have to with Bella.

* * *

><p><em>"So, you finally got the girl to come around." Emmett laughed raising his glass to Edward. <em>

_Edward rolled his eyes in response. _

_It was long after midnight, and Edward, Jasper and Emmett were in the V.I.P section of one of Florida's finest nightclubs. From their spot on the balcony, they could see the flow of people dancing to the pumping music below. _

_Emmett and Jasper's idea of a bachelor party was to get drunk out of their minds while teasing Edward about actually taking the plunge of marriage. _

_"Geez brother, I don't even understand why you would do it. Why tie yourself to one girl? That's so..." Emmett paused, searching for the right word. "Tacky."_

_"What's so tacky about wanting to be with one person?" Edward asked. _

_"Well for starters, you'll be the only one," Emmett said. _

_"Jasper is only seeing one girl, why are you down my throat?" _

_"Alice would never agree to marriage. Not unless there was a trail of pills leading up to the alter," Emmett joked._

_Jasper shot him a dirty look. _

_"Look," Edward said, "Bella is the only person I would ever want. I don't see the point of waiting."_

_Emmett gave him a devious look. "Speaking of waiting. Are you and Bella gonna do the dirty deed on your honeymoon?"_

_"And why would I tell you that?"_

_"Whatever, man," Emmett said, as he raised the glass to take another drink. "Let's forget about that. Tonight, we are single men. So we might as well enjoy it."_

_Turning from the crowd he motioned for Edward and Jasper to follow him through a door in the back. The door led out to a hall. Emmett led them to another door farthest from the one they'd just come out of. This time, the room they entered was dark, and when Edward's eyes adjusted to the lack of light, he could see lines of tables scattered throughout the room. There were poles coming out of each table, and wound around each pole was a woman barely dressed in skimpy clothes. Edward guessed that the music playing was supposed to be soft and sensual, but all it did was give him a headache. There were already a small group of men being entertained. _

_"A strip club? Really, Emmett?" Edward asked in disbelief._

_"Oh, come on! Why not? You're going to be handed the ol' ball and chain soon. Might as well enjoy your last bit of freedom."_

_"And what would Bella think?" Edward demanded. _

_"Who cares? It's none of her business," Emmett said, shrugging._

_Edward turned to hear Jasper's view on the whole idea, but Jasper just shrugged. "Why not?"_

_"I don't like this," Edward said._

_"Whats the problem?" Emmett asked, exasperated._

_"It's wrong. I'm basically cheating on Bella, and I'm not going to sit around and do that."_

_Edward turned to head out the door, but Emmett stopped him._

_"Come on. It's just one night. Bella won't even know," Emmett reasoned._

_As Edward looked back toward the dancers, his resolve wavered. "I don't know."_

_"Don't think about it," Emmett said. _

_Going behind Edward, he pushed him over to one of the tables in the center of the room. Then shoving him into one of the seats, he and Jasper took the chairs on either side of him. _

_"So what would you boys like?" one of the women asked, motioning for two of her friends to join her._

_Emmett pulled out his wallet and flashed several hundred-dollar bills._

_"We're ready to tip big, so give as good as you can," he told them. _

_All three women smiled at each other. _

_They each took one of the Cullen boys' hands and pulled them back into the hallway. _

_Jasper and Emmett disappeared through two doors at the far end. The woman pulling Edward's hand, led him to a center door._

_"Those your brothers?" she asked, when they both stepped into the room. Just like the previous room, this one was dark. It had all the commodities of a regular room, like a bed, a dresser, and an adjoined bathroom. It reeked of alcohol and sweat. There was a window on the other side, from which Edward could hear the sounds of city and see the lights._

_"Unfortunately," Edward said, answering her question._

_Pulling him over to the bed, she began reaching for his belt. In one quick movement, she had it unbuckled and began pulling his zipper down, but Edward's hand stopped her from going any further. _

_"Wait," he said. He couldn't erase the guilt of what he was doing. He knew it was wrong. No matter how much Emmett tried to justify it. It was like the ultimate betrayal of Bella's trust. Especially seeing as things were finally going well for them, he couldn't do anything that would jeopardize that. Also, he wanted his first time to be with Bella. Not with some hooker in a booze smelling room. _

_"Don't worry, babe. I can make you feel good," the woman said in a lascivious voice, her hand roaming up Edward's chest and into his hair. She grabbed a fistful of his hair, and began pulling him down to her, but putting his hands on her shoulders, he pushed her away. _

_"What the fuck?" she demanded._

_"I can't do this," he said, re-buckling his belt. Looking at the woman, Edward knew she couldn't be much older than Bella. He couldn't help but wonder what had happened in her life to land her in such an occupation as that. _

_Pulling out his wallet, Edward handed her several hundred-dollar bills._

_"For your troubles," he said, smiling slightly. _

_She raised her eyebrows at him, cautious. Then shrugging, she swiped the money from his hand and left the room. When the door shut behind her, Edward sat on the bed, burying his head in his hands. _

_The night hadn't really turned out as he planned, but he'd learned not to expect too much from Jasper and Emmett, so he wasn't surprised. At that moment, he wished he was back at the hotel with Bella. Even though they'd only been apart for a few hours, he missed having her in his arms. The last couple of days had been the best of his life. When she'd said she would give their relationship a chance, he thought it was too good to be true. But he'd wanted it so bad that he hadn't needed much convincing to believe her. _

_From that moment on, Edward had become determined to do everything he could to prove to her that his feelings for her were more than just the fleeting desire to possess, but rather that all his actions had been solely based on the deep love he felt for her. He'd hoped that his soft touches and gentle words would help erase all the pain he'd caused her from the time they'd started dating to when he ripped her away from her life, but the fading bruises on her skin showed that what he'd done would never fully be erased. It was the risk he'd taken when he'd taken her; the risk of always having to live with the guilt. But if it meant she would be his forever, it was a risk he had been ready to take. _

_Edward didn't care what Emmett had said. He loved Bella, and he knew she would be the only one for him. _

_He wanted to call her, but it was almost two in the morning, and he knew she would be asleep. He knew Jasper and Emmett no longer had a conscious so they would follow through. So that left Edward to salvage what was left of his bachelor party alone. _

* * *

><p>When Edward pulled up close to Bella's house, the clock on his dashboard said it was 9:59. Pulling off to the side of the road, he parked amongst the trees, some distance from the house so he'd be able to walk to them instead of his car announcing his arrival. Taking a deep breath, Edward got out of his car and walked the short distance. Before he emerged from among the trees, the sight before him made him pause. Then he smiled.<p>

Edward could see Bella and Alexis, but they could not see him. Alexis was lying on her back over Bella's knees, as Bella continuously tickled her. The little girl's laughter seemed to circle the air around Edward and made his heart swell. In Alexis's hand was an old, stuffed animal that may have resembled a bear at some point in time. Now it looked like a bunch of rags sewed together. Edward now wished he had bought a better toy for her. Even a box of gunk had to be better than that.

Taking a moment to really observe Bella and Alexis, Edward couldn't deny that they both looked happy. That even though things weren't ideal for her at the moment, Bella really had been able to build a life for her and Alexis. He was also relieved. Relieved that what Jacob had said about Bella being disgusted that a monster's child was growing in her didn't seem to be true. From what he could see, Bella never blamed Alexis for her father's sins.

Just like with Bella, the photos Jenks had given to him of them had not done her justice. Edward couldn't deny the shame he felt that he was about to uproot Alexis's life and turn it upside down. He was also turning Bella's world upside down again. The last time that had happened, everything that could go wrong between them, had. Edward hoped that this time that would not be the case.

Stepping out from behind the trees, it was several seconds before either of them noticed him. Bella was the first one to spot him, and in the brief second that Edward and Bella's eyes met, Edward could see the hatred reflected in Bella's eyes. He faltered slightly, before he was able to recompose himself and make his way to them. When she spoke to Alexis, Bella's voice was kind, and her eyes grew softer.

"Look whose here," Bella said to Alexis, pulling her into a sitting position onto Bella's lap. Edward watched as Alexis gripped that raggedy toy in her hand tighter. Her green eyes, so similar to his, looked up at him. Edward walked until he was closer to them, and then he stooped so Alexis wouldn't have to look up so high. Bella was watching him over her head.

"Hello," was all Edward could muster up. His throat suddenly felt very dry.

"Hi," Alexis's voice was timid as she answered. She began rubbing the bear's fur between her fingers as she stared at Edward.

Edward didn't know what else to say to her, and Bella didn't look like she wanted to help him, so he was grateful when Alexis was the one to continue the conversation.

"Your eyes look just like mine," she said, staring into Edward's eyes.

"Yes, they do. Just like yours."

"Why?" Alexis asked.

Edward looked at Bella. He didn't know how much she told Alexis about him in the brief time since he last saw her.

But Bella offered no assistance as she observed Edward and Alexis's meeting with deep regard.

"Well," Edward began. He didn't know how else to say it, so he went with the truth. "I'm your dad. So you have some traits from me and some from your mother."

"Like what from you?"

Edward paused for a few seconds, zoning in on the similar facial features between him and Alexis.

"Well, other than your eye colour, your smile."

"And your love for music," Bella said suddenly. Looking up from Alexis, Edward saw Bella was staring right at him and when she spoke again, even though she was talking to Alexis, her eyes never left Edward's. "You got that from your dad."

"And from mommy?" Alexis asked.

"Well, just about everything else," Edward said, his eyes were locked on Bella's. It was quiet then, as Bella and Edward seemed to be searching each other's eyes. Edward was searching for hope in hers, while Bella searching for the monster in his.

Finally tearing her eyes from Edward's, Bella said, "Lexie, why don't you go ride your tricycle for a second while I talk to your dad."

"Ride cycle-bikle?" Alexis asked, laughing.

"Yes," Bella answered, tickling her side.

"Cycle-bikle?" Edward asked.

"It's what she calls the tricycle," Bella explained, without looking up.

Alexis handed Bella the bear and climbed off her lap. The tricycle was parked next to the front door. It was rusted in some places and the red and yellow paint was faded. Just like the bear, it looked like it had seen better days. Edward watched as Alexis pushed the bike to the porch steps. He stood and helped her carry it down.

"Thank you," she said.

"You're welcome."

Climbing onto the bike, Edward watched as Alexis began riding the bike up and down the driveway. Every few feet it would tip over, but that didn't faze her. She just got back on and kept going. He wondered if it was safe for her to be riding so close to the road. It wasn't busy, but his heart still raced when ever she got too close.

"Should she be riding so close to the road?" he asked, turning to Bella. But she wasn't watching Alexis. Her eyes were still on Edward. Her face was confused.

Bella ignored his question and instead asked one of her own.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked.

Edward shrugged, taking a seat next to her. "I already told you. I want to meet her. I want to be a part of her life."

Being this close to Bella was hard. Edward wanted so badly to reach out and touch her, to pull her into his arms and promise to never let go. But doing that would be detrimental to his plan of proving to her that he'd changed. Also, he was pretty sure that any touch from him would only disgust her.

"Why?" Bella asked, still confused.

Edward thought carefully before he answered. He wanted to tell her how much both she and Alexis meant to him. How he would do anything to get them back, for them to be a real family. Yet he didn't want to scare her with his intensity, so he answered as honestly as he could.

"Because I made a lot of mistakes, and this is my chance to make up for it."

His answer only confused Bella more.

Looking back at Alexis, Edward saw that she was watching both of them. Her expression was thoughtful, and there was a slight crease between her eyebrows. Edward realized that just like her mother, Alexis had the ability to observe undetected.

When she rode over to where they were sitting, she asked Bella, "What are we doing today?"

"What do you want to do?" Bella asked.

Alexis thought for a second. "I want to go to the beach."

"Okay, put the bike back on the porch, and we'll go."

Edward stood again to help Alexis carry it up the steps.

"Are you coming with us?" she asked him, after putting the bike back by the door.

Edward was careful not to catch Bella's eye.

"Would you like me to go with you?" Edward asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay, then I'll come along," Edward said, cheered slightly that at least one of them wanted him there.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" Bella asked; her eyes narrowed as she looked at Edward. He could see it was taking every ounce of self-control she had to not yell.

"No, I don't have anywhere else to be," he said, smiling. "I'm free the whole day."

"Okay!" Alexis interjected, oblivious to the tension between her parents.

Bella followed her to the truck with Edward right behind them.

When Bella opened the back door to buckle Alexis in, Edward stopped. "Do you want to take my car?"

"Why?"

"Because it's safer."

Buckling Alexis in, Bella handed her the ragged old bear, before closing the door -ignoring Edward's suggestion.

"If you don't like it, you can leave," she said, walking to the driver's side.

Edward didn't even hesitate before he got into the passenger seat, much to Bella's dismay.

The ride was quiet as they made their way. At a red light, Bella glanced into the rear-view mirror, and the sight of something made her do a double take. Then turning around she glanced back through the back glass. Then she looked back at Edward in disgust.

"What?" he asked.

She didn't answer.

Turning, Edward could see the reason behind Bella's anger. A black SUV drove right behind them. Edward knew Bella would recognize it as his security team. He hadn't instructed them to follow him, but he should have known they would nevertheless.

Pulling out his phone, he called Dean again.

"Don't follow," he said, when the line was picked up.

Turning back to Bella, Edward saw that her hands were clenched on the steering wheel, and she was looking straight ahead, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell them to leave?" she said between gritted teeth. Edward passed his hand through his hair in frustration. It seemed that no matter what he did, it only angered her more.

So instead, he turned his attention to Alexis. She still had the bear clutched in her arms, so he started there.

"That's a nice bear you have there. Does he have a name?" he asked.

"Uh-huh. His name is Maisie bear," Alexis said proudly, holding him up for Edward to see better.

"Isn't Maisie a girl's name?" Edward asked, confused.

"Nu-uh. He's a boy, so it's a boy's name."

Edward nodded. "Where did you get him?"

"Mommy bought him for me a long time ago," she said.

"Okay." Then he remembered his failed toy store visit from earlier. "Do you have a favourite character?" he asked.

"Character?" she asked. "What's that?"

"Like a favourite show. What is your favourite show to watch at home?" Edward explained.

"We don't have a Tv at home, but when I go by Auntie Evans, I watch Tv there. I like to watch Backenal."

"What?" Edward asked, turning to Bella.

Bella pronounced the proper name. Edward wasn't familiar with it of course.

Turning back to Alexis he said, "How would you like to go to the toy store and pick out something?"

"Okay!" she answered excitedly.

When Edward looked at Bella, her face was riddled with skepticism. "You know you can't buy her affection right?" she said.

"I wasn't planning to. I just wanted to get her something," Edward said.

The place was empty when Bella pulled into the parking lot at First Beach in La Push. Even though it wasn't raining, the sky was still too overcast to go in the water.

Bella explained to him when he pointed it out, Alexis didn't want to actually go in the water, just be by the seaside.

Alexis didn't even wait for them, before she bounded down the steps that led to the sand, then onto the beach. Edward and Bella trailed behind her. The bear was left in the car.

They were both silent as they walked along the beach behind Alexis, but for Edward it didn't matter. He was glad to just be close to her again. He ached with the desire to reach out and touch her, or at least for her to meet his eyes again. He wanted to see if there was any hope for them, but as they walked Bella kept her eyes focused on Alexis or on the water before them. Her arms were wrapped around her center.

Half way down the beach, Alexis spotted someone up ahead.

"Sam!" she called out, running to the person.

Bella's head snapped up to the sound, and then a small smile crept onto her face. Edward's eyes followed her gaze to see the man who actually made Bella smile. Something he had not been able to do in a long time.

Sam, who was just in the process of throwing the stick in his hand for the dog at his feet to fetch, looked up at the sound of his name being called. When he spotted Alexis, he smiled.

"How have you been?" he said, kneeling down to give Alexis a hug.

"Good," Alexis answered, reaching down to pet the black dog at his feet.

By then Edward and Bella had caught up to them.

Sam caught Edward's eyes, just for a second, before it went to Bella's.

"How have you been Bella?" he asked, giving her a hug as well.

Edward didn't like it. He didn't like the way this Sam person was touching her. To him, their hug lasted much long than it should have. He also didn't like the way Sam was looking at Bella.

As if just remembering Edward there, Bella introduced him. "Sam, this is Edward. Edward, Sam."

"Hey," Sam said to Edward.

"Hey." Edward was glad Sam didn't hold out his hand for the customary handshake, because as much as he wanted to rip Sam's arm out of his socket and beat him with it, he was sure that wouldn't go well with Bella. He didn't like the short introduction that Bella gave him. Shouldn't Sam be informed that he was Alexis's father? But from the way Sam seemed to regard Edward's eyes, it seemed he had already made the connection.

"And this is Quil," Alexis said, taking it upon herself to introduce the dog, because clearly her mother forgot.

"How are things on the Reservation?" Bella asked.

"Same as usual. Some of the local boys have been causing quite a disturbance." He shrugged. Every few seconds, his eyes would dart to Edward's. Edward could see the questions in it. But in the few minutes that he and Bella stood talking, he didn't ask about it.

"Well, I better get going," he said eventually. "I have to stop off at Sue's before they close for the afternoon."

"Okay. Tell Emily I said hi," Bella said.

"I will."

With last goodbyes, he and Quil made their way to the steps that would lead them to the parking lot.

When Sam was out of sight, Bella headed towards a piece of driftwood as Alexis began playing in the sand. As much as he wanted to talk to Bella, Edward decided to use this moment to spend some time with Alexis. Also, he wanted to ask Alexis something. Something that he knew Bella would not approve of.

Sitting in the sand next to her, Edward watched as Alexis began making the foundation for a small sandcastle.

"You're very good with that," he said.

"Thank you. Mommy and I come here sometime so I can build one," she explained. "Sometimes Sam helps me. Quil likes to eat the sand though."

Her explanation served as a good introduction for Edward's next question.

"Do you see Sam a lot?" he asked.

"Not a lot a lot. Sometimes he comes to town, other times we see him here."

"Oh. Does Sam ever come over to your house?" Edward asked, afraid of the answer.

"Yup."

Edward's heart sank.

"I was a flower girl at their wedding," Alexis said.

"Whose wedding?"

"Sam and Emily's," Alexis explained.

"Sam is married?" Edward didn't recall seeing a wedding band on his finger. Then again, he had been so preoccupied with the way Sam was hugging Bella, that he hadn't noticed much else.

"Of course, silly. That's why they have weddings," Alexis said laughing.

Edward mulled over this new revelation. His jealousy had been unwarranted. Sam was already taken. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice Alexis looking at him.

"Were you and mommy married?" she asked.

Edward thought carefully, something he realized he would have to do a lot around Alexis, before he answered.

"Yes, we were." He didn't want to explain that legally they still were.

"Mommy doesn't seem very happy that you're here," she said.

Edward couldn't deny that. "No, she's not."

"Why?"

"Well, you see," he began, but he was stumped. How do you explain to your three year-old daughter the obsession and possessiveness that her mother brought out in him? How do you explain to a three-year-old how you hurt her mother time and time again? How do you explain any of it? To Edward it was simple. You didn't.

"I made a lot of mistakes before. Mistakes that weren't very nice." That was the best way he could explain it.

"Mistakes?" she asked.

"Yes. Have you ever known someone to make a mistake?" he asked.

Alexis thought for a minute. "Last month, Ben pulled off Maisie Bear's leg."

Edward nodded. "How did that make you feel?"

"Sad."

"Well," Edward said," I made some mistakes that made your mom very sad as well. So we decided to go our separate ways." Sad didn't even describe what he'd made Bella feel during the course of their marriage. Too many times he'd reduced Bella to tears by his words or his actions.

"Oh," was all Alexis said. "Well, Ben didn't apologize for what he did, and that made me even more sad; that he didn't say he was sorry."

Edward knew what Alexis was trying to say, but he doubted a simple 'I'm sorry' could ever make up for what he'd done to Bella, and he told Alexis as such.

"But you're here now," Alexis said, as if to clarify.

Edward smiled. "Yes, I'm here now."

"And you're not going anywhere?"

"No, I'm not going anywhere."

Alexis nodded, as if some answer she had, had just been answered.

Looking up, Edward saw that Bella was not looking at them. Instead, her eyes remained focus on one of the small islands out at sea. He was glad for that. He didn't think she would approve of him telling Alexis he wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm going to go talk to your mommy, okay," he told her.

"Okay."

Standing up, Edward dusted off the sand from his pants, then he made his way to Bella. She still didn't look at him as he sat next to her on the driftwood.

"So how long are you going to play out the father card?" Bella asked, finally looking at him. Her voice sounded uninterested, but the intensity in her eyes told another story. She was waiting for him to slip up. So when he answered, Edward was careful to keep his voice neutral.

"I'm not playing anything," he said.

Bella laughed. "You really expect me to believe that? Oh come on, Edward. You can't sprout that crap forever."

"It's not crap, Bella. I am telling you the truth. I want to be a good father to Alexis. I want to help you raise her."

"Help me raise her?" Bella scoffed. "As if I would ever want my daughter to be raised by you. Nothing you could ever do would ever make up for the past."

Her words hurt.

But his determination kept him from slipping into the hopelessness. He was ready to do whatever it took to get her back. He was not in the position to just let her go so easily.

"Well," he finally said. "At least I can try."

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><p><strong>As usual, thanks to everyone who reviewed, story alerted and favourited. <strong>

**If you are still with me, don't forget to share your thoughts by reviewing. I enjoy reading everyone's feedback.  
><strong>

**I'm on Twitter at _XxMementoMorix_ Drop a line if you're there. **

**Special thanks to** **Project Team Beta, BelleDean & tds88 for proof-reading.**


	8. Beautiful Heartbreak

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

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><p><strong>"You love me so much, you want to put me in your pocket. And I should die there smothered."<br>- D.H. Lawrence**

**Chapter 7**

**Beautiful Heartbreak **

She couldn't find fault with him, and she hated it.

Edward stayed with them all day Saturday, and when he left them that night, Bella had fervently hoped it was with the intention of never returning again. But on Sunday morning, much to her dismay, he was knocking at her door again. She'd thought about running that Saturday night, but she knew that Edward would have anticipated her actions and have security camp outside her house. If she wanted to escape, she would have to be careful.

On top of everything else, Edward's arrival had brought another problem that Bella never anticipated.

Alexis.

When Bella pictured Edward finding out he had a daughter, she thought her biggest issue would be with Edward not wanting to be a father. She never anticipated the attachment Alexis would have to Edward. Alexis took to the idea of having a "dad" better than Bella could have ever expected.

When Saturday night came and Edward had to leave, Alexis wouldn't let him go until he promised he would return the next day. Much to Bella's chagrin, he did. The toy store had closed by the time they made it back from La Push, so Edward promised her that after school on Monday, he would make do on his promise to buy her a gift. Bella had held her tongue as that promise was made knowing that if her plan went well, she and Alexis would not be in Forks Monday afternoon.

Sunday night, after spending another day at First Beach, Edward, Bella and Alexis were sitting around the dining area by candlelight. Bella had ordered pizza for dinner, but Alexis was the only one who seemed to be enjoying it. Bella kept picking at the pizza avoiding Edward's gaze while Edward kept trying to catch her eye. Alexis remained indifferent to the tension between her parents as she talked about elephants and purple unicorns.

When Alexis finished eating, Bella finally spoke, telling her to go and pick out her pajamas for the night.

"But there's no light in there," Alexis reminded her.

Bella saw Edward's eyes flash to hers, and a slightly pained expression crossed his face. She knew the reason why. For the past two days Edward had been wanting to say something about Bella's financial situation, but he knew better than to actually bring it up. Even though they'd chosen to be civil to each other around Alexis, Bella's patience with him being around was already running on end.

"Okay, I'll light it," Bella said, glad to finally have a reason to be away from Edward.

Getting a spare candle, Bella lit it using the already lit candle on the table and followed Alexis into her room, then into the bathroom. When Alexis was showered and changed, Bella and Alexis were still in the bathroom, when she heard him.

"Bella!" a voice called from outside. Bella recognized it immediately. She groaned when James's voice, slurred by alcohol, called out to her again.

"Come on, Bella. Come out and play."

She heard Edward ask, "Who is that?"

Ignoring him, she turned to Alexis. "Stay here, okay."

Walking out of the bathroom she passed Edward, who was hovering in the hallway, without a word and went to the front door. Opening it, she was greeted with James's raised hand. He was just in the process of knocking. Stepping outside, she shut the door quietly behind her.

A goofy grin came over his face.

"So, you've finally given in, huh?" he said, reaching out to touch her face. She slapped his hand away. "Oh, come on. Don't be so mean." He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to him.

"Go home, you're drunk," she said. Putting her hands on his chest, she managed to shove him off.

"Why not?" he demanded. He was getting angry. A drunk James was bad, but an angry, drunk James was worse.

"Just one time," he said, grabbing her from behind as she turned to leave. His hand started traveling up her shirt.

"No!" she cried out.

One minute it was just her and James; the next, Edward was there, holding James against the side of the house. His forearm was pressing into James's neck. The rage on Edward's face made him look like an avenging angel. Beautiful, but terrifying.

"Stay the fuck away from her," he told James; his voice was low and deadly.

James tried sending a blow to Edward's head, but the alcohol messed with his coordination, and he missed. Edward just pressed his forearm tighter to his neck.

"Who the fuck are you?" James spat. The pressure against his neck was causing his face to turn blue.

"It doesn't matter who I am. If I ever see you around here, or around Bella again, I will hurt you." To emphasize his point, he pressed his forearm in tighter.

Bella, who had been standing as a voiceless witness to the whole ordeal, grabbed Edward's arm and tried to pull him off.

"Let him go," she told Edward.

Edward looked at her in shock. "He was hurting you!"

"That is none of your business," James spluttered.

The sight of Edward's eyes darting back to him made James flinch.

Removing his arm from James's neck, Edward pushed him towards the stairs. The sudden movement coupled with the alcohol caused James to stumble back and fall off the steps. When he regained his stance, he stared at Edward with deep hatred.

But there wasn't much he could do to hurt Edward, so he turned to Bella instead.

"Well you know what, you're fired!" he yelled at Bella, walking back. "Don't ever come around my store again!"

Turning, he went to his car, that he had parked in front of the house, and drove off.

"Thanks a lot for that," she yelled at Edward. "Now I have no job."

Turning on her heels, she stalked back into the house, slamming the front door as she went. Edward's hand caught it before it could make a sound.

Following her in he yelled, "Wait. You're mad at me because I stopped that man from harming you?"

"Sorry if I don't find this new _chivalrous_ Edward wonderful. Besides, what makes what he did so different from what you did? At least he has the excuse of alcohol," she spat back. "Why won't you just leave? We were doing fine without you!"

Pain like Bella had never seen before flashed across Edward's face. He opened his mouth to respond, but the sound of the bathroom door opening made them both stop.

Alexis poked her head out from inside, the bear gripped in her arms, deep fear in her eyes. Neither of them wanted to have that conversation in front of her so for the time being they were able to put aside their differences, if only for that moment. Edward stayed until Alexis was in bed, and when Bella emerged from Alexis's room, she found him leaning against the opposite wall.

"Is she asleep?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she replied; her earlier anger had vanished. Then taking a deep breath she said, "Thank you for helping me with James."

Edward seemed momentarily stumped by her thanks, but after a few moments, he smiled slightly.

"You're welcome," he replied.

They stood on either side of the hallway, eying each other.

"It doesn't change anything, though," she added, wanting to emphasize that nothing he could ever do could make up for what he had done to her. Nothing would ever make her abort her plan of taking Alexis and running again.

"Bella," he said softly, but Bella raised her hand, halting his words.

"Please, not tonight," she said. She didn't know why she stopped him from talking. All she knew was that she didn't want to hear what he had to say.

He nodded. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then."

Then without another word, he left.

"Mommy!" Bella heard Alexis call from in her room.

Walking in, Bella saw Alexis had woken up.

"Yes?" she asked, walking over to her.

"Is he coming back tomorrow?" she asked, as Bella kneeled beside her bed.

"I don't know," Bella sighed.

She didn't want to get her daughter's hopes up just in case Edward came to his senses and realized he had no business staying in Forks.

"Mommy?" Alexis asked again.

"Yes?"

"Were you really married?" Alexis asked, rubbing the bear's fur again.

"Yes," Bella said.

"Oh. Did you have a princess wedding?" Alexis asked.

Bella laughed slightly. "I guess you could say that. I had a wicked witch at it at least."

"What?" Alexis asked, confused.

"Nothing," Bella said, leaning down to give Alexis one last kiss on her cheek.

Bella didn't want to delve into that memory, so she was glad when Alexis turned over and went back to sleep. Her wedding day was not something she was fond of, and even though it had been four years since that dreadful day, the pain of it was still too raw.

* * *

><p><em>She didn't sleep soundly the night before her wedding, and when security knocked at nine a.m exactly, she'd been awake for several hours. The maid was just in the process of cleaning up the dishes from breakfast. Two guards flanked either side of her as she made her way from the room, to the elevator, then down into the same garage she'd arrived in. Neither of them spoke to her as they escorted her to a waiting SUV. Behind it, Bella saw that there was another SUV with security in it. She couldn't understand the need for all of that. The child locks on the doors had been activated, and security always locked the doors anyway once they got in, so there really was no reason for the extra precautions. <em>

_The window was tinted dark from the outside, but from the inside, Bella could see everything. They rode along a beach for a while, the other SUV trailing right behind, then onto the highway. Eventually, the landscape began to change as the car wound its way through an area covered with trees. Bella could no longer see anything but green out the window. After several minutes the landscape cleared out, and they began an incline up a small hill. Finally, they pulled up in front of a mansion that Bella knew well. It was Edward's house. She didn't have time to take in the scenery, before security ushered her through the doors, where she was met by Esme and a blonde woman, who Bella guessed must be Rosalie. _

_"You must be Bella," Rosalie said, extending her hand out to Bella. _

_Taking her hand, Bella was slightly taken aback at the sight of her. Emmett's girlfriend was beautiful. With her blonde hair and perfect body, she looked like she deserved to be on the cover of a swimsuit catalog, not planning weddings. The only flaw Bella could see was that she had on too much makeup. It covered her arms and neck, making her look slightly pale. Actually, both Rosalie and Esme did. _

_They were both elegantly dressed in flowing light purple dresses. Rosalie's had a slit running up the side, showing off her perfect legs. _

_Bella had met Esme once before, only for a few minutes, when she'd gone to Edward's house during the early days of their relationship. They hadn't talked much then, but something about her had immediately put Bella on edge. _

_"Well, let's get started," Esme said, without greeting Bella. She walked ahead while Bella and Rosalie followed. The room Esme led them to was filled with all types of hair and beauty products. Bella thought they looked more like weapons of torture. As Rosalie was shutting the door, Esme led Bella over to a chair in front of a large mirror and motioned for her to sit. Then taking Bella's chin in between her fingers, she tilted her face up until Bella was looking up at her. "I don't see it. What is it about you that has my son so obsessed?" _

_Letting go of her face, she stepped back as Rosalie handed Bella a robe._

_"Take off your clothes, and put this on. I want to make sure that you don't mess up the makeup later."_

_When Bella emerged wearing the robe, she took the seat in front of the mirror as Rosalie began working on her hair. _

_Esme watched Bella through the mirror as she spoke. "It's odd. You're nothing special. Not even remotely pretty."_

_Bella felt like she'd been slapped. Actually, that was exactly what she wanted to do to Esme at that moment, but she was pretty sure attacking Edward's mother would not end well for her. So all she could do was sit there as her future mother-in-law continued releasing her verbal abuse._

_"I really thought my son would find someone smart. Someone special. Someone beautiful like Rosalie," she said, placing her hands affectionately on Rosalie's shoulders. "Instead he shows up with you, and no matter how many times I try to convince him that you're not good enough, he refuses to let you go. He's making the biggest mistake of his life, tying himself to some low-class tramp like you."_

_Bella's jaw dropped at her words. She couldn't understand how someone she'd only met a few minutes before had formed such a deep hatred of her. Esme had to have known what her son put Bella through those last several weeks, yet here she was talking like Bella was the lucky one. _

_Bella tried to ignore Esme's words, but it was becoming harder and harder. "When I had asked him what you were doing after high school, he told me you were going to some school to study photography. I told my husband 'Ha! Photography? She'll be lying on her back and spreading her legs for a living.' " She laughed at her own joke. _

_"Esme," Rosalie said softly from behind Bella. "It's her wedding day."_

_"So? I'm just saying it as it is."_

_Turning, she walked to the door. Before stepping out, she called out behind her. "Good luck, Rosalie. It's going to take more than makeup to save that."_

_Then she left, shutting the door behind her._

_Bella had to squeeze her eyes tight to stop the tears from falling. _

_"Don't cry," Rosalie whispered._

_Opening her eyes, Bella thought she was saying that to comfort her, but when she looked, Rosalie had mascara in her hand. Rosalie just didn't want her to mess up her work. It was quiet as Rosalie continued to work on Bella, and Bella continued to mull over Esme's words. She hated how much it hurt her. After all, Esme didn't know her. Didn't have the right to say such things to her. But no matter how many times Bella tried to reason it out, she couldn't erase the pain she felt._

_"Okay, are you ready to see your dress?" Rosalie asked, pulling Bella from her thoughts. Rosalie didn't wait for Bella's response. She walked out the door, then returned a few seconds later with a garment covered in a bag. Hanging it on a hook on the wall, she unzipped it, revealing the dress inside. _

_The dress was stunning and surprisingly something Bella would have chosen. It was white and sleeveless, with tiny black stones running along the top area and just below the breast. It was simple, yet beautiful. _

_"Come on, we don't have time to waste," Rosalie said. Taking it down from the hook, she ushered Bella into the bathroom, handing her the dress._

_Bella dressed silently, avoiding the mirrors, as Esme's words continued to have their effect on her. No sooner had she slipped it on Rosalie entered the bathroom and zipped it up behind her. _

_"Perfect fit," she said, standing back and admiring her work. _

_She led Bella back over to the chair again, where she made last minute adjustments to her hair and face. She helped Bella into a pair of white high heels that Bella knew if she wasn't careful would surely injure her. With one last nod, Rosalie turned to leave._

"_Someone will come and get you when it's time to come out," she said before closing the door behind her. When she was sure Rosalie was gone, Bella closed her eyes and squeezed them tight, willing the tears not to fall. Rosalie hadn't applied much makeup on her, choosing to go simple, but one tear could still leave a trail down her face. When squeezing her eyes wasn't working, Bella looked up at the ceiling, willing the tears to remain where they were. It worked. She was able to stop her tears from falling for a little longer, but her eyes were still wet._

"_Ah-hem," a voice said._

_Looking towards the door, Bella saw that she was not alone. She didn't know how long the woman standing by the door had been watching her, but from the way she was casually leaning back against the door she'd just come in, it had to have been a while. Just like Rosalie and Esme, this one wore the same shade of purple dress. But whereas Rosalie's and Esme's dresses flowed to the floor, this one reached to the woman's knees. Her black spiky hair and pallor made her look slightly ill. Whereas Esme and Rosalie's paleness was caused by makeup, hers seemed natural. In her hand she held a bottle of Schnapps. _

"_So you must be Bella," she said, looking her over. Then spotting her wet eyes, she said, "So I'm guessing you've met Esme."_

_Walking over to Bella, she motioned for her to share the seat Bella was on. Bella moved to the edge of the seat, allowing the other woman to take up the other part. _

"_Yes to both of your questions," Bella said, her voice shaking slightly. _

"_I can tell. Well, I'm Alice by the way," she said, holding out the bottle to Bella. Bella shook her head to decline, but Alice said, "You're about to be married into the Cullen family. You better start using alcohol to numb the pain," Alice said. _

_Taking the bottle, Bella took a drink, then handed it back to her. Alice smiled as she took a drink as well. _

"_She's a bitch, huh?" Alice said, handing her the bottle again. They continued like that, swinging it back and forth between them, each taking a drink. _

_Bella nodded at Alice's question. _

"_Well, you better get used to it, because it's going to get a lot worse. I love Jasper and all, but nothing in this world would ever make me marry into his psycho family, and you haven't even met Carlisle yet."_

_Bella hoped Alice wasn't trying to make her feel better, because if so, she was doing a really poor job at it. _

"_You'd think Esme would at least give you a break seeing as she's been where you are," Alice said, staring off into space. Her eyes seemed to glaze over as she spoke. Bella remembered what Edward had told her about Alice. She supposed this was one of the side effects of pill popping. "But nope, the evil hag has it out for you. Odd. I've never spent much time around Esme, and that is part of the reason why."_

_Turning to look at Bella, Alice's eyes were no longer glazed over. "I don't have to be a psychic to see that you are fucked."_

_Alice was really beginning to scare Bella, but if she had to choose between her or Esme as company, Bella would rather have the crazy woman at her side. Gripping the now empty bottle, Alice began rocking slightly back and forth, humming to herself. _

"_Alice," Bella said slowly. "What did you mean when you said Esme was where I am?"_

_At first Bella thought Alice didn't hear her, but then she stopped rocking and looked at her. _

"_You didn't think Edward was born evil did you? Like father, like sons," Alice said. Then she started rocking again._

_Bella now understood the reason for the makeup on Esme's and Rosalie's bodies. It didn't make her feel any sympathy towards Esme, though- it just made her dislike her even more. _

"_Well, I'll leave you to your fucked up future," Alice said, standing._

"_Good luck," she said, walking to the door. "You're going to need it."_

_Then she shut it, leaving Bella alone again. _

"_This is it," Bella said softly to herself as she allowed the tears to fall now without stopping. This would be the day she tied herself to a man who she wasn't even certain loved her, and a family who, if Esme's views were shared amoung them, probably didn't want her. Bella rarely pictured how her wedding day would be, but when she did, it was never like this. Bella thought of her father. She wished he was the one walking her down the aisle._

_The sound of someone knocking pulled her out of her thoughts. _

"_Come in," she said._

_A man with blond hair and dressed elegantly in a black tuxedo entered. Even without introductions, Bella knew this was Carlisle. Bella now understood what Alice had meant when she mentioned him. Carlisle had a dangerous air about him, and his gaze was hard as he looked at Bella. Already Bella was terrified of him. _

_He made no remark on Bella's tears as he held his arm out to her. Bella's hand shook slightly as she took it. He didn't speak as he led her out the door and down a hallway. When they turned the corner at the end, Bella was finally given a view of her wedding. _

_A trail of white flowers started from where Bella and Carlisle stood and went across the floor, out the door, onto the grass, and straight up to where a minister stood waiting. Beside him was a small symphony orchestra. There were a few rows of chairs, but they were arranged in such a way that it didn't make the area look scarce. Each row was adjoined with bows and even more flowers. Bella could see Alice sitting next to Jasper, while Rosalie sat next to Emmett. Bella had met Jasper and Emmett once before this. There were a handful of other guests, all of whom Bella did not know. Edward stood underneath a canopy of lights and white roses. At the sight of him Bella's breath caught. He was beautiful. Even through the tears, she couldn't help but smile slightly. _

_Despite his mother's qualms, Edward seemed so sure of his decision to have her. So sure of his decision to be with her. Whether it was possession as she believed or love as he had said that made him go through all that trouble, she didn't understand. But she did wish then, so desperately, that it was the latter. She wanted him to love her. To truly love her. She wanted his love for her to be genuine, and for his actions to be his only fault. Even if the marriage was forced, and it was just all just a ploy for her to gain his trust then leave, she wanted the love to be real. She wanted him to feel the same way for her, as she did for him, because despite everything he put her through, she did love him. Seeing him standing there, joy on his face at finally being able to marry her, she was reminded of that. _

_But she made the mistake of catching Esme's penetrating gaze. It was only for a moment, but it was all she needed to snap her out of her earlier thoughts. Even if Edward did love her, she knew she couldn't stay. Even if she loved him, what he had done was unforgivable. No amount of love could ever make up for it. _

_The music began playing and the guests stood, as Bella and Carlisle made their way down the aisle. When they reached the end, Edward didn't even look at his father as he took her hand gently in his. _

_As the minister began talking, Bella couldn't hear him over the sound of her heartbeat. She didn't know if she could do it. Despite her thoughts from earlier, she felt like she was in the middle of a nightmare. She barely heard the minister as he spoke to her._

_"Do you, Isabella Marie Swan, take Edward Anthony Cullen, to be your lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, forever and ever?"_

_She couldn't stop the tears that fell. They ran down her cheeks of their own accord. The next two words she would say would seal her fate. It would bind her to a life she didn't want. It would bind her to the person whom she loved, but would never forgive. Would never be happy with. But fate had already delt her a terrible hand, and this was the only way to survive it. _

_Her voice broke as she replied._

_"I do."_

_"And do you Edward Anthony Cullen, take Isabella Marie Swan to be your lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, forever and ever?"_

_Edward watched the tears run down Bella's cheeks. She didn't know if he knew the real reason behind it, or if he was deluding himself into thinking they were tears of joy. Either way, he still replied, 'I do' with certainty and conviction. _

_The minister's voice carried an authority that seemed to ring throughout the area. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."_

* * *

><p>When Monday morning finally arrived, Bella didn't see Edward as she got herself and Alexis ready for school. It wasn't until she was pulling out from in front of her house that he pulled up in his car. For a fleeting moment she considered hitting him with her truck as payback for all he'd done to her, but she knew she would never have the guts to actually do it. Not because it was morally wrong, but because she didn't want Alexis to see that.<p>

He walked up to the driver's side, then waited for her to wind down the glass to speak. "Hey," he said, more to Alexis than to her.

"Hi!" Alexis called back enthusiastically from the back seat.

"What time do you finish class?" he asked Bella. The expression on his face caught Bella off guard. He seemed agitated, and when he looked at her, she could see something brewing in his eyes.

"11:00 a.m, why?"

"I wanted to talk to you privately," he said. "Can I meet you here then?"

"Okay," she lied. They weren't coming back there.

He waved one more time to Alexis, before letting them drive off.

Bella only had five minutes to spare when she arrived at her first class. She had two hours to waste before she put her plan into motion. That would give Edward enough time to not grow suspicious. Unfortunately, that also gave her time to really think of the consequences of what she was about to do.

She knew by running she ran the risk of Edward finding her and Alexis again. He had been patient so far, and she had not yet seen the monster rise out of him, but her flight might be what set him back to his old ways. If she ran, and he found her, the number of things he could do to her and to Alexis terrified her. He hadn't yet spoken of dragging them back to Chicago, but at any moment he could. She would be defenseless if he did. She refused to subject her daughter to the horror that is his family.

Her other option was to stay and run the risk of Edward still dragging them back to Chicago. At least running gave them a chance. She would have to be discrete though. She didn't know for sure if Edward would have security watching the campus, but she went with the assumption that he had.

Looking at the clock on the wall, she saw that she still had an hour before she would leave, so Bella used that time to try to absorb what the lecturer was saying. She hated that after all her hard work, her education would be thrown down the drain. Leaving Forks meant leaving everything behind.

When the clock said 10:00 a.m exactly, she gathered her things and excused herself from the class. Walking quickly, she made her way to the back of the campus building. The building was small and stood in front of the forest dense with trees. The only way out of the building was through the front door, the side emergency exit or the back door. The backdoor was rarely, if ever, used, because the surrounding area was so overgrown and it was impossible to take it to get to the car park. The only pathway led deeper into the woods. Even the door itself was hard to find from the outside unless the person knew where it was.

This was exactly what Bella needed. Going out the front or the side doors, she ran the risk of encountering Edward's security team. They wouldn't watch the back door.

It took a few minutes to push it open enough for her to pass through, and when she did she emerged onto the pathway that would lead deeper into the forest. Before she left, she pushed the door to close it, so anyone who passed wouldn't grow suspicious.

Bella followed the path deeper into the woods, going over fallen trees and logs. She kept going until she caught sight of the road, then being sure to stay covered, she continued until she reached the back of Alexis's school. By the time she had spotted the school, her pants were covered with moss, and she had a scratch along her hand from where she'd fallen.

She now faced the real problem- getting Alexis out of the school without being detected. If Edward's security was watching her school as well, they wouldn't be hidden in plain sight, but they would be watching the front entrance.

Unlike her school, Alexis's only had two exits. The main entrance in the front and the back entrance where the children were taken on brief nature walks. The front entrance wasn't an option so Bella aimed for the back.

Unlike with her school this back entrance didn't have the cover of the trees, so it would be risky to try it. She prayed that they wouldn't look at that back entrance. Making her way to it, Bella knocked, knowing it would be locked. It was several seconds before it was opened. Alexis's startled teacher, Mrs. Evans, answered.

"Miss Swan," she said, confused.

"Hi," Bella said, stepping into the classroom. She knew she needed to be quick. She didn't know how long she still had before Edward was expecting her.

"I came to take Alexis home early," she explained.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, eying the way Bella had arrived. Parents never used the back entrance so that immediately put her on edge.

"No, everything is alright," Bella said, making sure she sounded calm.

Mrs. Evans nodded, then called Alexis over. Bella helped her put on her coat and get her bag, then with a last goodbye, they went out through the back door again.

"Where are we going?" Alexis asked as the door closed behind them.

Bella waited until they were a distance away before she answered. "We are going on a little trip," she said. She hated lying to Alexis, but she didn't want to scare her by telling her they were leaving Forks with the intention of not coming back.

"Is Daddy coming with us?" she asked.

Her words made Bella pause and look down. It was the first time Alexis had ever acknowledged Edward as her father.

"No, it's just us," she said.

"Will he come later?" Alexis asked.

"No."

Alexis looked confused. "But he said he was staying with us."

This was news to Bella. "When did he say that?"

"At the beach."

Bella hadn't heard that conversation. "He can't come with us," Bella said. She wished Alexis would drop that line of conversation. She did, but Alexis then found another reason to worry.

"But what about Maisie?" she asked. "We can't leave him behind."

"It will be okay. I'll get you a new bear," Bella said. There was no way she was going back to the house.

"But we can't leave him!" Alexis said, crying now.

Bella groaned. She'd wanted to make their departure as easy as possible on Alexis.

"Alright, we'll go for him," Bella said to soothe her.

Alexis wiped at her tears and nodded.

Staying covered beneath the trees, they made their way to the house.

Their journey to the house was slow, but eventually they came up to it. As they approached it, another problem presented itself. They were across the street from it, and Bella could see a black SUV parked just down the street from the house. There was no way to get to it without being seen.

Looking back at the house Bella froze, then she pulled Alexis further under the cover of the trees. The house had been vandalized. The front door was hanging by its hinges, and both front windows were broken. Alexis's tricycle lay in a crumbled mess on the front yard. It looked like someone had taken a hammer to it or rolled over it with a car. Across the front of the house, someone had written the words "Not Over" with spray paint.

Bella couldn't understand why anyone would have done that, or even who. It wasn't until she noticed a familiar car parked right down the street that the message on the wall began to make sense.

It was Edward's car.

Bella couldn't believe that Edward had gone so far as to trash her home to gain control over her. It only reinforced her decision to leave. To her, it explained why he was on edge this morning. He was getting ready to wreck her house. Maybe it was his desperate ploy to force her back to Chicago, maybe it was because he didn't want her to have a life outside of him. Either way, she knew she had to leave.

The front door opened, and Edward stepped out, holding Alexis's toy bear in his hand.

"Maisie," Alexis said, but Bella put her hand over Alexis's mouth to stop her from giving away their position.

Bella didn't wait to see if Edward had heard, she pulled Alexis away from the house.

"What about Maisie?" Alexis asked.

"We'll have to come back for him," Bella lied.

That was enough for Alexis, and Bella was glad she didn't question anymore.

They kept walking until they reached town. Making sure the coast was clear, Bella and Alexis ducked into Forks' only auto repair shop. Looking at the clock on the wall, Bella saw that it was 10:55 a.m. She had five minutes to get as far away from Forks as possible. It didn't take long for Bella to see Sam's feet sticking out from underneath one of the cars he was working on.

"Sam," Bella called.

Rolling out from underneath, Sam was surprised to see them standing there.

"Hey, Bella, something wrong?" he asked. He looked behind her, searching for someone.

"No, but I need a huge favour. Can I borrow your car?" she asked. There was no way for them to leave town on foot, so Bella needed a ride. Fast.

"Okay, but can I ask why?" he asked, standing now.

Bella knew she didn't have time to explain anything, not that she was planning on delving into her and Edward's sordid relationship with Sam, so she lied again.

"I have a really good job offer in Oregon, but I need to make it to the interview in time," she said. She hated lying to Sam like that but as usual, she didn't have any other choice.

"Okay, cool," he said. He went over to his workbench and came back with a set of keys. As far as he knew, he was getting his car back eventually. Bella didn't know how she was going to give Sam back his car, but she pushed that out of her mind. She would worry about that later. "Well, you know where it is. Good luck with the job."

"Thank you," Bella said, taking them from him.

The car was easy to spot in the yard. After buckling Alexis into the back seat, she sent a quick wave to Sam, thanking him one more time for the favor.

Every red light they hit, Bella shook with fear that she would see Edward. The clock on the dashboard said it was 11:05 a.m. He would be expecting her. She didn't want to think what he would do when she didn't show up.

As they got further and further away from Forks, Bella still wasn't at ease until they hit the interstate. She breathed a small sigh of relief. But they weren't out of the woods yet and she knew it. They were only prolonging the inevitable.

* * *

><p><strong>Hearty welcome to all my new readers, and thank you to everyone who continues to review regularly. You all are amazing, and I am grateful for each and every one of you. <strong>

**I really hope I don't disappoint, because I'm starting to wonder if I bit off more than I can chew with this story.  
><strong>

**If you have a moment, don't forget to share your thoughts by reviewing. Reviews make me giddy.**

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix**__**

**Special thanks to Project Team Beta, Lyta7 and BelleDuJour for proof-reading**


	9. Hymn for the Missing

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p>"<strong>It is in the nature of the human being to seek a <em>justification<em> for his actions."  
>- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn <strong>

**Chapter 8**

**Hymn for the Missing**

The weekend Edward spent with Bella and Alexis was both the best and worst of his life. Best, because after four years of searching, he finally got to spend time with the woman he loved and their child. Worst, because being that close to her and not being able to touch her, to have her, to tell her how much he loved her, was agonizing. But he couldn't complain, because he knew that it was so much more than he could have asked for, and so much more than he deserved.

After leaving them Sunday night, Edward returned to his hotel. Walking into his suite, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to power it back on. To make sure he wasn't disturbed while he spent time with Bella and Alexis, he made sure to turn it off every time he was with them. As he powered it on, he waited impatiently for it to load up. Even though it had only been a few minutes since he'd left them and security was posted outside their home, Edward still wasn't comfortable leaving them there. Especially after what happened with James. Edward dared not think what might have happened if he hadn't been there to stop James from harming Bella. In a way, he was relieved that James had fired her. It saved him from having to talk her out of leaving such a deplorable job.

When his phone finally loaded up, he saw that he had numerous missed calls and voice messages. A few were from his assistant, but the majority of them were from Esme.

His mother had been calling his phone continuously throughout the weekend. Always leaving voicemails begging him to not let Bella cut her out of Alexis's life, pleading with him to take Alexis away from Bella. Edward had avoided all her calls, preferring to handle Esme later rather than sooner.

He couldn't understand why his mother was so intent on taking Alexis from Bella. He knew that Bella and Esme hadn't gotten along at all while Bella was with him in Chicago, but he never understood why. Taking Alexis from Bella would not only destroy Bella, it would hurt Alexis as well. He'd only spent two days with them, but Edward could already see the incredible bond between mother and daughter. Alexis was Bella's world.

It was strange for Edward to see Bella as a mother. Throughout the time he'd known her, she'd never expressed any desire to have children, and she was never at ease around kids. Bella had never been one to fall at baby's feet and cuddle them like most women did. Jessica and Angela actually use to joke that Bella didn't have a maternal bone in her body. But that was then. Now, as Edward watched her, he could see how easily Bella slipped into the role of "mommy." He knew it could not have been an easy task for her, running away from Chicago without anything to help her, but somehow she'd made it.

After he listened to the last message, Edward threw the phone onto the bed. Walking into the living room, he pulled out a bottle of Jack from the mini-fridge. While pouring himself a glass, he thought more of what he'd wanted to say to Bella that night.

He couldn't deny that it hurt when she'd compared him to James, even going as far as to saying he was worse than the bastard. In a way, Edward knew he was. James hadn't ripped her away from her home. James hadn't abused her like he had.

But despite all of that, Edward still wanted a future with her. Throughout the past two days, he'd wanted to tell her why he was there. He'd wanted to explain to her that despite what she thought, he'd only come to Forks to help her, not hurt her. He could feel the contempt whenever he was around Bella. It rolled off of her in waves. He could almost see the defensive wall that she'd put up. She hid Alexis behind it as well. Edward couldn't blame her for putting it up. After all he'd done to her, she had every right not to trust him. To not want anything to do with him. The accusation in her eyes was another reminder of all he'd done to her. It seemed to ring loud and clear. It screamed at him that he didn't deserve her. That he wasn't worthy of her. But he still couldn't leave them. Not just because living without Bella was an impossibility, but also because he didn't want to be a dead beat dad who had no role in their kid's life.

Picking up the glass and walking to the window, Edward looked out into the night sky. The sky was its usual grey, but for the first time since he'd been there, he could actually see the moon. Tomorrow he had promised to take Alexis to the toy store. He knew she was excited for it. She'd been talking about it all weekend. At the memory of his promise, he thoughts took another turn.

Alexis.

Another reason why he desperately needed to work things out with Bella or at least talk to her. He knew that as much as she hated him, she couldn't deny that Alexis wanted Edward in her life. No matter how hard Bella might try, she would never be able to fully expel Edward from Alexis's life. Not while Alexis was clinging so tightly to him.

Edward still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he and Bella were parents. That somehow during the twisted affair that had been their relationship, they'd created this tiny being. As much as it pained him to remember that his marriage to Bella had only been part of a ploy for her to get away from him, and not based on love as he'd thought, he was glad that at least one good thing came out of it.

When he woke the next day, it was with the firm determination that he would talk to Bella. That somehow they would work it out in such a way that they could both be in Alexis life. Since he'd been there, they'd never really had a chance to talk. They were either yelling at each other, accusing each other, or Alexis was there, preventing them from really saying what they wanted. Today, he wanted them to move forward from that. He needed her to believe him.

Rolling out of bed, Edward picked up his phone from where he'd tossed it on the bed the previous night. He dialled his assistant, Leah's, number.

"Good day, Mr. Cullen," she said when she'd answered. "How may I help you?"

"I need you to contact Jenks and have him do something for me," Edward said.

"Yes, sir. What is it?"

"Jenks is supposed to still have a copy of Bella's records. Have him send it to you, and in it you will see some outstanding fees due in Bella's house and maintenance. I want you to pay them off with my account." He knew Bella would not be happy when she found out, but he hoped that she would see it as a friendly gesture on his part.

"Yes, sir." He heard the scratch of pen against paper as Leah took down what he'd said. "Is there anything else?"

He considered for a moment having Leah set up a separate account for Bella so that he would be able to wire money into it for her. After all, it was now his duty to take care of his daughter financially but doing that would only irritate Bella more. He had to take baby steps with her. Tuning his attention back to Leah, he said, "No, that's it."

"Okay. Several clients have been trying to reach you. I told them you were out of town. Also Esme says she is unable to reach you at all. Would you like me to have her call you now?" Leah asked.

Edward cringed slightly. "No, that's alright. I'll call her later. Just be sure to get onto Jenks."

"Yes, sir."

After hanging up his phone, Edward looked at the clock on the side table. It was almost seven-thirty. He didn't know when Bella and Alexis would leave to go to school, but he wanted to talk to Bella before they did.

Throwing on some clothes and rushing downstairs, Edward drove to Bella's house. Before he bent the corner onto their street, he stopped along side his security team's car.

Dean rolled down the window.

"Any problems?" Edward asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"No, everything is clear. Ethan and Michael are watching the house from the trees.

Edward nodded. "When they leave, don't follow," he told them.

"Are you sure?" Dean asked skeptically. Dean was head of his security in Chicago, and he knew better than anyone the tight leash that Edward had had Bella on when she was with them.

Edward thought for a moment. As much as he hated leaving Bella and Alexis unprotected, he knew having her followed would not go over well with Bella. It was one of the many things she'd hated while she'd been with him in Chicago. Maybe not having her tailed would be a step in the right direction with her.

"Yes. Pick up Ethan and Michael. You all can take off for the day. I'll call you if I need anything."

Dean nodded and then he and the rest of the team drove off.

When Edward pulled up outside their house, Bella and Alexis were already in her truck getting ready to leave. Eyeing the truck, Edward thought of another reason why he wanted to work things out with her. The truck was a death march on wheels. Surely she would let him at least by her a safer car, right? Baby steps, he reminded himself.

As he approached the driver's side, Edward saw Bella's eyes narrow at the sight of him. For a second, he wondered if she was considering hitting him with her truck.

He waited until she rolled down her window to speak, and then after greeting Alexis, he turned to Bella.

"What time do you finish class?" he asked. Looking at her, Edward wanted so badly to reach out and touch her. He had to fight to keep his hands at his side.

"Eleven, why?"

"I wanted to talk to you privately. Can I meet you here then?" For a moment, he was worried she would say no.

"Okay," she said.

He held back a sigh of relief as he waved them off one last time. Edward watched them turn the corner, disappearing from his sight. He was already hating the time he would be away from them.

Edward didn't know what to do with himself while he waited for Bella to return. He considered calling Esme, but he really didn't want to have his mother plead with him to kidnap his daughter. He began to wonder if being with Bella would mean cutting his mother out of his life. After a few more minutes of this train of thought, Edward realised Forks was very low on the entertainment scale, so instead, he went back to his hotel.

Edward spent the next few hours catching up on emails and finally answering business calls. Anything to keep his mind off the future conversation he would have with Bella. He knew it would take a lot of pleading to convince her. Even then, he knew she would never trust him. He just hoped they could compromise somehow. He tried not to think what would happen if Bella said no. The last time she'd told him no, he had her kidnapped and locked in a basement. He'd promised himself that he would never hurt her again, and he had to keep that promise. But the odds were already against him. He had already broken that promise in the past.

* * *

><p><em>Edward could briefly tell that something was bothering Bella, but his joy of having her officially his stopped him from asking her. It wasn't until after the wedding, as they made their way to the reception, that he really paid attention. It was only then that he realised her smile looked forced, and now and again he would see sadness in her eyes. For a brief moment, he feared that she regretted marrying him. He didn't know what he would do if she denied him again. <em>

"_Are you okay?" he asked her, as they made their way to the other side of the house where the reception would be held. He held her tightly around her waist as they walked. By then, most of the other guests had gone ahead of them._

"_Yeah," she said. Despite her small smile, Edward knew something was wrong. _

_Pausing, he wrapped his arms more fully around her waist and pressed his lips to her forehead._

"_You can tell me," he whispered. "Whatever it is."_

_She was about to open her mouth to reply when the sound of someone clearing their throat stopped her. _

"_So you two couldn't wait until the honeymoon?" Alice said as she walked past them, Jasper's hand in hers. She winked at Bella as she passed them. Esme was right behind them- she paused to talk to them. Edward felt Bella's body tense in his arms._

_He looked down at her, confused. He could see fear and sadness reflected in her eyes. He wondered if Alice was the reason for her fear. Before he could voice his question, Esme said, "Congratulations. I hope you both will be very happy."_

"_Thank you," Bella said softly. Edward saw Esme give Bella a calculating look before she continued to the reception. _

_When she was gone, Edward turned to Bella again. "You were saying?" he asked._

"_Nevermind," Bella said, taking his hand in hers. _

_The sound of the band starting again stopped him from saying anything. Whatever it was, he supposed it could wait until later when they were alone. _

_The reception passed smoothly. Edward had to give Rosalie her props. She really did know how to plan a wedding and reception. The reception was held under a large tent on the other side of the house. Small chandeliers hung from bars above them. The same flowers that decorated the wedding and were in Bella's bouquet sat in light purple vases on the table._

_As guests continued to congratulate them, Bella seemed to be a bit more at ease. Edward didn't know if it was because she was growing calmer or because she was becoming a better actress. _

_When it was time for the bride and groom to have their first dance, Edward could feel Bella's reluctance as he pulled her to the middle of the dance floor. He knew why. Bella hated dancing. _

"_I'll fall," she said, looking at the floor as if it was a lava pit. _

"_Don't worry. I'll catch you," he said, smiling at the sheer horror on her face. As they began, she was still reluctant, but after a few minutes of Edward leading, she seemed to grow more confident. Within minutes she was laughing with him. It wasn't until then that Edward realised how much he missed that sound. _

_The rest of the night passed without event, and Edward was glad when they finally entered the waiting SUV that would take them to the airport. He hadn't told Bella where he had planned for their honeymoon, and she'd never asked. _

_As they were driven by security to the airport, Bella was silent as she sat next to Edward. She stared out into the fading sun. _

_Entwining his fingers with hers, he pressed his lips softly to the back of her hand. She smiled at him in response, and this time, it seemed genuine. _

"_I love you," he said. _

_Squeezing his hand slightly, she said, "I love you too."_

_The private plane was already set and waiting for them when they arrived at the airport. Bella seemed slightly anxious as she boarded it with Edward right behind her. When they were seated and the attendant closed the door, Bella's expression turned to panic._

"_What's wrong?" Edward asked, his hand still entwined with hers._

"_I've never flown before," she admitted._

"_Really?" he asked, surprised. _

_She nodded. Brushing his fingers softly across her cheek, he whispered, "It will be okay."_

_He didn't know if he was referring to the plane ride or speaking of the new life they were starting together. Either way, Bella seemed to hear a double meaning in his words. _

_She looked at the floor as she spoke._

"_Promise me something," she whispered. _

_Putting his hand under her chin, he raised her face until she was looking at him. _

"_Anything," Edward swore. He didn't know what she wanted. All he knew was that he wanted her to be happy. _

"_Promise me that you'll never hurt me again."_

"_I promise," he said without hesitation._

_She nodded, seeming to have believed him. The tension in her body went away as they took off. _

_But it hadn't even been a week after that night that Edward had broken his promise. _

* * *

><p>When the clock on the side table said 9:45am, Edward left the room, not wanting to spend any more time over- thinking the situation. It was now or never for him. Time and time again he'd hurt Bella in the past. This time, he was determined to not make the same mistake.<p>

But when he pulled up at her house, he knew something was wrong. Alexis's tricycle lay mangled and broken on the front yard, and the front door was hanging off its hinges. Graffiti covered the walls. Edward knew Bella shouldn't be home yet, but that didn't stop him from running inside just in case she'd returned home early. As he checked each room, signs of destruction was everywhere. Glass and broken furniture littered the floor. When he went into Bella's room, he saw her school books were ripped, and the room was trashed. In Alexis's room, the bed was turned over, and the mattress was ripped. Her bear lay on the floor, slightly covered by pieces of the mattress. Stepping over glass, Edward picked it up. It was in the same condition he'd seen it last. Whoever had trashed the house must have decided the bear was in horrible condition already and saw no need to make it worse.

As Edward walked through the house, he saw that whoever had wrecked it, had done it with a vengeance. It saddened him to see that something Bella had built herself, that was important to her, was torn down by some heartless person. It wasn't until he was surveying the living room, that the pieces started falling together.

James.

He couldn't believe that asshole had gone as far as to wreck Bella's house after what happened the night before. Wasn't firing her enough? Then Edward's thoughts turned fearful.

He pulled out his phone and dialed Dean again. Frantic, he didn't even wait for a greeting before he spoke. "I need you and the rest of the team to drive down to Bella's school to see if she's still there. Call me back as soon as you know." Then he hung up.

The possibility of Bella coming home early and running into James there was great. He needed to make sure that her house was the only thing James had harmed. When his phone rang again, it didn't have time to make it to the second ring before Edward answered it.

"Yes?"

"Her truck is still in the parking lot. We were able to check her class without her knowing, and she is still there," Dean said.

Edward breathed a sigh of relief. She was okay. He knew Bella would be James's main target, and he wouldn't harm Alexis.

"Okay. I need you all to come back to the house," Edward said. He considered having them wait outside Bella's school until she was finished, but he was sure James wouldn't try anything in broad daylight.

After Dean's confirmation that they would, Edward hung up. Walking outside, Edward was still gripping Alexis's bear in his hand. He couldn't understand the appeal that such a ratty toy could have for Alexis, but he knew the bear meant a lot to her so he didn't want to leave it.

When security arrived, he had them search the town for James. There was no way Edward was going to let him get away with what he'd done.

Bella would be returning from school soon, so Edward chose to stay at the house and wait for her. He was still holding the bear in his hand while he waited.

Five minutes after the hour of eleven passed ...

Ten minutes after the hour of eleven passed ...

Thirty, before Edward's worry began to grow.

When it was almost twelve o'clock, and she still hadn't shown, Edward's fear got the better of him. Thoughts of what might have happened to her ran through his head, each one as graphic as the last. Running to his car, Edward didn't even realise that he still had Alexis's bear clutched in his hand. Laying it on the seat next to him, he drove to Bella's school, ignoring all red lights and speed limits as he barreled down Forks highway.

When he pulled up outside her school, he saw that her truck was still in the parking lot. Now he was confused. Bella wouldn't have left her truck there. Did she leave with a friend? He knew that was a possibility, but seeing as she didn't go to the house, he figured she went into town instead.

But after driving through the main parts of town numerous times Edward still wasn't able to find any sign of Bella. During the time of his search, Dean informed them that they hadn't been able to find James. It seemed he had run after he was finished wrecking Bella's house, anticipating Edward would go after him.

As Edward turned onto another road, he spotted Sam coming out of a garage. Pulling over, Edward got out of the car and went to him. Sam spotted him just as Edward was walking towards him.

Edward could see Sam watching his rented Audi with deep interest.

"Hey, Sam," Edward said as he approached.

"Hey," Sam replied uncertainly. "How can I help you?"

"Have you seen Bella today?" Edward asked, making sure to keep his voice calm. He didn't want to alert Sam to the fact that Bella was missing.

"Yeah, I saw her and Alexis about an hour ago. She asked to borrow my car."

Edward froze, and he had to stop himself from grabbing Sam and shaking him down for information. Out of all the possibilities Edward had thought of for Bella being missing, never had he contemplated that she'd ran.

"Did she say where she was going?" he asked.

Now Sam looked at him confused. "Yes. She said she had an interview to get to in Oregon. Didn't she tell you?"

"She might have mentioned it," Edward said, fighting the rage he felt at the realisation of what had happened. "Well, thanks."

Turning, Edward went into his car and drove off. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, fighting the urge to scream. He couldn't believe Bella had run again. Hadn't he proven in the past two days that he didn't want to hurt her? Now, not only had she ran, she'd also taken Alexis with her. His promise of not hurting her was thrown out of the window as he dialed Dean's number.

As soon as Dean picked up, Edward began yelling. "Bella ran again. I don't care what you have to do. I want you to find her and bring her back here. I don't care if you have to drag her back. Call me as soon as you have any sign of her." Slamming the phone shut, he sped off towards the hotel.

After parking his car, Edward unconsciously grabbed Alexis's bear from the passenger seat. Ignoring all the overzealous hotel staff, he stalked to his room. Edward barely had closed the door of his room before he grabbed one of the flower vases off the side table and threw it against the far wall. It shattered on impact, littering the carpet with tiny shards of glass. After throwing the bear onto the bed, he picked up the small table the vase had been sitting on and threw it against the wall, not caring if hotel staff was alerted to the sound or not. The rage and monster inside of him was too large for him to be bothered with petty hotel policies.

He had known there was a possibility that Bella would run when he'd first arrived at Forks. It was why he always had security outside her house. He just thought that he'd proven himself over the weekend that he had changed. There were numerous times throughout the past two days that he could have forced her back to Chicago, but he'd never considered it. Now, he didn't care. He'd given her a chance to work things out, but she didn't want to. At that moment, he didn't care if he had to drag her kicking and screaming back with him. He would not give her another opportunity to run from him again.

The sound of his phone ringing stopped him from grabbing the lamp at the side of his bed. Without checking the caller I.D, Edward picked up his phone in anger.

"What?" he yelled, not caring who it was.

"Edward?" Esme's confused voice came through the phone.

Edward dug his fingers into his temple. He was not ready to deal with his mother.

"I'm busy now," he told her.

"I know," she said. "I just wanted to know how everything was going? How is Alexis? Have you met her yet?"

"Yes, I met her," Edward sighed, his rage momentarily forgotten at the reminder of his daughter. "But only for a moment."

"A moment? Why? What happened?" Esme asked worriedly.

Edward contemplated for a moment whether or not to tell his mother. Figuring she'd find out anyway, he told her the truth.

"Bella took Alexis and ran from Forks this morning," he said.

He did not anticipate Esme's reaction.

"She ran?" Esme asked angrily. "I told you this would happen! Why didn't you just drag them back here?"

"I didn't want to do that. I wanted to work this out with Bella, not dictate her life again."

"Forget Bella. What about Alexis? Why didn't you take her?"

"I can't do that to her," Edward said. Despite his anger towards her, he wouldn't rip mother and daughter away from each other.

"Why not?" Esme argued. "She did to you. Clearly she doesn't even care enough to let you be in Alexis's life. Why should you let her? Please Edward. You have to find her."

"I am trying." He could feel all of his energy being drained the more he talked with his mother.

"And when you find them? What then? Are you going to let Bella still be able to take Alexis and run?" Esme demanded. "Why is it that out of all my daughters-in-law, the one who can have a child is the one that hates me? Take her to court if you have to, Edward. You know if you do she won't stand a chance. You can pull enough strings so you can be given full custody, and you wouldn't even have to raise her."

"What do you mean?"

"I can take care of her if you don't want to."

Edward scoffed. "Yeah, right. Like I'll let Carlisle anywhere near my daughter. Look, I have to go."

Without waiting for a goodbye, he hung up. A few seconds later a beep on his phone alerted him to a new text message. As he suspected, it was from Esme.

"_Don't_ let her take Alexis again. I love you. Call me when you find her."

Edward didn't bother to reply. Talking to Esme had quelled his rage a little, but that just gave room for the hurt he felt to take its place. He thought that they'd been making progress. He thought that he'd proven to her that he had changed, but apparently it hadn't been enough. He didn't know what she wanted from him. Edward took her running as confirmation that his hopes of being with her of her own accord, weren't going to come true. The only way he could ever be with Bella again was to force her to stay with him. But even then he knew that she still wouldn't be with him the way he wanted her to. She would always hate him. Always despise him for what he'd done and what he was planning to do.

But the memory of how much she'd hated him in the past, how much she had despised him for what he'd done to her, was still fresh in his mind. It helped subdue his anger a little bit more. It helped him to think clearly. He didn't want to hurt her again like he'd done in Chicago. He didn't want to look into her eyes and see the pain reflected in them. But he wanted her so badly. Looking at the bear still lying on the bed where he'd thrown it, Edward was reminded of the other victim in this turmoil. It wasn't just Bella that he had to think of. Alexis would be dragged into the confusion as well. Despite her mother's dismay, Alexis still looked at him with happiness. Putting his hands on her mother would change that. It had changed the way he saw his own father. It had made him hate Carlisle from an early age. Would that happen to Alexis? Would she hate him in return? Just the thought of that made his heart ache.

The sound of his phone ringing again pulled him out of his thoughts. This time he did check the caller I.D.

"What is it, Dean?" he asked, glad for the interruption.

"We found them."

* * *

><p><strong><strong>I think I've said this already, but thank you all for the amazing response. I'm officially overwhelmed and forever grateful. Thank you to each and every one of you who have reviewed, story alerted and<strong> favourited. **

**This was a toughy to write. Angryward scares me a bit. Reviews make my day, so if you have a moment, don't forget to share your thoughts. It seems most readers are really torn about Edward. Even I am.  
><strong>

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix where I post status updates on chapters. Also if you find I'm taking too long to update, you can give me a virtual poke to remind me to get to updating.  
><strong>**

**Special thanks to Project Team Beta, BelleDuJour and Lulu M for proof-reading**


	10. Lie to Me

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"Jane! will you hear reason?' (he stooped and approached his lips to my ear) <strong>

**'because, if you won't, I'll try violence."  
><strong>

**- Charlotte Brontë_  
><em>**

**Chapter 9**

**Lie To Me**

As each mile flew by under the tyres, Bella slowly began to wonder if she'd made the right decision. Suddenly, her adrenaline-motivated reasons began to sound flimsy, and the enormity of her actions began to weigh on her. That mixed with the realisation that she and Alexis had nowhere to go, no real destination in sight, terrified her. It was just like when she'd run from Chicago, except this time it was worse. This time she had a three year old with her. One who, despite being conceived by two people who'd had a disturbed relationship, had never experienced anything except love and kindness. Even when Bella's world had taken turns for the worse, she always made sure Alexis was cared for. Now, there was a very real possibility that it could all be ruined.

There was also Edward to worry about. Bella knew that he would not take this lying down. She was back to where she'd been before he'd arrived- with the fear that he could find them again looming over her head. Running could be the spark that set off the fire of Edward's rage. But even the reminder of what could happen wasn't enough to quell the guilt she felt. She began to wonder if taking Alexis had been too drastic of a decision. Her reasoning four years ago was valid. She and Edward were always knocking heads and fists, and she couldn't bring a child into an abusive home. Now, however, she wasn't sure if she could use that excuse.

_H__e could hurt her, _her mind argued, but she wasn't sure. Even though it had only been two days, she could see that he was trying. Trying what, she wasn't sure. Trying to earn her trust? Trying to lead her into false hope? Or trying to do the right thing? What happened to her house disturbed her, and if Edward had slipped back into his old ways, his "trying" was irrelevant.

It was all so confusing, and she wanted to push it out of her mind. What's done was done, and there was no going back. But she couldn't completely get rid of it. Not with the reminder of everything sitting in the backseat.

Alexis had not stopped talking about her promised toy store visit since they'd left Forks. Bella didn't have the heart to tell her that the visit may not happen. She considered explaining to Alexis that they weren't going back to Forks, but the guilt kept her silent. Not only would Alexis be upset that she wasn't getting her present, she would also be devastated that they weren't going back for her bear.

"When we go back, I think I'll get Uniqua instead," Alexis said from the backseat. "What do you think, Mom?"

Bella hadn't really been paying attention to what Alexis had been saying. Now she tuned back in.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said, what do you think about Uniqua as my present?" she explained.

"Is that the purple one?" Bella asked.

"No. The purple one is Austin. Uniqua is the pink one."

"Oh, I see," Bella said, though she really didn't. To her, all those characters looked alike.

"Maybe Daddy will let me get two," Alexis said, as she looked out the window.

Bella cringed at the word. Alexis had been using it a lot since that first time. In a desperate attempt to change the topic, Bella said, "Do you want to play a game?"

"Okay."

"Let's play I-spy," Bella said, calling the first game that came to her mind.

"How do you play?"

"Well," she said, glad that her plan was working, "we'll each chose an object for the other person to guess. Like a car for example. You look at the colour then to give the other person a clue; you have to say, 'I spy something red.' The other person has to look around and try to guess what the object is. Do you understand?"

Alexis nodded. "Can I go first?"

"Okay," Bella said.

Bella watched through the rearview mirror as Alexis looked through the window for an object. There wasn't much to see on Route 12.

"I spy something green," Alexis called.

Bella had to stifle a laugh. They were somewhere close to Snoqualmie National Forest so everything around them was green. It wasn't hard to guess the answer. She decided to still play along.

"Can you give me a hint?"

Alexis laughed. "It's also tall."

"A tree?" Bella asked.

"You got it."

They continued like that for a while, each taking a turn. When that ran out, they counted red cars that passed, then blue and green. Bella was glad for the distraction. Not only for Alexis, but also for herself. "I'm hungry," Alexis called suddenly.

Looking at the dashboard clock, Bella saw it was after five in the evening. They'd been driving for a while, and she wasn't even sure where they were headed. Figuring they both needed a rest, Bella pulled off at the first exit she could find. She continued down a road until she spotted a small cafe and after pulling into the front parkinglot, Bella and Alexis walked in.

The cafe was tiny with only a few occupants, mainly truck drivers: and one bored looking waitress. They chose a seat almost in the back next to a window. After a few minutes, the waitress, dressed in the usual attire of a button up shirt and skirt, walked over with a note pad in her hand.

"Welcome to Cal's Cafe, how may I help you?" she droned, as she handed Bella a menu and placed a kid's menu with crayons in front of Alexis. Looking at the menu, Bella saw that the food wasn't overly expensive, but unlike Alexis, food was the last thing on her mind, so she ordered fries and chicken strips for one.

Alexis ate while Bella weighed her options. While she was delivering Alexis's food, Bella asked the waitress and learned they were close to Spokane, Washington. Bella couldn't believe that after all that driving, they still hadn't left Washington. They did not have a lot of money, so getting a hotel or even a motel was definitely not an option. She wanted to get Alexis somewhere safe where she could sleep for the night. That left either sleeping in the car or finding a women's shelter. Bella couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine at the memory of being in a shelter a few years back. The shelters she'd stayed at weren't horrible; they just weren't something she ever wanted Alexis to be exposed to. Some nights were so much harder than others, when you were constantly surrounded by people who were broken. The memory of women with vicious bruises and cuts all over their bodies and children scared and begging to go home was a memory she would rather leave buried deep within the recesses of her mind. But even if they went to a shelter, what would they do after that? They were still on the run from Edward, and they couldn't live in a shelter forever.

Edward.

Pain gripped Bella at the reminder of him, but not for the reasons she thought. There was so much more Edward could provide for Alexis than she ever could. Time and time again she had to deny her daughter all the things she'd wanted and needed, because she could never afford them. Alexis had been begging to start ballet classes for a long time, but it was too expensive. She couldn't even give Alexis a proper home, or at least one with electricity.

Bella thought of her mother and how much she wished Renee was there to help her. She knew that if her mother had known, she would have helped Bella in every way possible. Throughout the years they'd been in Forks, Bella had felt a sense of loneliness creeping over her when she thought of Renee. Yes, she had Alexis and a few friends, but that still wasn't enough. She wanted her mother. She wanted someone closer to her to help her. She wanted someone on her side. She often felt like she was the only one fighting this. She missed the comfort her own mother could bring to her. She missed having someone else give directions for once, but Bella still couldn't bring herself to involve her mother in the mess that had become her life. No matter how much she missed her.

"Are we going back home tonight?" Alexis asked suddenly. Her green eyes were intent as she looked at Bella. Bella thought about her answer before she answered. She knew she would have to come clean eventually.

"Not tonight," Bella said quietly, bracing herself for the tears she knew would come.

Alexis seemed to freeze for a moment before she started. "But...but...what about Maisie?" Alexis blubbered, tears accumulating in her eyes. "You said we were going back for him."

"I know, but we can't. I'll get you a new bear," Bella said, desperately trying to calm the situation. The waitress was looking at them curiously.

"But I don't want another bear, I want Maisie," she cried, shaking her head. "Why can't we just go home?"

"We just can't," was all Bella could say.

Alexis pouted as she picked at what was left of her meal, tears still running down her face. Then looking up she asked, "Did we have to leave because of Daddy?"

Bella opened her mouth to respond, but no sound would come out so she closed it. Looking at Alexis, Bella wondered if now was the time to tell her what had happened between her and Edward. She knew she could never tell her the full story, but she wondered if she should at least explain to Alexis that her father had hurt her mother in the past. Maybe it would stop her from asking for Edward all the time. But Bella couldn't bring herself to do it. Alexis was still at the age where she saw everything as good. She believed in fairies and princesses. The only bad she knew of was what was portrayed in movies. She didn't know that evil existed in the most unlikely of places; even in family members. Even though explaining to Alexis would make it easier for her, Bella couldn't do that to her. She didn't want to break her childhood belief of all things good. To tell Alexis what her father was really like, or had been like, would crush her. Alexis saw Edward as good, and Bella didn't think she was malicious enough to change that. Not without proper justification at least.

"Why don't you finish eat so we can head out?" Bella said, completely changing the subject. Alexis continued pouting, but she didn't argue.

When they finally got on the road again, the drive was quiet. Looking through the rearview mirror, Bella saw that Alexis was quietly staring out the window. There were tear trail marks down her cheeks, and every now and again, she would hiccup. The guilt felt a little bit heavier.

Looking out the window, Bella scanned the area for something to cheer her up. She spotted what looked like a small ranch with different colour horses grazing in a field.

"Look, Lexie, horses," Bella said, relieved for the distraction.

Alexis's head turned immediately to look out the window. When she spotted the animals, her eyes lit up.

"Oh! Can we stop? Please, Mommy?" she begged.

She didn't have to beg twice before Bella pulled off to the side of the road so they could take a look.

"I like the white one," Alexis said, as Bella unbuckled her. "But I don't want to go too close."

They walked over to the fence, then Bella held Alexis up so she could see better. Bella disliked animals and the smells they came with, so she had to fight to stop from gagging.

A sign on the ranch door said the owners were allowing rides on the horses for a small fee.

"Would you like to take a ride?" Bella asked. Alexis shook her head immediately. "Why? Don't you like horses?"

Alexis thought for a moment. "I do. But they're so much bigger than me. They could hurt me."

"I'll stay close to you so they don't. Would you like to try?" Bella asked.

Alexis shook her head again, so Bella let it drop. They stood watching the horses graze for a while and just for that moment; Bella was able to put the turmoil in her life out of her mind but only for that moment.

* * *

><p>"<em>The Bahamas?" Bella asked in disbelief as she spotted the national flag. Even though she'd never ventured outside of the United States, Bella had always dreamed of travelling the world, so she recognized the flag right away. It was on her list of places she wanted to visit. <em>

"_Welcome to the Bahamas," Edward said laughing slightly as he pressed his lips to her hair. Looking around, Bella knew they were definitely not on any of the main islands. Except for three houses Bella had been able to spot from the air, this island was relatively deserted._

"_Why did you choose here?" she asked curiously. They were standing on the runway after just stepping off of the plane. Security was busy taking the luggage off._

"_I knew you'd always wanted to come, so I pulled some strings and asked for a particular graduation gift from Carlisle."_

_Her face must have been riddled with confusion, because Edward was quick to rectify what he thought was the problem._

"_If you want we could go somewhere else, maybe France or Italy? Anywhere you want."_

_Bella couldn't help but laugh."No, it's not that. To think I thought my graduation present was amazing."_

"_What did you get?" Edward asked curiously._

"_A car," Bella said, shrugging._

"_Well, this is your gift as well. The island is ours," Edward said, leading her away from the plane. Bella noticed that for once, security did not follow them._

_Even though she had always wanted to visit the Bahamas, for some reason being there brought a sense of sadness to her._

"_Are you okay?" Edward asked, seeing the distress on her face._

"_Yeah, it's just, this reminds me of Florida and it makes me miss my mom a bit," she admitted. She didn't know if admitting it was good or detrimental but either way, she wanted to bare her soul, especially after all that had happened with Esme. Even though they were thousands of miles away, her mother-in-law's words still stung._

"_It will be okay," Edward said softly, pausing to caress her cheek._

"_I know." She smiled reassuringly. _

_Hand in hand they walked to one of the few houses on the island. As they approached, Bella saw that it wasn't so much a house, as a restaurant with an outdoor eating area. A man stood behind a counter wiping a glass. A woman stood next to him listening to music on a small radio._

"_Good evening Mr. Cullen," he said to Edward and then he turned to Bella, "Mrs. Cullen."_

_Bella was slightly taken aback by the name. It was odd hearing her referred to as 'Mrs. Cullen.'_

"_Good evening," Edward replied._

"_Table for two?" the man asked._

_Edward nodded and led Bella over to one of the small tables to sit. When they were seated, the woman came over and took their orders. After they were left alone, Edward turned to her and asked,_"_How are you feeling?" _

_Bella thought for a moment before she answered. The day had really been something. Between everything that happened before, during and after the wedding, Bella was having a hard time sorting it all out. She also had a hard time sorting out how she felt about it all._

"_It's been quite a day," she told Edward._

"_But good?" he asked. His tone sounded worried._

_She wasn't sure if good was really how she'd describe it, but she had to remember she was walking on thin ice with Edward, so she nodded her head in agreement._

_Dinner was filled with all sorts of dishes and delicacies that neither Bella nor Edward had ever tasted. They each teased and dared the other to try the meals first. By the end, both were laughing, and Bella was really enjoying herself._

"_Care for one last spin for the night?" Edward asked after they'd finished. He held out his hand to her and motioned for the waitress to turn up the music on the radio._

"_Sure, why not," Bella said. In one day she'd already done so much more than she thought she ever would._

_Edward pulled Bella close into his arms and pressed his lips gently to her hair. Never in a million years had Bella thought she would be married at eighteen and be with her husband in the Bahamas. Above all, she never thought she'd actually feel something for Edward again. She didn't want that moment to end, but it was getting late. So with final goodbyes, they left._

_On their way, they paused for a moment to take off their shoes so they could walk easier on the sand. It was soft under Bella's feet. The sound of the ocean and the salty smell of the air surrounded them as they walked hand in hand towards one of the houses Bella had spotted from the air._

_They walked up a small incline, then, when the ground leveled off, Bella was given her first proper view of the house. The sight caused her to pause._

_Tucked neatly close to a dock with scattered palm trees behind it, the house looked like something right out of one of her travel magazines. With its two-story architecture and large glass windows, the white house was stunning. One side of the porch led to the docks, the other to the beach. The porch lights were on, indicating someone had prepared for their arrival._

"_What do you think?" Edward asked, allowing her a moment to take in the spectacle before her._

"_It's beautiful," she breathed._

"_You really like it?" Edward asked. He looked relieved._

"_I do," Bella said, unable to contain the smile on her face._

"_Well, let's take a look around," Edward said, leading her up onto the porch._

_The door was unlocked. When they stepped inside, Edward flicked on a light on the wall. From their spot, Bella could see a large fully furnished living room and dining area. The large glass windows she'd seen from the outside were even more amazing from the inside, as it gave a full view of the ocean. Edward led her on a tour of the house as he told her about the activities they could do on the island. Even though he never spoke of the security precautions, Bella was almost certain there were. Even if she were to run now, she wouldn't get far._

_Edward left her to get ready for bed in the master bedroom, while he used the guest room. Bella appreciated his gesture. She was still getting used to the whole idea of having a husband. Standing under the shower in the bathroom, Bella thought more of what tonight meant._

_She was still confused regarding her feelings for Edward. One minute, she hated him for all he'd done to her, but the next, she loved him with a depth that was able to look past all he'd done. She remembered when she'd first fallen for him and how incredible he was. He made her feel safe. He made her happy. Then the other side of him had to rise up and crush the gentle Edward she'd known. But that was then. The more time she spent with Edward alone, the more she was reminded of how much she loved him. The Edward that was with her on the island was not the same Edward who'd abused her in Florida. She wondered if that Edward was buried now that he'd gotten what he wanted. Maybe showing him just how much she loved him could make this Edward stay with her. Maybe then, monster Edward would disappear forever._

_Now__, she was sure. She wanted to take her relationship with him to the next level. She wanted to really feel him, in a way no other person ever had. She wanted him to know she loved him. Shutting off the water, Bella dried herself off and brushed her teeth. With a towel wrapped around her, she stepped out into the bedroom. Edward still hadn't returned. She rummaged through the suitcase he'd pointed out as hers. She grumbled as she was met with all sorts of lace and strings. Clearly, whoever had packed her suitcase did not get the memo of who Bella was. After searching from top to bottom, she gave up with a defeated sigh._

_Walking to the window in the bedroom, Bella stood with the towel wrapped around her, taking in the scene before her. The moon was bright enough that she was able to separate sand from sea. Taking a deep breath, Bella tried to guess what the future held for her. She couldn't even begin to guess._

_She didn't notice Edward's arrival until his arms wrapped around her waist. He was dressed in just a pair of sleep pants. His skin was soft and his hair still damp._

"_What are you thinking about?" he asked, pressing his lips to just beneath her ear._

"_Everything," she answered truthfully. The feel of his lips against her skin made her eyes close._

"_Why do you have on a towel? Didn't you find proper clothes?" he asked, resting his hands on hers._

"_I tried but was met with thongs and pink, I figured I'd look away before it rose up and ate me."_

_He chuckled in response. He turned her until she was facing him. His hands still held hers where she held the towel. "I will love you forever," he swore._

_As much as she wanted to, she didn't know if she should fully believe his words. She knew how she felt, but after all that had happened she still wasn't sure how he felt._

"_I love you, too," she whispered and then she let the towel drop._

_She spoke with honesty when she told him she loved him; she wondered if he did when he told her the same thing._

_His hands were gentle as he held her face in his hands. What started out as a gentle kiss, quickly turned into one of passion as Bella's body molded to his. Her hand seemed to move of its own accord as it tugged at his pants. Within minutes, they were both lying naked beneath the covers. Having his body pressed against hers was a feeling she never wanted to forget._

"_We don't have to if you don't want to," Edward whispered against her lips._

_Bella could see the truth in his eyes. Even though he'd forced her to marry him, he would never force her to do something like this._

_She could have said no, and the rational part of her mind said she should, but she didn't want to. She'd always dreamed of her first time being with Edward, but that was before everything had turned her world upside down. The rational part of her brain screamed that it was wrong to want someone like him. But Bella had never been a rational person._

"_I want you," she whispered._

_She never could have predicted just how much more her world could spin out of control. She couldn't have known that night would create a person that would bind them together for the rest of their lives. She couldn't have known that night was one of the last few good nights she would ever have again with Edward._

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><p>Pulling up in the parking lot behind the shelter, Bella shut off the engine but didn't make a move to get out of the car. It was almost midnight, and Alexis had long since fallen asleep on the backseat. The area was quiet, still and deserted. The only light came from a lamp overhead. The shelter was still open, and even though it offered some sort of security, Bella couldn't help but look at it with contempt. How had life landed her back here? With one last deep breath, she exited the car.<p>

Opening the rear door to get Alexis, Bella's back was to the road, so she didn't see someone coming up behind her until the person was just inches away.

"I missed you," the voice whispered. The air seemed to chill slightly, and her eyes widened in fear. She turned just as James pressed his back to the rear door, effectively closing it. Alexis was still fast asleep.

"What are you doing here?" Bella demanded. Her voice shook slightly, and she willed it to stay straight. James was like a wild animal. He sensed fear and fed off of it.

"Like I said, I missed you. I passed by your house earlier today, but you weren't there. Did you like the message I left?" James asked as his eyes roamed over her body. The way he was looking at her made her feel dirty. She regretted not coming to the shelter during daylight. No one would hear her if she called for help.

"You did that to my house?" she asked in disbelief. That meant Edward hadn't done it. The last excuse she had to reinforce her decision to keep Alexis away from Edward had gone up in smoke. If something happened to Alexis, it would be her fault. The guilt seemed to press hard on her lungs, and she couldn't even say anything as James wrapped his arms around her. Pressing his lips to her ear, he whispered, "It was the only way to get my message across. Now seeing as you left Forks, I'm guessing you left the asshole that was with you last night. Does that mean you finally give in?"

For a moment her body was frozen, but at the reminder of Edward, she pulled herself away from him.

"How the hell did you find me?" she asked, trying to distract him. Maybe if she kept him talking long enough, someone would come outside and help her.

"I followed you, of course. I was parked up just outside of Elma when I saw you pass by. You looked upset, so I figured you might need some cheering up," he said suggestively. When he reached out to grab her hand, she pulled away.

That only angered him. Grabbing her arms, he yanked her until she was in front of the car. She tried to fight him off, and yell for help, but he put one hand over her mouth. His other hand held her wrists together. Holding her so her back was to his front, he pressed his lips to her neck and said, "The boy toy is not here to help you this time, so you might want to reconsider pissing me off." Taking his hand off her mouth, he rested it on her stomach under her shirt. His voice took on a seductive tone. "Are you ready to give into me? Or do I have to use the brat in the car as an incentive?"

Bella shook her head pleadingly, tears rolling down her face. She now wished she'd stayed with Edward. She feared, not for herself, but for the little girl on the backseat. All the ways James could hurt Alexis ran through her mind, and now, she wished Edward was there. Edward at least hadn't threatened to harm Alexis.

"Don't hurt her," she pleaded. Not even the fear of what Edward could do to her compared to her fear of what James could do to Alexis.

James smiled a sick, twisted smile that made her stomach lurch. He removed his hand from under her shirt and held both her hands behind her back. Fear and hate gripped Bella as she realised what he was about to do and the realisation that she would have to do it if she wanted to keep her daughter safe. Then another voice filled the night.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Edward said. Looking at him, Bella saw that his face matched his voice- cold and hard. The chill that came with James's arrival was nothing compared to Edward's. Standing close to the back door of the car, Edward looked like an avenging angel. The anger on his face seemed to demand violence and blood. Three of his guards stood on either side of him. A few yards from them was a black SUV.

Bella couldn't help the relief she felt at the sight of him.

"Alexis," she whispered breathlessly. Looking through the back window, Edward spotted his daughter.

"Dean, take her," he said, as he opened the door. Dean lifted Alexis, still sleeping, from the backseat and carried her to the SUV.

When Alexis was safely in the van, Edward turned back to the scene. "Leave now," he said. His voice was cold, but there was fire in his eyes.

James just gave him a smug grin. Pulling Bella more tightly against him, he said, "Why don't you leave?" Then his hand returned to under Bella's shirt and began travelling up.

That sent Edward over the edge.

"Grab him," Edward told the guards next to him.

James threw Bella away from his body, and Edward caught her before she could hit the ground. James spun around to run, but he didn't get very far before security grabbed him and pinned him against the hard ground. He cried out as his face hit the concrete.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, as he steadied her. Bella's body was shaking at the close call she'd just had. That mixed with the realisation that if Edward hadn't been there, it would have ended worse, terrified her. Edward had to keep a hold on her arms to stop her from tipping over.

"I'm fine," Bella said. Her voice shook, and for once, she didn't try to mask it behind false bravery.

"Get rid of him," Edward told his guards, who still had James pressed against the ground. Bella saw that he was covered in blood from where his head had hit the concrete. She didn't fight as Edward led her to the SUV. Just like before, she knew she had nowhere to go.

"Sam's car," Bella said, pointing to the other vehicle. She kept her eyes away from where Edward's security team was dragging a kicking and screaming James away.

"They'll bring it," Edward said. "I just need to get you and Alexis out of here."

When they reached the van they found Alexis still asleep in Dean's arms. Dean handed her over to Bella right away and exited the van, leaving Edward, Bella and Alexis alone in the back. He then got into the front, and they drove off.

Even though Bella had Alexis safe in her arms, she still shook with fear. She had to fight to keep the tears from falling. She felt like a failure as a parent. Knowing that James could have harmed Alexis, and there wasn't anything she could do about it, hit her hard. Her earlier thoughts of how much more Edward could provide for Alexis ran through her mind.

She didn't notice Edward still watching her. Even though there was enough room in the van, he sat close enough to her that he was almost touching her. His expression was much calmer compared to earlier when he'd faced off against James.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

Bella nodded, but they both knew it was a lie. Looking out the window, Bella saw that they were driving deeper into Spokane.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"To a hotel. I figured you'd want to lay her down," he said. Then looking deep into her eyes, he added, "And we need to talk."

"Yes, we do," Bella replied. She knew what she had to do. Just like before with James, she knew she had to sacrifice her well-being to better protect her daughter. What had almost happened with James hit her hard, and she was prepared to do everything it took to make sure that never happened again.

Bella didn't speak again to Edward, as they made their way to the hotel. She didn't even protest when Edward got them one room, or when he put his hand on the small of her back as he led them up to the room.

When Bella stepped inside the suite, she was reminded of the time when she'd been taken from the basement to a hotel room just like this. It was even laid out the same.

When the door closed behind them, Edward opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him.

"Let me put her down first," she said, indicating to the still sleeping child in her arms.

Edward nodded.

Bella carried Alexis to the bedroom and laid her down on the king sized bed. She pulled off Alexis's shoes and coat so she'd be comfortable. Before leaving the room, Bella pressed her lips gently to Alexis's forehead. Then she left her to her undisturbed dreams, hoping the entire time that the sounds that would come from the other room would not wake her up.

Edward was sitting on the couch facing away from her when she walked in. Taking a seat next to him, she braced herself for what she knew would come.

Bella thought he looked oddly tired. His hair, which usually looked unkempt, looked even more in a state of disarray. When he looked at her, he himself looked defeated. "Bella-," but she stopped him.

"Please don't," she said. Then taking a deep breath, she took the plunge. "I give in."

Edward looked at her, confused. "What?"

She looked at the floor as she spoke. "I don't want to fight you anymore on this. I give in," she repeated, and it was true. After almost four years, she was ready to throw in the towel and admit defeat. She was ready to admit he was right when he'd said that he always got what he wanted. "I see now that no matter where I go you'll always find me, and I can't keep ripping Alexis away from her home. If you want to drag me back to Chicago, I won't fight you. Also..." she paused.

"Also?" Edward asked, prompting her to continue.

Looking up into his eyes, Bella said, "Also, you can give her more than I can. I'll take the abuse, and whatever else you throw at me. I won't run, but you have to promise me something."

Edward waited for her to continue.

"Promise me you won't hurt her, and you won't hurt me in front of her. I don't want that embedded in her mind."

"You'd do that?" he asked in disbelief.

Bella nodded. "I would do it for her."

Picking up his hand, she entwined his fingers with hers. She leaned into him and pressed her lips to his neck. Edward wrapped his arms around her and held her to him.

He stroked her hair as he said, "But I don't want that."

Bella froze and then she pulled away from him in anger. "Then what do you want from me, Edward? I give in. I'm waving the white flag. Do you want to draw out my torture? Is that it? Do you like to play cat and mouse?"

"No, that's not it," Edward said.

"Then what?" she demanded. She didn't want to fight anymore, but it seemed he did.

"Bella," he said, kneeling in front of her. "I want to prove to you that I've changed. That's what I've been trying to show you over the weekend. But it doesn't seem to have been enough"

For some reason, his words ignited the fire in her, and she exploded.

"Enough?" Bella yelled, standing now. "Did you really think two days would make up for the months of hell you put me through? I lost everything because of you!" A small sense of deja vu came across her as she remembered three times before that night when she'd yelled similar things to Edward. Both had ended with her covered in bruises, but just like then, her anger got the best of her, and she yelled what she felt, regardless of the consequences.

This time, instead of anger, sadness and regret covered Edward's features, but she didn't let that stop her.

"I haven't seen my mother in four years, Edward! Four fucking years!" she screamed. All the anger and pain from the last several years had been bottling up inside of her. Now she was ready to release it. "I don't even know if she's alive! I lost my friends, my future. Do you think at eighteen I wanted to be married? That I wanted to be pregnant? You have no idea what I've been through since you ripped me from my home. Two days will never make up for that. No amount of time would ever make up for that."

Her breathing was heavy as she looked at him, bracing herself for the anger she was so used to seeing. But it didn't come. He remained motionless on the floor, still kneeling before her.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice breaking as he whispered the words. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I know that 'I'm sorry' would never make up for what I did to you, but please, I will do anything to make it up to you; anything to get you back. Just tell me what you want from me and I'll do it. I want there to be a you and me."

He reached forward and took her hands in his. His touch was so gentle. She'd forgotten that he could be gentle. Bella's heart squeezed at his words, and despite her anger, she had to fight to keep her heart in check. Now wasn't the time to let emotions overrule her judgement.

"There will never be a you and me, Edward," she said, kneeling in front of him and pulling her hand from his. When he looked at her, there were tears in his eyes.

"Bella," he whispered. "I can't let you both go. Please, give me chance. I'll do anything. Tell me what you want."

Bella shook her head. "It's not about what I want. It's what Alexis wants and what's best for her. As much as I hate it, she wants you."

He reached out to take her hand again, but she pulled it away and continued. "But I don't know if you in her life is what's best for her."

Edward nodded. "I want to be there for her, too. I'll do whatever you want me to. Anything to prove to you that I've changed. That I'm not the monster I was before," he said.

"Anything?" she asked.

He nodded. "Anything."

She couldn't help but wonder if that was even possible. Could someone like Edward really change? Bella couldn't deny the determination in his eyes. She thought for a moment. If this went wrong, it would end badly. Not just for her but for Alexis as well. But it would hurt Alexis also, if she never saw her father again. Alexis held onto Edward with a tight grip. Bella weighed her options carefully, before she made a decision.

"Okay, I'll let you be a part of Alexis's life under three conditions. First, you have to go to therapy." Edward opened his mouth to protest, but Bella raised her hand, halting his words. "You need help, Edward. You have serious problems. Problems that are probably why you did what you did."

He couldn't argue with her on that. "I'll do it. Second?" he asked.

"Second, you can't be alone with her. Ever. I have to always be there." He nodded in agreement to that.

"Third?"

"Third," Bella braced herself for this one, fearing his reaction. She knew it had to be said. "You have to cut off all ties with your family. That includes your mother."

He didn't respond to her request. He just stared at her, with unsure eyes.

"You have to choose Edward. Your mother or your daughter."

He didn't even hesitate as he responded, "I choose both of you."

Bella's didn't respond to him adding her to the equation, but she nodded her head at his acceptance.

"Okay, but I ask for three in return," he said. "First, you have to promise me that you won't take her and run again." He paused, waiting for her to protest, but when she didn't he continued. "Second, you can't tell her what happened between the two of us."

Now Bella was confused. "Why?"

"I know what happened between us was bad, but I don't want Alexis to ever be afraid of me," Edward explained.

Bella couldn't deny his reasoning.

"Do we have a deal?" he asked.

"But that was two."

Edward smiled slightly, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'll come up with something else later."

They were silent for a moment, and then when Edward spoke again, Bella could hear the hope, see the desperation in his eyes and voice. "Do you think you'll ever trust me again?"

She didn't trust her voice, so she shook her head instead. She wasn't going to fall for that again. If he wanted to be in Alexis's life, she would give him a chance, but she swore she would never let her feelings for him blind her to the truth. She'd made that mistake in the past and paid for it time and time again.

For that moment, she allowed herself to hope, but she wasn't naive enough to believe. It was one step forward, but with the way life was always dishing out more problems, she was already bracing herself for the three steps back.

* * *

><p><strong>Are you ready for the three steps back? <strong>I really appreciate all of your feedback so if you have a moment, don't forget to review.<strong>  
><strong>

**No chapter is complete without me giving my usual thanks so thank you for your kind words, and a hearty welcome to all my new readers.  
><strong>

******Also, thank you to my twitter friend A is for Angel for all the recs and for being such a sweet person. ****  
><strong>

******You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix******

****Special thanks to Project Team Beta, Twilightmom505 and ****BelleDuJour**** for proof-reading****


	11. Seize the Day

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"Terror made me cruel . . ."<strong>

**- Emily Brontë**

**Chapter 10**  
><strong>Seize the Day<strong>

The night was quiet as Edward lay on the couch replaying the events of that night over and over in his mind. Bella had retired to bed a few hours before, and whilst they had at least taken some steps forward, he could still feel her uncertainty as they'd made their compromise.

Even though he knew Bella and Alexis were only a few feet away in the master suite, Edward couldn't help the agitation he felt at them being out of his sight. Sleep evaded him as he stared out the opposite window. After a few more minutes of distressed sighing, Edward stood up and walked quietly to the bedroom. He'd made this trek several times already for the night. It was just reassurance he needed. Despite having Bella's word, Edward still felt that if he looked away for too long, they would disappear from his sight again.

Turning the doorknob carefully and quietly, Edward pushed it open just enough for him to see the two sleeping forms on the bed. Alexis had not woken up at all since they'd arrived, and from his earlier visits, he already knew Bella was asleep.

Pressing his head against the doorjamb, Edward couldn't help the small smile that crept onto his face at the sight of them. It hadn't been hard for security to track them down. Once they had Sam's license plate, Dean called in a favour to the local police around Washington, being sure to emphasize that he just wanted to know where the car was. A cop just outside of Morton had seen the car pass by. When Dean had told him he'd found them, Edward's only thoughts were to get to them and ensure that Bella would never leave him again, but at some point during the nine hour drive from Forks to Spokane, he was able to calm down and talk himself out of his anger. His justifications weren't enough for him anymore. His earlier thoughts of how much Alexis would hate him if he put his hands on her mother, were enough for him to never want to be that kind of man again. The memory of how much Bella had hated him while they were in Chicago was enough to quell his rage.

But what had really pushed him over the edge was the sight of Bella at the hands of James. Edward hadn't even considered the possibility of James finding them. He had never even contemplated it. Whilst even in his worst days Edward had never gone as far as to sexually assault Bella, her earlier words of how he was no better than James came back to him, and in the few seconds before he was able to reach them and intercede, the sight had been enough. Seeing her helpless and unable to fight off her attacker gave him an outside perspective of how he had been with her. Never again did he want to be like that. Never again did he want to be worse than James.

Focusing again on them, Edward noticed that Bella's grip around Alexis was tight. Even in her subconscious, she was aware that someone wanted to take her daughter away from her. Whilst the thought of doing that had never occurred to Edward, the sound of his phone vibrating in his pocket reminded him of the one person who did. Before walking back into the hall, he closed the door softly behind him. Edward didn't even have to check the caller I.D to know who it was. The name flashed nevertheless.

Esme.

She had been calling incessantly throughout the day. At the sight of her name, Edward was reminded of Bella's three conditions. Whilst the first two were manageable, the third one would not be. Cutting ties with his father and brothers? That was no problem. Edward hadn't spoken to them much during the course of the last few years. Esme was where the challenge lay. Especially seeing how she was so insistent on seeing Alexis. Telling Esme that he wanted to cut ties with her, for Bella, would shatter her.

Between him and his brothers, Edward was the only one who held onto the hope that Esme would take up his offer to come and stay with him. Whatever be their reasons, Emmett and Jasper had pulled away from their parents already. Emmett and Rosalie had moved away from Chicago two years ago, and the same went for Jasper and Alice. So that just left him and Esme. If he pulled away from her, she'd break. But it was between her or Bella and Alexis. Whilst it had been easy to agree to Bella's conditions before, he wasn't sure if he could follow through. Also, Esme's reaction was something Edward had to be mindful of. He knew Esme would not take the news of being cut out of Alexis's life easy. What she would do to ensure that never happen worried Edward.

Walking back into the livingroom, Edward put his phone on the coffee table in front of him and collapsed onto the couch again. As of late, he'd been feeling drained physically, mentally, and emotionally. It wasn't hard to guess the reason why.

Edward was awoken by bright early morning sun, coming through the window infront of him, the next morning. Turning over so that his back was to the too bright light, it was several moments before the memory of everything that had happened the day before came rushing back to him, and he sat up in alarm.

Grabbing his phone from the coffee table, Edward quickly checked the time. It was almost nine. The suite was quiet. Too quiet. _Wouldn't they be up by now?_

Edward jumped up in a panic and darted to the bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and from where he stood, Edward could see them through the slight crack. They were awake and still lying on the bed. He breathed a small sigh of relief. Alexis was singing a song, and every few seconds Bella would reach out and tickle her, causing laughter to erupt out of both of them.

This was the first time since that first day that Edward really got a glimpse of Bella unguarded. Usually when she was around him, she kept her emotions sealed behind a wall of pain. Now as he saw them, Edward could see his unguarded Bella start to emerge. The Bella she had been before the monster had reared its ugly head and ruined everything for them. He definitely didn't want to disturb them, so tearing his eyes away, he retreated quickly into the bathroom.

Security had brought up the overnight bag he'd packed in Forks after Bella had gone to bed. In it, he'd also been sure to pack Alexis's bear. After showering and changing his clothes, Edward emerged from the bathroom, bear in hand, expecting them to still be in the bedroom, but when he passed by the door, it was now fully open, and the bed was empty. He didn't have time to panic before he heard the sound of their voices coming from the living room. Walking towards their voices, Edward saw them at the same glass window he'd been staring out the night before. Bella was holding Alexis in her arms as she pointed out various things on the street below. It was only then Edward noticed that they were already dressed in different clothes, meaning they'd been awake for a while.

It wasn't until he was standing just behind the couch that Bella seemed to sense him, causing her to turn. Her eyes locked with his and in that brief moment, he could see unguarded Bella slip away as she put her wall up again. He hoped that at some point, he would be able to break down that wall and reach her again- like how it'd been when they first met.

"Maisie!" Alexis yelled, as she spotted the bear in Edward's hands. As Bella put her down, Alexis ran over to Edward.

"I found him in your room," Edward said, handing it to her.

"Thank you, Daddy," Alexis said, taking the bear from him.

Edward froze slightly at Alexis's words. He quickly looked at Bella who regarded him carefully. Edward was expecting her to be just as surprised as him. Instead, she just looked sad.

"She's been calling you that since we left," Bella explained softly. Edward looked again at Alexis, who was hugging the bear tightly around its neck.

He was at a loss as to how to respond to her. "You're welcome," was all he could muster.

"How long have you both been awake?" Edward asked, turning his attention to Bella again.

"Since seven," she said, shrugging. Edward briefly wondered if Bella had purposely waited for him to wake. Maybe she wanted him there. His heart swelled at the prospect.

Her next words shattered any hope of that. "I was going to take Alexis out for breakfast, but she insisted on waiting for you."

He tried not to let his disappointment show. "Where were you taking her?" he asked.

"Maybe down to the diner I'd seen right down the street," Bella said.

"Are you coming with us?" Alexis asked.

Edward was about to answer her yes, but he decided to run it by Bella first.

"If it's okay with your mother," he said.

"Please, Mommy?" Alexis begged.

Bella's face was blank as she responded with a nod, so Edward didn't know if she really wanted him to come, or if she was just saying yes to appease Alexis.

The diner sat at a lonely corner right down the street.

"Table for three?" the waitress asked as soon as they'd stepped in. She gave Edward what was supposed to be a sexy smile as they slid into the booth she'd led them to, but Edward wasn't paying enough attention to her to notice. He did see Bella roll her eyes however. Edward raised his eyebrows at her, but she just shook her head.

"So what can I get you folks?" she asked, when they were seated. Even though she spoke to all of them, her gaze never left Edward.

"I'll just have one breakfast special," Bella said forcefully, calling her attention away from Edward. The woman gave Bella a hard smile as she turned to look at her.

"Okay and for you, handsome?" she asked, turning her attention back to Edward.

"I'll just have a coffee," Edward said without taking his eyes off Bella.

The waitress gave Bella another hard look before she sulked off.

"You're not hungry?" he asked when they were alone.

"No, I'm alright," she said.

"Are you sure? If you want, we can go somewhere else."

She shook her head.

"Have you decided when you want to go back to Forks?" he asked, when several minutes of silence had passed between them.

"I was hoping for this afternoon. I still have the house to see about."

"Well, you don't have to rush now. I can have someone over there to clear everything up. We can stay here as long as you want," Edward said, wanting to prolong the time he got to spend with Bella and Alexis. The sooner they went back to Forks, the sooner their conditions had to be put into place.

"No, I prefer to do the cleaning myself. Alexis and I have school anyway," Bella explained.

Edward sighed in defeat, knowing deep down that was not the only reason why she wanted to leave. She was determined to start putting distance between them.

Looking at Bella, her words from a few days ago ran through his mind- taunting and unwelcomed. "_Nothing you could ever do would ever make up for the past."_

His determination to win Bella back faltered a bit when he remembered that Bella hadn't been the first person who'd told him he was fighting a hopeless cause.

* * *

><p>"<em>So truthfully, did you have a good time?" Edward asked pressing his lips to her hair. Bella sat between his legs with her back pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped around her. The sand was warm beneath them as they watched the dying sun slowly sink beneath the Atlantic Ocean. They'd been on the island for five days already. Each day was spent exploring all that the Bahamas had to offer, and each night was spent exploring each other.<em>

_Edward didn't think it was possible to love Bella anymore than he already did, but somehow during the time he got to spend with her, undisturbed and completely his, he was reminded of all the reasons he'd fallen so hard for her when they'd first met._

_He pressed his lips to her hair as she smiled her genuine Bella smile. It had been his goal while on the island; do everything to make sure she was happy. It seemed that she really was, but he wanted to hear her say the words._

"_Yes, I did," she said, turning to press her lips against his. "Thank you."_

_He breathed a sigh of relief. "You don't have to thank me," he said, as he tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. "I want you to be happy. I should be thanking you."_

_Edward felt Bella press herself more tightly into him. She didn't need coaxing anymore. He knew she wanted this, just as much as he did._

_After a moment, her demeanour changed, and she sighed slightly._

"_I just wish we didn't have to leave," she said sadly._

_Edward wished so as well, but his father had been pestering him to return home to start establishing his business. Carlisle was splitting his company in half, giving Edward equal assets and allowing him to run his side of the business how he saw fit. It wasn't unknown to Edward that his father dabbled in illegal businesses, but unlike Carlisle, Edward had no desire to get in that deep. He was determined to run his side of Cullen Enterprise as legally as possible. Carlisle didn't think he could do it, but Esme did, and that was all the support Edward needed._

_He'd explained all of this to Bella already._

"_We can come back again soon," Edward promised, hating the sadness in her voice. "Just as soon as I get things running."_

_Bella nodded, but she still looked troubled._

"_What is it?" he asked, wrapping his arms more tightly around her._

_She turned her head slightly so she could look into his eyes. He could see an internal war raging inside her. She seemed to be weighing her words before speaking them._

"_While you're working, what will I be doing?" she asked._

"_What would you like to do?" Edward asked._

_She thought carefully again before she answered. "I want to go back to school."_

_Edward nodded. He hadn't told her they wouldn't be returning to Florida yet. He figured now was as better time as any._

"_Alright," he said slowly. "But it can't be in Florida."_

_Even though Bella's expression remained calm, Edward could see the pain in her eyes. _

"_Why?" she asked calmly._

"_Carlisle's company is based in Chicago, so that's where I'll be basing mine," Edward explained. In order to pacify her, he stated his proposition. "You can go to any school around Chicago. I'll pay for everything of course."_

_Bella just nodded in response, and Edward briefly wondered if her sadness had more to do with her being away from Florida and her mother, and less to do with the school situation. He didn't know how he could help her with that. Part of him wanted to let Bella have some kind of connection with Renee, but the selfish part of him didn't want to risk the chance that Bella would escape from him with help from her mother. No. He didn't want to risk that so instead he chose to keep her away from her old life._

"_Let's not talk about that," he said, not wanting any deep conversation to ruin the limited, undisturbed time they had together. Pulling himself from behind her, Edward kneeled on the sand in front of Bella, then taking her face between his hands, he whispered, "This is our new life, Mrs. Cullen, and I want you to be as happy in it as possible." Then pressing his lips to hers, he leaned her back until she was lying beneath him on the sand. All thoughts of the future effectively being cut off._

_Bella was sound asleep as security drove them from __O'Hare International Airport_ _to the estate where they would be staying. The house was a wedding gift from Esme. She claimed the house was a side project for her, and she just wanted to help the new couple in any way she could, but Edward knew the real reason Esme had given them the house. It was a way for her to keep Edward close by. It wasn't far from Carlisle and Esme's house._

_Just like in Florida, the house was tucked deep within a private area surrounded by trees. A massive gate blocked anyone who happened to pass by from seeing within the grounds. The house was a modern four storey with big windows, something Edward knew Bella would enjoy. Dean, who was head of Edward's security team, had been sure to secure the house with every state of the art security system known to man. Part of it was to keep Bella safe, but part of it was to make sure that just in case she changed her mind, escape would not be an option._

_It was late when they finally arrived at the house, and Bella was too tired for a tour, so after showing her to their room, Edward left her to sleep._

_Quietly, he slipped down to the garage beneath the house. All of his cars had been brought up from Florida, and it wasn't hard for Edward to spot his beloved Audi. Security was posted at the gate, and they waved Edward on as he passed by. As much as he hated leaving Bella, even for a moment, he was confident in their ability to keep her safe._

_Edward drove the four miles from his home, to Carlisle and Esme's house. The first thing he noticed was that Carlisle's car was gone, which meant his father was out. He was glad. Edward had wanted to speak to Esme privately. He found her on the balcony outside the living room, a lit cigarette in her hand. Edward knew what that meant. Carlisle had gone on another one of his rages. Sure enough, there were still-forming bruises and marks along Esme's arms and neck, showing they had indeed had another confrontation. Her back was to him, and she didn't notice him until he was standing right beside her._

_She jumped slightly when she saw him, but then she breathed a small sigh of relief when she saw that it was only him._

"_So you're back," she said with a smile as she took another drag from her cigarette._

_Edward just nodded in response. Even though it was familiar, the sight of the still-forming bruises on her skin disturbed him._

"_How was it?" she asked, pulling the sweater she wore a little bit tighter around her, effectively blocking the marks from Edward's sight._

"_It was fine," Edward sighed. "The house is beautiful. Thank you."_

_Esme smiled at him in response. "You're welcome. I'm glad you like it. Does Bella?" she asked. Edward noticed a slight change in Esme's voice when she said Bella's name, but he brushed it off._

"_She was asleep when we arrived so I didn't have chance to ask her," he admitted._

_Esme only nodded as she took another drag from her cigarette._

"_How is she taking it all?" she asked._

_Edward thought for a moment before he answered. "She seems to be doing okay, but I'm not sure. That was what I wanted to talk to you about."_

"_I'm listening," Esme said, as she outed her cigarette on an ash tray resting on the balcony._

"_I wanted to know if you could take Bella under your wing or something," he said._

_Esme looked at him, confused._

"_Like how you and Rosalie are close, I wondered if you could be that close to Bella," he explained._

"_Okay," she said. "Can I ask why?"_

_Edward sighed, and when he spoke, even he could hear the guilt in his voice. "I still feel bad for taking Bella away from her life in Florida. I know she misses her mother above all, and while I don't have it in me to risk letting her contact her mother, I thought that maybe if she developed some kind of friendship with you, it might ease her pain a little."_

_Esme regarded Edward for a brief moment before she answered, "If it means that much to you, I'll try. Rosalie and I are going on a shopping trip tomorrow, so she's welcome to join us."_

_Edward breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't realise Esme was still looking at him speculatively._

"_Why is this so important to you?" she asked, sounding genuinely curious._

"_I want her to be happy," Edward said, as if it was the most obvious answer, and she just wasn't getting it._

_Esme looked at him doubtfully, but she didn't respond._

"_Why is that is that so hard to believe?" Edward asked. "Don't you think I want her to be happy?"_

_Esme laughed. "It's not that I don't think you want her to be happy, it's that I don't think Bella would ever be happy. She seems reluctant, but if she is what you want then what can I say?" Esme said._

"_Yes," Edward said. "She is what I want. She's all I'll ever want."_

_Esme looked at him with sadness in her eyes, like the thought of Edward so struck by Bella, hurt her. _

"_Well, if she's coming with us tomorrow, then tell her we're leaving at eleven," Esme said, as she picked up the ash tray and turned to leave, but before she went through the door, turning to Edward, she gave him a sad smile as she said, "I know your heart is in the right place, but I know what I'm saying when I say Bella will not be happy here."_

_Then turning back, she continued into the house._

* * *

><p>Almost two weeks after they'd made their compromise, Edward found himself living in Forks, trying to balance the running of his company from home and being a part-time parent to Alexis. When he'd told Bella that he would be leaving Chicago to take up residence in Forks, he knew she would not pleased, but he'd been sure to voice the topic with her when Alexis was near. He knew Bella wouldn't say what she really wanted to with Alexis within earshot. He tried to reason it out with her, saying that he just wanted to be nearer to Alexis, but that hadn't been enough to stop the angry words she's spewed at him once they were alone.<p>

Nevertheless he moved, much to her dismay, to Forks. He knew he would have to travel occasionally to Chicago, but for the time being, Edward was content being near Bella and their daughter. The only other person who was less than happy for Edward to move was Esme.

Edward had not had it in him to cut her off, so going against Bella's back, he still talked to Esme. She of course was as ever persistent on him taking Alexis.

"I don't get it, Edward. Why? Why can't you just take her?" she asked one afternoon. These conversations were becoming a daily occurrence. Each call was as frustrating as the last.

"Because it's wrong," he said for the hundredth time. "I will not take Alexis from Bella."

"Why not? You know it's just a matter of time." Esme tried again to reason. "You know the second things don't go her way, she's going to take my granddaughter and run again. What if you don't find them this time?"

"That's not going to happen," Edward said, but even he could hear the uncertainty in his voice. By contacting Esme, he'd broken Bella's condition, which meant she was free to do whatever she wanted. Also, for the past several weeks, Edward had noticed a change in Bella. She was distant, thoughtful, seemingly preoccupied with something, and he feared what was going on inside that beautiful mind of hers. Edward often worried that she'd found out that he was still in contact with Esme, but that wasn't possible. It was something else, and Edward feared what it was. _Was she still planning to take Alexis and run again?_

Glancing at the clock on the wall of his office, Edward saw that it was almost one-thirty. Alexis would be finished with school soon, and he wanted to be there when she reached home.

"I have to go," Edward said, glad for a reason to end their argument early.

It was a daily occurrence for him to spend time with Alexis after school, and under Bella's condition, she supervised the visits. It was never a problem for Edward. Bella always sat quietly in the back, letting him have his time.

Esme knew the reason behind Edward's abrupt departure so she didn't question him on it. After ending the call, Edward headed over to Bella's house.

The two houses were far enough apart that Bella didn't feel Edward was trying to smother her, but close enough that Edward was content. When they'd returned to Forks, Edward had offered to buy Bella a new house or at least let him help her fix up the old one, but she'd refused, already none too pleased that he'd gone behind her back and paid off her bills.

"I still owe you child support," Edward had said to defend his actions.

"I don't want your money, Edward, and I don't want you meddling in my business," she'd yelled.

The cleaning up of the house had been another source of an argument. Most of the furniture had to be dumped, and that included Alexis's bed, which meant Bella and Alexis now shared one mattress on the floor. No matter how many times Edward tried to help Bella financially, she kept shutting him down, saying she would handle her problems on her own. The only upside from all that had transpired was now that Bella was no longer employed at the gas station, she was able to acquire a better job. Through his resources, Edward had been able to find out that she'd applied for a small position at the local newspaper, and without her knowing, he was, not only able to help her get the job, but to also get her a better position than the one she had applied to. Luckily for him, Bella was still unaware of the amount of influence Edward had, so she never suspected a thing.

When Edward pulled up outside her house, he found her sitting on the front step staring out into the road. She didn't even look at him as he approached.

"Hey," Edward said softly, calling her attention.

When she looked him in the eyes, Edward could see it again. It brewed beneath the surface. It had been there all week, and he feared what she was thinking.

"You're early," she said. He could hear the accusation in her voice, but she didn't sound angry at least.

Looking at his watch, he smiled guiltily. "I guess I am."

He had arrived early on purpose, hoping to spend just a little bit of time with Bella. Despite her earlier refusal of there ever being a them, Edward still hadn't given up hope. He still wanted her.

"Well, the bike arrived," Bella said, pointing to a rectangular shaped box to the side of the door. Edward hadn't noticed it before.

On Alexis's insistence, they had gone to the toy store as soon as they'd arrived back in Forks. She'd chosen a bike as her present, which was good seeing as James had trashed her previous one. The colour she'd wanted specifically was not available in Forks' meager toy store so Edward ordered it and had it sent to Bella's house. Edward was not aware that the bike had to be assembled.

"Who's supposed to build that?" he asked confused.

Bella raised her eyebrows as she fought a smile. Whatever she'd been thinking of when he'd first arrived seemed to have left her mind. "You didn't think the bike would arrive built, did you?"

"No, but I figured they'd build it here or something. I can't build a bike."

"It's not that hard," Bella said shrugging. "If you want, I could ask Sam to build it for her."

Edward couldn't help the narrowing of his eyes at the mention of Sam's name. Until he and Bella were together again, any man in her life was deemed a threat to him.

"No, I can do it," he said. He didn't want Sam building a bike he'd bought for his daughter.

Bella watched him with an amused expression as he walked over to the box. Pulling out the manual attached to the top, he began reading. Then a new course of action occurred to him.

"Can you help me?" he asked her.

She looked at him, confusion all over her face. It wasn't that the bike was difficult to put together, on looking at the manual Edward saw that it was very basic, he just wanted to do something with Bella.

She didn't answer him for a moment, and Edward thought she would say no.

"Okay," she said, surprising him.

Edward pulled the box over to where Bella sat on the step, then handing her the manual, he began ripping open the box with his car keys.

"It's not that hard," Bella said, looking at the manual. They began laying out the pieces on the floor, being sure to keep all the small parts together.

"What's first?" Edward asked.

Bella pointed to the part with handle bars, "That's supposed to attach to the part with tyres," she said, pointing to each in turn. They continued like that, working together to construct the bike. Aside from talking about which part went where, they were quiet as they worked. Edward wanted to say something to her, to ask her what was wrong, why she seemed so distant, but part of him was too terrified to know. Bella held a certain power over him, and with simple words, she was able to make or break him.

"How are your sessions going?" Bella asked as Edward attached some screws into the wheel. This wasn't exactly the conversation Edward had hoped for, but at least it was something.

"They're going well," he said, and they really were. With the psychologist's help, Edward was able to combat the monster inside him. The part of him that was willing to do anything to get her. Even if it meant hurting her. The fact that he hadn't so much as raised his voice to her, despite the numerous times she had at him, proved that it really was working. He wasn't naive though. He knew the road to fully defeating the monster in him was a long one, but he was as ever determined to do it.

"Okay, is that the last part?" Edward asked as he tightened the screw with the screwdriver that was in the box.

"Yes," Bella said looking impressively at the bike. "It looks good. I'm impressed."

She smiled a genuine Bella smile as she inspected Edward's work. Edward's heart swelled at the sight of it. It had been a long time since he'd done something right by her, and he didn't want this moment to end. But just as quickly as the smile came, it left, and as Bella passed her finger over the pink and purple streamers that fell from the ends of the handlebars, the distant look, mixed with sadness, covered her features. She looked up at Edward with uncertainty in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked, alarmed by the sudden change.

She didn't answer. She just continued to look at him, some unknown emotion dominant in her brown eyes. Now Edward really began to fear that Esme was right. Bella was planning to take Alexis again. The thought angered him.

"What is it?" he asked angrily. "Something has been bothering you these last couple weeks, and I don't know what it is. Is it something I've done? I've done everything you've asked."

Bella just blinked at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Why are you looking so distant? " Edward asked.

Realisation dawned over her face, and she sighed. "You didn't do anything," she said. "I've just had a lot on my mind."

"What is it?" Edward asked. "Maybe I can help you."

"I don't want your help, Edward," she said. "When are you going to grasp that?"

"I will never give up trying to help you," Edward said. "I have a lot to make up for. Please, just tell me."

"I might as well," Bella said. "It involves you."

"Me?" Edward asked. Now it was his turn to be confused. "How does it involve me?"

Bella didn't answer him as she looked out towards the road again. She seemed to weigh something for a moment and then taking a deep breath, she looked back at him and said, "I want to contact my mom."

* * *

><p><strong>I think I owe everyone a huge apology for the late update.<strong> **Life caught up to me, and I couldn't put it on hold any longer. ****  
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**Thank you for all the reviews, favourites, story alerts and for giving this story a chance. I know at times it is tough to read, so I am grateful to everyone who is willing to stick it out with me. Don't forget to share your thoughts by reviewing.  
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****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix****

**Special thanks to Project Team Beta, thir13enth and thalia-csiny for proof-reading**


	12. Let it Burn

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

**A/N This is one of those difficult to read chapters that will contain physical abuse.  
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**If you're not comfortable reading it or prefer not to, please stop reading now.  
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**It's not graphic abuse. It just may be hard for some to take.  
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* * *

><p><strong>"Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt, deeply hurt by someone you trust" <strong>

**- Renita Weems**

**Chapter 11**

**Let It Burn**

It was something that had been brewing in her mind since Edward had found them, and then the thought was strengthened when they'd made their compromise. Bella wanted to contact her mother; she needed to know how Renee was doing. Now that the pressure of Edward finding them was removed, the pain of how long it had been since Bella spoke to her mother came forward. She was tired of substitute mothers. She hated the not knowing.

"But what do you want to tell her?" Edward asked as Bella pulled up outside of Alexis's school. They were early, so after shutting off the engine, they sat in silence for a few seconds as Bella thought over her answer.

"What do you want to tell her?" Bella asked. They'd been discussing Bella contacting Renee for a while, and whilst what Edward wanted didn't really matter, she was curious to hear what he would say.

"Whatever you want. If you want to tell her the truth, then okay," he said, catching her by surprise.

Bella gave him a sardonic look. "You know if we tell her the truth, she's going to have you arrested."

Pain crossed Edward's face. "It's what I deserve anyway."

Bella was caught off guard by the sincerity in his voice. She couldn't help the hard chuckle she gave. "As appealing as that sounds, I don't think Alexis would enjoy talking to you through a plastic window."

Bella sighed. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Edward watching her.

"Then what do you want to do? Whatever it is, I'll help."

She was saved from having to answer right away by the sound of Alexis's classroom door opening. A few of the parents started walking in to collect their children. Leaving Edward for a moment, Bella went into the class to get Alexis.

"Hi, Daddy," Alexis said, as Bella buckled her into her car seat. "What are you doing here?"

It was unusual for Edward to accompany Bella to pick Alexis up from school, but they'd wanted to continue their conversation. Also, Edward wanted to surprise Alexis with her new bike.

"Well, your mommy and I have a surprise for you," Edward said. Bella shot him a quizzical look.

"We built it together, so it's from both of us," Edward said.

"What is it?" Alexis asked, calling the attention back to her.

"We're going down to the park, so you can see it then," Bella said.

The bike was lying flat in the bed of the truck, along with the helmet and guards, so Alexis hadn't seen it when they'd passed by.

"Is it a pony?" she asked.

Through the rear-view mirror, Bella gave her a confused look.

"You can't build a pony."

"Can too!" Alexis shot back.

Edward laughed at the both of them.

The park was its usual scarce self when they pulled up. Alexis hadn't stopped trying to guess her surprise the entire time.

"Can I see it now?" she asked as she climbed out of the truck.

Bella nodded towards Edward, who reached into the back and pulled the bike out.

"My bike!" Alexis yelled excitedly. "Thank you."

Bella watched as Edward helped Alexis into her protective gear, slightly amused at the sight. Edward often commented on how strange it was to see Bella as a parent, but the surprise went both ways. For Bella, it was peculiar to see Edward interact with Alexis. Especially seeing as she had been so against them ever meeting.

Sitting on one of the benches, Bella watched as Edward helped a thrilled Alexis try out her new bike. It was the first bike that Alexis ever rode that didn't have only three wheels, so Edward stayed close to her as she rode up and down the pathway.

The more Bella saw this other side of Edward, the more her feelings and resolve began to waver. Just when she thought she'd figured out Edward's character, he turned around and surprised her. All of this just amplified her confusion. She didn't know what she wanted anymore. It was easier to hate the monster than let her guard down around the Edward whom was with her now.

* * *

><p><em>The soft touch of fingers trailing from her cheekbone to her chin woke Bella early the next morning. Even though the touch was gentle, she grumbled in response<em>— _her body sensing that it was too early. A soft chuckle came from nearby._

"_Wake up, sleepyhead," Edward said. "I have to head out now."_

_At the sound of his voice, her eyes sprung open. She was greeted by the sight of a fully-dressed Edward. He was dressed in a soft grey pants and a white button-down shirt. His hair was damp_— _ evident of a shower. Casually dressed Edward was sexy enough; Edward dressed in part of a suit made her mouth water._

"_You're leaving?" she asked._

"_Yeah, I have a breakfast meeting with Carlisle, and then I have some business to attend to," he said. "I'm sorry I can't take you on a tour of the grounds, but there are helpers downstairs who will attend to your every need."_

"_You woke me up to tell me that?" Bella asked sarcastically. "Don't you have someone whom could have come at a more convenient time?"_

_The smirk Edward gave her showed that he knew she was joking._

_With a devious smile, Edward walked to one of the curtains and pulled it back, causing bright early morning light to shine through._

"_Now how can I not show you this glorious morning?" Edward asked with a laugh._

"_That's mean," Bella said as she tried to shield her eyes from the light. Picking up one of the pillows next to her, she chucked it at him. His eyes were sparked with deep humour as he dodged her object easily. Edward chuckled as he pulled the curtain back. He walked over to the bed again and sat on the edge._

"_Did you just wake me up to bug me?" Bella asked._

"_Yes, and I wanted to talk to you as well."_

"_I'm listening," Bella said as she buried her head in the pillow._

"_My mother invited you to go shopping with her and Rosalie today," Edward said._

_Bella's body froze, and when she raised her head from the pillow, her eyes were wide. There were so many things wrong with that sentence that she didn't even know where to begin. Why would Esme invite her to go anywhere? The woman had made it very clear that she hated Bella with an unbelievable passion, so why the sudden change of heart? Bella was immediately on the defense._

"_Your mother _invited_ me?" she asked._

"_Yeah," Edward said, but Bella wasn't so sure. It was so unlike the Esme she knew. Had she a change of heart? Bella doubted the woman had a heart to change._

"_It's only if you want to go, of course," Edward said, sensing Bella's hesitancy._

_A little voice in her head whispered to her that it was a bad idea. That Esme had already proven she had a bad bone, but part of Bella wanted to make amends with her mother-in-law._

"_No, no. If she invited me then I'll go," Bella assured him._

_Edward seemed relieved by that as he let out a sigh._

"_Okay, well, they'll be leaving at eleven. I'll alert security, and they will take you. Do you want to ride with them or alone?" Edward asked._

"_I'll ride alone," Bella said quickly. Even if Esme had changed, Bella would much rather not be stuck in a car with her._

"_Okay, I'll let them know," Edward said. Taking out his wallet, he pulled out a credit card. Bella saw that her name was already printed on it. He laid it on the table next to the bed. "Buy whatever you want."_

_Bella couldn't help but grimace slightly. She hated Edward spending money on her, but she knew arguing would be pointless._

"_Thanks," she said._

_Leaning down, he pressed his lips to Bella's forehead and then her lips._

"_I hope you have a good time," he whispered. His smell was intoxicating, and it made her slightly dizzy._

_Bella couldn't help the smile that came to her face. He was too beautiful, too sweet. It was moments like this that made her want to forget about all that had happened. It made her want to fully forgive him. When he was being sweet and kind, like he'd been for the last several weeks, it was hard to remember that there was another side to him._

"_I love you," he whispered against her lips, pulling her from her thoughts._

"_I love you, too," she said, pressing her lips more fully against his._

_He smiled against her mouth. After one last goodbye, Edward left, closing the door quietly behind him. Bella rolled over onto her back and breathed a sigh. Everything with Edward was so confusing, and she briefly wondered if there would ever be a time when it wasn't. She hoped so._

_Sleep was a lost cause, so climbing out of bed, Bella really got a view of her surroundings. She'd been so out of it the night before that she didn't remember seeing any of the things she was seeing now._

_The room was large, and if it was any indication to the rest of the house, Bella figured there would not be enough time to explore it all. Walking over to the window, she pulled the curtain back slightly to look out. The room overlooked what Bella guessed was the front of the house. The grounds were grand and surrounded by trees. A driveway could be seen winding its way towards a large gate. From her spot, she could see one of the men who'd been with them on the island, standing in front of the gate. She didn't recognize the other man posted there. _

_The sound of someone knocking on the door made her jump._

"_Come in," she called to whoever it was._

_An elderly woman walked in, and Bella recognized her right away. It was the woman from Florida._

"_Mrs. Cullen," she said as she spotted Bella by the window._

"_Bella." She wasn't use to her married name yet, and she preferred for people to use the variation of her first name instead._

"_Bella," the woman said, smiling. "I just came to see if you were awake. Mr. Cullen informed me that you would be leaving, but he warned that you might go back to sleep, so I came to check on you."_

"_I'm awake," Bella said, returning the woman's smile._

"_Okay, well, why don't you wash up, and I'll make you breakfast. The bathroom is through there," she said, pointing to a door opposite to the one she'd just come through. Then walking to another door, she pulled it open, revealing a walk-in closet stocked with clothes. "And these are for you."_

"_Is there anything in particular you would like for breakfast?" the woman asked._

"_No, I don't have any particulars. Thank you," Bella said._

_With one last nod, the woman left Bella to get ready._

_A half hour later, Bella sat at the breakfast nook as the woman placed an omelette in front of her._

"_Thank you..." Bella's voice trailed off, realising she still didn't know the woman's name._

"_Mrs. Miller," she said._

_Mrs. Miller ambled around the kitchen while Bella ate. She wasn't really hungry; she was too anxious about seeing Esme again, but she still ate to be polite. She wanted to ask Mrs. Miller more about the Cullens, but she didn't know if the woman would tell her. Did her contract of silence still apply if Bella was now inside the lion's den?_ _She didn't know, and she didn't ask. Nor did the woman volunteer any information. As Mrs. Miller was clearing the dishes away, a man dressed in a crisp suit walked in. Bella recognised him as being one of Edward's security._

"_Mrs. Cullen, are you ready?" he asked. He had a no-nonsense look on his face, so Bella didn't even bother asking him to call her by her first name._

"_Yes, I'm ready."_

_With one last smile of thanks to Mrs. Miller, Bella followed the man out the front door. Another man dressed in the same suite stood next to an SUV. Behind it was another SUV with two more guards. She still couldn't see the need for all this security. Neither men spoke as Bella climbed into the backseat._

_As they drove farther and farther away from the house, Bella's nerves began to get the best of her. She hadn't forgotten what Esme had told her on her wedding day. She couldn't deny that Esme's sudden invite struck her as suspicious, but she wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. She wanted to do right by her mother-in-law. Not so much for Esme, but for Edward._

_Looking out the window, Bella saw that they were driving through a more populated area than the one they'd come from. She briefly wondered if they were meeting Esme at her house, but when they began pulling into the parking lot of a mall, she realised they were meeting her there. The SUV stopped alongside another one just like it. One of the guards came out of the front seat and opened the door for her. Bella opened her mouth to thank him, but the sound of Esme's voice stopped her._

"_About time," her mother-in-law said. Turning, Bella saw Esme climb out of the second SUV. Rosalie was right behind her._

"_We've been waiting for you," Esme said harshly before stalking off. Two guards followed behind her. Rosalie gave Bella an apologetic smile as she followed behind Esme. Both women wore heavy makeup and long-sleeve shirts. Bella briefly wondered if it was too late to retract her acceptance of the invite. Clearly, this day was not going to go well, but she already knew it was too late. She'd told Edward she would go._

_With a slight sigh, Bella walked towards the automatic doors that Esme and Rosalie had just gone through. Two guards followed behind her as well. As a rule, Bella hated shopping, and she highly doubted that Oakbrook Center would have anything that appealed to her, but she really didn't want this day to turn out badly, so bracing herself, she walked on until she spotted Esme and Rosalie. Bella felt out of her element as she wandered into the store they were in. Both women were going through a rack of clothing. When she walked up to them, Rosalie gave her a small smile. Esme looked at her with a grimace. Bella immediately decided that between the two, she'd rather stick with Rosalie._

"_See anything you like?" Rosalie asked kindly. Just as Bella was opening her mouth to answer, she was again cut off by Esme._

"_Of course she doesn't see anything she likes," Esme said with a sinister smile that made Bella's blood curdle. "This is too high-end for the tramp. Maybe after we leave, we can go down to the local street vendor and find something for her."_

_There it was again, the undeserved hatred spewed by Esme. Bella still didn't understand what she could have done to deserve the woman's venom, and just like before, she didn't know how to respond._

"_Esme, give her a break," Rosalie said quietly._

_Esme narrowed her eyes at her. "But it's true. Then again, I suppose now that she's married my son, she's gotten her sticky little fingers into his money."_

_Bella had to bite her lip hard to stop herself from sending back a retort. She had to remember that things between her and Edward hung in the balance, and getting into a fight with Esme would not end well for her. Also, she was pretty sure that the security guards would stop her before she could really let Esme have it. So all Bella could do was stand there and take it as her mother-in-law let out every hurtful comment she could think of_— _ one after the other._

_Each store they went into, Esme had a crude remark for Bella. Though she never missed an opportunity to put Rosalie up on a pedestal, she never missed an opportunity to jab Bella with hurtful words. By the time they'd gone to lunch, Bella's lip was slightly bleeding from the number of times she'd had to bite it._

"_Look, Bella, you can order the salad!" Esme said when they were seated at the restaurant for a very late lunch. Bella couldn't help but raise her eyebrows at her. Bella hated salads, so she was at a loss as to what Esme was talking about._

"_You know. You put on so much weight while on your honeymoon that I figured you might want to start losing some."_

_Even Rosalie's jaw dropped slightly at Esme's words. Esme just shrugged and continued reading from the menu. Dropping the menu she'd been holding, Bella stood up and walked out. She couldn't take it anymore, and she didn't care of the ramifications. She refused to sit there and take Esme's abuse any longer. _

_Security followed Bella as she ambled through the mall, trying her hardest to forget Esme's words. Each remark Esme had said cut Bella like a knife. Bella walked until she came across a bookstore, then without even thinking about it, she ducked inside. Now she felt in her element, but even the comfort of books couldn't provide the solace they once did. They only brought back memories of all the times she'd gone to bookstores with Renee. Bella remembered how she and Renee would go to the local mall in Florida, and while Renee busied herself with all the pottery stores and clothing stores, Bella would find a bookstore. Her mother often joked that Bella could sniff out a bookstore from anywhere on the planet._

_The bitterness returned to Bella as she remembered her mother. It had been more than a month since Bella had last seen Renee, and again, it pained her to think of how much her mother must be suffering with Bella gone._

_Walking through the aisles, Bella passed her fingertips reverently along the spines of each book as she fought the urge to cry. Making amends with Esme was a hopeless cause. The woman hated her with a passion that Bella doubted any amount of time would erase. But what did that mean? Obviously Esme would always be a part of Edward's life, so Bella would have to endure the woman's spiteful words throughout the duration of her marriage to Edward. Just the thought of that made Bella sick._

"_Mrs. Cullen," one of the security guards who'd been following her called._

"_Yes?"_

"_Mrs. Esme Cullen is ready to leave."_

"_What does that have to do with me?" Bella snapped._

_The man remained impassive to her tone._

"_She wanted you to know that Mr. Edward Cullen would be home soon and thereby expecting you," the man said._

_Bella sighed._

_Edward._

_She'd almost forgotten about him. Bella hated leaving the bookstore, but she knew she had to. With one last wistful glance, she followed security out of the store. The SUV that had brought Rosalie and Esme was gone and for that Bella was glad._

_It wasn't until she was secluded within the confines of the SUV that Bella let the tears fall silently down her cheeks. She couldn't believe she'd actually fallen for it. She couldn't believe she'd actually wanted to give Esme the benefit of the doubt. She didn't even try to stop the tears from falling. She cried, not only for what Esme had told her, but also for everything that had happened. She cried for all that Edward had done to her. She cried for the life that had been taken from her. She cried for the future she wanted but would never have. Mostly she cried for her own mother. She missed Renee, now more than ever._

_It was late evening when they pulled into the gate at the estate, and Bella's sobs had not subsided. She didn't even wait for security to open the door before she flung it open herself and climbed out. Neither followed or said anything as she went into the house, slamming the front door as she went._

_The house was quiet, so she knew neither Edward nor the housekeepers were in. She was glad for the brief solitude. Bella didn't even make it to the bedroom before she collapsed on the couch in the living room. She covered her face with her hands as the last of her tears fell. Esme's words had unleashed a flood gate of emotions, and Bella didn't know how to seal it back up._

_The sound of the front door opening reminded Bella of who was really to blame for all that had befallen her. By the time Edward had made his way to the living room, Bella's sadness had turned into rage._

"_Are you okay?" he asked worriedly as he spotted her wet eyes. He kneeled beside her spot on the couch. He reached forward to wipe her tears away, but Bella jerked her face away from him._

"_Am I okay?" she asked, the rage finally taking over. "I have not been okay for the last month!"_

"_Bella, what's wrong? What happened?"_

_Bella contemplated, just for a moment, telling him what had happened, but she pushed it aside. She doubted Edward would care._

"_It doesn't matter," she grumbled. She walked over to the other side of the room, wanting to get as far away from his as possible._

"_Of course it matters, I want you to be—," Edward began, but Bella cut him off._

_Holding up her hand, she said, "Don't, just don't. Please don't drop the 'I want you to be happy' crap on me. I will never be happy here."_

_Edward blinked at her words, and for a moment, Bella could see the hurt reflected on his face._

"_It's not crap," Edward said as he walked towards her._

"_Yes, it is," Bella yelled. "I will never be happy here. Did you actually think that after everything that happened, I would actually want to be here?"_

_Bella knew it was her rage talking, but she was too angry to stop it._

"_What are you talking about?" Edward demanded. "You agreed to marry me."_

"_Because I had no choice! I don't want to be here. I never loved you. I only agreed to marry you because it was my only fucking chance of getting away from you!" Bella yelled._

_There were a brief few seconds as her words sank in, and when they did, she could see the shock, the pain, the agony on Edward's face. He really had had no idea. Just as quickly as those emotions came, anger took their place, but Bella was too far lost in her own rage to care. Just as quickly, Bella saw sweet, gentle Edward slip away; the monster here now taking his place. _

_When he grabbed her and began hitting her, Bella was long over being a doormat. She met Edward's anger with her own. Not even when he pushed her into the glass vase and it broke, the shards cutting into her, did she stop._

_Then with one quick move, Edward grabbed her and threw her onto the ground. He held her hands above her head with one of his, his body weight pinning her to the floor._

"_Well, that was stupid," he said. His voice was deathly quiet, and there was no sign of gentle Edward anywhere in his blazing green eyes. "Because if I can't have you, no one will. You will never escape me. No matter where you go, I will find you." There were scratches on his face as well as a forming bruise on his cheek from where Bella had struck him as he struck her. _

_When he stood to get off of her, Bella sent one quick kick to his shin. The blow caught him off guard, and as he fell, she scrambled away from him and headed for the stairs._

"_Bella!" she heard him yell, but she didn't stop._

_She could hear him coming behind her. When she reached the master bedroom, she slammed the door and locked it. From the other side, she could hear him pounding against the wood. _

"_Open the fucking door," he yelled._

"_No!" she yelled. She walked backwards until her back met the opposite wall. _

"_If you don't open this fucking door, I will get security to break it down."_

"_Fuck you, Edward," she yelled back._

"_Fine, but this is not over between us." The pounding stopped, and she heard his retreating form. Minutes later, she heard the sound of a car on the gravel below. Looking out the window, she watched as he drove away from the house. When his car passed the gate outside, she breathed a sigh._

_Even without looking at her arms, she knew she was going to have awful bruises from where he'd struck her. With shaky legs, Bella stood and walked into the bathroom. She didn't even turn on the light as she began taking off her clothes. She didn't want to see what she already knew would be there._

_She was too afraid to touch her skin, so she let the water wash away the reminders and her tears. As the pieces of glass, from the vase Edward had pushed her into, ran down with the water, Bella knew one thing for sure; the honeymoon phase of their relationship was over._

* * *

><p>Bella's grip on the telephone tightened.<p>

"Do you know where she might have gone?" she asked the other person on the line.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I don't have any forwarding information for her," the disgruntled woman said.

"All right, thank you for all your help," Bella said, with a hint of sarcasm in her voice, before she hung up.

She'd been on the phone all day, calling neighbour after neighbour, family member after family member, friend after friend, all in efforts to try to locate Renee. She'd been careful to alter her voice slightly as she spoke, only telling them she needed to get in contact with Renee, but they'd all told her the same thing. Renee had moved away a few years ago, and no one knew where she'd gone. The person Bella had just spoken to was Renee's less than helpful old boss. She, too, hadn't seen Renee for a while.

Passing a hand through her hair, Bella glanced at the clock. She still had fifteen minutes before she had to pick Alexis up from ballet class. Bella hated that Edward was paying for the classes, but he'd gone behind her back and promised Alexis that she could start.

Realising she only had a few more minutes of the house to herself, Bella tried to rack her brain again. She couldn't think of anyone else who might know where Renee was. She knew that she always had the option of asking Edward, but Bella had promised herself when she'd made the compromise that aside from caring for Alexis, she didn't want anything to do with Edward. Even though she was desperate, she refused his repeated attempts to help her. She was stubborn and wanted to find her mother on her own.

Figuring she wouldn't get a full call in anyway, Bella left the house, disgruntled, to pick up Alexis. Alexis was her usual chatty self as they drove home, and as hard as Bella tried to listen to what she was saying, her mind kept wandering to her mother. For the past four years, she'd lived with the oblivion that her mother still lived in the same house in Florida. Bella had not contemplated the possibility that Renee had moved.

The sound of Alexis calling out "Daddy!" from the backseat pulled Bella out of her thoughts. Turning into the driveway, Bella spotted Edward sitting on the front porch.

"Daddy," Alexis called again when Bella had unbuckled her from her car seat.

"Hey," Edward said as he picked her up. In his hand, Bella saw that he held a manila folder.

"Hi," he said to her over Alexis's head. Bella smiled slightly in response. The confused feeling she usually felt around Edward came to her again. She needed to distance herself from him before she did something she might regret.

When she walked into the house, Bella assumed Edward would stay out on the porch with Alexis; riding her bike during their time together had become an evening tradition for them. She was surprised when he followed her into the kitchen.

"What is it?" she asked.

He stood on the other side of the small kitchen, his gaze uncertain as he looked at her. The folder was still in his hand.

"I wanted to know if you'd found Renee."

Bella weighed her answer before she said anything. She knew Edward would jump at any opportunity to help her, but she didn't want it. She refused to be dependent on him for anything. Not even if it was something she really wanted.

"No, I haven't," she said, deciding that for once, honesty might be the best policy.

Edward sighed and then walked towards her, laying the folder on the counter next to her. Bella couldn't help but tense slightly at the close proximity to him.

"Here," he said, as he pushed the folder towards her. "I know you said you didn't want my help, but I still want to offer it."

Looking into his eyes, Bella knew immediately what the folder contained. Picking it up, she opened it with slightly shaky fingers. Not surprisingly, it contained every bit of information on Bella's mother. From her current address, to financial records— all information a stalker might have on his victim. Looking at Edward again, Bella was reminded of how dangerous a person Edward could be. Not just physically, but powerfully. With the snap of his fingers, Edward could make just about anything happen. It was why Bella had taken so long to actually get away from him. One side of Edward may be the loving father he was a few minutes ago, but the other side was the businessman with more than enough resources at his disposal.

"Why do you have all this?" Bella asked. Even though she already knew the answer, she wanted to hear him say it. Maybe hearing him admit it would be enough to remind her why she needed to distance herself from him.

Edward knew why she was asking him this, even she could see it in his eyes, but he answered her question truthfully, nevertheless.

"When you left, I had someone keep tabs on Renee in case you went to her."

Dangerous, yes, he was. Another reason why she'd wanted to make that compromise with him. She was afraid of what he'd do once pushed hard enough.

Closing the folder, she pushed it towards him. Before it could go far, he laid his hand on it, halting her movements.

"You don't have to use it, but I just wanted to give you the option. I know I took everything from you in the past, but I want to help you get it back," Edward said. Then taking his hand off, he walked out of the kitchen before she could respond.

Bella watched him depart, her resolve of not accepting help from him wavering. Even she couldn't deny the sincerity in his voice as he spoke. She couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed. Despite everything that had happened, it was hard to stay angry at him when he was trying so hard to make amends.

Picking up the folder again, Bella glanced at the main page. This one held all the contact information for Renee. According to the paper, Renee lived in Arizona. Bella didn't understand her reasons for moving there. As far as she knew, Renee had no ties to the "The Grand Canyon State." Bella passed a gentle finger over the phone number on the page. Picking up the telephone, she began dialling, but her finger hovered over the last digit.

Contacting Renee was taking a big leap, but as her finger pressed firmly on the last digit, Bella realised that even though it seemed difficult, compared to all the other leaps she'd taken already for the past several years, this one was the easiest.

The phone rang once, twice, three times. From the corner of her eye, Bella could see Edward helping Alexis ride her bike in the driveway. Yes, this was the easiest leap. On the fourth ring, Bella was about to hang up when a familiar voice came onto the line.

"Hello?"

For a few seconds, Bella was too overwhelmed to speak. She'd been so focused on actually contacting Renee and figuring out how she was going to explain her absence, that she hadn't thought about what she would actually say when they first spoke.

"Hello?" Renee called again.

"Mom?" Bella choked out.

From the other side, Bella heard Renee gasp.

"Bella?"

Still unable to answer, Bella remained silent.

"Bella, honey, please. If it's you, please answer me."

Bella could hear the tears in her mother's voice, and she hated it. It reminded her of when her father had died, that dark period.

"Yeah, it's me." It wasn't until one of the drops fell on her hand that Bella realised she was crying.

"Bella, it's so good to hear from you," Renee said, her voice filled with deep emotion.

Bella was confused by her words. The way Renee worded her sentence made it sound like they had only been apart for a little while, and they were now catching up. Her next words showed Bella that that was not the case.

"I miss you," Renee said, tears in her voice.

"I miss you, too," Bella said. "I'm so sorry."

She couldn't pinpoint what exactly she was apologizing for. After all, what had happened was not her fault, but Bella just felt she owed it to her mother.

"It doesn't matter," Renee whispered. "All that matters is that I can hear from you again. Are you coming home?"

"You don't live in Florida anymore," Bella said. The thought saddened her.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to stay there because I believed that when you came home, you'd go there, but after some time, the pain became too much, and I had to get out. I can go back now if you want."

It didn't escape Bella that Renee had said when instead of if.

"You believed I was coming back?" Bella found herself asking.

"I never gave up hope, Bella. I kept believing that one day I would hear from you again. Even if it was just one more time."

Renee's words made Bella's tears fall faster. She looked out the window to make sure that Alexis wasn't seeing her.

"Are you okay?" Renee asked. In those three words, Bella could hear the deep underlying meaning.

"I don't know," Bella answered honestly. "I'm too confused right now to figure out how I feel about anything."

This conversation was not how Bella had pictured it. She expected Renee to drill her on where she was. Bella was expecting to be questioned on all that had happened. Yet, Renee hadn't even asked any of the hard questions.

"Well, maybe I can come to wherever you are, and I can help you figure it out," Renee offered.

Bella's breath caught. "I don't think that's a good idea," Bella said quietly.

Suddenly, Renee's voice was frantic on the other side. "Please, Bella!" Bella could hear the desperation and grief in her mother's voice. "I've gone four years without knowing if you were alive or dead. Please, please don't make me go through that again."

Hearing her mother beg tore at Bella's heart. She wanted Renee to come to Forks, but she didn't want her mother to become mixed up in the mess that was her life now. Looking out the window, Bella could see Edward and Alexis enjoying their time together. If Renee came to Forks, and things between Bella and Edward turned sour, then Renee would be involved. It was bad enough that Alexis was; Bella wasn't sure she could do that to her mother. But keeping her mother in the dark could be even worse.

Renee coming to Forks would also mean Bella would have to go into some type of explanation about Alexis. Dangerous questions would come up.

As if she could sense the reason behind Bella's hesitancy, Renee said, "I promise I won't ask what happened, and you don't have to tell me. I won't even ask where you've been. I just don't want to lose you again, Bella."

"Okay," Bella said, unable to deny her mother this one request. Looking out the window again, Bella's eyes fell on Alexis. She knew she would have to come clean about her at least.

"But there's someone I need to talk to you about."

* * *

><p><strong>Well, if you've continued reading, I don't think a simple thank you will be enough, but seeing as that is all I can offer, thank you for sticking by this story and of course for your amazing response.<strong>

**I know alot of readers have questions about Esme. Don't worry, we'll get to know a little bit more about her soon enough. What happened in the flashback be an indication as to why she treats Bella the way she does.  
><strong>

**If you have a moment and want to share your feelings, don't hesitate to review. I enjoy reading everyone's response to this story.  
><strong>

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix****

**Special thanks to Project Team Beta, Emily-Masen and Ajr818 for proof-reading.**


	13. Mockingbird

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"He who makes a <em>beast<em> of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man."**

****Dr. Johnson****

**Chapter 12**

**Mockingbird**

"You don't have to use it, but I just wanted to give you the option. I know I took everything from you in the past, but I want to help you get it back," Edward said. Then taking his hand off, he walked out of the kitchen before she could respond.

Walking out onto the front porch, Edward found Alexis waiting patiently beside her bike. He was really beginning to enjoy these moments with her, and he would forever be grateful to Bella for allowing him the chance— even though he didn't deserve it.

Sitting down next to her, Edward welcomed the distraction gladly. He wasn't sure if Bella would use the information he'd given her. He knew perfectly well just how stubborn Bella could be. It was one of her attributes that he both loved and despised.

"Are you ready?" he asked Alexis, as he helped her into her guards.

In her arms, Edward saw that she was holding her bear. It never failed to astound him the attachment Alexis had to the ratty toy.

"Yeah," Alexis said. "Where's Mommy?"

"Umm, she's busy right now, but I'm sure she'll be out in a few."

As Edward watched, Alexis began strapping the bear onto the carrier situated just above the back wheel on the bike. The bear looked as though one bump would knock it to pieces. The thread that held the arms to the torso was beginning to give way, and what was once a smile on its face now looked like a grimace.

"Are you sure you don't want me to buy you a new bear?" Edward asked. "This one is getting a bit old and worn out."

Alexis's eyes widened and confusion crossed her face. "He's not worn out." She began to gently pat the bear's fur. "Mommy says he's just well-loved."

Edward couldn't help the chuckle he gave at her response.

"Well-loved," he muttered quietly to himself. That was putting it mildly.

Alexis had already gotten the hang of riding the bike by herself; it was just time with Edward that she really wanted, so while she rode back and forth in the driveway, Edward sat and watched her. It was quiet inside the house, but from his spot, Edward could see Bella through the front window. Her back was to him so he couldn't see her face. She seemed to sense his gaze because after a few seconds, she walked deeper into the house, effectively cutting off his view.

After almost an hour of waiting, Bella finally emerged. Even though her eyes appeared dry, there was still slight redness around her eyes. Edward knew she'd been crying. That meant only one thing; she had contacted Renee.

She didn't say anything as she sat next to him. They watched for a moment as Alexis, who had grown bored of riding, began feeding her bear flowers she found along the driveway. Edward tried to be patient as he waited for her to speak, but the agitation of not knowing got to him, so he was the first one to break the silence.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Lately it was hard to tell how Bella was feeling. She had become such an expert at hiding her emotions and hardening herself that Edward never really knew what she was going through. This day was no different.

The only thing that indicated just a tiny bit how she was feeling was her eyes. Bella's brown eyes remained Edward's closest companion. Through them, he could almost see all the depths and corners of her soul. No matter how hard she tried to harden herself on the outside, her eyes would always betray her.

Right now they indicated there was a deep grief inside of her, one that he knew he was responsible for. True to her nature, she gave him a sardonic look.

"Okay," he said, not wanting to irritate her. Edward knew that unless Bella wanted to talk, no amount of prodding and poking would get her to open up.

"She's coming to Forks," Bella said after a moment.

Even though it should have, that didn't really surprise Edward. Of course Renee would want to see her daughter. It made Edward wonder just how much Bella had told her.

Bella seemed to know the next question Edward would ask, because she answered without him even having to voice it.

"I didn't tell her everything, because she said I didn't have to." Even though she was speaking to him, Bella's gaze remained focused on Alexis. "She sounded so sad, and she said I didn't have to tell her if I didn't want to, so I chose not to."

When she turned to him, Edward could see the intensity in her eyes. "I don't want her to know what happened between us. It would break her heart. She only knows you and I were married and that we have a daughter."

Bella paused, and when she continued, there was a hint of a smile on her face. "For some strange reason, the marriage part didn't surprise her, but she was shocked when I told her we had a daughter. I think it's because she, just like everyone else, never saw me as a mother." Bella shrugged. "Even though she was shocked, she sounded really excited to meet Alexis."

"I'm sure she'll love her," Edward said. "You've done an amazing job raising her."

"I guess," Bella replied, uncertainty in her voice.

"It's true. Alexis is happy and healthy, and all of that is because of you. Because somehow you managed to raise her, despite all the obstacles in your way."

Edward meant every word he said, and he wished she'd let him help her more, but he knew that after four years of standing on her own, it would take Bella a while to learn to accept help.

Bella didn't comment on what Edward said, and he could still see the uncertainty in her eyes.

"When is she flying in?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I'm not sure. She's going to try and book a flight. She said she wants to move to Forks."

"How do you feel about that?"

Bella raised her eyebrows at him, and for a moment, Edward couldn't understand why. Then realisation dawned on him. He sounded like a therapist, or more precisely, his therapist. They both laughed at the irony of that. It felt good to laugh with Bella, and Edward was glad that despite it all, they could at least share a chuckle.

"She doesn't have to fly commercial. I can send my plane to fly her out here," Edward offered after a moment. Bella grimaced slightly.

"Will you ever stop offering help?"

"No," Edward answered honestly.

* * *

><p><em>No matter how many times his hand slammed against the steering wheel, Edward couldn't dispel the rage inside of him. Not even the stings from where her fingers had scratched his skin could deter his mind from the anger. Where the depth of his anger lay, he didn't know. Part of it was that she'd lied to him. That the numerous times she'd told him she loved him was nothing more than a ploy to escape from him. Another part was the realisation that he'd blown it. He knew that any chance he had of being with Bella, of truly being with her of her own accord, was thrown down the drain when he'd put his hands on her.<em>

_Driving through a more populated area of Chicago, Edward didn't know where he was going; all he knew was he needed to get as far away from her as possible. He hoped if he drove far and long enough, he could banish the memory of the hurt and pain in her eyes._

_Pulling over to the side of the road, Edward cut off the engine and then buried his head in his hands. Pressing his fingertips into his cuts, he tried to make the pain enough so that it overrode everything else, but no matter how hard he tried, no pain could ever replace the agony he felt. Not even slamming his head against the steering wheel could ease it. He felt like someone had cut a hole into his chest using a rusty knife, and in a way, someone had. Bella had shattered his world, or his delusion as he now saw, with a few simple words._

_Tugging at the necktie he still had on, Edward began to feel claustrophobic at the confines of the car. Climbing quickly out, he took a few desperate breaths, hoping the night air could clear his mind a bit, but his attempts were in vain. No matter how much he tried, he knew he would never outrun the pain. It would hurt him for the rest of his life._

_Walking away from his car, Edward continued along the empty street. It was late, and the only source of light came from overhead lamps. He walked until he came up to a bar at one of the street corners. Without even thinking about it, he walked in, desperately hoping alcohol would numb the pain._

_Maybe it was the injuries or the look of despair on his face that showed he was not to be messed with, but whatever it was, the bartender behind the counter never asked for I.D. when Edward asked for his drink. Much to Edward's dismay, not even hard liquor could numb him._

_It was time to face the truth. She'd lied. She never loved him. The one person, whose love mattered and meant the most to him, had lied. The truth of it was pressing down on him hard, and he wished if he drank enough, he could destroy the part of him where his feelings were kept._

_He didn't want to feel anymore. He didn't want to have to face this pain ever again. He wanted to harden himself to numb himself, to it all, so that's what he did. As he consumed drink after drink, Edward worked to harden himself against the pain. He loved her, but he didn't want to love her anymore. He didn't want to feel this burning agony anymore**.**_

_It was long after midnight when Edward finally decided to call it a night. By then, he was able to achieve his goal. The pain had eased. Part of it he guessed was due to the number of drinks he'd had. Knowing he was in no state to drive, he called security to pick him up._

_By the time they pulled up outside the estate, the house was dark, and he was glad. He didn't want another confrontation with Bella. After stumbling into the house, Edward made his way to the living room. It was dark, and the house was still unfamiliar, so he bumped into almost everything. As he walked, he could hear the crunch of glass beneath his feet. Walking to the massive window, Edward saw the only source of light came from a full moon overhead. It shone through the window and illuminated his piano._

_Sitting on the bench, Edward passed his fingers gently over the keys. He hadn't played for a while, and whilst the alcohol was helpful with drowning his sorrows, he knew music was better._

_Very quietly, Edward began playing. His fingers passed effortlessly over each key with a type of certainty that only came from years of practice. The tune was a somber one. It spoke of heartbreak, pain and loss. Whereas the alcohol had numbed the emotions, music brought each one to the surface. Just for that moment, Edward allowed himself to unharden. He allowed himself to feel what he'd been pushing aside all night. The feelings were staggering._

_Unable to take it anymore, he slammed the cover over the keys and made his way to the bedroom. Bella was fast asleep. As he pulled off his clothes and changed into sleepwear, Edward drank in each part of her body. Her long brown hair fell softly over her shoulders. _

_When he lay down next to her, Edward couldn't help but reach out and touch her. She was facing him, and even in the darkness, he could see bruises beginning to form on her once gentle skin. He gently stroked her hair and cheek as he remembered easier times from just that morning when he'd been blissfully ignorant._

_Pressing his lips gently to her forehead, he whispered, "I will always love you."_

_He knew he would always love her. Even if she hated him. Even if she never loved him. Even if he hardened himself to her. He would always love her, but he couldn't take this pain anymore. He preferred to harden himself around her. It was the only way to love her and accept that she would never love him in return. _

_He knew he should probably let her go. After all, she had said she would never be happy with him, but he was too selfish to do that. He would never let her go. He refused to be without her. He would rather face her anger one thousand times than be without her for one second._

_When Edward woke the next morning, his head was pounding. The effects of alcohol made themselves known, front and center, so for a few blissful moments, he forget all that had happened. Then, all too soon, the memories rushed to him, and he sat up in bed. Looking next to him, he saw the bed was empty. Bella was gone. His headache was forgotten as he jumped out of bed and ran, in a panic, into the hallway._

"_Mrs. Cullen, is the omelette okay?" he heard Mrs. Miller ask from below._

_Walking to the banister and looking down, Edward breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Bella seated at the breakfast nook. She didn't see him as she picked at the omelette in front of her._

"_Yes, it's fine," Edward heard her say. "I'm just not very hungry."_

"_Would you like something else?" Mrs. Miller asked._

_Bella shook her head. Looking at her, Edward was not only reminded of all that had happened the previous evening but all the emotions that came with it as well. The heartache and the pain were still fresh in his mind._

_Not wanting to dwell on it too much, he returned into the master bedroom and went into the bathroom. As he stood beneath the shower, he practised hardening himself. It was the only way he would be able to face the day. By the time he was dressed and making his way downstairs, he no longer allowed his emotions to overrule him. The heartbreak was there, but he didn't allow himself to feel it._

_Mrs. Miller was the first one to see him when he stepped into the kitchen._

"_Mr. Cullen," she said as a greeting. "Would you like breakfast?"_

_Edward could sense an undercurrent of something in her voice. When he looked at Bella, he could see the reason why. He hadn't noticed it from upstairs, but there were bruises and marks covering Bella's face and arms, and beneath her eye looked swollen. In his hardened state, Edward was unable to care as much as he should. Even though her body was bruised, there was still fire in Bella's eyes. He narrowed his eyes at her._

"_No, thank you," he told Mrs. Miller without taking his eyes off of his wife. "I would, however, like a moment with Bella."_

_Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mrs. Miller leave the room. When she was gone, he made his way over to where Bella sat. He took the seat opposite her, his gaze never leaving hers. She did not waver under his intense stare._

_They stared at each other for a moment, both of them daring the other person to back down. Edward broke the silence._

"_I don't care that you don't want to be here," he snarled. "I meant what I said last night. You will never escape me. I will never let you go, so you might as well get used to it."_

_Her brown eyes frosted over at his words. "I will never get used to it, and I don't care how long it takes me. I will find a way to get away from you."_

_Edward's eyes blazed at her words, but still, she refused to back down._

"_Is that what you think?" he asked, his tone deathly quiet._

"_That's what I know."_

_Edward had to take a deep breath to stop himself from striking her. It was getting late, and he had business to attend to. Knowing that no matter what he said would only be met with her own fury, Edward stood up and walked to the other side of the table. Taking her chin between his fingers, he tilted her head until her angry brown eyes were looking at him._

_Leaning forward, he whispered against her mouth, _"_You are mine. The sooner you accept that, the better it will be for you." When he pressed his lips against hers, he was surprised she didn't pull away. She decided to punish him in another way by not responding. When he pulled back, he saw the fire in her eyes had not dimmed._

"_You are not to leave the estate at all. Only when I say you can are you allowed to go. If I find out you have disobeyed me, there will be consequences."_

_She tugged her face away from his grip._

"_Behave today," he said. Then leaving her to her anger, he walked out of the house, slamming the door as he went._

* * *

><p>"It's hard looking at Alexis, knowing what I put her mother through. Alexis looks so much like Bella, and when I look at her, I'm constantly reminded of all the horrors I did in my past," Edward said as he looked out the window into the bright Port Angeles day. The openness of Port Angeles was a welcomed change to the constant cover that hovered over Forks.<p>

Behind him, the psychologist, Dr. Haner, waited patiently for him to finish speaking. In her mid-forties, Dr. Haner was supposedly the best in the area, not that Edward cared about that much. His main reason for choosing her was that her office was the closest to Forks. She was the only person, other than Bella, who knew everything that had happened between them. It took several sessions before Edward admitted to all that had happened. Even then, he was not entirely comfortable. Even though the doctor-patient confidentiality had come in place, he did not go into depth about his relationship with Bella until Dr. Haner had agreed to sign a confidentiality agreement.

"Do you think your past has affected how you interact with Alexis?" Dr. Haner asked. Turning his back to the outside, Edward thought carefully about her question before he answered.

"It does, but not in a bad way. Alexis is the only person in this mess who has remained untouched. Everyone else involved has been altered or affected by it somehow. She's the only person who doesn't see me for the tyrant I am. I guess it's made me even more determined to protect her from it."

"Well, it seems you are doing a great job at protecting her from it, but aren't you worried the effect Esme could have on Alexis?"

"All the time," Edward admitted.

Esme had remained relentless in her ever persuasion to Edward to take Alexis. She had not given up hope he would leave Forks with Alexis and return to Chicago.

"I still don't understand why she wants Alexis so badly. I know I told Bella I would choose, but I just can't. I can't turn my back on her no more than I could turn my back on Bella and Alexis."

"But, Edward, don't you think you should focus more on building a firm relationship with your daughter than pushing for a relationship with Bella?" Dr. Haner asked.

There it was again. The disagreement they'd been having ever since Edward had bared his soul and spoken about all that had happened. They'd agreed on a goal-oriented approach to Edward's sessions, but the goals remained a source of disagreement. Dr. Haner thought it was best Edward focus more on building a relationship with Alexis and being a constant presence in her life, but Edward wanted differently. He wanted to work on building a relationship with Alexis and work to get Bella back. This was something Dr. Haner had advised against, pointing out if Bella and Edward were to rekindle their relationship, it should be of Bella's own choosing. Any pressure from Edward could result in Bella pulling away from him entirely.

"I still don't see why I can't work on both," Edward said.

Dr. Haner sighed, and she seemed to weigh her words very carefully before she spoke them. "Edward, I just worry that if your plan of, 'getting Bella back' as you put it, backfires, it might throw you slightly off-balance. You might slip into your old ways."

"I won't," Edward insisted, but Dr. Haner couldn't be swayed.

"Just think about it, Edward. From what you've described, Bella seems to be a very strong-willed woman who won't be bent no matter how much you try. Don't you think that maybe just developing a friendship with her is better than pushing for a relationship?"

Even though Edward would never admit it to himself, he knew she was right. The simple fact Bella was giving him a chance with Alexis was more than he could have hoped for. He knew he should be grateful she was even speaking to him, but for Edward, it wasn't enough. He had never been happier in his life than when he was with Bella. Just the thought of having to accept they could never be together was too painful to even contemplate.

"Why don't you think about it a while, and the next time we meet we can talk more?" Dr. Haner said after a while. Edward's time was up, and he was glad for it.

After leaving the office, Edward walked to his car with slight irritation. It was just after ten when Edward arrived back at his house. He knew Alexis would still be in school and Bella at work. Today, Bella's mother was flying in from Arizona. Even though he offered to be there, Bella had said she wanted to meet Renee on her own. A ringing silence met Edward when he walked in through his front door. He hated moments alone. It gave him too much time to think.

He knew he should at least be doing something work-related, but after the conversation with the psychologist, that was a lost cause. Instead, he went into the living room where his piano sat waiting. It was the very first thing he'd had brought in when he'd bought the house, and he often felt it served as a better therapy than Dr. Haner.

Edward passed his fingertips gently over the keys before he let the music flow through him. As usual, the tune was a sad one that spoke of desperation, hopelessness and heartbreak. It described perfectly how he felt. As he played, Edward allowed his mind to think about what Dr. Haner had said.

She was right, of course. The more Edward pushed Bella to get back together, the more Bella pulled away. She'd already made it clear that other than raising Alexis, she didn't want anything to do with him. But Edward couldn't accept that. He loved Bella too much to push his selfishness aside and let her go. Despite Dr. Haner's warning, Edward was firm in his belief he would not slip back into his old self.

The sound of his piano was disrupted by the ringing of his phone.

"Cullen," he said.

Leah's voice came through the speaker. "Good day, Mr. Cullen. I'm just calling to let you know Mr. McAllister accepted your offer to buy his business," Leah said.

"That's good. Did he settle for the maximum amount?"

"Yes."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Of course he did," he said.

John McAllister was the owner of the local newspaper business Bella now worked for, and it was worth a lot less than what Edward had offered. Edward didn't care much for the business itself, but he saw it as a way to help Bella. He knew Bella would never accept something if it came directly from him, so he figured he would help her indirectly and without her knowledge.

"Mr. Ateara will be flying to Forks tomorrow with the paperwork for you and Mr. McAllister to sign."

"Okay, thanks," Edward said before hanging up.

It often amused Edward the avenues he had to take to get Bella to accept his help. He supposed he couldn't blame her. If he was in her position, he wouldn't be too eager to accept anyone's help either.

Edward resumed his playing, allowing his thoughts to return to Bella as they always did. The tune he played this time was a more peaceful one, and whilst it did not reflect his emotions, it did bring him some peace. This tune spoke of hope and comfort. As he played, he allowed the music to take him to a place where being with Bella wasn't an impossibility.

* * *

><p><strong>No, Dr. Haner is not obligated to report what Edward said. I know this is the first thing everyone will wonder. Bella is considered a competent adult, and neither Washington nor Illinois have laws that mandate psychologists to report domestic violence. Now if it was Alexis being abused then yes, they are mandated to report in cases of child abuse or elderly abuse.<strong>

**Whilst some really good and interesting guesses have been made, no one has been able to guess why Esme treats Bella the way she does. I think one reader did several chapters back, but I can't remember. To really understand Esme, you will have to look beyond the expected behaviour of a battered woman. **

**That is all I'm saying.  
><strong>

**Thank you for all your amazing reviews. Each and every one is greatly appreciated. So, if you have a moment, don't forget to share your thoughts.  
><strong>

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix****

**Special thanks to my new permanent betas **Ajr818** and BelleDuJour.  
><strong>


	14. Broken Strings

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"I can live alone, if self-respect, and circumstances require me so to do.<strong>

**I need not sell my soul to buy bliss. I have an inward treasure born with me, **

**which can keep me alive if all extraneous delights should be withheld **

**or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give."**

**― Charlotte Brontë**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

**Broken Strings**

The sky over Sea-Tac airport was a dull grey, and as Bella sat watching it through the enormous glass that covered the far wall, she thought of how fitting it was. Overhead, the monotone voice on the public address system announced the arrival of another flight. Bella had to strain to hear it over the noise in the food court. Each time an announcement was made, her heart sped up.

It wasn't Renee's flight.

Bella breathed a sigh of relief. She still had time. Taking a deep breath, she tried again to calm herself, but it was a task proving to be impossible. Every passing moment brought her closer to finally seeing her mother. With it also came the fear.

How do you just pick up the pieces after four years apart?

During the times they'd spoken on the phone, Renee had been patient thus far, but how long would that last? How long would she go along with Bella's "ask no questions, tell no lies" request? When the time came to come clean, how would Bella handle it? How would Renee? Bella hoped it would never come to that, because she knew, without a doubt, that if Renee knew what happened, it would crush her.

Glancing at the clock on the far wall, Bella saw that it was just after one in the afternoon. Alexis was in school today, and she'd arranged for after care service just in case she didn't make it back in time. Edward had offered to keep Alexis, but Bella just wasn't ready to trust him like that. He'd even offered to let her borrow his car so she wouldn't have to drive her truck all the way to Seattle, but she'd refused.

Overhead, the public address system rang out again over the noise. It was a flight from New York. Still not Renee. Bella let out a breath she hadn't even known she'd been holding. She still had time.

It still felt surreal to Bella, knowing she was just moments away from seeing her mother again. Renee hadn't gone into much detail on the effect Bella's absence had had on her, but Bella knew it was there. She could hear it in Renee's voice every time they spoke. It was embedded deep within her words and in her tone of voice. Renee always seemed to weigh her words before she spoke them, as if she was afraid the wrong thing might make Bella run again.

The voice on the public address system came through one more time. "Now arriving— flight 1702 from Phoenix, Arizona." Bella's heart sped up to double time. This was it. Renee had arrived. Bella's hand shook as she picked up the cup she'd been drinking from and tossed it into the garbage. The space surrounding the arrivals' waiting area was busy as usual, but Bella managed to wedge herself between two couples for a proper view of those arriving. Around her, people held signs and flowers, welcoming their loved ones to Seattle. She wondered if she should have done the same thing.

Bella scanned the faces of each passenger coming though, her anxiousness gripping her. Now that she was so close to her mother, Bella didn't care anymore about her worries. She wanted to see Renee. She wanted to see her mother. She would deal with all the other stuff later, but for now, she needed to see her mother with her own two eyes. For a moment, Bella's heart seemed to freeze as she wondered if she would recognize Renee or if Renee would recognize her. How much had they both changed in the past four years?

Time seemed to drag as Bella waited. Then she saw her. Renee seemed just as nervous as Bella as she walked down the path to the waiting throng of people. Her eyes seemed to be searching the faces, but Bella was so lost in the crowd she couldn't see her. Bella felt as though her heart would explode as she moved from between the couples and walked around the crowd to where Renee stood, uncertainty in her eyes. Around them, other families greeted their loved ones, but all of that was lost to Bella. All she could see was her mother. When Bella stepped into her line of vision, Renee's hand flew to her mouth, and tears welled up in her eyes. Renee didn't even wait for the initial shock to wear off before she reached forward and wrapped Bella in her arms. Bella held onto her mother tightly as they both cried into each other's shoulders. The emotions were too overwhelming to form coherent words.

"I missed you," Renee said through her sobs. Bella held her mother just a little bit tighter.

"I missed you, too, Mom. I'm sorry." Bella felt she owed it to her mother to keep saying that over and over. She was sorry. Sorry that Renee had been hurt as well, in all that had happened.

"It doesn't even matter. I'm just glad I have you back."

Having her mother's arms wrapped around her was something Bella had been aching for ages. Now that she had it, it was like coming up for air after a long time underwater.

When Renee pulled away so she could hold Bella's face in between her hands, it was then that Bella noticed the changes in her mother. There were dark circles under Renee's eyes and her skin looked paler. Her eyes seemed to hold an ocean of grief.

If it had been any other place, the sight of the two of them hugging and crying might have alarmed passersby, but airports were known for tearful reunions so no one paid them much attention.

"I still can't believe I've found you," Renee said. "I'm afraid that if I look away, you might disappear from me again."

"I'm not going anywhere," Bella said.

Renee just wrapped her arms around Bella again and held her.

After collecting Renee's luggage from the carousel, they were on their way back to Forks. Bella had to be back in Forks before five to pick Alexis up from after-school care, and she told Renee this.

Renee's eyes welled again at the mention of Alexis.

"I can't believe I'm a grandmother," she said, pride and joy strong in her voice. "I can't wait to meet her. Tell me about her."

Bella smiled briefly to herself. "How do I go about describing my strong-willed but very sweet child?"

Renee laughed. "If she's anything like you, I can only imagine."

"She can't wait to meet you," Bella said.

"You told her I was coming?"

"Of course. I had to explain why I was picking her up late. Don't tell her I told you this, but she said she was making a surprise for you."

Renee wiped a tear from her eye. "Gosh, I can't wait to meet her."

They were silent for a moment, and Renee seemed to be, again, weighing her words before she spoke them. "Where is Edward?" she asked.

"He's busy," was all Bella said.

Her mother seemed to home in on Bella's reluctance to expand on that, because after a few beats, she began asking easier questions.

The rest of the drive passed with ease as Renee and Bella caught up. Renee asked Bella about school and work, while Bella asked her about Arizona. Neither brought up the past or all that had happened. It was fifteen minutes to five when they passed the old wooden sign welcoming them to Forks.

"It's very different here," Renee murmured as they drove through town. Bella couldn't deny that. Forks was definitely not Florida. A few cars were parked outside of Alexis's school. When Bella pulled up, she saw Alexis, her face pressed against the front window, staring out to the road. At the sight of Bella's truck, Alexis ran from the window. By the time Bella was climbing out of the truck, Alexis was already out the door, backpack and a piece of paper in hand as she bounded over to Bella.

"Mommy!" she shouted. Bella held her arms out for her and picked her up when she was within reach. Behind her, Mrs. Evans was holding Alexis's lunch kit, which she handed to Bella.

"I'll see you Monday," she said.

"Thank you," Bella replied.

"I missed you so much," Alexis said dramatically.

"I missed you, too," Bella said. "I have someone for you to meet."

Renee was a tearful mess when Bella opened the back door to place Alexis in her car seat.

"Alexis, I would like you to meet my mother," Bella said as a way of introduction. "Mom, why are you crying?"

Renee seemed at a loss for words as she looked at Alexis. Alexis held the paper out to Renee.

"I made this for you," she said.

That just seemed to make Renee cry harder. "Thank you," she said through her tears as she took the paper. From where she stood, Bella could see that it was a drawing of a person with the words, "To: Grandma From: Alexis" written at the bottom.

"My teacher helped me write the words," Alexis said pointing to it.

"It's very beautiful. Thank you." She held her arms out for Alexis who jumped over the center console to settle in her lap as Renee hugged her. "You have your grandfather's curls," she whispered into Alexis's hair.

After a few moments, Renee finally released Alexis so Bella could strap her into her car seat. Alexis talked the entire drive to La Push, catching both Bella and Renee up on all the latest pre-school gossip, which included a new boy in her class. She even spoke of Edward, of how he'd gotten her a bike and was teaching her how to ride it. Bella was thankful that Alexis didn't mention that she'd only first met Edward several weeks ago. Renee seemed to be enthralled by everything Alexis said and would egg her on with questions. It seemed that, just like with Bella, Renee was determined to know everything about her granddaughter. Alexis was just as taken with her grandmother. Their exchange did not end in the car. By the time they'd arrived at the restaurant, Alexis had Renee wrapped around her fingers.

"But I don't want to eat carrots," Alexis complained to Bella. They had been at the restaurant for over two hours and needed to head home soon. They were just waiting for Alexis to finish eating.

"But they are good for you," Bella said, trying to reason with her.

"But they taste yucky." She gave Bella her sad face. Bella, who after years of seeing it was immune to it, didn't budge. Renee, however, folded.

"Aww, you don't have to eat those carrots," Renee said. She shot Bella an apologetic shrug and mouthed, "I can't help it."

Alexis flashed Bella a smug smile. Bella just rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help but laugh. It was late when they finally left the restaurant. Alexis had fallen asleep as soon as the car started moving.

"She has his eyes," Renee said softly as she looked into the backseat. "Bella, she is absolutely beautiful. You've done an amazing job raising her."

"Thank you," Bella said, and for once she was able to push down her self-doubt and accept Renee's compliment.

She looked back at Bella again, and when she spoke, Bella could hear the sincerity in her voice. "I know there are things in your past that you don't want me to know, and I promise not to ask you because, well, I trust you, and I trust your decisions, but I want you to know that if you ever want to talk, I'm here. I will listen."

Bella had just pulled into the driveway when Renee said those words. She had to fight hard to keep herself from crying. After shutting off the engine, she reached out and took Renee's hand.

"Thank you for being here," she said. Even as the words left her mouth, Bella felt they weren't enough to convey the depth of her relief at having Renee here with her. It was as if another burden had been lifted off her shoulders. It was as if the pieces were finally beginning to fit together. "Thank you for never giving up hope in me."

Renee reached out and, wrapping her arms around Bella, she whispered into her hair, "I can never give up hope in you."

* * *

><p><em>The sound of the door slamming as Edward left vibrated off the walls. It wasn't until she heard the sound of an engine starting and tyres on gravel that Bella allowed herself to breathe a small sigh of relief. Despite their head butting, she had avoided another physical confrontation with Edward<em>— _ for now at least._

"_Is there anything else you would like?" Mrs. Miller's small voice asked from the doorway. Bella could see sadness and sympathy etched on the woman's face._

"_No, I'm fine," Bella said as she stood up to leave. She carried her stillfull plate to the counter and handed it to the woman. She felt bad for the wastage, but try as she might, she could not bring herself to consume anything._

"_Is there anything special you would like for lunch?" Mrs. Miller asked as she took the plate from her. Bella shuddered slightly. She highly doubted she would have an appetite by lunchtime, but not wanting to be rude, she said, "Anything is fine."_

_The house was abuzz with workers as Bella made her way through it. Each of them gave her small smiles and worried looks as she passed. She guessed that what had transpired between her and Edward the night before had not gone unnoticed. Not with the bruises and marks on her skin to prove it._

_The house was still unfamiliar to Bella, so each room she walked into was a new surprise. It was larger than she initially thought. Outside, the grounds were a lot less occupied; this made her glad. The house, as Bella saw, was surrounded by trees. She walked until she reached the very edge. It was dense enough that she couldn't see the other side. She briefly wondered if she walked far enough in, if she would find a way off the grounds. The sound of someone behind her made her jump in fright._

_One of the security guards who had gone with her to the horror of a shopping trip the day before stood slightly behind her. Bella was about to ask him what he wanted when she remembered Edward's threat. She realised that he was there to keep an eye on her. Anger flooded her, but she knew arguing would be pointless. They were all like automated robots designed to do Edward's bidding. At least the maids showed some kind of compassion._

_In anger, Bella returned to the house, slamming the door as she went. A few of the maids looked up as she did, but none of them said anything. Walking into the living room, Bella spotted Edward's piano in front of a large window. One of the maids was wiping it down, but she stepped away when she saw Bella approach._

_Sitting down on the bench, Bella passed her fingers gently over the keys. In Florida, she'd had a few lessons, but she had lacked the discipline. She preferred to learn by mimicking the songs of her favourite artists. Very slowly, Bella began to play one to herself. The song was a haunting one that spoke of deep loss and sadness. It described her current emotions perfectly. Only when she was fully lost in the music did Bella allow herself to think about all that had happened._

_She'd screwed up. She knew it, and the marks on her skin proved it. She'd let her anger overrule her reaction, and now she was trapped in an abusive marriage. But that wasn't her only fault. Her first mistake had occurred long before when she'd let her emotions overrule her judgement. She'd fallen again for Edward, and as a result had been hurt by it. Bella wondered if there would ever be a time when she'd stop using love as an excuse._

"_Amy Lee?" a voice asked from behind her. She'd been so caught up in the music she did not hear the person come up from behind. The woman behind her was dressed in the usual maid attire, but whereas the other maids were older, she looked around the same age as Bella._

_It took a moment for Bella to realise what she was referring to, and when she did, Bella smiled slightly. "You know Evanescence?"_

"_'_Fallen_' is a work of art."_

_Bella nodded in agreement._

"_Well, I'll leave you to it," the woman said. Panic seized Bella._

"_Wait, you don't have to go." This was the first person in the house who was even close to her age. She hadn't realised before how incredibly lonely she was. She hadn't had any type of real company, other than Edward, since Florida._

"_I have work to do," the woman said, holding up the pile of sheets she held in her hand._

"_Oh." Bella began playing again._

"_I'll be off in an hour, and if you want we can hang out then," the woman offered._

_Bella's hope fell just as soon as it swelled. "I can't leave the property."_

"_We can stay around here. You can come down to the maid quarters with me."_

"_Okay," Bella said, glad to finally have some kind of company._

"_Well, give me an hour, then meet me down in residential."_

"_Where's that?"_

_The woman pointed through the window just behind Bella. Outside, all Bella could see was dense woods._

"_Head down towards there, and you'll see a path. Take the path, and you'll reach residential. It's still on the grounds, so you won't have to worry." Then, walking closer to Bella, she held out her hand. "I'm Eyrn, by the way."_

_Bella took her hand. "Bella."_

_With one last nod, Eyrn left the room._

_Bella spent the next hour in the master bedroom, unable to stand the pitying looks from the other workers. It wasn't until she was alone that she realised Eyrn hadn't given her that look. Maybe that was why she'd gravitated toward her._

_When the hour had passed, Bella made her way to the area Eyrn had pointed out. Just like before, it wasn't until she was just on the edge that she felt someone behind her, but this time, she didn't pause to get angry. She found the path just between the trees. The distance from the edge of the trees to the residential house was not more than a three-minute walk, but Bella hadn't been able to spot it from the house. It wasn't until she came upon it that she understood why. Unlike the multi-leveled mansion where she and Edward lived, this one was flat leveled, and whereas the mansion screamed of wealth, this one sent out a more homely vibe. It looked very out of place in the woods. After knocking on the door, Bella was slightly surprised when Mrs. Miller answered._

"_Bella, come in. Is everything all right? Is there something you need?" she asked. She was dressed in a soft, light blue dress, which Bella guessed was her casual clothes. Her hair was no longer in the tight bun Bella had seen her in before, and she held a book in her hand._

"_Everything is all right," Bella said, but they both knew she was lying. Everything was not all right. "Is Eyrn here?"_

_No sooner had the question left her lips, than a voice behind Mrs. Miller called out, "Bella."_

_They both turned to see a casually dressed Eyrn standing just behind Mrs. Miller._

"_She's here to see me," she explained. Mrs. Miller looked genuinely pleased. _

"_I was about to have lunch. Care to join me?" Eyrn asked. "After, I can show you the new Evanescence CD. It came out yesterday."_

"_Sure."_

"_I'll fix you both something," Mrs. Miller said. She bustled off through a doorway just to the side of the front door._

"_Come on," Eryn said with a smile, motioning for Bella to follow her through the same doorway._

_The house was as simple on the inside as it was on the outside, but whereas it appeared small on the outside, it was quite large on the inside. It held a more comforting feeling of home._

_Walking through the doorway, they found Mrs. Miller already moving about the large kitchen._

"_Why don't you girls take a seat," she said pleasantly. "I'll just be a moment. Is there anything in particular you want?"_

_Bella looked at Eryn, who shrugged in response._

"_Anything is fine by me," Bella said. Eyrn nodded._

_It was only then that Bella realised how hungry she was, having skipped lunch._

_Eyrn led her to the dining room table. It wasn't until they'd sat down that Bella felt herself relax. Even though she barely knew them, the comfort she felt around Eyrn and Mrs. Miller was something she didn't think was possible here. She briefly wished she could stay here instead of back at the main house. Bella noticed that, other than the sounds of Mrs. Miller in the kitchen, the house was quiet. She expected that with the size, several people lived here._

"_Eyrn, how many people live here?"_

"_Only five of us. Manyof them leave for the day after they've finished working. They have the option of taking up board here, but most choose to return to their regular lives at the end of the day."_

"_Why do you stay?"_

"_I'm from Oklahoma, and I moved here a few months ago to attend college. I wanted to pay my own tuition so I found work working for the Cullens. I worked up at Carlisle and Esme's for a while, then came here when Edward needed workers," she said._

_At the mention of Edward's name, Bella's eyes hardened. Eyrn, sensing Bella's feelings, hurried on. "I'm hoping that once I finish my degree, I can return home for a bit before I head off again."_

"_What are you studying?"_

"_Computer science."_

_Hearing Eyrn speak of college reminded Bella that she would never go._

_Mrs. Miller came over then and placed a bowl of lemon pasta salad in front of them._

"_Thank you," Bella and Eryn said._

"_Is there anything else you would like?" Mrs. Miller asked._

"_No, we're fine," Eyrn said._

"_Okay, well if you do, just call. I'll be out in the backyard."_

_Before leaving she gave them both a gentle smile that made her eyes twinkle._

"_She cares about you," Eyrn said after Mrs. Miller had gone. "They all do."_

_Bella looked at her, confused._

"_I meant the workers. If there was a way to help you, they would and so would I. I didn't understand why the contract they had me sign emphasized privacy so much, until I saw you and found out what happened." There was no denying the sincerity in Eryn's voice when she spoke. "If there was any way I could help you, I would. We all would. But the contract we all signed spoke of the consequences of speaking out. Crossing the Cullens doesn't just end badly for us but for our families as well."_

"_I wouldn't want you to do that," Bella assured her. "Besides, even if you were to go to someone, what would they do? The Cullens have too much influence."_

_Eyrn nodded, because it was true. "It's like my dad used to say, 'When money talks, bullshit walks.'_

"_I don't want to talk about it," Bella said._

_With an understanding nod, Eryn steered the conversation on to easier topics._

_By the end of the day, Bella was having a good time. Eryn was a great person to talk to, and they shared such similar taste in music and movies that they never ran out of things to talk about. As a rule, they stayed clear of the harder topics._

_Throughout the day, Bella saw the other occupants of the house, and after the initial shock of seeing Bella there, they each went out of their way to make sure she was comfortable. Bella knew it was their way of apologizing for not being able to do more to help her, and she appreciated the gesture. All in all, Bella was having a good time, and she hated that it had to end._

_It was after five in the evening when there was a knock at the door. Bella and Eryn were busy playing a third hand of cards in the living room when the same man that had followed Bella earlier walked in._

"_Mrs. Cullen, Mr. Cullen has arrived back at the main house," he said._

"_So?" Bella snapped. If Edward was expecting her to be waiting at the door like June Cleaver, he had another thing coming to him._

"_He says that you are to join him for dinner."_

_Bella rolled her eyes. She was about to have a message passed onto Edward telling him where he could stick that dinner, but she thought better of it. Edward had already proven that he was not afraid to force her hand if necessary._

"_Fine," she muttered. Then she turned to Eryn. "Guess I'd better go."_

_Eryn gave her a small, sad smile. "It was nice meeting you," she said. Bella could see the fear and sadness in her eyes. Mrs. Miller, who had been watching them play from her spot on the couch, had the same look._

"_Can I come back tomorrow?" Bella asked._

"_Of course," Eryn said. "Even if I'm not here, you can hang out here if you want."_

"_Thanks." With one last wave, she left, already dreading the clash with Edward she knew was coming._

* * *

><p>Bella held the confusing letter tightly in her hand as she made her way to her last class of the day. The letter, which she'd found on her desk during work that morning, was a company letter sent out to all employees informing them of changes in the business. It seemed Mr. McAllister had sold the business, and they were all under new management. That wasn't the baffling part; everyone knew Mr. McAllister had wanted to retire. What was strange was the changes that were being implemented. Starting the following week, each employee was getting a raise, as well as compensations that were not normal for such a small business.<p>

The letter did not name the new owner. It only listed the new changes and a hope that the employees would find them satisfactory. The handful of editors who worked on the paper were glad for the new management, and whilst Bella was as well, it struck her as too good to be true.

Shoving the letter into her bag, she pushed all suspicion of that away. It could wait for a little while. It was the first week of the beginning of the semester, so the hallway was filled with students trying to locate their respective classrooms.

Stumbling into her first human biology class for the semester, Bella was relieved that the professor had not arrived yet. The class was almost full so Bella took the only available seat at the center of the cramped room. She didn't recognise the guy sitting next to her, which was surprising considering the small size of the school. In Forks, everyone knew everyone.

No sooner had Bella gotten comfortable did the professor walk in. Science was not her favourite subject, so with great unwillingness, she prepared herself for what was bound to be a difficult class. A half hour before the end of the class, the professor, Dr. Devine, made an announcement.

"I'm not sure how many of you have read the course outline, but you all have a semester-long project which is due the last week of the semester." Bella wasn't even aware there was a course outline. There was an immediate groan from the class. Dr. Devine smiled slightly at the response. Even though she was older than most of the students in the class, she had a witty sense of humour that made her easily likable. Walking around the room, she began handing out a piece of paper with the instructions. "The project will account for 30 percent of your grade. A minimum of two people to a group. It's your decision who you partner with." With that said, she left them to their own devices.

"Would you like to be my partner?" a voice next to Bella asked. Looking up, Bella was met with a pair of cool blue eyes, alive with humour.

"Sure..."

"Sebastian," he said, holding his hand out to her.

"Bella," she said, taking his hand in hers. His grip was firm, and when he smiled, his eyes seemed to sparkle. Bella couldn't put her finger on it, but something about Sebastian immediately put her slightly at ease. After she'd pulled her hand away, Bella shook her head slightly, trying to clear her thoughts. The instructions on the paper were pretty straightforward. They had to choose a mental illness and do a report on it.

"Any ideas on what mental illness we can do?" Sebastian asked.

"No. There is so much to choose from, it's hard to narrow it down," Bella said. When she looked up, she saw that the class was slowly emptying.

"Well, we can each think of what illness we want to do and decide the next time we see each other." He, too, had noticed the emptying class.

"Sounds good."

Walking to her truck, Bella was glad to be outside of the confines of the classroom. Forks was experiencing one of its few sunny days, and she welcomed the change with open arms. Alexis's school had closed early for the summer, so now she was attending camp at her preschool. It was still early when she pulled up outside of Alexis's school. Cutting off the engine, she waited. But the confines of the truck were almost as bad as the classroom. The bench outside of Alexis's classroom where parents sometimes waited was empty, so stepping out of the truck, she began making her way towards it.

It wasn't until she'd turned around that she found Sebastian standing behind her.

"Are you stalking me?" Bella asked.

He laughed at her question. "I was about to ask you the same thing, but no. I'm actually here to pick up my son," he said, indicating to the school. "I saw you pull up, so I thought I'd come over."

They both began walking towards the direction of the bench.

"Has your son always gone here?" Bella asked as they sat down.

"No. This is his second week."

"Oh, you must be Drayven's father," Bella said, finally connecting the pieces. "My daughter, Alexis, is in the same class, and she mentioned there was a new boy." It was true. Alexis had been going nonstop about her new friend at camp.

"Yes, Alexis. Drayven told me he was her friend." Then turning to Bella, he said with a smile, "This really is a small town."

"You have no idea," Bella said. From where they sat, they could hear the voices of the children inside the classroom.

"If you don't mind me asking," Bella said after a moment, "how long have you been in Forks? I don't think I've seen you around."

"Is it that obvious?"

"As you've noticed, it's a pretty small town."

"Well, there is no denying it," Sebastian said. "Drayven and I moved here about a month ago. I have family up in Port Angeles, so I moved here to be closer to them."

"That's nice," Bella said.

"What about you?" Sebastian asked. "How long have you been here?"

"A few years. I moved here just before Alexis was born."

Sebastian's next question caught Bella off guard. "Is her father here as well?"

Bella's eyebrows raised in confusion.

Seeing the quizzical look on her face, Sebastian was quick to explain. "I noticed you said you moved here. Not that you and her father moved here. If I'm being rude, please forgive me."

"Oh," Bella said. His question made sense.

"Well, her father recently moved here."

"So you're not together?"

"No." Sebastian's line of questioning was starting to make her feel uncomfortable. As a rule, Bella hated delving into her past— even if she was skimming the details.

"Oh," was all Sebastian said in response.

"What about you?" Bella asked, wanting to take the focus away from herself. "Does Drayven's mother live in Forks?"

"Actually, no. His mother left right after he was born. She couldn't take the pressure of being a parent, so it's been Drayven and I ever since."

"Must be hard," Bella commented. "Raising him on your own."

Sebastian shrugged. "It is, but I don't have to tell you that. If I had to choose, I wouldn't want it any other way. I rather Drayven be with me than being raised by his unstable mother. I mean, wouldn't you rather Alexis be with you than with her father?"

"Definitely," Bella answered immediately. Just the thought of Alexis being anywhere near Esme made her blood run cold.

"I think they should be finished now," Sebastian said, glancing at his watch. As they made their way to the classroom, Bella could feel Sebastian's gaze on her.

They found Alexis and Drayven sitting side by side in the classroom. Both children jumped up at the sight of their parents and ran to them.

"I guess they are as excited for the end of the school day as we are," Sebastian said.

"I can't blame them."

Walking back to the car park, Bella and Sebastian were a few steps behind Alexis and Drayven.

"Guess I'll see you around," Sebastian said when it was time to part ways.

"Bye," Bella said.

Edward's car wasn't outside the house when Bella and Alexis reached home, but Bella didn't worry about that. Edward had called that morning and said he'd be a bit late today.

"Is Daddy coming over today?" Alexis asked, as she handed Bella her backpack and lunch kit. Bella, already carrying her own bag, struggled slightly to hold it all. "Yes but later. Don't you think you should hold some of these things?" Bella asked.

"I am holding something," Alexis said, holding up the paper with her latest artwork.

"That's not what I meant," Bella said, but Alexis had already run ahead.

When they walked into the house, they found Renee in the kitchen with a mixing bowl in her hand and an open cookbook in front of her. At the sight of Alexis, Renee put the bowl down and swept her granddaughter up into a hug.

Looking into the bowl, Bella couldn't help but ask, "Umm, Mom, what are you doing?"

Even though she deluded herself into thinking she was, Renee was not a cook. Even Alexis's eyes widened slightly in alarm.

"I thought I'd try a new recipe," Renee said excitedly, indicating to the page with instructions on making snickerdoodles. Bella tried and failed to mirror her excitement. The last time Renee, "tried a new recipe" the smoke alarm had gone off.

"How was work?" Renee asked.

"It was all right, but it seems there are going to be a few changes there. The business is under some new management now."

"Is that good or bad?"

Bella thought for a minute. It was good of course, but something about it struck her as odd. "I'm not sure."

"Have you heard from Edward?" Renee asked.

Even though she tried to make the question nonchalant, Bella could see something in her mother's eyes. During the time she'd been in Forks, Renee had been a silent observer to how Bella and Edward interacted. Bella couldn't deny that her mother was perceptive, and that perception led her to believe that a lot had happened between Bella and Edward, but true to her word, she never questioned them on it.

"He said he'll be by later to see her," Bella said.

Renee nodded but didn't comment on it.

"Before I forget, Bella, this came for you today." Renee held out an envelope which Bella took. With one glance to the front of the envelope, Bella knew what it was right away.

"Can you watch Alexis for me for a moment?" Bella asked Renee.

"Sure. She can be my taste tester."

Alexis grimaced slightly at that, and Bella shot her a sympathetic look before leaving.

Walking to her room, Bella closed the door quietly behind her. With Renee's help, she had been able to replace the furniture James had destroyed. After putting her bag down, she began opening the envelope with shaky fingers, pulling out each piece of paper. At the top written in bold captions were the words, "Superior Court of Washington, County of" and below that, "Petition for Dissolution of Marriage."

Just like with deciding to contact Renee, this was something that had been brewing in Bella's mind for a while now. She'd wanted to sign this ever since she had left Chicago four years ago, but she knew it was not possible. Not while she was hiding from Edward. Now that he'd found them and things were going okay, she was ready to fully dissolve any connection, other than Alexis, that she had to Edward. She was ready to let that part of her life go.

But she was afraid. She was afraid this could be the trigger that sent Edward back into his old ways. That was why she'd had the papers sent to the house. She was afraid that if somehow he saw her at the courthouse, he'd figure it out.

That wasn't the only reason why she was afraid. Passing her finger gently over the part of the document that asked about children, Bella's heart rate sped up when she thought about Alexis becoming even more involved in this. She knew, without a doubt, this would end up in court. If it did and Edward decided to challenge her for custody, she knew she wouldn't stand a chance. Money could make anything happen, and Edward had an abundance of money and influence.

This was one of those moments when the guilt would press its hand down on her. Time and time again, Bella blamed herself. Every time she thought of how badly all of this could end for Alexis, how Alexis could end up being hurt by all of it, it tore Bella apart. She often felt that if she hadn't been stupid enough to fall for Edward in the past, none of this would have happened. If she hadn't been so naive, Alexis would not have an unsure future ahead of her.

Returning the paper to the envelope, Bella tucked the envelope deep within the confines of the closet, but before she closed the door, her hand brushed against a flat, smooth surface. The texture of the object was different from the rough interior of the inside of the closet. Reaching in, she pulled out a small wooden box. The box itself was undistinguished. What was inside the box was what made her pause. Opening the lid, Bella quickly sifted through its contents to the bottom. There she found the ring Edward had given to her on their wedding day. Bella hadn't looked at it for quite some time. Whenever she felt the urge to take it out, her mind was quickly bombarded with memories of what it symbolized. Despite what the priest had said, to her, it symbolized obsession, possession and violence. Her finger passed gently over the inscription; the same inscription was engraved on Edward's.

Bella could never fully justify her reasons for keeping it. She knew, ever since she'd ran, that it was worth a lot, and a quick visit to the local pawn shops would have rid her of it and eased her financial burden, but she could never bring herself to do it. Partly because after she'd left, she didn't want any part of Edward paving the road for her and Alexis's future. She hadn't wanted anything to do with his money then, and she still didn't want anything to do with it now. Her other reason for holding onto it, for some reason unbeknownst to her, she couldn't part with it. She didn't know why, and she counted it as weakness on her part. She hated it. She hated that she couldn't part with the ring. She hated that she couldn't close the door firmly on her horrid past.

With a small sigh, Bella placed the ring gently back into the box and returned it to its place in the closet. When Bella walked back to the kitchen, she found Renee, Alexis and Edward. She hadn't heard him arrive. She stood for a moment in the doorway, undetected, watching him.

Despite it having been a while since he'd last put his hands on her, and he seemed to be doing a lot better, Bella still couldn't shake the unease she felt around him. Edward was fragile. She'd known that ever since they'd been in Florida. It wasn't until they were in Chicago that she realised the reason why. Despite the wealth, Edward had grown up in a horrible home, and he was the product of his environment. It was why she'd insisted he go to therapy. But that wasn't enough for her. She could never justify his actions enough to make her overlook what he'd done. Everyday was a constant reminder. Edward had hurt her, and he could do it again.

"Bella, you're just in time to try my first batch," Renee said when she'd spotted Bella lurking in the doorway. Even though her voice was nonchalant, Bella could see something brewing in Renee's eyes. It seemed while Bella had been watching Edward, Renee had been watching Bella.

Alexis was perched on Edward's lap, and as Bella made her way over, he gave her a small smile which she returned. Taking a chair from the dining room, Bella sat next to them by the kitchen table.

"Okay, take a taste," Renee said, sliding the plate of deformed cookies to her.

Bella grimaced as she looked at them. She was pretty sure that snickerdoodles were not supposed to look burnt.

"No, I'm good. Why don't they take the first taste?" Bella slid the plate in front of Edward and Alexis.

"No, we've already had our taste," Edward said.

"Hey, they aren't that bad," Renee tried to argue, but Bella could hear the slight laughter in her voice.

Even though Renee had stayed true to her word and not asked about what happened between Bella and Edward, Bella knew that her mother suspected something bad had happened. But Renee never let that influence how she got along with Edward. Whether it was because of Alexis or because she wasn't positive in her assumptions, Bella wasn't sure.

"They're hard," Alexis said, picking up one of the cookies from the plate and hitting it against the table. The snickerdoodle remained intact as it made impact on the counter.

"Okay, so maybe they are a little overdone," Renee amended.

"Overdone?" Bella and Edward asked in chorus.

"Okay, I burned them," Renee finally admitted. "Don't worry. The next batch will be better. Who wants to taste that one first?"

With one quick glance at each other, Edward and Bella headed for the door, leaving Alexis to play taste tester.

"Do you?" Bella heard Renee ask Alexis.

Her only response was Alexis running ahead of Bella and Edward out the front door.

"Everyone's a comedian," Bella heard Renee mutter under her breath.

Outside, while Alexis drew on the driveway with chalk that Renee had gotten her, Bella and Edward sat on the front step watching her.

"She's a very eccentric cook, your mother," Edward said.

"If by eccentric you mean horrible, then yes." They both laughed.

"What are you doing on Saturday?" Edward asked, suddenly.

Bella shrugged, unsure what his question pertained to. "Why?"

"Well, I know Alexis has been wanting to see that new animal movie, and I wanted to take her to see it. Both of you," Edward said. He sounded so hopeful. Bella was reminded again of his fragility. But fragile or not, now was not the time to be getting close to Edward, especially with the divorce papers burning a hole in her cupboard. But he looked at her with such endearment and intensity that Bella was again reminded of the Edward she'd known when they'd first began dating.

With a small sigh, Bella knew she needed to keep Edward at arm's length, not only for the sake of her sanity, but also for her heart. She knew she could not survive another heartbreak from Edward.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Bella told him. Trying to ignore the sadness in his eyes, she continued. "If you want, I can ask Renee to go with you and Alexis, but not with me."

"It's not a date or anything, I just wanted to take you both out for a change," Edward said, but Bella was already shaking her head. She knew and he knew that it was more than that. It was a way for him to try to make something between them, but the problem was, there would never be anything between them. Not so long as Bella held firm to her beliefs.

"She's your daughter," Bella said. "Build a relationship with her, not me."

Unable to stand the hurt in Edward's eyes, Bella went back into the house. Renee was still in the kitchen.

"Mom, can you keep an eye on Alexis for me?" Bella asked. Renee's eyes widened slightly at the look on Bella's face, and Bella could see the question forming on her lips, but before she could ask, she seemed to remember their agreement so she bit it down.

"Okay," Renee said with a sympathetic smile.

With what she hoped was a reassuring smile, Bella went into her room and shut the door. She wished that with the same firmness that she'd closed her door, she could close the door to Edward as well.

* * *

><p><strong>Reading over the reviews from the last chapter, I saw that there were some really good guesses regarding Esme. Some even got it right. I won't say who, but thank you to everyone for giving your input. Another thing I noticed was that no one has been able to guess which direction this story is headed. One of my main goals for this story is to make it as unpredictable as possible and it seems so far so good. My best advice is that while you're reading it, expect the unexpected, and try to give Edward the benefit of the doubt. He is trying. <strong>

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix****

**Special thanks to **BelleDuJour, ****Ajr818** and A is for Angel**


	15. Everything You Want

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"...our impulses are too strong for our judgement sometimes"<br>**

**- Thomas Hardy**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

**Everything You Want**

The sound of the front door closing behind her should not have affected Edward the way it did. The psychologist had predicted it. She had warned him that pursuing any type of relationship with Bella, beyond being parents to Alexis, would cause her to pull away, but Edward had ignored her advice and had taken the plunge. Now he wished he hadn't. Watching her walk away was like a stab to the heart. When she'd shut the door behind her, it was as though the knife was being twisted.

Alexis hadn't noticed Bella's departure, for which Edward was glad. He needed a moment to compose himself. Alexis didn't need to know of the problems between her parents. Edward buried his face in his hands. When the front door opened a few minutes later, he looked towards it. He thought that maybe Bella had changed her mind. He tried not to let his disappointment show when Renee came out instead. She gave him a small smile as she took Bella's spot next to him.

Renee sat silently, but Edward knew she had many questions. When he'd seen her the day after she'd come to Forks, she'd watched Edward like a hawk. She knew something had happened, but until Bella told her what, Renee would remain in the dark. Knowing that he was responsible for the dark circles under Bella's eyes and the pained look that often crossed her face when Renee looked at her. It was hard for Edward to look Renee in the eye knowing everything he had done to her daughter. But it was a deep guilt he knew he deserved.

"She looks a little like you," Renee said, indicating Alexis.

"I think more like Bella."

Renee chuckled. "If someone had told me that you two would be parents, I wouldn't have believed them."

"In all fairness, I wouldn't have believed them either."

Renee sighed. "Somehow, when she didn't come home that day, I knew you were involved, but I couldn't prove it of course."

Edward looked at her, expecting to see anger in her eyes, but Renee's expression remained blank. Her voice remained neutral. Edward didn't know how to respond.

"The police kept telling me that she'd run away. They told me to just 'get over it.' I refused to believe it. I know my daughter. I knew that she wouldn't just up and leave like that. Not without telling me goodbye first. I knew something bad had happened."

Edward sat there unsure of what to say. What Renee had said about the police telling her that Bella had run away didn't surprise him. They had been bought into silence long before Renee had gone to them.

Renee was silent for a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice shook slightly.

"When I saw her at the airport, I knew I was right. Whatever happened in the past, it was bad. I could see it in her eyes. These past four years, she's been through hell. She tries to hide it, but I know she's hurting more than she lets anyone know. What I don't understand is your part in all of this. I know you love her, and I know you love Alexis. Anyone can see it, and I knew it ever since you two started dating, but I also know love makes us do horrible things. Even to the people we care about."

Renee sighed.

"I want to help her, but I promised her I would not ask about what happened, and I intend to keep that promise. I can't lose her again, and if this is what I have to do, I'll do it. This is why I'm telling you instead," she said, turning to look Edward square in the eye. This time when she spoke, her voice no longer shook. It was as firm as her gaze. "If you hurt her or my granddaughter, I will kill you with my bare hands."

Edward couldn't deny Renee meant what she said, and he couldn't blame her. He knew that just how love made people do horrible things, grief was the same, and at that moment, Renee was a mother deep in grief.

"I know," Edward said. "I will hold you to your word. If I ever hurt Bella again, I hope you do give me your full wrath. It is what I deserve."

Renee's eyes cooled as she looked away from him. "Hurt her again," she said softly. She looked into the distance with a thoughtful expression, as if one of her questions had been answered.

That night after he'd left, Edward lay awake in bed as sleep evaded him. No matter how hard he tried, his mind refused to slow down, even for a moment. Not that sleep was any better. Edward hadn't had a proper night's sleep in four years, and he doubted that tonight would be any different. Especially with all that had happened.

The silence of the night was broken by his phone vibrating on the bedside table next to him. He couldn't help but groan. No doubt it was Esme, wanting to have the same old argument. He wasn't in the mood so he let it go to voicemail. After several buzzes, he waited to hear the familiar ding of a new voicemail, but it didn't come. Instead, the noise picked up again as the person called a second time. He still refused to pick it up. A few minutes later, it went on for a third and then a fourth. Finally, after the fifth consecutive ring, he picked it up and glanced at the caller I.D. It wasn't Esme's name that flashed across the screen. It was Carlisle's. Now Edward was confused. He hadn't spoken to Carlisle since he'd left Chicago, and he couldn't imagine why Carlisle was so persistent on communicating with Edward. No matter what the reason, Edward had no desire to talk to his father. Cutting all ties with Carlisle was the one area of Bella's compromise that he was more than happy to oblige.

Leaving the phone on the side table, Edward climbed out of bed and went to his piano. If sleep couldn't bring peace, he hoped music would. As he started playing, the music working to fill the void of the room, he thought about Bella. Even though he'd tried to make going to the movies seem like it was no big deal, to him it was. He so badly wanted to show her that he meant well. That he wasn't the same person he was in Chicago or Florida, but she never seemed to want to give him the chance. Still he couldn't blame her. After all he'd done to her, he knew he should be grateful for what he had, but Bella was like a drug to him. He had to have her. He had to be with her, and he was determined to keeping fighting for her. It was just one more chance he wanted. Just one more chance to prove to her that she could be happy with him.

He also thought about what Renee had said about Bella still hurting. He knew she was right. Bella was still suffering from all that had happened. That was why he tried to ease her burden where he could.

As the song he was playing merged from the bridge into the harmony, his thoughts drifted to his and Bella's wedding day. He knew that legally he and Bella were still married, as neither of them had filed for a divorce. It was selfish, and he hated himself for feeling that way, but he was glad. It was something else that tied him to Bella. Even though the marriage had been a means to an end to her, to him it meant much more.

* * *

><p><em>Through the glass window, Edward watched as the sun slowly began sinking. The change of light brought about a kaleidoscope of colours. The day had been filled with business meetings, propositions, investments and a constant presence of people. This was the first time all day that Edward had time to himself.<em>

_That was short-lived when a knock at the door interrupted his calm. Before Edward could answer, the door was thrown open and in walked Emmett. Edward's flustered assistant, Leah, stood behind him._

"_I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. He refused to wait while I notified you," she explained._

"_It's all right. Give us a moment," Edward said, waving her away._

_Emmett looked around as he walked in, and Leah walked out. He let out a loud whistle. "Well, look at you. You are looking quite the mogul. Impressive, considering you've only been at it a few days."_

"_Actually, I've been building it up for years."_

_It was true. The tricks and trades of running a successful business had been drilled into each of the Cullen boys when they were young, but unlike Emmett and Jasper, who showed no interest, Edward was the only one who took a liking to it. He got a particular thrill from learning about proper investments. It wasn't until he'd officially finished high school, and with some financial help from Esme, did he finally get to fully establish himself. Whereas most businessmen started from the bottom and built their way to the top, Edward hadn't needed all that time._

"_Nice view," Emmett said, glancing out the same window Edward had been looking through._

"_Emmett, I highly doubt you came all the way here to admire the scenery. What do you want?"_

"_What? I can't come and see how my little brother is doing?"_

_Edward just waited._

"_Okay then, I'm curious to know how married life is treating you."_

_Edward's heart seized at the reminder._

"_Harden yourself," his mind whispered. It was the only way to get through her betrayal._

_Out loud he said sarcastically, "Oh, it's been great."_

"_She's still fighting you, huh?"_

"_What do you think?"_

"_I don't get it, bro. Why don't you just get rid of her? You know there are a lot of girls out there who would bend over backwards to please you. Why are you so stuck on the one that hates your guts?"_

_Edward looked at Emmett in disgust. Emmett would never understand. He saw women as items— easily replaceable. He couldn't comprehend that when you loved someone as deeply and possessively as Edward did, you'd do whatever it takes to keep them with you forever. Even if it meant hurting them and yourself in the process. _

"_I'm not going to get rid of her," Edward said finally._

"_Whatever, dude. I just hope she's worth the headache."_

"_Why are you really here?" Edward asked again. Emmett was really beginning to get on his last nerve. _

"_I'm going out for a night on the town, and I wanted to know if you would like to join me."_

"_And by night out you mean strip clubs and banging your way through half of Chicago?" Edward asked to clarify._

"_Yeah," Emmett said, undisturbed._

"_Don't you ever feel bad for cheating on Rosalie?"_

_Emmett just rolled his eyes. "Nice. The woman beater is preaching to me about immorality," he said sarcastically._

_Edward's eyes narrowed._

_Realising he'd crossed a line, Emmett raised his hands in surrender and slowly began backing away to the door. "Looks like I've pushed your buttons enough for the day," he said with a laugh. "Good luck with the rebellious wife." Then he quickly ducked out the door just as Edward chucked a stapler at his head. It missed and landed with a thud on the carpet. Leah, upon hearing the noise, came into the room to investigate. "Is everything okay, Mr. Cullen?"_

"_Just peachy," he said roughly. "Have Dean bring the car around. I'm leaving for the day."_

_With a small nod, she left the room._

_The house was relatively quiet when Edward returned to the estate. He knew that only a few housekeepers would have remained to prepare dinner. He wondered what Bella had been doing all day._

"_Bella," he whispered softly to himself. The wounds reopened. _

_Try as hard as he could, Edward could not fully expel her from his mind. Every time he thought he'd managed it, painful memories of her kept creeping in. He still loved her. That would never change. He loved her so much, but he couldn't unharden himself around her. He had to keep the protective armour around his heart intact, or it would be ripped to shreds._

_Climbing out of the car and heading into the house, Edward found two of the maids in the kitchen already hard at work on dinner._

"_Good evening, Mr. Cullen," they said in union when they spotted him._

"_Good evening. Where is Bella?"_

"_I'm not sure," one of them replied. "We've been at the house all day. The last time I saw her she was headed across the lawn."_

_With a brief nod, Edward headed into the dining room, pulling off his jacket and tie as he went. He texted Adam, who was assigned to keep an eye on Bella that day, to tell her to join him for dinner._

_He was sitting at the dining table when she walked in. By the hard set of her eyes, he knew that her earlier animosity had not lessened._

"_What do you want?" she asked, standing in the doorway._

"_I want you to join me for dinner," he replied, working to keep the frustration out of his voice. Did she have to make everything a battle?_

"_Well, I want world peace and to go home," she replied hotly._

"_This is your home, so one out of two isn't bad. Now sit."_

_She didn't move._

_Edward took a deep breath. He knew that stubborn as she was, commanding Bella to do anything wouldn't get him anywhere, but he was tired of always knocking heads with her. He started to stand, but Bella, seeing the angry look on his face, held her hands up in surrender._

"_Okay, no need to blow a fuse," she said, taking the seat on the other side of the table. Right on cue, one of the maids walked in with a bottle of wine and two glasses. She poured it for the both of them before leaving again._

"_Where were you?" Edward asked as he took a sip of wine._

"_Down by housing."_

"_Housing?" Edward asked confused. "Why were you there?"_

"_It's the only place around here with civilized company. Besides, there's nothing else to do around here."_

"_If you're so bored, then you can spend time with Esme."_

_Bella flinched and then mumbled something._

"_What did you say?"_

"_I said I'd rather stare at the walls all day," she said loudly._

_Edward was disrupted from answering by both maids entering the room and placing dinner, which consisted of grilled potatoes and chicken with a lemon herb sauce, on the table._

"_Is there anything else you need?" one of them asked._

"_That is all," Edward said, wanting them out of the room. It didn't escape his notice that the women gave Bella a worried look before leaving the room, but he let it go, choosing to deal with his petulant wife first. It was silent while they ate. After the dishes had been cleared, they were left alone again. Neither of them wanted to be the first to leave. Edward, because he wanted to spend a little bit more time with Bella, and Bella, because she saw it as backing down to leave first. _

"_Isn't this what you always wanted?" Edward asked suddenly. "A chivalrous husband?"_

"_Didn't you hear?" Bella asked over her wine glass. "Chivalry is dead. It turned out to be an asshole who forces people to marry him."_

_Edward's eyes hardened for a moment and then cooled. He passed his finger over the tip of the glass as he spoke. "Is that so? If I remember clearly, you agreed wholeheartedly to marry me, and you seemed quite happy with it at first, but as I've learned from you, appearances can be deceitful."_

"_Deceit stems from betrayal," Bella answered with a shrug._

"_You betrayed your own heart."_

_Bella just laughed. "So it will always come back to me. I guess I'll be living in betrayal for a long time, because no matter what you do, I will not back down."_

"_It's the tree that bends that doesn't break," Edward pointed out._

"_Yeah, well, I'm not a tree so I don't see how that pertains to me."_

_Edward chuckled, then let out a frustrated sigh. "You are, as ever, frustrating."_

"_Old habits die hard. Besides, if I'm such a pain in the ass, you could always let me go. Cut your losses. Move onto the next one."_

_Edward smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. "As much as I sometimes wish it was, it is not that simple."_

_Bella looked at him confused, but Edward just shook his head. It seemed, just like with everyone else, she couldn't understand his love for her either. Glancing at his watch, Edward saw that it was already after eleven._

"_It's getting late. I have a meeting tomorrow, so we better go to bed."_

_Bella's eyes narrowed. "I'm not sleeping in the same room as you."_

"_And why the fuck not?"_

"_Because you are a pretentious asshole, and no matter how much you delude yourself, we are not a couple."_

_Edward closed his eyes in an attempt to calm down. "Do not fight me on this, Bella. I am not in the mood."_

"_I don't care what mood you are in. I am not sleeping in the same room as you."_

_Edward slammed his hand down in frustration and stood, knocking his chair over. On the other side of the table, Bella stood as well._

"_Why the fuck do you insist on fighting me on everything?" he yelled in anger. His anger went beyond her not wanting to sleep in the same room as him. _

"_Because you are an asshole, and no matter how much you delude yourself, I will never love you."_

_When Edward went around the table to grab her, Bella went the other way to avoid him._

"_It doesn't matter where you go. I will always find you," he assured her. _

_He darted around to the other side of the table, but Bella went the other way. Now she was where Edward had been sitting. Edward stood in front of the only door out of the room. They both noticed it at the same time._

"_You can't escape me," he said, backing away from the table until he was standing in the doorway. _

_He saw the fear rise in Bella's eyes. It might have affected him before, but in his hardened state, he didn't care. She would never escape him. Picking up the wine bottle, she threw it at his head. Edward had to duck to the side to avoid it hitting him so he didn't see when Bella picked up his wine glass and threw it at him. It collided with the side of his head and broke, causing shards to cut into his skin. Specks of blood began littering the carpet. Edward bent over, gripping his head in pain. Bella acted on this and dodged around him to the door. He felt her brush beside him and reaching out, he grabbed her arm and pinned her to the floor. She spat in his eye. _

_Edward was undeterred. Blood was running down the side of his face, but he didn't care. All he saw was the woman he loved refusing to be with him. He couldn't understand why she fought him so much. Neither Esme nor Rosalie were so unyielding. Why did she have to be?_

_Whatever her reason, it didn't matter. He hoped that over time, she would bend to him. _

* * *

><p>"How did it feel when she walked away?" Dr. Haner asked.<p>

A few weeks had passed since Edward had asked Bella to go to the movies, and even though the prospect of being with her again looked bleak, he still kept up his end of the deal. Partly because he was determined to do anything to please her, and partly because he was determined to do whatever it took to never be that monster again.

"It hurt," Edward answered. "A lot. I was upset with myself for not listening to you."

"But not with her?"

"No. Of couse not."

"How did you feel towards her then?"

"I felt horrible, but I hold no ill feelings against her. She had every right to reject me. I've hurt her so badly in the past, and she has every right to not trust me."

"Yes, that is good. The fact that you, not once, felt anger when she turned you down, shows that you are making strides."

"But not enough for her," Edward said quietly, but Dr. Haner heard him.

"Edward, you can't force someone to feel things," Dr. Haner said softly.

"I'm not trying to force her," Edward insisted. "I just want her to give me another chance so I can prove to her that I have changed. I want a chance to prove to her that I would never hurt her again."

"Isn't a good way to prove that by letting her go?"

Edward looked at her ridiculously. "It would be easier to cut off my own arm with a rusty saw. At least that pain would eventually fade."

"Just think about it for a second. I'm not saying you should leave. That's not possible with Alexis, but you've said that you aren't going to force Bella into anything, and you want to prove to her that you've changed. Think of it as the ultimate test, and who knows, maybe she'll come back."

"And if she doesn't come back?"

Dr. Haner had no answer to that.

After leaving the psychologist's office almost an hour later, Edward was getting into his car when his phone rang. He didn't recognize the number, but he answered it nevertheless.

"Hello?"

Carlisle's smug voice came through the phone. "So it took me getting a new number to finally get you to answer."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "I don't have time for this." His thumb went towards the end button on his phone.

"Wait!" Carlisle's voice shouted through it. "This is important." Edward exhaled loudly.

"What do you want?" he said, putting the phone back to his ear. This was the first time Edward had spoken to Carlisle since he'd left Chicago, and the fact that his father had gone through such lengths just to contact him peaked Edward's interests.

"I just wanted to offer my congratulations," Carlisle said.

"For what?"

"My wife tells me that you're a father. The congratulation is three years overdue but nevertheless."

Edward knew the congratulations wasn't genuine, so his voice was weary when he replied. "Thank you."

"Considering how much you both fought, how you managed to knock her up is beyond me. Did you have to drug her or something?"

"Fuck you, Carlisle."

Carlisle just laughed. "But Esme tells me you don't want her to meet your daughter."

"Esme does not want to meet her. She wants to kidnap her."

"So? I'm sure she's better off raised here than in some back country town."

"She's better off raised with wolves than raised anywhere near you."

"Ouch that hurt."

"Is that why you called?" Edward demanded. "To plead Esme's case?"

"Of course not. I could care less about what Esme wants. My real reason for calling is to know why you pulled out of our arrangement. I thought we were in on this together."

"I never agreed to it."

"Why are you turning back on this now?" Carlisle hissed, frustration evident in his voice. "I already spoke to the Alexandrov Bratva, and they agreed to help us."

"I am not having any part of it, Carlisle. If you want to make a deal with the devil then that is your business, not mine."

Carlisle was silent for a moment. "You were fine with it up until you found Bella. You owe me for helping you track her down."

"I don't owe you anything," Edward snapped. "And this conversation is over. If you want to get involved with them then fine, but don't expect me to help bail you out when it goes bad."

Then, pressing the end button, he hung up on Carlisle.

Edward passed his hand through his hair in frustration. It was one family debacle after another.

He knew Alexis and Bella would be home, so he was in a hurry to get back to Forks. Bella was not outside when pulled up in front of the house. Only Alexis and Renee were there. Her truck was parked in the driveway, showing that she was home. It didn't surprise Edward that she was nowhere in sight. Since he'd asked her to the movies, she'd gone to great lengths to avoid him. Unless it was concerning Alexis, she never spoke to him, and when he tried to initiate a conversation, she was quick to end it.

"Daddy!" Alexis yelled, jumping off the front step and running to Edward. Edward was glad that at least she was glad to see him. "The chain on my bike came off," she said, taking his hand and pulling him to where the item in question was laying on its side.

Renee, who was busy pruning a small bed of flowers next to the house, waved to Edward when she saw him.

Alexis pulled him down beside the bicycle. "Can you fix it?" she asked.

The chain had indeed come off, but Edward was at a loss as to how to fix it. Not wanting to disappoint Alexis, he passed his fingers over the chain, trying to determine the problem. It seemed that the chain had just come out of the sprocket. He remembered that a chain tool had come with the bike, and it had been left at Bella's house.

"Go and ask your mother for the chain tool that came with the bike," he told her.

Alexis nodded and headed inside. A few minutes later she came back with the tool and the manual that had come with the bike in hand.

"Mommy said you might need this," she said, handing him the manual. Edward chuckled. He knew Bella was well aware how out of his league he was when it came to these kinds of things. The manual was a huge help, so with Alexis next to him, he began working.

Without needing prompting, Alexis told him all about her day. What she'd done, who she'd seen and what happened in school.

Edward was in the process of threading the chain over the front and back gears when Alexis asked, "Can we go to the zoo? I want to see the real animals from the movie Mommy and I saw."

"Okay," Edward said mechanically, but then what she said began sinking in and he paused. "When did you go to the movies with Mommy?"

"Saturday," Alexis answered, unaware of the affect her words were having on her father. She passed her hand over the handlebars as she spoke. "Drayven was there," she added excitedly.

"Oh," Edward said. "Your mom took you and a friend to the movies."

He tried not to let his hurt show.

"No, it was me, Mommy, Drayven and Drayven's daddy, Sebastian," she said.

Edward froze at her words. "Was anyone else with you?" he asked.

Alexis shook her head. The despair came in waves, and the jealousy right along with it, but none of it compared to the hurt. Knowing Bella had denied him a chance to spend time with his wife and child but had granted it to another tore him apart. He worked to keep his face as smooth as possible. He didn't want Alexis or Renee to become suspicious.

Slowly he began to reason it out. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just an innocent outing. Surely it wasn't what he thought it meant.

"Did you see Drayven and his father after that?" Edward asked.

Alexis thought for a moment. "Yesterday we went to their house."

"I'll be right back," Edward told her as he stood.

"Can you watch her for a moment?" he asked Renee.

Renee, who had not been listening to their conversation and didn't notice the change in Edward's demeanour, agreed.

Edward knew that jealousy and anger ruled his emotions when he walked into the house to find Bella, but he wasn't about to let some other guy move in on _his_ Bella. He was angry, and at that moment, he felt he had every right to be. They were still married, and if Bella began seeing someone else, it would ruin his plans of getting her back, but he hadn't gone into that room with the intention of hurting her, only to plead with her somehow. He'd promised himself that he would never hurt her again, and he was determined to keep that promise.

He was still seeing red when he turned the corner into the kitchen. She was sitting by the table, a tattered book in hand. She was facing him, but she didn't notice when he walked in. That gave him time to pause and really observe her.

In that moment, all the memories of when he'd hurt her came swarming back, and the rage inside of him cooled. She looked so fragile. Guilt, regret and sorrow took its place. He had no right to want her, and no right to think that he was better for her than Sebastian. Any man deserved her more than he did. They would never hurt her like he did.

Bella seemed to sense him in the room, and she looked up in surprise. "Edward? What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," Edward said with a small smile. "I just wanted to thank you for sending out the manual. It was a great help."

"You're welcome," she said, but she didn't buy his explanation. She knew something was amiss.

Unable to face her for long, Edward left the room. Out in the hallway, he paused out of her view to regain his thoughts. He hated that he couldn't even question her on what was going on between her and Sebastian. He had no right to know. Other than Alexis and their marriage, he had no right to her. Taking a deep breath, he held firmly onto those two strings. As long as he had them, he believed that there was still a chance with Bella.

But one thing Edward knew for sure. He now had competition.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>I am continuously blown away by the response to this story, and I'm sorry if I haven't replied to some of you. I am grateful to everyone who has taken the time to read, review, favourite and story alert.<br>****

****Some really great guesses have been made, and some have been really close. Don't count out a HEA. Angst just means it will be a long and bumpy road before any kind of resolution can be made. It is going to be a journey, and I appreciate everyone for taking it with me.  
><strong>**

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix****

**Special thanks to **Ajr818** and ****BelleDuJour.****  
><strong>


	16. Lullaby

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter brings up the topic of abortion. I just wanted to put everyone on their guard, because I know it is a touchy subject for some. If you prefer not to read it then you can either skip the flashback or the whole chapter.<br>**

* * *

><p><strong>"Love changes what is probable and makes unlikely things possible." <strong>

**- Ally Condie**

**Chapter 15**

**Lullaby**

The sound of children greeting their parents surrounded Bella when she walked into Alexis's dance class. She'd originally intended to stay in the waiting area until the hour long class was finished, but she'd never been comfortable around other parents.

"Mommy!" Alexis said, as ever enthused by seeing Bella.

"Lexie," Bella said with just as much enthusiasm. "How was class?"

"Good. We learned a new dance move."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I can't wait to show it to Grandma and Daddy."

Bella couldn't help but wince slightly at the reminder of Edward. "Well, Grandma is doing some painting at the house so we have to stay out of it for a while." Bella had tried not to blanch in horror when Renee had informed her that she would be painting the kitchen today. Along with baking, interior decorating was not Renee's forte. It wouldn't surprise Bella if she came home to a kitchen painted hot pink.

"Can we go to the movies?" Alexis asked as they made their way to Bella's truck. Bella hesitated for a moment. It wasn't that she didn't want to take Alexis to the movies; it was just that it reminded her of the hurt look that had been on Edward's face when she'd turned him down. She hadn't been able to forget, nor had she been able to shake, the guilt she felt.

"Distance," she whispered to herself as she buckled Alexis into her car seat. Now was not the time to feel guilty about anything when it came to Edward. Guilt made people make rash decisions. Decisions they ended up regretting. It was still early in the day, and Edward didn't usually arrive until late afternoon, even on weekends, so they had some time before he was expected.

"Okay, we can go," Bella said as she got into the driver's side.

It was still early in the day, so the theatre in Port Angeles was scarce.

"So which one do you want to see?" They were standing on the sidewalk looking at the movie posters. With only two kid-friendly movies showing, they didn't have a lot of options.

"Ummm," Alexis said while looking up at them. Then Bella heard a voice call from behind her.

"Bella!"

Turning, she saw Sebastian and his son making their way towards them. He smiled at Bella while both children greeted each other.

"Funny running into you here," Sebastian said. Bella couldn't help but smile in response. Sebastian had such an easy going way about him that was irresistible.

"I could say the same thing," Bella said.

"What movie are you both going to see?"

"Haven't decided."

"Can we see the animal movie?" Drayven asked.

"Yeah, the one with the lion and zebra," Alexis added.

Sebastian looked at Bella. "Sure," Bella said with a shrug.

Unsurprisingly, the theatre was filled with children and their parents. Alexis and Drayven occupied two seats in between Bella and Sebastian so they didn't get to speak again until the end of the movie.

After it ended, Sebastian and Bella walked a few steps behind Drayven and Alexis as they made their way out.

"I don't know about you, but I hate family movies," Sebastian admitted.

"What? You don't buy the general premise that animals can talk?" Bella asked. They both laughed.

In the brief time that Bella had gotten to know him, she found that Sebastian was a really nice person. Aside from being charming and sweet, they had a lot in common. The fact that their kids got along so well was an added bonus.

"Well, at least they had fun," Sebastian said, indicating to where Alexis and Drayven stood chatting about the movie. "We should do this again some time. It was fun."

"Yeah, it was," Bella said. A pair of hurt green eyes crossed her mind and soured her mood slightly. Sebastian didn't notice.

"Well, we do still have that project to work on. We might as well get started or the deadline is going to catch up with us," Sebastian said.

"True. When would you like to get together?"

"Well, would you like to come over on Tuesday to work on it?"

Bella hesitated before she answered. For some reason the thought of being over at Sebastian's house made her slightly nervous, but she didn't know why.

"Sure," she said. "I'll have to bring Alexis, though."

Sebastian seemed unfazed by this.

"Perfect. See you Tuesday at three."

Then with one last wave, he and Drayven headed in the opposite direction towards their car.

"So, what did you two do?" Renee asked when Bella and Alexis walked into the house an hour later. Bella was pleased to find that the kitchen wasn't hot pink or any other ridiculous colour. Renee had opted to paint it a light pastel blue instead.

"We went to the movies!" Alexis announced. She was as ever excited to tell her grandmother all about her day. "And Drayven and his daddy were there."

Renee looked at Bella with raised eyebrows as she answered Alexis. "Really?"

Alexis nodded.

"Was it planned?" Renee asked.

"No. We ran into them there." Bella shrugged. "Why?"

"Just asking."

A few days later, while Edward was spending time with Alexis outside, Bella opted to stay indoors in an attempt to avoid him. She didn't want Edward to get the idea that there could ever be more between them.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Bella preferred to submerge herself in 19th century Britain than face Edward. So engrossed in her book, she didn't notice when Edward walked in. She looked up in surprise. His expression immediately put her on edge.

"Edward? What's wrong?" she asked.

He seemed to be having some internal struggle. "Nothing," he said after a moment. "I just wanted to thank you for sending out the manual. It was a great help."

"You're welcome," she said, unconvinced. Then he turned abruptly and walked out of the kitchen.

"That was odd," Bella said quietly to herself. "Even for him."

Seeing Edward reminded Bella of something she had wanted to discuss with him. Getting up from her chair, she went outside. Alexis was helping Renee with her flowers. This was good because Bella didn't want her to overhear what she wanted to ask Edward. She sat next to him on the step where he was busy reattaching the chain on Alexis's bike.

"What are you doing next weekend?" she asked him.

Edward looked up in surprise. "I don't have anything specific planned. Why?"

"Alexis's birthday is coming up, and I was wondering if there was anything you had planned for her."

"I hadn't really thought about it," Edward admitted. "What are your plans?"

"Well, it's a Saturday, and she's been asking to go to the zoo for a while, so I figured I'd take her there." Bella paused. "If you're not doing anything, you're welcome to join us."

She was doing it for Alexis, not him. Bella knew it would make Alexis happy to have both parents there to celebrate her birthday. It wasn't a decision she had made easily.

Edward's eyes brightened and he smiled slightly. Bella was slightly taken aback by his reaction. She hadn't realised how much something like this would mean to him.

"Okay," he said.

"The closest zoo to here is all the way in Tacoma. Do you have to work that weekend?"

"Nothing I can't reschedule," Edward reassured her quickly.

Bella nodded and then stood to leave. "This doesn't change anything," Bella said.

Edward's smile fell slightly. "I know."

Bella turned to walk back inside.

"Bella," Edward said quietly.

She looked back at him.

"Thanks." His green eyes and smile were warm. It reminded Bella of the Edward he was when she'd first met him in Florida. Her chest ached. She nodded in response, silently hoping that she wasn't making a mistake.

* * *

><p>"<em>Ugh," Bella groaned from her place on the bathroom floor. It was a little over a month since she and Edward had been married, and for the past week, Bella had been fighting a terrible stomach bug. Besides her ragged breathing, the only sound in the bathroom was the toilet bowl refilling. She'd been there for almost an hour while her stomach emptied its contents into the toilet bowl. It was just after noon, and Edward was at work. After flushing the toilet one last time, Bella stood to rinse her mouth and brush her teeth. After passing a wet hand over her face, she looked into the mirror and regarded herself. She looked slightly pale, and there were bruises decorating her neck and arms. The sight of them was becoming all too familiar.<em>

_The house was its usual busy self when Bella left the bathroom. Eyrn would be finished with her shift, so not wanting to stay in the house, she went down to housing to see her. During the past several weeks, Eyrn and Mrs. Miller were the only light in the constant darkness that seemed to surround Bella. She was grateful for their presence, but she still yearned for her old life._

_While crossing the yard, Bella felt the familiar presence of one of Edward's security behind her. She ignored him and continued on her way. She found Eryn by the kitchen table. Her head was bent over a stack of books. At first, Bella couldn't help but be slightly envious by it. If it hadn't been for Edward, she would be in college by now._

_Eyrn glanced up at Bella and gave her a small smile. "How are you feeling?" Eyrn knew Bella had been ill for the past week._

_Bella shrugged. "I feel like crap, and my nightly fights with Edward aren't making it better."_

"_Maybe you should tell him," Eyrn suggested. "You might need to see a doctor."_

_Bella just shook her head. "No. It's probably just all the stress or a stomach bug. I'm sure I'll be fine soon enough."_

_Eyrn nodded, but she didn't look reassured._

"_What are you doing?" Bella asked, indicating to the books in front of Eyrn._

"_I'm working on my thesis for class." Eyrn held up the book she had been writing in. "The rest of my group fell off the face of the earth so it's just me doing all the work."_

"_Would you like lunch now, Bella?" Mrs. Miller asked, wiping her hand on her apron as she walked into the kitchen._

"_Yes, thank you." Now that her stomach had finally settled, she was beginning to realise how empty it was. "I can do it," Bella said as Mrs. Miller began moving about the kitchen. She still wasn't use to having help at her beck and call._

"_No, I can. You relax. I know you've been ill as of late."_

_Bella gave her a small smile. Mrs. Miller had taken on a sort of grandmother role to Eyrn and Bella, and Bella appreciated the gesture._

_While Mrs. Miller was placing a plate of mushroom ravioli in front of her, the guard who had followed her to housing walked in._

_He sent a brief nod to Eyrn and Mrs. Miller before turning to Bella._

"_Mrs. Cullen, Mr. Cullen has asked me to inform you that the two of you will be attending a small family dinner at Mr. and Mrs. Carlisle Cullen tonight. He says that you are to be dressed by the time he arrives home."_

_Then sensing that Bella was about to argue, the man quickly left the room and returned to his post outside the front door._

_Bella groaned. "A dinner at Carlisle and Esme's? That is sure to end in disaster. To make matters worse, it's a family dinner. That means Rosalie will probably be there. A perfect opportunity for Esme to make her comparative jabs."_

"_Does Edward know what Esme tells you?" Eyrn asked as Bella began eating. She hadn't realised how hungry she was until then. It was odd, but she attributed it to being ill._

_Bella shook her head in response to Eryn's question._

"_Why don't you tell him?"_

"_Why should I? It's not like it would matter. What makes what she does so different from what he does?"_

"_True," Eyrn admitted. "But maybe he'll ease up, or at least not force you to interact with her."_

"_Maybe, but I doubt it." Bella sighed. "I don't understand why Esme is even with Carlisle. He treats her just as badly as Edward treats me, but she seems to just take it."_

"_Maybe, just like you, she can't leave," Eyrn said._

"_Actually, she can," Mrs. Miller said suddenly. She'd been so quiet in the background that Bella had almost forgotten she was there. "She has the money to leave. Her parents are rich from oil, but she chooses to stay with Carlisle, even though she knows he is unfaithful and he treats her so horribly. He keeps her around for appearances. If she wanted to leave, he wouldn't look her way again."_

"_But then why stay?" Eyrn asked."Why not leave?"_

_Mrs. Miller frowned. "I have no idea. She did once when the boys were young. She left them behind and ran."_

"_Why would she leave them with an abusive father if she could take them?" Bella asked. She couldn't fathom how a mother would willingly leave her children in a dangerous situation to save herself._

"_I don't know what her reasoning was for leaving them behind, but she returned eventually. Carlisle hadn't even wanted the boys. He had someone track Esme down to hand them over, but she'd returned before that could happen."_

"_Does Edward know that she ran?" Bella asked._

"_No. He was only two when it happened. Emmett and Jasper were more aware of what went on. That's why they've always had a strained relationship with her," Mrs. Miller said._

_Bella was quiet for a moment as she pondered this. "She's even crazier than I thought," she said as she moved the last ravioli around the plate. She couldn't help but feel slightly sorry for Edward, but it wasn't enough for her to overlook what he'd done._

_When Bella left housing an hour before Edward was set to arrive home, her mind was still buzzing from what Mrs. Miller had told her. She always knew Esme was crazy, but crazy enough to willingly stay with a man who abused her? Bella couldn't understand._

_The closet was well-stocked with clothes for her, so it wasn't hard choosing a dress for the evening. It was while she was looking for a pair of heels to go with the dress that Bella felt the familiar twist in her stomach. Putting her hand over her mouth, she barely made it to the toilet before her lunch came up._

_Bella groaned again. She'd never been one to do sick very well, and she hoped that whatever it was would go away soon. While rinsing out her mouth, she heard the familiar sound of footsteps outside the bathroom door._

_Edward's voice came from the other side. "Are you ready?"_

"_Almost," she shouted back._

"_I thought I said for you to be ready by the time I got here." She could already hear the anger in his voice, but she was not in the mood._

"_Give me a break. I said I'll be ready soon." After brushing her teeth, she opened the door to find Edward standing just outside. He was still in his work clothes, minus the jacket and tie. Even in her sick state and him being the source of her pain, she couldn't help her eyes from lingering on him. He was still handsome. She just wished he had a personality to match._

"_Are you okay?" he asked. She knew her face looked slightly pale, but not wanting Edward to see it as a sign of weakness, she brushed it off._

"_I'm fine," she snapped, walking past him into the bedroom._

"_What's your problem?" _

_She gave him a disgusted look before pulling out from the closet a pair of heels that matched the dress. After putting them on, she looked up to find Edward watching her._

"_What?" she demanded. She was feeling on edge._

_He sighed. "Nothing. Let's go."_

_The car ride to Carlisle and Esme's was quiet. For the first time, Edward was driving, but behind them was the usual SUV with security. Bella couldn't help but glance at Edward every few minutes. Thoughts of what Mrs. Miller had said kept drifting through her mind._

_When Edward pulled up in front of Carlisle and Esme's house, they saw Emmett and Rosalie coming out from their car. Edward pulled up alongside them._

"_Hey, bro. Bella," Emmett said when they came out._

"_Emmett," Edward answered back while the women greeted each other with a small wave._

"_Surprised to see you here, Bella," Emmett said mockingly. "Jasper and I were sure that Edward would have to pry you out with the Jaws of Life to get you to come." He smiled while Edward narrowed his eyes. Emmett shrugged, then he and Rosalie walked up the steps and entered the house. Bella remained at her spot by the car, unsure if she could face Esme again. The last few times Bella had seen her mother-in-law had ended with her in tears, so she doubted this one would be any different._

_Edward came up beside her. "Are you okay?" he asked again._

"_I'm fine." She was getting tired of people asking her that. Pushing past him, she walked up the stairs to the house._

_The mansion was just as extravagant on the inside as it was on the outside. It was similar to Edward and Bella's, except Esme opted for a more transitional style. Carlisle and Esme were speaking with Emmett and Rosalie when she walked in. She could sense Edward right behind her._

_Esme's glance first went to Edward and then it hardened slightly as it landed on Bella, but when she spoke, her voice masked her feelings._

"_Edward, Bella," she said as she came forward to embrace them both._

"_Aww, Bella, you look slightly pale. Are you all right?" Esme asked._

"_I'm okay." Bella's voice was soft. She didn't believe Esme's sincerity for one second._

"_Where are Jasper and Alice?" Edward asked._

"_Alice had to have her stomach pumped again, so they won't be joining us. It will just be the six of us."_

_Just then, one of the housekeepers walked in. "Dinner is ready," she said._

"_Come," Esme said, motioning for everyone to follow her into the dining room._

_Carlisle happened to be going through the doorway at the same time as Bella. She froze at the sight of him. Even though her interactions with Carlisle were not as bad as they were with Esme, something about him still put Bella on edge. She was afraid of him. If he noticed her reaction, he didn't comment on it._

"_Don't worry. He scares me, too," Rosalie whispered from behind Bella._

_Bella smiled slightly._

_Edward took the seat next to Bella after they sat down._

"_Are you sure you're okay?" Edward asked. His voice, for once, was filled with concern._

"_I'm okay," Bella said softly._

"_Wine, Mrs. Cullen?" one of the maids asked her. There were a few other maids around the table catering to the other Cullens._

"_Yes, thank you." She poured it and then moved on._

_As the first course of miso glazed salmon was served, the men began talking about Emmett's recent draft into the NFL. Esme and Rosalie were discussing an upcoming shopping trip. Bella was trying to fight the nauseous feeling that suddenly came at the sight of the food. Not wanting to bring attention to herself, she ate as much as she could._

_Rosalie did her best to include Bella in the conversation. Esme seemed to have no desire to. Bella was more than relieved when the maids returned and took dinner away. She'd barely eaten half of it._

"_Aren't you hungry?" Edward whispered to her as dessert of vanilla bean creme brulee was placed in front of them._

_Bella ignored his question and began eating the dessert. It was a lot easier on her stomach than the entree, but she was sure she'd just end up bringing it all back up later._

_It was while she was eating that she noticed something disturbing about everyone around the table. All the women had bruises and marks on them, including her, and all of them were sitting next to the person who put them there. It wasn't just Esme who was messed up. It seemed Edward's entire family was._

_After dinner, everyone went out onto the terrace for one last drink of wine. While Carlisle and Emmett stood talking on one side, Esme and Rosalie were speaking on the other. Edward and Bella stood a little way from the group conversing on their own._

"_I know you are not okay," Edward said. "What I don't get is why you won't tell me what the problem is."_

"_Maybe it's because I know you wouldn't care," Bella said._

_Edward frowned. "Why would you think that?"_

"_Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's because you're an unfeeling bastard who doesn't give two shits about me so long as you can live your fantasy life."_

_Edward took her chin between his long fingers. "Is that what you think? That I don't care about you?"_

"_That's what I know," Bella said, tugging her face out of his grip. She saw that Esme was watching them from the other side of the terrace._

"_You're wrong," Edward said quietly. "You're the only person I ever cared so deeply for."_

_Bella looked at him in disbelief. She refused to buy his crap._

_Carlisle came up to them then. Bella couldn't help but shrink slightly away at the sight of her father-in-law._

"_Edward, care to join me in my office? There is something I want to discuss with you," he said._

"_Okay, I'll be there shortly."_

_Carlisle turned and returned inside._

"_I'll be back soon," Edward said. Then he pressed a brief kiss to her lips before she could respond. "And I meant what I said."_

_Then he went through the same door Carlisle had gone through. Emmett followed after him._

_When they were gone, Rosalie came and stood beside Bella. "Are you sure you're okay? You look a little pale," she asked politely._

_Before Bella could respond, she was interrupted by Esme._

"_I can't believe Edward actually got you here," Esme said with a sneer. "From what I've heard, you've been causing quite a ruckus at Edward's house. Actually, I'm more surprised he hasn't tossed you out by now."_

_Bella didn't know how to respond to that, and even if she did, she knew better than to voice her opinions at Esme._

"_I'm hoping this trailer trash wife is just a phase, and Edward will let you return to whatever washed up area you came from." Esme laughed at her own joke._

"_Esme, how is the redecorating going?" Rosalie asked in an attempt to steer the conversation away from Bella. Bella appreciated the gesture, but it seemed Esme could not be stopped._

"_It's going well," she answered Rosalie. Then, turning to Bella, she said, "I just wish my son had at least made you sign a prenup before marrying you. He's on his way to dominating the Chicago business sector, and the last thing he needs is a tramp wearing him down."_

_Unable to stand it anymore, Bella left the terrace. Just because she couldn't say anything back didn't mean she had to take Esme's verbal abuse. She really wished that whatever Edward was doing, he would hurry up so they could leave. She was fighting tears, and the last thing she wanted was for them to spill while in the enemy's lair._

_Bella wandered aimlessly through the hallways, trying to pass the time. She had to admit, for a spiteful cow, Esme did have a gift for interior design. As she passed down another hallway, she noticed that one of the doors to her left was slightly ajar. The sight of rows and rows of books caught her eye. Pushing the door open, she found herself standing inside of a library. Books of all shapes, sizes and colours lined the walls. In the center was an armchair and against one wall was a fireplace. Inspecting the spines, Bella saw that the types of books were of different genres. She briefly wondered if they were there for decoration or if someone in the house actually read them. Either way, she envied it. The house she shared with Edward didn't have a library._

_So engrossed was she in the books that she didn't hear someone enter behind her. It wasn't until he moved into her peripheral vision that Bella noticed Edward behind her._

"_Figures you would be here," he said lightly._

_Bella didn't answer._

"_If you want, I can have a library installed in the house," he said, trying to get a reaction out of her. It worked._

"_A bookshelf isn't going to make things better, Edward. I want to go home." Then pushing past him, she made her way to the front door. She handed her empty wine glass to one of the maids on her way out, and without waiting to see if Edward was behind her or not, she walked out of the house._

_Leaning against the side of Edward's car, Bella closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh Chicago air. She didn't like it. She yearned for Florida. Opening the car door, she climbed into the passenger seat and waited._

_A few minutes later, Edward entered. She didn't look at him as he started the car and pulled out from in front of the house. The ride back to the house was quiet, and when they arrived outside their house, Bella didn't wait for Edward to turn off the engine before she got out._

_Walking into the house, she slammed the door as she went. She heard it reopen as Edward entered behind her. "What is your problem?" he demanded._

"_My problem? Where do I begin?" she yelled as she made her way up the stairs. Edward was a few steps behind._

"_Let's start with tonight. My family is trying to welcome you, and you keep rejecting it."_

"_Oh, I'm sorry if I don't want to be part of your crazy-assed family."_

"_I could go without the sarcasm, Bella." Edward's eyes hardened._

"_It wasn't sarcasm, Edward. It was the truth." They were halfway up the stairs now. Bella had been heading towards the master bathroom, but wanting to get as far away from Edward as possible, she turned to head back down the stairs to use one of the smaller ones._

_Edward reached out to keep her from getting away. Bella moved again to pull away from his grip, but during the struggle, she lost her footing and fell down the rest of the stairs. Edward had reached out to grab her, but she didn't notice. She hit the floor below hard. Pain shot through her head where it hit the hardwood._

"_Bella!" Edward yelled, as he hurried down to her. He looked at her with fearful eyes. "Are you all right?" he asked, reaching forward to help her._

"_Leave me alone," she yelled, slapping his hand away. The nausea had returned and that coupled with her headache, she was in no mood to tolerate Edward. Wanting to get away from him, she stood and headed up the stairs. She didn't look back to see if he had followed._

_The master bathroom was the only bathroom in the house that held painkillers and that was Bella's aim as she began rummaging in the cabinet beneath the sink. She'd been sure to lock the door before beginning her search. As she began moving articles out of the way to search the back of the cupboard, her hand passed over a small blue box. Her hand froze in its movement. So did her breathing._

_Then she began counting. Once, twice and three times. Over and over she counted, not wanting to believe. Not wanting to believe that life had dealt her another difficult hand._

"_Bella?" she heard Edward call from the other side of the door, but she was frozen in her spot as she counted again for the sixth time._

"_Bella?" he called again more loudly. Still she couldn't bring herself to answer._

"_Bella, open the damn door," Edward yelled as he pounded against the wood. That snapped her out of her thoughts. Abandoning her search, she threw the door open in anger._

"_What?" she yelled. "Not done yet? Want to throw me down the full flight of stairs?"_

"_Shit," Edward said, as he spotted something on her neck. Touching the back of her neck, Bella felt something wet beneath her fingers. Pulling her hand away, she saw that her fingers were crimson. Edward darted into the bathroom and grabbed a towel. He pressed it against her head to stop the bleeding._

"_I need to get you to the hospital," he said, tugging at her arm to lead her down the stairs. She let him, but when they reached the last step, she froze._

"_No, wait. I don't want to go to the hospital," she said. Hospital meant questions. Questions meant Edward finding out she was pregnant. She knew she was carrying Edward's baby inside of her. She also knew that it was crucial that she not let Edward know. She didn't know why. All she knew was that if he knew, it would end badly._

"_Please don't make me go," she begged._

_Edward blinked at her. Pulling the towel away from her head, he seemed to be inspecting the cut. "It isn't shallow, just a small cut, so you won't need stitches. You might have a concussion. I need to know that you will be okay."_

"_Please?" Bella asked softly, reaching out and taking his hand between hers. "I don't want to go to the hospital."_

"_I'll call in a favour to Esme's doctor and see if she can make a house call."_

_He led her to the island in the kitchen while he made a call. Twenty minutes later, Dr. Sanders arrived. After doing a few tests, she assured Edward that Bella would be fine. She didn't have a concussion, and Dr. Sanders prescribed two aspirins for the headache. Bella didn't mention being pregnant._

_After Dr. Sanders had left, Edward handed her the two tablets he'd gotten from the medicine cabinet. Then picking up the bloody towels, he carried them to the laundry room._

_Bella looked at the tiny tablets in her hand. Were they safe to take while pregnant? She didn't know. Her high school biology didn't cover pregnancy 101._

_Getting up from the chair, she washed both pills down the drain._

_That night was the hardest night of Bella's life. Even harder than when she was being kept prisoner. She hadn't even fought Edward about her sleeping next to him. Her mind was too preoccupied with more serious matters to be trumped by such a trivial thing. She was facing away from him on the bed, choosing to stare out the opposite window instead. Edward was fast asleep next to her._

_At first she tried to deny it to herself. She couldn't be pregnant. She was overreacting. She counted again for good measure, but it was no use. She was late. Even the nausea was now explained. Pregnant. She couldn't believe it. Hadn't she been handed enough already?_

_She briefly wondered how Edward would react if she told him, and she shuddered from the thought. He would probably be angry. Carlisle didn't want his children; who's to say Edward would be any different?_

_Then her thoughts took a darker turn. Surely she couldn't keep it. No. It would be cruel to bring a child into a life like this. It would be more merciful to end it now. Tears began running down her face. For some reason the thought of ending the pregnancy pained her, and she didn't know why. Being a mother was never something she wanted. She had never been one to envision parenthood as most women did, but now that she was in this position, she felt different. It was like being given a wonderful gift she'd never thought to ask for, then being told she had to give it back after she'd become attached to it. Bella wanted the baby, but she felt it was selfish to want it. Wanting it would be risking it being harmed by either Edward or his family._

_Edward moved slightly beside her but didn't wake up. Bella turned so she was now facing him. His features looked so calm. A huge contrast to the monster who'd beaten her over the last few weeks. She couldn't help but reach out and touch the side of his face. It wasn't until he began to relax into her touch that Bella realised he'd been slightly tense._

* * *

><p>On the morning of Alexis's birthday, a knocking on the front door woke Bella up. She heard the sound of footsteps outside her door, then the sound of the front door opening. Then she heard Renee speaking to whoever it was in hushed tones. A few minutes later the door closed, but Renee didn't return to her room.<p>

Now fully awake, Bella went out to see who it was. She found Renee by the kitchen table, a large box in hand.

"Oh, Bella, this was delivered for Alexis," Renee said, resting the box on the kitchen table. The box was wrapped in pink gift paper and adorned with a pink bow.

"Does it say who it is from?" Bella asked. She didn't know anyone who would send a birthday gift to Alexis. Everyone who knew her lived in the area and would have just dropped it by.

"It came with a card." Renee placed the envelope on the box. "But on the card it says Alexis Cullen. I thought her last name was Swan?"

"It is," Bella said, reaching for the card.

"The man who delivered it didn't look like a regular mail carrier. He was dressed in a suit," Renee said.

The front of the envelope said, "To: Alexis Cullen." It didn't have an address, which was odd. Whoever had delivered it had to have known where they lived. Bella knew who sent it. Stepping out of the room, Bella went outside to read it. She didn't want Renee to see who had sent it.

The card looked handmade and expensive. Adorned with crystals and orchids, it didn't look store bought. On the inside was a handwritten note to Alexis.

"To my dearest Granddaughter. I hope you have an amazing birthday, and I can't wait to finally meet you. See you soon. Love, Grandma Esme."

Bella crushed the card in her hand. She didn't even want to know what was in the box. The kitchen was empty when she walked back in a few seconds later. She could hear the sound of water running in the bathroom. The offending box was still on the table. Picking it up, she carried it into her room.

After showering and changing, Bella and Renee were in the kitchen as they made last minute preparations for the long trip to Tacoma. Renee was recovering from a cold so she opted out of the trip. The only plus side was that Bella and Edward had agreed to take separate cars, for which Bella was glad. She didn't know if she could handle three hours in a car with Edward.

She was determined to put aside her animosity with him just for today. Edward had offered to let her use his car, but Bella had refused. She doubted that her truck could survive the long trip, so instead, she had rented a car the day before.

The sound of Alexis's bedroom door opening pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Happy birthday!" Bella and Renee said in union as Alexis came into view. Alexis blushed at the acknowledgement. Bella still couldn't believe that Alexis was four years old. A lot had changed since she'd first realised she was pregnant.

A few minutes before they were about to leave, there was another knock at the door. Bella knew it was Edward, but she wanted to speak to him alone first.

"Mom, can you help Alexis finish getting dressed?" Bella asked.

"Sure."

Leaving them in the bedroom, Bella went to answer the door. First, she stopped in her room to collect the box.

"Hey." Edward's voice was wary. It seemed that by the look on her face, he knew something was amiss. "Is something wrong?"

Bella stepped fully outside and closed the door.

"Your mother sent this." She held the card out for Edward. He took it from her and read it. "Did you know about it?" Bella demanded.

"No," Edward said. His eyes seemed anxious.

"What does she mean by 'see you soon?' I don't want her anywhere near Alexis."

"I know." Edward sighed. "What's in the box?"

Bella handed it to him. "I don't know, but I don't want Alexis to start getting gifts from Esme." Bella was sure that any gifts from Esme probably had an ancient curse attached to them.

"What do you want me to do with it?" Edward asked.

"Doesn't matter to me. Toss it, donate it or send it back. Either way, I don't want Alexis to have it."

Bella thought Edward would be upset by her refusal to let Alexis have any gifts from his mother, but he seemed to respect her decision.

"I'll put it in the trunk and figure it out later. I have my gifts for her in the car. I wasn't sure whether to carry them or leave them here."

"You can leave them here. You're invited to come back after the zoo for cake and ice cream. That's when Renee and I are giving her our presents." Then Bella smiled. "Do you want some advice? Don't let her see her gifts or she'll nag the entire time we are at the zoo."

Edward laughed. "Wait here then, and I'll put this in the trunk and give the others to you to hide."

Once the presents were hidden in their various spots, Edward went in to greet a very excited Alexis.

"I want to see a tiger and zebra," Alexis told Edward as he walked her to the car she and Bella would be taking.

"I hope not," Bella muttered to herself.

"Have fun," Renee said. "And don't worry. The cake I'm making is going to be stupendous."

Bella grimaced. "You're making the cake? I thought you ordered one."

"I was going to, but then I remembered I can make one just as good." Renee smiled while Bella groaned.

"She's joking, right?" Edward asked as he buckled Alexis in.

"I hope so," Bella answered.

During the entire three hours from Forks to Tacoma, Edward stayed close behind Bella as they drove. This was something she knew had to have irritated him, because she drove a lot slower than he did. Nevertheless, Edward stayed close by, never letting them get too far away from him.

Unsurprisingly, the zoo was packed. It was the beginning of summer, so families were taking full advantage of the free time.

Edward parked a few spaces down from them because the ones on either side were occupied. It was while Bella was unbuckling Alexis that Edward came up to her and said, "If I tell you something, do you promise not to get angry?"

Bella's eyes narrowed. "Tell me what?"

"I won't tell you until you promise."

"I'm not going to promise anything," Bella said, bracing herself for whatever Edward wanted to tell her.

Reaching into his back pocket, Edward pulled out what looked like passes. "I bought these when you'd told me you planned on bringing her here." He handed one to Bella.

When Bella looked on the front of the pass, she saw why Edward had wanted her to promise not to get mad. The passes were V.I.P. passes that offered exclusive tours of the park. They were pricey.

Bella couldn't help her anger. "Why didn't you just shut the whole park down?"

Edward shrugged. "I was going to, but I figured that would probably push you over the edge. I wanted this day to be special for her," Edward said, trying to defend his actions.

Bella sighed. She had to admit it was a nice gesture. Maybe it was so hard to accept because it was him.

"You really didn't have to do this," she said.

"I know, but I wanted to. She's my daughter as well, and this is the first birthday that I'm spending with her."

He didn't say it in an attempt to make Bella feel guilty, but she did nevertheless. She had to admit she understood his reasoning.

Three hours later, she had to concede the V.I.P. passes were a lot better than general admission. Much to Alexis's delight, she got an up close view of each of the animals. On several occasions, she was allowed to touch them. It was a nice experience, and as much as Bella hated to admit it, she was glad that Alexis had her father there to share it with her.

Bella still wasn't used to the new Edward. He was so gentle with Alexis and her. It was a huge contrast to the person she'd left in Chicago, but she still could not let her guard down. She'd been hurt too many times by Edward in the past to let these few acts of kindness negate all he'd done to her and all she'd suffered because of him.

While walking out of the aquarium, Edward walked side by side with Bella while Alexis walked slightly ahead. "Well, it seems she's having a good time," he said, indicating to Alexis.

"Yeah." Bella took a deep breath. "Thanks for getting the passes."

Edward seemed to swell slightly by her words. "It was no problem."

They walked until they reached the children's park.

"Can I go?" Alexis asked, pointing to it.

"Sure," Bella said.

As Alexis headed off towards the park, Bella and Edward took one of the seats nearby. They were silent at first, but Bella could tell that Edward was itching to tell her something. She hoped that whatever it was wouldn't ruin the day.

"So how is work?" he asked.

Bella couldn't help but smile slightly at the area of conversation he'd chosen. It was so normal, but at the same time, so not normal.

"It's going well," she said, and it really was. While she was still suspicious about all that the job had offered, she was grateful for it. "What about you? How are you managing running a business from the other side of the country?"

Edward smiled. "It's better than I expected. Board meetings are a little more tolerable via webcam."

He paused for a moment. "Thanks for inviting me to go with you both today. I know it couldn't have been easy for you."

"I did it for her more than you." Bella felt it was important to point that out. Edward's smile faltered a little.

"I know, and I appreciate it." Edward sighed. "I can't believe she's already four. I wish I'd been there throughout her life." Just like before, he didn't say it in a way to make her feel guilty, but she still did.

"How would you have reacted if I'd told you back in Chicago that I was pregnant?" Bella asked. She didn't know why she asked it. A few minutes before, she was hoping he wouldn't ask anything difficult, but there she was asking the hard questions.

"I would have been happy," Edward said, turning to her. "I know parenthood wasn't part of our plan, but I would have been glad to share this with you."

There was sincerity in his voice, but Bella doubted it.

"I don't think you would have," Bella said honestly.

The look on Edward's face said he was hurt by her words. "I know I hurt you so badly in the past, but you don't actually think I would have hurt her, do you?" Edward asked.

"Not necessarily you," Bella said slowly. She wondered if now was the time to tell Edward what Esme had really been like when she was there, but she thought better of it. She was slightly afraid of how he would react.

"Bella," he said, reaching out to take her hand in his. He held her fingers in his hand. "You are right. I keep telling myself that if you'd told me you were pregnant while we were in Chicago, I would have been happy, but really, I don't know. I don't know how I would have reacted. I was a monster to you, and I am sorry for it. Please know that I am trying now. I'm trying to be a better person for you and Alexis. I know I can be if you just give me another chance." He squeezed her fingers gently. It was meant to be a reassuring gesture, but all it did was remind Bella of all the heartache she'd suffered because of him.

She pulled her hand away from his and was rewarded with a wounded look.

"I can't," she whispered, fighting back tears, because a very small part of her wished she could believe him. The voice of reason inside of her said she would be a fool to trust Edward again. It would be wrong to think Edward would never hurt her again. "I know you're trying to change what happened, to make me think better of you, but I don't think that is possible. The only smart thing is for us to move on."

She saw Edward freeze, and for a moment, she thought she'd pushed him as far as he could go, but Edward seemed to relax after a moment.

"That's just not possible for me," he said after a moment. His eyes trailed to where Alexis was still playing.

"But what if I want to move on?" she asked.

His green eyes met her brown ones, and Bella could see sadness reflected in them. It seemed that he didn't have an answer to her question, and that was why Bella couldn't find it in herself to give him another chance. Being with Edward again meant running head first into the unknown and, as always, looming over her head was the possibility that he could slip back into his old ways.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>I was genuinely surprised that no one commented on Bella going to the movies with Sebastian after denying Edward. Edward is really going to have to prove himself if he has any hope of reconciling with her. Especially seeing as this Bella isn't one to be pushed over.<br>****

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix****

**Special thanks to ****BelleDuJour and ****Ajr818****.******


	17. A Drop in the Ocean

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"It is a risk to love.<strong>  
><strong>But what if it doesn't work out?<strong>  
><strong>Ah, but what if it does. "<strong>

**― Peter McWilliams **

**Chapter 16**

**A Drop in the Ocean**

"That's just not possible for me," Edward said after a moment. His eyes trailed to where Alexis was still playing.

"But what if I want to move on?" Bella asked. His green eyes met her brown ones.

"Let's not discuss this now," Bella said. "It's still Alexis's birthday, and the last thing we need to do is bring our problems into it."

Edward nodded, but he was still riddled with questions. He wondered if her saying she wanted to move on was her subtle way of saying that she and Sebastian had moved on from being just friends. The thought made Edward's heart clench, but she was right. Alexis's birthday was not the time to discuss it. Besides, he wasn't sure he even wanted to know the answer.

For the rest of the day, Edward did his best to push his worries out of his mind and enjoy the time with Bella and Alexis, because he knew moments like these were far and few, and if his suspicion was correct, it could be the last.

When Edward, Bella and Alexis left the zoo at four that afternoon, the sky overhead had gone from blue to a murky grey. A summer storm was definitely on the horizon.

Alexis had fallen asleep in Edward's arms during the walk to the car park, so after buckling her into her car seat, he went to his car. Edward turned his key in the ignition, but the car wouldn't start. He tried again but with no luck. He knew the car's gas tank was still half full so that wasn't the problem. No amount of turning could get the car to start.

Bella's back lights flashed red showing she was about the pull out of the parking spot. Climbing out of his car, Edward went to the passenger side window and knocked. He waited until she'd put the window down to speak.

"My car won't start. Do you mind giving me a ride back to Forks?"

A suspicious look crossed Bella's face, and Edward knew why. He couldn't deny that the thought of spending another three hours with Bella was appealing to him while to her it probably was not.

"Why don't you call your security?"

"I would, but it will take three hours for them to reach here."

Bella sighed and looked away for a moment. She seemed to not buy his explanation that his car wouldn't start.

"You don't actually think I sabotaged my car, do you?" Edward asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"No, you have people to do that for you," Bella replied.

Edward laughed. "You don't have to give me a ride. I can wait the three hours for Dean to arrive."

Bella's eyes narrowed, and they both knew why. To leave Edward in Seattle when she could just as easily give him a ride to Forks would be a malicious act, and if it was one thing Bella wasn't, it was malicious.

"Fine, you can ride back to Forks with us," she said.

"Would you like me to drive?" he offered.

Bella just blinked in response.

Edward held his hands up in mock surrender. "I was just offering."

No sooner had he climbed into the passenger seat, did the rain finally burst from the clouds. Alexis was still fast asleep.

"I really appreciate this," Edward said as Bella pulled out into traffic.

"Uh-huh," was all Bella said in response. Edward couldn't help the small smile that came to his face. Bella looked at him for a moment then rolled her eyes as she looked away. The first few minutes passed in silence as Edward continued to cast glances at Bella, and she studiously ignored him.

The silence in the car seemed to be too much for Bella because after a few moments she turned on the radio. One song was just finishing, and the DJ was announcing another.

The song was unfamiliar, and Edward didn't know the singer, but immediately he could relate to the words.

_A drop in the ocean_

_A change in the weather_

_I was praying that you and me might end up together_

_It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert_

_But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven._

If Bella heard the connection between the song and their relationship, she didn't let on. Her eyes remained focus on the road ahead.

Desperate to engage her in conversation, Edward wracked his brain for a topic. "It's like you and I are something plucked out of the pages of British literature," Edward said.

Bella's eyebrow rose. "You read British literature?"

"Not a lot," Edward said, glad that he was finally getting a response. "I just know the ones you use to read when we were high ers in Florida. After you'd left Chicago, I started reading them out of curiosity."

"Why?"

"I wanted to know why they appealed to you so much. I figured if I had found you, you would want to stay with me if I was more like someone out of your novels."

Bella looked at him and smiled slightly. "Which were you thinking? Something along the lines of Cathy and Heathcliff? Do you have plans to knock off the side of my coffin and merge it with yours so our remains will be joined forever?"

"There is no way you can be Cathy. I was thinking more along the lines of Tess."

"Does that make you Angel?"

"I think I'm more like Alec," Edward admitted softly.

"Alec turned out to be a liar and beyond redemption. Does that mean you'll slip back into your old ways?"

"I suppose that's up to you to decide seeing as it's your forgiveness I'm asking for."

Edward waited for Bella to respond, but she didn't. He supposed that meant forgiveness wasn't even an option now.

The rest of the drive passed in an uncomfortable silence. Edward wanted to continue their conversation, but he wanted her to want to talk to him.

When they finally arrived outside Bella's house, Alexis was still fast asleep.

"So what do you think? Do you want to wake her?" Edward asked, indicating to Alexis.

"I suppose. I wouldn't want her to miss Renee's cake."

They both laughed. The earlier tension in the car was forgotten momentarily. Bella reached into the back of the car and began to softly shake Alexis. Alexis was more than happy to be woken for cake and ice cream.

The smell of burnt cake greeted them when they walked through the front door.

"Oh no," Bella said as the scent hit her.

"Hi," Renee said coming around the corner from the living room. Behind her, Edward saw that she had hung a "Happy Birthday" banner in the living room. "How was the zoo?"

"Packed," Bella answered.

"Did you have a good time?" Renee asked, her eyes darting between Bella and Edward.

"It was fine," Bella said.

"Now can I have my cake?" Alexis asked.

"Yes, you can, and I made a special cake for you," Renee said.

Edward and Bella exchanged a confused look.

"By special she probably means burnt," Bella said to Edward, when Renee and Alexis walked into the kitchen.

"Ta-da," Renee said as she pulled a small cake out of the fridge. The cake was rectangular with chocolate icing and pink flowers decorating the corners. It didn't look homemade.

"The cake looks amazing, mom," Bella said, suspicion strong in her voice.

"I told you I could bake it," Renee said proudly.

Bella gave her a dubious look.

"I read a book on baking," Renee said, trying again.

Knowing that no one was buying her explanation, Renee groaned.

"Fine, I burned the first one and bought this one," Renee admitted as she stuck four candles into the cake. Alexis sat in between Bella and Edward as Renee lit the candles.

Sitting there singing "Happy Birthday" to his daughter with his wife on the other side was still eerie to Edward. If someone had told him, when he and Bella had first started dating, the mess they would find themselves in, would not have believed them. At the same time, their relationship had been so messed up from the start; the path they found themselves on now could hardly seem surprising.

Edward couldn't stop himself from looking at Bella as she sang along with them. Deep down, Edward felt he owed so much to Bella. Not only for everything he'd put her through, but also for giving him another chance, if not with her, then at least with Alexis.

He loved Bella and time had not changed that. If time had done anything, it had strengthened it. It had strengthened her.

Bella seemed to sense his eyes on her so she looked up. For a brief moment, their eyes locked, and Edward remembered her earlier question.

_"But what if I want to move on?"_

Letting go of Bella was giving up on the possibility of them being together, and that seemed like an impossibility to him.

* * *

><p><em>The morning after she'd fallen down the stairs, Bella's entire demeanor had changed. She wasn't her usual fiery self. For the last several days, she'd been docile. Not even picking fights with him over trivial things which, just last week, would have ignited the rage in her. There was a time when he would have been glad for the change, but because it was Bella, it terrified him. It was like the calm before the storm.<em>

_A few days later found Edward distracted at work. Some final proposals had needed his approval and signature, but he was finding it hard to concentrate long enough to absorb the information on them. Something was deeply troubling Bella, but he didn't know what. All the time he'd known her, she'd had a certain fire in her eyes. Now they just seemed dull._

_When Edward returned home that night, he was surprised to see her already sitting in the dining area waiting for him. Ever since that first night when she'd thrown the wine bottle at his head, she'd ignored his requests for her to join him for dinner. That usually lead to an argument and a fight. Tonight was different. _

"_I'm surprised to see you here," Edward said._

_She'd been staring out the opposite window when he walked in. Now she looked up, confused._

"_Why?"_

"_Usually you make it a point to ignore all of my requests."_

"_Oh. I guess I just didn't want to fight with you tonight," she said. She sounded sad. Without another word, she turned her attention back to the window._

_Edward sat opposite her. One of the maids came in then and poured them each a glass of wine._

"_Can I get water instead?" Bella asked._

"_Of course." The maid walked out and returned a few moments later with a water jug. After pouring it for Bella, she left again. _

"_You're not drinking?" Edward asked, surprised._

"_Not tonight," she said quietly._

_After dinner was served, they both sat in silence._

"_You're very quiet tonight," Edward commented. Bella, who had been pushing her food around her plate, looked up in surprise as though she'd forgotten he was there._

"_Oh, I guess I'm just tired," she replied._

_Edward blinked in surprise. Her answer was so calm. Actually, everything about her was unnaturally calm. A huge contrast to the Bella from a few days before who would have replied to his question with a sarcastic comment._

"_What did you do today?" he asked. She was looking down at her plate as she continued to move the food around and around._

"_I stayed down by housing mainly."_

_He looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Are you okay?"_

_She sighed in aggravation. "I'm fine." There was a slight exasperation in her voice. It seemed angry Bella wasn't completely gone._

"_Aren't you hungry?" He gestured to her still full plate._

"_Not really." Her shoulders slumped._

_He wondered if this was a late response to all that had happened._

"_I'm tired," Bella said, pushing the plate away and standing up. "I'll see you upstairs."_

_Then she walked out of the room without a second glance. Whatever was bothering her, Edward knew it was bad. Evident in the fact that she had gone to their bedroom without a fight._

_When he joined her a half hour later, Edward found her already fast asleep. It struck him as slightly odd how tired she'd been as of late, but he shrugged it off. Maybe she was coming down with something. After changing his clothes and climbing into bed with her, Edward could not stop himself from reaching out and touching her. To him, she was still a figure of beauty and radiance with or without the fire._

_Weekends were always a volatile time in the Cullen household. With Edward not in the office on weekends, it was the only time Edward and Bella were in close proximity to each other. It was the time of the week when they banged heads the most. Even though they spent the majority of it on opposite ends of the house, somehow they still managed to provoke the other into an argument._

_This weekend was different._

_This was the first weekend since the turmoil had begun that yelling and the sound of glass breaking was not heard. They still stayed on either side of the house, but the brief times they came into contact, they were both tame._

_Sitting in his home office, Edward had hoped to finish the work he'd neglected the day before, but the same thing that had prevented him from working on it then had not been resolved. Bella's demeanor had not returned to its original state. In fact, it was as if she'd withdrawn even more into herself. Again, Edward began to wonder if this was a late effect of all that had happened._

_Passing his hand through his hair, Edward sighed in frustration. He'd always wanted a humble Bella, but now that he had one, he wished for the old one._

_Leaving his office, Edward went to find her. Weekends were the only time Bella stayed in the house for any extended period. Edward knew she spent most days down by housing. She preferred the company of the hired help to anyone in his family, including him. That had been a reason behind another one of their arguments. He'd wanted her to spend the weekend with him, while she'd wanted to get as far away from him as possible._

_The sound of the faucet running in the master bathroom alerted Edward to her presence. He stood silently outside waiting for her to finish. When Bella emerged a few minutes later, Edward saw her eyes were rimmed with red. She'd been crying._

_She froze for a moment when she saw him._

"_I didn't hear you out here," she said, rubbing her eyes. She looked tired. Odd, seeing as she'd woken a lot later than him. _

"_Are you sick? Would you like me to get you something?" he asked._

_Bella shook her head. "No I'm okay. Just tired."_

_Walking past him, she went into the bedroom. Sitting on the bed, Bella buried her head in her hands. Following her in, Edward sat beside her. Reaching out slowly so as not to startle her, he pressed his hand against her forehead._

"_You don't have a fever, but you still look pale."_

_Bella just shrugged. Edward was about to suggest calling a doctor, but she cut him off. _

"_Do you remember when we first met?" she asked suddenly._

_Her question caught him off guard._

"_Of course. It was your first day. You'd just transferred from another high . Every male in the entire was head over heels for you."_

_Bella grimaced slightly at the reminder. "Don't remind me. Less than a year later you and I started dating." Her voice sounded sad._

"_Who would have guessed how damaged everything would get," she continued. Her eyes met his, and in them, Edward could see sadness and possibly regret. Regret for what, Edward wasn't sure._

"_Things started to change," Edward agreed._

_Bella shook her head. "Things didn't change. You changed."_

_Edward was about to disagree, but Bella asked her question first._

"_Why did you change?"_

_Edward took a deep breath. He couldn't understand the reasoning behind her questions, but her sudden want to venture down memory lane intrigued him. "I don't know. I guess one day I felt I wasn't good enough for you, and I was afraid you would leave. I thought if I held tightly, you would never let go. It didn't work. You left anyway." He grew slightly angry at the reminder. _

"_I couldn't stay with you. Not with the way you treated me. I will never be the type of person who just sits there and takes it. That's not me."_

"_I would never want that to be you. I just want you to be happy with me," Edward insisted._

"_But that's just it," Bella said, standing in frustration. Her mood swing caught Edward off guard. "After everything that happened between us, I can't be happy with you." Bella shook her head sadly. Edward saw something change within her. It was as if she'd come to her own realisation about something. _

"_I can't be happy with you," she said again, so soft that Edward wasn't sure if he'd heard her right. _

_Edward stood now, his fist clenching and unclenching at his side. "Maybe I'm not the one who changed. Maybe you're the one who led me on even then. That's what happened when we were married. You led me to believe you wanted to be with me."_

_Bella shot him a look of disgust. "I don't even know why I bother arguing. You just don't seem to get it. You always were, and you always will be an asshole. Guys like you don't change. They just get worse overtime."_

"_What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Edward's eyes hardened, daring her to say anything more._

"_Like father, like son, right?" Bella shot back._

_Angry Bella had returned, and that was when Edward snapped. Reaching for her, he grabbed her and slammed her into the wall. He could take all her other verbal abuse, but comparing him to Carlisle was a low blow._

_Edward expected Bella to fight back. It was what she usually did when provoked. This time she surprised him._

"_Please no!" Bella begged, her hand outstretched towards him, fear in her eyes._

_Her reaction caused Edward to stop and his mind to clear. This was the first time, in as long as he could remember, that Bella actually begged him. Never before had he seen such fear in her eyes as there was now. It was a deep rooted fear that tore at him. It was the fear of someone staring into the eyes of a monster._

"_Please don't," she begged again._

_Something was different, something had changed between them, and Edward knew it, but what was different, he didn't know._

_He couldn't stay in the room any longer. Letting go of her, he stalked out, slamming the bedroom door behind him._

_That night, the soft sound of someone crying woke Edward. When he'd opened his eyes he was momentarily confused. Sitting up, he glanced at Bella's side and saw it was empty. The glow of a light was visible at the crack below the bathroom door. Climbing out of bed, Edward walked quietly to it._

_From the other side, he could hear the muffled sound of Bella crying. He heard as she took a few deep gasping breaths in an attempt to calm herself down. He raised his hand to knock, but he paused before it could make a sound._

_If he went in there, what would he do? More than likely, he was the reason behind her tears. He was the reason for her pain. He was always the reason._

* * *

><p>Edward passed his finger gently over the screen of his phone at the picture of Bella and Alexis displayed there. He'd snapped the picture, without Bella's notice, while they were at the zoo. In the picture, Bella held Alexis as she fed a baby goat from a bottle. They had both been so preoccupied with the task that neither noticed when he took out his phone. It was his favourite picture, and Edward had set it as his background.<p>

He was sitting in his home office as Leah gave him his daily company report. Her voice was just background as Edward thought about the day he'd finally gotten to spend with his wife and daughter.

"And your father has been trying to get through to you. He asked me to ask you if you'd changed your mind." Edward rolled his eyes even though he knew Leah couldn't see him. Carlisle was relentless.

"Tell him that I have not and will not change my mind."

"Are you sure? He seemed pretty frantic the last time he called."

Edward sighed. "Yes, I'm sure."

There was a brief pause and the sound of pen against paper as Leah wrote down what he was saying.

"Well, that's about it. Is there anything you wanted me to do for you?" Leah asked.

Edward paused for a moment as he contemplated briefly his next request. "Yes. I want you to contact Mr. Ateara and have him redraft my will. I want Bella and Alexis instated as my beneficiaries."

Leah paused for a moment. "Okay," she said, uncertainty in her voice. "Anything else?"

Edward thought for a moment. There was plenty more he wished he could give to Bella and Alexis, but now was not the time. To Leah he said, "No that's it."

After final formalities, Edward hung up. No sooner had he put his phone down did it ring again. This time the call was from Esme.

"Hello," he answered, passing a hand over his face.

"How is everything going?" Esme asked. Her voice was calmer than Edward expected. Lately she'd seemed agitated every time he spoke to her on the phone.

"Fine." He was wary.

"Did Alexis receive my gift?"

Edward's eyes went to the still wrapped box sitting in a corner of his office. Since taking it from Bella's house, he hadn't known what to do with it so he'd tossed it aside.

"Um, no."

Esme sighed. "I figured that much so it doesn't surprise me. What did surprise me, however, was the news that Renee was in Forks." Jealousy was deep in her voice.

"How did you find that out?" Edward asked, curious.

"I didn't trust some delinquent from the post office with my granddaughter's gift so I had it delivered by one of Carlisle's workers. When he called me to tell me it had been delivered, I asked who had signed for it. Guessing from his description, I know it wasn't Bella."

"Your guess was right."

"That is not fair. Why does she get to see Alexis and I don't? I have just as much right to see my granddaughter as Renee does."

"It's Bella's decision," Edward said.

"Why is it her decision? Alexis is as much your daughter as she is Bella's, and until you take my advice and take her to court, you two share custody. So why then does Bella get to dictate which grandparent Alexis sees?" Esme demanded angrily.

Edward took a deep breath. "I am not going to dictate Bella's decisions now. I put her through hell in the past, and she has every right to act the way she does. I messed up, and I'm paying for it now. A lot less harsh than I deserve."

"It seems I'm paying for it as well. She's the only grandchild I will ever have, and I can't even meet her. Add that with everything that's going on with your father, I just— " Esme sighed, her voice trailing off.

"What do you mean everything that's going on with Carlisle?"

Esme sighed again. "I don't know. He's been agitated and stressed as of late. He comes home at late hours, and there have been people coming and going at all hours. The other day these two men came in and threatened him in his office. He looked terrified."

Edward groaned. "Why don't you leave?" He knew that what Carlisle was meddling in was going to end very badly, and he preferred it if his mother wasn't involved.

"I'm not going to leave him." Esme's voice was firm. "I just wish I knew what was going on."

"Carlisle is digging himself his own gave. He's getting involved in things he should stay away from."

"Do you know what is going on?"

"Yes. Several months ago, Carlisle told me of some Russian _bratvas _that he'd been in contact with called the Tarasovs."

"Who are they?"

"Known for money laundering, extortion, arms trafficking and human trafficking, they are the most powerful family in Russia. Carlisle hopes to ally with them but really he wants to overthrow them."

Esme gasped. "How is he hoping to do that?"

Edward looked out the window as he answered. "By aligning himself with the Alexandrovs. Both families have been at war for centuries, but as I told him, neither group can be trusted. Russia is an entirely different ball game from the American one he knows."

"Why does he want your help? Seems he's got it all figured out."

"I don't know. I guess he believes with my joining him would increase the Cullen family power."

Esme was silent for a moment. "It seems he's really dug a deep hole for himself."

"Yes, and I am not going to help him out of it."

"I wouldn't want you to. Whatever he is messed up in, you don't need to be involved."

Edward's gaze went to the clock hanging on the wall. Alexis would be finished with in a few minutes.

"I have to go."

"Okay." Esme's voice sounded sad. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Then she hung up. Edward sat for a few moments thinking about what Esme had told him. He knew that Carlisle was in over his head. He just hoped that when Carlisle's plan backfired, Esme wouldn't feel the burn.

When he left his house twenty minutes later, it was with the determination of pushing his worries out of his mind. Afternoons were the one time he got to spend with Alexis, and by extension, Bella, and he didn't want his worries to pry his concentration away from them. He filed Carlisle away in his brain. He could be dealt with at another time.

Pulling up outside Bella's house, he was surprised to see that her truck was not in the driveway. He assumed that maybe her old truck had finally had its last breath. He secretly hoped so. The old clunker was a death machine on wheels, and he hated that she and Alexis drove around in it.

It was Renee who answered when Edward knocked on the front door.

"Oh, Edward, I thought you might have been Bella," she said.

Edward looked at her confused.

"They haven't returned yet," she explained. "And I really wanted to get to the bank before it closed."

Edward understood her predicament. The only vehicle was Bella's truck, and without it, Renee was stranded.

"You can take my car if you want," Edward offered, holding out his car keys.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks. You can wait inside if you want," Renee said as she took the keys.

"Thanks, but I'll just wait outside." He was sure that Bella wouldn't appreciate coming home to the sight of him waiting in her house.

Twenty minutes after Renee had left, Bella and Alexis still hadn't returned home, causing Edward to worry. Usually they were back by now. He was still waiting on the front step when the sound of a car passing in front of the house pulled him from his thoughts. The car was unfamiliar to him. So was the driver. He was surprised when the car stopped in front the house and the driver got out.

The man who stepped out looked around the same age as Edward. Even though he was at a loss as to who this person was, Edward went out to meet him. It wasn't until he looked in the backseat of the car and saw Alexis fast asleep next to another boy who looked around the same age as her, did Edward realise who the man was. Bella was not with them.

After weeks of silence, the monster inside of him raised its ugly head.

"You must be Edward," Sebastian said, holding out his hand.

Despite his anger, Edward remembered his civilities as he took Sebastian's outstretched hand in a brief shake.

"Yes," Edward replied curtly as he sized up the man he saw as a competitor to Bella's heart. Sebastian seemed to be doing the same thing. Edward took comfort in the fact that Sebastian was as unsure of his stance in Bella's affections as Edward was. "Where is Bella?" Edward asked.

"She had a meeting with her academic advisor that couldn't be rescheduled so I offered to pick Alexis up for her," Sebastian explained. "Is Renee here?"

"No, she stepped out, but I'll take her." As Edward step towards the car, Sebastian moved in front of it, blocking his view.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian said, holding up his hands. "Bella asked me specifically to give her to Renee."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Well, she's not here, and I am Alexis's father so I'll take her."

"Asshole," Edward couldn't help but think.

Still Sebastian refused to move. "I'm sorry, but it was Bella's request."

Edward's hands curled into fist, but he remembered that slugging Sebastian wouldn't end well for him. Not only would it piss Bella off, but Sebastian's son and his daughter sat just a few feet away.

"Well, Renee is not here, so I'll take her." Edward's voice was firm and daring Sebastian not to deny him.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that."

Edward saw red.

At that same moment, both men could hear the sound of another car coming up the road but neither of them turned. It turned out to be Renee. After parking just behind Sebastian on the side of the road, Renee got out and walked up to the two men.

"Hello," she said, warily. The tension between the two men was apparent.

"You must be Mrs. Swan," Sebastian said, turning to her.

"Call me Renee." Renee's eyes kept darting between the two men as she held her hand out to Sebastian. "And you are?"

"Sebastian. Bella had a meeting with her academic advisor so I volunteered to pick Alexis up from . She said you wouldn't have transport," Sebastian explained as he opened the door to the back seat. Alexis was still fast asleep while Drayven was staring at the three adults.

"Oh," Renee said, reaching into the car and taking out Alexis. Edward's hard gaze never left Sebastian.

Standing between the two men while she held Alexis, Renee wondered if both men were going to start to fight right there and then. She did not understand what was going on between Edward and Bella any more than she understood what was going on between Bella and Sebastian.

"Thank you, Sebastian. Do you know what time Bella will be finished?" Renee asked.

"I'm not sure," Sebastian told her with a smile.

"Well, I'm going to take her inside," Renee said, unable to stand the tension any longer. "It was nice meeting you, Sebastian."

"You too," Sebastian replied.

With one last glance at both men, Renee quickly turned and headed into the house.

"It was nice meeting you as well," Sebastian said, holding out his hand to Edward. Edward just stared at him, fire in his green eyes.

"Okay then," Sebastian said, pulling his hand back and walking to the driver's side of his car. "I'll see you around," Sebastian said as he got into his car.

"I hope not," Edward mumbled under his breath.

It wasn't until Sebastian's car was out of sight that Edward returned to Bella's house. He knew that Alexis was probably still asleep, and he needed a moment alone, so instead of going in, he resumed his spot on the front step. Burying his head in his hands, Edward took a few deep breaths to calm the anger and betrayal he felt. It hurt a lot to know that Bella trusted Sebastian with Alexis when she didn't even trust him with his own daughter. He knew she had every right not to, but the feeling of betrayal remained. It ate him from the inside, making him feel unworthy and not good enough. He knew deep down that making him feel this way was not her intention. She was only trying to protect Alexis from being hurt by him.

Almost a half hour later, Edward was still sitting on the porch. His anger had disappeared and hurt had taken its place. Behind him, someone opened the front door.

"Edward?" Renee asked.

Turning, Edward saw her standing in the doorway, uncertainty in her eyes. Bella had once said her mother had a type of perception that was unparalleled. She could read people and situations better than most people. It seemed true now as she looked at him with sympathy in her eyes.

"Yes?" Edward replied.

"Alexis is still asleep, and I wanted to know if you would like me to wake her up so you can spend time with her."

Edward thought for a moment. Even though he loved spending time with Alexis, it was the only thing he looked forward to, he wanted to speak to Bella first. There were a few things he needed to get off his chest first, and he didn't want to speak it in front of Alexis.

"Can you give her a half hour more? If she's not awake then, can you wake her?"

"Sure." With one last nod, Renee returned into the house, and Edward continued waiting for Bella.

Fifteen minutes later, her truck pulled into the driveway. Edward couldn't help but feel slightly dismayed that the truck was still moving. From the look on her face, Edward could tell she'd had a rough day. She seemed surprised to see him sitting there.

"Where's Alexis?" she asked, walking up to where he was sitting.

"She's asleep inside."

Bella must have heard something in his voice, because she suddenly seemed slightly taken aback. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Edward didn't answer for a moment as he tried to gather his emotions. He thought that all of his anger had dissipated, but it seemed some had remained.

"Can we talk for a moment? Preferably away from the house?" he asked.

For a moment, it looked as though Bella was going to refuse, but after a moment she agreed. They walked to Bella's truck where, after pulling down the back, they both sat on the bed. Bella was silent as Edward gathered his thoughts. He thought about making small talk before letting his feelings out but really he wanted to get to the root of the problem now.

"It isn't fair that you trust Sebastian with Alexis and not me." Edward hadn't meant to say it like that, but he couldn't seem to put into words what was going through his mind. "Why would you trust him to pick up our child from when you won't trust me to be alone with her? Haven't I proven enough that I am not going to hurt her or you?"

Bella had remained silent while she listened to him, and Edward wasn't sure if this was the calm before the storm again or if she just wasn't listening.

He tried to keep the accusation out of his voice, but it was still there. "It isn't fair."

For a moment, Bella didn't respond. She just sat there studying him. Then she sighed.

"You're right. It isn't fair, and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. It was a last minute decision, but you are right."

Edward blinked in surprise. That was not the response he had expected. He'd expected her to lash out, not for her to admit fault.

"I didn't mean to make you feel guilty," he said quickly. He hated the idea of her beating herself up over it.

"I know that," Bella said, waving away his words. "But you're right. It isn't fair. I hadn't really thought of all my options when I asked Sebastian to pick her up. I didn't realise you'd read into it so much. I can't blame you for doing that. If it were me, I would be upset as well. Would you like to pick her up from some afternoons?" Bella asked.

Edward was caught off guard again. He hadn't expected that. "Of course, but why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well, what you said is true, but also, I've been stretching myself sort of thin. I met with my academic advisor today and by the end of December I just may have enough credits to finish my degree which means this final push, I'll be even busier. Renee can help out as well, but she doesn't have a car, so it's harder for her. I guess that's where you'll come in."

Edward nodded. This was a leap forward in their relationship. She didn't know it, but her trusting him with Alexis, her most prized possession, made Edward's earlier feeling of unworthiness abate.

"That would be great," Edward said.

Edward wondered if this meant she'd changed her opinion of him. He opened his mouth to question this, but Bella, knowing what he was about to ask, beat him to it. "No, it doesn't change anything between us."

Edward sighed. Her response didn't surprise him. Bella always had a stubborn personality, and time had not changed that.

"Does this mean you believe me when I say I won't hurt you or her?" Edward held his breath while he waited for her response.

"I know you won't hurt her," Bella answered truthfully.

"Or you," Edward insisted. She had to believe him. She just had to.

Bella looked away and didn't respond.

"Soon," Edward thought to himself. Soon he would regain her complete trust and forgiveness.

* * *

><p><strong>Song that was playing: Ron Pope - A Drop In The Ocean (Really beautiful song)<br>**

**Last month got away from me. I couldn't believe I hadn't updated then.  
><strong>

**Thank you for sticking by me as I share this tidbit.  
><strong>

**I'm genuinely surprised that alot of readers are sympathizing with Edward more than Bella. I thought Edward would have to do alot of convincing to prove to readers that he has changed. I guess it's the Edward paradigm that he can do no wrong. :)  
><strong>

**So, who's excited for Breaking Dawn Part 2?**

****If you feel like talking or think I'm taking too long to update, you can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix****

****Don't worry, I don't bite.  
><strong>**

**Special thanks to Twilightmom505**** and ******BelleDuJour******.******


	18. Hate and Love

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse for impossibility, <strong>

**for it thinks all things are lawful for itself and all things are possible."**

**- Thomas à Kempis  
><strong>

**Chapter 17**  
><strong>Hate and Love<strong>

Life had not gotten easier for Bella.

At the same time that was not true. Compared to how life had been the year before, or the year before that, when she was struggling to make ends meet while working under a tyrant boss and evading her abusive husband, there were many positive moves forward. But at the same time, life had taken a few steps back.

When Sebastian had offered to pick Alexis up from camp because Bella had a meeting with her advisor, it had not crossed her mind how Edward would respond to that. Her only thought was getting Alexis safely from one place to another. She didn't know when she would be finished speaking with her advisor and didn't want to run the risk of Alexis being left at camp. It wasn't until she'd arrived home and seen the pain reflected in Edward's eyes that she realised how deeply she had hurt him. Despite all that he had done to her, Bella swore that she would never use their daughter as a weapon against Edward, but somehow, inadvertently, that is exactly what she had done.

There was no doubt in her mind that Edward would never hurt Alexis, so she felt no qualms at letting him pick her up from camp. She couldn't deny that the Edward, who was with her now in Forks, was not the same bastard he was in Chicago. This Edward was gentle, patient and a devoted father. She knew that, just like with her, fatherhood was not something Edward had spent time thinking about, and she was amazed and surprised that despite having a horrible example of a father all his life, he somehow managed to do an okay job.

So the next day, as Bella left work, she was confident in Edward's ability to get Alexis home safely. When she arrived home and walked into the kitchen, she found Renee eating out of the leftover tub of ice cream from Alexis's birthday party with a spoon. A Martha Stewart magazine was open in front of her.

"How was work?" Renee asked.

"It was fine," Bella said with a laugh. Her mother looked so relaxed. A huge contrast to the woman she'd seen at the airport.

"Where's Alexis? You usually wait around town until you have to pick her up from camp."

"Edward's picking her up today," Bella explained, as she sat opposite Renee at the kitchen counter.

Renee's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Edward is picking her up?"

"Yeah. You sound surprised."

Renee shrugged. "Well, he's never done it before so I am kinda surprised."

Bella nodded but didn't respond.

"Care to join me?" Renee asked, reaching over into the utensils drawer and pulling out a spoon. She held it out to Bella.

"Sure, why not?" Bella took the spoon from Renee.

"So, what's been going on?" Renee asked as Bella took a scoop of ice cream.

"Nothing much, why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I guess because you and I haven't really had a chance to spend quality mother- daughter time together. I feel like I don't really know what you've been up to these days," Renee said.

"I guess I've just been busy," Bella said guiltily. "While trying to balance everything else, it seemed you slipped through the cracks. I'm sorry about that."

Renee smiled. "Don't worry about it. I know you've been busy with everything else. I'm just glad to be able to see you at all, to be a part of your life."

With those words, Bella was reminded of the elephant in the room. It teetered on the edge of her present life, threatening to bring her world crashing down. Bella wished that wasn't the case. She wished she could confide in her mother or anyone trustworthy. Not just confide in, but also seek advice from. Everything she did, all the choices she made, was done of her own resolve. She wished she could seek outside help.

Often times, she felt jealous that Edward was the one seeing a psychologist. There was no one that Bella could confide in. Edward was definitely out, seeing as he was the reason behind her inner turmoil. She didn't want to scare Renee with the truth of what happened, and telling any of her co-workers or the people she considered friends would complicate things even more than they were already were. That just left her and her reasoning, which at only twenty-one, wasn't that reliable.

To Renee she said, "I am too."

Renee reached out and rubbed her fingers along Bella's hand in a soothing way. Her mother's touch comforted her.

After a moment, Renee sighed. "I know it's part of our agreement that I not ask about certain things, but the curiosity is eating away at me."

"Yes?" Bella asked, suddenly fearful of what Renee might ask.

"What's going on between you and Edward?"

Bella was slightly taken aback by Renee's question. It wasn't what she had expected, but she was't surprised that Renee had asked. This was an easy question that could be answered carefully.

"Nice subtlety, Mom," Bella said.

Renee shrugged. "I didn't know how to lead up to it. I figured a direct approach was the best way."

Bella took another scoop of ice cream. "Truthfully, I don't even know."

"So it's the typical problem."

Bella weighed for a moment just how much she could tell Renee. The past was definitely out, but talking about the here and now would be easy.

"He wants there to be something, but I don't think I want that, or at least I shouldn't want that."

"He hurt you before," Renee said softly.

Bella's eyes snapped to her mother's quickly. Renee's perceptiveness was in overdrive today, and that wasn't good.

"I may not be a painter or a baker, but I am a mom who knows her daughter," Renee said sadly. "Unfortunately, my mom senses didn't come with an exact detection so I don't know in which way he hurt you, and even though I wish you'd tell me, I trust you to make the right decision."

"I wish I had that much confidence in myself."

"Does this have something to do with Sebastian as well?"

"No," Bella said quickly. Maybe a little too quickly. "Well, I don't think so."

Renee was silent.

Bella sighed. "I wish I could figure out how people get that straight road relationship. You know, the easy one?"

"No relationship is a straight road, sweetie. It wasn't that way for your dad and I, either. There were many times when I was positive we would never be together, but in the end, fate and circumstances always brought us together. Even when we were married and had you, there were still bumps along the way."

"How did you manage to stay together?"

"I don't know. That's one of the mysteries of life and love."

"Maybe that's where that old saying 'follow your heart' comes from," Bella said.

"Maybe, but if you follow that quote can you do me a favour?"

"What is it?"

"When you follow your heart, make sure you take your brain with you." Renee tapped Bella's forehead lightly and smiled as she said it.

Bella couldn't help but roll her eyes in response. "I will under one condition."

"What?" Renee asked.

"You have to tell Alexis that you ate the rest of her ice cream." Bella indicated the empty tub between them.

Renee laughed. "Crap. I'll have to replace it before she notices."

From the kitchen, Bella could hear the sound of a car stopping outside the house.

"Too late."

Bella breathed a small sigh— a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding. Even though she'd told herself over and over that she trusted Edward to bring Alexis home safely, it seemed a part of her was still fearful.

Renee went to answer the door. She could hear Renee greet Alexis and Edward. Then she heard the sound of footsteps as Alexis ran into the kitchen.

"Mommy!"

Alexis ran straight into Bella's arms, and Bella held onto her just a little bit tighter. Trusting Edward alone with Alexis was definitely going to take some getting used to.

Bella looked up just as Edward walked into the kitchen holding Alexis's bag and lunch kit. Something about seeing him holding their daughter's backpack and lunch kit tugged at something deep within her chest. It seemed today he wasn't a big, billionaire CEO with women clawing for a chance to get into his pants. Today, he was a dad who seemed pretty pleased with himself that he survived his first pick up. It was unnatural.

"Bella," Edward said, giving her a small smile. She hadn't noticed before that his hair had gotten longer since he'd arrived in Forks. She assumed since he wasn't going into an office, there was no point in cutting it.

"Hey," Bella said in reply. "How did it go?"

Taking a seat beside her, he shrugged. Despite his nonchalance, Bella could sense that something was wrong. "Well, I was asked a couple of times if I was her uncle," Edward said.

Bella couldn't help but roll her eyes. The mothers at Alexis's school were known gossipers, so she wasn't surprised. He was a new form of gossip, and they were foaming at the mouth to get to him.

"Don't bother with them," Bella offered. She didn't know why she was trying to make Edward feel better. What did it matter to her if he was hurt by that?

"It seems they thought Sebastian was her father," Edward said, a sudden hardness in his eyes.

Bella didn't know how to reply to that one. Luckily, she was saved from responding by Alexis.

"Who ate all my ice cream?" Alexis asked, holding up the empty container.

It was then that Bella realised she'd forgotten to throw the empty tub of ice cream away.

Both Bella and Renee pointed at each other. Alexis's eyes widened in horror. Bella saw Renee bite her lip to stop herself from laughing.

"Daddy, they ate my ice cream!" Alexis pointed at the empty container.

"Oh no," Edward said. Just like Renee, he was fighting a laugh.

Sensing a melt-down approaching, Bella was quick to change the topic. "Lexi, why don't we go outside so you can ride your bike?"

"Okay," Alexis said after a moment. "Can Daddy come, too?"

Bella's eyes went to Edward's. She wasn't sure what the expression on her face was, but whatever it was, it made a small, sad smile appear on Edward's face.

"Actually, I have to go home now," Edward said to Alexis.

"Why? I want you to come with us!" Alexis whined.

"I have work to do. I'll see you tomorrow," Edward reassured her.

"But I want you to come with us now," Alexis said as tears began welling in her eyes.

Bella knew that Edward was refusing to go to appease her, and she appreciated the gesture, but she didn't want to deny Alexis the time with her father just because Bella was having issues with him.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Bella asked.

Edward looked at her, confused. "Okay, I can do my work later."

"Yes!" Alexis said, climbing down from the chair and heading to the door. Before she went out into the hall, she turned to Renee and said, "Don't eat my cake while I'm gone."

Renee eyes widened slightly. She raised her hand in surrender. "I won't," she said with a slight chuckle.

Ten minutes later, with Alexis on her bike and Edward and Bella behind her, they walked along the road outside Bella's house. Forks was experiencing one of its few warm days, and after being indoors all day, Bella was glad to be outside.

Bella and Edward were silent as they walked. Edward had been with them in Forks for almost two months and already it was beginning to feel natural. Edward was slowly crawling beneath her skin, and that, if time had shown her anything, was dangerous. She wanted to hold onto the anger she felt towards him. It helped her keep control of her feelings, but the more time passed, the harder it was for her to see him in a negative light.

Edward was trying. He was doing his best to do right by her and Alexis, but she couldn't accept it. It was easier to hate him than to admit that he'd changed.

"Can I ask you something?" Bella asked.

"Of course," Edward said.

Bella paused a moment before asking her question. She wanted to know how long he planned on playing the good guy role. She wanted to know how long he planned on trying to make something between them. Not wanting to put a damper on the moment, she asked something else.

"Did you ever forgive Esme for staying with Carlisle despite how he treated her?"

Edward seemed taken aback by her question.

"Shouldn't your question be whether or not I forgive Carlisle?" Edward asked.

Bella shook her head. "She had the power to stop it and because she didn't, you were affected."

Edward was silent for a moment while he thought about her question. "Yes, I have," he answered eventually.

"Really?"

"Yes." Edward sighed. "When I was younger, too young to really understand, I never saw Esme's actions for what they were. I thought she was a victim. It wasn't until I was older that I began to understand why my brothers rejected her the way they did. They saw, before I did, that it wasn't that she was a victim. She was choosing to be a victim, and I hated that. I blamed her for the nights I spent crying as a child because Carlisle was beating her. It wasn't until I met you that I began to understand her a little bit more."

"Me?"Bella asked in surprise.

Edward smiled sadly. "Yes. It wasn't until I met you that I began to understand how crazy love can make people. Love makes us do things we wouldn't normally do."

"And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays," Bella quoted.

"What?"

"Shakespeare," Bella replied with a shrug. "That doesn't make it right," she pointed out.

"No, it doesn't make it right." Edward agreed.

They were silent again as they walked. Both of them watched Alexis until they reached a dead end. Then, after turning, they headed back to the house.

"I can't fault you for leaving," Edward said. "I understand why you did. I treated you horribly, and you have every right to hate me."

Bella sighed. "I don't hate you, Edward," she said.

Now it was Edward's turn to be surprised. "You don't?"

It was as if a light had been switched on for Edward. Bella could see it on his face.  
>"I know you are trying, it's just that..."<p>

Edward cut her off. "You can't forgive me. I understand, and I hope that someday, you can."  
>It was at moments like this that Bella remembered just how fragile Edward was. Despite the tough exterior, he was still the little boy who'd watched his father beat his mother. The sincerity in his voice tugged at Bella's heart and created small cracks in the wall she'd built, but not enough for her to forgive him right on the spot.<p>

When they returned to the house, Edward said his goodbyes for the evening. As he drove away, Bella thought about the divorce papers that were mocking her from her cupboard. She hadn't filed them yet. These past few weeks, Bella and Edward had gotten into a sort of routine, and Bella was afraid that the divorce papers might shake things up for the worse.

Later that night, after everyone had retired, Bella sat awake in her room. Alexis was already fast asleep beside her. After Renee had moved to Forks, she had moved into Alexis's room, and Alexis had moved in with Bella. Tonight, she was glad for the comfort of her daughter. Bella gripped the divorce papers in her left hand while a pen sat in the other.

She'd filled out the information, and that was needed was her signature. No matter how many times she tried to get her hand to sign, it wouldn't comply. She couldn't understand why.

As she sat in bed, Alexis's breathing the only sound, Bella began to weigh the pros and cons. The biggest pro was that it meant freedom. It meant that after four years of being tied to Edward, she would finally be able to sever the last tie. The biggest con was that this could blow up in her face. It could end badly not just for her but for Alexis as well. But she didn't want her fear to be a deciding factor. She'd never been one to be intimidated by Edward, and she didn't want to start now.

* * *

><p>"<em>You're pregnant?" Eryn asked, her voice travelling around the kitchen.<em>

"_Shhh," Bella said. As per her usual schedule, Bella had gone to housing the first opportunity she got. Even though the room was empty aside from her, Eryn and Mrs. Miller, she didn't want to run the risk one of the other maids overhearing. She hadn't regretted telling Eryn and Mrs. Miller. They were her only confidants, and she knew they would keep it a secreat._

_Eryn looked at her shocked. "Did you tell Edward?" she asked._

"_No."_

"_Why not?"_

_Bella sighed. "What do you expect me to say? Oh Edward, can you stop hitting me for a moment, I have news to tell you. Despite how fucked up our relationship is already, it's about to get even more messed up."_

"_Well, I wouldn't start with that," Eryn said with a shrug._

"_Besides, why would he care?" Bella said as she began to draw patterns on the dining room table with her finger. She could feel her eyes filling with tears, but she blinked them back, refusing to let them fall. Tears never solved anything._

_She felt a soft hand rubbing her back. When she looked up, she saw Mrs. Miller standing beside her. The woman had been quiet during her and Eryn's conversation. A small smile came to the old woman's face._

"_It will be okay," she whispered._

"_How do you know that?"Bella asked. She was desperate for some small shred of hope._

"_By remembering that this is a gift, not a curse." Mrs. Miller pressed her hand gently to Bella's stomach. She was showing only slightly. Nothing that would alert anyone to the fact that she was pregnant._

_Bella tried to smile, but she was too afraid to look at any of the positives._

_A light knock behind them made Bella jump slightly. The same man from security who had followed her down to housing was standing in the doorway. If he'd heard their conversation, he gave no indication to it._

"_Mrs. Cullen, Mr. Cullen has asked me to tell you that the two of you will be attending a formal dinner tonight. He said Rosalie will be over sometime later today to help you get ready." With one breif nod, he returned to his spot outside the front door._

_Even though the guard hadn't said it, Bella knew that by helping get ready, Edward had meant that Rosalie was going to help her hide her bruises. She briefly thought about ignoring Edward's request but a small bout of nauseousness reminded her that that was not a good idea._

"_A formal dinner?" Bella asked, confused._

"_The Cullen family dinner," Eryn said. "It will be at Carlisle and Esme's house. They host it every year. I'll be on duty there tonight."_

"_Why is Edward making me go?" Bella asked. "I thought I was his dirty little secreat."_

_Eryn shrugged. "Do you know what you're going to do about the baby?" Eyrn asked. "You can't hide your pregnancy forever."_

"_I don't know. As sick as it sounds, I want to keep the baby, but it would be cruel to bring a child into this world."_

"_Well, you don't have to figure it out now," Eyrn reminded her. "I'll help you, the best I can, with whatever you choose."_

"_Thanks," Bella said with a smile._

_Glancing at the clock, Bella saw it was just after five. She didn't know what time Rosalie would be there, but she was tired and wanted to rest before she arrived. With final goodbyes to Eryn and Mrs. Miller, Bella returned to the house. No sooner had her head hit the pillow was there a knock at the bedroom door announcing Rosalie's arrival. It seemed the nap would have to wait._

_Dressed elegantly in a midnight blue gown, Rosalie was an image of beauty. If it wasn't for the large amount of makeup she had on, she would have been perfect. Rosalie sat mostly silent on the couch in the bedroom while Bella showered and changed. Besides polite conversations every few minutes, neither woman spoke. Wrapped in a bathrobe, Bella sat silent on the toilet seat as Rosalie began applying makeup and concealer to her face and arms to mask the bruises._

_While applying makeup to Bella's neck, Bella grabbed Rosalie's hand, halting her movements._

"_How do you do it?" she asked._

"_Do what?"_

"_How can you still be with Emmett despite how he treats you? How do you take it?"_

_Rosalie pulled her hand away from Bella and stood upright. Her gaze was locked with Bella's. Her expression wasn't harsh, but it still held intensity mixed in when just a hint of sadness._

"_I love him," Rosalie said simply. "And I know deep down, he loves me as well."_

_Bella looked at her in shock. Part of her wanted to shake Rosalie and yell that a man beating her was not a proof of love, but Bella held herself back from doing so. Rosalie was one of the very few people in the Cullen family who didn't terrify her or hate her, and she didn't want that to change._

"_How do you know?" was what she asked instead._

_Rosalie seemed stumped for a moment by Bella's question. "I just know. I'm holding on to the hope that he'll change, but until then, I'm willing to endure it. Do you understand?"_

_Even though Bella nodded, she didn't understand, and she never could. Rosalie was using love as a good enough reason to stay with Emmett. That would never be enough for Bella. Sometimes love was not enough._

"_Well that should do it," Rosalie said, closing the makeup compact._

_Standing, Bella looked at her reflection. She could barely recognize the person staring back at her. With the makeup hiding the bruises that Edward had left on her, she looked like Rosalie and Esme. She briefly wondered if now she was a officially Cullen woman._

_Bella didn't know how she was supposed to dress for the evening, but with Rosalie's help she was able to choose suitable attire— a black sleeveless dress that ran to her ankles. After helping her choose a pair of heels which Bella dubbed the death trap, Rosalie left her alone._

_Sitting at the foot of the bed, Bella couldn't slow her mind down. Her thoughts seemed to jumble together, creating a blur. She was nervous about tonight. She was terrified of the future._

"_I wonder if these are the challenges my teachers use to talk about in high school," Bella said softly to herself._

"_What?" Looking up, she saw Edward standing by the door. He was dressed in a black tuxedo, without the tie, and with his usual unruly hair, he took Bella's breath away. Not even his behaviour could make Bella immune to the drop-dead beauty that is Edward Cullen. He was irresistible, and under different circumstances, Bella would have been proud to have him as her husband._

_To his question, she replied, "Nothing. Where did you dress?"_

_She hadn't heard him arrive, and he definitely hadn't been wearing that when he left this morning._

"_One of the maids left it in the guest room for me. I figured you would be a while." His eyes ran the length of her body from head to toe._

_He walked over to her, and pulling her to him, he wrapped his arms around her waist. Then he pressed his lips to her forehead. "Even with all that makeup, you are still an image of beauty."_

_In another life, Bella would have melted at his words. Now she just felt dirty. She stiffened in his arms._

"_Are you ready?" he asked._

_Bella didn't trust her voice not to reply sarcastically, so she nodded instead. Holding her hand, he led her out the bedroom door, down the stairs and out into the front yard where security was waiting beside an SUV. Edward climbed into the back seat with Bella. The driver and another guard sat up front._

_They rode in silence for a few minutes, then, taking her hand, Edward began to rub the back of it softly as he spoke._

"_You know not to try anything tonight, right?" he asked. His voice had a calm, dangerous edge to it. Again, under other circumstances, Bella would have replied with a sarcastic comment, but now was not the time to test Edward's patience, so she just nodded in response._

_He looked at her with surprise._

"_What?" she asked._

"_Nothing."_

_Letting go of her hand, Edward pressed his hand against her thigh, and then under her knee. In one quick movement, he pulled her until she was laying beneath him on the backseat of the SUV. Bella's eyes widened in surprise. They were not alone, and for a moment, she couldn't believe he was doing this in front of security. Then she remembered, they were on his team. They didn't care._

_Leaning forward, Edward pressed his hand against her cheek and then ran it down her neck. Bella tensed underneath him. Even though she wasn't showing yet, she was terrified that he would notice something different about her._

_She laid her hand against his chest to push him away, but he took both of her hands in his and held them above her head in one of his. He held her cheek gently as he pressed his lips roughly against hers. Bella tried to resist his temptation, but Edward had always yielded a type of power over her body. So much that she couldn't stop herself from reacting. After a moment, she stopped fighting and instead melted into his touch. She felt Edward smile against her lips._

"_No matter how much you try to resist it, your body will always react to my touch." Then, holding her face even more tightly, he added, "And my touch only."_

_His green eyes seemed to blaze at his words. Letting go of her hands, he sat up and backed away from her, just as the car came to a stop. Bella sat up and attempted to control her breathing. He was always leaving her breathless._

_One of the guards who had been sitting up front got out and opened the door for them. Taking her hand, Edward helped her out of the car._

_He pressed his lips to her forehead and whispered, "Remember, don't try anything. Security will be keeping an eye on you for me."_

_His threat was an instant repellant to the buzz Bella had felt by the way he'd been touching her in the back seat. Now, she was able to clear her head and remember that she hated him._

_As Edward led her towards the back of the house, Bella got a good look at her surroundings. Carlisle and Esme had gone all out for this occasion. The house had been elegantly decorated. A number of guests stood around chatting with each other. There was a swarm of servants catering to all the guests' needs. As they walked by, Edward stopped to chat with a few people. Remembering Edward's threat from earlier, Bella remained on her best behaviour. She was determined not to get on Edward's bad side. A few of the guests spoke to her briefly, but she mainly kept quiet during the interactions. Bella didn't know who the people in attendance were, but they immediately set her on edge. Any idea she had of maybe getting help from one of them was squashed right away. These were Carlisle's people. They came from the bad side of the law as well._

_Entering from the back, Edward led her down a hallway and into a massive dining room. It was not the same dining room that they had had dinner in the last time they were there. This one was much larger. The room was filled with guests seated at various tables throughout the room._

"_Mr. Cullen and Mrs. Cullen, welcome." a waiter said as they entered. "If you would just follow me, I will lead you to your table."_

_With a small bow of respect, the waiter led them to a table in the center of the room._

"_Oh, no," Bella whispered softly to herself when she saw Esme was seated at the table with Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett. The only reprieve was that she was sat next to Rosalie instead of Esme. It didn't stop her mother-in-law from shooting her an occasional look of contempt._

"_Geez, did a house fall on her sister?" Bella mumbled softly to herself._

_Just like the last time she'd been in their company, Bella sat silently as Edward spoke to his father and brother, and Rosalie spoke to Esme. Rosalie would now and again include Bella in their conversation, but for the most part she was left alone._

_The sound of someone clearing their throat and a microphone being moved brought everyone's attention to the front of the room where a bald-headed man dressed in a grey suit stood on top of a podium._

_He smiled warmly at the crowd, and when he spoke, he had a slight accent. Bella couldn't pinpoint where it came from._

"_Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. It is such a great pleasure for you to join us here today so we can celebrate as business associates and friends." He smiled again at the crowd, and Bella had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. She wasn't here as either a business associate or a friend._

"_As some of you know, many years ago, the United States was once the largest black market country in the world. With an estimated worth of more than one trillion dollars, the US was indeed on top of its game. But as of recent times, that has changed. But," he seemed to pause for dramatic effect. "Now I am pleased to say the US is once again emerging from the ashes and reclaiming its throne."_

_There was a small nod of approval from the guests. Bella couldn't help the look of shock on her face. It shouldn't have surprised her, what this dinner party was about, but somehow it did._

"_Together, we are helping it reclaim the throne. When we were separated, our enemies had a chance of overcoming us, but together, we will not be defeated. So tonight I'd like to offer a toast." He made a small gesture with his hands, and suddenly there was a fluster of waiters and maids about the room, handing everyone a glass of champagne._

_Eryn appeared by their table with a tray of champagne glasses. There was no water on the table, and Bella didn't want to ask for it instead, afraid that it would make Edward, or worse, Esme, suspicious._

_Eryn handed everyone their drink, and then handed Bella the last one._

_Bella gave Eryn a wide-eyed look. She knew Bella couldn't drink alcohol._

"_It's Golden Star Tea," Eryn whispered, barely moving her lips._

"_What?" Bella whispered back._

"_It has no alcohol in it. Just drink it," Eryn whispered before walking away._

"_To the alliances we have made and to the bright future ahead," the man said, raising his glass._

_Bella raised her glass along with everyone else. Then when it was time to take a drink, she took a small sniff before tasting it. She'd never heard of that drink before and wasn't sure if she'd heard Eryn correctly. It didn't smell like it had alcohol._

_She took a small sip. Despite its odd smell, the jasmine flavored drink was good, and Bella was grateful that Eryn was able to change Bella's drink for her._

"_Now eat, drink, and let's all have a good time." With one last nod, the man left the podium._

_Chatter resumed in the hall as waiters came around again and served everyone the main meal. Luckily for Bella, her stomach had settled greatly since the last time she'd had dinner with the Cullens, so she was able to enjoy the meal, even if the company wasn't so pleasant._

_Whereas before, Bella had been ignoring the conversation Carlisle was having with Edward, for the first time tonight, Bella began to really listen in._

"_I'm not saying you can't do things your way, Edward. I'm just saying that there are a lot of easier ways."_

"_Illegal ways," Edward clarified._

"_Since when have you made the distinction?" Carlisle said, his eyes landing on Bella._

_Bella felt Edward lay a hand on her thigh under the table and squeeze it lightly. Edward was about to answer when the man who had been giving the speech walked over and greeted Carlisle and Edward._

_Bella used this moment to excuse herself from the table. She was sure not to catch Edward's eyes as she left._

_The Chicago air hit Bella like a tidal wave. She'd been feeling so confined inside, it was a relief to be outside again. There were a few people smoking outside. Choosing a spot away from them, Bella walked over to the balcony. She didn't know how long she would have peace before Edward came outside to find her, so she did her best to enjoy the moment. But it was short-lived._

"_Hello," a male voice said from behind her. Turning, Bella came face to face with a pair of black eyes._

"_Hi," Bella said, uncertainty in her voice. She'd seen him inside, but she didn't know how he fit into Edward's twisted life._

"_My name is Jacob," he said, holding out his hand._

"_Bella." She took Jacob's hand, and they shook briefly._

_Recognition dawned on Jacob's face. "Yes, Bella. I've heard about you."_

_Bella looked at him with surprise. "You have?" She wasn't aware that anyone in the Cullen's circle of friends knew she existed._

"_Of course," Jacob said, then realisation dawned on him. "Edward never told you about me."_

"_Sorry, no."_

_Jacob sighed sadly. "I guess I can understand why. Just like you, I'm the Cullen family secreat. Then he appraised Bella with sad eyes. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for what they are putting you through. It's not fair, and if there was a way for me to help you, I would. But if I try to, it would only end badly for you." He looked at Bella with deep regret. "They are harsh people, the Cullens."_

"_I appreciate the gesture, but what do you mean, you're a Cullen family secreat as well?"_

_Jacob opened his mouth to respond, but the sound of a throat clearing behind him made him stop._

"_Just like Carlisle, he can sense when another person is encroaching on his territory," Jacob said without turning. He knew Edward stood behind him._

_Bella could see that there was a dangerous, hard edge in Edward's eyes. It seemed Possiveward had come out to play._

_Walking around Jacob, he wrapped an arm around Bella's waist. His hand landed on her stomach._

"_Jacob," Edward said. The hard edge was in his voice as well._

_Jacob just smiled in response. "Edward. Good to see you. I see you have that wife of yours under a tight leash."_

"_That is none of your business," Edward replied._

_Bella wasn't sure how Edward and Jacob were connected, but what she did know was that there was definitely some bad blood between them._

_Jacob's smile just grew broader. He looked at Bella instead. Edward's arm tightened slightly around her._

"_You take care of yourself," Jacob said. Then with one last glance at Edward, he walked away._

_Edward's angry expression didn't disappear when Jacob was gone. He looked at Bella with narrowed eyes._

"_Dance with me," he said, after a moment. Letting go of her waist, he held out his hand to her. It wasn't a request. It was a command, daring Bella to deny him. They both knew, no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't. It could create a scene which would only end badly for her. With deep indignation she took his outstretched hand. It didn't escape her that he was gripping onto her hand tighter than was necessary._

_He led her back inside where Bella saw that just on the other side of the hall, an area had been cleared for dancing. A live band that she hadn't noticed before was providing the music. There were several couples already there. Edward led her over, then, wrapping his arm around her waist, he pulled her tightly against his body. His other hand held hers firmly._

_As they moved, Bella got a good view of the guests in the hall. All of them were business men, and now, because of the speech that had been given, she understood what kind of business._

_This was Edward's life, Bella realised with a deep, sinking feeling. Any children that were born from them would be inadvertently be brought into the mix. It would be cruel to not only bring a child into a life of abuse, but also into the Cullens' life. Even if Edward didn't deal directly in it, he was still a part of it through Carlisle. The more Bella thought about it, the more her resolve began to solidify. She had to get away, not only to save herself, but also the baby inside of her._

_As the song finished, Edward led Bella back over to their table. An elderly man struck up conversation with Edward before they could sit down. When she was sure Edward was preoccupied with the man, Bella excused herself from them, saying she needed to use the restroom._

_Instead of taking the path to the terrace where she'd met Jacob, Bella walked along the corridors. It was quiet, so her steps echoed as she walked. When she came to the room she'd been looking for, she felt someone standing not far from her. One of Edward's security guards had followed her out of the hall and was now standing a few feet away. Ignoring his presence, Bella opened the door and silently slipped in._

"_I'll leave the door open so you don't have to follow me in," Bella told the guard. He watched her for a moment, then with a nod, he stood silently just opposite to the door._

_The library was quiet. A small fire burned in the fireplace. Surrounded by the familiar smell of books, Bella felt comforted for the first time that evening. This was what she knew. Just for a moment, she allowed herself to forget everything else. Even if the books weren't hers, the familiarity of it was just enough._

_No sooner had she sat down in one of the chairs in front of the fire did Eryn enter. Even though she'd been hoping for some isolation, she didn't mind Eryn's company._

"_I saw you leave the party. I'm surprised Edward let you go," she said, taking a seat opposite Bella._

"_Did you see the guard out there? Technically, he hasn't."_

_There were both silent for a moment. The only sound in the room was the crackling of the fire._

"_I can't stay," Bella whispered to Eryn. She wasn't sure if the guard outside could hear her, but she kept her voice low just in case. Her voice was filled with tears. "I have to get out of here."_

"_How?" Eryn asked. "This place is like Hotel California. You can never leave."_

"_I don't know. I'll figure something out, but staying here just isn't an option."_

"_But where will you go?"_

_Pressing her head into her hands, Bella had to fight back tears. "I don't know. I can't go home. That is the first place he'll look. I'll have to go out on my own, I guess."_

_It broke Bella's heart to know that she wouldn't be able to go home. She had not forgotten the pain all of this would cause her mother, but it was a sacrifice she had to make. Going home wasn't even an option._

_Just the thought of facing this world on her own terrified Bella, but she didn't have time to stop and contemplate the fear. With the threat of Edward behind her, going forward was her only option._

"_But if you do leave, what do you think Edward will do?" Eryn asked._

_Bella looked at her, confused. "What do you mean?"_

"_I mean, he'd obviously look for you."_

_Bella shook her head. "Carlisle only looked for Esme to hand the kids over. He didn't want her back. Edward isn't any different. I'm sure he'll move on."_

_Eryn didn't look convinced. "What if he does look, and he finds you?"_

_Bella shrugged. "It wouldn't hurt to try. If I fail then, at least I gave it my all."_

_The deep fear running through her body contradicted the brave words she spoke. Deep down, she was terrified. So much could go wrong, and this was just an idea. She had to get away from him first before the fear of him finding her could be brought to the surface._

"_I'll help you find a way," Eryn said as a way of comfort._

_Bella could only manage a small smile. "Thanks."_

_The only one comfort in all of this was the idea that, for the first time, she had a set plan. Leaving hadn't been on her mind much before. She'd accepted that until Edward grew bored with her, she would be stuck with him. She hated that acceptance, and it bothered her for a long time. Now, she was doing something about it. In the form of a baby that wasn't even born yet, she'd found someone worth fighting for._

* * *

><p>Somewhere along the line, Bella had blinked, and before she knew it, the end of July was upon her. The end of July also brought with it the end of another semester. On Friday afternoon, walking out of her last class for the semester with Sebastian by her side, she felt a small sense of euphoria.<p>

"Someone's in a good mood," he said, smiling as he nudged her slightly.

Bella laughed. "The end of a semester always brings glee."

"Can't deny that."

They both laughed.

"What are you doing tonight?" he asked.

"I have nothing planned except the usual," Bella replied, unsure where he was going with this.

"Would you like to go out for a celebratory drink with me tonight? I know this really nice place in Port Angeles."

Bella blinked, surprised. He'd caught her completely off guard.

"You mean like a date?" she asked, uncertainty in her voice.

Sebastian smiled. "As a date or just as friends." He shrugged. "Either way is fine by me."  
>There was no hint of criticism or double entendre in his voice. He'd really meant in whichever way she wanted.<p>

"I'll go with you as friends," Bella said.

There was no change in Sebastian's voice when he replied.

"Okay. Would you like me to pick you up around seven?"

"How about I meet you at your house around seven, and we could go from there," Bella said. By now they had reached to Bella's truck. As Bella climbed in, Sebastian answered.

"Okay."

After shutting the door for her, he said, "I'll see you then."

When Bella arrived home, the sound of Alexis yelling, "Mommy!" greeted her. No sooner had she closed the truck's door did she feel a small pair of arms wrap around her legs. Alexis had a way of greeting people as if she hadn't seen them in a long time.

"Hi," Bella said as she hugged her.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Edward standing on the front porch. They greeted each other politely as she walked up to him. Even if things between them weren't peachy, they refused to show their hostility in front of Alexis.

Leaving Alexis outside with Edward, Bella went inside the house to look for Renee. She found her humming to herself as she worked on her latest baking experiment.

"Hey, sweetie. How was class?" Renee asked.

"It was good. The last class of the semester is always the best," Bella said as she eyed the mixing bowl Renee was stirring. Bella pitied the poor soul who would be Renee's next taste tester.

"Mom, can you watch Alexis for me tonight?" Bella asked.

Renee didn't even bother to hide the surprise on her face. "Oh, you're going out?" she asked.

"Yes. Why does that surprise you?" Bella asked with a laugh.

"No reason," Renee said with a shrug. "Can I ask who you're going out with?"

"Sebastian," Bella replied.

Bella saw a flicker of something in Renee's eyes. "Oh, okay. It's no problem for me to watch Alexis for you. She can be my taster," Renee said holding up the bowl.

"Thanks. I'm sure Alexis will be very excited," Bella replied sarcastically.

Most nights, Edward would leave while Bella was getting Alexis ready for bed. Sometimes, Alexis would plead for him to stay and read her a bedtime story. Bella would always relent, and Edward would stay until Alexis had fallen asleep. Tonight, Bella hoped for the former. She didn't want Edward knowing she had plans. Even though she was determined to not let Edward's jealousy rule her life, she still understood how fragile Edward was, and she didn't want to flaunt her friendship with Sebastian in front of him. Unfortunately, the odds didn't work in her favour, and Alexis requested that Edward read to her tonight.

After dressing Alexis for bed, Bella stood in the hallway, hugging her goodnight.

"I'll be back before you wake up tomorrow," Bella promised.

She had expected some resistance from Alexis, but besides the slight quivering of her lip, she took the separation in stride. The same could not be said about Edward.

"You're going out?" he asked. He'd been in the kitchen, and Bella hadn't heard him come into the hallway.

Bella was still hugging Alexis when she looked at Edward.

"Yes," Bella replied.

"Oh," was all he said, but by the look of devastation in his eyes, Bella knew there was much more he wanted to say.

"Renee said she would watch her for me," Bella told him.

Edward just nodded. Even though he had succeeded in keeping his face void of any emotion, Bella could see it in his eyes. Somehow, he knew who she was going out with, and it pained him. Just for a moment, Bella contemplated cancelling her plans, but she kicked that idea out right away. She refused to let Edward dictate her life. He would have to get used to the idea that she was no longer his. He did not voice his opinions as Bella bid them all goodnight and left.

It was a little after seven when Bella stopped in front of Sebastian's house. The moment she did, he stepped outside and waved to her. After parking her truck in his driveway, Bella followed him to his car.

"How are you?" he asked as they climbed into his car.

Bella shrugged. "Good."

"Still feeling the end-of-another-semester-buzz?"

Bella couldn't help but smile. "For sure."

Sebastian was so easy going and such a nice person that conversation between them flowed naturally as they made their way to Port Angeles. The tiny town was quiet as they made their way to the bar.

"Here we are," Sebastian said, parking between two cars along the street. Looking around, Bella saw that several of the shops doors were closed for the night except for one. A sign over the only open door on the street read, "Delta Rae Nightclub."

"What is this place?" Bella asked as they stepped outside.

"You'll see," Sebastian said.

Compared to the desolate outside, Delta Rae was thronged with people. The room was low lit, and chairs and couches were scattered all around the room. All of them facing towards a stage, where a band was currently playing on stage.

Bella and Sebastian walked over to the bar, which stood towards the back.

"What would you like?" Sebastian asked. "Remember, it's my treat."

Looking at the menu hanging over the bar, Bella was unfamiliar with the listings.

"You decide," she said. "Just not too much alcohol."

Sebastian ordered for them then he led her over to two empty seats in the middle of the room.

"What do you think?" he asked as they sat opposite to each other.

"I like it," Bella said. "Do you come here often?"

"Yes. I find that it helps me clear my head."

Bella could understand why. There was something about the place that was calming. She imagined that if she lived closer to Port Angeles, she might have made this her regular haut. The band on stage was announcing another song, a soft melodic one. The mood of the club seemed to have changed as well.

Out of the corner of her eye, Bella saw that Sebastian was watching her.

"They are really good," Bella commented, indicating the band.

"Yes. They mostly play around Washington state and sometimes down in California. The lead singer's brother owns this place."

Bella nodded, and then turned her attention back to the band.

"So how did Alexis take being away from you tonight?" Sebastian asked after the band had finished another song.

"Surprisingly well. It's the first night in a while that I've been away from her."

"Really? Wow. Drayven wasn't too happy about it, but he was glad to spend the night with his grandparents. His grandfather promised to take him fishing tomorrow."

"I doubt Alexis is having that much fun. Her grandmother is baking again tomorrow so Alexis gets to taste test."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"Not with the way my mother cooks."

Sebastian laughed.

As the band began playing another song, Bella's thoughts took an unexpected turn, and before she could properly phrase the question she wanted to ask, it blurted right out of her. "Do you still see her?" she asked.

"Who?"

"Drayven's mother."

Her question had caught him off guard, causing him to choke slightly on his drink. He was silent for a moment before he answered.

"Yes, sometimes. After she left, she struggled for a bit with drugs. She's been clean for the past several months and has been wanting back into Drayven's and my life, but I refuse to let her."

"Why?"

"I didn't mention this before, but Drayven was born with drugs in his system. I didn't know she was using until he was born. Just thinking about what could have happened— how he could have died? I can't look past that." Sebastian sighed, and Bella immediately felt bad for bringing it up.

"I didn't mean to upset you," she said.

Sebastian smiled. "You didn't upset me. I don't mind answering your questions," he assured her.

"Do you think you'll ever forgive her?" Bella asked.

"Some things are unforgivable and her almost killing him is. Also, I don't believe in dating exes. If it didn't work out the first time, it probably won't work out the second."

Bella understood how he felt about Drayven's mother. It was the same way she felt towards Edward. Sebastian had been giving her advice without him even realising it. The look on Edward's face as she left that night had left her feeling uneasy, and she hated it. It shouldn't matter what he thought, but for some reason, it did.

"I guess for both of us, letting go of our exes was a new beginning," Bella said.

Sebastian smiled. "To new beginnings and the health of our children," he said, holding up his glass.

Bella smiled. Clicking her glass with his, she replied, "Cheers."

* * *

><p><strong>So, who saw Breaking Dawn Part 2?<strong>

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix****

****Special thanks to**** ******BelleDuJour ****and ********hammondgirl**


	19. Human

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong><strong><em><strong>The Velveteen Rabbit<strong> (or **How Toys Become Real**) is rightfully owned by Margery Williams, and no copyright infringement is intended. _****

****_If you've never read it, try giving it a chance. It is a really beautiful book.  
><em>****

* * *

><p><strong>"The marks humans leave are too often scars." <strong>

**- John Green  
><strong>

**Chapter 18**

**Human**

Edward could hear the groan and splutter of Bella's truck as she pulled away from the curb. When the sound had faded into the distance, Edward reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He briefly checked to make sure that Alexis and Renee were out of earshot.

Dean picked up on the first ring.

"I need you to follow Bella," Edward said, not waiting for Dean to start speaking.

"Yes, sir," Dean answered. After working for Edward for so long, he was unfazed by Edward's frankness.

"But keep your distance. I don't want her to know you're following her."

If Bella knew that she was being followed, it would not end well. Even though she hadn't mentioned him by name, Edward knew she was going out with Sebastian. It seemed he hadn't been wrong in guessing her relationship with him. Edward tried desperately to justify his reason for having her followed. He didn't trust Sebastian, and he needed to know that she would be safe. But even as he tried to reason it out, he knew it wasn't true. He knew he was sending Dean to spy on _her._

"Is there anything else?" Dean asked.

"No, that's it."

After hanging up, Edward went into the living room where Alexis was waiting for him.

"Read this one!" Alexis said, holding up a book with a rabbit on the cover. The book had seen better days. The cover was faded and a few pages were ripped. Nevertheless, it was Alexis' favourite.

Edward couldn't help but groan slightly. He'd read that book so many times that he didn't need the book to remember how it went.

"Are you sure you don't want another one?" Edward asked.

"No, this one," Alexis insisted.

Pulling Alexis onto his lap, Edward took the book from her and began to read the familiar pages. Alexis had her ragged bear gripped in her arms.

Towards the end of the book, Edward stumbled upon the quote that had became all too familiar. Even though he'd memorized it by then, it wasn't until he read it out loud to Alexis that night that he slowly began to understand it.

_"__"__What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"__  
><em>_"__Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.""_

"Mommy said he's real," Alexis said, holding up her bear.

"He's got the shabby part down," Edward said, before he continued.

When the story was finished, they both sat in silence for a moment. This was usually the time when Bella would come in and put Alexis to bed. Edward wondered if, seeing as Bella wasn't there, if he would have to do it.

Alexis was so quiet that Edward has assumed she'd fallen asleep. It wasn't until he checked that he saw her eyes were wide open.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" Alexis asked.

"I don't think I can," Edward said. "Your grandmother will stay with you tonight."

"But I want you to stay with me," Alexis begged.

Out of the corner of his eye, Edward saw Renee standing in the doorway.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Edward promised her. "And your mommy will be here before you wake up."

"But I want you," Alexis said.

Edward sighed. It wasn't that he would mind spending the night with Alexis, it was more that he was positive Bella wouldn't be happy.

Edward looked towards Renee, who shrugged. "I don't mind," she said. "I'll grab some blankets from the cupboard, and you could make up the couch."

A few minutes later, ignoring the voice in his head that whispered that it was a bad idea, Edward found himself lying beneath the covers on Bella's couch, a sleeping Alexis on his chest. Alexis had refused to let Renee put her to bed.

Edward sighed again, hoping that Bella wouldn't be too put out.

For the next two hours, Edward couldn't stop himself from glancing, every few minutes, at the clock hanging on the wall. Bella hadn't said what time she would be returning home; she just promised Alexis she would be back before she woke up.

A small thump at the side of the couch made Edward jump slightly. Edward shifted Alexis slightly, then, reaching to the floor, Edward's hand came in contact with soft, matted fur. Lifting the object, Edward saw that it was Alexis' bear.

Using the meager light that streamed in through the window, Edward regarded the bear that held so much fascination to Alexis. Really, he couldn't see the appeal. It was so tattered, the bear itself looked like it was ready to be dumped.

"I guess that's what makes him real," Edward mused quietly to himself.

Tucking the bear back underneath Alexis' arm, Edward went back to staring at the clock and listening for the sound of Bella's truck.

When the clock struck two in the morning, Edward's panic reached an all new high. He'd assumed she would be back by then.

Pulling out his phone, he dialled Dean's number.

"Good evening, Mr. Cullen," Dean said, greeting Edward.

"Are you still following Bella?" Edward asked, careful to keep his voice down so as not to wake Alexis or Renee.

"Yes."

"Where is she now?" Edward asked.

"She's currently at a residence not far from her home."

Edward felt his breath catch. "Is she alone?" He was afraid of the answer.

"No, sir. She entered the house with a gentleman."

At Dean's words, Edward felt a pain course through his body. It started in his chest, then seemed to sweep through him. She'd gone home with Sebastian. His worst fears had been realised. She had chosen him.

Edward hung up the phone without telling Dean goodbye.

The tick-tick of the clock seemed so much louder as Edward fought to catch his breath. Panic and pain had seized him, and it wasn't letting go. Resting his hand on Alexis' back, Edward used the timing of her soft breathing to regain control of his own.

It took several minutes, but he was able to regain his composure, but when that settled, the heartbreak came in waves. One after the other. Each one worse than the last. The only thing that kept him from screaming out loud was the sleeping child on his chest. Alexis was blissfully unaware of the pain her mother was causing her father.

Edward had known there was a possibility Bella would chose Sebastian over him; after all, Sebastian wasn't the one who kidnapped her, locked her away and tore away her future. Sebastian wasn't the one who'd given Bella a reason to build the wall she protected herself behind.

It was all on Edward.

But even with his reasoning, Edward's ego was in full swing. He didn't care that Sebastian had never hurt her. He didn't care that he, Edward, didn't deserve her. None of that mattered. All he knew was that he loved her. He loved her with the sort of love that blinded him to all rational thinking. He loved her with the sort of love that, even if she didn't love him back, he loved her anyway.

He couldn't let Sebastian come in and ruin everything. He wouldn't let Sebastian take away the love of his life. It was the same thing that had happened all those years ago that had led him to have her kidnapped. Someone had stepped in and was infringing on what belonged to him.

The same green-eyed monster that had reared its ugly head when Tyler was encroaching on his turf, reared its head again now that Sebastian was doing it.

Then a single thought ran through Edward's head that made his blood run cold.

Was she sleeping with him?

Just when Edward thought the pain couldn't get any worse, it did. The thought of Sebastian, or any man, being with Bella intimately made him sick. It wounded him even more than he thought was possible.

The universe had finally caught up to Edward and was dishing him back an ounce of the pain he'd caused Bella. Alexis shifting slightly on his chest pulled him from his thoughts. Edward realised, with a sinking feeling, that now that Bella and Sebastian had gotten together, that meant Sebastian would be more a part of Alexis' life. That was a jagged pill to swallow.

Edward remembered what Esme had said about challenging Bella for custody. He knew for a fact that his name was not on Alexis' birthpaper, but with enough money and influence, that wouldn't be a problem.

Edward stopped his thoughts from going any further. It was one thing to be angry at Bella. It was an entirely different thing to take it out on Alexis. No matter how much Bella hurt him, he wouldn't do that to her or Alexis.

Edward wished he could carve his heart out of his chest, so he wouldn't have to feel anymore. Loving Bella hurt too much.

At some point during his inner turmoil, sleep took over Edward, and the soft sound of a door clicking shut, woke him the next morning. Glancing at the clock, Edward saw that it was a few minutes after five.

Slipping out carefully and quietly from under Alexis, Edward went out into the hallway.

There he saw Bella leaning against the front door. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw him. At the sight of her, Edward felt another piece of his heart breaking off.

"What are you still doing here?" she asked, unaware of the pain she was causing him.

It took several moments before Edward could find his voice. "I want to talk to you outside," he said quietly.

Bella's eyebrow rose in surprise at his tone. She knew something was up, but she still opened the front door and let him lead her outside.

Bella followed him to the end of the driveway where her truck was parked. There he rounded on her. Pain and anger etched on his face.

"Did you sleep with him?" Edward demanded.

Bella looked confused for a moment, then her eyes narrowed.

"What I did is none of your business," she snapped.

"Yes it is," Edward seethed. "We are still married."

Bella scoffed. "Still playing the old marriage card? Time to get a new defense, Edward."

"You didn't answer my question," Edward said. "Did you sleep with him?"

"I don't have to answer anything. We might share a daughter, but that is it. I told you there is nothing between us."

Edward was speechless. All the times Bella had told there wasn't anything between them, he'd chalked it up to her anger. To her denying her feelings. Now he was really beginning to see. Bella was determined to move on, and he was left licking his wounds.

Edward felt another crack in his heart. He didn't know what more he could say, so with one last look at Bella, he got into his car and left. He couldn't be there anymore. He just had to get away.

When he arrived back at his house, for some reason, the silence that met him caused him to lose it. Picking up a vase that was on a table next to the entryway, Edward threw it at the wall. Then walking into the living room, he upturned a small table. Picking up one of the small wooden chairs in the living room, he began smashing it against the wall, but no matter how many times he tried to vent his anger and frustration on the furniture, it wasn't enough to ease the pain.

The ringing of his home phone distracted him for a moment. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. After a few rings it stopped, only to start back again. After ringing for the fourth consecutive time, Edward grew irritated and answered it.

"What?" he snapped, not caring who was on the other line.

"Edward?" Esme's voice came through. Her voice sounded odd, like she'd been crying.

"What is it?" he asked, taking some of the edge out of his voice.

"Carlisle's dead," she said, her voice choking up as she uttered those words.

"What?" Edward's brain was moving annoyingly slow.

"He left last night and said he had a meeting to go to. When it was late, and he still hadn't returned, I still didn't worry. It wasn't until late morning when one of the maids found his body on the front porch. It looks like he'd been shot." Esme's voice faded into a sob at the end.

Edward couldn't believe it. He knew he shouldn't feel any type of sadness; after all, Carlisle had been more of a tyrant than a father, but that didn't stop the emotions from coming.

Passing his hand through his hair, Edward was at a loss for words. What stumped him above all else was the devastation in Esme's voice.

"Can you fly back to Chicago?" Esme asked.

Edward didn't answer for a moment. He didn't like the idea of leaving Bella and Alexis, but he couldn't leave Esme to go through this alone. He doubted that, even now, any of his brothers would care. As usual, that left just him.

"I'll fly back later today," he sighed.

"Thank you," Esme replied. Her voice was still heavy with tears.

Esme's reaction to Carlisle's death both baffled and intrigued Edward. On the one hand, he couldn't understand why, after everything he'd done to her, Esme would still shed tears for the monster who controlled her life, while on the other hand, it made Edward wonder if, even a little bit, despite everything he'd done to her, if Bella would still feel something for him.

Edward threw the phone on the couch and collapsed next to it. After rubbing his hand over his face, he sighed sadly. Everything was coming on too fast. He briefly wondered if Emmett or Jasper would make an appearance in Chicago, but he doubted it. Not even the death of their father could make them show interest.

He knew Jasper was having problems with Alice, and it wouldn't be the first time Emmett wasn't there when a loved one needed him.

* * *

><p><em>Not surprisingly, Bella was silent as they left the dinner later that night. She'd spent the majority of the time as far from him as possible, and on the brief moments when he was able to catch up with her, she would look for the first opportunity to slip away.<em>

"_You're awfully quiet," Edward said, as they were driven, by security, back to the house. The streets were dark, and Edward could only see Bella's face when they passed underneath a street light. She looked tired._

_Bella shrugged. She was staring out the window, refusing to meet his eyes. Something was different about her. She looked like she was close to tears. Like one more word would break her._

_When they arrived back at the house, Bella didn't wait for security to open the door before she jumped out. She didn't speak to Edward for the rest of the night, and just like the last several, she joined him in bed without a fight._

_The next day, while he was on his way to work, he got a call from Esme telling him that she had to cancel the lunch they were supposed to have that day. She also had some news. Emmett had gone off on one of his tirades last night, and now Rosalie was in the hospital suffering from a concussion. Esme was going to the hospital to be with Rosalie. Carlisle had gone down to smooth things over at the hospital. In other words, he'd gone down to bribe them into silence. Something he knew all too well about._

_Edward was disturbed after hanging up on Esme. He'd always known Emmett was a volatile person, and he definitely knew that Emmett would take his anger out on Rosalie, but for some reason, the fact that this time Rosalie had ended up in the hospital put him on edge. It brought back repressed memories of when he was younger, and Esme had been hospitalized because of Carlisle. He knew it took a deep set of rage to drive both his father and brother to reach so far, and he wondered if, should the day come that Bella pushed his buttons beyond the usual, he would land her in the hospital as well. The thought sickened him._

_Maybe it was because, as of late, she'd been contained. Maybe it was because his conscience was finally catching up with him. Either way, the realisation of his actions began slowly taking over him._

_Pushing it out of his mind, Edward forced himself to focus on what he had to do that day. He didn't want to open the Door of Morals._

_Later that day, Edward was in his office looking over some final drafts for investments when Carlisle barged in unannounced._

"_You need a new receptionist. This one actually tried to make me wait while she alerted you," Carlisle said, letting himself in and sitting down opposite to Edward without needing to be asked._

"_Yes. Come in. Have a seat," Edward said, sarcasm and disdain heavy in his voice._

_Carlisle gave him a sour smile._

"_What do you want?" Edward asked._

"_I wanted to know if you'd thought more about my proposition. I've been in touch with the Tarasovs, and they are interested in partnering with us."_

_Edward ignored his question. "Did you hear about Rosalie?" he asked._

_Carlisle gave him a confused look. "What?"_

"_She's in the hospital. Apparently, Emmett went overboard. Esme says she's in pretty bad shape."_

"_Oh that," Carlisle said, brushing it off. "I heard about that. Not important."_

_Edward gave Carlisle a disgusted look._

"_What?" Carlisle demanded. "It's not news to me. What did you expect to happen? We always knew Emmett had a temper problem. I don't get why it's such a surprise."_

"_He could have killed her," Edward said. Finally saying what had been bothering him all day._

"_So? What did you expect to happen?"_

"_Aren't you angry with him?" Edward asked, not understanding. "Worried that he could have killed her?"_

"_Why should I be? Why should you be? You do the same to Bella," Carlisle pointed out._

_Edward flinched at the reminder._

_With a deep sigh, Carlisle stood to leave. "I see there's no point talking business with you. I'll call you tomorrow."_

_Then with one last nod, he left Edward to his thoughts. A few more minutes of staring at the door that Carlisle had disappeared through told Edward that it was pointless to try to get any more work done. He paged Leah to have security bring the car around._

_The entire ride home, Edward was antsy. The news about Rosalie had freaked him out. He needed to see Bella. When they arrived at the house, just like Bella had done the night before, Edward didn't wait for security to open the door before he jumped out._

"_Where is she?" Edward asked the first maid he saw._

"_Mrs. Cullen is upstairs," she replied, surprised to see Edward home so early._

_With a brief nod, Edward bounded up the stairs. Pushing open the bedroom door, Edward was surprised to see Bella asleep in bed. He breathed a small sigh of relief. For a moment, Edward contemplated waking her, just to hear her voice, but he decided not to. She didn't need to know how freaked out he was._

_A few days later, when Rosalie was out of the hospital, Edward and Bella went to see her. She was sitting in the living room of her and Emmett's house when they arrived, and when Edward's eyes finally found her, the sight of her stopped him dead in his tracks._

_Rosalie looked really bad. Her face was bruised to the point where it was swollen and purple. There was a small portion of her head that had been shaved, and Edward could see small stitches peeking out._

_Esme had been sitting beside her, and at the sight of them she came forward. She gave Edward a slight hug, and her eyes darted to Bella's, only for a moment._

"_How are you both?" she asked._

_Edward had another question._

"_Where's Emmett?" Edward demanded. It hadn't escaped his notice that his brother was not in the room, and his car was not in the driveway. He couldn't understand why his brother would leave his girlfriend when she needed him the most._

"_He went out with Jasper," Esme said with a shrug while Bella went over to Rosalie._

"_How are you feeling?" Bella asked softly as she sat beside her._

"_I'm okay. Just a little tired." Rosalie's voice sounded as bad as she looked. "The doctor told me to just take it easy." She shrugged like it was no big deal, but really it was._

_Edward had never considered Rosalie's view of all of this before. He didn't understand how she could just brush it off like that, but at the same time, he wasn't surprised. Esme had been doing it all his life. Bella was the only person among the three of them who actually fought back. The only one who refused to take it, and now that he'd seen the result of not fighting back, he started to realise that fighting back wasn't such a bad thing._

_His gaze went to Bella's and his heart seized. A small part of him had always known that raising his hand to her could seriously harm her, but his need and drive for her had always shut the logical side out. It'd worked with his father, and his brothers; he'd assumed it would work with Bella. That if he forced her hand, over time, she would've grown to love him or at least stop fighting him. Somehow he'd pushed aside the realisation that he could really harm her, or worse._

_Watching Rosalie, Edward was met with a better understanding of his ugliness. That little voice in his head that had been whispering to him that he could kill Bella had grown louder, and for the first time, Edward began considering what it said. He loved Bella, it went without saying, but slowly he began to wonder if loving her was reason enough for hurting her. It wasn't, and he was only just beginning to see._

"_Ouch," Edward heard Rosalie cry out._

"_Are you okay?" Bella asked._

_Rosalie just smiled, but Edward could see the slight pain on her face._

"_It's okay. I just moved wrong," she said, brushing it off again._

_Edward and Bella could only stay for an hour before Rosalie's head started aching, so they left her so she could rest. Esme was staying with her. There was still no sign of Emmett._

"_Are you alright?" Bella asked as they drove home. Edward hadn't noticed that she was looking at him funny._

"_I'm fine," he said softly. A raise of her eyebrows showed she didn't believe that but decided to let it go anyway._

_Later that night, no matter how many times he tossed and turned, Edward couldn't get to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he kept seeing Bella's face the first time he'd beaten her. The image had finally broken into his consciousness and was causing chaos in his brain. He turned until he was facing Bella. Sleep had come to her easy tonight._

_Just like every other time, when night would find him awake and her asleep, he used this brief moment to look at her, uninterrupted by her hostile demeanor._

_He never should have taken her. He never should have raised his hand to her, but he did it anyway. He thought that love was reason enough to treat her the way he did; now he was saw that it wasn't. Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper had abused their significant others as well, but they didn't do it out of love. They did it out of control, and the need to be in charge. He'd been following an incorrect example, and look where it had gotten him._

_If Bella hadn't hated him before, she definitely hated him now. It was a hatred he deserved. He just hoped it wasn't too late to undo the pain he'd caused. To show her that he really did love her. Edward swore to himself in that moment, to never hurt Bella again, the way he'd hurt her before._

_Love just wasn't reason enough anymore._

* * *

><p>When Edward passed by Bella's house the next day, he saw that her truck wasn't there. She didn't have school or work and Alexis didn't have camp, so he went in search of them. After combing through the various places they frequented, he found them at the local playground not far from their house. Alexis was off playing, and Bella sat nearby watching her.<p>

They hadn't spoken since the day before. The pain was still raw for Edward, but he pushed it aside for the moment. Everything was happening too fast for him to properly process it.

Bella didn't look at him, even when he was right beside her. It seemed she didn't need to process her feelings. She knew she was still mad at him.

"Do you mind if I sit?" he asked, indicating to the spot beside her. She gave him a hard look. Her subtle way of saying no.

"Okay then," Edward said sensing the hostility, but sitting anyway.

Bella remained silent, her gaze focused on Alexis who hadn't noticed Edward's arrival.

After a brief moment, Edward sighed. "I'm sorry for how I acted."

"No you're not," Bella replied, not looking at him.

"Yes I am," Edward insisted.

Bella sighed. "No you're not."

Edward opened his mouth to deny it again, but he couldn't find the words. She was right, and they both knew it.

"I'm leaving to go to Chicago tomorrow," Edward said. Bella's eyes darted to his and narrowed slightly.

"You're leaving because of our little argument?" Bella asked. Just for a moment, Edward thought he could hear a hint of panic in Bella's voice. He brushed it off to his mind playing tricks on him.

Edward shook his head. "No. Carlisle is dead, and I'm returning just to sort out a few things."

Edward didn't know what to expect of Bella's reaction to the news. After all, she'd made it clear time and time again that she didn't like his family.

For a brief moment, Edward wondered if he should invite Bella to the funeral, but he squashed that idea right away. If Bella didn't like Carlisle in life, why would she mourn him in death?

"How?" was all she asked. Her face remained blank.

"I'm not sure," Edward lied. He didn't want to scare Bella with the news that Carlisle had been murdered. Bella was well aware of the life Carlisle had, and even without saying it, Edward knew she didn't like it.

"How long will you be gone for?"

"About a week," Edward said. "It's just to make sure everything is squared away."

"Well, take all the time you need. It can't be easy for you, losing your father."

"Why not? Carlisle wasn't much of a father," Edward said, trying to downplay it. "He treated my mother like crap and throughout my childhood. I was witness to it."

"He's still your dad," Bella said. "No matter what he did to your mom, you still love him. That will never change."

"How can I love him, after everything he's done?"

Turning to Edward, she said, "Because he's still your father. He was the only father you've ever known. Don't feel bad about missing him. We can't help the way we feel. It's what makes us human." She shrugged.

"Does that mean you forgive me for how I acted yesterday?" Edward asked hopefully.

Bella gave one hard laugh, but she didn't respond.

"I take that as a no," Edward said sadly.

Edward wasn't even sure he wanted her forgiveness. He just wanted the pain to stop.

"Daddy," a small voice called.

Edward looked towards the sound and saw Alexis running to him.

He wrapped his arms around her when she reached him. Alexis was the only normal thing in his messed up life.

"Daddy, I saw a snake," she said excitedly.

"A snake? Where?"

"Outside the house. Mommy and Grandma screamed when they saw it, but I didn't."

Edward looked towards Bella who shuddered slightly.

"Shouldn't you call an exterminator or something?" Edward asked Bella.

"It was a tiny one," Bella assured him.

Edward nodded, then, turning his attention back to Alexis, he said, "I have to go away for a few days, but I'll be back really soon."

"Where are you going?" Alexis asked. Edward could hear the sadness in her voice. At least one of them will miss him.

"I have to go to my other house," Edward said.

"Can't Mommy and I come with you?" she asked.

"Maybe another day," Edward said.

Over Alexis's head, he saw Bella shake her head slightly. Returning to Chicago was definitely not something that appealed to her.

Alexis still looked sad, but she nodded anyway.

"Do you promise to come back?" she asked.

Edward didn't even hesitate. Bella might have chosen Sebastian and broken his heart, but Edward definitely wasn't about to give up the fight. He wasn't about to just walk away. He was still angry and hurt, and maybe the logical side of him wasn't thinking straight, but either way, it wasn't over.

"I promise," he said.

* * *

><p><strong>Put the pitchforks and torches down! Remember, not everything is as it seems. ;)<br>**

**I know I haven't updated since last November. This chapter was finished before Christmas, but there were a few complications that prevented me from posting it. Thank you to everyone who has stayed with me up to this point. I get frustrated from lack of updates as well.  
><strong>

**I know I'm not the most frequent updater. Sometimes I update twice a month. Sometimes I only update once a month. Sometimes I don't update for a month. I know some authors are able to stick to a schedule when it comes to posting. Unfortunately, I'm not one of them. I try to finish a chapter as soon as I can. Despite real life getting in the way.  
><strong>

**Please remember, this story is rated as Angst/Comfort/Hurt for a reason. It does not mean that it won't have a happy ending. It just means that the road to the end will be a bumpy one.  
><strong>

**I know this story is different to other Fanfiction stories. For once, Bella doesn't forgive Edward after a few sweet words and some kind actions. For once, Bella is standing her ground. When I first started writing it, I kept that as my main goal. That for once, Bella would have a backbone.  
><strong>

**Also, please remember that this story is fiction. None of it is real, and it isn't suppose to be used as a life lesson for anyone.  
><strong>

**If you're interested, I posted a one shot recently called Fiction. You can check it out on my profile.  
><strong>

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

****Special thanks to******torisurfergirl and BelleDuJour.**


	20. Dig

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it."<strong>

**― Michel de Montaigne **

**Chapter 19**  
><strong>Dig<strong>

It had only been a few days since Edward left, and already his absence was felt by everyone—even Bella. Even though she'd never admit it to anyone, not even herself, she missed Edward. Just a little. She'd gotten so used to his presence that it was impossible not to feel something was missing when he wasn't there. She hadn't gotten over his earlier accusations, and whilst she was still mad, she had let it go.

He had called every day since he'd left to speak to Alexis. Other than small _hellos_ and _hold ons_so Bella could hand the phone to Alexis, Bella and Edward did not speak to each other. Even though she missed him, Bella was glad for the absence. It gave her a clear chance to really think things through.

Later that same week, Bella was on her way home with a sleeping Alexis in the back seat. Renee had gone to Portland for the day, so it was just the two of them for a few hours. She was relieved that Alexis had fallen asleep during the ride home. Bella was too worn out to entertain a four year old.

When she stopped in front of the house, Bella saw an unfamiliar car parked beside the road. She could see someone sitting on the front steps. With her spiky black hair and small frame, which had not changed in the slightest since the last time Bella had seen her, Alice sat patiently waiting.

"Alice?" Bella's voice sounded choked out as she parked her truck and climbed out. She couldn't believe her eyes.

Alice smiled slightly before walking forward and gripping Bella in a tight hug. Bella was slightly taken aback at Alice's appearance. Whilst she still looked more or less the same, there were a few changes. Alice looked pale and had lost a fair amount of weight.

"How are you?" Bella asked, hugging her back. Alice felt frail in her arms.

"I'm good, but really, I should be asking you," Alice said, her eyes travelling to where Alexis was still fast asleep in the backseat. "I couldn't believe it when Jasper told me that you and Edward had a kid. It explains why you ran."

"I like to believe that I was always going to run, I just needed the kick to get me started," Bella said, as she opened the back door and started taking Alexis out.

"Do you need help with her?" Alice asked.

"Thanks, but I'm okay. Would you like to come in?" Bella asked.

"Sure," Alice replied as she followed Bella up the walkway.

After putting Alexis in her room, Bella went into the living room where Alice was waiting.

"Would you like something to eat or drink?" Bella asked.

"I'm okay," Alice said. "Edward's not here, is he?" she asked as Bella sat beside her.

"No. He went back to Chicago. Did you hear about Carlisle?" Bella asked, her voice unsure. She had no idea what Alice had been up to these past few years.

"Yeah, I heard he's dead," Alice said, shrugging. "Good riddance if you ask me." Clearly her dislike for Carlisle hadn't changed.

"What have you been up to?" Bella asked.

"Not much. I finished my rehab program last week in California, and I thought I'd pay you a visit. The last time I saw Jasper, he'd mentioned to me that Edward had found you, and all three of you were in Forks."

"The last time you'd seen Jasper?" Bella asked, confused.

"Yeah. We broke up almost a year ago," Alice said nonchalantly.

"You and Jasper broke up?" Bella couldn't help the smile that came to her face at the news.

"Yeah. I stopped kidding myself, and I left him." Bella searched Alice's face for any hint of sadness, but there was none.

"Really?" Bella asked, unable to keep the smile off her face.

"It was bound to happen. Jasper wasn't physically abusive. He liked to torture me more mentally and emotionally. It's like he used to feed off my weaknesses. That's why I turned to alcohol to help block it out." Alice rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"But what gave you the courage to leave after all this time?" Bella asked.

Alice smiled, tears in her eyes. "You."

"Me?"

"Yeah. You know Esme hated you even more after you left, right?"

"More? That woman could hate me more?" Bella asked. Esme had made her already hellish life in Chicago even worse. Bella found it hard to believe that Esme had even more room for hate.

"Yup. She doesn't like the spark that ignited the fire. She was pissed when she found out you'd left Edward. Then again, nothing could compete with Edward's emotions when he found out you ran. It was even worse when he couldn't find you."

Bella was intrigued by what Alice had said. She'd often times wondered how Edward had reacted to her leaving and how he'd been during her absence. She'd painted a picture in her head of how she suspected it was, but Edward's actions now contradicted it.

Bella wasn't looking at Alice, but Alice seemed to see the question written on Bella's face.

"He was angry at first. Then he turned frantic. He didn't know if you'd drowned in the river or if you'd survived the fall. He had everyone out searching for you. After a while, his emotions turned to grief. He would have done anything to know if you were okay. He missed you really badly, and I think he slowly began to realise his own sins. Carlisle kept telling him to let you go. They all did, but he refused to move on. He swore that he wouldn't stop until he found you. He hardly spoke to Esme or Carlisle. Jasper and Emmett tried for a moment to make him get over it, but he lashed out at them so much they gave up. He basically retreated into himself." Alice grew silent for a moment as she let her words sink in.

That definitely wasn't the picture Bella had painted of how things had gone down after she left. She thought about what Alice had said about Edward repenting for his sins. She wondered if that meant he'd begun to realise, even back then, that what he'd done was wrong. Bella had never thought of it before, but she began to wonder what it was that made Edward want to turn over a new leaf.

She didn't want to talk about it anymore. It was easier to accept the past Edward than the current Edward. She didn't want anything that made her question her judgment about him. She had to remain firm in her belief. She decided to change the topic.

"How's Rosalie?" Bella asked. She had not forgotten the other person who had been subjected to the Cullens' torture. "Is she still with Emmett?"

Alice's face turned somber before she answered, so Bella knew the answer long before Alice had spoke.

"Yes. She is still with him."

"Oh," Bella said, slightly disappointed. "Can't we help her? Maybe if she sees there is life outside of that world, she'd leave."

"Rosalie will have to come to her own self-realisation. We can't force her to leave Emmett. She's going to have to want to leave him. It's like my grandmother used to say, 'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.' I tried talking to her before I left to see if I could convince her to come away with me, but she refused. She insisted that all Emmett needed was time. That she loved him and wouldn't abandon him." Alice sighed sadly. "I told her that, should she ever change her mind, I'd help her. All we can do now is hope that she'll see that there is more to life than Emmett."

Bella understood Alice's sadness. Rosalie had given her the same excuse when Bella had questioned her motives. She hated knowing that Rosalie was still under Emmett's tyranny, but Alice was right. They couldn't save someone who didn't want to be saved.

Bella leaned back into the couch as she thought over everything Alice had told her. Her arrival had definitely brought on new information.

"How are things between you and Edward?" Alice asked suddenly.

Bella was caught off guard, and she opened her mouth to give her usual 'I don't know' response, but then she stopped. Unlike with Renee or Sebastian, Alice knew everything. She didn't have to pretend when it came to Alice. Alice had experienced everything first hand. They were both survivors of the same war, and they shared the same battle scars. Bella jumped at her first real opportunity to express her feelings.

"I'm confused when it comes to Edward. He wants there to be something between us, but I just don't know."

"What do you want?"

"I don't know," Bella repeated. "But it doesn't matter what I want. Every decision I make affects Alexis as well. I can't let my emotions run wild, or let my guard drop, because she could get hurt in the process."

"Sometimes what we do want and what we should want contradicts itself."

Bella gave a hard laugh. "You're telling me. Besides, I don't think Edward is too happy with me," she admitted.

"Why?"

For a moment, Bella contemplated whether or not to tell Alice the Edward and Sebastian debacle.

"He thinks I slept with someone," Bella admitted finally.

"Why would he think that?" Curiosity was alight in her eyes.

"The other night, I went out for drinks with a friend. The bar closed earlier than expected, and it was the first time I'd been out in a while, so I really didn't want to rush home. I knew Alexis was safe, so when a friend invited me over to his house to watch a movie, I didn't think much of it. A half hour in, we both passed out in front of the television. I didn't know Edward was still here, so when I came home late, he sort of blew up at me."

"The movie was that boring?" Alice asked

Bella laughed. "No. I was just tired." She shrugged.

"Wait. There's another guy in the picture, and Edward hasn't cracked his skull? Wow. Why didn't you tell him the truth?"

"Why should I? I didn't mean to make him angry. I was actually caught off guard when he first accused me. Then when I realised what he was talking about, I just snapped back at him. It was a knee jerk reaction. I don't like his controlling ways, and it's in my nature to fight back against it."

"Well, it is good that you're standing your ground. Really, I don't know what I would do if I was in your situation. Part of me wants to tell you to ease up on Edward—after all he is trying. But the part that knows what you've been through, wants me to tell you to stay away from him. This is a dilemma." Alice looked into the distance for a moment, before her gaze went back to Bella's.

"I wish I could be of more help. I'd be lying if I said that if Jasper changed, I wouldn't consider taking him back, but really, I don't know. I guess there is no black and white answer. It's all just grey." Alice sighed again.

Bella couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed. Whilst Alice was a great listener, and she helped her in ways no one else could, she'd hoped that Alice would be able to point her in the right direction. Bella was slowly beginning to realise that this was a decision she had to make on her own. At the end of the day, it was her life, and she would be the one living with the consequences of her actions.

"You're very brave," Alice commented suddenly.

Bella shook her head. "No I'm not. I'm barely hanging on."

"To have the courage to run? You are brave. It took me years to do what you did in a matter of months. How did you do it?"

Bella was about to deny any sort of bravery on her part, but the sincerity in Alice's voice stopped her.

She didn't feel brave at all. She felt weak and lost, but not knowing what else to say, she responded, "I don't know. I guess I just took the risk, made the jump and ran."

"Huh," was all Alice said. Bella could hear the disappointment in her voice.

It seemed that just like Bella, she'd been hoping for some magic ingredient that would somehow make this life easier, but really, Bella had nothing more to offer.

The events of that day had happened so fast, it was almost a blur. The one thing she remembered most of all was feeling very afraid.

* * *

><p><em>Edward had been acting strange. <em>

_Considering how he'd been before, that was really saying something._

_Ever since they'd come back from visiting Rosalie, he'd been more subdued. He seemed to be more on edge, and for the first time in a long time, he no longer demanded anything of her. The change would have been a relief to Bella, if it didn't freak her out._

_For a brief moment, she wondered if he'd found out her plan to escape. That, somehow, he knew what was amiss, but she pushed it aside. Eryn and Mrs. Miller were the only two people who knew, and she trusted that they would not betray her._

_The night after they'd returned from visiting Rosalie, Edward was silent while they were having dinner. Usually, Edward did everything he could to engage her in conversation. Even if it meant going as far as provoking her. Tonight, he didn't utter a word. Bella thought the silence would be comforting, but it wasn't. She was afraid of what was running through Edward's mind._

_Tonight found _her _trying to engage _him _into conversation._

"_So, how was work?" she asked._

_He'd been avoiding her eyes all evening; now he looked up in surprise. Bella could understand why. The tables had turned tonight._

"_It was fine. Same as always."_

_Bella frowned slightly. That didn't help her. She'd been hoping to get some clue as to what had him strung out all of a sudden._

"_What's wrong?" she demanded at last. She wasn't very good with beating around the bush and preferred to just get to the point. _

_Edward had been picking at his food all evening. He didn't say anything at first, which made Bella wonder if he'd heard her. She was about to ask him again when he finally replied._

"_Nothing for you to worry about," was all he said._

_Oh, how Bella wished that was true._

_The next day, she was at her usual place down by housing. A guard was posted by the front door, so Bella and Eryn found a space as far from him as possible. They kept their voices low as they brainstormed ways to get Bella away. Mostly they came up empty. Bella was just too heavily watched._

"_Is there any time where you are left alone?" Eryn asked._

"_When I'm in the bathroom."_

"_Well, that's not helpful. Unless you plan on squeezing through the drainage."_

_Bella rubbed her eyes in frustration. She was beginning to think it was hopeless, but she couldn't give up. There had to be something._

"_It's not possible you to escape whilst on the grounds. Security is too heavy here. Maybe if you went out, you'd have a better chance," Eryn suggested._

"_I don't think so. Even then I'm watched like a hawk," Bella said, remembering her ill-fated shopping trip with Esme and Rosalie._

"_What about in between?"_

"_In between?"_

"_When you're going from one place to the other," Eryn explained. Bella could see a plan already forming in Eryn's head. "What's security like then?"_

"_Usually it's two in the SUV with me, and more in another SUV behind me."_

_Eryn sighed. Bella understood her frustration. Getting away from a vehicle full of guards would not be easy._

_Then another problem occurred to her. "The only time in between places that the car stops is at a traffic light. I can't tuck and roll out of the car."_

_Eryn was silent, and Bella could almost see the wheels turning in her mind. "You need a way to get away fast enough. You need a small window of opportunity."_

_Then she looked up, and Bella could see the light bulb going off in her head._

"_Can you swim?" she asked._

"_Yes." Bella was at a loss as to where she was going with this. "Why?"_

"_There is a bridge. Construction is happening not far from it causing a backup of traffic. If you could get them to pass there, then you could jump off the bridge. At the side of the bridge is a shed and some trees. There's a break in the trees, and if you could swim there, you have a chance of getting away. If security doesn't jump into the water after you, they'd have to go all the way around."_

_Bella was still caught up in the first part of that plan. "You want me to jump off a bridge?"_

"_It isn't a far drop. Maybe twenty feet. The swim isn't too far either. If you stay low after you jump, they won't know which way you went. The water isn't exactly clear."_

"_What reason would I give for wanting to pass over that particular bridge?"_

"_There's a shopping center close to there. You could tell Edward you want to go there."_

_Bella didn't know how to respond to that idea. It was crazy and seemed more like a suicide mission than anything else, but the more she thought about it, the more she realised she didn't have many options. She had to get away as soon as possible, and with the number of security guards that surrounded her, no matter what plan they used, there would always be risks._

"_You don't have to decide now," Eyrn assured her. "Maybe you could think it over, and then later on this week you could decide."_

"_No," Bella said. Then, taking a deep breath, she said, "I'll do it. I don't have much time, and I don't want to waste it coming up with plans. I need action. If I think about it too much, I will chicken out." She didn't add that Edward's odd demeanour as of late was another reason why she wanted to get out sooner rather than later._

"_Okay. We still need at least a day to really finalize it," Eryn said. "Maybe tomorrow we could discuss it more." Bella didn't like the idea of waiting longer, but she knew it was inevitable._

_They spent the next two days ironing out the plan as best they could. By the end, it wasn't much better, but they felt they'd done the best they could._

_The night before the plan was to be set in motion, as Bella was getting ready to leave housing for the last time, Eryn stopped her. _

"_Here," Eryn said, handing Bella an envelope._

"_What is it?" Bella asked as she took it._

"_It's just something to help you while you're out there. I know it isn't much, but I thought it'd be better than nothing."_

_Opening the envelope, Bella found it filled with money._

"_It's three thousand dollars. Mrs. Miller and I pooled it together for you."_

"_I can't accept this," Bella said, shaking her head as she handed it back. They'd given her so much already, it wouldn't be right to take more._

"_No keep it. You're going to need all the help you could get." Eryn reached into her back pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag. She took the envelope from Bella, then, after putting it into the bag, she tied it and handed it back to Bella. "So it won't get wet," she explained._

_Bella still didn't feel like she could accept it, but she knew Eryn would not let her leave without it._

"_Thank you," Bella said, hugging Eryn. "I wish there was a way I could repay you for everything." She really didn't think it was possible to even repay Eryn's kindness with words._

"_Just make it. That's all the thanks I need," Eryn assured her._

_Dinner with Edward passed just the same. Edward was very quiet. There were instances, however, where Bella could see that there was something he wanted to say, but whenever he got close to saying it, he stopped himself. It was frustrating. Part of Bella wanted to know what he wanted to say, another part wasn't too sure. Either way, it put her on edge._

_She thought of how best to broach the topic of her going out tomorrow. Eryn had advised her to make sure her request was subtle. The last thing Bella needed was for Edward to be suspicious._

_She hated that she had to ask his permission for anything, but today was one of those days where she had to swallow her pride._

"_Will it be okay if I went to Market Square_ _tomorrow?" she asked._

_Edward was caught off guard, and Bella knew why. This was the first time she'd ever asked him for anything._

"_Why?" he asked._

_Bella shrugged. "I want to get out of the house for a little while, and I heard there's a photography store there," she said, careful to display nonchalance._

_Edward raised his eyebrow suspiciously. At first, Bella thought he was going to deny her request, then something came over him, and he nodded. "Okay," he said. "I'll let security know. Do you know what time you'd like to leave?"_

_Bella was careful not to display the shock she felt. She hadn't expected him to agree so easily. She'd prepared herself for a Spanish Inquisition. Whatever it was that was troubling Edward was working to her advantage, and Bella thanked her rarely lucky stars for it. She was tempted to ask again what was it that was bothering him, but she decided not to push it. Fate had dealt her a nice hand for the first time in months, and it would be crazy to question it._

_When they'd finished dinner, it was time to go to bed. Edward's didn't request or even demand that Bella join him. Other than a simple "goodnight," he didn't even speak to her. Nevertheless, Bella climbed into bed beside him. If everything went according to plan tomorrow, it would be the last time Bella would ever see him. The thought left her both glad and bitter. _

_That night, both Bella and Edward were too wrapped up in their thoughts to get much sleep. Even though they both spent the night in a state of unrest, neither spoke to the other. They were too consumed by their own worries._

_Breakfast was just as quiet as dinner, and when Edward eventually left, Bella was relieved. It could have been her imagination, but to her, the room felt tense with him in it. She buried her head in her hands._

"_Bella." Edward's soft voice startled her. She thought he'd left._

_Looking up, she was surprised to see him standing just in the doorway. There was uncertainty in his eyes._

"_Yes?" she asked. She silently hoped that he hadn't caught on._

"_Have a good time," was all he said. Then he turned and walked out of the room._

_Bella waited to hear the opening and closing of the front door before she allowed herself to breathe a sigh of relief. It wasn't until Edward had left that Mrs. Miller walked in. She'd been away from work the day before, so Bella hadn't had a chance to thank her as well for her kindness._

"_Thank you," Bella said, as she gave her one last hug goodbye._

"_It's no problem, dear. You just be sure to take care of yourself," she replied. Bella could see tears in the old woman's eyes. Before she could voice her thanks again, the moment was broken by one of the security guards entering the kitchen._

"_Mrs. Cullen," he said with a brief nod of greeting. "Mr. Cullen has informed us that you would like to go out today. When would you like to leave?" he asked._

"_Now would be fine," Bella said. She didn't want to wait. She was ready to go._

"_We will be outside," he said, before leaving them alone again._

"_Are you ready?" Mrs. Miller asked when they were alone._

"_Not really," Bella admitted. "I guess that means I should go."_

_She knew that if she waited until she was ready, then she would never get anyway. After one last brief hug, Bella left the house for what she hoped would be the last time._

_The ride was silent as Bella was driven through the busy Chicago streets. The only sound to be heard was of tyres against the roads, the passing of cars, the occasional beep of a car horn, and Bella's hammering heart. There were only two security guards with Bella this time which surprised her. Usually Edward sent out the entire SWAT team when she left the house. _

_Even though she'd prepared herself for this moment, now that she was actually here, her earlier fears began to grip her. Whilst she'd been preparing, her fears were kept at bay. Now that she was alone with her thoughts, it returned. At a horrible time too. Now was not the time to get cold feet. Now was not the time to let emotions get in the way, or to second guess herself. Now was the time for action._

_She tried to distract herself as best as she could, but it was fruitless. Every time she managed to push one fear aside, another one would creep in. It was like poison._

_Just as Eryn had said, there was construction along N Elston Avenue which caused a backup of traffic over the Cortland Street Drawbridge. The honk of impatient drivers helped drown out the racing of her heart, and now that she'd arrived at her destination, it gave her thoughts another direction to turn to._

_They were just beyond the beginning of the bridge, which gave Bella a few extra minutes to gather what was left of her courage._

_Now that she was here, she wasn't sure she could do it. Now that she was facing down the dragon, she couldn't find the courage which had helped her get here in the first place._

"_Maybe staying wouldn't be too bad," she found herself thinking as the car crept ever so slowly towards the bridge. She began to realise that this plan was too crazy. It wouldn't work. The whole plan was crazy, and she was crazy to go along with it. Security would catch her and drag her back to Edward. Whatever had been bothering Edward these past few days would pale in comparison to him finding out she'd tried to run. It was better to stay put. _

_It was during this innerturmoil that Bella found the strength to open the door and run. Her body was running on adrenaline and her mind was a blur. She was barely aware of the movements her feet were making. She just hoped that they wouldn't fail her now. She ran onto the pedestrian pathway._

_Behind her, she could hear the sound of security opening their doors, and one of them yelling, "Mrs. Cullen!" She hated that name, and it only made her want to get away faster._

_There wasn't time for thought or fear, for which Bella was glad. When she was a good distance from the rocky edge, Bella used one foot to give her leverage on the guard rail and another to help her push off, and then with one last deep breath, she took the leap and plunged into the chilly water below._

* * *

><p>"I miss Daddy," Alexis said, late one afternoon as she and Bella walked towards the truck. They were running late for one of her friend's birthday party. According to the invitation, they were late, but Bella wasn't in the mood to be around the other parents so, by her definition, they were on time.<p>

"I know you miss him. He'll be back soon enough," Bella said, as she strapped Alexis into her car seat. Edward had been gone for a week already, and Alexis had asked for him every day.

"When will he back?" Alexis asked, as Bella climbed into the driver's seat.

"Soon," she said for what felt like the millionth time.

"What kind of soon?"

Bella looked around confused. "What?"

"What kind of soon?" Alexis repeated. "The ten minutes soon or the "soon you'll be older?"

Bella couldn't help but laugh at Alexis's definition of time. "You need to stop watching so much television," Bella muttered.

The birthday party was in full swing by the time they arrived. It never failed to amaze Bella the lengths parents went to celebrate their kid's birthday. It was more of their way of showing off to other parents than any real celebration for the date. Even from the street, Bella could see the bouncy castle and freakish- looking clown. She briefly wondered if it was too late to go back home.

After doing the regular rounds of "hello"s and "pretending to care" as one mother rattled off about all the expenses they had gone to pull of this party, Bella left Alexis by the bouncy castle and found a spot on the lawn where she could count down the minutes until they could leave.

Alice had left the same day she'd arrived, and already Bella missed her. She wished Alice could stay longer, but she needed to get back to her family. Whilst opening up to Alice hadn't solved any of her problems, it was refreshing to finally be able to speak to someone who understood. Alice had promised that they would remain in touch, and Bella was glad for it.

She'd been so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice that someone was heading her way.

"Bella?" a voice called.

Looking up, Bella saw Sebastian making his way over to her. She'd been so busy with work that week that she hadn't seen Sebastian since the last time they'd went out together.

"Thank goodness you're here," Sebastian said, as he took a seat beside Bella. "I was afraid I'd be stuck talking to the moms around here. I was looking for every excuse not to come, but he insisted," Sebastian said, indicating to where Drayven was playing with the other children.

Bella laughed. "I can relate. I was just counting down the minutes until it would be appropriate to leave."

Sebastian let out a slow whistle. "They definitely went all out for this party."

"Yes." Bella then lowered her voice. "Small hint—the more extravagant the party, the more horrible the child. Small get together with pizza equals good child. Huge, expensive party with bouncy houses and performers, expect to see one of the kids from Children of the Corn."

Sebastian laughed. "I'll have to keep that in mind."

Talking to Sebastian always put Bella at ease. By every definition, he was the right kind of guy. He was the kind of guy Bella would be lucky to be dating. The kind of guy any girl would be lucky to have in their life. Bella couldn't help but wonder if that was why Sebastian had showed up in her life when he did. Maybe he was supposed to show her the kind of future she could have if she filed those divorce papers and finally cut ties with Edward.

The Bella deep inside of her who'd been beaten and broken by monster Edward liked that future. She liked the idea of starting fresh with someone new and letting the past stay where it was.

"Are you alright?" Sebastian asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

She looked up to see Sebastian watching her curiously.

"I'm okay. Just thinking."

Two hours later, when the ice-cream had run out, and temper tantrums were everywhere, Bella and Sebastian deemed it okay to leave.

When Bella and Alexis arrived home later that evening, they found Renee in the living room talking to someone on the phone.

"Oh, wait, they just walked in," she said, before holding out the phone for Alexis. Bella knew it was Edward. While Alexis went to speak to Edward, Bella ambled into the kitchen.

"So how was the party?" Renee asked, as she joined Bella.

"It was a typical birthday party. A lot of flashy parents and children amped up on sugar."

"Sounds like fun?" Renee said, ending her statement more like a question.

Bella laughed. "I guess it was."

In the next room, Bella could hear Alexis telling Edward about her day.

"Yeah, and then mommy and I went out for ice-cream with Drayven and Sebastian, because they ran out of it at the party."

"Shit," Bella whispered softly to herself. She knew Edward wouldn't be too pleased by that revelation. She knew it would hurt him. As angry and hurt as Bella was by everything Edward had done, she didn't like hurting him back on purpose, but whether it was on purpose or not didn't seem to matter. So long as she was keeping distance from him and living her life, he would always be left hurting.

Alexis told Edward a few more events from her day, before it was time to say goodbye.

"I love you, too. Goodnight." Then Alexis called out, "Mommy! Daddy wants to talk to you."

Bella thought about ignoring Edward's request, but she didn't want Alexis to see the tension between her parents. Going against her better judgement, she went into the living room and took the phone.

"Hello?" Bella said, bracing herself for another argument like the one they'd had the morning she had returned from Sebastian's.

"Bella..." she heard Edward begin and he sighed. When he spoke again, she could hear the sadness in his voice. "I just wanted to say goodnight."

Bella knew that wasn't what he'd wanted to say, but she knew better than to question it. It reminded her of the day she'd left.

"Goodnight," Bella said.

The line had grown silent, but Bella knew Edward was still on the other side.

"I still love you," she heard him whisper so softly that if she hadn't been listening close enough she would have missed it.

After hearing those words, Bella wanted to scream out in frustration and demand to know why he couldn't be like Emmett and Carlisle and just move on from her. Things would be a whole lot easier for both of them if he just gave up on her. Then she would be free to move on with Sebastian and the rest of her life.

Instead she hung up the phone without saying a word.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>I forgot to mention it last time, but It's Not Over is just over a year old. <strong>**

****If my memory serves me right, I think I started writing it during a layover at the airport.  
><strong>**

****Oh, how time flies.  
><strong>**

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

****Special thanks to ******EdwardsMate4ever.**

**Any mistakes that you see in this chapter or any of the previous chapters is on me. I have a small tendency to miss things every now and again.  
><strong>


	21. All I Want

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>You always hurt the one you love.<br>The one you shouldn't hurt at all.  
>You always take the sweetest rose,<br>and crush it till the petals fall.**

**You always break the kindest heart**  
><strong>with a hasty word you can't recall.<strong>

**So if I broke your heart last night,  
>it's because I love you most of all.<strong>

**- The Mills Brothers**

**Chapter 20**  
><strong>All I Want<strong>

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust." The minister's voice rang out loud and clear over the congregation of mourners. Edward thought it was ironic that the minister was quoting from the Book of Common Prayer, when Carlisle had been anything but religious. He doubted his father had ever been inside of a church prior to this. Considering the sort of life he'd lived, Edward wouldn't have been surprised if Carlisle had burst into flames if he'd tried.

Beside him, Esme was working hard to control her grief. She'd been inconsolable from the very beginning and was hysterical up until the hour before the funeral. She'd only been able to pull herself together moments before the service started.

Considering all that he'd done to her, Edward still couldn't understand the depth of Esme's grief for her lost husband. Time had not changed Esme's belief in her husband, that much was clear. The congregation was small. Esme had wanted the funeral to be private with family and some friends only.

In a surprising turn of events, Emmett and Jasper had arrived for the funeral: Emmett with Rosalie, and Jasper with some new woman. It was the first time in a long time that Edward had seen either one of them.

Edward hadn't paid much attention to what the minister was saying, but an unfamiliar rustling noise drew his attention, and he looked up in time to see the minister pull a small scrap of paper from his pocket. As the minister unfolded it he said, "Lastly, I would like to leave you all with these parting words."

Then he began to read it. "Remember, man, as you walk by: As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you will be. So prepare for death and follow me."

The service was short. There wasn't much good that could be said about Carlisle.

After the service, the only ones allowed at the gravesite were Esme, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Jasper's girlfriend, and much to Edward's dismay, Jacob. The sight of the coffin being lowered into the ground was what caused Esme to lose what last bit of resilience she had. Rosalie and Jasper's girlfriend returned with her to the car. That left Edward alone with his brothers. Jacob stood on the other side of the gravesite, away from Edward, Emmett and Jasper. Even though they were bound by blood, Jacob had never really been accepted as part of their family.

"What a surprising turn of events," Emmett said gleefully, as they watched the coffin being lowered. There was a small thump as it hit the bottom. "Jasper owes me five hundred dollars."

Edward looked at him, confused.

"I bet him Carlisle would be the first to go," Emmett explained.

Edward gave him a disgusted look. Clearly his brothers had not changed. On the other side of the gravesite, Jacob had turned to leave. Edward watched his departing form with curiosity. Carlisle's lawyer had called a meeting between Esme and Edward for later that day. Jacob had not been invited, but he had insisted on being there. He knew the future of Carlisle's company was the topic, and he didn't want to miss it.

"So, how's the whole Bella thing coming along?" Emmett asked. "Word on the street is you found her and some kid she claims to be yours, and the three of you are shacked up in the middle of  
>nowhere."<p>

"And which street did you hear that?"

"The Rosalie street," Jasper answered for him.

"Who heard it from Esme boulevard," Emmett said.

"Don't you have something better to do than discuss my personal life?"

They both answered, "No" in unison.

"I also hear she's still fighting you. Geez, bro, when are you going to take my advice? Let her come to you," Emmett said, like it was the most obvious answer and Edward just wasn't getting it. It had worked with Esme and Rosalie, and so Emmett assumed it would work with Bella.

"She'll come with a hatchet," Edward said. Turing to Jasper, he asked, "Speaking of, what happened to Alice?"

"She gained self-esteem and morals," Jasper replied. He shot Edward a disgusted look. "Your wife is toxic. Luckily, I met Maria."

Edward smiled. He'd rather Bella be "toxic" than submissive like Rosalie and Esme. It meant she stood for what she believed in and had the ability to influence others into making the right choice. She'd done it with him and now with Alice.

Thinking of her now reminded him that he'd been away from Forks for a little more than a week, and he was anxious to get back. He missed Bella and Alexis. They were the only true family he had left. He knew Alexis missed him too. She'd informed him of that every time they spoke.

They stayed until the hole was filled up, and once it was, they turned away and headed back towards their cars.

"Well, we're heading out for a drink. Care to join us, baby bro?" Emmett asked.

"No. I have to meet with Peter to decide on the fate of Carlisle's company."

"Well, that sucks. Maybe later?"

"Alright," Edward said, but that was one promise he wasn't planning on keeping.

His brothers were bad news, and Edward preferred to stay clear of them.

Esme was silent as Edward drove them back to the Cullen household. She was so wrapped up in her grief that conversation was futile. When they arrived at the house, Edward saw Jacob's car already in the driveway. It seemed his half-brother was anxious to get his paws on Carlisle's money.

Peter and Jacob were already seated in Carlisle's office when Edward and Esme walked in.

"Edward," Peter said, holding out his hand as he stood. Edward shook briefly with the man.

"Mrs. Cullen, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss," Peter said, turning to his attention to Esme.

Esme only grimaced as if in pain. It was still too raw for her. Edward and Esme sat opposite to Jacob, while Peter sat to the front.

"Well, as you know I called this meeting to discuss your father's will. Mainly, the state of his _company_." It didn't escape Edward's notice that Peter had put a little emphasis on the last word. Peter paused to take his briefcase off the floor and rest it on his desk. After opening it, he began to pull out several pieces of paper.

"He's left his assets at the hands of the new owner. Assets including his remaining sum of— " Peter said before Jacob cut him off.

"Yeah, yeah yeah. Enough with the introductions. Who gets the business?" he demanded. Jacob was practically bouncing in anticipation.

"Edward does," Peter said. His voice was hard. Clearly he wasn't thrilled about being cut off.

"What?" Jacob yelled in disbelief. "He gets the company? Why?"

"It was your father's wish that it went to Edward," Peter explained. He held the paper out to Jacob, who snatched it from him. Jacob's eyes scanned the paper, and when it arrived at the section Peter was speaking of, it was as though a fire was suddenly lit within him.

"This is bullshit," he yelled, throwing the paper back. "He has a company already. Why does he get two?"

"If Jacob wants it so bad, then let him have it," Edward said calmly. He had no interest in Carlisle's type of business.

Peter shook his head. "I'm sorry. Your father specifically said that you are the only person who is to acquire it. He emphasized that he doesn't trust anyone else with it."

Jacob yelled in frustration before knocking over his chair and storming out of the room. He made sure to slam the door on his way out. With raised eyebrows, Peter looked at the door where Jacob had just exited. "Okay then."

"And if I refuse to accept it?" Edward asked, wanting to get back to the topic at hand.

"Then it remains stagnant."

"Why isn't it community property?" Edward asked.

"Esme signed a prenup," Peter explained.

Esme, who hadn't been paying much attention to the conversation, looked up at her name being mentioned. She nodded in Edward's direction to let him know it was true.

Carlisle's decision sat wrong with Edward. He'd assumed that after almost thirty years of marriage, Carlisle would want to leave something for his wife. Maybe a little compensation for all that he'd put her through.

"Well, you don't have to decide it now," Peter said. "I'll hold onto it as executor of your father's estate. I'll be in town until day after tomorrow, so if you could let me know before then that will be great." He began to put away the papers Jacob had thrown back at him.

"Okay, I'll let you know," Edward replied.

Peter left shortly after, leaving Edward alone with Esme.

Esme's eyes were rimmed with red, and she seemed to be far away. Now that Carlisle was gone, she was alone. Odds were, this appearance by Jasper and Emmett was a one-time thing. Edward was more than ready to get back to his wife and daughter. He wondered if the potential loneliness was what caused part of her grief.

"What are you going to do?" Edward asked her after a moment of silence. "Are you going to stay here?"

Esme shook her head. "I can't stay here."

"Then where—," Edward began.

"You're the only one who seems to care," she said. "I can't blame them, Jasper and Emmett, for not wanting anything to do with me."

Edward didn't know if she was talking to him or to herself, but either way he remained silent. He gave her the opportunity to let it all out.

"I was selfish," she whispered, so softly that Edward wasn't sure if he'd heard her right.

Esme bowed her head forward and started to cry. Her shoulders shook as she let her grief out.

Even though the sight of her crying wasn't new to Edward— he'd seen her crying on multiple occasions because of Carlisle— it still disturbed him. He didn't know how to comfort her, so unable to stand the heaviness in the room, he left.

It had been some time since Edward had walked the hallways of his parents' house. After Bella had left, he'd avoided it as best as he could. The hallways were empty now. The staff had been given the day off.

Edward paid little attention to where he walked, and somehow he found himself in the kitchen. He was surprised to find Rosalie reading one of the magazines Esme kept in there. He'd assumed she would be with Emmett.

"What are you doing here?" Edward asked. "I thought you were with Emmett."

Edward had never really spent any large amount of time with Rosalie, so he barely knew her. All he knew her as was his brother's wife.

Rosalie jumped slightly at the sound of his voice. "You scared me. I thought you were still in your meeting."

"No, Peter left already."

"Emmett went out drinking with Jasper. I came over to see how Esme was," Rosalie said.

"Oh," was all Edward said. Rosalie and Esme had always been close. It always struck him as odd how Rosalie and Esme had managed to bond, while Esme and Bella seemed to repel one another. He'd always wondered about that but had never got around to asking Bella why. Although, he was pretty sure that if he did ask her, she would just blow his question off. Rosalie, on the other hand, might be able to shed some light.

"Hey, Rosalie, when Bella was in Chicago, the two of you were close, right?" Edward asked.

"Sorta," she said. "Why?"

"I was just wondering how Bella and Esme got along."

Rosalie's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"I know they never got along," Edward explained. "I was just wondering why."

Rosalie sighed. "I can't believe Bella still hasn't told you."

"Told me what?"

Rosalie sighed again. She seemed to weigh for a moment whether or not to tell Edward. "Esme treated her horribly when she was here."

Now it was Edward's turn to be surprised. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't think Esme ever got over the fact that Bella gave you a hard time, and as a result, she took every opportunity to ridicule Bella and put her down. That first time Bella went shopping with Esme and me, Bella left in tears because of how Esme treated her."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Edward demanded. "All those times I'd forced Bella to interact with Esme, why didn't she tell me?"

Edward didn't think it was possible to be any more angry or horrified, but somehow, life had managed to spill another secret. Another card was removed from his house of cards, and there was another threat of it falling down around him.

"She thought you wouldn't care."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Why does everyone keep saying that?"

Rosalie didn't respond. Looking at his sister-in-law, it was crazy how much Rosalie reminded him of Esme. Edward knew that just like Esme, he couldn't force Rosalie to see how dangerous her husband was. Just like Alice, Rosalie would have to come to her own realisation.

With this new knowledge of Esme, Edward left the kitchen. He wanted to confront Esme, to demand to know why she'd treated Bella so badly, but on his way back to the office something Rosalie had said stopped him in tracks.

Rosalie had mentioned that the first time she, Esme and Bella had gone shopping, Esme had been so horrible to Bella that Bella had left in tears. That night had been the change in Edward and Bella's marriage. It was the night she'd told him she'd never loved him, and he'd reacted by hurting her.

He'd blamed Bella for it when really it was Esme's fault, and his by how he'd reacted. With the guilt heavy on his shoulders, Edward kept walking.

He found Esme in the same room he'd left her. A few tears still rolled down her cheek as she stood by the window looking out into the distance. It wasn't fair to confront her while she was still mourning Carlisle, but Edward had to know.

"Is it true?" Edward asked.

She turned to face Edward. Her eyes were still red and puffy.

"Is what true?"

"About how you treated Bella while she was here."

Realisation dawned on Esme, and she closed her eyes as if she was in pain. When she opened them again, Edward could see the devastation on her face.

Esme just nodded in response.

"Why?" Edward demanded. "Why did you treat her so badly? What did she ever do to you?"

Esme opened her mouth to respond, but she seemed at a loss for words. Even she didn't know how to truly defend her actions. Grief had taken the words right out of her mouth.

"Why did you dislike her?" Then he realised something else. "And you wanted to take Alexis away from her?"

New tears started to form in Esme's eyes. "I knew if I left it up to her, she wouldn't want me around Alexis."

"And for good reason," Edward interjected. Things were finally beginning to make some sense.

"I just wanted to meet my granddaughter," Esme said tearfully.

Edward shook his head in disbelief. "Well, that sure as hell isn't going to happen. Bella isn't going to let you, and I am not going to go behind her back."

"Edward, please," was all Esme said.

Edward shook sadly shook his head. "I can't handle this right now."

With one last look, he left the room. The last thing he saw was Esme still crying by the window.

Edward walked until he reached the library. The room still looked the same way it did the last time he'd found Bella in there perusing its shelf. Neither Carlisle nor Esme was much of a reader; the room was merely there for show.

Standing in the room now, he could almost see Bella there as she examined the spines of each book. He'd never understood her fascination with literary characters, but over time he'd accepted her devotion to books as part of who she was.

Thinking about her now reminded Edward that he hadn't called Alexis for the day. She was supposed to be going to a birthday party today, so he knew she would be anxious to tell him everything that had occurred at the party. He needed some distraction from what he'd just learned.

The phone rang once, twice before Renee picked up. She told him Bella and Alexis hadn't arrived back as yet, but just as he was about the hang up, they returned home. He only had to wait a moment before Alexis came on the phone.

"Daddy!" Alexis said in greeting.

"Hey, how are you?" Edward asked, unable to keep the smile from coming to his face at hearing his daughter's voice. Alexis had the gift of bringing some light in the darkest of days.

"Good."

"How was the party?"

That was all the prodding Alexis needed to jump into a full recap of everything that happened at the birthday party. Edward listened intently to every word she said.

"Sounds like you had fun," Edward said at the first opportunity he got.

"Yeah, and then Mommy and I went out for ice cream with Drayven and Sebastian, because they ran out of it at the party."

It was almost an automatic response that his heart seemed to drop. He should have known that Bella would seize the first chance she got to get closer to Sebastian.

"Well, that sounds like fun," Edward said, working to keep the pain out of his voice. He would never grow used to the idea of Bella and another man. "Alexis, I'm going to let you go now, because I know you have to get ready for bed. Can I talk to your mother?"

"Okay," Alexis said.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Goodnight." Then he heard Alexis called out, "Mommy! Daddy wants to talk to you."

A few moments passed in which Edward used the silence to calm himself down and think clearly. He wanted to lash out at Bella for getting closer the Sebastian, but he knew that wasn't the right way. Arguing with Bella never solved any of his problems.

"Hello?" she said. Edward could hear the uncertainty in her voice. She knew something was up.

"Bella..." Edward said, and then he sighed. He was tired. Tired of all the arguing. Tired of the trouble and tired of all the pain. He just wanted her to forgive him. He just wanted her to not hurt him anymore, but he had no right to be mad at her. All of this was nothing compared to the pain he had caused her. Nothing compared to the pain Esme had caused her. He'd messed up her life in more than one way. It was nothing compared to the pain he was causing her every day by trying to make something between them.

When he spoke again, there was sadness in his voice. "I just wanted to say goodnight."

"Goodnight," Bella said.

He didn't know what else to say or how else to make it better.

"I still love you," he whispered softly.

Her only response was the click of the phone being hung up, followed by the dial tone. She'd never know how much that hurt him.

Slowly, Edward hung up as well. Surrounded by silence, Edward began to feel a familiar sense of loneliness. It reminded him of those dark years when Bella had first ran. The memory of that time without her was still fresh in his mind. The barely healed wound and the throb of pain whenever he thought about it was a reminder of the anger, loneliness and fear he'd felt in her absence.

* * *

><p><em>Edward had assumed that nothing could distract him from the guilt he felt whenever he thought of how much he'd wronged Bella, but he was wrong. Work turned out to be a much-needed relief. So long as he kept his mind distracted and occupied, he didn't have to think about anything else. During the brief moments when his thoughts got the better of him, he would remember all the memories he had tried to suppress. A reminder of the pain he'd caused her would come rushing back. When that happened, he would work hard again to distract himself.<em>

_He'd kept up a rhythm. So long as he focused on work, he could get through this day. The only thing that was able to distract him was the ringing of his cell phone._

_A quick glance at the screen showed it was Dean. Dean knew not to call him at work unless it was an emergency, so even though he wanted to keep up his distraction, he answered it._

"_What is it?" Edward demanded. He didn't like being bothered._

"_She ran," was all Dean said, not knowing how else to bring up the situation to Edward._

"_What?" Edward asked. Surely he'd heard him wrong._

"_Mrs. Cullen managed to slip away from security and escape," Dean said._

_There was a brief moment of silence as Edward let the words sink in. For some reason, it took a few minutes for the information to seep into his brain, and once it did it took a while longer for him to make sense of it._

"_What do you mean she slipped away?" Edward asked, needing the clarification his brain refused to make._

"_There was traffic over one of the bridges, and when the car had stopped in the traffic, she opened the door and ran. Security tried to catch her, but she evaded them by jumping over the railing into the water below. They didn't see her come up. I've had teams searching the river and the area, but so far we haven't found anything."_

_It now made sense to Edward. Her wanting to go to the shopping center. She'd planned it all along, and he'd been too caught up in his guilt to realise it. Then with the realisation came the anger. She'd tricked him._

_Edward hung up the phone and called down to Leah._

"_Have security bring the car around," he snapped. Before she could answer, he hung up again. He couldn't believe he'd fallen for it. He should have known she was up to something, but he'd been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn't pay much attention to her these last few days. Now he was paying the price. It didn't matter. He wouldn't make that mistake again. Bella was his, and no matter how far she ran, nothing would change that._

_The fury on his face was enough that Leah didn't ask anything as he stormed past her and out the door._

"_How the fuck could they let that happen?" Edward demanded, as he walked through his front door a few minutes later. Dean was already there waiting, having anticipated Edward's arrival._

_Dean remained silent, He knew that in Edward's furious state, anything he said would be shot down._

"_I don't care what the hell you have to do. Find her and bring her back here. She couldn't have gotten very far. Have security search the entire area."_

"_Yes, sir," Dean said._

_With one last nod, Dean left. If any of the maids were in the house, they kept clear of Edward. It wasn't a secret that he was in a foul mood. One of the maids, who'd managed to slip out of the house quietly while Edward was talking to Dean, hoped that wherever Bella was, she would do whatever it took to stay away. The maid didn't want to know what awaited Mrs. Cullen if she ever came back._

_Once alone, Edward didn't know what to do. Work was no longer an option. He wanted to go down and supervise that search, but he would be useless there. He needed a strong distraction. Walking into the kitchen, Edward poured himself a glass of scotch. After draining it, he threw it against the opposite wall in anger. _

_Bella escaping had hit him hard. He felt betrayed. _

_Music was the only thing strong enough to distract him from real life, so, walking over to his piano, Edward began to play. _

_As he played, afternoon turned to dusk, and dusk turned to night, and still there was no sign of Bella. Edward called every hour to see what progress security had made in finding her, but it was hopeless. It was as if Bella had just vanished. They couldn't find any sign of her having made it out of the river. It was during one of Edward's status calls that Dean ran another scenario through to Edward._

"_Sir, there is a possibility that she didn't make it out of the water," Dean said._

_Just like before, it took a moment for the information to get through to Edward._

"_What are you saying?"_

"_It's possible that she may have been swept away by the river," Dean said._

"_Until I find evidence of that, we are working with the idea that she is still alive," Edward said. His voice had gone soft and deadly. Bella dead was one possibility that Edward refused to let into his consciousness._

"_Have them keep searching," Edward said. "Don't stop until you've found her."_

_After he'd hung up on Dean, Edward buried his head in his hands. Karma was definitely catching up to him, and he wasn't happy about it. If Bella thought that he'd just let her go, she had another thing coming. He was determined to find her, and when he did, he would ensure she never left him again._

* * *

><p>A few days after the funeral, Edward was finally on a flight back to Forks. He'd called Peter and refused to take on the responsibility of Carlisle's company. He'd survived long enough without dealing in Carlisle's type of business, and he planned on keeping it that way. The company could die along with him.<p>

He hadn't seen Esme after he'd last spoken to her in the office. She'd called him a few times, but he'd let the calls go to voicemail. He wasn't ready to face the truth of what she'd done as yet.

The cabin was quiet as the plane soared over the clouds towards Forks. The quiet gave him another chance to think. The news about Esme had hit him hard and made him realise just how much his relationship with Bella had been doomed from the start.

He loved her, it went without saying, but he was slowly beginning to wonder if that love was enough. He'd hurt her, time and time again, and nothing would ever change that. Bella obviously had feelings for Sebastian. So much so that she'd slept with him. She hadn't come right out and said it, but her actions spoke volumes. One thing she had spoken of was her disinterest in Edward. It was as if he was doomed to be pining after her for the rest of his life while she moved on. He knew that if she did truly move on, he would always be waiting in the wings wishing for what could have been.

It was late when Edward found himself on Bella's street. He knew that there was a slim chance that Alexis would still be awake, but he at least wanted to see Bella. Edward felt a sense of calmness come over him as he drove down the familiar street. Part of his family resided there, so in a way, it felt more like home.

Only the porch light was on when he stopped in front of the house. Someone was sitting on the front step. It only took him a moment to recognize Bella. His heart soared at the sight of her. A familiar ache and longing came over him. She looked up in surprise at the sound of his car.

After shutting off his car, Edward walked up to her and sat beside her on the front step.

"Is Alexis asleep?" he asked.

She nodded. "I didn't know you were coming back tonight, or I would have let her stay up a little later."

"It's alright," Edward assured her. A few minutes of silence passed between them. Despite everything, sitting beside Bella was a familiar and comforting thing.

"What are you doing out here?" Edward asked.

"I just needed some fresh air to clear my head," Bella said. She was looking up towards the sky and out towards the woods opposite to them.

Edward let a few more seconds of silence pass between them before he finally said what was on his mind.

"Rosalie told me about how Esme had treated you while you were in Chicago," he said.

Bella didn't look at him or show any sign of surprise at his words.

"So?" was all she said.

"So, why didn't you tell me?"

Bella looked at him, confused. "I didn't think you'd care. You'd already established time and time again that you didn't care what happened to me so long as you got what you wanted."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Edward said angrily. "Of course I would have cared."

"You keep saying that you would, but would you have really? You were horrible then, Edward. You were determined to do whatever it took to get what you wanted. What makes how you treated me different than how Esme did? The only difference is that she used words where you used force."

Edward looked away from her, ashamed. She was right, and they both knew it.

It was a cool, dark night. The only sounds to be heard were of insects in the surrounding forest.

Edward didn't know how to express how sorry he was. Words could never explain the depth of his remorse, and he knew his words were fruitless.

"Well, I'm going indoors. I suppose we'll see you tomorrow," Bella said as she stood.

Edward stood along with her. He wanted to apologize now but didn't know how to do it, so he said the only thing he could think of. "I'm sorry."

Then, seeing her confused look, he added, "I'm sorry for how Esme treated you and how I reacted."

Bella just nodded, but Edward could tell she didn't actually believe he was sorry.

She turned to continue to walk into the house, and Edward started heading towards his car.

"I didn't sleep with him," Bella said.

"What?" Edward asked as turned back towards her.

"Sebastian. I didn't sleep with him. We went back to his house to watch a movie, and I fell asleep halfway through. That's why I arrived back here so late."

Even though Edward tried to keep the relief off of his face, he couldn't help it. A small smile came to Bella's face as she narrowed her eyes.

"No need to look so pleased," she said. "Goodnight, Edward."

Then she continued into the house.

"Goodnight Bella," Edward said.

* * *

><p><strong>1,000+ thank yous for helping INO reach 1,000+ reviews. <strong>

**In the words of William Shakespeare, "I can no other answer make but thanks and thanks."**

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

****Special thanks to **Jenny/jennej and **BelleDuJour.**  
><strong>


	22. The Change

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>When a strong woman recklessly throws away her strength, <strong>

**she is worse than a weak woman who has **

**never had any strength to throw away. **

**- Thomas Hardy**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 21<strong>

**The Change**

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be," Bella read, and then for what felt like the hundredth time that morning, she closed the book and waited for the question she knew was coming.

"Can you read it one more time?" Alexis begged.

"I've already read it over and over."

"Just one more. I like when the mommy rocks the baby." Alexis picked up her bear and slowly began rocking it the same way the woman in the story had. Then she paused. "Why does she keeping rocking the baby?"

"It's her way of keeping sane and reminding herself that no matter how crazy her little boy drives her or how badly he behaved, she still loves him. It's like when you ask me to read the same book twenty times in a row, and I keep reading it," Bella said, as she reached over and tickled her daughter's sides. Alexis's laugh filled the quiet morning.

It was early. Almost too early for anyone to be awake, but an early bedtime the night before led to Alexis being wide awake early the next morning. Bella could see a few early morning rays through the mass of trees.

"When is Daddy coming back?" Alexis asked.

Bella sighed. She hadn't told Alexis that Edward had returned the night before. She thought it would be nicer if he surprised her.

"I don't know. He should be soon," Bella said. If there was one thing Alexis was good at, it was persistency.

"But he's coming for your birthday, right?" Alexis asked.

Bella cringed slightly at the reminder. Her birthday was never something she celebrated before when it was just her and Alexis. The day would pass without her even mentioning it to her daughter. This year was different. Renee had circled and highlighted the date in red ink on her calendar so there was no chance of it passing quietly.

To Alexis, Bella replied, "I'm sure he will."

There was hardly a chance that Edward would let the day pass quietly.

When Bella could hear Renee moving about in the kitchen, she and Alexis finally decided to leave the bedroom. The morning went by as usual. Bella wasn't sure when Edward would show up, but she assumed that he'd want to go back to the regular routine where he picked Alexis up from camp. After leaving Alexis in her room to get changed, Bella went into the kitchen where she found Renee standing by the counters, surveying the room.

"Have you thought about selling the house?" Renee asked just as Bella sat down.

Bella smiled slightly. "Good morning to you, too. Yes, I slept well. How about you?"

Renee laughed. "You know subtlety isn't my strong suit."

"No doubt about that," Bella said. "What was it you asked?"

"Have you thought about selling this house and getting something bigger?"

Bella thought about it for a second. Renee took her silence to mean she was upset.

"Oh, never mind," Renee said quickly. "I just wondered if you ever thought about moving to something bigger. I didn't mean to upset you."

Bella looked at her confused. "I'm not upset. It's just that your question caught me off guard."

"Oh. It's just that I'm not sure how you came to have the house?" Renee said, ending her sentence more like a question. Renee still didn't know about what happened from the time Bella went missing in Florida to when she came to Forks.

"I don't know," Bella stated. Whilst moving to something better did seem like an appealing idea, she wasn't sure she was ready. It was a lot to consider so early in the morning. Bella was so used to where they lived now that a small part of her was repelled at the idea of change.

She was saved from having to answer by Alexis walking into the room announcing, "I'm ready!"

Alexis then went around the counter to Renee to hug her goodbye.

"Think about it," Renee said softly over Alexis's head. "You don't have to, but it's just an idea."

Bella nodded, indicating that she would think about. After dropping Alexis off at camp, Bella went back to the house. This was usually the time she spent in class, but her semester had ended a few weeks before, leaving Bella with some time alone. Renee was gone, so Bella looked forward to catching up on the sleep she'd lost with Alexis's early morning rise.

Before she could head back to bed, the ringing of the phone stopped her.

"Damn," she muttered to herself. Sleep would have to wait.

"Hello?" she asked as she picked it up.

"Bella?" A familiar voice came through the other line, pushing any thoughts of sleep out of her mind.

"Alice?" Bella asked in surprise. It had only been a short time since she'd last seen her, but already Bella missed Alice like crazy. Before Alice had left, Bella had given Alice her number and made her promise to call as soon as she could. "How have you been? How are things with your family?"

"It's been great!" Alice said. Bella immediately picked up on the difference in Alice's voice. She sounded happy for once. "Being away from all of that now, I can't believe how long it took me to leave." She sighed. "My family really missed me. When I was with Jasper, I was completely isolated from them." She sighed sadly again.

"So how have you been?" Alice asked. "I heard Edward came back the night before."

"How do you know that?" Bella asked.

"I'm still in touch with Rosalie. Seems Esme isn't doing too well," Alice said as a matter-of-fact.

"Hard to remember that someone like that actually has feelings," Bella mumbled to herself, but Alice heard it anyway and laughed.

"So, how are things with you and Edward?"

"He's only been back one night. Not enough time for anything to happen."

Alice huffed. "Sure it is. A lot can happen in one night."

"True," Bella admitted. "It seems Edward found out about how Esme treated me while I was in Chicago."

"Really? Rosalie didn't tell me that."

"He was mad, because I didn't tell him."

"I don't think he was so much mad at you as he was at himself," Alice said.

Even though Alice couldn't see it, Bella's eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that unlike his father and brothers, Edward is actually seeing the error of his ways."

"So what am I supposed to do? Accept that Edward's behaviour was as a result of his bad childhood? That he didn't mean to do it, and it was just something he couldn't control? Isn't that just human nature?" Bella asked angrily. "To find someone or something else to blame for their actions? If some kids shoot up a school, blame Marilyn Manson. Does passing the blame to others make it better?"

Bella could hear Alice sigh on the other line. "It doesn't make it better," she said. "It just helps to understand him a little."

Bella didn't answer for a moment, and when she did, even she could hear the stubbornness in her voice. "What Edward did was inexcusable, and I'll never understand."

"In every aspect you shouldn't even have to try to."

The line was silent for a moment.

"Out of curiosity, are you still legally married to Edward or have you divorced him?"

"Legally I'm still married," Bella admitted reluctantly.

"Really? I thought you would have been quick to divorce him."

"So did I," Bella said, seeing no reason to be guarded with Alice. "I guess I'm a little worried about the backlash of filing for divorce."

"Backlash?"

"This just doesn't just affect me, but Alexis as well. I don't want this to turn into a custody battle. Rocking the boat seems like too dangerous a feat. I run the risk of it tipping over on me."

"I see your point."

"Maybe if I push him away hard enough, he'll give up and file for divorce himself, and cut all ties himself. Including with Alexis."

"I don't see that happening," Alice said slowly.

On the other side, Bella could hear someone speaking to Alice.

"Okay, give me a minute," Alice said to the person.

To Bella she said, "Well, I hope you figure it out."

"So do I."

"I have to go now, but in case you need anything, you can always call me." Alice said, before calling out her phone number for Bella.

"I will," Bella promised.

After hanging up the phone, Bella found that she was too antsy from her conversation with Alice to sleep. She still had several hours until Alexis came home from camp. Even though, just a few minutes ago, she'd liked the idea of being alone, she missed Alexis's company. Aside from asking the same question a hundred times, Alexis had the ability of making Bella feel like all of her problems had disappeared.

A few hours later, the sound of a car stopping in front of the house alerted Bella to the fact that her time alone was up. She opened the door just in time to see Alexis jump out of Edward's car and run up the pathway toward the house. Edward was right behind her.

"Look, Mommy. Daddy's back."

"Really?" Bella said, feigning surprise. She couldn't help but laugh at Alexis's enthusiasm. It was hard to believe that she'd only known Edward for a few months. Edward gave Bella a small smile.

"You hadn't tell her I'd returned?" Edward asked, as he walked up the steps to the house.

"Nah. I figured it would be more fun if you surprised her."

"It was. You should have seen her face," Edward said.

"She really missed you," Bella admitted.

"Same here," Edward replied.

While Alexis went inside to put down her things, Bella stayed out on the front step with Edward.

"What are your birthday plans?" Edward asked abruptly.

Bella thought about it for a minute. Before, she'd been so preoccupied with trying to keep a roof over their heads and making sure that Alexis had everything she needed that her birthday was seen as something of inconsequence. Alexis's birthday was a celebration; hers was just another day.

To Edward she replied, "I have nothing planned. I'm not sure if Renee does. It's a work day for me anyway so most of it is going to pass there."

Edward looked away thoughtfully while Bella was filled with dread. She was relieved when Alexis came back out with her bicycle, giving her the opportunity to go inside.

From the kitchen window, Bella could see father and daughter. Alexis rode up and down the street while Edward stayed close by watching her. Whilst a small part of her wished Edward wasn't in the picture, a larger part was glad that he was there. Not for her but rather for Alexis.

Standing there watching them now, Bella thought back to that first day after she'd left Edward. She'd assumed that the hardest part of it all was the escape. It wasn't until she was finally free that she realised how very wrong she'd been.

* * *

><p><em>No sooner had she broken the surface of the water and submerged far enough down, did she begin to swim towards the canopy of trees that would block her from security's sight. When she was sure that it was blocking her from view, she resurfaced. Security was scanning the water from the bridge, but they couldn't see her.<em>

_Bella knew there wasn't any time to waste. Pulling herself up from the bank, she ran as far from the river as possible. From the lumber and steel placed to the side, she realised she was in the parking lot of a construction building. Prior to her leaving, Eryn had given her some directions as to where to go, so crossing out of the parking lot, she came onto an avenue. Once out on the street, she began to walk with a brisk pace down the street, away from the river. _

_A few blocks down, she found the shopping centre that she'd told Edward she'd wanted to go to. Walking towards it, she stopped off at the first shop she could find, to purchase some dry clothes. The woman behind the counter gave a quizzical look at Bella's soaked state. Bella avoided her gaze as much as possible. She kept looking over her shoulder to see if she was being followed. A few minutes after leaving the store, she found a bathroom and quickly changed. Every sound made her jump. Her nerves were on edge, and she knew she would be on edge for a long time. Safety and security were no longer in her future. _

_After discarding her wet clothes in a nearby bin, she continued away from the shopping centre. She was afraid to stay there any longer than necessary. It would be one of the first places the security team looked._

_Not until she was several blocks away did she really allow herself the time to pause. She was in a large park. Couples and families went about their business around her. Adrenaline had kept the fear at bay, but now it came in a rush that left her breathless. She collapsed onto a bench._

_Despite the fear, she felt relieved. She'd done it. She'd finally gathered the strength and ran. She was free. The thought brought a small smile to her face. Bella thought for a moment about Edward. He would be furious when he found out, and if he found her again, he would show that fury. Shaking her head, Bella dispelled the thought from her mind. Now was not the time to be thinking about it. She had to keep moving. It was the only way to survive._

_Bella did her best to remain inconspicuous. Not drawing attention to herself was important, but as the mind always did when you are on edge, Bella felt as though people were staring at her. She felt as though it was written on her forehead that she was on the run from her husband._

_Almost half a mile from the shopping centre, Bella found the bus stop Eryn had told her about. The idea was to get as far away from the area as possible. She could only go so far on foot, so the rest would be by bus. As she stood waiting by the bus stop for the bus to arrive, Bella couldn't help glancing over her shoulder every few seconds. Every van that drove by made her heart race. Every time someone passed behind her, she would jump from fear._

_When the bus finally arrived, she didn't even wait for people to get off before she hurried on. There were a few grumbles of protest from the other passengers. Bella found a seat towards the very back, determined not to be caught by surprise by anyone. She wouldn't let herself breathe a small sigh of relief until the bus had pulled away from the curb. As the bus drove through the busy Chicago streets, Bella kept her eyes peeled for any sign that she was being followed. Every time the bus stopped to pick up passengers, her body tensed, and she couldn't relax until they were on the move again._

_When Bella got as far as the bus could take her, she disembarked quickly, and took another one. Luckily, this one was waiting when she arrived, so she didn't have to wait for it. By the time the sun had begun to set, Bella had rode three more buses, before finally disembarking the last one. She hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and the constant fear had left her tired. She wanted nothing more than to lie down for a while._

_After turning down the street, Bella walked away from the bus stop. Her feet ached, and she hoped that the place wasn't too far. After a few minutes of walking, Bella finally reached her destination. She pulled out a small piece of paper from her pocket. On it, Eryn had written an address. Bella double checked that she was at the correct place. She was._

_Even if she hadn't had the paper, she would have known it right away. The building was in need of some serious renovations. A few of the windows were broken and had been boarded up by cardboard. Even the pavement was cracked. From her spot, Bella could see a few women and children walking up the steps into the building._

_After crossing the street, Bella walked up the steps. Whilst the outside had suffered damage, whoever ran the place had done an impeccable job of keeping it neat on the inside. The woman and her child who'd entered a few minutes before Bella were now being directed through another door._

_Behind a desk, a kind, elderly woman stood and greeted Bella as she walked up. The woman looked tired but happy, as if she'd seen a lot today, but it hadn't changed her demeanor. _

"_Hello, dear. How can I help you?" There were wrinkles at the corner of her eyes and mouth when she smiled. _

"_Umm." Bella wasn't sure what to say._

_Despite Bella's lack of words, the woman seemed to understand the words Bella couldn't say._

"_Don't worry, dear. No matter what happened before, you're safe now," she said, as she gently rested a hand on Bella's. "Just head through that door," she pointed to the same door the woman and child had gone through. "Dinner starts in a few minutes."_

_Bella didn't know what else to say, so she just smiled slightly and nodded. Her steps seemed to echo as she walked the few steps to the door the woman had pointed out. When she'd pushed it open, Bella found herself in a crowded hall. Women and children of all ages sat at tables conversing in loud voices. While Bella was in the entry office, the voices had been muffled by the thick door, but now that she was inside, she realised how loud it was. It was a little overwhelming. _

_Even though all the women and children were of different ages, they did share one thing in common. Home was no longer safe._

_Eryn had told her about the battered women's shelter one night while they were charting out the course Bella should take when she left. The shelter provided some remnants of safety and security. Bella didn't want to risk staying outdoors for too long, lest Edward's security team found her. She hoped that there would be less of a chance of finding her here, than if she'd checked into a motel._

_Just to the side, people stood in line with trays to collect the dinner being served by volunteers. Bella grabbed a tray and joined the line._

_She was handed a small tray piled with different types of food. Each of the volunteers gave her a sympathetic smile as she passed them._

_The hall was crowded, but Bella was able to find an empty table in one of the corners. Even though she was hungry before, Bella found it difficult to eat, but she hadn't eaten since morning so she knew there was no way she could skip dinner as well. _

"_Never seen you around here before," a voice said, a few seconds before a tray landed opposite to her. The owner plopped herself down opposite to Bella without being asked._

_The woman looked about the same age as Bella. Her hair was cropped short, and she wore a dirty long sleeve sweat shirt that covered her arms, but on her neck, Bella could see finger print marks. The woman reeked of cigarettes and something much stronger._

"_Well?" the woman asked, as she took a pack of crackers off the tray and began opening it._

"_This is the first time I've been here," Bella said, once she'd recovered herself from the unexpected guest._

_The woman nodded. "I'm Amy," she said, holding out her hand._

"_Nice to meet you," Bella said uncertainly as she took Amy's outstretched hand and shook it. _

"_So what's your story?" Amy asked._

"_Story?"_

"_Yeah. What brought you to this little slice of hell?"_

_Bella didn't know how to respond._

_Amy seemed to sense something in her silence. "Oh I see. It's a secret. No problem. I guess the better question is what made you leave?"_

_Again, Bella didn't know how to respond so she remained quiet._

"_Okay, I'll go first. Boyfriend of five years was a huge jackass, but I guess I was the bigger one, because I kept going back to him. Even after he'd broken my arm twice. Anyway, he died last year from kidney disease leaving me alone and pregnant. A year later, here I am. Apparently I didn't learn from the first jerk, because I found another one just like him. I left him a few days ago after he threw me through a table. Now I'm just waiting to get back on my feet. Your turn."_

"_Ummm," was all Bella could muster. She hadn't known Amy more than fifteen minutes and already this stranger had shared her life story._

"_Okay, you don't want to talk. That's fine," Amy said with a shrug. Then Amy smiled a cunning smile. "So when are you due?"_

_Bella's expression froze. Amy just smiled. "It's a gift," she said. "My mother always had a knack for telling when a woman was pregnant, and I guess she passed it on to me."_

"_Okay," Bella said, still trying to recover from the shock of it. _

"_Are you keeping it?" Amy asked._

"_Yes," Bella replied. She'd remained mostly silent while Amy was talking, but for some reason now, she felt the need to speak. Making the decision to keep the baby was a decision that she was actually proud of. _

_Amy gave her a disappointed look. "You're crazy to keep that kid," she said pointing her finger at Bella. "I gave mine up for adoption as soon as it was born. It was a tiny thing. I had no chance of raising him myself. Figured I'd let someone else do it. If you're here it means you don't have much of a life elsewhere, so what type of life are you giving your kid? Seems kinda selfish." Amy spoke in a nonchalant way. As if she was talking about the weather and not an unborn baby._

"_Well, I guess it's your decision anyway."_

_In other circumstances, Bella would have liked the company, but right now, all she wanted was to be left alone. Also, Amy was placing new dilemmas in front of Bella, and she wasn't sure she could handle much more right now. Bella was already close to her breaking point. _

_After a dinner in which Amy did most of the talking, and Bella just picked at her food, Amy led Bella to another room where the beds were laid just a few feet apart from each other. The room was pretty cramped, but the owners had tried to squeeze as many beds into it as possible. Another one of the volunteers gave her a bag of toiletries and told her to pick whichever bed was empty. There were already several women with their children inside of the room. Some asleep, some conversing quietly. One child was crying for her father and asking to go home. Bella found an empty bed on the other side of the room._

_As Bella passed in between the beds, she thought about what Amy had said. She was right. Bella had been so preoccupied with escaping that she hadn't put much thought into what she was going to do now. This living situation was only temporary, and either way, it wasn't the type of life she wanted to bring a child into. Nor was it the ideal situation._

_She was eighteen, pregnant and on the run from her abusive husband. That wasn't the best life for anyone. Let alone a baby._

_She thought about what Amy had said about giving her child up for adoption. It did seem like a viable option. One that Bella really needed to take into consideration._

* * *

><p>"Happy birthday," a voice said, a few seconds before Bella felt something poke her in the eye.<p>

"Ow," Bella, as she opened her eyes.

Alexis was standing in front of her, a huge smile on her face. "Happy birthday," she repeated.

Bella smiled in response. "Thank you." Reaching over, Bella pulled Alexis into her arms. "And thank you for the painful alarm."

"You're welcome. Grandma has something for you. You have to get up," Alexis said, as she grabbed one of Bella's hands and started tugging.

"Okay, I'm up," Bella said.

Alexis stayed close by Bella's side as she got ready, often prompting her to hurry up if she thought Bella was moving too slow.

"Now close your eyes," Alexis said, when Bella was finally ready.

"Okay." Bella quickly complied.

She felt Alexis grab her hand and start pulling her towards the kitchen. As Alexis pulled her, Bella still reached her hand out just in case Alexis accidentally led her into a wall.

"Okay stop," Alexis said a few seconds later. "Now count to three, and then open your eyes."

Bella fought to keep the smile off of her face. "Okay." After she'd counted slowly out loud, she opened her eyes to see Renee and Alexis standing by the counter holding a plate.

"Surprise!" Alexis shouted, while Renee said, "Happy Birthday."

Bella smiled in response. "Thank you."

Bella saw that the plate they were holding contained pancakes. There was another stack on the table behind them. Bella had to fight the urge the laugh when she saw that the pancake on her plate had teeth marks in it. Bella guessed that breakfast was courtesy Alexis.

Renee seemed to have guessed the question in Bella's head, because she answered it for her.

"Alexis made your breakfast this morning." She too was fighting the urge to laugh.

"Really?" Bella asked, feigning surprise before reaching over and hugging her daughter in thanks.

"Happy birthday," Renee said, as she pulled Bella into her arms. There were tears in Renee's eyes. This was the first birthday in a few years that Bella got to spend with her mother. Bella didn't want her to be sad so she was quick to change the topic.

"Did you send her in to poke me in the eye?" Bella asked suspiciously.

Renee laughed. "No, I just told her to wake you up. What method she chose was her own doing."

After breakfast with Renee and Alexis, Renee left Bella at home while she dropped Alexis at camp.

Bella had assumed she would be working on her birthday, but while Renee was gone, she'd received a message from her manager giving her the day off. The message had stumped Bella. She couldn't understand how her birthday was grounds for a day off. It was the first time she'd ever heard of something like that happening.

She'd considered insisting on going to work today, but decided not to push it. One day off couldn't hurt. For the most part, her birthday was quiet. Aside from going to lunch in town with Renee, the two stayed home.

Just after three, Edward's car stopped in front of the house. Bella hadn't heard the car stop, but Renee had so she went to open the door for Alexis. Edward was close behind her. Bella hadn't noticed the box in Alexis's hands until she was standing right beside her.

"Mommy, I bought you something," Alexis said as she placed a large gift wrapped box in front of Bella. Bella's eyes immediately shot to Edward's and narrowed. She knew he had something to do with this.

To Alexis she said, "Thank you." After picking Alexis up, Bella gave her a hug.

"You have to open it," Alexis said, pointing to the box.

"Okay. Why don't you help me?" Together, they began tugging at strings and paper, until all that was left was the box. Bella's jaw dropped at what was inside.

"How?" Bella asked, looking up at Edward.

"I remembered that you'd loved it while we were in high school," Edward explained, as Bella continued to gaze in surprise at the new camera Edward had bought her.

"I can't accept this," Bella said. Cameras like those were expensive, and whilst it was true that she'd always wanted one, she definitely didn't like the idea of Edward spending all that money on her.

"But that would hurt Alexis's feelings," Edward said. "She picked this one out herself."

Bella shot Edward another blazing look. He was smart. He knew Bella couldn't not accept a gift from Alexis.

"Thank you, Alexis," Bella said.

"Well, I'd better go," Edward said.

"Wait, but you can't go. We have to sing Mommy 'Happy Birthday,'" Alexis said.

Edward gave Bella a small smile while he answered Alexis. "I can't stay. I have work to do."

Bella knew he was only saying that because he knew his presence wasn't something she wanted. A small part of her wanted to tell him it was okay for him to stay, but she kept quiet about it.

Alexis sighed sadly. "Okay." She looked crestfallen.

"Goodbye, Renee," Edward said as he was leaving. "Happy birthday, Bella."

Then, with one last wave, he turned and left.

Renee raised one eyebrow at Bella.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing."

The rest of the evening passed quietly for which Bella was glad. She'd never been one for extravagance and being able to spend her birthday with the people she loved made it great. Even though she never mentioned it, Bella knew that this birthday reminded Renee of the time when Bella had been missing. How Renee passed those days Bella didn't know, and she didn't want to ask.

When night had fallen, birthday songs were sung and Alexis was finally in bed, Bella sat on the front step with Renee. They talked about different topics. Mostly they reminisced about life in Florida. They even talked about Bella's father. As the conversation began to dwindle, and Bella was contemplating going inside, Renee suddenly asked a question that had been burning inside her for a while.

"So, figured out what is going on between you and Edward yet?"

"Again, Mom, subtlety is not your strong point."

Renee shrugged, unaffected.

Bella sighed sadly. "I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out what I want. All I know is I want to make some changes. I'm not really happy with the way things are, but I don't know what I want."

"Well, sweetie, you'll have to decide what you really want before you can go for it. No one can make the decision or change for you. You have to make it for yourself."

"That's the hard part. I don't know what I want."

"Don't worry, you'll figure it out soon enough," Renee said, patting Bella's hand softly. Bella wondered what Renee's advice would be if she told her the full truth about what happened between her and Edward. So far, Renee's advice had been non-biased. She didn't know the full story. There were several times throughout the last few months that Bella had contemplated telling Renee the truth, but she stopped herself before she did. Renee didn't need that burden. Once Bella told her, she couldn't un-tell her.

It was getting late, and a sudden chill filled the night air, so the two went inside a few minutes later.

In the days that followed, Bella thought a lot about what Renee had said. She was right when she'd said that it was up to her to make the change. The problem was that she kept wanting change, but when it came to actually going through with it, she found it difficult. It was one thing to want change, and it was a whole other thing to actually make it happen.

One afternoon in early September, as Edward brought Alexis home from school, Bella stopped him before he could leave.

"Wait," she called, just as he was walking the path to his car.

"Yeah?" Edward asked as he turned.

Bella took a small deep breath before she asked her question.

"I was thinking, maybe you would like to have Alexis some days? So instead of having to come here to see her, you could take her to your house."

Edward looked at her surprised. "Where is this coming from?"

For some reason, he seemed dismayed by Bella's proposition.

Bella sighed. "I realised it wasn't fair to you to make you keep coming over to my house to see Alexis."

"I don't mind," Edward said quickly, wanting to assure Bella that he had no qualms about going to her house every day. Unfortunately for Bella, that was the problem. If she really wanted to break from Edward, she would have to start the separation now. It wasn't fair to keep leading Edward on like that. It was time they start living separate lives.

"No. You deserve your time with her without me breathing down your neck."

Edward didn't seem pleased, but he nodded anyway. "Okay."

"What times are fine with you?"

"I'm free most days. I bend my work around the times I spend with her."

"Okay, maybe a few hours each week twice a week? And overnight on weekends?" Bella asked uncertainly. She didn't want him to think she was dictating how much time he could spend with his child. It was something they needed to work on together seeing as it affected both of them. When she did file for divorce, they had to be able to cooperate when it came to raising Alexis.

"Okay. How about Saturday noon to Sunday noon?" he suggested.

Bella breathed a small sigh of relief. She'd thought that Edward would be more difficult. If he was willing to work with her, then that was a good sign. Maybe if she filed for divorce, he wouldn't be difficult.

"That's fine," she said.

"Alright. I'll bring her back to you tomorrow by six."

"Okay," Bella said.

If they kept this up, the amount of time Bella actually saw Edward would be reduced to a few hours each week in between exchanges. She hated that Alexis would now be reduced to being passed from parent to parent. She just hoped that in the long run, it was for the better.

Once the deed was done, and the problems had been ironed out, Bella had assumed that she would get used to the new arrangement, but a small part of her wasn't sure if it was the right choice. She'd been so used to Edward being around most days, that his absence was hard to miss.

On the first day of her and Edward's new arrangement, Sebastian had invited Bella out to the local coffee shop. Edward wasn't expected to bring Alexis back for a few hours.

"So how was practical today?" Sebastian asked as they waited for their orders.

Today was the first day Bella had gone in for field work in the hospital. Even though she was making decent money at her job, she didn't want to stop her degree now. Her first experience in the hospital had been nothing short of horrifying.

"I almost fainted," she said to Sebastian.

Sebastian laughed. "You'll get used to it," he said.

"I doubt that."

Once they'd received their drinks, they found a spot close to the door.

Bella still couldn't figure out what it was, but something about Sebastian always put her at ease. It was the complete opposite to when she was with Edward. She and Edward had so much history that it was hard to see him without seeing their past. Bella had been so caught up on her thoughts that she hadn't realised that Sebastian was asking her something.

"What?" Bella asked. Her brain wasn't working at its fastest right now.

Sebastian smiled slightly as he repeated himself. "Would you like to go out with me?"

"What?" He'd completely caught her off guard.

"It's just that the last time we went out, I had a really good time with you. I was hoping we could do it again. This time on a real date."

"Real date?"

"Yes, a real date."

Bella thought about it for a moment. Really, there was no reason for her not to go out with Sebastian. She wanted change, and really, this was her chance to try change out. If it didn't work, then at least she tried. It was time she stopped holding onto the past and embraced the future she could have.

Sebastian was still waiting for her response, so to him she said, "Okay. Let's do it."

* * *

><p><strong>So, what's everyone been up to?<strong>

**The book Bella reads in the beginning is a children's book called **

**Love You Forever and is written by Robert Munsch.  
><strong>

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

****Special thanks to kitchmill **and **BelleDuJour.****


	23. Castle of Glass

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep and still be counted as warriors.<br>**

**- Adrienne Rich**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 22<strong>

**Castle of Glass**

Edward knew he should have seen it coming. He should have known that the moment things were going well, the rug would be pulled out from underneath him. Unfortunately, he'd gotten so used to the way things were that he was oblivious and ill prepared for what came next. When Bella had expressed her desire to Edward about him keeping Alexis for a few nights, that was the rug being pulled. And when he realised it was her way of keeping him away, that was when he fell flat on his face. Even though he'd agreed to it without question, a large part of him was angry and hurt. This was her way of pushing him farther away. The one reprieve was that she wasn't pushing him out of Alexis's life as well— just hers.

"Are you angry at her for that?" Dr. Haner asked.

Even though the prospect of him getting back together with Bella looked bleak, Edward still kept up with his therapy sessions. It had gotten to the point where these sessions were more for him than for her. He wanted to get past all of his issues and be a better person. If not for Bella or himself, then for Alexis.

"No," Edward snapped at her question, but by the look on her face, they both knew that was not true.

"Remember, you don't have to be guarded here," Dr. Haner reminded him. "I'm not here to pass judgement on you."

Edward let out a large breath. "Yes, I was mad at her. I know I shouldn't be, but I couldn't help it."

"We can't help the way we feel," Dr. Haner assured him. "What matters is that you didn't let that anger get the best of you. It shows you are really making great progress."

"Doesn't feel that way."

"Change rarely does. As we go through life, we hardly notice the changes around us. It isn't until we stop and look back that we really see how far we've come." Dr. Haner paused for a moment to let that sink in.

Edward thought about it for a moment. Dr. Haner was right. He had come a long way since Florida, but either way, he still wasn't happy, because he wasn't at the point he wanted to be.

"Let's talk a bit about life in Florida. Maybe if we explored life then a little bit, it will help you to see the changes," Dr. Haner suggested.

"Okay."

"When you think back to life in Florida, what do you remember the most?"

Edward thought about it for a moment. Bella was the obvious answer. Every time they'd spent together was forever embedded into his mind, but he wanted to give a different answer.

"My parents."

"What do you remember about them?"

"My father treated my mother like a punching bag, and when he wasn't doing that he was usually out looking for the mother of his next bastard child." Edward hated talking about his parents, but he supposed the root of all his problems lied with them. It always came back to his parents.

"When your father was abusing your mother, what would you do?"

Edward thought back to his childhood and teenage years for a moment. "My brothers were either gone or just didn't care, so I'd seek solace somewhere else until it quieted. Either at a park or another place where I could be alone. After I'd met Bella, I began to seek refuge with her."

"So she became a source of comfort?" Dr. Haner asked.

"Yeah. Our relationship wasn't all bad. In the beginning, it was great. When I was with her, I felt that everything was okay. She had an uncanny way of making me forget all my problems. She was funny, smart and literally my best friend. She was also very strong and brave. Some days I wished my mother would have been that brave. I saw in Bella some of the aspects I wish I'd seen in my mother."

"So Bella was your safe haven," Dr. Haner stated. "Why did it change?"

"I was always afraid that she would leave me. That she would find someone better and push me off. It got to the point where I hated when other guys so much as looked at her. I became possessive and resorted to the only way I knew how to keep women— by beating them into submission." Edward hated admitting all of this. He hated exposing his deepest thoughts and flaws. At the same time, he was relieved. These were memories that had been swimming around inside of him for a long time, and now that he had the chance to let it out, it was a liberation.

"Even now," Edward continued. "It's hard seeing her with Sebastian. I want her to be mine again."

"Before you used to use force to keep Bella with you, now you don't. What changed?"

"I realised Bella is not my mother. That same strength that I saw in her and loved right away wouldn't back down, and I love her too much to hurt her like that again. I want her to be happy, but I want her to be happy with me." Edward sighed sadly. "I just wish she'd give me a chance."

"Have you ever tried asking Bella why she's angry?" Dr. Haner asked.

"No. The answer is obvious isn't it? I treated her like crap."

"Not necessarily. You might find that the answer isn't obvious at all. Maybe you can try asking her why it is that she is still angry at you despite your best effort. That is your question isn't it?"

"Yes, but what good would that do?"

Dr. Haner shrugged. "It may help you understand why she's pushing you away."

Edward was still certain that the reason for Bella's hostility lied in the way he had treated her, but he didn't want to argue with the therapist anymore.

A few minutes later, Edward left the office after promising he would ask Bella where the main reason for her anger lie. Walking out to his car, Edward pulled out his phone to see if he had any missed calls. He'd put the phone on silent before going into the office. There was a message from Leah, who'd known Edward would be busy and several missed calls from Esme. Edward hadn't spoken to her since that time in Chicago, and he had no plans on doing so. What she'd done was inexcusable. The small rational part of Edward whispered Bella's words back to him. _What makes how you treated me different than how Esme did? The only difference is that she used words where you used force._

It was almost time for him to meet Bella so he could have Alexis for the weekend. Edward hated the whole idea of visiting with his daughter, but the only other option was to challenge Bella for joint physical custody of Alexis and there was no way he was going to do that. Bella would never agree to it without some kind of court order, and Alexis could only go so long without seeing Bella. Even when Alexis spent the weekends with Edward, she still spoke to her mother at night, and during those conversations, Edward could sense that she missed Bella terribly.

When Edward arrived at the park where he and Bella made their exchanges, he saw that the duo were already there. To make the exchange easier for Alexis, Bella had suggested that they made the exchange at a park— a place where Alexis felt more relaxed.

At the present moment, Bella was going through the play structure with Alexis. Edward couldn't help but laugh as he watched Bella go down the slide with Alexis and chase her around her monkey bars. Even though it was cutting into his time, Edward let them have their moment. Not having Alexis for a whole weekend couldn't be easy for Bella either.

Eventually, Bella looked up and noticed Edward's car in the parking lot. She called up to Alexis who was just about to go down the slide one more time. He watched as Alexis bargained with Bella for two more slides to which Bella relented.

Once her two slides were over, Alexis ran over to where Edward was waiting while Bella went to her truck to get Alexis's things.

"Daddy-o," she called as she ran to him.

"Hey," Edward said as he picked her up. "Did you have a good day?"

"Yup. Ethan didn't eat all his cookies from snack time so I got it instead."

"Sounds like fun."

Looking over Alexis's head, Edward saw Bella waiting with Alexis's bags in hand.

"Hey, Bella," Edward said, working to keep his voice formal.

He hadn't seen her in more than a week. Renee had been the one to drop Alexis off and pick her back up. Edward knew he shouldn't, but he still asked Alexis if she knew where her mother was during those times. Alexis had said Bella was at school. Looking at Bella now, Edward felt a familiar ache in his chest. He loved her and missed her terribly. It didn't help that he knew she was also getting closer to Sebastian. Whereas Bella had remained quiet on it, Alexis had told Edward that she, Bella, Sebastian and Sebastian's son had gone out a few times.

"Hey, Edward," Bella replied.

They tried to be as civil as possible to each other while in Alexis's company. Edward knew all too well how watching your parents argue could affect a child.

"I'll see you Sunday then," Bella said to Edward and Alexis as she handed Edward the bags.

There were so many things Edward wanted to say to her. He thought about asking the question Dr. Haner had posed to him, but he knew now was not the time.

"Bye, Mommy," Alexis said.

Bella gave them one last smile before leaving. Exchanges were always done quickly with minimal talk.

Edward sighed. "So how was your week?" Edward asked as he buckled Alexis into the back of his car.

"Good," she replied. Alexis's enthusiasm for Edward had not waned in the slightest. "Can we go to the pizza place?"

"Not tonight," Edward said. "I have some work to do this evening."

"Tomorrow?" she asked.

"Sure, tomorrow."

Later that evening as Edward went over some last minute investments, Alexis sat in the living room, just within Edward's vision, watching the latest episode of her favourite show. Edward had set up his work area from such a spot that he could still keep an eye on her. Occasionally, he would glance over the top of his laptop just to check on her. Alexis seemed a little out of this evening. She wasn't her usual energetic self. Usually she would be bouncing off the walls and asking a hundred questions a minute. It was odd seeing her sitting quietly. He supposed she was just tired from a long day at school.

When his cell phone rang, Edward picked it up and answered it without looking at the caller ID He was expecting a call from Leah so he assumed it was her.

"Hello?"

Esme's soft broken voice came through the phone. "Please don't hang up."

Edward paused from sorting through some papers on his desk. He hadn't spoken to Esme since the funeral, and he cursed himself for not checking the ID before answering.

Edward sighed. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to talk to you," she said.

Edward looked out to the living room again. Alexis wasn't paying him any attention, but either way, he preferred not to let her hear any part of the conversation so he went out into the backyard instead.

"Talk about what?" he asked.

"I wanted to apologize for how I treated Bella when she was here."

"It's not me you need to apologize to."

"How can I? She won't talk to me," Esme said. Then she paused. "Do you really think if I'd treated Bella differently in Chicago she would have stayed?" She didn't ask her question unkindly. It seemed she was genuinely curious.

"It's not about that," Edward said.

"Then what is it? Why have you been ignoring my phone calls? I want to make this better."

"It's too late for that."

The line was quiet for a moment. "You chose Bella over me," she stated. She didn't sound angry, just really sad.

"It's not just Bella. It's everything. A whole culmination of events that lead to this. You're upset because I chose Bella over you, when you did the same thing to me with Carlisle. You had a number of chances to leave him. I even begged you throughout my childhood, but you always chose him over Jasper, Emmett and me. Now look what happened. Emmett and Jasper thinks it's okay to treat women the way Carlisle treated you. "

"I will never be able to make up for that," Esme said. "The same way Bella keeps throwing your past at you, you throw mine at me."

Edward didn't know how to respond to that, because she was right.

"Daddy, can I have chocolate milk?" Alexis asked suddenly from behind him. Edward hadn't heard her come outside.

"Is that Alexis?" Esme asked.

Pulling the phone away from his ear, Edward said, "Give me a minute, I'll be right in."

To Esme he said, "I have to go."

"Wait, I still want to see her," Esme said.

"That's not up to me," Edward said. Then he hung up.

Edward hated locking his mother out of his life. Even though she'd been the cause of a great deal of pain for him throughout his life, at the end of the day, she was still his mother. The problem was that Edward preferred the new life and person he'd become, or at least he preferred this new person to the person he'd been in Chicago. With this new life he'd built and these new chances he had, he was afraid to bring anything or anyone from his old life into his new life that could ruin it. Everything in this new life was like a fragile castle made of glass, and the slightest mistake could cause it to break.

Edward had felt the crumbling before. He knew the pain and devastation that had followed well. It had been present with him after Bella had run and even now, he still had the scars to show from it.

* * *

><p><em>First there was anger, and then there was grief. The ruthless grief that left him breathless. It had been more than three months since Bella had gone missing. Despite a number of searches, security was no closer to finding her. Edward had sent someone to keep an eye on Bella's mother, in case that was where she was headed, but so far they've had no such luck. Edward wasn't surprised. Bella would have known that Renee's was the first place he would look for her. Where that left, Edward didn't know. There was still no solid proof that Bella had even made it out of the river. There was a better chance that she'd been swept away by the river, and even if she had made it out, she was without money and without any real place to go which made finding her all the more difficult.<em>

_In the time after Bella's disappearance, Edward avoided his family at all costs. They all insisted that he get over her, and he grew continuously frustrated with their lack of empathy. A few nights before, Emmett had pushed Edward's buttons as hard as he could causing Edward to hit him, and Emmett in turn to break Edward's clavicle. Esme had been horrified while Carlisle just didn't seem to care._

_One night late in November, unable to handle the quiet and solitude of the house, Edward went out driving. He'd already taken several painkillers, more than the prescribed dosage, when he stopped off at a local bar. He needed his mind to go numb. Just for one night, he wanted to forget._

_Walking inside, Edward was glad to see that it was packed with the usual late night drinkers. It meant that the clank of glasses and noise from the voices would distract him. Sitting on one of the stools, Edward didn't have to wait long to be served. As usual, ID was no problem. _

_Four drinks later, Edward was beginning to realise that alcohol was not going to solve his problem._

"_Hi there," a smooth voice said from beside him._

_Edward looked up in surprise. He hadn't noticed anyone sit beside him, and he was surprised to see a blonde woman perched on the stool next to him. Through the haze of the alcohol, Edward could make out very slightly that she was pretty._

"_You come here often?" the woman asked, when several minutes had passed and Edward hadn't uttered a word._

"_No," he said coldly. He wasn't in the mood to entertain someone tonight. He just wanted to be left alone._

"_Oh, I figured so," the woman went on. "I've been around here several times, and it's the first time I've seen you here."_

_She paused as if waiting for a response, and when she didn't get one, she went on anyway. "Did you come here with someone?"_

_Edward passed her a side glance. Even he, in his alcohol and painkillers induced state, heard the desperation in her voice._

"_No," he said in response._

"_Well that's hard to believe. A handsome fellow like you." She pressed her fingertips lightly on his hand. Edward fought the urge to pull his hand away. He also fought the urge to pull his face away when a few moments later she leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't the distraction he was looking for, but it was working._

_Taking his hand, she led him around the bar to one of the bathrooms. Edward couldn't even make out the sign on the door. Either way, once the door closed behind them, he used one hand to push the woman's back against the door and the other to lock it. It wasn't what he really wanted, but he was prepared to take it. Anything to make the pain go away. Edward was the first to initiate the kiss this time._

_As her tongue passed lightly over his bottom lip, Edward's hand trailed up her thigh while her hand went to his belt. But before she could get far, something inside him snapped, and he broke away from her. She blinked in confusion, and so did he. Just for a moment, the fog started to clear, and when it did, the pain came in white hot waves. This time, it wasn't from Bella's absence, it was from disgust at what he was doing._

_The last time he'd spoken to Emmett, the day he'd broken Edward's clavicle, Emmett had made the comment that Edward was just like Carlisle. It was that comment that had pushed Edward over the edge and caused him to lash out at Emmett. At that moment, Edward felt as though he was proving Emmett right. Carlisle had done the same thing, and it had broken Esme's heart. Bella may have been gone, but Edward couldn't find it in himself to take the same road that Carlisle had. He'd done that once, and it had messed everything up in every way possible._

_With one last glance at the blonde's confused face, Edward unlocked the door and left the bathroom. He didn't even return to the bar. Instead he chose to get into his car and drive. He knew it was stupid to get behind the wheel in his state, but he didn't care. Several times he considered just wrapping his car around a tree and ending it all._

_By some stroke of luck, Edward managed to make it home unscathed. The quiet and loneliness of the house didn't make anything better. After trudging up the stairs, peeling off his clothes and collapsing into bed, he realised just how much his head was pounding. He knew he was going to have a massive hangover tomorrow, but he didn't care. He seemed to care about a lot less things as of late. The absence of Bella beside him was strong, and Edward would do anything to have her back. _

* * *

><p>The weekend with Alexis didn't go exactly as Edward had planned. He had kept his word and took her out for pizza, but Alexis was grumpy and didn't want to stay out long. That night, Edward was awoken from a deep sleep by the sound of his bedroom door opening. Disoriented and dizzy from the sudden awakening, he could just barely make out the outline of Alexis's body in the dark.<p>

"Are you okay?" Edward asked when Alexis had stopped beside him. He reached over and put on the lamp beside his bed.

"I want my mommy," Alexis said, as she squinted against the sudden brightness in the room. Then she paused for just a second before vomiting all over the floor. The suddenness of it caused Edward to recoil back.

Picking her up, Edward carried her into the bathroom. It was the first time he'd ever been around a sick child, and he was at a loss as to what to do. Figuring cleaning her up would be the best thing, Edward started pulling off her clothes to wash her down. Just as he'd finished putting a new shirt on Alexis, she bent over and threw up all over the new shirt as well. Edward barely had time to lead her over to the toilet before she threw up on the pants as well. When several minutes had passed, and Alexis had stopped dry heaving, Edward washed her down and changed her. He carried her into her bedroom. Her skin was flushed, and there were a few tears on her eyelashes. She looked up at Edward, expecting him to make it all better. The truth was he was even more scared than her.

"I'll be right back," he told her softly. He went into his bedroom and picked up his phone from the bedside table. The room had already begun to reek. He quickly dialled Bella's number hoping she wasn't out. Looking at the clock on the wall, Edward saw it was almost three in the morning.

"Hello?" Bella said from the other line. Her voice sounded surprisingly awake for so early in the morning.

"Bella?" Edward asked, uncertainty thick in his voice. He wasn't sure what Bella did on her free evenings without Alexis. It was a question he tried not to think about. "Is this a bad time?"

"No, not at all. Is everything alright?" She sounded worried. Already she could sense that something was wrong.

"Alexis woke up sick a little while ago, and she's now crying for you. I really don't know what to do to comfort her. Can you come over?"

"Of course," she said quickly. "Is her forehead warm?"

Walking back into Alexis's room, Edward felt her head. "Yeah, she does feel a little warm."

"It's probably a fever. I'll bring over some medicine."

Edward didn't like the idea of Bella driving out on her own so late at night, but he couldn't leave Alexis alone or take her outside. The only thing he could do was sit tight and wait.

Edward sat with Alexis while he waited for Bella. She'd already fallen asleep by the time Bella arrived. Edward went out to the front door to meet her.

"How is she?" Bella asked as they walked down to Alexis's room.

"She fell asleep, and I didn't want to wake her."

Alexis was still fast asleep when they got to her room. Sitting beside her on the bed, Bella raised Alexis up with one hand, while opening the small bottle of medicine with the other.

"Shouldn't we take her to the hospital?" Edward asked, as Bella softly coerced a half-asleep Alexis to drink. After some persuasion, she eventually did.

Bella gave Edward an amused look. "It's not that bad. She probably just caught something from one of the other kids at school."

"Don't they make those kids get shots or something?"

"Yeah, but they're three and four-year-olds. When they're not eating things off the floor, they're wiping snot on everything."

Edward gave her a disgusted look. "Then why do you still send her?"

"I can't protect her from everything. If she doesn't get a cold from school, odds are she'll get it from the park, the supermarket or somewhere else."

Edward still wasn't sure.

Bella smiled slightly at him. "Don't worry, I was scared the first time she got sick as well."

"You were?"

"Oh, yeah. I ended up staying up all night just to watch her breathe. She was less than a year when she caught her first cold."

"How did you survive?" Edward asked, curious.

"I'd never been much of a religious person, but you'd never have guessed the way I prayed that night."

Edward laughed slightly.

Bella laid Alexis back down on the bed and made sure she was comfortable, but as Bella stood to leave, Alexis's eyes opened, and she started to reach for Bella.

"Don't go," Alexis cried.

"Don't worry," Bella said, as she softly stroked Alexis's head. "Your daddy is here."

"I want you," Alexis said again through her tears.

Bella looked at Edward.

"Stay with her," he said softly. He understood Alexis's need for Bella's company. Back in Florida, he'd sought the same comfort when he was in distress as well.

Bella got into the bed beside Alexis, and Alexis immediately climbed onto Bella.

Edward stood by the door, uncertain what to do. He wanted to stay with them, but he didn't think Bella would like that.

Bella must have seen the uncertainty on Edward's face, because after a moment, she said, "You can stay. I don't mind."

Edward let out a breath. He didn't want to leave Alexis now that she was sick. Leaving for a moment, Edward went into his room to clean up the vomit on the floor. Then he grabbed a pillow off of the bed. When he walked back into Alexis's room, Bella was still wide awake. He placed the pillow beside the bed and laid on it.

It was the closest he'd been to Bella in a long time. The room was quiet except for Alexis's breathing. She seemed to be getting congested. As time passed slowly, Edward thought about Dr. Haner's question. This could be his only chance to ask Bella. He wasn't sure if she would stay the night or just until Alexis was asleep.

When Alexis's breathing evened out, meaning she'd finally fallen asleep, Edward chose the moment then. He was still uncertain about how much more time he had with Bella.

"Bella?" he asked. He wasn't sure if she'd fallen asleep.

"Yeah?" she asked a few minutes later.

"I know part of the reason why you hate me is because of how I treated you, but is that the only reason why you hate me?"

The room was silent for a few minutes. Edward wished he could see her face, but from his spot on the floor, he couldn't.

She was quiet for so long that Edward thought she was either not going to answer him or had fallen asleep.

"Did you know that after Alexis was born I considered giving her up for adoption?" Edward was confused. He didn't understand why she was answering his question with a question.

"No, I didn't."

"Even after having her, I still wasn't sure I was ready to be a parent, and a single parent at that. I knew there were people out there who could do a much better job than me. Never in my wildest dream did I see myself married and pregnant at eighteen. Having a child was never something I wanted. I never planned on cleaning someone else's boogers or catching vomit with my hand. Or looking around the house at two in the morning for a toy bear. I know some people dream of being a parent, but I never did. I wanted to go to college and travel the world. I wanted to do amazing things, and never be tied down. When I considered giving her up for adoption, one of the reasons was that I didn't feel like I could do a good job. Another was that I wanted my life back. The life I'd lost after you'd taken me. I wanted to move on. I knew I could never do that so long as I had Alexis. Everywhere I went, she would always be a constant reminder of what had happened." Bella sighed.

"That's another reason why I get angry about what happened. Not just because of how you used to beat me, but also because of the life I'd lost."

"What made you change your mind about Alexis? Why did you decide to keep her?" Edward asked. He'd come to accept Bella and Alexis as a pair, and he couldn't imagine one without the other.

"I realised it was selfish. To not want her, because I wanted something else. I kept seeing myself as the victim, but between the two of us, she was more of a victim than me. She didn't ask to be born. I knew I could give her up, and she could end up in a good home, but I also knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I would always wonder how she was, and if she was okay. I knew at some point I would have wanted her back."

Edward was quiet as he soaked in what she'd said. Dr. Haner was right about how he'd treated her not being the only reason for Bella's anger.

"And I don't hate you, Edward," Bella said suddenly. "Not anymore at least."

Edward smiled slightly even though she couldn't see it.

"Have you ever realised that for a long time it's been a power struggle between the two of us?" Bella asked.

"What do you mean?"

"We're always trying to one up the other and show who has the most control and power in our relationship. Usually the person with the most control and power shows that power by hurting the other person."

"You definitely have control now," Edward admitted.

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," Bella said softly.

Edward did feel sure of it. Sometimes it also felt like he was playing a game of Russian Roulette. One bad spin, and it was over.

There were so many things Edward wanted to say and ask Bella. He wanted to keep her talking, but he was afraid that the wrong words would make her leave. She was like a bird on a windowsill. The slightest sound could spook her and cause her to fly.

"Hey, Edward?" Bella asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for calling me tonight."

"Alexis was sick, so it made sense that I would call you," Edward said.

"Not necessarily. You didn't have to call. I appreciate it either way."

"No problem."

The room was quiet again. This moment reminded Edward of the nights in Florida, when his parents were fighting, and he would sneak out to Bella's house for the night. They would lay side by side on her bed, unbeknownst to Renee, and tell jokes or talk about movies or books. He'd hold Bella in his arms, and they'd talk until the early morning light started seeping through curtains. They'd pay for it the next morning when neither one of them could stay awake in class. Then they'd do it again all over again a few days later.

It was scarily amazing how much things had changed since then. Bella had spoken of how she never saw Alexis in her future, but the same could be said about Edward. Edward preferred this new life, and Alexis was part of it. Edward felt like he'd gone from one broken family to another. He'd rather this one, of course. He hoped that at some point in the future, with time, this broken family could be made whole.

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><p><strong><strong>You can find me on <strong>**Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

****Special thanks to **********kitchmill****.**

**Any mistakes that you see in this chapter or any of the previous chapters is on me. I have a small tendency to miss things every now and again.**


	24. From Yesterday

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>In the process of letting go,<strong>

** you will lose many things from the past, **

**but you will find yourself. **

**– Deepak Chopra**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

**From Yesterday**

"Can I have this?" Alexis asked, as she held a box of cereal up towards Bella's face.

"You already have three boxes at home," Bella said, as she took the box and placed it back on the shelf.

It was late evening, and Forks's supermarket was packed with the usual after work customers. It had been a few weeks since Alexis's latest illness, and as Bella had predicted, Alexis was better within a few days.

"Not this one," Alexis replied, taking the box off the shelf again.

"Yes that same one," Bella said, taking the box, once again, and returning it to the shelf. The truth was that Bella wasn't even sure if it was the same cereal Alexis had at home. All kid's cereal looked alike.

"That one is special," Alexis insisted, as she followed Bella into the next aisle. "It has a rabbit on it."

"They all have a rabbit on them."

"Nu uh. The others have a tiger, a bear, a cat, a dolphin." On and on Alexis went as she named all the animals she knew.

By the time they'd reached the checkout counter, Bella and Alexis were negotiating how many chocolate bars Alexis could have. There was only one person in front of them, but of course that one person had the most items.

"Two," Alexis said, indicating to the candy on the shelf closest to her.

"One," Bella replied.

"Three," Alexis countered.

"One."

"Four." Alexis held up four fingers.

Bella sighed. "Okay, I'll go as high as two, and you're not allowed to eat both today."

"Five," Alexis said.

Bella smiled. "Lexi, negotiation is not your strong point. Just take the two."

"Okay," Alexis said, defeated.

Bella couldn't help but laugh when Alexis picked up the two biggest candy bars she could find.

"She's adorable," a soft voice whispered behind Bella.

Bella turned to thank the stranger, but when she did, the sound got lost in her throat. Everything seemed to move slowly as Bella took in the person before her. In a Forks supermarket was the last place Bella expected to run into Esme.

Time had definitely changed her mother in law. It was immediately apparent what Alice had said about Esme not doing well after Carlisle's death was true. With the dark circles under her eyes, she looked tired.

In the brief moment of that first sight, all of Bella's memories of being around Esme in Chicago came flooding back. Esme's cutting words at Bella's wedding, her insults when they'd gone to dinner at the Cullens's house, and her biting words when she'd gone out with Rosalie and Esme for lunch. All of it came back in waves. It also brought anger with it.

"What are you doing here?" Bella asked sharply though she already knew the answer. Edward was here, so it would make sense that Esme would be here as well.

"I wanted to see her," Esme said, indicating to Alexis. "And you."

Alexis wasn't paying attention to Bella's conversation. She was too busy trying to sneak extra candy onto the conveyor belt.

"There is nothing you could possibly still have to say to me that you haven't already." Bella worked hard to keep her voice down by remembering they were in a public place. Bella felt cornered. She'd come to Forks to escape the Cullen family, and it was as though one by one they were trickling in.

So caught up in the shock at seeing Esme, Bella hadn't realised that the woman in front of them in the line had moved on. Alexis had, and was already piling the items onto the conveyer belt. In the stack of items that had already been cashed, Bella could see several candy sticks that Alexis had discreetly put on the table for the cashier to cash. Bella didn't have the energy to argue on that one.

"Please, I just want to speak to you," Esme said, as Bella quickly paid the cashier. Bella ignored her as she grabbed the bags and one of Alexis's hands as they walked out of the supermarket.

Even without turning, Bella knew Esme was behind her. When she was by her truck, Bella finally turned to look at her.

"What do you want?" Bella asked.

Esme paused a few feet away. "Carlisle is gone, Emmett and Jasper wrote me off a long time ago, and now Edward won't even talk to me."

At the sound of Edward's name, Alexis, who'd been busy trying to open one of her snacks, looked up at Esme. Esme, noticing the movement, looked down and smiled at her.

"She has his eyes," she whispered.

Quickly opening the backdoor, Bella lifted Alexis into her seat and strapped her in. She then placed the bags beside her. "Give me a minute," Bella told her.

After closing the door, Bella turned back to Esme. "Why they don't want anything to do with you has nothing to do with me," she said.

Esme looked at Bella, confused. "You still don't see it, do you?" she said softly. "Even after all this time."

"What are you talking about?"

"It has everything to do with you," Esme said, answering Bella's earlier question.

Bella just shook her head in his disbelief.

"What is going on between you and Edward is your business. Not mine." Bella turned to leave, but Esme called out to her.

"Wait! Can I meet her?" Esme asked. They both knew who Esme was referring to.

"Absolutely not," Bella said, as she got into her truck. Then without another glance at Esme, Bella left the parking lot.

Seeing Esme was a huge surprise. Bella wondered if that meant she was living in the area or if she was just passing through. She hoped it was the latter. It was frustrating. All of these changes were coming in hard and fast.

At the first red light, Bella took a deep breath to cool her anger as she looked back at Alexis still in the backseat. When she did her jaw dropped. It seemed Alexis had used Bella's distraction by Esme to indulge herself with candy.

"Couldn't wait, could you?" Bella asked smiling.

Alexis just smiled back at her with her chocolate covered mouth and sticky fingers.

Bella was supposed to drop Alexis off at Edward's house in a few minutes. Usually, they did the exchange at the park, but Alexis had cried that she wanted them to drop her off by each other's house instead. Bella had discussed it with Edward, and they'd decided that whoever had Alexis would just drop her over at the other person's house instead. Bella didn't really understand the reason for Alexis's insistence, but she didn't fight it. The back and forth couldn't be easy for Alexis no matter what, and Bella wanted to make it as smooth as possible.

Stopping off at home first, Bella carried the bags inside before continuing to Edward's house. The night Alexis had gotten sick was the first time Bella had seen Edward's house. Now with the new arrangement, she was seeing it more than she'd originally planned.

After Bella had stopped the truck outside the house, Alexis jumped out and went towards the front door to knock. After a few minutes of knocking, an unfamiliar elderly woman answered. With a handbag in her hand, she looked like she was getting ready to leave. Bella quickly got out of the truck and went to her.

"Hello. Is Edward there?" Bella said.

The woman didn't look surprised at all to see them there.

"Hello, you must be Bella. I'm Anne, the housekeeper. Mr. Cullen called and said you'd be dropping off the little one. He asked me to tell you that he'll be a few minutes late, but that you're welcome to wait inside for him."

"That's really not necessary," Bella said quickly. She was about to say that she'd prefer to wait in her truck, when Alexis bounded past Anne and went into the house. Anne smiled in response.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go now," Anne said. Then with one last smile, she left Bella standing on the porch. Bella sighed briefly before following Alexis into the house.

Bella followed Alexis into the living room. When she got there, a large piano caught her eye. It looked a lot like the piano from Chicago. Walking over to it, she passed her fingers gently over the keys. She was sure it was the same one.

"Daddy's been teaching me how to play," Alexis said, standing beside Bella.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Do you want to hear?" Alexis asked as she sat on the bench.

"Sure," Bella said, as she sat beside her.

Slowly, Alexis began to play a small tune. Despite a few misses, she was actually pretty good. Bella knew the tune well. It was the song that music teachers tended to start students off with. It was the same one her own piano teacher had taught her. When Alexis played the tune the second time, Bella helped her by correcting her when she made a mistake.

"Can you play me something?" Alexis asked when they had played it for a third time.

"I don't know," Bella said. It'd been several years since she'd played.

"Please?"

"Okay," Bella said. Taking Alexis onto her lap, Bella took Alexis's hands in hers and started playing. Bella was surprised to realise that, despite having not practiced in years, she still remembered how to play.

Several minutes later, it was Alexis who noticed Edward standing by the wall.

"Daddy," she called as she ran to him. Bella looked around, surprised.

"Hey," Edward said as he picked her up.

"Mommy was showing me how to play," Alexis said, as Edward walked over to the piano bench.

"I'd better go," Bella said.

"You don't have to go because of me."

"No, I have a few things to do," Bella said.

"I didn't know you could play," Edward said, sitting down beside Bella on the piano bench with Alexis on his lap. Bella knew he was trying to distract her to keep her there, but even though she knew it, she didn't react to it.

"You sound surprised," Bella said.

"I am. I didn't have the slightest clue. It makes me think back to when we first started dating, and I'd given you a few lessons. Did you already know how to play?"

Bella couldn't help but laugh at the fact that she'd been caught all these years later.

"Yes, I did," she admitted.

"So why did you let me teach you if you already knew?"

"You'd seemed to like teaching me so I let you."

Edward laughed. "And silly me hadn't even realised that the student was already a master." He paused for a moment before looking down at Alexis. "So are you a master as well?" Edward asked as he tickled her sides.

Bella wanted to ask Edward if he was aware that Esme was in town, but at the same time she didn't want to ruin the moment. Her main concern was keeping Esme away from Alexis. Edward knew how Bella felt about Esme, and she hoped that he would respect her wishes.

"Can you play something else?" Edward asked.

"No, I don't think I should," Bella said quickly.

"Please, Mommy? Please, please, please?" Alexis asked. "Just one more."

"Your fan has spoken," Edward said.

With Alexis's insistence, Bella played another. Then when that was finished, she played one more. The last song she played was one she knew Edward would remember, and after a few notes, he joined her in playing it. Edward used to play this song to her when they'd first started dating.

When that was over, Bella looked out the window in surprise. It was already dark out.

"I'd better go," she said, standing.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?" Edward asked.

"No, I really should go," Bella said, as she made her way towards the door.

Edward, with Alexis in his arms, walked her out.

"So I'll see you Sunday?" Edward asked.

"Of course," Bella said. "Bye, Alexis."

"Bye, Mommy," Alexis replied.

One the ride back to the house, Bella thought about the time she'd just spent with Edward and Alexis. She liked spending time with them. She was beginning to see the old Edward, the one he'd been when they'd first started dating, emerge after its long slumber. It was such a tempting thing, this new Edward. She knew the type of life she could have had with Sebastian. It was a chance at a fresh start. But a part of her didn't want a fresh start. She wanted the old Edward back. The one he'd been before he'd turned possessive and everything had gone sour. She'd seen glimpses of him these past few months as he played with Alexis, in his concern over Alexis's health and the way he'd looked at Bella. He didn't look at her like she was his property anymore.

When Edward had begun to change, while they were in Florida, she'd often grieved for the old him. The one who'd made her laugh until her sides ached, and who, when moments came and she grieved for her father, would hold her and let her ruin his shirt with her tears. Edward had been a source of comfort, strength and love in the beginning. Now that that Edward was re-emerging, it was tempting to want to give their relationship another chance. Like the apple in the Garden of Eden, Bella found it hard to resist the temptation. All these changes in him now had awoken old feelings in her.

Bella wondered what that would make her if she was to restart her relationship with Edward. A fool she'd been called by someone once when she'd considered it in the past.

* * *

><p><em>From her spot on the bed, Bella could hear people yelling and arguing. Just down the hall, someone knocked on a door causing Bella to glance at her own door for the hundredth time. It was locked, but Bella didn't trust the flimsy lock. A good kick at the door from outside would send it flying.<em>

_Originally, Bella had intended on staying at another shelter, but upon arriving at it, she learned that there was only room for one more. A family of three, a woman and her two small children, were behind Bella, and by taking the room, Bella would be denying them of it. She chose instead to give it to them. Even though Bella wanted to save the money Eryn and Mrs. Miller had given her for as long as possible, she used a small portion of it to check into a motel. It wasn't ideal, and Bella was sure it was being used to promote prostitution and drugs, but it was only temporary._

_The room was tiny, ill-equipped and filled with stains Bella didn't even want to think about. Lying on the bed now, Bella missed her old room back in Florida. She briefly wondered what Renee had done with all her stuff. Bella wondered if she'd given up hope already that Bella was ever coming back and had boxed it all up. The thought put a large lump in Bella's throat._

_It had been a little more than a week since Bella escaped; she never stayed in the same area for long. By then the adrenaline had long run its course, and the loneliness and devastation had set in. A week later, Bella still didn't have a suitable course of action. Slowly, she was beginning to wonder if she'd made the right choice by leaving. She was free but was no better off._

_Rolling onto her back, Bella let the tears run down the side of her face. After putting up a strong front for so long, it felt good to cry. Usually during the day, Bella spent most of the time travelling from one place to another, so there was never any time to worry. It was moments like this, when she was able to slow down, that the regret kicked in._

_The next day, Bella went down to one of the Community Centre's soup kitchens for lunch. It was packed with volunteers and those in need of assistance. At this point, Bella was use to sympathy looks so it didn't bother her in the slightest. One thing that was consistent was that at every soup kitchen that Bella went to, she always met someone new. It was human nature to seek a friend, especially when things were bad._

_At this centre, Bella met Christina. Whereas Amy had been forward from the time she'd met Bella, conversation with Christina was a bit more reserved. Unlike Amy, Christina didn't see the need to fill every silence with words, which was fine with Bella. After lunch, the two took a walk around the Community Centre's garden._

"_So you've just been around Chicago?" Christina asked, after Bella had finished telling her a watered down version of her story. Bella had left out the main parts. All she told her was that she was pregnant and running from her abusive husband. Bella never felt comfortable in conveying her own story, but often times, the people she met would tell her theirs and as a result, Bella felt obliged to speak of her own history. "Why not leave?"_

"_I don't know where to go," Bella said, frustrated. "I can't go to my family. I have nowhere else."_

"_You don't need to have someone there to hold your hand. You can go wherever you want and start over."_

"_You make it sound so easy," Bella said, as she collapsed onto one of the benches._

_Sitting beside her, Christina said, "It's not easy. Nothing in this life ever is, but that's no excuse. I don't see what's stopping you..." Christina's voice trailed off, and when she spoke again, there was a hard edge in her voice. "You're waiting for him to find you," she accused._

"_No I'm not," Bella said defensively._

"_Oh yeah? Then why are you still here?"_

"_I don't know what to do."_

"_That's bullshit, and you know it. If there's nothing worth staying in Chicago for, then you should have been on the first Greyhound bus out of here."_

_The anger in Christina's voice caused that last bit of resilience in Bella to crack._

"_I don't think I can do this," Bella said softly as a few tears escaped._

_Christina paused for a moment, and then her eyes blazed._

"_Listen to me, Bella," she hissed, taking Bella's face roughly in between her two hands. "He doesn't love you. You'd be a fool to go back to a guy like that. What are you waiting for? Him to suddenly grow a damn conscious? If so, you're a total fool, and you're wasting your time waiting around for him to change. Guys like your ex don't change. Trust me, I know. If you go back to him, it just means you're pathetic and weak." Bella was shocked by Christina's outburst. This was a huge difference to the calm person she'd been when they were having lunch._

_Letting go of Bella's face, Christina stood up with her hands on her hips. "If you're not going to grow up for yourself, then do it for the kid. You know why? This world is a messed up, fucked up one, and if you're not tough, it's going to chew you up and spit you out. You have to stop crying for that past life. It's gone. You're on your own now. Your ex? He probably already moved on to the next bimbo. You need to do what you have to for your kid."_

_Bella hated how right she was. The easiest option would be to go back to Edward. Whilst it wasn't the smartest, it was the easiest one. Doing that would only make things worse. Also, it would be an insult to Eryn and Mrs. Miller, who'd risked so much to help her. It would be like throwing their kindness back in their face._

_Wiping her eyes, Bella sighed. "Okay, you're right, but I still don't know what to do."_

_Christina sighed too and sat down beside Bella. Her anger seemed to have cooled for a moment, and Bella took a mental note not to bring it about again._

"_There's always something. Maybe you should start looking for outside help," Christina said._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_There's a group of women who help women like you," Christina explained._

"_Women like me?"_

"_Battered victims," Christina explained. "They help them get out of the state and restart their lives."_

"_How does it work?"_

"_Well, you get in contact with one of them. She then smuggles you out of the state and takes you to a safe house somewhere else. There, another woman then takes you to another safe house in a second state. Then another woman takes you to another safe house in a third state and so on and so on," Christina explained. "Each of the women doesn't know where the other takes you. That way there's no chance of being betrayed."_

"_How do you know about it?"_

"_I had some friends who wanted to get out of Chicago, and they helped them."_

_Bella took a few minutes to let the information sink it. Then she thought of something. "Wait, if you're such the expert giver then why are you still in Chicago?" From what Christina had told her, Bella knew that Christina was hiding out from her boyfriend as well. _

_Christina smiled guiltily. "I'm the expert giver, not taker. Just because I can't find the strength doesn't mean you can't. I don't want you to end up like me. The fact that you escaped is nothing short of a miracle. You've been given another chance to make it. Don't fuck it up."_

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><p>When she wasn't with Alexis, Bella immersed herself in her school work. The buzz of the overhead light in the school library was her constant companion. It was odd for her, not having her daughter with her on weekends. When she wasn't in school, Alexis used to always be by her side.<p>

Glancing at the clock on the wall, Bella saw that it was almost four. She was supposed to be meeting Sebastian to go out to dinner in a few hours. Sebastian had not been the first person Bella dated when she'd moved to Forks. Other mothers at Alexis's school were always trying to set her up with some friend they had, but each of those never got past the first date. She always seemed to find something wrong with them. Sebastian was the first one to actually go past the first date. Bella thought she would have been relieved, but for some reason, she found she wasn't. Sebastian was a really sweet guy, and with his own son, it put him and Bella on such equal terms that they understood each other. Bella couldn't understand then why she wasn't happy.

Alexis was still with Edward, so Renee was the only one home. Renee was going through some boxes of donations when Bella arrived home. Now that she was in Forks with some time on her hand, Renee occupied herself by volunteering as much as possible in and around Forks. Her mother always had a bleeding heart for those in need, so really Bella wasn't surprised.

As she watched Renee sort through some old clothes, Bella thought how odd it was that even after all these years, Renee still had never dated anyone after Charlie's death.

"How was class?" she asked from her spot in the kitchen as Bella walked in.

Taking a seat by the kitchen table, Bella sighed. "Fine. I spoke with my advisor again, and I'm on the right track to graduate in November, so that's good."

Renee seemed to hear something off in Bella's voice, because she looked at her in confusion.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Bella thought about it for a second before she answered. "Yeah, I guess I'm just tired."

"Tired?" Renee sounded doubtful.

"After dad died, did you ever think about dating?" Bella asked suddenly.

Renee laughed. "And you tell me about my lack of subtly?"

Bella shrugged. "I learned from the best."

Renee sighed sadly. "I did date for a little while."

Bella looked at her surprised. "You did?"

"Yes. I didn't tell you then, because I wasn't sure how you would take it. It never lasted past the first or second date anyway."

"Really? Why?"

"For a long time I didn't know why. They were all great guys who didn't run when they found out I had a kid, and I was determined to move on after your father died, but I just couldn't. It just wasn't the same. I was looking for the same love I'd felt for Charlie in them. It didn't seem fair leading them on. I gave up after some time and decided to focus my energy on you instead."

Bella nodded and looked away for a moment.

"Does that question have something to do with Sebastian and Edward?" Renee asked.

"Maybe," Bella admitted. "I mean, I finally have everything I wanted, but why am I not happy?"

"Sometimes what we think we want isn't really what we want."

"But I don't know what I want," Bella said, frustrated.

"Maybe you do, and you just don't want to admit it to yourself," Renee said.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you dating Sebastian because you love him or because you're trying to force yourself to move on?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Sweetie, remember, I was there when you and Edward first started dating," Renee said. "And I'm here now when you're dating Sebastian. You may not be able to see the difference, but I can. I also see how you and Edward are now. You're fighting hard not to have feelings for him, and maybe you're using Sebastian to do that."

"How do you know?" Bella asked.

Renee smiled sadly. "I did the same thing when I dated after Charlie had died. I wanted to move on so badly that I only dated to do that."

Bella didn't answer.

Patting Bella softly on the hand, Renee said, "You'll figure it out eventually."

Looking at the clock again, Bella saw that she had to start getting ready or else she would be late. The reminder of her date didn't make her feel excited, but it was too late to cancel. Leaving Renee in the kitchen, Bella went to get ready.

Sebastian had to drop Drayven off with his parents, so Bella drove to the restaurant herself. He was already there and helped her out of her truck when she arrived.

Sebastian pressed his lips to Bella's. "I'm glad you're here," he said.

"Thank you," Bella said as she took his hand to get out of her truck. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"It was no problem. I was only here for a few minutes," he assured her.

The Port Angeles restaurant wasn't packed. A waiter led them to a seat close to one of the large windows. Another waiter took their orders, and then left them alone.

Conversation wasn't anything special. They spoke mainly about school and their kids. The conversation was more of a way to fill the silence than anything else.

"Okay, what's wrong?" Sebastian asked, putting down his fork.

"What?" Bella asked. It was only then that she realised she'd been moving on autopilot and not really paying attention to what was going on.

"You've been distant. I know something is wrong," Sebastian said.

Bella smiled. "Am I that transparent?"

"No, not at all. I just know you well."

"I guess I just have a lot on my mind."

"Excited about graduating?" Sebastian asked.

"Yeah."

They were quiet for a moment. Bella didn't notice Sebastian was looking at her.

"Is it about Edward?" he asked.

Bella's eyes went quickly to his, and Sebastian smiled, knowing he'd gotten his answer.

To Bella, it didn't feel right talking to Sebastian about Edward. Ex es were off limit conversation in current relationships. At the same time, Sebastian was the closest friend Bella had since Eryn. Alice was too far, and the people Bella talked to at work or at school were no more than acquaintances. They weren't people Bella could really talk to. Either way, she didn't know what to say.

"You still have feelings for him," Sebastian stated sadly. It wasn't a question. They both knew it was true. Even though Bella refused to admit it to herself, everyone else seemed determined to. Even if Bella didn't see it, everyone else appeared to.

Bella didn't answer.

"I kind of knew it from the start," Sebastian said. "You were here, but you weren't actually here." Sebastian sighed sadly.

"Why do you care?" Bella asked. She didn't ask it harshly. She was just curious.

"I like you, Bella. A lot. And I want you to be happy. If not with me, then with some else."

Bella smiled sadly. "You're so like Mr. Phillotson."

"Not a very good description. Jude and Sue's relationship didn't end very well."

Bella looked away for a moment, before whispering to herself, "It isn't right."

"Why?" Sebastian asked. Apparently she hadn't whispered it as quietly as she'd thought.

"Well for one thing, after everything he did, I guess by society's definition it's wrong."

Sebastian laughed. "Society's definition." He shook his head. "I don't know what he did, but society is going to judge you and disagree with you no matter what decision you make. You can't please everyone, and it will be pointless to even try. The only thing you can do is make sure that you make the best decision for you, because at the end of the day, it's your life."

"What about your ex?" Bella asked. "If she was to come back today and beg for forgiveness, would you take her back?"

Sebastian took a moment to think about his answer before he answered her. "Probably yes. I wish I could say no, but the truth is, I never stopped having feelings for her despite all she put me through. I guess that's why I understand you."

Bella looked at Sebastian, surprised. It seemed she wasn't the only when with an ex on the mind. She understood now why he was so understanding. Just like Renee, he understood the inability to let go.

Bella felt like she was somewhere in between Héloïse and Beatrice when it came to Edward. She looked at Sebastian sadly. She did like him, but she began to realise she counted on him as more of a friend than anything else, and as Renee had said, it wasn't fair to lead him on. Even if she wasn't sure how she felt about Edward, she knew how she felt about Sebastian.

"Even if things don't work out between us, I hope we can at least remain good friends," he said. "If you or Alexis ever need anything, I'll be there."

"I'd like that," Bella replied. She slowly began to realise that Renee had been right. Bella wanting to date Sebastian had little to do with her feelings for him, and more with her wanting to use him to help her move on. At that moment, Bella wanted a friend more than she wanted a boyfriend. Whilst she still wasn't sure what feeling something for Edward meant, she did know that she was glad to have at least tried with someone else.

"I guess I should count myself as lucky," Sebastian said suddenly with a smile.

"Why?"

"Feelings tend to complicate relationships anyway," he said. "If we keep it as friendship, it stands a better chance of staying longer. I would rather have you as a good friend than to risk it being broken by a bad relationship."

Bella smiled as well and took his hand in hers.

"You really are a sweet guy, and I hope you find someone who can appreciate you more," she said.

"The evening's still not over," Sebastian said. "Mind if we have dinner as friends?"

"Of course."

Now that the tension had been lifted, Bella found herself much more at ease with Sebastian. In the back of her mind though, Edward was always present. However, just because she felt something didn't mean she was actually going to pursue it. It just meant she could end her relationship with Sebastian now before things got too far. It wasn't fair to lead him on. Sebastian deserved someone who could truly love him in ways she never could.

Bella still wasn't sure what the future held for her. After all, even after everything was all said and done, pain caused Sue to crack and return to Mr. Phillotson in the end.

* * *

><p><strong>Does updating twice within eight days make up for the month long wait for the last chapter?<strong>

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

****Special thanks to **********kitchmill****.**

**Any mistakes that you see in this chapter or any of the previous chapters is on me. I have a small tendency to miss things every now and again.**


	25. Chasm

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"We accept the love we think we deserve."<strong>

**- Stephen Chbosky**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

**Chasm**

"So they accepted the final offer?" Edward asked Abby as he used his other hand to prevent Alexis from writing on his files with crayons. Abby was Edward's relator. After settling down in Forks, Edward had decided to put the house that he and Bella had shared in Chicago up for sale and move his company's headquarters to Seattle instead so he could be closer to Alexis. Despite being on the market for only a few months, someone had already purchased the house for full price.

"Yes they did," Abby said excitedly. Edward figured she was already calculating her commission.

"Okay, fax over the papers. I'll sign them and have my lawyer bring them to you," Edward said as he shuffled around papers on his desk looking for a blank one for Alexis to draw on. He found one and handed it to her.

"Yes, sir," Abby replied.

After saying goodbye, Edward hung up. He thought he might have felt something at selling the first house he and Bella had shared, but he didn't. He was glad to get rid of as many things from his past as possible. Except Alexis, of course.

Glancing over at the doorway, Edward looked at several of the boxes that had been shipped from Chicago. One of them he recognized well. It dated all the way back to Florida. Walking over to it now, Edward opened it.

Inside the box, he found a photograph of himself as a child with Esme. It was taken on Edward's fifth birthday. Carlisle wasn't there, and Emmett and Jasper had chosen to go out and play with friends rather than stay, so it was just Edward and Esme there to celebrate it. At the time, Edward didn't mind. By then, he'd already become aware of what was going on between his mother and father. Esme had wanted a photo of the two of them, and with no one else in the house, she'd used the timer on the camera and placed it on a table to hold it steady. Even though both he and Esme were smiling in the photo, it was all a ruse to mask the pain they were both feeling. If there was another picture of them a few hours later, it would have been of Esme caught in Carlisle's grip, and Edward hiding in his bedroom. Edward placed the photo on the floor and continued looking through the box.

There was another photo of him, Jasper and Emmett, taken when he was around ten. In that photo, Emmett and Jasper were in their backyard playing football. Despite it being so long ago, Edward remembered that day well. It was one of the rare times his brothers actually payed attention to him. By the end of the game, Edward had ended up with a split lip and a bloody nose from them ganging up on him and tackling him.

Placing that one face down next to the other, Edward looked at another photo. He saw that it was a picture of him and Bella when they were in Florida. It was taken at a friend's birthday party before everything had gone bad. Somedays, Edward wished they could go back to that time. He wondered how life would have been had he not turned into such a monster. He knew though, that it made no sense wishing for things to be different. One reason being that if all of that hadn't happened, Alexis wouldn't be here with him now. Edward couldn't see a world where Alexis didn't exist.

"That's the lady," Alexis said suddenly from behind Edward. He hadn't heard her walk over. Turning, Edward looked at what she was referring to.

"What lady?" he asked

"The lady from the supermarket." Unbeknownst to Edward, Alexis had picked up the photo of Edward and Esme and was looking at it. She held it out to him. "This lady was in the supermarket," she said, as she pointed at Esme.

Edward was confused. As far as he knew, Alexis had never seen Esme in a supermarket before. He had no idea what she was talking about.

"What supermarket?" he asked gently. Getting information out of Alexis was always difficult, so Edward knew he would have to tread lightly.

"The one Mommy and I went to. The lady was there talking to Mommy," Alexis said offhandedly as she went on looking at the other photo Edward had laid down.

"The supermarket here in Forks?" Edward asked.

"Yes."

"What did Mommy and the woman talk about?"

"I don't know. I was in the truck."

Edward knew Esme was determined to insert herself into Alexis's life; he didn't think she'd go so far as to come all the way to Forks. The realisation that she'd confronted Bella made him mad and put him on edge. What surprised him even more was that Bella hadn't told him she'd seen Esme. Whether Esme planned to stay here in Forks or not, Edward had to see her. He didn't understand why Bella hadn't told him Esme was here, but either way, Esme and Bella in the same town would not end well.

"It's time for me to take you back to your mom's. Go get your things," Edward told Alexis.

When Alexis was out of the room, Edward called Jenks. By the time Edward and Alexis were leaving the house, Jenks was able to provide him with the address of the house Esme was renting in Forks. Edward was hoping to speak to Bella when he dropped Alexis off at her house, but to his dismay, Renee told him she wasn't there.

After saying his goodbyes to Alexis, Edward went to Esme's. The house was close to his own home. Esme was pulling some bags out of her car when Edward arrived. She looked up in surprise when his car stopped in front of the house.

She smiled sadly when she saw it was him. "I figured you'd stop by. Did Bella tell you I saw her?" she asked.

Edward shook his head. "Alexis did."

Esme looked at him in surprise. "She knows who I am?"

"Of course not. She just recognized you from..." Edward paused and then jumped topic. "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"I wanted to see Alexis and speak with Bella."

"Did you?"

"I saw them, but Bella wouldn't listen to me."

"You cornered her?"

"I just wanted to speak to her," Esme repeated.

"About what?"

"I wanted to apologize to her. I want to make things right between me and her, and you and me. Now that Carlisle is gone, I'm realising what a horrible person I've been. I want to make it right. I know part of the reason why she's mad at you is because of me. I don't want her to blame you for my mistakes."

Edward just shook his head. "You being here isn't going to make things better for anyone, and I'm sorry that it took Carlisle's death for you to see."

Edward looked away. He knew that a large part of Esme's desire to make things right lay with the fact that now that Carlisle was gone, she felt alone, but he was determined to not let his past mess up his future. He was desperate to sever ties with it.

"Look, I can't make you leave. The only thing I ask is that you stay away from Bella and Alexis."

"Why? Why are you given the chance to make things right but not me? At the end of the day, you and I are fighting for the same thing. To make things right in the lives of the people we've hurt. It's too late for me to make amends with Jasper or Emmett. It's not too late for you. I want to be a part of my granddaughter's life. I want my son back. I want to make things right with Bella."

Edward shook his head again. He knew how strongly Bella felt on the issue of Esme. It had been one of the things they'd agreed to when he'd first come to Forks. Bella was fragile at the present moment. She'd come to Forks to escape all of this, and with the arrival of Edward, everything happened so fast and was catching up with her. Edward's fear was that all of these changes would cause Bella to crack and regress to the point where she hated him again.

"Stay away from them," Edward said again. He didn't want to force his mother to do anything, but if it came down to either her or Bella, he would choose Bella in a heartbeat.

As he turned to leave, Esme called out, "Wait. Can we talk for a moment?"

Edward didn't even answer as he got into his car and drove off. Esme's arrival had definitely changed things. He needed to talk to Bella. He didn't want to wait until they made the exchange with Alexis next week.

Passing by her house, he saw that her truck wasn't parked outside, meaning she hadn't arrived home yet. He passed by her school and work next, but she wasn't at either place. There were only a few places she could be in such a small town. He just hoped she wasn't with Sebastian. Driving through town, Edward spotted her truck outside a coffee shop. He never knew she was a coffee drinker.

After parking, Edward went in, crossing his fingers the entire time that she was alone. It took a moment to spot her. She was partially hidden by a wall, and Edward breathed a sigh of relief when he saw she was sitting at the table alone.

"Why didn't you tell me you'd seen Esme?" Edward asked as he sat opposite to her.

Bella looked up at him in surprise. Then her voice turned sarcastic. "Oh Edward, nice to see you. Why don't you have a seat?"

He brushed her humour aside and repeated his question. "Why didn't you tell me you'd seen Esme?"

"No, hi, how are you? Just right to it?"

Edward remained silent, waiting for her to finally answer him.

Realising he was serious, Bella sighed before she answered. "I figured you'd find out on your own. Your mother already blames me for the problems between the two of you, and it's not my place to get involved unless Alexis gets involved," Bella said. "And besides, it wasn't fair of me to tell you to cut out your family. That should have been your decision. All I want is for her to keep away from Alexis."

Edward sighed. "No, it wasn't wrong of you to ask me to. I'd cut them out a long time ago."

Bella gave him an amused look. "Cutting your family out of your life, that's messed up."

Edward shrugged. "Everything about this is messed up."

Bella didn't respond as she passed her fingertips gently over the neck of her cup.

"Why did you come here alone?" he asked.

"I'd just come from class and thought I'd stop off for a minute."

Edward was silent for a minute as he contemplated whether or not to voice his question.

"Oh, I just thought Sebastian would be with you," he said softly.

Bella looked at him but remained silent. Edward waited a moment for her to say something, and when she didn't, he continued.

"How are things between the two of you?"

Bella looked at him again, and Edward thought for sure she was about to ignore his question. Instead she answered, "Fine." She shrugged.

"Oh," was all Edward said in reply. He didn't know what that 'fine' meant.

Bella sighed. "Actually, we decided to just be friends."

Edward fought hard to keep the euphoria off his face. He was happy, and he couldn't deny it. At the same time, he hoped Bella wasn't sad about her breakup with Sebastian. He didn't want her to hurt at all.

"What happened?" he asked.

"He deserved better," Bella said simply.

"Better than you?" In his world, that didn't exist. "I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?"

"That it didn't work out with you and Sebastian."

"Yeah, right."

Edward let out a hard laugh. "No, really, I am. Even if I didn't like him, I still want you to be happy."

Bella gave him a small smile but didn't respond.

"This is nice," she said after a few minutes.

"What?"

"Sitting here with you without the anger. If someone had asked me this time last year if I would be sitting with you in a coffee shop, I'd have said they were crazy. This reminds me of Florida. I guess it's lame right? To keep wishing for the past?"

"I don't think so. I find it hard to let go of it as well," Edward said. "I wish..." but he trailed off.

"You wish?"

"I wish I could go back and do it all differently."

"Makes no sense wishing for the past," Bella said. "What's done is done. It can't be undone."

"No, but if you give me another chance, I could have the chance to do better."

Bella didn't respond. Silence seemed to be her good friend today.

Edward didn't know how to bring up the subject. He needed the right words, but at the present moment, they evaded him. Instead he went for a direct approach.

"Bella," he said softly. "I'm sorry we didn't make it before. Just please, give me one more chance. Just one more chance to prove to you that I've changed. I promise you, I won't mess it up. I will treat you the way you should have been treated."

She seemed surprised by his sudden intensity, but she didn't seem to lock him out right away so that was a good sign.

"I don't know," Bella said. Edward could see the uncertainty on her face. It wasn't a no, so he held onto that positive thought.

"Just one more chance. That's all I ask. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't. I love you, and I need to make it right."

Bella didn't say anything.

"How about we take it slow?" he suggested. "Instead of just jumping back into a romantic relationship, we start off as friends. Just like we were in the beginning in Florida. Except this time, I don't mess everything up."

"Friends?" Bella asked, contemplating his proposal.

Edward nodded as he held his breath, waiting for her answer.

Bella was silent as she thought it over. Seeing her dilemma gave him hope. If he'd asked her this a few months ago, her answer would have been a flat out no. If she was taking the time to really consider it, it meant some part of her wanted this as well.

After a few moments, Bella smiled, as she said, "Okay. We can give it one more try."

* * *

><p><em>Eat, sleep, work. <em>

_Eat, sleep, work. _

_Eat, sleep, work._

_That was all Edward's life consisted of lately. During the day, he tried to keep himself busy. Making proposals, going over investments. His goal was to keep his mind occupied, because at night, when his body couldn't take any more exhaustion, and he finally lay down in bed, that was when the loneliness crept in and the nightmares started._

_In the beginning, the nightmares consisted mainly of recaps of all the horrible things he'd done to Bella. All his sins were laid bare in his unconscious state where he couldn't brush it aside. Lately though, he'd been remembering things from his childhood as well. Memories he'd repressed for years were finally coming to the surface, leaving him in a fearful and sweat soaked state. The emptiness that took over after he woke almost made the nightmares better._

_Where his personal life seemed to be in disarray, Edward's business life continued to flourish. Having been granted more provisions and opportunities than the average person, Edward was able to experience great economic growth_— _even without Carlisle's recommendations. But at this point, Edward would have gladly traded it all if he could have Bella back. He now understood what people meant when they said money couldn't buy happiness._

_After a long meeting of overseeing projects and brainstorming new ideas, Edward was finally packing up to head home for the day. Laurent, who was Chief Operating Officer of Edward's company, was the only other person in the room. Whereas Laurent was excited about a new business the company had acquired, Edward remained uninterested._

"_What's bugging you?" Laurent asked, finally catching on to Edward's cold demeanor._

"_Nothing," Edward muttered as he gathered up his files._

"_You should be happy. S and S accepted the deal. Four other companies lodged proposals, and they accepted yours. You should be celebrating."_

_Edward didn't respond._

"_Brrr," Laurent said. He was really beginning to get on Edward's nerves, but remembering that he was the best at what he did kept Edward from firing him on the spot. _

_Despite his constant loneliness, Edward found himself not interested in being around company. It was as though the loneliness had been cut into Bella's shape, and no one else could fit in it._

_Sensing his lack of response, Laurent left him alone. Once the door closed behind him, Edward pulled out his phone and called Jenks for his daily update. So far, all of it had been disappointing, but Edward still called every day._

"_Anything?" Edward asked as soon as Jenks had answered._

"_No, sir," Jenks replied, working hard to keep the exasperation out of his voice. Jenks was growing entirely frustrated with his lack of progress on the case, and at Edward's continued persistence. Edward knew that Jenks was annoyed with his constant calls. He also knew Jenks was beginning to doubt that Bella had survived the fall, but Jenks knew better than to tell Edward that. Without anything else to say, Edward hung up. The lack of news hadn't come as a surprise. _

_Edward was reluctant to go home, out of fear of the solitude, but there was nowhere else in the world he would feel comfortable. At least he could mourn in the comfort of his own house without having to see anyone's disapproving glances. _

_Walking through the front door, he was again struck by the emptiness of it. He'd thought about downgrading to something smaller, but he doubted it would help. He would still be a victim of the same loneliness, just in a smaller space._

_The house was quiet. Only one of the maids had remained behind to finish dinner. Edward had requested that they left him alone once they were done. They hated him for what he'd done to Bella, and he knew it._

"_Good evening, Mr. Cullen," she said as he walked into the kitchen. _

"_Good evening," Edward replied as he recognized her._

_Edward had never really payed much attention to housekeepers, but this one he knew well._

"_Eryn, right?" Edward asked._

_He knew that Eryn and Bella had been really close when Bella was here. All of the workers had been questioned in regards to Bella's disappearance, and all of them had vehemently denied knowing where she was. Deep down, Edward suspected that Eryn knew where Bella was. She'd been away for some time, and this was the first time that Edward was seeing her since Bella had ran. _

"_Yes," Eryn replied, answering his question. She looked at him confused._

"_You were friends with Bella when she was here," Edward stated. "I know you know where she is."_

_Eryn didn't look up from where she was pulling a dish out of the oven._

"_As I told your security, I don't know where she is." Her voice was hard as she replied. There was a definite chasm between the two of them. Even though she wasn't allowed to voice her hatred for him, she found other ways of getting it across. _

"_I can ruin your life," Edward threatened. "I can make it so you never work here again."_

_Eryn looked him square in the eyes as she said, "You can do whatever you want. It still won't change the fact that I don't know where she is."_

_Edward breathed out slowly as he looked away from her. He was desperately trying to calm himself down. _

"_Is she alive?" he asked. _

_When Eryn looked at him, he could see a subtle change in her face. "I don't know," she said, and for some strange reason, Edward believed her. Whether or not she knew the truth about Bella's disappearance, at the present moment, she didn't know whether or not Bella was still alive. Edward felt his hope dashed. All evidence seemed to suggest that he truly would never see her again. The thought nearly brought him to his knees. _

"_Why did she have to leave?" Edward asked softly, mainly to himself. _

"_Did you really expect her to stay?" Eryn asked as she looked at him. "I've known Bella for a lot less time than , and even I wasn't surprised she left. Did you really just expect her to take it without a fight?"_

_Edward knew this was Eryn's subtle way of telling him that she would never tell what she knew._

"_Where is she?" Edward asked again. He was teetering on the edge. He didn't want to hurt her, but his desperate need to have Bella back, or at least know what happened, was beginning to overrule his judgement._

_Eryn turned away from him again, as she washed her hands. "You can do whatever it is you want with me. Truthfully, I'm glad she's free from here. She deserved better. Wherever she is, I'm sure she's better off there than here."_

_He knew she was right, but he failed to accept it. Whether or not Eryn knew, Edward couldn't say for certain, but one thing he did know was that she wasn't going to tell him anything. Regardless of what he did to her. He'd underestimated just how close the two had become in the short time that Bella had been here. _

"_Goodnight, Mr. Cullen," Eryn said stiffly as she turned to leave. Edward didn't reply as she walked out the door._

* * *

><p>He wanted it to be just right. If they were starting out as just friends, then the first time they went out together in four years wasn't a date. It was two friends spending time together. Bella had work and school during that first week, so Edward never really got to spend much time with her. The following Friday evening, after she'd finished her last class, he met her outside her school's campus.<p>

While waiting in his car, Edward took several deep breaths to try and calm himself down, but it was futile. This is what he'd been hoping for over the last several years. A chance to try again with Bella. To show her that he'd changed. He was determined not to mess it up.

At a few minutes to eight, Edward saw Bella finally emerge from the campus. Taking one last deep breath, he got out of his car. He'd parked beside her truck, so when she was a few feet from it she noticed him.

Edward's chest swelled when she smiled slightly in surprise when she spotted him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. Edward was pleased again that she only sounded surprised and not angry. This was a good sign. She really was giving him another try.

"You said we could be friends," Edward replied. "So as a friend, I'm inviting you to go out with me for gelato."

"Gelato?" she asked.

Edward could see from her face that she didn't have the slightest clue what he was up to.

"Yes. We can get your favourite flavour over at Paolini's."

Now Bella looked really confused. "Paolini's? Did you hit your head or something? We're in Forks. Paolini's is all the way back in Florida."

Edward laughed. "I know. You said you wished we could go back to how it was in Florida. Well, this is our chance. We're going all the way back, except this time, I won't mess it up."

"I see."

"So, are you coming?"

"Okay, but I have to call Renee and let her know I'll be a little late," Bella said, as she got into Edward's car through the door that he held open.

"Don't worry. I already took care of it. Alexis just asks that we bring her back some," Edward said, as he got in on the driver's side and started the car. "I'll have Dean carry your truck home as well."

"Doesn't he need the key?"

Edward gave her a sideways look. "Not really," was all he said. He was glad when she didn't ask more.

"So was class with Mr. Kennedy?" Edward asked as he pulled away from the school.

Bella gave him another confused look before she understood. Mr. Kennedy had been their history teacher in Florida. Quickly catching on, she decided to play along.

"It was fine. Jessica fell asleep again, as per usual, and almost fell out of her chair." Bella fought hard to keep the smile off her face. "How was economics with Mrs. Joseph?"

Edward shrugged. "Good. Hard to pay attention when she keeps changing topic every few minutes."

On they went like that until they reached outside a small ice cream shop in Port Angeles. Bella had been there once before with Alexis. As far as she knew, they didn't serve gelato. Just the regular ice cream.

When Edward pulled up in front of it, he watched with a smile as Bella's eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

"You didn't," she said.

He didn't respond as he got out of his car and went to open the door for her.

As she got out of the car, Bella couldn't seem to take her eyes away from the sign hanging above the door which read "Paolini's." The sign was an exact replica of the one that hung over Paolini's in Florida.

Prior to that evening, Edward had spent the entire week calling in favours to have the little ice cream shop transformed into an exact replica of the gelato shop in Florida that he and Bella had frequented in their teen years.

When they walked inside, Bella paused again. Just like the exterior, the interior had been redone to resemble the original Paolini's in Florida. The chairs, tables, colour paint and art on the wall were all exact copies. Edward even had the owner of Paolini's in Florida flown out to Forks for the special occasion.

"Edward, Bella," he said with a smile as they walked in. He was the proof that they weren't in Florida. Mr. Paolini had definitely aged with time. However, with his bright smile and the twinkle in his eyes, he still had the same exuberant personality that affected the room so much; it felt like nothing had changed.

Bella's eyes widened and her jaw dropped when she saw him.

"Mr. Paolini?"

"The one and only," Edward said, as he took her hand and led her to where the man stood. She was still in shock.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with a laugh as Mr. Paolini went around the counter to give her a hug.

"Edward invited me out here. Said he wanted to recreate something of your past. I'm flattered that I was instilled in your memory so much that you'd want to recreate it."

After shaking hands with Edward, Mr. Paolini went back around the counter to grab a spoon and two cups.

"Pesca and crema?" he asked.

"You remembered?" Bella asked.

"I always remember my favourite customers."

"Why did you do all this?" Bella asked Edward while Mr. Paolini was busy scooping out the gelato.

Edward shrugged. "This was when you were happiest. I was going to rent out the entire place so we could be alone, but I figured that would qualify too much as a date," Edward explained as they took their gelato and found an empty seat close to the door.

"Well thank you," Bella replied. "It really was nice meeting Mr. Paolini again, and I've been craving some gelato for a long time."

"I'm glad you like it."

To Edward, this moment felt more like a dream. An impossible dream that a small part of him was afraid to fully enjoy out of fear that he would wake up. For a long time he'd wanted this; now he had it. That monster inside of him that had ruled his judgment for a long time was no longer present. Edward had buried it, and he hoped to keep it buried forever.

For the first time in a long time, Edward was able to have a normal conversation with Bella, but they teetered on the edge. They never spoke of the hard stuff, and as much as Edward wished they could really erase the past, he knew that they couldn't. They had to talk about it eventually. Ignoring the issue didn't make it go away. It just prolonged the time until it had to be dealt with.

It was Bella that brought it up first, for which Edward was glad. He wanted to talk, but was too afraid of bringing up the elephant in the room.

"Did you date anyone while I was gone?" Bella asked, as she swirled the last bit of gelato around in the cup. She used to do the same thing when they'd gone to the original Paolini's in Florida. It was a sign that she had something on her mind.

Before Edward could answer, she added, "What you did while I was gone is your business, but I was just curious." Edward could see that that was not true. She did care. Despite everything, deep down, she still saw him as hers, the same way he saw her as his.

"There was never anyone after you," Edward said. Bella looked at him—shocked.

"Never? Not even a date?" Bella asked.

Edward shook his head. "I knew for a long time that you were the only person for me. Even if you were gone, I still felt like I belonged to you somehow."

Bella seemed taken aback by his admission.

"Why is that so hard to believe?" he asked.

"I don't know, because you're you."

"Yes," Edward replied. "I am me, and when I fall, I fall hard. I did with you."

"Do you ever think sometimes that maybe we're better off separated? That maybe we were just never meant to be?"

Edward looked at her as if she'd spoken in a foreign language.

"Never mind," Bella said.

"I do think of that. I also think it's selfish for me to want to be with you. I also think you deserve much better than me."

Bella didn't respond which made Edward wonder what she was thinking. He was afraid his intensity would scare her away. When several minutes had passed, and she didn't bolt for the door, Edward took that as a good sign. Then again, he did drive her there so unless she planned on hitchhiking back to Forks, she was stuck with him.

"Maybe all of this would be easier if I was one of your literary heroes?" Edward asked with a smile.

Bella looked up confused. "Why?"

"They're perfect."

Bella laughed. "No they are not, and that's why I like them. They all have their flaws. Whether it's their personality, like with Heathcliff or Angel, or they come with extra baggage like Mr. Darcy and Mr. Rochester. Or the universe just seems to be plotting against them like Jude. That imperfection makes them who they are. As yours does with you and mine does with me. Love means accepting the full package, I guess."

"I'm glad you didn't. That you didn't accept all my bad."

Bella smiled in response.

"So am I."

* * *

><p><strong><strong>You can find me on <strong>**Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

****Special thanks to ******BelleDuJour****** and **********kitchmill****.**


	26. For You

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. <strong>

**Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, **

**because of a readiness within us and a collaboration of events **

**occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves **

**and the conditions under which we live and to **

**make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives."**

**- Frederick F. Flack**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 25<strong>

**For You**

"Careful, careful, careful," Bella repeated over and over to Alexis.

"I am careful," Alexis insisted as she climbed into the newest swinging contraption that had been installed in the public park. Where Alexis saw a brand new toy, Bella saw a swinging death trap.

"Wow," Alexis called as she almost slipped off the tyre-shaped disk.

Bella felt as though her heart had stopped for a moment.

"Can you push me?" Alexis asked Bella after she'd been seated in the deepest part of the swing.

Even though she didn't like it, Bella obliged and began to push Alexis gently on the swing.

"Higher!" Alexis said. "Why won't you push me higher?"

"Because I have enough gray hairs, and I really don't need you falling off."

Alexis just laughed in response. "You're funny."

As usual, Forks' playground was empty except for a few mothers and their children. Edward had gone to Seattle for a few days on business, so it was just Bella and Alexis at the park that day.

Bella still couldn't believe the turn things had taken between her and Edward in the last several weeks. Ever since she'd agreed to give him another chance, she could see that he was determined not to mess it up. She was glad when he'd suggested they start off as friends. At the present moment, just the thought of having a romantic relationship with Edward, when the scars of the past were still present, filled her with dread. She was willing to give him another try, but she was afraid of what it would cost her. Bella's biggest fear was that her emotions would overrule her judgment, and she would pay for it. It went against everything she believed in, so all of it was foreign to her. They had started off as just friends, and most of the activities they did together involved Alexis in some way. Whether they were taking Alexis the movies or just hanging out at Edward's, it was strictly platonic between them.

"Bella?" a voice called from behind her.

After turning, Bella's eyes widened in surprise. Edward's arrival had opened up a gate to Bella's past, and people were emerging in floods, so really she shouldn't have been surprised that it was Eryn who stood behind her.

After giving Bella a moment to stop Alexis from swinging, Eryn ran forward to hug her. Bella hugged her back in response. She couldn't believe it had been so long since she'd seen Eryn. Time had not erased from Bella's memory how much Eryn had helped her when she was in Chicago.

"So I'm guessing this..." Eryn said, after they'd pulled away, indicating to Alexis.

"Yes. Alexis, this is my friend Eryn. Eryn, my daughter Alexis."

"Hi," Alexis said.

"Nice to meet you," Eryn replied. To Bella, she said sadly, "Well, I see the eyes are hereditary."

"Alexis, why don't you go over to the slides and play?" Bella told her.

"Okay. Bye, Eryn," Alexis called as she ran over to the slides.

"Bye." Eryn waved as she and Bella made their way over to the benches.

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you," Eryn said.

"Same here. How did you find me?"

"Well, Edward hadn't been back at the house for several months, and no one could say for certain why. I'd guessed it had something to do with you, but I wasn't sure. Then when he showed up again for Carlisle's funeral, he said he was selling the house. He didn't say why, but I'd heard from the other workers that he was moving his business to Seattle. That was when I knew that he'd found you. The problem was I didn't know where you were. It was Mrs. Miller, who heard from someone who worked for Carlisle and Esme, who told me you were in Forks."

Eryn paused for a moment before continuing, "I thought it would be hard to find you once I got here, but this is a pretty small town."

"That's a little unnerving," Bella said. "How is Mrs. Miller?"

"She's great. She lives with her daughter now in Canada, but we kept in contact after she left."

"What about you?"

"I moved back home not too long ago. I got an offer to work for Emmett and Rosalie, but I've been around enough Cullens to last a lifetime. Is it true that Esme is here as well?"

"Unfortunately."

"Wow," Eryn said, looking into the distance. "I heard she looked like crap after Carlisle died. That she didn't take the loss very well."

"I heard that. She keeps asking me to forgive her for what she did."

"Did you?"

Bella shook her head.

"Wonder what made her turn over a new leaf," Eryn questioned.

Bella shrugged.

"Have you spoken to Edward?" Eryn asked.

Bella could tell that Eryn had been wanted to ask this for a while. Eryn had only been waiting for the right moment to ask it.

"Yes," Bella said slowly, uncertain how Eryn would react to her decision to give Edward another chance. Just like with Alice, Bella didn't have to lie about anything. She could be honest with Eryn, and after everything Eryn had done for her, Bella felt she at least owed her the truth. As best as she could, Bella gave Eryn an account of what had happened since Edward had come to Forks.

Bella had known Eryn's reaction could go either way, so when Eryn reacted angrily, Bella wasn't surprised.

"Are you crazy? You're giving him another chance?" Eryn asked in disbelief. "Did you forget what he did to you?"

"Of course not."

"Are you sure? Because your crazy idea to even consider something with him shows that you don't remember."

Bella let out a breath in frustration. She didn't regret telling Eryn about her and Edward. Considering that Eryn knew everything that had happened, Eryn's opinion was more highly regarded than Renee's, who didn't know the full story.

"Why are you giving him another chance?" Eryn demanded. "Why are you defending what he did?"

"I'm not defending what he did. I know that it was wrong, and he knows that it was wrong. I'm just giving him a chance to show he's changed. What's wrong with that? Shouldn't he be given a chance? Should people just be written off because of what they once did? Don't people deserve another chance?"

"Not when it comes to some things." Eryn sighed sadly. "All these Cullen men are alike."

"Edward is not Carlisle."

"Are you sure? Because their actions show they are similar. At the end of the day it's your decision, but I sure as hell will never agree with it. I was there, and I saw how much he hurt you. I'll never be able to see past that."

Bella didn't respond. She didn't know how to.

"Do you regret leaving him?" Eryn asked suddenly.

"Of course not. He was horrible then, and I'm glad I didn't stay a moment longer, but he's not the same person he was in Chicago."

"Yes he is. He is the same guy. The same Edward Cullen who is a product of his past..."

"And a changed person because of his present," Bella said cutting her off. "I know you'll never be able to see him as anything but that guy in Chicago, but I'm willing to give him another chance."

Eryn remained silent for a moment as she watched Bella.

"You still love him," she said. She didn't phrase it as a question.

"This has nothing to do with love," Bella replied quickly. "I'm just willing to give him another chance to be a better person."

Eryn just shook her head. "You still love him. That's why you're giving him another chance. You want him to change because you love him and don't want to let him go."

Bella didn't bother responding to that. She knew that no matter what she said, Eryn would stick to her premise, and a small part of Bella was considering the fact that what Eryn said might be true.

"Well, I can't change your mind," Eryn said after a moment. "It's your choice at the end of the day. I still don't agree with it, and I never will. I hope you know what you're doing."

"I haven't known what was I was doing since I jumped off that bridge in Chicago. I've been running on instinct since then."

"It's gotten you this far. I hope it sees you all the way through."

* * *

><p><em>Bella felt as though she'd been on the road for years, but really it was only a few days. After getting in touch with the group that Amy had talked about, Bella was driven by an elderly woman, one late night later, to a town just outside Chicago. From there, she was passed onto a second woman who drove her to another location, and so it continued. At each point, Bella was handed off to another woman who would drive her to another location before handing her to someone else. By the sixth woman, Bella had lost track of where she was, but one thing she did know was that she was away from Chicago, so that was a good thing.<em>

"_We need to stop off for gas," Cynthia, the latest woman Bella was with, said. "Is that okay?"_

_Bella had been dozing in and out of sleep for some time due to the late hour and having not been in a proper bed in days._

"_It's no problem," Bella said quickly. Considering all that these women were doing for her, for nothing in return, she would comply with whatever they asked._

"_I know you must want to stretch your legs as well. We've been driving for a while." Cynthia smiled at Bella's willingness. _

_One thing Bella liked about each of these women was that they never asked what brought her to this moment. They all said that if she needed to talk they were there, but they never pushed her on it. They just remained friendly as they drove her to each spot. Not once did any of them complain when Bella's pregnancy sickness struck and they had to pull over to the side of the road. When Bella had asked one of the women why they did what they did, she simply said, "Because it's the right thing to do."_

_A few minutes later, Cynthia stopped the car at a small gas station. It was late, so there was no wait by the pump. After refusing to let Bella pay for the gas, Cynthia went inside to pay a disgruntled worker while Bella took a few moments to stretch her legs. They'd been on the road for several hours, only stopping once to get something to eat and once so Bella could throw up._

_According to Cynthia, they were just outside Idaho and close to Oregon. From there, Bella would be handed off to one more person, and then she would be free. Free to do what, she didn't know. Whilst the long drives had given her ample amounts of opportunity to strategize, she found that she was no more ready now than she was when she'd first left Edward. Now she was far from home, in a distant state, relying on strangers to help her get through. Bella knew she could depend on them for only a short time, before she would have to take up the reins herself._

_While Cynthia pumped the gas, Bella walked back and forth by the car. It felt good to get the blood circulating in her legs again. She made sure to stay away from the road as she walked. Even though she was far from Chicago, Bella still didn't feel safe. She knew this fear of being found would always be there, and it was something she would have to live with._

"_You okay?" Bella hadn't heard Cynthia come up behind her._

"_I'm okay," Bella said quietly. It was her go-to answer whenever asked. Cynthia didn't seem to buy it._

"_No, you're not," she said. "And that's okay. It will get easier."_

"_When?" Bella's voice sounded desperate. She needed to be reassured that at some point this whole thing would become easier, because at the present moment, it didn't seem so. "When will it get easier?"_

"_Over time. The important thing is that you were able to get away."_

"_Yeah," Bella replied sadly. That wasn't exactly the answer she was hoping for. A specific time for when it would be easier would have been better._

_Leaning against the hood of the car, Bella looked out into the deserted road. _

"_How far along are you?" Cynthia asked softly._

_Bella felt a small chill run through her at the reminder of the wildcard to her already messed up life. Whilst it wasn't easy to forget that she was pregnant, she tried not to think of it unless necessary. It just seemed to add to her list of problems._

_Bella shrugged her shoulders at Cynthia's question. All these days had become such a blur._

"_Are you keeping him or her?" she asked._

"_I don't think so."_

"_Okay," Cynthia said simply._

"_At least, I don't think I should," Bella said softly._

"_Why not?"_

"_What kind of parent can I be? I have no job, barely any money and no home. I'm sure there are other people out there who can take better care of this child than I can."_

_Cynthia was quiet for a moment, seemingly weighing her words very carefully before answering._

"_Maybe you're right," she said slowly. "Maybe there is another family who can care for the baby better. But there is also the possibility that maybe you can as well. I'm not saying that it will be easy, but it is possible."_

"_I don't need possibility, I need assurance."_

_Cynthia looked at her with a sad smile. "I know you will do what you believe is best, but I think you should at least consider it. Once you give him or her up, you can't have them back. It's a pretty permanent decision. One that you'll have to live with for the rest of your life."_

_Bella let out a breath in frustration. She went from one difficulty to the next. _

_A few minutes later they were back on the road. Cynthia didn't question Bella anymore, thereby giving Bella time to think. Whenever she felt as though she had some clue as to the future of the baby, someone always gave her reason to pause and question her decision. She knew they each meant well, but it was frustrating. To keep or not to keep. It was a tough decision. _

_What made her even more frustrated was the belief that while she was confused, alone and bearing the burden, Edward was probably enjoying the single life with whomever he'd gotten to replace her._

* * *

><p>With the last few weeks of her college life drawing near, Bella began to really feel the pressure. School, on top of balancing work and raising Alexis, was really beginning to take its toll on her, and it was apparent to everyone, including Edward.<p>

"You look exhausted," he said one afternoon as he joined her for lunch.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Just a little." Bella laughed a little at his modesty.

"It's only a few more weeks," she assured him. It was still a little odd for her to watch him be so in tune with her emotions and for him to care so much.

"Maybe you just need a break," he suggested. "How about we go out? You, me and Alexis. It will give you a break for a few hours."

"Well, Alexis has been asking to go to that fair in Puyallup. The only problem is that it's a pretty far drive."

"That's no problem," Edward assured her. "We could leave Forks early to make most of the day. What do you say?"

Bella thought it over for a moment. She did like the idea of taking a break from all the stress, and it would be nice to spend it with Alexis and Edward.

"Okay, let's do it. You drive, though. My truck wouldn't last an hour, let alone three."

"Wow, this is real progress," Edward said with a smile.

"Why do you say that?"

"You're actually willing to stay in a car with me for the three hour drive."

Bella couldn't help but roll her eyes at him. "Dork."

"What can I say? I take little victories where I can."

The following Saturday, Edward, Bella and Alexis left early that morning to begin their three hour drive to Pierce County. Conversation was not a problem, as Alexis took it upon herself to inform them of all the happenings at her school. Bella was amused at the amount of gossip that occurred on a preschool's playground. What amused her more was that Edward actually seemed interested in what Alexis had to say and kept egging her on with more questions.

Bella was glad that Alexis was supplying the conversation. There were moments when Bella felt she was becoming too relaxed during the car ride, and she could feel her guard slipping. When that happened she was sure to restore it right away. This was not the time to let things slip by.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked after Alexis had finally stopped for air. Whereas Edward had listened to every detail of Alexis's story, Bella had tuned out within the first five minutes.

"I'm all right, just thinking."

"Not about school, I hope. This is your day off. Think of all the fun you're going to have."

"Have you ever been to a fair with a child?" Bella asked.

"No."

"You are in for a treat then."

"Why?" Edward asked, confused. Before Bella could answer, Alexis started bouncing up and down in the back seat announcing, "We're here, we're here," as the fair rides came into view.

"And that's without sugar," Bella said to Edward, indicating to Alexis in the back seat as they got out.

With the last few days of the Fair drawing near, Bella wasn't surprised to find it packed with people. Adults and children of all ages moved amongst the colourful displays, taking in all it had to offer before the season ended.

No sooner had they bought their tickets and entered, did Alexis begin dragging Bella by the hand to the first ride she wanted to go on. It was a kid's roller coaster in the shape of a dragon that required one adult to ride with the child.

"Do you want to take her?" Edward asked Bella.

"No way. I've gone on enough kiddie rides that go around and around. This one is yours," Bella said as she backed away.

As Edward and Alexis went on it, Bella waited by the railing— relieved that she wasn't being subjected to another children's ride.

After that, where one adult was required to go on with Alexis, Edward and Bella took turns. Where two were able to go on with the child, Edward and Bella went on with her together. Except when Alexis wanted to go down the large slide over and over. Edward walked up the long stairs to go down the slide nine times with her. Even when Alexis grew tired of walking up the stairs to go down the slide, Edward still dutifully carried her up.

Bella couldn't help but admire his resilience. She would have faked a foot pain by the third slide to avoid walking up those steps.

Even though she was slowly getting used to it, seeing Edward so engrossed in the father role was strange. Just a year ago, Bella never would have imagined she'd be at a state fair with Alexis and Edward. Yet here they were. She couldn't help but wonder when she would get used to this new normal.

"Okay, now I see why you backed out," Edward said, when he and Alexis finally joined Bella where she'd been waiting for them. "I can't even feel my legs."

Bella laughed. "I told you."

"Come on, Daddy," Alexis said, tugging on his hand. "We still have to go on the Ferris wheel."

"Alexis, why don't you go over to the play centre for a bit, and then we'll go on the Ferris wheel."'

"Are you tired?" Alexis asked Edward.

"Very. I think I pulled a muscle carrying you up that last time."

"Okay, I'll go by the swings," she said, and then Edward and Bella watched as she went over to the small play area.

"I think you may need to carry me to the Ferris wheel," Edward said as he sat beside Bella.

"Don't worry. You'll regain feeling soon enough."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, and then she'll find some other way to make you ache again."

Edward laughed. They both sat in silence as they watched Alexis climb on one of the structures in the play area.

"She sure is a ball of energy," Edward said. "I can't even begin to imagine how you managed on your own."

"I got by," Bella said softly.

There it was again, the touchy subject. The reminder that this moment wasn't a regular occurrence between them.

"Sometimes I worry that I'll make a mistake," Edward said after a moment. "That I won't be a good enough parent. That I'll mess up her future the way my parents messed up mine. That I won't be that perfect parent." Bella couldn't help but laugh a little. Not at his question, but more at the fact that his worry was typical of new parents.

"There's no such thing as a perfect parent, and people who say they are are lying. Most parents try to make it look like they all have it together, but they don't. Every parent makes mistakes. No one ever talks about the time they forgot to pack the jar for the class project, or they forgot to arrange after school pick up and their kid got left in school a few minutes late. Or the time they forgot to pack the swimwear or dance clothes. Every parent messes up sometime. We are all human. The whole point is to learn from your mistakes. To try your best. Alexis absolutely adores you, and not just because you were willing to climb up those stairs over and over."

Edward grimaced slightly at the reminder. "Did you feel that need to be a perfect parent?"

"Oh yeah. There were many times during that first year where I felt I couldn't do it. Where I felt that I just wasn't cut out to be a parent. I think I cried more than she did. I tried so hard to be one of those perfect parents, and I went to bed almost every night feeling like a complete failure because I didn't live up to the perfect parent standards. It wasn't until her second year that I really started to alter my expectations."

"What changed?"

"Imperfection became the new perfection. I accepted that I wasn't going to be that perfect parent. Really, parenting is about putting aside what matters, from what does not matter. It's about just trying your best and making sure at the end of the day your kid knows he or she is loved. Once their basic needs are met, that's what matters."

Bella sighed. Edward often told her she was the fragile one, but he really was no different. She knew how desperately he wanted to make things work between them, and whilst she appreciated his effort, it worried her a bit. "Your parents made mistakes. It's up to you to learn from their mistakes and try to do better."

"Can we go on the Ferris wheel now?" Alexis asked suddenly appearing in front of them. They'd been so engrossed in their conversation that neither of them had heard her come up to them.

"Aren't you tired?" Edward asked.

"No," Alexis answered simply.

"Are you coming?" Edward asked Bella as he stood.

"Of course."

"I thought you were afraid of heights," Edward said when ten minutes later they were in one of the Ferris wheel's cars.

"I was," Bella said as the passenger car went higher and higher. "But after the last Ferris wheel with Alexis where the passenger car kept swinging, I got over it."

Slowly the car began to rise higher and higher. When they were near the top, it stopped for a moment to let persons out and then in.

"Thanks for pulling me away for the day," Bella said. "I really did need this day off."

"It was my pleasure. Maybe when you're finished with your classes we can go out to celebrate."

"As friends?" Bella asked.

"Yes...or as more. If you want," Edward said. Bella could hear the uncertainty in his voice. She knew he wanted to be more than friends but was afraid of pushing too hard.

There it was again, that journey into the unknown. Another step forward in their relationship where they'd go out as something more than two people co-parenting.

Eryn's words had not dissipated. Now Bella found herself being even more cautious when it came to Edward. A part of Bella was afraid that, even though they were taking things slow, she'd get too deep into Edward, and if in the end things didn't work out, they'd both be hurt in the process. Whilst she didn't believe what Eryn had said about loving him, she did care for him, and despite what he'd put her through, she would never want to purposefully hurt him.

"Sure," she said after a few moments. "I could use a celebration after all this work."

Edward didn't even bother to hide the elation on his face.

She had agreed to give him a chance. So she would.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>You can find me on <strong>**Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

****Special thanks to **********kitchmill** and **********BelleDuJour****.******  
><strong>**


	27. Requiem

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"Sometimes people are beautiful.<br>Not in looks.  
>Not in what they say.<br>Just in what they are."  
><strong>

**- Markus Zusak**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 26<strong>

**Requiem**

Somewhere along the way, Edward lost track of time, and before he knew it, December was upon him. By then, he'd fully adjusted to his new life in Forks with Bella and Alexis. There were moments when he couldn't believe just how fortunate he was. Sometimes he believed it wasn't fair. After all the terrible things he'd done, Edward often felt like he shouldn't be comfortable in his life. Sometimes he wondered if there was still something terrible in store for him. Something that evened out the bad he'd committed with the good he was experiencing. Whenever he voiced these fears to his therapist, she would remind him that actually he actually had suffered. Every time he witnessed the violence between his parents, he'd suffered. Edward still felt it wasn't enough.

December was also Alexis's dance recital, which she reminded him of every day for the past month, and Bella finishing college. Whilst Alexis looked forward to her recital with excitement, Bella tried to downplay her own achievement, but Edward knew deep down Bella was proud of her accomplishment, and he was proud of her as well. Unfortunately, Alexis's dance recital fell on the same night as Bella's graduation. Not surprisingly, Bella chose to go to Alexis's recital instead.

"I wish there was a way you could still go to your graduation," Edward said late one evening as he and Bella sat on the steps in his backyard watching Alexis practice her steps for the following night.

"It is what it is," Bella replied. "I wouldn't miss Alexis's night for anything. Not that she would let me anyway."

Edward sighed. "You worked so hard for it. You should at least have your night."

"It is what it is," Bella repeated. "Besides, it's not like if I don't go they're going to take the degree away. It's just one of the many sacrifices of being a parent. Alexis's night is more important than mine."

Edward didn't like it. Often he felt that Bella had given up or was denied too many things because of her situation. He knew nursing was not something she'd wanted, and it really hurt him when he remembered that she'd had to give up her dreams because of what he'd done. He knew, without a doubt, that had he not turned her world upside down five years ago, she would be living the life she'd always envisioned.

"Maybe we can still go out and celebrate," he suggested.

He hadn't forgotten her agreement to go out and celebrate with him once she was finished with school. Despite wanting badly to reconcile the relationship they'd had, Edward was determined not to push her or coerce her into doing anything she didn't want. This time around, she called the shots in their relationship.

"That sounds good. I don't think Renee would mind watching Alexis for a few hours, and it will be nice to go out for a bit."

Edward looked at her, confused.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing. Sounds like a date then."

She looked at him curiously when he said the word "date," and for a moment, Edward wondered if he'd crossed a line, but she smiled a few seconds later and said, "Okay."

The next night, after they'd arrived at the hall where the recital was being held, Edward and Bella left Alexis in the back with her dance teacher to get ready with the other students, while they went out into the front hall where the other parents and family members were waiting to go in.

The small hall was already packed with people.

"Where's Renee? I thought she was meeting us here." Edward commented.

"So did I, but as per usual, she's running late. She probably lost track of time again."

As they stood waiting, a voice came on over the speakers announcing that the recital would be running a few minutes late. There was a subtle groan from the people in the hall.

After a few more minutes of waiting, Renee arrived out of breath.

"I ran in from the parking lot," she explained. "I thought I was late."

"The recital is running late," Edward explained.

Now it was Renee's turn to groan. While they waited, Renee spoke of the volunteer work she'd been doing that day which led to her being late for the recital. Even though he was listening, Edward found his eyes automatically drifting a bit while he listened, and just towards the back of the hall, he saw her. Esme. She was mixed in amongst the other parents so she wasn't easy to spot. She seemed to have noticed Edward before he had noticed her. When he met her eyes, she gave him a small smile. Edward didn't return it.

Despite her best efforts to get in contact with him for the past several months, Edward had been ignoring her calls. If Bella had run into her since their first meeting, she never mentioned it. Edward thought Esme would have left Forks after several failed attempts to communicate with him, but he was wrong. Esme seemed determined to make amends.

"Excuse me for a minute," he said to Bella and Renee. Because Bella and Renee were facing away from Esme, Edward assumed neither of them had seen her.

Moving quickly, Edward kept her gaze as he waded through the sea of guests towards her. When he was close, she stepped around a corner, hiding herself from view. Edward stepped around the corner as well. Now they were both hidden from Bella's view.

"I know you're angry..." she began before Edward cut her off.

"Angry? What are you doing here?" he demanded. He hadn't meant to speak to her so roughly, but his emotions always seemed to get the better of him when he spoke to Esme. After all this time, they were still raw.

Esme looked at him with sadness in her eyes. "I came to see Alexis's recital," she said softly.

"Why?"

"Because regardless of the fact that you and Bella are working hard to keep me out, she's still my grandchild. You and her are the only family I have left. Everyone else has abandoned me."

"And you think showing up here uninvited will help solve that?"

She didn't respond.

"Look, I get that you're in a tough place now, but you being here isn't a good idea."

"How long am I supposed to stay in purgatory? What do I have to do to make amends to you? To show you how sorry I am. I've given you your space. I've tried apologizing to Bella. What more do you want? I've told you I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. I was selfish for choosing Carlisle over you, Emmett and Jasper, but I can't change what happened. If I could, I would."

She looked away from him for a moment to catch her breath. When she looked back, Edward could almost see her heart in shatters. "I just came here to see Alexis's recital. If you don't want me here, I can leave."

Edward hated the devastation on her face, but most of all, he hated that he cared.

"Stay if you want, just don't let Bella or Renee see you," he said briefly before walking away.

"Thank you," he heard her whisper softly. He didn't turn around.

By the time he'd returned to where Bella and Renee were, Renee was gone. Only Bella stood waiting. It was then that he noticed that the hall wasn't as crowded anymore.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. Where's Renee?"

"She went in already. I was just waiting for you to go in," she said as she gave him a curious look.

"Okay, well we might as well go in," Edward said as he opened the door into the hall for her. "Alexis would never let us live it down if we missed a moment."

Overall, Alexis's recital was both comical— as a bunch of four year olds tried to remember their steps while mimicking their dance teacher at the side of the stage— and endearing. Flashes were going off continuously in the hall, and when it was over, Alexis broke position to wave at them. Edward didn't see Esme for the rest of the night.

Alexis spoke nonstop the entire drive back to Bella's house as she recapped everything that had happened that night. She was determined to catch Edward and Bella up on everything that had occurred behind the scenes.

"How come the lady was there again?" Alexis asked suddenly from her place in the backseat.

"What lady?" Bella asked.

"The lady from the supermarket and in the picture."

"You saw her?" Bella asked.

"Yeah. She was in the back next to Emilie's mom."

"I don't know why she was there." Then Bella looked at Edward. "Do you know why?"

"Can't say I do," Edward replied as he avoided Bella's gaze. It hadn't even occurred to him that Alexis might both see and recognize Esme despite only meeting her for a short moment.

Alexis didn't mention Esme again for the rest of the drive, and neither did Bella.

Once they arrived back at Bella's house to drop off Alexis, Bella and Edward stayed long enough to get her ready for bed. They left only after she'd fallen asleep.

"So where are we going?" Bella asked as Edward pulled away from the curb. Just like with the ice cream shop, Bella hadn't the slightest clue what Edward had planned. Edward couldn't help but notice that she trusted him enough to get into a car with him and let him carry her to some unknown place. Very slowly but surely, she was opening up to him.

"I was thinking maybe we could go to a lounge or something to celebrate. I know you don't like anything fancy."

"Sounds good. We could try that new one, Pure, in Port Angeles. It's supposed to be good, but I haven't had a chance to check it out."

"Okay, sounds good." He wondered whether or not she would mention what Alexis had said about seeing Esme.

He still didn't understand what had brought her there tonight. Even though he would never admit it to anyone, writing Esme off was not easy. For a long time, despite her faults, Esme had always been his source of comfort. Despite having both parents while growing up, she really was the only parent he'd had. At the same time, while it had been easy to look past her faults and mistakes when he was a child, now it wasn't so simple. His not wanting Esme in his life didn't just have to do with Bella. It was a whole culmination of events that led to that moment, but regardless of his reasoning, it still felt like he was cutting off a limb whenever he thought about severing ties with her.

Pure Lounge was just as calm and laid back as it was advertised. It was definitely more on the upscale side. There was a policy of booking in advance, but Edward was able to pay extra for them to have a table despite the short notice. He saw Bella shake her head in slight disapproval when he handed one of the waiters several extra bills.

"They would have had us waiting hours," Edward said in his defense as they sat down.

"Right," was all she said.

"Can I start you off with some drinks?" the waiter asked once they were settled.

"Whatever you want," Edward told Bella. "My treat."

"I don't know," Bella said looking at the menu. "It's been a long while since I've drank."

"What do you recommend?" she asked the waiter.

"The Absinthe Cocktail is a favourite."

"Okay, I'll try it."

"And for you?" he asked Edward.

"I'll just have a dry martini."

"So how does it feel to be a college graduate?" Edward asked once they were alone.

"It feels pretty damn good."

"I still wish you'd been able to go to your graduation."

"It's fine," Bella assured him again. "I wouldn't have missed Alexis's night for anything."

"That was pretty hilarious," Edward said, referring to Alexis's recital.

"Yeah, and before you know it, it will be time for the Easter pageant."

"There's an Easter pageant?"

"Yes, and it's just like all the other shows. One kid always pukes, and someone always picks their nose and then eats it."

"Ewww."

"Yeah. But they're all cute so you get used to it after a while."

They were silent again as the waiter brought their drinks.

"So what did Esme say when you went to talk to her?" Bella asked suddenly when they were alone again.

She'd caught him off guard, and he didn't have time to hide the surprise on his face.

Bella laughed a little. "I knew she was there from the beginning," she said.

"How?"

"I saw her come in, and when you left before going inside, I figured you'd left to talk to her."

"Oh, but I really don't know why she was there. I was just as surprised as you were."

"Oh, please. We both know why she was there. She wanted to see you."

"Not really. She said she'd come to watch Alexis perform."

"Really? Huh. Well maybe it's one reason, but I doubt it's the only reason. Have you spoken to her recently other than tonight?" Bella asked as she raised her hand indicating to the waiter to bring another cocktail.

"Not for a while."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I guess after all this time, all the resentment for what she caused is finally coming out. Right now, I can't seem to look past what she did."

"Well, you can't hold on to that forever. You have to forgive her at some point. After all, she is your mother."

"Can you forgive her?" Edward asked.

Bella gave him a face. "No, but she's not my mother."

"Okay," Edward said slowly. "Then what is if the roles were reversed? Would you have been able to forgive Renee if it was her?"

Bella thought for a moment before she answered. "Okay, you have a point, but just because I might not doesn't mean you shouldn't at least consider taking my advice."

"Why are you advocating for her all of a sudden?"

Bella was silent for a second as she looked down at her glass. "I know what it feels like to not have my family around anymore and be left alone. I understand how she feels, even if our circumstances are different. I know that loneliness. You are the only family she has left. It can't be easy to be rejected by your only family."

The reminder again of that dark period in Chicago made Edward's mouth run dry. No matter how much she'd hated him then, at that moment, he hated himself more for what he'd done.

Bella sighed. "I'm not saying that she and I are about to become BFFs. But I guess I just feel bad for her. Also, she's the only parent you have left."

"Yes, but I wonder, all this came about because Carlisle died. If he was still alive, would she have made this drastic change?"

"If I had stayed in Chicago, would you have?" Bella countered. "It's not what caused the change that's important. It's what arises out of it."

Edward gave her an amused smile. "When did you become a philosopher?"

"Ha ha."

Edward loved that they'd reached a point in their relationship where they could actually joke around with each other despite still dealing with the serious issues.

The waiter was just finished catering to another table when Bella stopped him to ask for another drink.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" Edward asked. Even though she'd switched from the absinthe drink, she was on her fourth drink. He knew in high school Bella had been able to hold her alcohol, they'd both had, but whereas he'd kept up the habit since then, he wasn't sure if she had.

"Not really, but I think that maybe that's the alcohol talking." She sighed as she began passing the tip of her index finger over the rim of one of the glasses. It was her tell whenever she felt confused or there was something pressing on her mind. "This is the first time I've ever drunk this much since high school."

"You never went out drinking after that?"

"How could I? I'd only just finished high school when you'd taken me. Then after that I was pregnant. Then I had Alexis, so going out to drink wasn't much of an option."

Bella spoke so nonchalantly about her past that Edward was beginning to realise she was teetering on the edge of being drunk.

"I'm not going to lie though," she continued. "The alcohol makes this whole situation way more tolerable."

"What situation?" Edward found himself asking despite already knowing the answer.

"This," she replied, waving her hand between them. "Us, here. It's easier to shut the voices up in my head that tell me I'm making a huge mistake being here with you, with alcohol."

She was no longer on the edge; she was drunk. Edward had forgotten how brutally honest alcohol made Bella.

"I'm sorry that it takes alcohol for you to want to be here with me," Edward said sadly.

Bella shook her head. "It doesn't make me want to be here with you. Before the alcohol I came anyway. It just makes the part of me that says I'm foolish for trusting you shut up for a little while. My morals have been silenced."

Edward didn't know how to respond to that.

"We sure do have one fucked up relationship. I'm pretty sure this is what you call the honeymoon stage of a domestic violence relationship," Bella went on. Then she looked at him with narrowed eyes. "I have to keep an eye out for the next stage."

"Maybe we should head out," Edward said. While part of the reason for wanting to get her out of there was to get her away from the alcohol, the other was that he was afraid of what else 'Honest Bella' would say.

"Why? It's still early."

"It's after three." Edward pointed to the clock just over the bar. He raised his hand and indicated to the waiter to bring the check. Unfortunately, the card machine wasn't working so Edward had to go to the side of the bar to pay.

"Do you want to come?" Edward asked Bella as he stood to follow the waiter.

"Nah, I'll just wait here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I won't be long."

Edward followed the waiter to the side of the bar where he was able to pay. When he reached back where Bella had been waiting, he found her missing. He felt as though his heart had dropped right out of his chest.

Quickly scanning the room, he looked for any sign of her, but he came up empty. She hadn't gone the way he'd been or he would have seen her. Instead, he went looking in the opposite direction. He went towards the bathrooms, hoping she'd gone there, but there was a long line outside the women's room. If she had gone there she would have still been in the line.

The room where they had been was not large, so Edward was sure if she'd been there he would have seen her. He went outside instead to look. Up the street there was a couple standing by the curb and several men standing under a streetlamp smoking. It wasn't until he looked down the street that he finally saw her.

The relief he felt quickly turned to anger. During the few minutes that he'd been looking for her, his mind has thought up all sorts of things that could have happened to her in her intoxicated state.

"What are you doing out here?" he demanded as he walked up to her.

She met his angry eyes with her own. Alcohol or not, Bella was still Bella. "I needed air. I didn't know how long you would be," she replied with the same anger. "Or am I supposed to ask your permission first?"

"Don't bullshit me with that, Bella. Do you have any idea what could have happened to you while you are in this state?"

"Oh, fuck you, Edward."

"Come on," he said reaching for her hand, but she pulled it away from his grasp and stomped ahead of him.

"Why are you mad at me?" he asked following behind her.

She stopped suddenly and started rubbing her forehead with her fingers. "I don't know." She sighed. "I just want to lay down for a bit. I feel like I'm about to pass out." She swayed slightly where she stood.

Edward held out his hands to catch her in case she started to fall. Taking her hand gently again, he led her to his car. When she was buckled in, he went over to the driver's side and got in. It wasn't until he was pulling away from the building and turning onto the road that he realised she was asleep.

"Bella?" he called, taking one hand off the steering wheel to shake her gently. She didn't respond.

"Bella?" Edward called a little louder, but she was gone to the world.

When Edward stopped in front of Bella's house more than an hour later, he realised he had a small problem. He knew Bella was planning to get into her house using the spare key she kept; the problem was he didn't know where it was hidden. He tried shaking her awake to find out, but she was still out cold. He considered knocking on the door, but all the lights were off indicating Alexis and Renee were asleep, and he didn't want to wake them. So instead, he decided to take her to his house so she could sleep it off.

Bella was still unresponsive when they arrived at his house, and Edward had to carry her into in. Very gently he laid her on the bed. When he was sure she was okay, he left her in the bedroom so he could take a shower and change his clothes.

When he came back into the room, Bella was no longer asleep. She was sitting up in bed.

"Where am I?" she asked. Edward could see that she was still a bit dazed. The effects of the alcohol hadn't worn off. He wondered if he should get a bowl incase she was about to puke.

"You're at my house. I didn't know where the key was for yours and didn't want to wake Renee so I brought you here to sleep it off," he explained. "If you want I can take you back to your house now."

"No, don't bother."

She didn't say anything for a while, seemingly lost in thought.

"Maybe you should go to sleep," Edward suggested.

She looked up at him, as if she'd forgotten he was there.

"I don't know why you put up with me," she said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're so oddly different from your father and brothers. I don't understand why. Bandura would be stumped if he met you." She looked at him curiously. "You know I hated you for a really long time. When I was pregnant with Alexis, I was even afraid I would hate her because of you."

"You should really go to sleep," Edward said again. He knew she would be horrified tomorrow by what she had confessed in her inebriated state.

"But now," she continued as if he hadn't spoken. "You make it really hard to hate you or even dislike you. It's easier to admit I still have feelings for you when I'm drunk."

Edward felt as though his breath had rushed right out of him.

"Do you know I still have the ring you gave me on our wedding day?"

"Really?" He thought she would have gotten rid of it a long time ago. "Why did you keep it?" he asked, sitting beside her on the bed.

"I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I never know what I'm doing. Maybe Eryn is right, maybe I am crazy."

"Eryn?" Edward asked. Now she wasn't making much sense.

Bella looked at him and smiled a little. "You really have changed. I like this new Edward." Then without any indication, without any signal, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. It was so unexpected he was caught off guard, but when he recovered, he couldn't help his response. He kissed her back. He pushed her gently on her back as his hands trailed up and down her leg. He'd wanted her for such a long time. At that moment, he wanted things to go far between them. He wanted to feel her again. It had been so long. But he knew he shouldn't. He wasn't Carlisle. He would never take advantage of her in her current state, despite how much the 'Cullen' side of him begged. Even if it felt like he was ripping himself apart by pulling away from her. He would never do that to her.

He pulled his lips away. If they ever got together again physically, it would be her decision, and it could never truly be her decision while she was not sober.

He stroked her face, though. He couldn't help that. He'd wanted to touch her for so long. He knew she wouldn't be happy once she found out what she'd said tonight, but for the moment, he embraced it. Unlike when they were in Chicago and she'd lied about having feelings for him just to get away from him, this time, the alcohol brought out her honesty. He preferred her honesty, but he wouldn't push her when she wasn't fully in control.

"You should sleep," he whispered.

She sighed. "You really are nothing like your father or brothers," she said.

"I'll be in the guest room if you need me," Edward said as he stood to leave. He hated leaving her, even for a moment, but he knew he should.

"Stay with me," she said.

"I don't think I should." He didn't know how he could handle being so close to her while still holding on to his morals.

"I trust you. I know you won't do anything you shouldn't," she said.

He thought about it for only a moment before getting in with her. This could be his last night— and chance— to be close to her. Tonight could be a step forward or a step back, and he didn't want to waste it.

Edward still kept distance between them.

"Do you think we'll ever have a normal relationship?" she asked.

"Weren't you the one who used to say being normal was overrated?"

Bella laughed a little, but Edward could tell she was already drifting off to sleep.

He ached to reach out and touch her again, but he stopped himself. His determination not to push his luck outweighed his need for physical contact.

It didn't matter anyway; within a few minutes Bella was already fast asleep. Edward sighed sadly as he rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. He thought about what she'd said about alcohol making it easier for her to admit she had feelings for him. While it did make him feel hopeful, he hated that it took alcohol to get her to speak to him about how she felt. All he wanted was for them to reach a comfortable point in their relationship. The problem was, a comfortable point didn't necessarily mean they were together; it only meant they'd finally figured out what was best for each other.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>You can find me on <strong>**Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

******************Much thanks to ****BelleDuJour** and ********************kitchmill********************.  
><strong>**********


	28. The Wolf

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

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><p><strong>"Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak." <strong>

**― Sun Tzu  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 27<strong>

**The Wolf**

The next day, Bella woke with a splitting headache. It felt as though someone was using a jackhammer against her skull. It didn't help that the early morning rays were streaming through her closed eyelids. Groaning, she tried ro roll over so as to the block the light, but any movement made her head hurt more. She couldn't even remember why her head hurt. She couldn't remember what she'd done the night before. Her memory was foggy. At the realisation that she didn't even know where she was, Bella's eyes snapped open, and she sat up quickly. The movement was too fast, and for a moment she thought she was going to hurl.

Looking around, she was surprised to find herself in Edward's bedroom. She didn't have any recollection of having come there.

"You're up," a voice said softly from the doorway.

Even though it was his house, Bella still felt some surprise at seeing him there.

"What the hell am I doing here?" she asked.

"You don't remember?"

She shook her head slowly as she racked her brain, trying to remember what had happened the night before. She remembered going to Alexis's recital and then going out with Edward. After that it was a little blurry.

"You drank yourself into a stupor last night," Edward said, filling in the details of her patchy memory as he walked into the room, a glass of water in his hand. He sat on the edge of the bed as he watched her.

Very slowly, her memory came back. Not the full memory, just bits and pieces, but it was enough to make her feel horrified at what she'd done.

"I can't believe I did that," Bella groaned as she buried her face in her hands.

"It's not that bad," Edward reassured her.

"Yes it is. I'm a parent. I'm not supposed to be going out and doing shit like that."

"It's not like you go out and get drunk all the time. It was one night. No sense beating yourself up over it."

"Oh shit, speaking of, I have to get home to Alexis," she said, her voice turning frantic as she remembered her reason for leaving those wild high school days behind.

"It's okay," Edward said. "I called Renee already. I told her you were tired and decided to spend the night here. I also talked to Alexis. She's a bit peeved that you spent the night and she didn't, but I promised her I'd take her out for ice cream later to make up for it."

"Thanks for covering for me."

"No problem."

In the silence that followed, Bella tried racking her brain again. She wanted to try and piece together what exactly had happened last night. A thought occurred to her.

"We didn't?" she asked slowly, afraid of the answer. "Did we?"

Edward looked confused for a second before he realised what she meant.

"No. We didn't." He looked hurt when he looked at her . "Do you actually think so poorly of me that you think I would take advantage of you while you were intoxicated?"

She hadn't meant to hurt his feelings, but she could see that she had. "No, I guess not."

He held his hand out with the glass for her. "You're not going to puke are you?" he asked.

"I don't think so," she said as she took it.

"I don't think my room can take another person puking in it," he explained, referring to the time Alexis had been sick and vomited all over his floor.

Now that he had mentioned it, her stomach was starting to feel unsettled.

"Did I say anything noteworthy last night?" Bella asked, trying to distract herself from the uneasy feeling.

Edward was silent long enough for Bella to know that she had. "Oh, no. What did I say?"

"It was nothing bad."

Bella groaned. "That means it was really bad."

"You just said you had feelings for me."

"I said that?"

Edward nodded.

Bella couldn't help but feel disappointed that she'd admitted that to him. It made her feel like they were on even footing. Their relationship always felt like a power struggle. In the beginning, he had the upper hand. Here in Forks, she did. Her admittance made them even. "What else did I say?"

"You didn't say anything else of importance. You did kiss me."

Bella couldn't keep her jaw from dropping open. She'd been so worried about what she'd said, it hadn't occurred to her that she might have done something.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I don't even know." At that moment she just felt tired, overwhelmed and confused with herself. She didn't know how her admittance would affect her and Edward's relationship, and she was too hung over to think of the consequences.

"Do you want something to eat?" Edward offered.

"No, I should probably head home," she replied. As she stood, everything around her seemed to move a bit as she got her bearings, but after a moment the dizziness faded, and she was able to follow Edward down to his car.

Edward didn't say anything as he drove her home, and she hoped he wasn't thinking more about what she'd said or that kiss. She couldn't believe she'd been so stupid as to do something like that. Her fear was that he would now be expecting something more out of their relationship. She wasn't sure she was ready for that.

Even without looking at the dashboard, Bella knew it was past noon. Her head was still throbbing when they stopped in front of her house.

"Do you want me to take Alexis out for a few hours so you could rest?" Edward offered, as she opened the door to get out of the car.

"Please?" she asked. She was still hung over, and a few hours rest was what she needed.

When they'd walked into the house, after Bella had retrieved the spare key taped under the windowsill, Alexis was the first one to greet them.

"Mommy, Daddy!" she yelled from the kitchen as she ran towards them. Bella smiled despite the radiating pain through her head from the sudden loud noise.

Edward went forward and swooped Alexis into a hug before she could barrel into Bella.

"Thanks," Bella whispered to him. She was sure that if Alexis had tackled her, she would have vomited right there.

She found Renee in the kitchen clearing up from lunch. Bella collapsed into one of the chairs by the counter, her head in her hands.

"Rough night?" Renee asked.

Bella didn't answer.

"I'll take her out now," Edward said from the kitchen entrance.

"Okay, I'll see you'll later," Bella said.

When she heard the front door close behind him, Bella looked up and saw Renee looking at her. Bella could see the question in her eyes.

"Don't ask," Bella said as she stood up and went into her bedroom.

Three hours later, after she'd showered, ate and taken a pill, she was feeling a lot better. The one downside was that the lack of pain in her head gave her a clearer realisation as to what she'd done. She supposed it wasn't too bad, but her confession made her uneasy. Either way, there wasn't anything that could be done about that. With nothing else to do, Bella figured she'd join Alexis and Edward wherever they were.

It didn't take long to find them. Edward had kept his promise and taken Alexis to an ice cream shop in town.

"Look who finally recovered," Edward said as Bella slid into the booth beside Alexis but opposite to him.

"Ha ha," Bella mocked as she pulled Alexis onto her lap. She felt bad that her action from the night before had made her incapable of taking care of her daughter.

"Look. Daddy bought me a new toy," Alexis said, holding up a box with a picture of a castle on it.

"Wow. Sugar and a new toy? Looks like you had a great afternoon."

"How do you feel?" Edward asked.

"I'll survive. I doubt I'll be doing that again."

"That's good. For a moment I thought I'd lost you last night, and it scared me."

"I'm sorry about that."

"You remember?"

"I'm getting little bits and pieces," Bella admitted.

Edward looked at her as though he was expecting her to say something more about last night, and he seemed a little disappointed when she didn't. She wanted nothing more than to move on and forget it ever happened.

"Do you have any special plans for Christmas?" Bella asked, trying to change the topic.

Edward sighed sadly before he answered. Clearly he'd wanted the conversation to continue along the path they were on.

"No, not really. I haven't really celebrated it for the last few years. What about you?"

"I've never been one much for Christmas cheer, but I try to put as much effort into it as I can for Lexi."

"Last year we saw Santa's reindeer," Alexis piped in.

Bella laughed at the memory. Alexis had been terrified of them and refused to touch even one or take the customary picture.

"Well, this is my first year spending it with her, and my first time in a while spending it with you, so it's bound to be special."

"Always the optimist."

When Edward's phone rang a few minutes later, Bella was helping Alexis finish off her ice cream.

"You took plenty," Alexis said.

"It was one scoop."

"Daddy, Mommy ate my ice cream."

"She did?" Edward asked while he looked at the screen on his phone and answered. "Hello?"

"It was one scoop, Alexis. I doubt it would have made a difference."

"When did that happen?" Edward said to whoever he was speaking to.

Bella watched as Edward's expression changed. First to confusion, then panic before settling on anger.

"I'll be there soon," he said before hanging up.

"Something wrong?" Bella asked.

"I'm not sure." He wasn't looking at her. His eyes were focused on the phone in his hand. "I have to go."

He stood quickly, and without much goodbyes, he gave Alexis a small kiss on the forehead and was out the door before Bella could make sense of what just happened.

"Well that was weird," Bella said to herself when he was gone. His departure was so sudden.

"What was weird?" Alexis asked.

"Never mind that. If you're finished, we should head home."

"So I can play with my castle?"

"Sure, or you can take another nap with me."

"But I'm not tired."

"Well I am, and I could really use a nap buddy."

"But I'm not tired," Alexis repeated. Bella couldn't help but frown a little. Using the "nap buddy" excuse used to work when Alexis was younger.

"Well then what do you want to do?" Bella slightly hoped that whatever it was, it was quiet and didn't involve her too much.

"Can we go to the library for story time?" Alexis asked.

"You are definitely my kid," Bella said with a laugh.

Thankfully there weren't many other children in the room for the story time that the library hosted, so Bella was able to find a seat towards the back while Alexis went up front with the other children. While Alexis was entertained with a story about a dragon that was all alone, Bella was given a chance to be alone with her thoughts.

Whatever was the phone call that took Edward away early, Bella couldn't help but feel slightly grateful. It gave her a little while longer to evade the possible implications of what happened between them.

No matter how much time passed by, or how easy it was to have feelings for him, Bella continuously felt conflicted with regards to her emotions. It was like loving something that was forbidden. She was Eve, and Edward was the fruit. Her biggest fear was that just like Eve, she would pay dearly for her decisions.

"Poor little dragon, all in a muddle. There must be someone who'll give him a cuddle," Bella heard the librarian, who was in charge of the reading, say. Bella knew the story well. It was one that Alexis had requested several times.

The librarian's voice took on a deeper tone to add an effect to the story she was reading. "Everyone seems to think he's too scary."

Bella couldn't help but laugh just a bit. That dragon sounded a bit like Edward. The same way everyone in the story ran from the dragon was the same way everyone kept warning her away from him.

"There must be someone, somewhere out there, who'd cuddle a dragon with love to spare," the librarian read on.

* * *

><p>"<em>Is there anything special you want for dinner?" Ann asked as she and Bella strolled through the local supermarket. While Bella pushed the shopping cart, Ann held her baby in her arms.<em>

"_Nothing particular," Bella replied. "I'm not picky."_

_Ann laughed. "That's for sure. The last one who stayed with me refused to eat anything that wasn't low on sugar, had no carbs and was fat free."_

"_What's left?"_

"_Water."_

_Bella laughed._

_Oregon, as the last woman who drove Bella explained, was her last stop. It was as far as they could take her, and she would be safest there. Bella didn't share their beliefs. She never felt safe._

_Ann was the woman she'd been placed with in Oregon. She'd promise to help Bella for as long as she needed and to help her figure out what it is she wanted to do. Unfortunately, Bella couldn't figure out what she wanted._

"_Meatball subs?" Ann asked as they turned down another aisle._

"_That's fine."_

"_Perfect then. It's actually Matt's favourite."_

_Bella felt her mouth run dry at the reminder of Ann's husband. Whilst the rest of Ann's family, mainly her and her two children, had taken Bella in with open arms, Matt wasn't too happy about Bella staying with them. Ann wasn't aware of it, but Bella could hear them arguing at night about her. He didn't like that Ann was opening up their home to complete strangers. Hearing them just made Bella feel that much more terrible. She didn't run from her marriage to ruin someone else's._

_When they were through at the supermarket, Bella accompanied Ann to the local preschool to pick up her son. Then they returned to the house. Bella was glad that Matt wasn't home from work yet._

_While Ann busied herself in the kitchen, she refused to let Bella help, Bella sat by the table playing a card game with her son, Camryn._

"_Can you hold him for a second?" Ann asked holding the baby out for Bella._

_Bella held back the need to squirm. Despite having been around both children during the past few days, Bella was no closer to warming up to the idea of them. While one was always throwing a tantrum over something new, the other one was always leaking out of somewhere._

"_Sure," Bella said as she took the squirming child in her arms. The baby cooed a little while Bella sat awkwardly holding him._

"_You're not much of a kid person are you?" Ann asked as she stood over the stove stirring a pot._

_Bella just shook her head._

"_It's alright. I wasn't either until my son was born. Then it just came naturally. Don't worry, it will for you, too."_

_Bella doubted that very much, but she didn't voice it out loud. Ann knew that Bella was pregnant, but because of Bella's particular circumstance, she hadn't been able to go to a doctor as of yet. She'd arrived in Oregon with no identification of any sort, and Ann had insisted that Bella not do anything that would show up on her social security number, out of fear that Edward was tracking it._

_Ann said she would help Bella find a way around that, but until then, Bella couldn't do anything that would draw attention to herself. Matt kept insisting that Bella just "go to the police" if she was that desperate. Neither Ann nor Matt knew the whole story, but Ann understood why it wasn't that simple. If Bella went to the police, and Edward was able to silence them with money and influence, all that time spent trying to get away would have been for nothing._

"_It's your turn," Camryn called._

"_Oh, sorry." Bella balanced the baby in one arm while drawing another card from the stack in front of her._

_Camryn drew another card before declaring, "I win."_

_Bella wasn't sure how he won, but she was glad the game was over. She focused her attention then on trying not to drop the baby._

_When Matt returned from work, Bella did everything she could to avoid him. Even though she would have preferred to eat dinner in the guest room, Ann had insisted she have dinner with them. At the first opportunity she got, she managed to make her escape._

_While Ann was in the baby's room rocking him to sleep, Bella stood by the wall beside the crib watching her. Looking at her, Bella couldn't help but wonder about her own child, and if she would ever be a good enough mother. She still hadn't decided whether or not she wanted to keep the baby. Just like everything else in her life, she was undecided, which left her confused and feeling that much more alone._

"_You okay?" Ann asked. Bella hadn't noticed Ann watching her._

"_I'm okay. I'm just wondering how you can do that."_

"_Do what?"_

"_Parent. It seems so complicated."_

"_It was at first, but after a while you learn." Again Bella doubted that._

_Ann looked at Bella sadly when she said, "I know it will be harder for you, if you chose to keep the baby, but it is possible."_

"_But it seems a little selfish, doesn't it? Keeping a baby in my messed up life."_

"_You are one person who can never be selfish," Ann said as she placed the now sleeping baby into the crib. "Just the fact that you were selfless enough to get away, all the while knowing what could happen? How could someone who makes such a sacrifice be selfish?"_

"_I guess." The self doubt was just too large for Bella to see things from Ann's point of view._

"_Matt and I are going to watch a movie now. Would you like to join us?"_

"_That's okay," Bella said quickly. She highly doubted Matt would want her there. "I'm really tired."_

"_Okay, I'll see you in the morning."_

_When Ann was gone, Bella went into the guestroom. She collapsed backward onto the bed with a sigh. Soon enough, she could hear Matt and Ann arguing about her. She knew it would go on for a while, and she had no desire to hear them, so still fully dressed she rolled over, shut her eyes and fell asleep._

_When Bella woke several hours later, the house was quiet. The clock on the bedside table said it was just after four. Climbing quickly out of bed, Bella went into the guest bathroom to change her clothes. During the time she'd been there, she'd mainly been using Ann's clothes. Now she changed into some new clothes she'd bought a few days before. When she was changed, she left Ann's clothes she'd been wearing in the basket at the foot of the bed. Pulling out a few bills from the amount Eryn had given her, Bella left it in an envelope on the bedside table with a note of thanks to Ann. She didn't want to leave her without some token of thanks for all Ann had done for her._

_Just like when she'd arrived, Bella didn't have any possessions so there wasn't anything to pack. Opening the bedroom door, Bella found the house still and quiet. She wasn't sure whether or not Ann would be up with the baby, but she saw all the lights were off indicating she wasn't. Bella hated sneaking out like that, but she knew Ann would never let her leave. Bella didn't want to be the cause anymore for the problems between Ann and Matt. _

_The original intention was to just get as far away from Chicago as possible. Now that she was, it was time for her to move on. She wasn't sure what she would do, but she knew she could never figure it out there._

_Bella made her way quietly down the steps. When she reached the bottom step, she was surprised to see the light on in the kitchen. Whoever it was seemed to have heard Bella because she heard footsteps approaching her. She was taken aback when she was that it was Matt._

"_Where are you going?" he asked. Bella breathed a small sigh of relief that it wasn't Ann. Matt wouldn't have a problem with her leaving._

"_It's time for me to leave," Bella said simply._

_Matt looked at her surprised. "Why? Does Ann know?"_

"_No. I figured it would be best to leave while she was asleep. You and I both know she won't let me leave if she knew."_

_Matt looked at her closely for a minute, and when he spoke, Bella thought she could hear sadness in his voice._

"_You don't have to leave because of me," Matt said. "I know I've been a jerk these past few days, but…" He trailed off. _

_Bella sighed. "I'm not leaving because of you. It's just time for me to go. I came here to get away from Chicago. I did. Now it's time for me to move on."_

"_I can't make you stay, but I wish you would reconsider."_

"_Why?"_

"_For one thing, do you know where you're going to go?"_

"_No, but that hasn't stopped me before."_

_Bella walked closer to the door. She didn't want to waste any more time and risk Ann finding her._

"_Do you want something to eat before you go?" Matt asked._

"_No, thanks. I'd better go."_

"_Okay. Take care of yourself," Matt said._

"_Bye."_

_The night was cold, and Bella was relieved just to be out of the house. For a moment, she'd been afraid that Matt would alert Ann of her departure. She couldn't understand why he cared, but there was no time to sit and figure out Matt's emotions. There was a five thirty train out of Oregon, and Bella didn't want to miss it._

_The house wasn't too far from the train station, so Bella arrived to it within minutes. After paying for a ticket, she found a seat on the platform to wait. The train was already there waiting to leave, but Bella wanted a few minutes of fresh air before she got on._

_She thought that after all this time, that feeling of loneliness and fear of the unknown would dissipate. She was wrong. It was still there._

_When the platform around her began to fill, Bella went on board so she would get a seat. She found one by a window. Aside from the view of people moving about their business, there wasn't much to see._

_In Florida, Bella had lived a rather sheltered life. Her father's death and her relationship with Edward were the only sources of turmoil she'd ever experienced. Her move to New York was supposed to be her chance to get out from the nest. It was supposed to be her chance to fly. Now, as she sat in a train station far from home, pregnant and alone, she felt as though she had more been shoved out of the nest. She was expected to learn to fly while pummelling to the ground. It wasn't the best way to learn, but unfortunately for her, it was her only way._

* * *

><p>"For Christmas, can I get the purple doll for my castle instead?" Alexis asked from the back seat.<p>

"We'll see," Bella replied. It was her go-to response whenever Alexis asked for something, and she wasn't paying much attention. Her mind was preoccupied with thoughts about Edward. He'd called the night after the visit to the ice cream shop to say he had to leave for a few days. He didn't say why, just that he would be back as soon as he could. That was three days ago.

He still called Alexis every night to talk to her. Bella didn't know how those conversations went, but when she talked to him, he always seemed in a bit of a rush. She never asked him what was wrong figuring he would explain it whenever he was ready. She just hoped whatever it was wasn't too bad.

"Mom," Alexis called loudly from the back seat.

"What?" They'd stopped in front of the house, but Bella hadn't been listening to her at all so she hadn't heard Alexis calling for her from the backseat.

"Look."

Bella turned to see Alexis pointing at someone on the front porch.

It took a moment for Bella to recognize the face, but once she did, this blast from the past left her speechless.

"Jacob?" She couldn't believe her eyes. Out of everyone from her past, he was the last person she expected to see standing on her front porch. She hadn't seen him since the night she'd gone to the dinner party with Edward in Chicago.

Bella was just climbing out of her truck when he came down the steps to meet her. She closed the door so the cold air from outside wouldn't get into the truck.

She didn't know why he was there, but either way, she figured Alexis shouldn't be exposed to whatever the reason was for him coming to see her.

"Bella, how are you?" Jacob asked as if they were old friends just catching up.

"Good," Bella replied as she carefully looked at him.

He looked exhausted, and there were what looked like finger print marks by his neck. Around his wrists, she could make out what looked like healing burns. It looked like restraint marks.

"I haven't seen you in so long. I was surprised to hear when you'd managed to escape. I always felt bad that I couldn't help you. So I was glad that you were still able to get out."

"So was I. If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here? If it's Edward you're looking for, he's not here."

"I know." Jacob sighed, and Bella saw his eyes trail to where Alexis was still sitting in the backseat. "I'd heard he'd found you. I'm sorry. I know you must have come here to escape him."

Bella just nodded. She still hadn't the slightest clue why Jacob was here.

"I promised myself I would do whatever it took to make sure you were safe. I'd stood by last time and let it happen, this time I swore I wouldn't." He looked at her sadly. "That's why I'm here to warn you. Edward isn't the person you think he is. I know it may seem like he's changed, but he hasn't. He's just playing you."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, I know he may seem like he's changed, but he hasn't. I wish I could go into specific details, but I can't. I just want to make sure you're on your guard and that you and Alexis are safe."

Bella didn't know how to respond to that. "What do you mean by he's playing me?"

"I mean that regardless of what he tries to portray, he's still a Cullen. They are known for their deception. Carlisle did it. Emmett and Jasper did it. Now Edward's doing it."

"Doing what?" Bella was growing frustrated with Jacob's cryptic language.

"Fooling people," Jacob replied, a slight anger in his voice. "He's fooling you into thinking he's this changed person, but he's not." Bella saw his hands open and close as if he was trying to calm himself.

"I don't want to see you get hurt again because of him," Jacob said, softer this time. "Especially seeing as now it isn't just about you." His eyes went to Alexis again before returning to Bella's face.

Bella was left speechless. It was her greatest fear. That Edward's change was just a ruse, but it didn't make sense.

"Why would Edward pretend to be good? What could he possibly gain from pretending?"

"You of course. Even when he was screwing other women when you were gone, he still kept up his obsession for you. Not to mention, Esme..." Then he stopped.

"What about Esme?"

Jacob sighed sadly. "Esme wants Alexis. She's been goading Edward to take Alexis from you since she found out about her."

Bella stepped back in disbelief. "You're lying."

"I'm not. I was there the day Edward's investigator said he'd found you. Esme has been in contact with Edward since he left Chicago. He lied when he told you he'd cut off all ties with her. They'd both just been waiting for the opportunity to take her."

"He wouldn't do that," Bella said softly, but even as she said it, she wasn't certain. "How do I know you're not lying?" she asked, a hard edge in her voice.

"Unlike Edward, I've never hurt you. I have no reason to. I've seen what the Cullens are like, and it's always killed me that because of money and power they get away with it. I don't want to see you get hurt again."

Bella still didn't understand it. She couldn't fathom as to why Jacob would care about her.

"Thanks for telling me then," she said. "I'll have to be on my guard."

"You're welcome." Jacob walked forward and gave Bella a brief hug. It was so unexpected that it took Bella a few moments to respond. "Stay safe," he whispered in her ear before he pulled away from her. With a last wave at Alexis, he turned and headed towards his car which was parked not far from Bella's house. He didn't look back as he got in and drove off.

Once he was out of sight, Bella went back to the driver's side of her truck and turned off the engine. She was surprised that Alexis had actually remained quietly in her seat and not started gnawing at the straps on her car seat.

"Who was that?" she asked as she jumped out of the truck.

"No one important," Bella said.

Renee was not at home, and Bella was too busy with Alexis to think more about what Jacob had said. She tried to keep herself preoccupied. It was easier to just push the problem away than to face it head on. When night eventually came, Edward called as he usually did. Surprisingly, Alexis didn't mention to him having seen someone different. Unfortunately, despite her best efforts to make it seem like nothing was wrong, Edward seemed to pick up something different.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Bella could hear the worry in his voice, and she berated herself for it. She didn't want him to become suspicious. She wasn't sure whether or not what Jacob had said was true, but either way, she knew she needed to figure it out on her own.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired I guess. Alexis and I have been missing you a lot," she admitted. It was true. Prior to meeting Jacob, she had been missing him.

"I miss you both as well. I'm trying to clear this up as quickly as possible so I can return."

"And you're not going to tell me what the problem is?"

"Not yet. Besides, it's nothing you have to worry about."

It seemed she wasn't the only one dealing with a tough situation. She heard Edward speak briefly to someone, his voice muffled by his hand which Bella assumed was covering the mouthpiece.

"I have to go," he said. He sounded a bit sad when he said it.

"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow then."

There was a brief silence. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she replied before she could stop herself. It was an involuntary response.

Then she hung up, not wanting to dwell too much on what she'd just said. She did love him, that was true, but whether that love was right or wrong remained to be seen.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>The story mentioned is Who wants a dragon by James Mayhew. It's a really sweet children's story, and I highly recommend it. <strong>**

****I'm curious to know how all of you managed to find this story. If you chose to review, can you mention where it is you first found out about this story? It is much appreciated. ****

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

******************Much thanks to****** ********************kitchmill********************.************


	29. Heretic

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"…happiness is but the occasional episode in a general drama of pain."<br>**

**- Thomas Hardy**

**Chapter 28**

**Heretic**

For as long as Edward could remember, Jacob had always been the bane of his existence. Edward was only a year old when Jacob was born, so he couldn't remember a time when he wasn't there. Growing up, Esme never hid the fact that she didn't like Jacob. She never treated him badly, she just never went out of her way to accept him. Carlisle never hid the fact that he'd had an affair, nor did he show any type of remorse for hurting Esme. Her feelings towards Jacob eventually lead to Edward forming his own hostility towards him. Now all these years later, Edward saw that his dislike was very much warranted.

"The damage isn't too bad," Laurent said. "The insurance will cover most of it."

"No. I don't want a paper trail. I'll have it fixed out of pocket," Edward replied sharply. He was very short on temper tonight— a combination of stress and lack of sleep.

When Dean had called and said that there had been an explosion in the car park of his company in Seattle, not much had run through Edward's mind except that he hoped no one had been injured. When Dean had said that cameras had captured Jacob on the complex moments before the explosion, Edward had been confused. Then when he was informed that a hand written note from Jacob was found, Edward was furious. Apparently in the letter, Jacob had accepted responsibility for the attack and demanded that Edward speak to him.

Edward hadn't spoken to Jacob since Carlisle's funeral, and he'd told his assistant to not inform him of any calls or messages from Jacob. According to Leah, Jacob had been trying to get into contact with Edward for quite some time. Now that he had Edward's attention, he seemed to have backed out.

"Why are you wound so tight?" Laurent asked. "It was just an accident."

Edward looked at him but didn't respond. Laurent and the media, who'd swarmed to the building on news of the explosion, had been told it was caused by a gas leak. The head of the emergency services had been bribed to remain quiet about the actual cause. Edward didn't want the truth leaking out.

"Well you're in your usual sour mood so I'm out for the night." If Laurent was waiting for Edward to ask him to stay, he was severely disappointed because Edward remained silent as he packed up and left. It wasn't until he was gone that Dean walked in.

"Have you found him?" Edward asked before Dean could even begin.

"Not yet. We've been tracing his whereabouts since surveillance footage last spotted him in the car park."

Edward sighed in frustration. He wanted to return to Forks, but he wanted to get rid of the Jacob problem before he did.

"But there is something you should know, sir," Dean said slowly after a moment. "It seems Jacob has been keeping bad company since Carlisle's death."

"Bad company how?"

"Jacob has gotten deep into the mob. The Tarasov's have a hit out on him."

"Why?" This was news to him.

"They didn't say. They just said that he better hope you find him before they do."

Even though Edward had never had any type of brotherly feelings towards Jacob, he couldn't help but feel slightly troubled. He didn't like not being in the know. There was no way to get the Tarasov's to talk, so Edward would have to wait until Jacob decided to show himself again to find out what the problem was.

"Tell security to bring the car around. I'm ready to leave."

With a slight nod, Dean left.

Once he was gone, Edward took out his phone and dialled Bella's number. It was late, and he wasn't sure whether or not she or Alexis were asleep yet.

It rang several time before Bella answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey, I didn't know whether you were asleep or not. I didn't want the night to pass without calling."

"I was actually about to call you. Alexis has been fighting sleep for about an hour. She really wanted to tell you goodnight. Hold on, I'll go get her."

There was silence, followed by the sound of Bella talking softly to someone. Then Alexis came onto the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey. How are you?"

"You called late," Alexis said. Edward could hear the slight anger in her voice. It was subdued slightly by how tired she was.

"I know. I'm sorry. I was tied up at work."

She didn't respond. Edward knew she was disappointed, and it broke his heart.

"When are you coming home?" she asked.

"Very soon."

He heard her yawn.

"You're tired. Why don't you go to sleep, and I'll call you first thing in the morning. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Goodnight, Alexis. I love you."

"Goodnight, Daddy. I love you, too."

Edward heard a noise as the phone was being passed from Alexis to Bella.

"Hello?"

"I didn't realise calling late would upset her," Edward confessed.

"She'll be okay so long as you don't take too long in coming back. Are you any closer in resolving your problem?"

"Not really," he confessed.

"And you're still not going to tell me what it is?"

Edward thought it over for a second. He didn't have to tell her everything, only enough.

"I've been having some trouble with Jacob."

"Jacob?"

"Yeah. Do you remember him? You met him at the dinner party in Chicago." He tried and failed to make his voice sound like the memory wasn't important, but it was. He didn't like Jacob being anywhere around Bella.

"Of course I remember him." She paused for a second. "He was here the other day."

"What?" Edward sat up straight. Surely there was a problem with the connection and he hadn't heard her properly.

"Jacob was here," Bella repeated slowly.

"When?"

"Day before yesterday."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded. He'd spoken to her the day before, and she hadn't mentioned running into Jacob.

"Why are you mad at me?" Bella snapped. "You didn't mention until five minutes ago that he was causing problems."

Edward took a breath and let it out slowly. She had a point. He couldn't accuse her for keeping secrets when he was guilty of the same.

"What kind of problems is he causing?" Bella asked.

Edward thought for a quick second whether or not to tell Bella the entire story. On one side he wanted to be honest. On another he didn't want to scare her. Bella had always hated that side of his life. His hope was that he could get rid of the problem easily without her worrying.

"He's having some money problems, and I guess he's wanting me to solve it for him," he said simply, keeping out any mention of the hit out on Jacob. "What did he say when you spoke to him?"

"Not much," Bella said. "He said he just wanted to see how I was."

"That's odd." Even though he didn't understand why Jacob would go to Bella, he was certain it wasn't with good intentions. Jacob wasn't the type to stop off in the middle of nowhere just to see how someone was.

"If you see him again, stay away from him. Jacob is getting mixed up in some bad things, and I don't want you or Alexis involved."

"Whether or not you want it doesn't seem to matter. Haven't you noticed? She and I are always caught up in it somehow. Even if it is indirectly." Bella sighed sadly. "I'm kinda tired, so I'll let you go," she said.

Edward didn't want to hang up. He wanted to know more about Jacob's visit, but he knew better than to push her. "Okay. Goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight."

Before there could be a repeat of their last conversation where she'd told him she loved him, she hung up. Edward didn't stop to process this fact. As soon as he hung up, Edward began arranging for his ride home. He doubted that Jacob's real reason for going to Forks was just to check up on Bella.

Unfortunately, as much as he wanted, he couldn't leave right away. He didn't arrive in Forks until the following night. Jacob still hadn't shown himself, and the security team Edward had posted outside Bella's house confirmed that he hadn't been there either. Edward had chosen to skip going to his house first, and went straight to Bella's. He wanted to get there before Alexis went to sleep. He hadn't told either her or Bella that he was arriving, choosing instead to surprise them.

Renee answered the door when he knocked.

"You're back already?" she asked, surprised, as she moved aside to let him in. "Alexis will be happy."

"Is she asleep?"

"No, she was waiting for your call. They're in her room."

Edward saw that the door was open as he made his way to her room. Peeking inside, he saw that Bella and Alexis were lying beside each other on the bed. They were facing away from the door so neither of them noticed him standing there. Between them was a flashlight pointed up towards the ceiling. In their hands, they held small sticks. Each stick had a cut out shape of an animal on the top. When Alexis placed the animal shape in front of the flashlight, it caused the animal's shadow to appear on the ceiling. Alexis was telling Bella a story using the various animals.

"And the littlest lion got lost in the forest," Alexis said. "And then, his mommy found him."

She took one of the sticks from Bella and put it in front of the flashlight so its shadow was showing on the ceiling.

"And they lived happily ever after," she concluded. "The end."

"That was a short story," Bella said.

Alexis shrugged. "It was a small forest."

Edward tried and failed to hold back a laugh at Alexis's comment. They both looked up at him in surprise.

"Daddy!" Alexis yelled once she realised who was there.

She ran to him, and he caught her in a hug. "Hi."

"You were gone for so long," Alexis said dramatically.

"I'm sorry, but I'm back now."

"Look what mommy bought me." Alexis held out one of the sticks she had been using to tell her rather short story.

"Wow."

"You have to tell a story now," Alexis said, holding his hand and pulling him over to where Bella was. She'd been watching their interaction with amusement. Edward had missed both of them terribly while he was away.

"Actually, I'm pretty tired. I only came here to say goodnight," he explained.

"But you can't go already. You just got here. Please stay?" She gave him her best sad face. Edward groaned. He was sure that if Alexis ever realised just how tightly she had him wrapped around her fingers, she'd already own a car. He let her lead him over to Bella.

"She sure has you whipped," Bella said.

"I can't deny that."

As Edward laid beside Bella, Alexis returned to her favourite spot between them. She handed Edward the sticks she had in her hand.

There were two lions, a monkey, a rhino and a bird.

"I don't know any stories."

"Make one up," Bella responded. "It's what I've been doing."

Edward thought for a moment. He wracked his brain for any stories he might have been told as a child, but his mind came up blank. He couldn't remember whether or not Esme had actually read to him before bed, and he knew for a fact that Carlisle did not.

Then Edward had an idea for a story he knew very well. Bella was watching him curiously while Alexis was patiently waiting.

"Once upon a time there were two lions. One was called Anthony, the next one Marie."

Out of the corner of his eye, Edward saw Bella's eyes narrow at him. Ignoring her, he held the two outlines of the lions up to the flashlight.

"Anthony and Marie had been friends for a long time. Anthony liked Marie because she was smart, funny and beautiful. Also, he saw in her a strength that he wasn't used to seeing. Marie liked Anthony because, well, Anthony wasn't sure why Marie liked him."

Edward paused for a second, to move the lions around in front of the flash light so it looked like they were running and playing with each other.

"But Anthony was selfish and came from a bad home. While Marie showed him only love and kindness, Anthony hurt her." Edward was careful with how he worded his story. Whilst Alexis may not be able to fully understand it, he didn't want to traumatize her.

"So Marie didn't want to play with Anthony anymore."

Edward made one of the shadow lions run off.

"Anthony couldn't find her. He looked high, and he looked low. He'd realised just how badly he'd treated her, and he wanted to apologize. To tell her how sorry he was, and to show her he could treat her right. He swore that he wouldn't stop until he'd found her. Then one day he did."

Edward brought the second lion back in front of the flashlight.

"By then, Marie had a tiny bird that she was caring for, and—"

"What's the bird's name?" Alexis asked.

"Emily."

"She has my middle name!"

"Yes, she does."

With the relief that she hadn't made the connection, Edward went on with his story. "Marie was still angry at Anthony for what he'd done, but he was determined to show her he'd changed."

Edward looked over to see whether or not Bella was really listening to what he was saying. She wasn't looking at him, she seemed to be just as entranced as Alexis so he took that as a good sign.

"Anthony was determined to show her how much he'd changed. He still carried a lot of the problems from his childhood, and he wanted to make himself a better lion for Marie, Emily and for himself. Even if he and Marie couldn't be friends again, he never wanted to be the same lion he was before."

Edward stopped. He wasn't sure how to continue the story.

When more time passed and Edward had remained silent, Alexis looked at him, confused.

"No happily ever after?" she asked.

"I don't know. Do you think there is a happily ever after?" Edward asked Bella.

"It's time for bed, Alexis," Bella said, dodging his question.

"So what happened to the lions?" Alexis pressed. Just like her mother, Alexis couldn't take a cliffhanger.

Bella sighed. She took one of the lions from Edward and held it up to the light.

It was her turn to share some part of the story, and he was intrigued to find out.

"Marie could see that Anthony had changed, and he was trying, but she was afraid. It wasn't just her she had to worry about. Emily, the bird, was involved as well. Marie could take anything that happened to her, but she couldn't take anything happening to Emily."

"But Anthony showed Marie that he could be trusted with Emily," Edward countered. "So much that Marie let him have Emily for a few days."

Bella laughed. "Yes, that is true. Marie saw how much Anthony loved Emily, and whilst that stopped some of Marie's fears, it didn't stop all. Anthony could still hurt her. Even if he didn't mean to."

Edward brought the lion he still held in his hand so close to the one Bella was holding and whispered, "To love is to risk being hurt."

She smiled a little at his point but didn't respond.

"It's late, Lexi. You really need to go to bed," Bella said as she stood up.

"I'd better head home." Edward stood up as well.

"Wait." Alexis went over to the wall where there was a pile of books on a shelf. She picked up three and gave them to Edward. "You need to practice how to tell a story."

Bella couldn't help her laugh.

"I will," Edward said, taking them from her.

Bella went out into the kitchen so Edward could put Alexis to bed.

"Are you going to leave again?" Alexis asked through a yawn as Edward tucked her in.

"Not for a while. Even if I do leave, I'll always come back. I will never leave you."

"Promise?"

Edward didn't understand why Alexis needed the assurance, but he wanted to give it to her nevertheless. "I promise."

Once she was asleep, Edward went outside to find Bella. He found her alone in the kitchen.

"I didn't realise she'd miss me so much," Edward said as he took a seat by the kitchen table.

"She always does. She's really taken to this whole dad thing I guess."

Edward couldn't help but feel a slight ache when he remembered that he'd only been an active father for several months. Even though he didn't blame Bella, he couldn't help but feel sad that he'd missed out on so much of Alexis's life.

"Did you fix your problem with Jacob?" Bella asked. Edward knew the question was coming.

"No. He seems to be evading me despite going through drastic measures to talk to me."

"Drastic?"

"He set off an explosion in the car park of my office building. The last time anyone's seen him is when he spoke to you." He watched her carefully. He knew she wasn't being entirely truthful about Jacob. He also knew that she knew he wasn't being entirely truthful either.

"Why is he turning to you? Is it because of his money problems? Were you two friends or something?"

Edward was momentarily confused as to why she'd called Jacob Edward's friend. Then Edward realised she had no idea about Jacob's role in his life. In all the years they'd been together, he'd never divulged that information, choosing instead to pretend that Jacob just didn't exist.

"He's not my friend. He's my half-brother."

Very rarely did Edward catch Bella off guard. Usually it was the other way around.

"Half-brother? You never told me that."

"Jacob was the product of my father cheating on my mother. I don't speak of him unless I have to." He looked away from her for a moment. He really didn't like talking about Jacob, but he felt that she should know.

"Jacob is several months younger than me. Carlisle was never ashamed of what he'd done, and it broke Esme's heart when he told her. Esme made sure Jasper, Emmett and I kept our distance from Jacob and his mother despite us living so close to each other. It wasn't until I was older and Carlisle started trying to involve me in his business that I really spend any time around him."

"Did Carlisle not like Jacob or something?"

"It's not that Carlisle disliked him; it's more that he didn't see any potential in Jacob so he took me under his wing more while Jacob just tagged along." Edward was getting to the difficult part, and he was determined to tread carefully.

"Even before Carlisle died, Jacob has wanted his business. Carlisle didn't want that. He wanted me to have it."

He saw Bella's eyes widen, and he understood her fear.

"I didn't take it. After he died, I refused to take it. Jacob was pissed that he didn't get it."

"Wow," Bella said.

"My family is even more fucked up than you thought."

"You said it, not me." She sighed. "Does Jacob know you didn't take the business?"

"I'm not sure."

They were silent for a moment, and Edward could see her mulling over what he'd just said.

"He warned me about you," Bella said after a moment.

"What?"

"He said that you were only pretending to have changed. That really you were just fooling me into thinking you'd changed."

Edward felt anger flare up in him. Then it diffused when something else occurred to him.

"Do you believe him?" His voice was soft as fear gripped him. It had taken so long to gain Bella's trust so far, and to lose it, after all this time, would set him back.

"Ye of little faith, why do you doubt?" She gave a small smile. "For a while I did," she admitted. "I've been having my own doubts about you for a while, so I guess I was prepared for anyone to confirm it, but I realised what he said probably wasn't true."

Edward breathed a small sigh of relief. Jacob was going to pay for this.

"He did tell me that Esme has been wanting to take Alexis away from me. Is that true?"

Edward stopped breathing. Whilst Jacob's earlier message had been incorrect, this one was true.

Slowly he nodded. He braced himself for Bella's fury, but it didn't come. Instead she just looked tired as she patiently waited for him to explain.

"When I first found you and found out that we'd had a child, she'd wanted me to take Alexis from you. She knew you wouldn't want her in Alexis's life, but she was determined to be. I told her I would never do that to you or to Alexis. She's our daughter first and foremost." He was desperate to make her understand his position. His absolution in this decision had not wavered in the slightest.

"Does she still want her?"

"I don't think so. Since Carlisle's death, she's had a huge reality check. She loves Alexis, but I guess she's chosen not to push the matter."

Edward watched Bella's expression carefully. This wasn't how he expected her to react whenever he thought of them having this conversation. He'd expected yelling, accusation and anger. If she was angry, she was hiding it very well.

"Why are you taking this so coolly?" he asked.

"I don't even know. Despite my better judgment, I trust you way more than I probably should, and besides, if you'd wanted to take Alexis and hurt me, you could have done it a long time ago."

Bella hadn't the slightest idea how much her words meant to him. It was another small step forward.

"Do you think Jacob will come here to find you?" she asked. Edward could see the worry in her face.

"I'm not sure," he admitted reluctantly. "But it's nothing for you to worry about. It's me he wants to speak with."

Bella nodded, but she didn't seem reassured.

"How did your mother, father and brothers react to him?"

Edward was taken aback by her question. He had no idea where she was going with this.

"Carlisle ignored him just as much as he ignored us. He lived not too far from where I grew up. Emmett and Jasper picked on him a lot, then they too ignored him. I never paid much attention to him either. Esme didn't like him at all."

"That's got to be rough. Carlisle had the affair, yet everyone treated him like it's his fault."

"Are you having sympathy for him?"

"I don't know. I guess, thanks to you, I'm seeing how much a bad environment affects a person's life. You were a product of your environment. He is of his."

Edward didn't know how to respond to that. When she put it that way, he saw that she was implying that both he and Jacob were similar in that aspect.

"I hate when you drop reason on me."

She shrugged. "Most people do."

"Product of his environment or not, I'm not going to just sit back and take whatever he dishes out. I learned that from you."

"At least we've had some positive influence on each other."

* * *

><p><strong>Can you believe this chapter has been finished since November? <strong>

**Everything that could go wrong these last few months, did. The good news is that even though I couldn't share the chapters, I was still writing them. **

**Thank you for answering my question in that last chapter. It was really interesting to see how this story was discovered. **

**INO turned 2 years this month. Whether you were here from the beginning or just arrived,** t**hank you for sticking by me. **

**Lastly, thank you to kitchmill and BelleDean for all of their help.**

******You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix******


	30. Changing Tides

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

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><p><strong>"Hate the sin, love the sinner."<br>― Mahatma Gandhi**

**Chapter 29**

**Changing Tides**

Even though Bella had played off the whole Esme incident as nothing, it bothered her. A lot. It put her on a whole new level of anxiety when she thought about how Esme had planned to take her daughter. Whilst she stuck by her decision to trust Edward, this situation added another level to the dark clouds that were always hanging over their relationship. She'd played Edward's news off at the time as nothing, because she didn't want him to know just how afraid she was. Ever since that first day when their relationship had turned sour, Bella had never let him see her afraid. She'd held onto her strong image, even when she'd felt anything but. After Edward had left, Bella stayed up half the night thinking over everything that had happened. It was why she'd run from Chicago when she found out she was pregnant. That fear that her child would be hurt because of the life of its father drove her to leave while she could.

When she awoke the next morning, Bella was tired from lack of sleep, and her nerves were on edge. Renee was flying back to Florida for a few days to visit her sister, so Bella took time off work to take her to the airport. Renee and Alexis chatted the entire drive, neither one of them aware of Bella's inner conflict. She'd thought about telling Renee her problems, but that would mean opening up about everything, and Bella couldn't do that to her mother. It had taken a lot of convincing to get Renee to visit her sister. It still wasn't easy for her to be away from Bella, but Bella had convinced her to go. When Renee waved goodbye to Alexis and Bella at the airport, she hadn't the slightest idea the trouble her daughter and granddaughter were in.

"Can we go see Daddy?" Alexis asked as she and Bella left the airport.

"You'll see him later I'm sure," Bella replied. She'd told Edward that she would be taking Renee to the airport. He'd offered to drive them or keep Alexis so Bella would have less load, but she'd refused, preferring at that moment to have a her daughter with her as much as possible.

Everything in her life hung in a sort of balance at that moment, and the slightest thing could throw the balance off and make everything fall down around her.

"We have the day off. What do you want to do?" she asked as they drove home.

"I don't know."

Bella thought about it for a moment. Then she saw what appeared to be a familiar car parked at the side of the road. "Do you want to go ice skating?" she asked.

"Okay."

Lucky for them, the public session had just begun, and after renting a pair of skates for Alexis, they went out near the rink

"Drayven," Alexis called out.

Bella followed Alexis's gaze and saw who she was looking at. Sebastian's son was out on the ice. He was gripping onto the side of the railings with one hand while he waved at Alexis with the other. Looking out at the benches, Bella knew who would be there. The car parked outside had given him away. Sebastian sat not too far from where they were.

"Hi," he said, walking over to them. Drayven had made his way, very slowly, to where they were.

"Hey. Didn't expect to see you here," Bella said. The last time she'd seen Sebastian was the last day of class. They'd both gotten caught up in their own lives since agreeing they were better off as friends.

"I can say the same about you. What brings you all the way to Seattle?"

"I was dropping my mother off at the airport," Bella explained as she helped Alexis into her skates. Holding her hand, Bella helped Alexis get out onto the ice.

"You aren't going on?" Sebastian asked.

"Not unless there's an ambulance waiting nearby. What about you?"

"I have work tomorrow, and it won't help if I'm injured."

"Don't go out into the centre," Bella told Alexis as she and Drayven went out, though there was no need for Bella to worry about that. Neither Alexis nor Drayven ever ventured far from the railing.

"What brings you to this part of town?" Bella asked when she and Sebastian had found a free bench to sit on.

"I brought Drayven to visit my brother and his family," he explained. "How've you been doing?"

_Bad._ Bella thought to herself. Out loud she said, "Fine. You?"

"Alright. I've gotten a job offer in Seattle, so I'm contemplating moving out here."

"Really? That's great."

Sebastian smiled. "What about you? Still afraid of blood?"

Bella felt a chill run through her at the reminder. "Definitely." She was forever glad that her current job paid enough that she didn't have to pursue a medical career. She was unsure whether or not she could stand working in a hospital.

"How are things between you and Edward?" Sebastian asked.

"Fine, or as fine as things can get with an ex."

"I can relate."

Bella looked at him confused.

"Drayven's mother contacted me a few weeks ago about meeting him. She's cleaned herself up and wants to be a part of his life again."

"Oh. How did that go?"

Sebastian sighed. "I told her no, but she's insistent. She's filed for visitation through the courts. I received the summons yesterday."

"Ouch," Bella replied. She really didn't know what else to say. It was one of her biggest fears, being dragged through family court by Edward. She couldn't imagine what it must be like for Sebastian. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. On the one hand, I really want to fight it. I don't trust her enough to be around Drayven. At the same time, I can't deny that Drayven needs his mother. I'm just afraid that she's setting him up for disappointment."

Bella was at a loss as to the type of advice she should give. She understood Sebastian's fears, as she had had the same about Edward. But at the same time, she was willing to give her ex a chance and had seen how, by some stroke of luck, it benefited Alexis. The problem was that second chances aren't for everyone, and there was no guaranteed way of knowing whether or not someone had completely changed their ways.

They were silent for a moment as they both watched Alexis and Drayven make their first lap. They'd done it while holding on to the railing.

"I wish there was a right fix," Sebastian said softly. "A right answer."

Bella sighed. "There is no one right answer and there never is for most things in life. The whole idea of things being in black and white went out the window a long time ago. The world is just grey. It's really up to you to decide what's best for Drayven and for you. As you told me, at the end of the day it is your life. Society can't tell you what it thinks is right or wrong. You're the one that has to live with the consequences."

Sebastian watched her and smiled. "You seem to be an expert on tough decisions."

"Expert," Bella scoffed. "If I was an expert I would have had it all figured out by now."

"An expert isn't someone who has it figured out. It's just someone who is knowledgeable."

"It's too cold," a voice said from in front of them. Looking up, Bella saw a shivering Alexis and Drayven.

"That's because you spent more time sitting on the ice than skating on it," Sebastian said.

"You're finished already?" Bella asked.

They both nodded. After helping Alexis and Drayven take off their skates and return them, the four of them headed out.

"Are you headed home now?" Sebastian asked.

"Might as well. We still have a two hour drive back to Forks, and with my truck it will probably take four."

"I'd offer you a ride, but I'd promised my brother we would spend some more time with his family before we headed back."

"I hope things work out for you," Bella said.

Sebastian gave her a brief hug goodbye. "You too. Don't forget to take your own advice sometimes."

The twenty minutes on the ice wore Alexis out, so she fell asleep a few minutes after Bella had pulled away from the curb. Bella had delayed returning to Forks from Seattle to prolong all the trouble that seemed to reside in that small town.

It was odd. There was a time when Forks had been a sort of refuge and a chance to start over. It was just another sad fact of life that whilst she had been able to start over, starting over hadn't rid her of her old problems. It just brought on new ones.

* * *

><p><em>It felt like she'd been at the women's shelter for months, but really it had only been a few weeks. This new shelter Bella was staying at had a requirement that all members did certain chores as a way for them to contribute towards the smooth running of the shelter. Bella didn't mind. It was nice to feel useful and to keep her mind busy. She was often assigned to the library, an added bonus. Her job was to keep the place tidy and the books in the right place. She was paired with a volunteer, Mrs. Clearwater. She was an elderly woman who came by at least twice a week. Bella really enjoyed working with her, and she often told Bella stories from her childhood while they worked. Mrs. Clearwater was pleasant company, something Bella was starved for while there.<em>

_Even though Bella and the other women were joined by their somewhat similar pasts, built up anger often caused them to project their feelings on each other, so Bella often chose to keep her distance from the others. That made her time spent with Mrs. Clearwater that much more special. She was an oasis in the sea of confusion Bella was currently in. Also, because Bella was the youngest person there, it made Mrs. Clearwater see in Bella images of her own deceased daughter, and she often told Bella this. Mrs. Clearwater often felt like she'd failed her own daughter because she wasn't able to save her, so her hope was that if she spent time saving others, it would ease the pain of losing her own child. _

_Bella had confided in her the same parts of her own story that she'd told others. She only shared the details she felt were worth sharing. _

"_You're very brave," Mrs. Clearwater said one evening as they stacked the books that had been taken down earlier. "To leave."_

"_I feel a lot of things," Bella replied. "But brave is not one of them."_

_Mrs. Clearwater laughed a little. "You'll see it one day."_

_They were silent for a few minutes as they finished stacking the last few books. Once they were done, they sat in continued silence for a few minutes. They could both hear the sound of rain hitting the window. _

"_Have you decided what you are going to do about the baby?" Mrs. Clearwater asked softly. _

_Bella shifted uncomfortably. She didn't like being reminded. She just shook her head smiling slightly as she said, "I wish I could give it to you."_

_Mrs. Clearwater smiled as well. They both knew she would have taken the baby in a heartbeat, but because of her age, she was unfit to care for a fragile person. Also, Bella hadn't made a firm decision as to whether or not she wanted to give up the baby. _

"_Will it be alright if I spoke frankly?" Mrs. Clearwater asked Bella. _

"_Sure."_

"_I think you should keep it."_

"_I don't think I should."_

"_Why not?"_

_Bella gave her a confused look. The answer was obvious, but it seemed Mrs. Clearwater wanted her to spell it out._

"_I have no job, barely any money, no identification and no home."_

_Mrs. Clearwater's expression didn't change. "I didn't say keeping the baby would be easy. Regardless of what you chose to do with the baby, you're going to have to rebuild your life anyway. You leaving your husband and going out on your own meant taking a shot at a new life."_

"_And how does a baby fit into that new life?"_

_Mrs. Clearwater gave Bella a sad smile. "Honestly speaking, do you really think you can give up your child?"_

_Bella wished she could say yes, but the words were stuck in her throat. _

"_At the end of the day it's your decision, but think long and hard about it. No more pushing the thought to the side. The sooner you decide, the clearer your path will be." _

_Bella sighed sadly. In the monotonous routine that occurred at the shelter, it was easy to lose herself in the everyday life and push tough decisions like this out of her mind. Unfortunately, she couldn't push it out for long. _

_Mrs. Clearwater glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's late. You should go to bed, and I better head home."_

_Bella hated when she left, but she knew she was right. It was late, and there were a few things Bella had to think over._

"_I won't see you again for a few days, but promise me you'll really think about what you want to do. I want to help you, Bella, but I won't know how until you know what you want me to help you with."_

"_I promise," Bella assured her. _

_Later that night, Bella lay awake much longer than she was used to as she thought over her options. She'd been choosing to ignore the blaring pink elephant in the room. Ignoring the problem didn't make it go away. It just reduced the amount of time she had to make a decision. Terminating the pregnancy was no longer an option for her. She was able to do a lot of things, but that was not one of them. That left keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption. For every one reason she had to keep it, there were five more reasons not too. Eventually, she ran out of reasons to keep the baby while the reasons not to continued to pile up. Really the choice was clear, but for some reason Bella couldn't firmly decide on it. Maybe it was selfish or maybe it was brave. Either way, it seemed that Bella had made the decision long before. _

_Over the next few days, Bella was haunted by her decision. On the outside she functioned normally, but inside she was a wreck. Making a decision didn't make it any easier. It just gave her a clearer path through the dark forest that had become her life. _

_Another late night found her in the library with Mrs. Clearwater. She hadn't asked Bella what decision she'd made. Bella assumed she was just waiting for the right moment or at least some time when they were alone. During the day, the library had at least one person, other than them, in it. The room was too small for them to carry on a conversation without someone overhearing. When the last woman had left them that night, Mrs. Clearwater finally turned to Bella._

"_I want to apologize to you, Bella," she said. _

_Bella looked at her confused. She couldn't imagine what she'd feel the need to apologize to her for. _

"_I shouldn't have forced you to make a decision. It should have been your choice."_

"_Oh," Bella replied as understanding washed over her. "You don't have to apologize. I needed that kick to get going. I should be thanking you."_

_She gave Bella a small smile. "I just want you to know I will help you in any way I can. No matter what you choose. Right now you need a place to stay so you can get back on your feet? How about you come and stay with my husband and me in Forks? We have an extra room that is just sitting there gathering dust. You want a chance to start over? What better place than a tiny town?"_

_Bella's eyes widened slightly at the offer. Her automatic reaction was to refuse right away. That offer was way too generous and there were countless others in the women's shelter who would benefit even more from it. _

_As Bella opened her mouth to decline it, Mrs. Clearwater spoke before her. "I know you're too selfless, and you don't want to accept it, but please, don't think of it as only benefiting you. Think of it as you helping a little old lady, who was heartbroken at the death of her own daughter, regain some hope in this world."_

_Bella hadn't thought of it like that. Still, she couldn't accept it. _

"_It's too generous_, a_nd besides, you may disagree with my decision."_

_Mrs. Clearwater was shaking her head before Bella had finished speaking. "It doesn't matter what you chose. I will still help you either way. No matter what."_

_It had been a long time since Bella had last cried, but right then and there, she felt the urge coming on. She pushed it away though. There was no time to shed tears. Tears never fixed anything. _

_She thought it over for a few minutes. If Bella had been asked a few months before if she believed there were still good people in the world, she would have said she wasn't sure. People tended to focus more on the negatives than on the positives. "Look for the helpers amidst the tragedy," she'd once been told. Amidst her tragedy, she'd definitely found them. She wanted so badly not to accept Mrs. Clearwater's offer, but she wasn't in the best place to deny help. She needed all the help she could get. _

"_Thank you," Bella said. "If it's not too much trouble."_

_Mrs. Clearwater beamed. "None at all."_

_They were silent for just a moment as Bella came to grips with this new path that had been laid out for her. _

"_You haven't told me your decision," Mrs. Clearwater reminded her softly. _

"_I've decided to give it up for adoption."_

_Bella saw something flash briefly across Mrs. Clearwater's face. It was there, only for a moment, before it was gone. _

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><p>Alexis was excited when Bella dropped her off for her last day of preschool before it closed for the term. That day, they were making gingerbread houses, and she liked anything that was different than the typical school day. There was also a grandparent volunteer in the class which only added to Alexis's excitement. Bella wished she could share in her daughter's enthusiasm, but it was hard to stay optimistic amid all the confusion.<p>

After work, when Bella arrived at Alexis's preschool to pick her up, she braced herself for the seemingly endless stories that she knew Alexis would tell. Alexis had a knack for explaining every detail of her day.

Alexis's regular preschool teacher was not in the room when Bella went in. She stood for a moment looking about the room for her daughter. Bella didn't think much of it at first when she didn't see Alexis right away.

"Hi, can I help you?" the volunteer asked. Bella hadn't the slightest clue whose grandmother it was that was volunteering today. It had been a new one each day this week.

"Hi. I'm here to pick up Alexis."

The woman gave her a slightly confused look. "Alexis? Her father took her about twenty minutes ago."

"Her father?" Bella didn't remember making any arrangements for Edward to pick up Alexis. Usually she did on Fridays, because she got off work early.

"Yeah." The woman went to the teacher's desk and pulled out a piece of paper. On it were the signatures of the parents. It was part of the school's policy that parents sign their children in and out. Scanning the paper, Bella saw Edward's signature beside Alexis's name. The time written was twenty minutes before.

"Oh, I must have forgotten," Bella said.

Without another word, Bella quickly left the classroom without looking back. She had a bad feeling growing in the pit of her stomach as she attempted to remain calm. She continuously tried to reassure herself that everything was okay. Maybe Edward had picked Alexis up to spend some extra time with her. Maybe he'd gotten the dates mixed up. All these reassurances didn't stop Bella from driving as fast as her truck allowed to Edward's house. His car wasn't in the driveway so she let herself in with the spare key he'd given her.

"Hello?" she called. Her voice echoed in the foyer. Going to his house phone, she quickly dialed his cell. He answered on the second ring.

"Hello?" He sounded confused. Probably wondering why someone was calling him from his home phone.

"Did you pick Alexis up?" Bella asked quickly without any formalities.

"What? Bella? Is everything okay? Why are you at my house?"

"Did you pick Alexis up from school?" she asked again.

"No. I thought you were going to. Did you want me to?"

Bella felt her breath stop. If Edward hadn't picked Alexis up, then where the hell was her daughter?

"The school said you'd picked her up," Bella said slowly. "I saw your signature on the sign out sheet."

"I didn't pick her up. I had a meeting in Port Angeles." Bella could hear the fear from her own voice seeping into his.

"Then where is she?" Her voice was getting hysterical.

"I don't know. We'll figure this out, okay? We'll find her. I'm leaving here now, and I'll see you when I get there."

Bella didn't wait to hear his plans. She hung up the phone quickly, only to pick it up again to call the police. She didn't care anymore about anything. All she wanted was her daughter home safe. When she lifted her finger to dial, she didn't hear the usual dial tone. She heard a strange sound in the receiver. It was as though someone was on the line.

"Hello?" a voice called.

"Who is this?" Bella asked.

"Esme. Bella? Is that you? Is Edward there?" Without waiting for Bella to respond Esme continued. "I've been trying to call his cell phone, but he isn't answering. I found Alexis sitting on my front step when I came home this afternoon."

Bella felt her heart start beating again as she let out a relieved breath. Then her second breath caught in her throat. She couldn't understand how Alexis had gotten to Esme's house.

"Where is your house?" she asked.

She listened carefully as Esme told her the address, then without saying goodbye, Bella hung up and ran out to her truck. She didn't know how or why Alexis had ended up at Esme's, and at that moment she didn't care. All she wanted was to see her daughter.

Esme didn't live too far from Edward's house, so Bella managed to get there quickly. As she pulled up she saw the curtain shift, and then the front door opened. Alexis came running out. The second she was within reach, Bella hugged her and began checking her for injuries. She seemed unharmed.

"Are you okay?" she asked, still checking to see if she'd been hurt.

"I'm okay," Alexis said. It was then that Bella noticed she had a cookie in her hand. Looking back at the house, Bella saw Esme standing a few feet away holding Alexis's school bag. Uncertainty was written all over her face.

"Alexis, how did you get here?" Bella asked.

"The man dropped me." Alexis was oblivious to the worry and fear on her mother's face.

"What man?"

"The man who was outside our house. The one you talked to."

It took Bella a long minute to realise who Alexis was talking about. When realisation struck her, it struck her hard. She was right in what she'd told Edward. His situation did affect her and Alexis somehow. In that moment it was as if all of Bella's fears had come alive. Her blood ran cold when she thought of how badly this day could have gone.

"What did he do?" Bella asked.

"He picked me up from school. He said that you and Daddy told him to pick me up. He brought me here and told me to sit on the steps until Esme shows up, and she did. I remember her from the grocery."

Bella looked back at Esme. Reaching out, Bella took Alexis's bag from Esme. If Esme was hoping for a thanks, she wasn't going to get one. Bella didn't know whether or not Esme had had anything to do with Alexis ending up in front of her house, and she didn't want to ask Alexis more about it in front of Esme.

"Did you know that she would be here?" Bella asked.

Esme quickly shook her head. "I was out for the afternoon. It wasn't until I came home that I saw her here."

It wouldn't have mattered whether or not Esme had flat out admitted to being responsible or if she'd denied it, Bella would suspect her either way. She'd just wanted to know what Esme would say.

"Have you gotten through to Edward yet?" Bella asked.

Esme shook her head. Without another word, Bella picked Alexis up and took her back to her truck.

"Bye, Esme," she called.

Bella saw Esme give her a small smile and wave as she was strapped into her car seat. Esme just looked sadly at Alexis as Bella drove off.

As they drove through Forks, Bella quickly contemplated her options. She didn't know whether to go to the police or to keep driving until she and Alexis were far away from Forks. She weighed the police option carefully first. She didn't know what type of help they would be. If she were to report it, what could they really do? What would she say? Her abusive husband's half-brother, who's also involved with the mob, kidnapped her daughter and dropped her off at her bitter grandmother's house? They couldn't arrest Jacob. No one knew where Jacob was, and if Jacob really was messed up in bad things, as Edward had told her, this was bigger than just a simple kidnapping. Going to the police would mean everything coming out. The black box would be opened, and Bella wasn't sure that would be a good thing.

She considered her other option. Running away again. It didn't appeal to her at all considering all that had happened the last few times she ran from Edward. He'd always found her in the end.

When she'd pulled up in front of her house, Bella buried her head in her hands. She didn't have long with her thoughts before she heard a car pull up in front of her. She looked up and wasn't surprised to see Edward getting out of his car. Anger flared up inside of her, but she pushed it down as she got out to help Alexis out.

"Is she okay?" he asked as he stood beside her.

"She's fine," Bella said, unable to keep the harshness out of her voice. She knew Edward could hear the anger in her voice, and that was what she wanted. She couldn't tell him everything she'd wanted to at that moment, because of Alexis, but she at least wanted him to know she was on the edge.

After opening the door and letting Alexis go inside, Bella closed the front door so she wouldn't hear them.

"Explain," she said.

Edward looked at her confused. "You don't think I had anything to do with this, do you?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

"Bella, I didn't know that Alexis was missing until you called."

"Did you know that Jacob was still in Forks?" she asked.

"No. I didn't know Jacob was involved with what happened today until I finally answered Esme's call after you'd already picked up Alexis from her house. She told me what happened."

Bella still didn't believe him, and her anger was slowly getting the best of her.

"Then why did she end up in front of your mother's house, Edward?" she yelled. After so long, it felt good to yell. "Why did Jacob take her?"

"I don't know."

That was a lie. They both knew why Jacob had taken Alexis. It was to send a very loud message to Edward. The message was clearly received.

"I don't know why he would do that. I swear to you, I had nothing to do with it."

"That doesn't answer my question."

Edward let out an aggravated breath as he passed his hand over his face. "I know it doesn't. I promise you I will find out what Jacob wants and make him go away."

Bella gave him a blazing look. "This is exactly why I ran from Chicago. Not just to get away from you, but also to get away from what you bring. I swear, Edward, if Alexis is hurt because of this…"

Edward cut her off. "I promise you. The two of you will not get hurt. I will find Jacob, find out what he wants and make him disappear."

Bella looked at him for a few brief seconds. She wasn't sure whether she believed him or not.

"You should leave," she said after a moment.

She could see that Edward was going to argue in his defense some more before he thought better of it.

"I want to see Alexis first. To make sure she's alright."

Bella was going to argue with that, but she could see that he was serious. He wasn't leaving until he saw his daughter.

She opened the door and called Alexis. Edward picked her up once she came outside.

"Hey, how are you?" he asked.

"I'm okay. Why aren't you coming inside?" she asked.

"There's something I have to do now."

"But you'll be back later, right?"

Edward looked at Bella only for a moment before he answered Alexis. "No. I'll see you tomorrow."

Bella raised her eyebrows at that but didn't answer.

"Okay," Alexis said sadly.

Edward gave her one last hug and a kiss on her forehead before he handed her to Bella.

"I'll see you both tomorrow," he said. With one last look at Bella, he walked back to his car and drove off.

"Why isn't Daddy staying tonight?" Alexis asked as they walked back into the house.

"Because Mommy is a big dummy who made a mistake and isn't sure she can trust him anymore," Bella replied, well aware that Alexis hadn't the slightest idea what she was talking about. As she predicted, Alexis gave her a quizzical look, but Bella just shook her head.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>And so the plot thickens. <strong>**

****You can find me on ****Twitter XxMementoMorix  
><strong>**

******************Special thanks to StoryPainter and****** ********************kitchmill********************************


	31. My Brother's Keeper

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

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><p><strong>"Where is your brother Abel?" <strong>

**"I don't know," he replied. "Am I my brother's keeper?"**

**- Genesis, Chapter 4. Verse 9**

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><p><strong>Chapter 30<strong>

**My Brother's Keeper**

Jacob was running scared, and Edward couldn't imagine why. He'd gone to extreme levels to get Edward's attention, and now that Edward was ready to listen, Jacob had cold feet. Edward sent word out to Jacob's associates and friends that he was looking for him. None of them had heard from Jacob in a while, and they no longer seemed interested in what he had been up to. Jacob was horrible at making friends but excellent at making enemies.

"Where the hell can he be?" Edward yelled. Dean, who was the unfortunate recipient of Edward's built up anger, just sat silently. "He has to be somewhere in the area. How many places are there to hide in this small town?"

Edward paced up and down his living room. He was too agitated to sit still. It had been two days since he'd last seen Bella or even Alexis. Bella only allowed him to speak to Alexis on the phone. He knew she was still angry and scared about what had happened to Alexis. He was too, but it was as though he was being punished for what Jacob had done. He missed his daughter terribly and desperately wanted to see her.

"Maybe he's waiting for something," Dean suggested.

Edward turned on him with a hard stare. "Waiting for what? Me to chop down the entire forest to find out where he's hiding? What about that friend of his? Jared?"

"Jared refuses to say anything until you've met his request."

Edward's eyes blazed. He didn't have the time or patience to give in to Jared's petulant demands. "I don't care what you have to do. Find Jacob."

After Dean had left, Edward collapsed onto his couch with his head buried in his hands. He hadn't meant to be so harsh. He was just stressed and on the edge. Everything seemed to be falling apart just when it was falling into place. Aggravated with himself and the state of things, Edward went to bed early.

Just after midnight, the buzzing of his phone woke him with a jolt. Dean's name appeared on the screen. Edward answered it, ready to let out some more of his anger, when Dean spoke suddenly and quickly. "Dan and Hunter found Jacob." It sounded like he, himself, was bracing for Edward's wrath.

"Where?"

"He's staying at a house about two miles out of town. The house isn't in his name and is off the main road so it wasn't easy to find."

Edward didn't care about the technicalities of where Jacob was. He was just glad that he'd been found. Throwing on some clothes, Edward went out to his car.

"Where are you?" he asked. Dean gave him the directions.

"Tell Dan and Hunter not to approach Jacob. I want to do that myself." After ending the call, Edward stepped a little too hard on the gas as he peeled away from his house.

Twenty minutes later, he stopped at the side of the road where Dean, Hunter and Dan, the rest of Edward's security, were waiting.

"The house is just through there." Dean pointed to something deep within the trees. It was too far for Edward to make out. All he could see was something yellow seemingly floating in the air. "We thought we could—," Dean began, but Edward was already heading towards the yellow spot. "Sir, shouldn't we discuss a tactic or something?" Dean jogged to keep up with Edward.

"Screw tactic. That asshole kidnapped my daughter. The only tactic I care about is his head on a silver platter."

As he got closer to the house, Edward saw that that yellow spot was a light coming from inside. He stood for a moment surveying the house. It was small, and he understood why Jacob had been so hard to find. There was no path from the road to the house, and unless you knew it was there, it was possible to pass the house straight.

"There are only two exits. One in the front and one in the back," Dean explained.

"You two go around back." Edward nodded his head to Dan and Hunter. They nodded back and, staying close to the trees so they wouldn't be seen, they went around the house.

Edward waited a few minutes before he and Dean crept up the steps to Jacob's house. Edward could hear what sounded like the television coming from inside. He felt his blood boil. While his life was in shambles, the bane of his existence was enjoying some television. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dean pull out his gun. Just like most of the doors in Forks, the front door wasn't made of any sturdy material. It would be easy to break down.

"Knock it down," he whispered to Dean.

Edward took a few steps back as Dean rammed the front door with his shoulder. It sprang open on the first try, and as it swung open, Edward saw Jacob's surprised face only for a moment before Jacob began running away from them. As Edward crossed over the threshold, he heard Jacob yell out and the sound of a scuffle. Walking towards the sound, he found Jacob near the back door with Dean and Hunter holding him down.

"Get off of me," Jacob yelled.

"Get off of him," Edward told Dean and Hunter. They hesitated only for a moment before releasing Jacob.

As Jacob stood, Edward reached out and punched him in the face. When Jacob fell forward, Edward tackled him to the ground and hit him several more times. Jacob's face was already bloody when Edward gave him a final punch.

Stepping away from him, Edward asked, "Why are you here?" His voice was lethal, but all Jacob did was laugh and spit blood at Edward's feet as he attempted to stand up to his older brother.

"And you wonder why I was avoiding you," Jacob said. He grinned at Edward, revealing several bloody teeth. He spat at Edward's feet again, but Edward didn't flinch.

"You've been trying to get into contact with me, now you have my attention. What do you want?" Edward refused to break eye contact with Jacob.

"I needed help, so I thought my loving brother would help me," Jacob replied, unaffected by the anger in Edward's voice.

"Help with what?" Edward's fists curled into balls.

"I need a loan, if you will."

"Stop talking in fucking cryptic. Just say what you have to say," Edward yelled.

"So much for having a handle on that temper of yours. I can't believe Bella still lets you around my niece." Jacob made a disapproving sound. Then seeing the rage on Edward's face, he quickly continued on to his problem. "After you took dad's business from me, I got into a bit of trouble. I needed money to settle some debts, and seeing as you wouldn't answer any of my calls, I went to them. Unfortunately, one of my better deals went bad and now they're blaming me and demanding I pay the money back. Problem is, I have nothing left. All I ask, my humble brother, is that I borrow some money from you to pay them and my collectors back. Do that, and I will be out of your hair," Jacob said, plain and simple. He spoke as though he'd just discussed plans for the weekend.

"I'm not giving you a dime," Edward said. "I'd rather just hand you over to them, and then sit back and watch as they rip you apart."

Jacob's eyes narrowed at Edward. "I don't want your money. I just want my inheritance from dad's estate."

"There is no estate. He left you nothing, and besides, I already liquidated the assets. There is nothing left." Jacob's smug smile vanished at Edward's words, and he gave Edward a disgusted look.

"I'm not going to bail you out of anything. You made your grave, now you'll lie in it," Edward added.

Jacob's eyes were cold as he watched Edward. "You forget, brother, unlike dad, you do have a weakness for your wife and child, and I don't care if I have to hunt Bella and Alexis down to get what I want. I will do it."

Edward was on him like a flash. Hunter had to pull Edward off of Jacob.

"Sir, it won't help if you beat him to death," Dean reminded Edward.

Jacob was lying flat on the floor when he started to laugh. Sitting up on his elbows, he looked at Edward. Then he smiled an evil smile.

"This might be a good time to let you know that I named you as being a reason why the deal went sour. The Tarasovs are after you as well," Jacob added.

Edward saw red. He was on Jacob again. Jacob attempted to fight him off, but he was no match for Edward's fury. Jacob was a bloody mess when Hunter and Dan managed to pull Edward off. The smug smile was finally gone from Jacob's face. Doing that didn't bring any reprieve for Edward. He was still haunted by Jacob's words. Dean pulled out tie straps and tied them around Jacob's wrists, binding them together.

"What do you want us to do with him?" Dan asked as he pulled Jacob onto his feet.

"I don't care if you have to bury him. Just make sure he doesn't slip away."

Leaving them to deal with Jacob, Edward went back to his car. He didn't wait to see what they would do with Jacob. He just started his car and left the scene.

At such a late time, Forks was quiet and dead. Edward had to use continuous self-restrain to stop himself from flooring the gas pedal. The anger building in him, the empty streets, and the desperate need to reach where he was going quickly all tempted him to drive faster.

When he pulled onto an all too familiar street, he took a deep breath and slowly let it out. It enabled him to let his anger slowly out as well. Bella's house was quiet. The occupants inside hadn't the slightest idea the danger they were in. He suspected though that one of the occupants knew. Bella always knew.

Edward didn't stop his car, he just made a turn and kept driving. He knew Bella and Alexis were safe. Ethan and Michael had been assigned to keep an eye on them for him. Edward felt that they were secure enough that he did not head home right away. He didn't pay much attention to where he was driving, so he was surprised when he pulled up on First Beach in La Push. The night was eerily quiet when Edward shut off his car. There wasn't another person in sight, for which he was glad. He needed time to think.

Leaving his car behind, Edward went down to the beach. Walking along the shore for a few minutes, he used the fresh air to clear his mind while he braced himself against the bitter cold. The chills bit into him to the point where it was painful, and for that he was glad. He wanted to feel the pain. It was a welcomed distraction to what was going on inside of him.

There was a piece of driftwood lying on the shore, and when he came up to it, Edward sat down on it for a moment. Looking out at the calm water, he remembered when he had come here with Bella and Alexis. It felt like eons ago when he'd first arrived in Forks and had met Alexis. He remembered how timid at first she was to meet him, and how flat out terrified Edward was to meet her. But it didn't take long for Alexis to warm up to him. She always knew how to cheer him up when he was having a particularly bad day. That was the type of person she was. She was exhausting and amazing wrapped into one. All of this was just part of the reason why Edward felt a large lump growing in his throat whenever he thought of the danger he was putting her in.

Resting his elbows on his knees, Edward covered his face with his hands. He hadn't the slightest idea what to do about Jacob. He'd been bluffing when he'd told Jacob that he'd liquidated Carlisle's assets. The truth was that he'd left the estate to deteriorate on its own. Giving it to Jacob might not be a bad thing. He was sure Jenks could find a way to go around Carlisle's will and have it transferred to Jacob. He would have to call Jenks to find out. The problem was with the type of business Carlisle ran, it was a crime against humanity to let it continue. Even if Edward wasn't directly involved, him passing the business onto Jacob, so Jacob could continue Carlisle's sadistic work, made him just as guilty as someone who did the actual crime.

When his hands started to grow numb, Edward walked back to his car. Before heading home, he passed one last time by Bella's house. It was still silent. Nothing was out of the ordinary so he headed home, figuring he could put off his problems for just a few hours while he got some sleep.

The next day, Edward still didn't have a clear path. He'd spoken to Jenks who said he would call him back as soon as he found a way around Carlisle's will. Hunter and Dean were keeping an eye on Jacob at some hotel in Seattle. They hadn't the slightest idea what else to do with him. Edward, meanwhile, was parked outside Bella's house. He knew she was trying to keep him away from Alexis out of fear of Alexis being hurt, but Edward couldn't stand it anymore. He missed his daughter and wanted to see her. He believed it wasn't fair that he was the one being punished for what Jacob had done. He'd accepted Bella's decisions before, believing he owed her so much for what he'd put her through, but he couldn't stay away any longer. Alexis was his daughter too, and he had a right to see her.

After walking the few steps up to the house, Edward knocked on the front door. He didn't know if she had seen him parked outside. Either way, he braced himself for her anger. He heard movement from inside, and a few seconds later the door opened. Bella's eyes narrowed as soon as she saw him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. Not even bothering to hide her disdain.

"Well hello to you too," he replied, trying to lighten the mood. Clearly it didn't work. "I came to see Alexis."

"And I said no," she answered angrily. "Don't you think you've done enough damage?"

"I had nothing to do with what Jacob did. I've never hurt Alexis, so why am I being kept away?"

Bella stepped outside and closed the door softly behind her. "Even if you weren't the one who took her, you're still the reason she was taken in the first place."

Before Edward could answer, the front door opened and Alexis stood in the doorway. She smiled as soon as she saw him.

"Daddy," she said, running towards him.

Ignoring Bella's angry expression, Edward picked Alexis up. "Hey. How are you?"

"Good. You didn't come over yesterday." Her voice was sad.

"I know. I've been really busy, but I'm here now."

Alexis looked at him as though that wasn't good enough. "I missed you."

"I'm sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?" He hated seeing her so upset.

Alexis smiled. He'd walked straight into that one.

After turning her body so he'd put her down, Alexis grabbed one of his hands and pulled him into the house.

"Don't you have somewhere to be now?" Bella asked. Her anger was only slightly masked within her question.

"Not today," Edward responded before Alexis pulled him into her room.

They both knew that Bella wouldn't make him leave so long as Alexis wanted him there. She often told him that Alexis had him wrapped around her fingers. She was no different.

For the rest of the day, Alexis had Edward read to her every book she owned twice and play every game she could invent. The games were tedious and all seemed to revolve around Alexis either winning or playing the main part, but Edward didn't mind. Bella had left them to their own devices. Edward knew she was not pleased that he was there. It took every ounce of his strength for him not to bow to her wishes. Alexis wasn't the only one who had him wrapped around their fingers.

When night came, Alexis wanted to go out to the local diner for dinner.

"Please, please, Daddy," she begged. "Please can we go?"

"I don't know," Edward said, uncertainty in his voice. He'd pushed his luck by coming here. He was almost sure that Bella would not be pleased about him taking Alexis out. "Why don't you go ask your mother?" It was better than him breaking the news to her.

Edward followed Alexis out into the kitchen.

"Mommy, can we go to the diner?" Alexis asked.

"Sure," Bella replied.

"Really?" Edward asked. He was surprised at how easy she agreed.

"Oh wait," Bella said, finally catching on. "When you say we?"

"You, me and Daddy," Alexis explained.

Edward could see that Bella had not realised who was involved when she'd agreed to Alexis's request.

"Actually, Alexis, I have some work to do," Edward said, wanting to relieve Bella from having to disappoint their daughter. He knew Bella didn't want to go anywhere with him, and he didn't want to force her.

"No, you can't go. You have to go to dinner with us," Alexis said, as she gripped on tightly to Edward's hand. Edward could see tears forming in Alexis's eyes, and it very nearly broke him.

Bella saw them too. "If you can manage one night off, I don't mind the three of us going," she said. Edward could hear the reluctance in her voice. She was only doing it to appease Alexis.

"Please, Daddy," Alexis begged.

"Okay," Edward agreed.

They took separate cars to get to the diner, but Edward didn't mind. Once they were there, neither Bella nor Edward spoke to each other. Alexis was more than happy to fill the silence with her endless recap of the events from the last few days.

"And then Mommy and I went to the ice rink with Sebastian and Drayven," Alexis said.

Edward felt his heart stop at that. He didn't want to believe that Bella had gone back to Sebastian already. They'd only been having problems for a few days. He couldn't believe she'd moved on already.

"We met them there," Bella corrected Alexis.

"Oh, right. Drayven was already on the ice. He and I fell down a lot."

Edward nodded at Alexis to show he was listening to her, but he directed his question to Bella.

"Are you still close to Sebastian?" he asked.

"Relatively. It's sort of hard to fall out of touch with someone in this small town." Bella's voice was like ice— cold and unfeeling. It was such a drastic change from what it had been this time last week.

"Do you see him often?" Edward asked, knowingly perfectly well that he needed to tread lightly.

"Often enough," Bella answered. "How is Esme?"

"I don't know. I haven't spoken to her since that day, and I haven't seen her in a while. I don't even know if she's still in Forks."

Bella scoffed. "We both know she's still here, and she isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Her obsession is here."

Edward wanted, so badly, to deny it, but they both knew it was true. Esme didn't have much else to hold on to. The rest of her family had abandoned her. She had nothing to lose and much to gain.

Edward's buzzing phone halted their tense conversation. Looking at the screen, he saw Hunter's name flash across the screen.

"Excuse me," he said standing up.

"You're coming back right?" Alexis asked. Bella looked at Alexis with worry etched on her face.

"Yes, I'll just be right outside."

Walking quickly out the door, Edward didn't accept the call until he was a few steps away from the entrance.

"What is it?"

"Jacob got away," Hunter said.

"What? How the hell did you let that happen?" Edward yelled. "You and Dan were supposed to be watching him." Edward's hands clenched into a tight fist before he loosened his fingers.

"Ethan and Michael had switched with us. They said he escaped through an airshaft with the help of one of the hotel's staff. Dean, Michael, Ethan and Dan are out looking for him."

"No. Have Michael and Ethan set up surveillance outside Bella's house. I need for them to be protected. Dean, you and Dan can look for Jacob. Though I doubt very much he's going to stick around." Edward ended the call quickly without wasting any time with formalities. Taking a deep breath, he attempted to calm down. Bella would know right away if something was up, and he didn't want her to have more reason to hate him.

When he walked back into the diner, Alexis was in the middle of a story. From the look on Bella's face, Edward knew she hadn't the slightest idea what Alexis was saying.

Edward saw Bella's eyes narrow slightly when he sat back down. He didn't know if she saw something on his face or if she was just always suspicious of him. He guessed it was the latter.

"It's getting late," she said. "We should probably head home."

Edward nodded in agreement. He had to talk to Dean urgently.

After paying the bill, they took their separate vehicles back to the house. Wanting to prolong the amount of time he spent with Bella and Alexis, Edward followed them to Bella's house. Alexis had fallen asleep on the ride home, so Edward offered to carry her inside. Bella reluctantly agreed. Once he'd laid her on her bed, he went back outside to where Bella sat in the kitchen. They both had a few things to say to each other.

"Have you heard from Renee?" he asked.

"Yeah. She says she's having a nice time."

"Did you tell her about what happened?"

Bella gave him an amused look. "Have I ever told her about anything that happened?"

He was dancing around the problem, and they both knew it.

Edward sighed sadly before beginning. "I know you're pissed off at me about what happened."

"Pissed off." Bella scoffed at him. "Pissed off doesn't even begin to describe what I feel."

"I know, and you have every right to be, but please believe me when I say that I had absolutely nothing to do with what happened. I would never intentionally put you or Alexis in danger. I never wanted it to come to this. It was my biggest fears realised, as well, when you called me and told me that Alexis was missing."

Bella had begun to shake her head before he could finish. "That doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether or not you intentionally meant to put her in harm's way. It still happened. When I think of what could have happened…" Her voice broke off, and for the first time, Edward could see that she was struggling to keep it together. This was the closest Edward ever came to seeing Bella break. She was usually so strong and resilient. Her strength and resilience seemed to be wearing thin now.

She shook her head again. "It doesn't make it any better. I don't want Alexis to get hurt," she said, though she didn't seem to be talking to him. Her eyes were fearful. When she looked back at him a few seconds later that fear was gone. The cold look was back.

"I think you should go," she said.

Edward knew he wouldn't be able to make any progress tonight. She followed him to the door.

"When can I see Alexis again?" he asked.

"I think you've already made it clear today that it doesn't matter whether or not I want you to see her."

"I'll come back tomorrow then," he said.

"Goodnight, Edward," she said as she closed the front door. He was surprised that she didn't slam it.

"Goodnight, Bella," Edward whispered back, but she was already gone.

* * *

><p><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong>Endless thanks to<strong>**** ********************kitchmill and LuluM  
><strong>******************************


	32. Tension

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

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><p><strong>"The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you."<strong>

**- Markus Zusak**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 31<strong>

**Tension**

The week before the holidays had always been a difficult one for Bella. Being away from her mother while struggling under the strains of being a single parent all added to her dislike of the holiday season. This holiday season was supposed to be different. Renee was set to return Christmas Eve, and Bella was finally at a point in her life where she wasn't struggling. All of that meant she should have been in higher spirits when the holiday season came around, but she wasn't. Still, she tried not to let her pessimism for the season affect Alexis, who was, as usual, in high spirits.

"This light isn't working," Alexis said, holding up the tiny ornament light for Bella to see.

"The bulb probably needs to be changed," Bella replied.

It had barely been five in the morning when Alexis had woken her up. The night before, Bella had promised her that they would start to take out decorations the next day. It was a spur of the moment promise, and Bella had only done it to get Alexis to go to bed. When Alexis awoke, she had not forgotten the promise and proceeded to remind Bella every five minutes until she woke up.

"This one is broken." Alexis held up a cracked tree ornament.

"There are a lot more in the box." Bella was having a hard time keeping her mind focused. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, and she had to work in a few hours. Bella was desperate to try to stick to the normal state of things and determined to treat that day like any other day. Any diversion from the state of normalcy was just a reminder of all the problems she was currently facing. "We'll go to the store tomorrow to get some more decorations."

Alexis's face lit up at that. "Promise?" she asked.

"I'm not falling for that one again."

At some point between Alexis's endless questions about the decorations and a headache that was slowly approaching, the time got away from Bella, and she had to rush her and Alexis out of the house before she was late. Once Alexis was dropped off at her friend's house, Bella barely managed to make it to work on time.

In the short time that Bella had worked there, she'd quickly gotten used to it. It was definitely an improvement from her last job. She hadn't forgotten James and often wondered what Victoria was doing now. Her co-workers were friendly enough, and she couldn't deny that the bonuses that came with the job were more than she could have hoped for. She was content with this part of her life and was grateful that work provided an opportunity for her to step into an environment where she was comfortable and untroubled by everything else that was going on.

Just before lunch ended, Bella was in the building's cafeteria with two of her co-workers, Rebecca and Hannah. Rebecca was the workplace gossiper. Whilst the other employees found her exasperating and annoying, Bella was one of the few who would sit and listen as she shared all the recent gossip that was going on. Bella wasn't particularly interested in what Rebecca had to say; she only listened to be nice. Hannah sat by quietly, rolling her eyes every few minutes.

"Did you hear that Andrew and Sharon broke up?" Rebecca asked in her high pitched voice. Everyone around the office called it her gossip voice. It signalled that she had some piece of news to share.

"No," Bella responded, but they both knew Rebecca was only asking to highlight how much more she knew than Bella.

"Yup. They got into a huge fight a few days ago. It's why she hasn't been here; she took some sick days." Rebecca paused for only a moment to catch her breath. "So, what do you have planned for the holidays?" Before Bella could answer, she continued. "I'm heading to Puerto Rico for some sun. It will give me a chance to get away from this cold weather. That's why I'm hoping Mr. Cullen has accounting pass out bonuses early."

"Wait, Mr. Cullen?" Bella asked.

"Yeah." Rebecca had an amused expression on her face. "You didn't know? It was supposed to be some big secret who the new owner is after Mr. McAllister sold us. Yeah right. Like anyone can keep a secret here."

"Yeah, yeah, but this Mr. Cullen, do you know his first name?" Bella asked, not wanting to believe what she was being told.

Rebecca thought for a moment. "I think it's Edmund or something."

"Edward," Hannah corrected her as she rolled her eyes. "Edward Cullen. I met him a few days ago in Port Angeles. For some reason he didn't want to have the meeting here. I don't know what he has against the place. Where are you going?" Hannah called after Bella had stood up with a horrified expression and walked away. Really, she should have known. Of course he'd buy the place she worked. He always had to be in control.

Bella pushed through the front doors hard, unable to stay in the building any longer. She was starting to feel claustrophobic. Tears were beginning to form in her eyes as she ran to her truck. It was always one thing after the other, and she'd been able to withstand it all for the past five years, but now, she was cracking. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. She couldn't take it anymore.

Not even caring if the speed broke her truck, Bella pushed the engine as hard as it could go. Her only thought was to get as far away from everyone as possible before she broke down. Truthfully, she didn't even know if it was just this isolated event or the culmination of events that led to this moment that was causing her to crack; either way, she'd been bruised emotionally for a while, and the pain was now beginning to register.

Bella made it home much quicker than she would have under normal circumstances. She ran into the empty house expecting it to be a safe haven, but it was anything but. It was just another reminder as to how far she'd fallen. There was a time when the house represented something; now it didn't.

Slamming the front door, Bella leaned against it and then sunk to her knees. Her breath was ragged as she desperately tried to hold in the racking sobs that were trying to break through. She hadn't allowed herself to cry in so long that she had almost forgotten how to. She closed her eyes in a fruitless attempt to stop the tears from falling but more tears than she would have liked still snuck through. Everything was finally bubbling to the surface, and she was afraid that if she let it all out, when the time came for her to be strong again, she wouldn't be able to contain it. Her emotions were like a wild animal. Once it was let out, it would be difficult to get it back into the cage again. The problem was she didn't want to be strong anymore—being strong hurt too much. She wanted to be weak. She didn't want to fight it anymore.

"Breathe, breathe," she reminded herself, but breathing didn't work.

More than an hour later, Bella had finally pulled herself together enough to leave the house to pick up Alexis. She didn't bother calling into work. Odds were the boss wouldn't mind. She made sure her eyes were no longer red and that there was no indication she'd been crying. True to her word, she took Alexis to get some more decorations and buy a small tree. It was hard feigning excitement with her the entire time. She hoped more than anything that Edward would not stop by that evening, but that was a wasted hope.

When he knocked, Bella took a few minutes to prepare herself. She'd wanted to yell and scream at him for interfering so much in her life, but the sadness within her was too great to let the anger come forth. She tried to keep her face calm when she opened the door. It didn't seem to work as Edward noticed right away that something was wrong.

"Are you okay?" he asked. His voice was soft and overly concerned which irritated her.

"I'm fine," she replied, but her voice broke.

Alexis didn't notice the tension between her parents as she pulled Edward into the living room to show him the progress she and Bella had made in decorating the Christmas tree. Several times he tried to engage Bella in conversation, but for the most part she left him and Alexis alone. She couldn't handle being around him at the moment, so she stayed out of the way as he and Alexis had their time together. Often times, it felt like she'd reached the end and was close to blurting out what she wanted to say, but she barely managed to keep it together. She hated the turbulent emotions that came with her relationship with Edward. It made her feel weak and vulnerable.

Edward stayed long enough to tuck Alexis into bed, and when he was leaving, Bella could see that there was something he desperately wanted to say, but he left without saying it. That seemed to be a main theme in their relationship, both of them continuously wanting to say something, but never having the nerve to actually say it.

Later that night, when Bella finally fell asleep, it was a restless sleep. Her mind refused to stay quiet. She was on the edge of sleep when she awoke suddenly. At first she wasn't aware of what had awoken her. She assumed it was just her restless mind, but then she heard a small thump. After Renee had left Bella had temporarily moved back into her old room, so thinking Alexis might have rolled off her bed, Bella left her own and went to check on her.

After pushing Alexis's bedroom door open, she saw her daughter curled up on the mattress. She hadn't fallen off so that left Bella momentarily confused regarding the source of the sound, but she was too tired to contemplate it for long. As she was about to walk back into her bedroom, something caught her eye. There were shadows moving about on the curtain by the front widow, indicating that there was someone outside. Approaching the window carefully, Bella could hear soft voices just outside. The shadows moved away from the window as Bella pulled the edge of the curtain away to look outside. She could see two figures. One of them was bent towards the front door's lock while the other stood nearby, looking back and forth at the road. The sound of the door handle jiggling caused her to jump.

Running silently back into Alexis's bedroom, Bella just had time to see the front door softly open as she closed Alexis's door. There was no lock on Alexis's door, and Bella cursed herself for never having put one on before. She almost tripped over one of Alexis's toys as she went over to the bed. Bella shook her awake.

"Lexi, come on, wake up." Bella tried not to make her voice frantic, afraid that it would scare Alexis, but it didn't work.

When Alexis woke up, her eyes were wide with fear. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Bella opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, she heard footsteps just outside Alexis's door and a voice say, "It looks like there are only two rooms. I don't know whose is who."

"Check that room," a second voice said.

Bella could hear what sounded like liquid hitting the floor.

"It's empty," the first voice said.

Picking Alexis up, Bella scrambled under the bed, pulling Alexis under with her. The door handle for Alexis's bedroom rattled, and Alexis made a small sound. Bella clamped a hand on her mouth to keep her quiet. A pair of shoes appeared just inside Alexis's room. Whoever it was seemed to survey the room for a moment before walking back out, closing the door behind them.

"It's empty," the first voice said.

"Doesn't matter anyway. Jacob pays us whether or not they stay in the house. Do you have the lighter?"

There was a metallic click of a lighter being opened and then silence. Bella hoped that meant they had left. Just underneath Alexis's door, where there was a crack between the bottom of the door frame and the floor, Bella saw something orange. Smoke was coming in through the crack.

Rolling from underneath the bed, Bella frantically looked around the room for a way out. She didn't want to go out the front door and risk seeing those two men. The only way out was through the window.

A blast of cold air hit her when she opened it, but she ignored it as she picked Alexis up and put her down just below the windowsill. The smoke was coming in thicker, and Bella could hear the crackling of a fire as she climbed out the window as well. There was no one in sight as Bella pulled Alexis through the snow away from the house. The road was clear when they crossed way from the house. Once they were in front, Bella could see what had been done.

There was thick smoke coming out the front window. The house was on fire. Bella knew she should go and get help, but as she stood staring at the house, she felt numb and frozen to the spot.

* * *

><p><em>Bella's feet and back ached as she wiped down the table. The afternoon lunch was over, and the restaurant Bella was currently working at was quiet. She had only been able to find part time jobs since moving to Forks. They weren't much, but it helped her feel productive and that she was moving forward with her life. <em>

_After another half hour of taking orders and cleaning tables, Bella's shift finally ended. She couldn't wait to get off of her feet and rest for a bit. _

_Outside, the day was finally starting to get a tad bit warmer. It was a welcomed relief from the bitter cold that always seemed to cover this tiny town. Bella had been staying with the Clearwaters for several months since she'd left the last shelter in Seattle. Mrs. Clearwater had kept to her word and had helped Bella regain her balance and get back on her feet. Mr. Clearwater had accepted Bella with open arms into his home. She'd been worried how he would react to a stranger staying with them, but it seemed he and Mrs. Clearwater had been cut from the same tree of kindness. Things weren't perfect, but it was finally looking up when compared to how it had been before. It wasn't home, but it was close enough. _

_Bella wasn't in possession of a vehicle, so she had to walk back to the house, but she didn't mind. Once it was warm out, the walk was pleasant so long as she watched out for the one or two puddles that were usually on the pathway. _

_The house was empty when she arrived, and whilst she was tired, she decided to stay outside and enjoy the fresh air for a moment. Mr. Clearwater had suffered a mild stroke several days before, and he was still in the hospital recovering. Mrs. Clearwater was with him, having barely left his side even for a moment._

_There wasn't much to see sitting on the front porch of Mr. and Mrs. Clearwater's house. Just a lot of trees that created the illusion of security. There were two families with children on the street, and Bella sometimes watched them when she was outside. Seeing the small children did cause her to think of her own child. She was just a couple of months away from giving birth, and it terrified her. Mrs. Clearwater had helped her get into contact with an adoption agency. They were supposed to call her when they found a prospective family. Every time she thought of it, her palms began to sweat, and her mouth ran dry. She hoped she was making the right decision. _

_Bella shook her head slightly to try to get rid of the negative thoughts. Taking a deep breath, she looked out towards the road. Forks wasn't much. The rain and laidback lifestyle were something to get used to. On the outside it didn't seem like much, but for her, it represented much more. This was her chance to start a fresh. Sometimes, when Bella thought about all that had happened during the past few months, it felt like a really bad dream. A nightmare she didn't want to believe happened, but the fact that she was on the other side of the country, living as a lodger with a family she barely knew, was enough evidence that it hadn't been a dream. _

_Sitting on the front step, Bella allowed herself, for the first time in quite a while, to think about Edward. He'd been pushed to the back while her mind was focused on getting to safety. Now that she was at the end of her journey, she thought about him. Bella wasn't sure what she felt about him. The anger had resided leaving her feeling numb. Numb to everything he'd put her through and everything she'd suffered because of him. Mrs. Clearwater had asked her once whether or not she thought she could ever forgive Edward. Bella had flat out, vehemently denied that she ever could, and she still held to that resolution. The scars he'd left were too deep, too engrained in her skin for her ever to forget. _

_More than once in her life she'd been told that sometimes bad things happen so that a person can discover the strength they never knew they had. Bella had scoffed at the minister at her father's funeral when he'd said that then, and she still scoffed when she heard it now. She didn't feel any stronger. She felt fragile, weak and without hope. The only thing was that she was determined to keep moving despite all these feelings. Her determination to keep fighting was strong as ever. She'd come too far and risked too much to turn back now. Edward was her past, and she wanted to bury the memories of him there. _

* * *

><p>Bella hadn't said a word to Edward since he had arrived at the scene of the burning house. She had been so numb to it all that she hadn't put up much of a fight when he'd convinced her to go with him. Her mind barely acknowledged the fear and panic in his eyes. Now they were driving out of Forks. Edward said they were going to at hotel in Seattle and that it wasn't safe for them to stay in Forks, but his voice barely registered to Bella. She knew she had to be brave or at least put on a brave face for Alexis, but after five years of pretending to be brave, she wasn't sure she could anymore. There was no more fight left in her.<p>

More than four hours later, Bella was sitting on one of the couches in the hotel's living room while Edward was in one of the bedrooms with Alexis. Alexis had fallen asleep during the ride to the hotel but had woken up as soon as they arrived. Despite the late hour, she had refused to sleep so Edward was lying with her until she fell asleep.

It was odd. Less than a year ago, she'd thought life was bad. It had been difficult, trying and not a day passed where it wasn't a struggle, and yet somehow, she'd managed to get through it. She'd had the strength then to continue despite all the challenges and hardships. This time was different. When things were supposed to have been easier, when she was supposed to have finally found her footing, everything literally went up in flames, and it wasn't hard to guess the source of the fire.

It took almost an hour for Alexis to fall back asleep, and when she did, Edward came out to the living room to see Bella. He sat on the couch opposite her. His eyes were weary. He could see that she was on the edge.

"How are you doing?" he asked. His voice was cautious. She didn't respond to him.

"Is there anything you need?" He seemed determined to hear her talk. Again, she remained silent.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. That got her attention.

"What are you sorry about?"

"I know that all of this is happening because of me."

If he was hoping she would not hold him accountable, he was wrong. She said nothing about his apology.

"I'm going to make it better," he promised.

"And how do you plan to do that?"

"I'll figure it out somehow. I'll do whatever it takes."

Bella shook her head. "That never seems to be enough. Do you ever notice that when you do things with the best intentions, I get screwed over?"

He didn't know how to respond to that.

"I was so stupid." She didn't seem to be talking to him. "I can't believe I actually thought that things would change. I should have known that even if you'd changed, things would get fucked up in the end. It's like the universe is making it glaringly obvious that we shouldn't be together. That I am a fool for even considering it. For letting you back into my life."

"That's not true. This is just a bump in the road."

Her eyes narrowed at him. "This is not a bump. It's a damn mountain."

"Maybe it's that you want it to be a mountain," Edward said. Frustration and anger was thick in his voice. "You never wanted to give us a second chance anyway."

"What do you want from me?" Bella yelled back, finally reaching her breaking point. Earlier, all the years of sadness had bubbled to the surface; this time it was the anger and resentment making its way to the front. "What more could you possibly want? After everything I've suffered because of you, after everything you've put me through, I still let you back into my life, into my daughter's life, even though any sane person never would have. Now look what happened. What more could you possible want from me?"

"Just a chance," Edward yelled back. It seemed Bella wasn't the only one with suppressed emotions needing to get out. "You've never given me a full chance to prove to you that I've changed. You say you have, but you never did. How am I supposed to prove to you, to be the husband and father I want to be, if you don't give me the chance to?"

A thought seemed to occur to Edward suddenly. "You can't possibley think I had something to do with what happened tonight," he said, horrified.

Bella shook her head angrily. "I know you didn't, but that doesn't matter. It happened because of you. Alexis being kidnapped happened because of you. Everything wrong that happened in my life happened because of you."

Standing up from the couch, Bella walked away from him until she was on the other side of the room. Once she'd reached as far as the room allowed, she turned around and looked at him. She wasn't the only one suffering there tonight, and it was time to finally come clean. It was time for her to finally express herself fully, and the angry state she was in allowed her to give her best speech yet.

"I know what you want. You want things to just go back to normal, for us to just go off into the wind like nothing happened, for me to just open myself up to you completely. Like we're in some fairy tale. News flash, this isn't a fairy tale. If I make a mistake, I can't just skip over the bad parts to get to the good part. If I mess this up, it isn't just me who's going to be hurt." Angry tears formed in Bella's eyes. "I can't do it. I can't just move on. I lost my entire life because of you. I lost everything because of you. And it's not just me. How do you think Renee feels? I had to beg her to get her to leave. The night before she left, she had a panic attack because she was afraid I'd disappear again. Did you know she comes into the bedroom where Alexis and I sleep at least three times during the night to make sure I'm still there?" She was hurting him— she knew it but she'd been holding these emotions in for so long, she had to let it out. "I can't even look at Alexis without remembering the fucked up journey that led to her coming to be. Do you have any idea what it's like to look at someone you love and have them remind you of someone you hate? I can never look at you and not remember everything that happened." Her voice broke for a moment but taking a deep breath she continued. "But despite all that I still gave you a chance. And you're right, you did show me that you'd changed. You've been kind and sweet and generous these last few months. You've bowed to my every will, met my every demand and done everything in your power to make up for what you'd done. But I can't let it go. You can't fix all that time of torture with just a few acts of generosity. I can't heal so quickly." The pain on Edward's face made Bella's mouth run dry, and her words broke off.

"I know I can't take it back." Whilst his voice was soft, the pain in it was very loud. "I know I can never take back what I did or what I took from you. I know I can't take back any of it, and I'm sorry, Bella. I can never begin to explain how sorry I am. I just wanted you to forgive me…" His voice trailed off as Bella began shaking her head.

"I know you want me to, but I can never forgive you for it, Edward. This isn't just about Jacob or Esme or Carlisle or anyone in your family. This is about you. This is about how deeply you hurt me, and I'm not talking about the physical abuse. I loved you so much, and you hurt me. I'm sorry, but I can't forgive you now, and I don't think I can forgive you—ever."

Despite the deep ache in her chest, Bella took a deep breath before continuing. This might be the only opportunity to say what she needed to say. "I'm not saying this to purposely hurt you. I'm just saying this because you deserve to know. It's not fair to you, and you shouldn't waste your time trying to please someone who doesn't want you to please them. You keep saying that I deserve better, but so do you. I'm not the only one that needs to heal from this, you do too, and I don't think we'll ever be able to truly heal if you're trying to tie us to each other. You were right. I haven't given you a full chance because I don't want to give you a full chance."

"So where do we go from here?" Edward asked.

"I just want to get past this thing with Jacob." Her tears had finally stop.

Edward looked away from her for a moment before he met her eyes again. "I'll take care of the Jacob problem. After that I'll take you wherever you want." He didn't wait for her reply. He just walked out the door without a backward glance.

Once he was gone, Bella went to the nearest chair and sat down. Her hands were shaking. She waited for the tears to come, but they never did. She'd cried enough for one day.

* * *

><p><strong>Endless thanks to TwilightMom505, kitchmill and<strong> **wime09**


	33. In Circles

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

* * *

><p><strong>"You will find that it is necessary to let things go; <strong>

**simply for the reason that they are heavy. **

**So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles." **

**― C. JoyBell  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 32<strong>

**In Circles**

"We've had no sign of Ethan or Michael as of yet," Dean said. "They seem to have disappeared along with Jacob."

"Of course," Edward replied. "I didn't expect them to stick around."

Contrary to what others had expected of him, Edward was calm and as functional as he could be. He tried to keep himself focused on the tasks at hand so he wouldn't have time to think about the mess he was in. His first task was to figure out how to rid himself of Jacob once and for all. Jenks was working hard on that. The second task was to find Ethan and Michael. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.

It was Dean who first realised something was wrong. Ethan and Michael had been assigned to keep an eye on Alexis and Bella, and when he tried calling them that night, he didn't get an answer. He'd called and called, but no one replied. He'd called Edward and told him something was wrong, and the two of them had gone to the house. By then it had already gone up in flames. All that was left was Bella frozen in horror and Alexis absolutely terrified. Never had Edward foreseen that Ethan and Michael would be working with Jacob. Not once had they let on that they were double crossing him. When they'd told him that Jacob had escaped from them, back at the hotel, with the help of hotel staff, he hadn't questioned them. There were very few people in this world Edward trusted, and they were two of them, but it seemed all his life those he trusted would always find a way to disappoint him. He knew it was what he deserved.

Even if he did find Ethan and Michael, Edward wasn't sure what he could do. It might be better to just let that issue go for now and turn his attention to more important matters at hand.

"Have you heard anything from Jenks?" Edward asked. He'd been waiting for him for almost forty-five minutes.

"Yes. He said he was running a few minutes late and would be here soon."

Edward glanced at his watch for a moment. He'd promised Alexis that he would take her out for lunch today at midday which left him only fifteen minutes to speak with Jenks. He'd rented a room on the same floor as Bella and Alexis, so as to be near them if they needed him, so it was there he waited for Jenks to arrive.

Bella had barely spoken a word to him since that first night. She only responded to his questions with one worded answers. She was mostly on the phone when Edward stopped by to take Alexis for a few hours or her mind always seemed far away, and that worried him. It usually meant she was planning something. Edward had asked Alexis if she knew what Bella was doing or to whom she was speaking to all the time, but Alexis said she didn't.

Edward knew he shouldn't be surprised by the drastic turn their relationship had taken. Really, it was a common occurrence by now. One minute everything was going fine, and the next, it went up in flames. One minute he was blissfully and euphorically flying towards the sun; the next moment he was falling to his demise. This must be how Icarus felt as he plunged towards the sea. That falling sensation was all too common for Edward.

Just as Edward was about to tell Dean to call Jenks again, there was a knock on the door. After Dean had opened it, Jenks walked in flushed and sweaty.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he said as he took a seat opposite to Edward. "The roads are a mess, what with the snow and all. I was stuck in traffic for almost an hour. I almost ran out of gas." Pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket, Jenks dabbed his face with it.

"Doesn't matter. Do you have any good news to tell me?" Edward asked. He was eager to get this over with.

"As a matter of fact I do," Jenks said, resting his briefcase on the table. "There may be a way to get Jacob off your back."

"How?"

"Give him what he wants," Jenks replied simply.

Edward just watched him. Surely there had to be more to it. "Explain," he said.

"Did you know Carlisle had a very large tax debt? That he paid people to shake up his books, and just before he died, the government started to realise that the numbers didn't add up?"

No, Edward did not know that, but it didn't surprise him.

"It seems debt collectors have been sniffing around Carlisle's estate, and they have been discovering just how unsavoury his business is. They were planning on filing for back taxes just before he died, and a little birdie told me that the feds have gotten involved. They just need time to close in."

"Really? All that illegal activity, and the one thing they have him on his taxes? He's Al Capone minus the charity work."

Jenks shrugged. "Carlisle was really good at covering up his dirty secrets, and once they figured out what he was up to, they just needed a way to take him out. Taxes were their best bet."

"Does anyone know that Carlisle passed the business on to me?"

"You never signed for it, so no. It's still sitting there stagnant."

"How close are they to uncovering what Carlisle did?" Edward asked. He was beginning to see Jenks' plan.

"Pretty close."

Edward thought about it for a moment. If he gave Jacob the business that he so desperately wanted, it would put him right in the middle of the heat when all the dirt was exposed. It would be best to let the federal government deal with him.

"How soon can you set up the transfer?" Edward asked.

"I had to do some editing in Carlisle's will as well as some arm twisting because he specifically said to give it you, but the documents are ready to be signed. I just need Jacob there."

Edward did not like the idea of having to come face to face with his half brother again, but if it meant getting him out of his life for good, he was willing to take the risk.

"You'll have to find Jacob then," Edward said.

"That shouldn't be too hard. Once he knows what he'd be getting, he will be foaming at the mouth."

That was true. If he could keep Jacob ignorant long enough to accept the trap, this whole thing would be settled really soon.

Glancing quickly at his watch again, Edward saw that he only had a few minutes until he was to get Alexis. It wasn't difficult to spot that what had happened at the house had affected Alexis greatly. She was seemingly more afraid now and would often thrown tantrums when Edward had to leave her, or she would cry suddenly for Bella, and nothing Edward could do would calm her down. He knew if he was even a minute late, she would be upset.

"I have somewhere to be now," he told Jenks.

"Already? I think I spent more time getting down here than I actually did here."

"You're the one who was late, so that isn't my fault." Edward was already standing to leave.

"True," Jenks replied as he slowly stood and grabbed his briefcase. Jenks was moving too slow.

"Really, I have to go now. Dean will see you out," Edward said, and then without another glance, Edward walked out of the room.

When he knocked on Bella and Alexis's hotel door moments later, it was precisely twelve. It was Alexis who answered the door.

"You're late," she said with a pout.

Edward smiled a little as he showed her his watch. The minute hand and hour hand were still on twelve. The second hand was almost at seven. "It's twelve now."

Alexis studied his watch for a second before she said, "The fast moving hand is after twelve. So you're still late."

She had him there.

"When did you get so smart?"

Alexis just shrugged.

"Where's your mom?" he asked.

"She's on the phone again."

Edward pushed open the door a little and walked in. Bella was indeed on the phone, and whoever it was that she was talking to seemed to be stressing her out. She was rubbing the side of her head as though she had a headache. She looked up when she realised someone was watching her.

"Hold on," she said briefly into the receiver. "Yes?"

"I'm taking her out now," Edward said.

Bella just nodded at him before going back to whomever she was speaking to. Edward wanted to ask what was wrong, but he knew that was a stupid question. Everything was wrong. He just nodded back to her before he and Alexis headed out the door.

Not wanting to take Alexis far, they went to a restaurant just down the street. It was a plain restaurant and not overly crowded, but it served chicken nuggets so Alexis was fine with it. Conversation was random with Alexis. She spoke of what she'd done with Bella since the last time he'd seen her, what she'd seen on the television and of the bird that was on the railing outside their room. Spending time with Alexis had always been a chance to step away from all of the difficulties that had been plaguing his life. Unfortunately, sometimes those difficulties had a habit of slipping into his oasis of calm.

"How come you and Mommy don't like each other?" she asked suddenly, catching Edward completely off guard.

"What makes you think that?" he asked, wanting to stall for a few moments so he could think of an answer.

"I don't know," she replied, but Edward could tell that wasn't true. Alexis was very much aware of the tension between him and Bella, and she had made her own conclusions.

"Your mom and I don't dislike each other," Edward said, though he wasn't a hundred percent sure that was true. He knew his feelings, but Bella's were still a bit of a mystery. "It's just a really complicated time right now."

"Complicated?" Alexis asked. Edward knew she wouldn't understand what he meant, but he didn't know how else to phrase it. He didn't want to scare her, but he wanted to state it in such a way that she'd understand. "Is that why Mommy and I are leaving? Because of the complicated?"

"Leaving?"

"Yeah. Mommy said to someone on the phone that we would be leaving the hotel soon, and she wanted us to be out of there as soon as possible."

Edward hadn't known anything about that. He'd had Dean and Hunter assigned to Bella and Alexis after Ethan and Michael had left. Bella knew they were there, so he wondered if she was planning to give them the same slip she did in Chicago and run again. His first thought was to prevent that from happening. So long as Jacob was out there, neither she nor Alexis were safe. It made him think that if Jenks' plan worked out, the Jacob barrier would be gone. What reason did that leave him then for preventing her from leaving? Nothing. He was slowly losing his hold on her.

"If we leave, does that mean I won't see you again?" Alexis asked suddenly.

"Of course not. No matter what happens, if ever you need me, I will always be there for you."

"Not if Mommy and I go far away," she pointed out.

"Not even then," Edward promised. He was willing to let Bella call the shots on a lot of things, but one thing he refused to let her do was keep him from seeing his daughter. If it had to come to it, he was willing to let his and Bella's relationship go, but he wouldn't do that with Alexis.

"Lexi," Edward said after a moment. "The truth is things between your mom and I aren't good right now. There was a time when we were great friends, but a lot has changed since then."

"Is it because of me?" she asked in a soft voice. The tears in her voice broke him.

"No, it isn't because of you," he said quickly. "This is just between your mom and me. I promise you it isn't your fault."

Alexis had been sitting opposite to him at the table, but Edward quickly got up and went around the table to sit beside her. He and Bella had gotten so caught up in their own problems they'd neglected to remember how deeply this affected Alexis as well. It reminded Edward of his own childhood. His parents had been so caught up in their own strife they neglected to see it was affecting their sons.

Edward really didn't know what else to say to reassure Alexis, so he tried instead to distract her by buying her whatever salty and sugary thing she wanted. By the time they arrived back at the hotel room, Alexis had crashed completely from her sugar rush. Edward carried her into the bedroom and laid her down while Bella waited out in the living room.

Unlike the other times, Edward didn't leave right away. Instead, he sat opposite to her. Bella looked tired and worn out. She didn't say anything as her eyes lifted to his.

"Alexis has been asking about what's happening," he said. "She asked me today if it was her fault."

Bella didn't seem surprised. "I know. She's been asking me as well."

"Why didn't you tell me so we could handle this together?"

"You've been busy." Even Bella's voice sounded tired.

Edward shook his head. "I'm never too busy when it comes to something to do with her. I know you and I have our issues, but regardless, she's still our daughter. Mine as much as yours. Even if things between us are strained now, we do still have a responsibility to co-parent."

Bella didn't respond this time, so Edward didn't know if that meant she agreed with him or not.

"She also told me that you were leaving the hotel soon."

Bella's eyes widened ever so slightly. It seemed that was something she didn't want him to know.

He knew he had to act fast if he wanted to keep her and Alexis safe. "I know you're itching to get out of this hotel and away from me, but please, all I ask is that you give me time to get rid of this problem with Jacob. Just let me do that and then I'll take you and Alexis wherever you want. I'm afraid that if you run now, you and Alexis may end up getting hurt in the process. I know I can't really stop you if you are determined to go— you've proven that in Chicago and in Forks— so I'm trying to compromise with you now. Just give me until the end of the week."

It was silent for a few minutes as Bella seemed to think over his proposal. "I wasn't planning on running," she finally said. "Alexis and I can't live in a hotel forever, so I was looking for something I could rent in the mean time while I search for a job."

"Search for a job?" Edward asked, confusion written all over his face.

Bella just looked at him. Then realisation dawned.

"You found out," he stated. "How?"

"It doesn't matter how. All that matters is I didn't hear it from you."

"You don't have to look for a new job just because I own the company."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't," Edward insisted.

Bella let out an exasperated breath. "You don't get it, do you? The majority of our relationship has been one mess up after another. It's been a long time since we were ever in some comfortable place where we could actually trust each other. Things will go fine and then suddenly something will come along and mess everything up. Like now with your problems with Jacob. When that happens, I need to be able to stand on my own two feet while supporting Alexis and myself. I don't want to rely on you for anything, because when the shit hits the fan, I don't want to end up in the same position I was in when I left Chicago. I need to do this on my own and not have to rely on anyone. I need to find a job that is separate from you. One that won't be affected by all the messed up things between us."

Edward had to admit that she had a point. Though he would always support her and Alexis regardless of whether or not he and Bella were together, time had proven that no matter how hard he tried, things always seemed to spin out of control. If it gave her comfort to stand on her own, then he had to respect that.

"Okay. I'll leave you to it then, but if you ever need help, I'll be there." Edward stood and started towards the door. Then he remembered something else he'd told Alexis. He waited until Bella looked at him before he said what he had to say. "I know things between us are bad, and you probably want me out of your life, but I promised Alexis that regardless of how messed up things get between us, that I will always be there, and I intend to keep that promise. Even if it means I have to follow you two to the ends of the earth. I lost you. I can't lose her too." Then, without waiting for a reply, Edward left her alone.

A few days later, Jenks informed him that Jacob had responded to his offer and had agreed to meet with Edward and Jenks to discuss the transfer. It was the day before Christmas Eve, and Edward just wanted this whole thing to be over. He'd left Dean and the rest of his security posted outside Bella and Alexis's door. If Jacob was pulling some stunt, he needed for them to be protected at all times.

He asked Jenks to set up the meeting with Jacob in one of the hotel's conferences rooms. They arrived a few minutes early to go over the plan, though there wasn't much to go over. It was a bread and circuses deal, and Jacob was desperate and vindictive enough to fall for it.

They were supposed to meet at three, but Jacob didn't walk in until thirty minutes after the scheduled time. On either side of him, he was flanked by Michael and Ethan. From the smug look on Jacob's face, he believed he'd won. Before sitting opposite to Edward, Jacob stuck out his hand as if to shake Edward's. Edward just stared at it, knowing full well that if he reached out to shake Jacob's hand, he'd probably end up twisting it until it broke. After several seconds passed, and Edward hadn't accepted his gesture, Jacob just shrugged, unaffected, and took his seat.

"Great seeing you, brother. How's it been? How are my niece and sister-in-law?"

Jacob was baiting him, wanting to get a reaction. Edward just took a deep breath to stop himself from retaliating. Odds were Jacob wanted Edward to lash out at him. Edward and Jenks were outnumbered, and nothing would please Jacob more than to see Michael and Ethan beat Edward to a pulp.

Jenks coughed slightly to gain everyone's attention. He could feel the tension in the room.

"So, Jacob, from my email you will know that— "

"Edward finally realised that he's not the prodigal son and I deserve Carlisle's business," Jacob said, cutting across Jenks.

"That Edward has decided to reject ownership of Carlisle's business and all its assets and give it to you," Jenks said, ignoring Jacob's earlier remarks.

"What made you change your mind?" Jacob asked, directing his question to Edward.

"I need you to leave me alone, and what better way to do that than to give you want you want," Edward said simply.

Jacob bought it. "So where do I sign?"

"Here," Jenks said, pointing to the bottom of the page. "I'd emailed your lawyer a copy of the document, and he was supposed to go over it with you. Did he?"

"Yes, yes," Jacob replied, brushing off Jenks' question as he signed his name quickly on the dotted line. After signing in a few more places, Jacob gave Edward a smile which Edward did not return.

"That's it," Jenks said, taking the papers. I'll just make a copy for you and fax a copy as well to Peter. If you'll excuse me, I'll just head over to the hotel's office and get that done." He stood up and quickly left the room. He seemed just as eager as Edward to have this done with.

When the door closed behind him, Jacob turned to Ethan and Michael and said, "Can you leave us for a minute? I would like to talk to my brother alone."

They gave him a brief nod before following Jenks out the door. When the door closed behind them, Edward just watched Jacob as he waited for him to speak first.

"What? No anger or resentment that I took Carlisle's business from you?" Jacob asked.

"I couldn't care less about Carlisle's business, or you for that matter."

"He's probably turning in his grave right now. His bastard son taking control instead of his favourite son."

Edward snorted. "I was not Carlisle's favourite son," Edward said with disgust.

"That's what you think, but you were." He looked at Edward silently for a minute. "You and I are a lot alike, you know."

"I doubt that."

"You can deny it all you want, but we are. I don't mean in our callousness and disregard for other people." Edward's eyes narrowed at him. "I mean in our upbringing."

Edward was not aware of much of Jacob's childhood, and it wasn't something he was interested in either way, but Jacob didn't seem to know or care about that.

"You think you and your brothers are the only Cullens who had a fucked up childhood, or did you forget that Carlisle was the bane of my existence as well?"

"Carlisle was abusive to your mother?" Now Edward was interested. He didn't know much of what went on between Jacob's mother and Carlisle besides the obvious fact that it resulted in Jacob.

"Not physically. He destroyed her mentally," Jacob sneered, disgust in his voice. "My mother was so damn love struck for Carlisle that she'd go into depression for days when he was away. She actually blamed me for why he was always gone. She blamed me for why he didn't want to be with her. It was why he moved us closer to your house. She snapped one day and threatened to kill herself if he didn't move in with us. Apparently, I wasn't enough for her to want to stick around. He just moved us closer to shut her up." There was violence and anger in Jacob's eyes now. Who exactly they were directed to, Edward didn't know.

"It still wasn't enough for her," he went on. "She had to have him, but he refused to leave that bitch Esme. I don't even know why she wanted him. He was worthless, and all he ever talked about was you." His eyes narrowed at Edward now. It made Edward realise that they'd gotten to the root of the problem.

"Every damn night he came over, all he ever talked about was you. How he was going to give you everything. How you were going to continue his legacy. Bullshit. Even when my mother finally offed herself, and Carlisle brought me to live with you all, he still ignored me. Your mother hated me, and your brothers terrorized me. I already knew I was the bastard son without your family needing to rub salt into the wound."

"So you're blaming me because of what they did? How they treated you?" Edward finally asked. "You kidnapped my daughter, caused an explosion in my building and burned down my wife and child's house because of how my father, mother and brothers treated you? That's bullshit, Jacob."

"Sins of the father shall be thrust onto the son," Jacob said with a shrug, undeterred by Edward's words. "Or in this case, sins of the father, mother and brothers are on the son. Well, that's all water under the bridge now. What's done is done."

Jenks walked in then, slightly out of breath, with several papers in hand. "I'm sorry this took so long. The printer was jammed. Well, here you go." He handed Jacob a copy of the contract already in a folder. "I'll just hold on to the original."

"It was a pleasure doing business with you, brother," Jacob said as he took the folder from Jenks. "Maybe next time we won't have to go to such drastic measures to get you to give me what I want."

"Maybe next time you die in a car crash on your way here," Edward replied.

Jacob shot him a dirty look before he walked out of the room, slamming the door as he went.

"Well, I'm glad that's over," Jenks said with a sigh of relief.

"So am I."

"Well, Mr. Cullen, if that is all, I think I'll head home now. I'm in need of a drink, and I want to get out of here before this weather gets any worse," Jenks said.

Edward's thoughts drifted away from Jacob to Bella and Alexis. It reminded him of something else he'd wanted to accomplish while he had Jenks here.

"Actually, Jenks, there's something else I need you to do."

* * *

><p><strong>Several chapters ago, I'd addressed the question regarding whether or not this story will have a HEA. I'd said then that I wasn't sure. I wish I could say all these chapters later a definite yes or no, but unfortunately, I can't. <strong>

**To me, HEA is such an odd thing. My definition of a HEA is a story in which the main character doesn't die. To me, it doesn't mean that the couple end up together but more that they reach a state in which they are content with where they are. That can be either together or separate from each other. **

**Does that make sense? I'm confusing myself now. **

**Thank you to kitchmill, StoryPainter and wime09. **


	34. Better Off

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

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><p><em><strong>"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something."<strong>_

_**- Elizabeth Gilbert**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 33<strong>

**Better Off**

"Lexi, let her sleep for a little bit more," a voice said. Bella barely recognized the voice as Renee's.

"But it's morning. She has to wake up." Something began poking Bella on the cheek. "She has to see what Santa brought."

"The presents will still be there when she wakes up later," Renee said just as the poking stopped.

"Yes, but the sun is up, so Mommy has to be up too," Alexis replied.

In Bella's groggy state, she began to wonder if she stayed still enough, if Alexis would think she was dead and leave her alone. As her mind began to clear from the fog of sleep, she realised that wasn't going to happen. Odds were, Alexis would just drag her body into the living room to see what was under the Christmas tree. Sure enough, the poking started again.

"Okay, I'm up," Bella said without opening her eyes. It was silent for a few minutes before Alexis's voice broke it.

"You're not moving so you're not up."

Opening one eye, Bella peeked up at her. A smile broke out on Alexis's face at that. "Merry Christmas," she said.

Bella eyed her for a moment before she smiled slightly. "Merry Christmas. Now will you give me a moment?"

"Okay," Alexis replied.

Bella closed her eyes, but she could sense that Alexis had not moved an inch. Groaning slightly, Bella finally sat up.

"Happy?" she asked.

Alexis nodded.

Twenty minutes later, Bella finally emerged into the hotel's living room where a bouncing Alexis and smiling Renee were waiting for her.

"I tried to keep her preoccupied for as long as possible," Renee explained.

"Thanks for trying, and Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." Renee walked forward and gave her a hug. When Bella was about to pull away, Renee held onto her just a little bit tighter. "I'm glad I get to spend this Christmas with you and Alexis," she whispered. Her voice quivered with emotion. When Bella pulled away, she saw that there were tears in her eyes.

"Come on, Mommy," Alexis called. "We have to open presents."

As Bella soon realised, when Alexis said they had to open presents, what she meant was Bella had to sit and watch while she opened everyone's presents including Bella's and Renee's.

It had been a mad dash for Bella after getting settled in Seattle to salvage Alexis's Christmas. Everything she'd bought to celebrate had been destroyed in the fire. The word around town was that faulty wiring had caused the blaze. It was the story Edward had bribed members of the fire department to believe, and it was the story Bella had told Renee. Even as she told her what had happened, Bella could see Renee did not fully believe her story. Maybe it was because of everything that had happened or maybe it was because Renee just knew her daughter, but either way, Renee knew something was wrong. Regardless, Bella could see getting Renee to leave again would not be easy.

While Alexis played with her latest noisemaker, Bella sat on the floor close by, her head pressed against the couch. Her eyes were closed so she didn't notice Renee sit beside her until she felt someone take her hand. It was then Bella opened her eyes.

"She really likes that toy guitar," Renee said, indicating where Alexis was tinkering with the buttons.

"She does. It was the last one. I'm glad I got it." As always, the appeal for that gift didn't last long, and before she knew it, Alexis moved to the next one.

"I'm really glad I can spend this Christmas with you and Alexis," Renee said again. "When you were gone, the first Christmas without you was a hard one. I kept hoping you'd walk through the door at any moment. I didn't care what you'd done or what had happened. I just wanted you back." She looked towards Alexis again.

"I often pictured what it would be like to celebrate another Christmas with you. I never pictured I would also get to spend it with my granddaughter."

"Christmases weren't easy before for Alexis and I either," Bella admitted softly. Renee's eyes widened ever so slightly at Bella's admission. "I wasn't making much so it took a lot of creativity. Actually, every day was a struggle to make ends meet. I could only afford one present a year."

"Edward?" Of course, Renee would ask about Edward. Edward's family had a lot of money so the obvious answer would be he would provide for Alexis, and by extension, Bella.

"Edward hasn't always been in the picture," Bella said slowly.

Renee nodded, and Bella could see she was burning with more questions, but she was afraid to push it. This was the first time Bella had actually spoken to her about what had happened during those lost years. Renee waited a moment to see if Bella would elaborate. When several moments passed without Bella going on, Renee sighed. It was something she had to come to terms with in their relationship. The fact that Bella would only speak of those lost years if and when she was ready, and not a moment before.

"What time is Edward coming for her?" she asked.

"Around twelve."

"Are you going with them?"

Bella paused only for a second. "No."

Bella looked back at Alexis, who was making a second round with her toys. The appeal of each only lasted for several minutes before she moved to the next. There were moments just like this, when Bella really looked at her, where Alexis looked so much like Edward. Looking at her now, Bella was reminded of the first time she'd seen her and those early days of motherhood.

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><p><em>The sharp pain in her stomach was keeping Bella awake late one night. It was dull now, compared to how it had been several hours ago, thanks to the pain relievers the nurse had given her. In her agitated state, the constant beeping of the machines was grinding on her nerves. She wanted so badly just to push the baby out and be done with it, but they'd told her it wasn't time yet. With her fists clenched in pain, Bella looked about the empty room. The ward was quiet now compared to how it had been a few hours ago. In order to distract herself from the pain, she tried to absorb herself in painful thoughts. <em>

_It had been four weeks since Mr. Clearwater had passed away and only two and a half since Mrs. Clearwater had tearfully told Bella she couldn't stay in the house where the memory of her husband was so strong. She'd made plans to move in with her sister out of state. Bella had assumed that meant she would have to leave, and already she had been dreading having to go out into the world again. Mrs. Clearwater had calmed those fears right away when she'd told Bella she was giving the house to her. Bella had refused it right away, but Mrs. Clearwater had insisted. She had moved out a few days later, and Bella was sad to see her go, especially after she'd made such a life changing decision. _

_A few days before Mr. Clearwater had died, Bella had gotten a response from the adoption agency who had found a potential family for the baby. Bella had met the family once, and as the social worker had promised, they were really nice and seemed very keen about the prospect of having a child. After talking with them for more than an hour, Bella had gone back to the agency to finalize the details. It was then she'd told the social worker she'd changed her mind. She wanted to keep the baby. _

"_Are you sure?" the worker had asked. _

"_No," Bella had replied. "I've not been sure of a lot of things these past several months, but I've made it somehow."_

_Looking back now, Bella had assumed that once she'd made the decision, she would find some sense of calm. The panic attack she'd had when she'd reached home that same day proved otherwise. Since then, there had been many moments where she'd wanted to call back to the agency and tell them she'd changed her mind, but she always stopped herself. _

_Lying there, Bella thought briefly about her child. Keeping the baby meant she would be inadvertently sealing a part of Edward to her for the rest of her life. It would be one thing if the child was living in some other state and Bella never had to see it, but now that she was keeping it meant every day she would have to live with the reminder of what had happened. She would have to live with the reminder of Edward. A tiny reminder who wouldn't have the slightest idea of the journey it took to get here and the journey still ahead of her. Every time Bella thought about the future, a chill ran through her body, so she tried not to do that._

_Almost nine hours later, Bella finally laid eyes on her child. A brown-eyed, black-haired bundle who probably couldn't understand why her mother looked down at her with a terrified expression while the nurses all smiled at her. Bella couldn't stop staring at the baby. It took her a while to realise that the nurse was asking her questions. _

"_Name?" the nurse asked. _

"_Alexis Emily," Bella responded, still unable to take her eyes off the baby. _

"_Father?" the nurse asked. _

_Bella just shook her head in response. The nurse gave her an understanding nod before she wrote a few more things down and was preparing to leave her. _

"_Now what?" Bella called out to her._

_She watched Bella with a confused look. "Well, a nurse will be in soon to take her to finish checking her, but she'll bring her back to you later."_

"_And then?"_

"_After a few days, you can take her home," the nurse replied patiently. _

_Bella's eyes seemed to widen at that. The nurse smiled sympathetically when she realised that was the source of Bella's fear. _

"_It will be okay," the nurse said. _

"_I don't know what I'm supposed to do from here on out," Bella said, her voice shaking slightly. _

"_Don't worry, dear," the nurse said as she opened the door to leave. "Most new parents don't." Then she closed the door and left them alone. _

* * *

><p>A knock at the door woke Bella abruptly from her sleep. Alexis had left some time ago to spend the rest of Christmas with Edward. The second she'd left, Bella had gone back to bed only to be awoken by the knocking.<p>

Stumbling to the door, Bella threw it open without checking who it was first. At the sight of her visitor, sleep vanished, and she was suddenly wide awake.

"If it's Edward you're looking for, he's not here," Bella said harshly.

Esme looked a little lost for words for a moment before she took a deep breath and spoke. "I actually came to see you," she said. Bella couldn't imagine why Esme would drive all the way out here just to see her, but she suspected the present tucked under Esme's arm had something to do with it. Surely Esme knew Bella wouldn't give Alexis any present from her. That Christmas present was going to meet the same fate as the birthday present.

"Well, I don't want to see you," Bella replied.

Bella made to close the door, but Esme caught it by the handle. "Please," she said. "I just want to talk. I know Alexis is with Edward right now, and I want to speak with you before he realises I'm here. He would be angry if he knew, but I just wanted to give Alexis a gift and speak to you."

"Esme?" a voice said from behind Bella. Turning, Bella saw Renee standing in the doorway to the living room.

"Mrs. Swan," Esme said with a small smile as she pulled her hand away from the doorknob. "How are you?"

"I'm alright." Renee did not return Esme's smile. She looked to Bella instead. "Bella, is everything okay?"

"Yes, Esme just passed by to say Merry Christmas," Bella replied while watching Esme.

"Please, just give me fifteen minutes. I promise I won't bother you after that," Esme whispered to her.

"You Cullens aren't known for keeping promises," Bella whispered back. Her better judgement told her to slam the door in Esme's face and walk away. This was the woman who put her through even more hell when she was already in a hellish situation in Chicago. There was nothing Esme could say that would change the way Bella felt about her, but at the same time, she was curious.

"Fifteen minutes is all I ask."

Bella watched her for a brief moment. Turning to Renee, she said, "I'll be right back."

Renee looked at her uncertainly. For the briefest of moments, the guilt Bella felt at how much at how much her mother had been kept in the dark came back to her. She hated keeping secrets from her mother, but the thought of telling her, and possibly hurting her even more, kept her silent.

"I'm not giving her that gift," Bella said as she reached around the door to get her jacket.

Esme seemed disappointed for a moment before she nodded. She tucked the gift further under her arm while Bella closed the door. It was only then she remembered Edward had posted security close to her room. As she suspected, one of Edward's security members, Hunter, was there. The fact that Edward didn't come barging out of his room to confront Esme meant he'd already taken Alexis out for the afternoon. Bella guessed that was why Esme had come to her now.

"Bella, can I speak to you privately for a minute?" Hunter asked.

"Okay," Bella replied hesitantly. She'd never really spoken to any of Edward's security. They were just there in the background. The only reason she'd agreed to them without a fight was because she would rather Alexis be protected. So she'd swallowed her pride about having a babysitter and reluctantly agreed.

Hunter led Bella a few feet away from Esme before turning to speak to her.

"I've alerted Edward about Esme's unexpected arrival," Hunter confessed. Bella wasn't surprised.

"He asked me to tell you that he had nothing to do with her being here, and you don't have to see her if you don't want to."

"Okay. Tell Edward that I chose to see her," Bella said. "I prefer to see her in private so I ask that you remain here."

Hunter looked at her uncertainly. "I advise against that."

"I'm not very good at taking advice, and I prefer to speak to Esme privately," Bella said. "So if you'll excuse me."

Turning, she headed towards the elevators with Esme close behind her. Esme gave her a curious look as they entered the elevator. Hunter didn't follow them in, but Bella didn't doubt he would still follow.

Bella and Esme rode in silence down to the hotel's lobby and out into the cold Seattle air. Just left of the hotel's entrance was a pathway that led out to the hotel's small garden. The garden was empty now, and it was secluded enough that no one would overhear them. They walked along the freshly shoveled path until they reached the furthest bench from the pathway. It was the only bench not covered in snow because of a small awning that had been placed over it. Esme sat first, and after a brief moment of hesitation, Bella sat beside her.

"You have my attention now, so talk," Bella said.

Esme seemed caught off guard for a moment, but then she seemed to gather her thoughts before she spoke.

"I know words can never erase all the pain I've put you through, but Bella, I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I have caused. I'm sorry for all the hurt I've put you through. I know these words can never make up for what I've done to you, how much I've hurt you, but for now, they are all I have to offer." Her voice broke off for a second before she started again. "I know you're angry and confused right now, but please know Edward loves you very much. He loves you so much, and it kills him every day knowing what he did to you. He's not like Carlisle at all. He loves you enough to see what he's done wrong and to know when it is time to let you go."

"Is that why you wanted to talk to me?" Bella asked. "To argue Edward's case?"

Esme saw her words did not move Bella one bit. "No, I just wanted you to know," Esme replied softly.

"I still don't know. I still don't understand. You made my already hellish life in Chicago even worse," Bella said, letting her feelings out. Esme's eyes widened slightly at her outburst, but Bella didn't care. "And I couldn't understand why. What did I ever do to you to make you hate me? Why did you treat me like shit when it was your son who brought me into that situation? Why? Why did you hate me?" Bella hadn't meant to, but she'd yelled the last part.

"Because you fought back," Esme finally yelled. Esme let out a sad sigh as her eyes brimmed with tears. When she looked back at Bella, there was sadness and regret on her face. "You fought back." Her voice was now a whisper. "You had the courage to do what I couldn't for more than twenty years. You have to understand that I knew. I knew what staying with Carlisle was doing to Edward, Jasper and Emmett. Carlisle didn't even want to be with me. He would have let me go too, but I chose to stay. I let love delude me into thinking everything would be alright. Now look what it caused. Emmett and Jasper are just like him, and Edward was for some time. I kept telling myself it wasn't my fault they were like that. I kept telling myself there was no other path. I had to stay with him because that is what you do with someone you love."

Bella watched as Esme took a ragged deep breath before she continued.

"And then I met you. You, who refused to put up with whatever Edward threw at you. I knew you loved him. From the very first time I saw you together, I knew you loved him and cared deeply for him, and I assumed you would take the same path I did. You'd stay with him because you loved him despite all he did to you, but you didn't. You chose to end it with him. Even when he pined for you and begged you to stay. You refused to sacrifice your own worth to be with him. And for the first time, I came face to face with my own ugliness. I saw that I did have another path, and I was just too weak to take it." Esme buried her face in her hands, and when her body began to shake slightly, Bella realised she was crying. At that moment, Bella didn't know what to do so she just sat there waiting.

After several minutes, Esme took a deep breath and looked up. Her eyes were wet, and there were tear stains on her cheek. She wasn't looking at Bella now. Her gaze was locked on something just across the yard. Following her gaze, Bella saw what she was looking at, or rather, who she was looking at.

Edward was making his way slowly towards them. Bella wasn't sure how long he'd been there.

"Edward," Esme said, standing to meet him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. There was no anger in his voice, just confusion.

"I'd wanted to speak to Bella and give Alexis her Christmas gift. I also wanted to see you."

Bella looked between them. She didn't think she should be privy to their conversation. Whether or not Edward wanted to speak to Esme no longer had anything to do with her.

"Where's Alexis?" Bella asked Edward.

"I dropped her upstairs with Renee."

Bella nodded, and then turning to Esme, she said, "I appreciate what you said, but for now, it doesn't change anything." Then she turned and left Edward to speak to his mother.

"Mommy, look at the doll Daddy bought me," Alexis said, running to Bella the moment she walked through the door.

"Oh, wow," Bella replied. It was one of those dolls Alexis had seen at a toy store and had wanted for quite a while. The problem was they were pretty pricey. Or at least, it was pricey for her.

There was another knock on the door then. The sound made Bella sigh.

"Why don't you go in the living room and finish playing with your toys. I'll come join you in a moment," Bella told Alexis, who nodded before going off.

When Bella opened the door again, it was Edward who stood just outside.

"I'm sorry about Esme," he said quickly. "I didn't know she would be here."

Bella just shrugged. She'd gotten used to her mother-in-law's unannounced presence by now.

"I've been meaning to give you this since earlier today," Edward said, holding out an envelope for her. "I just wasn't sure how to give it to you. I see now that sometimes the direct approach is best."

Bella opened her mouth to protest, but Edward cut her off. "Don't think of it as a Christmas gift. Just think of it as me wanting what's best for you."

Bella didn't know how to respond to that, so she just accepted the package.

"Do you still want to take Alexis for the rest of the day?" she asked, to which Edward nodded.

Bella called out to her. "Are you sure I'm staying with you this time?" Alexis asked as she walked towards Edward.

"Yes, I'm sure," he replied.

At that moment, there seemed to be so much Edward had wanted to say, but all he said was, "I'll see you tomorrow." He gave her one last sad smile before he and Alexis turned and went down the hallway.

Bella weighed the envelope in her hands as she closed the door. She quickly went to the bedroom to open it. Emptying the contents on the bed, she saw that there were stacks of papers. It took a few moments before her brain registered what she was seeing.

Stapled neatly together were the divorce papers. Edward had already signed his parts. All that was needed was just for her to sign her own name and date it. Bella's breath caught in her throat as she stared at the papers. It was then she noticed a small piece of paper on the first page of the document.

Attached by a paperclip, to the top, was a handwritten note from Edward.

It said,

"I'm sorry we didn't make it."

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><p><strong>This is not the end, but we're so very close to it. <strong>

**Endless thanks to Alice's White Rabbit, kitchmill and wime09. **


	35. Tainted Love

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go**

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><p><strong>"<em>Murderers are not monsters, they're men. <em>**

**_And that's the most frightening thing about them." _**

**_- Alice Sebold_**

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><p><strong>Chapter 34<strong>

**Tainted Love**

For Edward and Bella, the following year flew by in a blur of waiting for the divorce decree, attending state mandated seminars on the effects of divorce on children and attending mediations regarding custody of Alexis. Their mediator, Mrs. Mark, had also recommended they attend a couples' counseling session and while there, the counselor had asked them if they would like to work out their problems and stay together. Before Edward could answer, Bella had quickly answered in the negative. She pointed out that, other than Alexis, nothing positive came out of their marriage, and trying to save something that was built out of deception wasn't right. They both needed a clean break from each other, and the divorce was their chance to do that.

At the time, they'd even wondered whether or not to tell Alexis about the divorce, but then they figured it was best not to. Mainly because they doubted Alexis had even known they were married to begin with. Mrs. Mark had agreed with their decision, and she pointed out that having a set visitation plan might help Alexis gain some normalcy in her life. If they could still co-parent well, she need not be affected at all.

For a long time, Edward and Bella had been standing on uneven, unsure ground with regards to their relationship. Now they'd reached a point where they both understood where they were. Any sliver of a relationship had been severed, and they were now free to go their separate ways. The only requirement was that their lives remain parallel to each other so they could both raise Alexis.

During their divorce proceedings, Edward's lawyer had informed him that because Bella was out of work at the time and without a home, Edward could have fought for and won full custody of Alexis. Edward had fired the lawyer on the spot.

In the end, they'd both agreed on Bella retaining physical custody but them sharing legal custody. Edward had agreed not to put up a fight on it if Bella agreed to go to therapy as well. Mrs. Mark, who still didn't know the specifics of their relationship but knew it had been violent at one point, agreed. She pointed out that Edward wasn't the only one deeply affected by their past relationship, and by seeking help, Bella could work on coping with the trauma better and this would help her be a better parent to Alexis. Eventually, Bella had agreed to it, for which Edward was relieved. He never stopped blaming himself for what she'd suffered and continued to suffer because of him, and he was determined to help her get the support she needed.

For Edward, once the divorce had been finalized and all the details had been ironed out, it took a while to get used to the new arrangements. Under their new agreement, he didn't get to see Alexis every day so he was grateful for the times that he did. One of the first things he'd had done, during the initial process, was have his name entered onto Alexis's birth paper. He'd asked Bella why she didn't put his name on it in the first place. Her response was that legally she couldn't put his name on without his permission, but they both knew that wasn't the only reason. When Alexis was born, she'd been determined to keep him out of her life.

Alexis's last name had also been a small bump. Edward had wanted her to have his last name as well, while Bella thought it was too much. After some back and forth, they'd eventually agreed to have it hyphenated with both of their last names.

Late one Friday evening, Edward sat in his car at a park waiting for Bella to bring Alexis for his visitation. Bella and Renee were renting a house a little bit further from his house than where the previous house had been, and the park was a midway point for them.

It was just a few minutes after the scheduled time when Bella finally stopped alongside his car with Alexis.

"Hiya, Daddy-o," Alexis called when she saw him.

"Hi," he replied picking her up into a hug. "Are you ready for a fun weekend?"

"Yeah. I got a new movie we can watch." She held out the movie case for him to see.

"Oh great, another family film where everyone sings," Edward said as he read the title.

Looking up, he saw Bella waiting with Alexis's bag in her hands. Once she saw he was looking, she held it out for him to take.

"She has a slight ear infection and a cough. I packed the antibiotic and medicine in her bag," she said.

"Okay. I'll call her pediatrician if it gets worse."

After a quick goodbye, she drove away. That was how exchanges were between them. With couple's counseling over, their conversations only consisted of what the other needed to know about Alexis. It was another thing Edward had to get used to. The realisation that it really was over between them, and it was time to move on. As with everything else, that was easier said than done.

After buckling Alexis into her seat, Edward drove back to his house. Despite what he'd told her about having a fun weekend, Edward didn't actually have a lot planned for her, but the good thing about Alexis was just being able to stay with him for a few days was good enough.

"What do you want to do this weekend?" Edward asked as they walked through his front door.

"I don't know." She thought about it for a moment. "Can we go to the movies? I asked Mommy to take me, but she was busy at her new job and forgot."

"Oh. Okay, I'll take you. What movie is it that you wanted to see so badly?" Edward asked, walking behind her into the living room.

"The one with the fairies."

Edward wasn't familiar with it. "Lexi, do you know what your mom is doing this weekend?" Edward asked.

"Yeah. She said she had a lot of work to do," Alexis replied as she started taking the movie out of the case and putting it into the player.

Edward wanted badly to ask Alexis if Bella was still going out at night to see a friend, but he knew better than to push it. Alexis was not aware that her mother was dating, and if Bella didn't want to tell her, it wasn't his place to.

Several months before, Edward had made the discovery late one night when he'd stopped off at a diner to pick up dinner. He'd spotted her and the guy she was with, but she hadn't seen him. Edward had subtly asked Alexis about it, and she had said her mother went out some nights to visit a friend. He'd known asking Alexis about it was wrong, but a small part of him would always see them as being together. He'd realised that when shortly after their divorce had been finalised, he'd gone out on his first date with someone, other than Bella, since high school. It was a suggestion made by his therapist who thought it might help him with moving on. The relationship hadn't lasted long. He supposed that over time it would get easier, but for now he still couldn't look too far ahead.

The rest of the evening and the next day passed quietly, as Alexis and Edward watched the movie four times. Alexis's cough had gotten slightly worse, so Edward had opted to keep her indoors for the day. It was just after three in the afternoon when Edward's phone rang. It was Esme's number that came up. Edward contemplated whether or not he should answer it. During his hesitation, it stopped ringing. After taking a deep breath, he looked away from it, and just a few seconds later, it began ringing again. Alexis had fallen asleep on the couch, and the sound was causing her to stir.

"Hello?" he answered, walking out of the room and into the hallway so she wouldn't hear him.

"Edward, I'm sorry to bother you at home, but— " She paused.

"But what?" Edward asked. His relationship with Esme had not improved during the past year, and aside from sporadic meetings in town, he never spoke to her if he could avoid it.

"I just wanted you to know that Emmett was arrested last night," she said.

That caught Edward off guard. He hadn't spoken to either one of his older brothers since Carlisle's funeral.

"What did he do now?" Edward asked, though by the sinking feeling in his chest, he already knew. Anyone who'd spent time with their family already knew.

"He and Rosalie got into a fight again. She's in the hospital now, and from what I've been told, the doctors aren't sure she'll make it. I'm flying out tonight to see her. I know you and Emmett had your differences, but I thought you might want to know."

Edward let out a harsh breath as he passed his hand over his face. Hearing about Rosalie shouldn't have surprised him. This wasn't the first time they'd fought, but it was the first time he'd actually been arrested. Usually, Rosalie would beg the police to not take him away or she would refuse to press charges. No matter what Emmett did to her. Edward supposed this time was different. This time she wasn't able to cover for him.

"Thanks for letting me know," Edward told Esme.

"Are you going to see him?" she asked softly.

At first Edward was going to refuse. He and Emmett had not been on good terms so he couldn't find any reason as to why would he fly all the way out to Chicago to see him, but at the same time, he was still his brother, and if Rosalie survived, she would need all the support she could get.

"I don't know," Edward said in response to Esme's question.

"Okay, I'll talk to you soon then."

"Bye." Edward hung up before she could respond. It was always one thing after the other in his life.

For the rest of the day, Edward tried to push the information that Esme had shared with him out of his mind, but the more he tried, the more he found himself wondering whether or not he should go. He didn't know why he was considering travelling all the way to Chicago to see a brother he despised and a sister-in-law he wasn't close to, but something kept pulling at him and nagging at his thoughts. It was that feeling that led to him arranging a flight out to Chicago on Sunday night. That nagging feeling wasn't enough to pull him away from spending time with his daughter. Whatever was happening in Chicago could wait two more days until, according to the custody arrangement, he was supposed to drop Alexis back by Bella.

Much to Alexis's delight, they were able to go to the cinema, and when Edward met Bella at the park Sunday evening, she was still bouncing from having seen the movie.

"Mommy, I saw the fairy movie," she announced the moment she came out of the car.

Bella looked at her confused for a second, and then realisation dawned on her. "Oh right, we were supposed to see that last Tuesday. I'm so sorry, Lexi," she said.

"It's okay. Daddy took me."

Bella looked up at Edward and smiled slightly.

"How was it?" she asked him.

Edward was caught slightly off guard by her questioning him on something unrelated to Alexis.

"It was like all children's shows. Lots of colours, singing and always a happy ending."

"Guess I didn't miss much then. I'll see you Friday." Bella began stepping back to leave.

"Wait," Edward said. Turning to Alexis, he told her, "Alexis, why don't you go play on the slides for a bit so I can talk to your mom."

Alexis looked between her parents for a second before she ran off.

"I just want to let you know that I'll be gone for a few days," Edward said. "I'm hoping to be back by Friday in time to get Alexis. I already told her, but I just wanted to let you know in case of anything comes up."

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

"Not really. Emmett is in jail," he said. "He and Rosalie got into another fight. She's in a coma in the hospital, and they're not sure she'll make it."

Edward watched as Bella's eyes widened slightly. He knew that she and Rosalie hadn't been close during the duration of her stay in Chicago, but they had bonded somewhat over their similar situations.

"Are you going to bail him out or something?" Bella asked suddenly, her eyes narrowing slightly.

"Of course not. I guess I just want to speak with him. I don't know why, I just feel like it's something I need to do."

"Well, I guess that makes sense," Bella said as her gaze wandered over to Alexis.

"It does?"

"He's still your brother," she explained simply. "Family is a hard thing to break away from." She sighed sadly. "I hope Rosalie recovers."

"If you want I can call and let you know when I find out. I don't plan on staying longer than Thursday."

Bella smiled a small smile at him, and seeing that made his chest lighten just a little. "You can't anyway. Alexis's preschool graduation is Friday. She'll never let you rest if you miss it."

"I'll be back by then," he promised. Nothing would keep him away from that.

After another goodbye to her and Alexis, Edward returned home to pack.

Less than twelve hours later, Edward had arrived in Chicago and was on his way to the hospital where Rosalie was warded. He knew Esme would be there, as he had to call her earlier to ask which hospital he needed to go to, so the entire drive there, he mentally prepared himself to see her. When the car stopped in front of the hospital, he still wasn't ready.

Edward disliked being in hospitals. It was impossible not to be affected by the smells in the air and the people milling around. Whether they were nurses hardened by what they'd seen or family members seeking solace in each other during their difficult time, it always left him with a harsh realisation of his mortality.

Rosalie was warded in the intensive care unit, and just as he predicted, Esme was there when he arrived. She was the only one there, which Edward found odd. He'd assumed that someone from Rosalie's family would be there. It was only then that he realised that he wasn't sure if Rosalie had any family. Emmett had kept her on a tight leash so it wouldn't have surprised him if he'd kept her isolated from her family like he'd done to Bella.

Esme smiled slightly when she saw him, but Edward wasn't looking at her. This wasn't the first time he'd seen the damage Emmett could cause. It was Rosalie's bruises that had snapped him back to reality back in Chicago and made him realise what he had been doing to Bella. So what he saw shouldn't have surprised him, but it did. Edward could hear the beeping of the machines and see the contraption that was keeping her alive. With the bruises and lacerations on her face, Edward hardly recognized her. This was what his brother had done. It reminded Edward of all the grievances the Cullen men had caused women over the past decades. From Esme to Rosalie to Alice to Bella. Cullen men should be locked up somewhere far away.

"Why don't we talk outside?" Esme said softly. Edward had forgotten she was in the room. Looking at her now, he could see she knew how much seeing Rosalie like that was affecting him.

He nodded and turned to exit out of the room. Once outside, he collapsed into one of the hard plastic chairs just opposite of Rosalie's door. Esme came out a few seconds later and sat beside him.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Just peachy," he replied sarcastically. He didn't come there to discuss his emotions. "Emmett's first appearance and bail hearing would have been this morning. Do you know how it went?"

"He was remanded into custody. They believe he is a flight risk."

Edward was pleased to hear that. "Have you seen him?"

Esme shook her head. "I can't face him. It's a miracle I can even face Rosalie, but the hospital hasn't been able to contact any of her family so I came. But seeing her and him, I can't help but blame myself. All of this is happening, because I was too weak to leave Carlisle." Edward watched as she wiped tears from her eyes. He wasn't the only one carrying a heavy burden from their past. She looked at him then. "I can never tell you how sorry I am. I know that it was hard for you growing up, having to see what you saw. I'm sorry I didn't protect you from it."

Edward didn't know what to say to that. For the past two years, he'd been the one apologising so it was odd having someone else apologise to him.

"What's the prognosis on Rosalie?" he asked, not wanting to dwell on that topic. Today wasn't about him.

"They said we'll just have to wait and see if she improves. There was slight brain activity this morning, and they'll be running some more tests later." Her eyes went to the door to Rosalie's room as she added, "I can't do anything for Emmett, but I can at least stay here with her."

"Who's paying for her medical bills?" Edward asked, desperate to find any way to help her.

"I don't know," Esme responded. Edward could see that it hadn't occurred to her.

"I'll speak with the administrator and let them know I'll be paying for it. For however long she needs."

"Thank you," Esme replied. They were both seeking their own retribution for what they'd done, but for Edward, no amount of money could ever erase his sins.

The next day, Edward passed through the gates of the jail where Emmett was being held. When he was younger, Edward had imagined what it would be like to visit someone in prison. Back then, he'd assumed it would be Carlisle who would be in jail. His younger self used to imagine watching Carlisle through his jail cell as Esme told him that she was leaving him. In his imagination, Edward had felt no fear because Carlisle was locked up where he could never hurt them. He'd often imagined what it would be like to feel free from Carlisle's grip, and for Esme to finally stand up to his father. Edward was brought back to the present day the moment he passed through the metal detectors. He was suddenly older, and it was his brother he was visiting, not his father. There was no Esme at his side. He was alone.

As Edward sat in another hard plastic chair waiting for them to bring Emmett out, he watched the other families around him greet their relatives through the thick plexiglass. The only mode of communication was a telephone on the partition. There was a little girl who looked about Alexis's age smiling into the phone's receiver as she talked with a man. The child seemed oblivious to the place around her, and Edward briefly wondered what they had told her to help her to understand where she was, and why the man was behind the plastic wall. When Emmett eventually came out and took the seat on the other side of the partition, Edward thought about Alexis and for the first time, he realised that Emmett was Alexis's uncle. He'd seen his family as a separate entity or having no relation to his daughter. To Edward, he'd seen Alexis as being more a part of Bella's family than of his. For a moment, he wondered how he would explain everything to Alexis should hard questions come up.

Emmett picked up the handset on his side the same time Edward did.

"I'm surprised to see you here," Emmett said. "I thought you were too busy with your new life in that piss stain town to give a shit."

"I'm not surprised to see you here," Edward responded. "You never could keep your hands to yourself."

"None of us Cullen men seem to be able to. I'm just the one who got caught. If there were any justice in the world, you, Carlisle and Jasper would be right in here with me."

Edward didn't even bother to deny it, because it was true.

"Aren't you going to ask about your wife?" Edward demanded.

When Emmett didn't answer, Edward spoke anyway. "She's still in a coma, and doctors only found slight brain activity. There's still a chance she could die."

"I already knew that," Emmett answered roughly. Edward searched his brother's face for some kind of remorse. For anything that showed he was even a little bit sorry for what he'd done. He didn't find any. Emmett was Carlisle's son through and through.

"What happened?" Edward asked.

"What are you, my defense lawyer?"

"No, I'm just trying to understand how exactly my ass wipe of a brother got here."

"You know what happened," Emmett said after a moment. "I beat her."

"I got that, but why did you go off on her this time? This is the first time she's been hurt so badly. What changed?"

Emmett looked at him for a second. "She told me she was pregnant."

Edward balked at his confession. "So you beat her? You're more of an ass than I thought."

Emmett scowled at him. "You might have no problem bringing another Cullen into this world, but I sure as hell don't want to."

Edward looked at Emmett in disbelief. Emmett was even more ruthless than Carlisle. He didn't think that was possible.

"Why are you really here?" Emmett asked, his eyes narrowing slightly.

Edward looked at him silently before he answered. "I guess I just wanted to see you. To see if you were still the living embodiment of Carlisle. I wanted to see if there was even an ounce of remorse in you."

"And?"

"You're just as ruthless as Carlisle."

"Don't act all high and mighty. Don't forget you were just like me." Then Emmett smiled. "I may have his ruthlessness, but you inherited his cunning personality. I heard about Jacob. Smart move letting him dig himself into that hole."

The last Edward had heard about Jacob, the FBI had caught onto him, and he was busy giving information on the Russians in his desperate attempt to avoid the maximum jail time. They'd questioned Edward about his involvement, but because Jenks had burned the original inheritance papers Carlisle had left, there was nothing linking Edward to Carlisle's business.

"Jacob had it coming," Edward said, defending himself quickly.

"Hey, I'm not accusing you. I've never liked that little bastard so what you did to him doesn't matter."

"Have you heard anything from Jasper?" Edward asked suddenly. There was still one brother left, and Edward hadn't heard from Jasper in quite some time.

Emmett raised one eyebrow at him. "Jasper's dead," he stated matter-of-factly.

"What? How? When?"

"Loser overdosed last year." Emmett seemed bored already with the conversation.

"Does Esme know?"

"No. I don't know why I was contacted when they found him, but apparently, Alice didn't want anything to do with him."

"Why didn't you tell Esme or me?"

Emmett laughed one hard laugh. "After Carlisle died, you and Esme sort of banded together in your own team. I figured neither of you would care. So I just had them cremate the body, and I tossed the ashes into the ocean. I didn't even stop my car." Emmett laughed at the memory.

"Five more minutes," the guard's harsh voice called.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye then, huh?" Emmett said. "I doubt I'll be seeing you around here again. Then again, you are a Cullen so I probably will."

"I'm not like you or Carlisle," Edward said.

"You'll always be a Cullen, brother. No matter how much you deny it."

"I don't deny it," Edward replied, his eyes narrowed and his determination resolved. "But that doesn't mean shit to me. Cullen is just a word, don't blame it for what you did."

"Time's up," the guard called.

"Goodbye, Edward," Emmett said as he stood up and left.

Edward watched him go. There was nothing else left to be said.

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><p><strong>Thanks to kitchmill, JulieToo and wime09 for all their help with this chapter. <strong>


	36. One More Time

**Synopsis:**

**After a forced marriage filled with violence, Bella escapes from Edward with their unborn child. Almost four years later, Edward has found her and their daughter and he refuses to let them go.**

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><p><strong>"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about." <strong>

**- Haruki Murakami**

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><p><strong>Chapter 35<strong>

**One More Time**

Saturday morning found Bella the same place she'd been for the past several Saturdays: in her therapist's office. At first, Bella had been reluctant to seek therapy. She'd only agreed to it because she'd wanted to retain physical custody of Alexis. She did see the benefit of it, but being expected to open up about issues that she'd buried so deep within herself made her feel naked and vulnerable. There were only a handful of people who knew Bella's story, and what they knew was only part of it. Speaking of that buried past, after all this time, was very much like unburdening, but after carrying the weight for so long, Bella felt a sense of loss at being rid of it. The pain and anger was all she knew. It was what she was accustomed to.

But Bella found, over time, it wasn't as bad she'd initially thought. Mrs. Baker, her therapist, had promised that they would go as slow as Bella needed and that she didn't have to talk about anything she didn't want to. Bella had kept to that idea, and while she'd divulged about her and Edward's violent relationship and her escape from Chicago, she'd kept quiet about certain things. There was only so much she could speak of. Some memories, like her captivity and Carlisle's illegal business, she preferred to keep buried deep within and never speak of again.

While Edward was often the main topic of their discussion, Bella found herself speaking of Alexis more and more lately. Even after all these years, Alexis was still an anomaly in Bella's life.

"It's not that I don't love her; it's more that she was never my wish. I never saw myself as a mother, and every time I look at her, it's like she's a puzzle piece that doesn't fit into the overall picture I have in my head," Bella explained.

"That overall picture you have, what is it of? What do you see in it?"

Bella shrugged. "The same thing I saw when I was just a school kid in Florida. Me achieving my dreams."

Mrs. Baker nodded in understanding. "Okay. If you could picture the picture that is your life now and look at it side by side with the picture of what you wanted, which of the two do you think you'd go for?"

Bella thought about it for a moment. She thought of the life she'd wanted, one that didn't include Alexis, and she thought of the life she had that did include Alexis.

"I would choose the life I have now," she said after a moment. "Because it includes Alexis, and I can't imagine a life where she doesn't exist."

"Is that the only reason?"

"That I could think of, yes."

Mrs. Baker got a thoughtful look on her face before she spoke. "What about the two Bellas? The Bella you were in Florida and the Bella you are in Forks? Which of these two would you rather be?"

Bella thought about it silently again. While she did, sometimes, yearn for the childish naivety that came with her school years, Bella couldn't help but remember just how much she'd learnt about herself these past several years. When she'd been living in Florida, she'd always had someone to rely on. She always had the path made for her. All that changed when Edward had taken her. She remembered how she'd once compared herself to a bird that had been kicked out of its nest and was expected to learn to fly while plummeting to the ground. She hadn't noticed that she had learned how to fly after all.

"I would choose the Bella I am now," she said, answering Mrs. Baker's question. "Maybe it's time I gave up that old dream," Bella said softly.

"Is that something you want?" Mrs. Baker asked gently.

"Yes." There was no waiver or hesitation in Bella's voice when she answered.

"Even though we can't always change our situation, we can change the way we react to it. If you want, there are several things you can do to help you let go of the things you no longer want to hold onto."

"Like what?"

"Well, some clients might write down the qualities or personalities they want to get rid of on a piece of paper, and they would rip it up, signifying the end of their old habits. Others choose to get rid of old items they have that reminded them of their past or the person they were. To them, it signifies the shedding of old pain and embracing a new life."

"Like my wedding band?" Bella asked. In one of the initial sessions, Bella had mentioned to Mrs. Baker that, despite the years apart and the divorce, she still had the wedding band Edward had given to her on their wedding day. After the fire, when Bella had returned to the house to assess the damage and recover whatever items were still salvageable, she'd been shocked to find that the wedding band was still there. Her initial thought at seeing it was of shock and anger. She couldn't understand how everything else had fallen apart but that had survived. Even Alexis's stuffed bear had burned in the fire. Despite these feelings, she'd still kept it, and it was currently tucked in a drawer in her new bedroom.

"Yes, like the wedding band," Mrs. Baker said, answering her question. "If you're ready, you can rid yourself of it and see it as ridding yourself of whatever past you no longer want to interfere with your future. The good thing is you get to choose what you want it to symbolise. What aspects of your life you want to hold to and let go of."

"That's a lot to take in." Bella could feel herself getting slightly overwhelmed with all the information she was receiving. Mrs. Baker could see that much by the look on Bella's face, so she suggested they end their session early that day.

It was a long drive home for Bella, which allowed her sufficient time to think about what Mrs. Baker had said. Her mind seemed to be going a hundred miles an hour and wasn't slowing down long enough for her to think. When she arrived at the house more than an hour later, she was still unsure about what she wanted. Renee was sitting on the bench swing outside when Bella walked up, and Bella could see the slight look of relief on her face. After everything that had happened, Renee always seemed to be on edge whenever Bella was gone. Life had taken on a new type of normal after the fire and divorce, and this new way of life was something they were both getting used to.

The house they were renting at the moment was larger than the previous one. The bench swing had come with the house, and it was an added feature that Alexis loved. Bella had been able to find a new job as an office administrator at a community hospital, which allowed her to put her degree to work while not being in close contact with blood. These new variations of normal that she constantly had to get used to were making Bella dizzy. If there was one thing she'd learnt, it was that these states of normal were only a temporary thing, and at some point, things were going to change, and she would have to, again, learn how to adapt or perish in that new normal.

Taking a seat beside Renee on the bench, Bella folded her legs beneath her so Renee would be the one pushing them back and forth. Sometimes it felt nice to just sit back and let other people do the work.

"How was your session?" Renee asked.

Other than Edward, Renee also seemed relieved that Bella was getting help. She knew there was a lot Bella was dealing with, and for her, if Bella wouldn't talk to Renee about it, she was happy Bella was talking to someone. Even if she couldn't help her daughter, it gave her some comfort to know there was someone out there who could.

"It was good. A lot of insight," Bella replied, knowing full well that Renee wouldn't understand what she was talking about. No matter how much Bella tried, she could never divulge to Renee what had happened, and Renee had never pushed her on it. They were both healing from everything, and it was an understanding between them that each day would be taken one step at a time. Though Bella knew Renee would always wonder the reason behind those lost years.

"Can I ask you something?" Bella asked.

"You know you can ask me anything."

Bella thought over her question carefully before she asked it. "Do you have any regrets?"

Renee looked at her, confused. That was not the question she had expected.

"I meant in your life," Bella explained. "Do you have any regrets?"

"Yes and no," Renee replied. At that moment, Bella couldn't help but notice how much older her mother looked. Bella wasn't the only one whom time had a large effect on. Both she and Renee had aged beyond their years. "There are some areas of my life I do wish I'd done differently, but at the same time I can't say I have regrets. I just see each as a learning experience. If I had to do it all over, I don't know if I would have done it differently. I've survived what I thought was hard. I can't say I would have survived if it had been any other way."

Bella nodded in understanding. It was an interesting way of looking at things.

"Is there a specific reason why you're asking this?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm just having a hard time deciding what I want to do with some parts of my life."

"Is it that you don't know what to do or that you're afraid of what you want to do?" Renee asked.

"I guess it's more that I'm afraid of what I want," Bella admitted. "I'm afraid I shouldn't want it."

"Why?"

Bella didn't know how to answer that.

Renee took Bella's hand in hers before she spoke again. "I don't know exactly what it is you're referring to, so I can't give any specific advice, but the thing is, you have to remember that at the end of the day, it is your life. You don't have to feel any obligation to do anything or be a certain way for anyone. You know what is best for you. Once what you're doing isn't hurting anyone, and you are prepared to deal with whatever consequences arise, just do whatever you feel is best."

"I don't believe in myself enough to do that," Bella said, speaking so softly she wondered if Renee had even heard her.

"I believe in you." When Bella looked at Renee, she saw that Renee was smiling at her. "That's why I've never pressured you to tell me what happened. I know you. I know that you will do what is best for you and Alexis, and no matter what I trust your judgement. I will always wonder, but I trust you enough and love you enough to always have faith in your decisions."

Bella had to blink back tears from her eyes at Renee's words. "Thank you." Renee reached over and hugged her, and Bella found herself trusting her own judgement just a little bit more.

When they pulled away after a few moments, Renee looked up at the sky. "I promised I'd go down and help at the shelter for a few hours this afternoon; will it be alright if I left you?" Renee asked.

"Sure. There are a few things I have to do today anyway," Bella said.

Several minutes later, after Renee had gone inside to get ready, Bella went into her room and looked under her bed for the wooden box that held the wedding band. It was in the exact same spot in the box as it was the last time she'd seen it. Without thinking about it too much, Bella placed it in her pocket before heading out the door to her truck.

As she drove into La Push, Bella thought more and more about what Mrs. Baker had said. She thought about the ring in her pocket and what she wanted it to symbolise for her as she made the decision to let it go.

The beach was relatively empty when Bella arrived at. There were just a few surfers and families scattered about. After getting out of her truck, Bella walked barefooted down to the shore's edge. The water was cool as it passed over her feet. Taking the wedding band out of her pocket, Bella held it between her fingers for a few moments as she took in the designs for the first time in years. Looking back out at the wide expanse of ocean, Bella thought about the parts of her life she wanted to rid herself of and what she wanted to keep.

Whenever she thought about the long and difficult journey she had taken to arrive where she was today, Bella couldn't believe she had actually survived. She thought about her life in Florida before Edward and her life with Edward. She thought about everything that had happened in Chicago and everything that happened between Chicago and Forks. She thought about everything that had happened in Forks. She thought of the people she'd met, and all those that had helped her through her difficult journey. She knew she would never be able to fully repay them for all they had done, but she hoped they knew she appreciated it all no matter what. Even though the journey had been filled with enormous amounts of pain, she didn't want to fully remove it from her consciousness. She had to remember all the lessons she'd learned and inner-strength she'd discovered so as not to fall back into any old patterns. She thought about all the dreams and wishes she'd had for her life while living in Florida and how far her current life was from it. Thinking about it also brought out some of the anger she felt whenever she compared her dream life to her current life. Looking at the wedding band, Bella finally knew what she wanted it to symbolise.

Holding it tightly one last time, she thought about the life she'd wanted, and with an exhale of breath, she saw herself letting go of that life and instead embracing the one she had now. The one where she had a daughter whom she loved more than anything and where she'd gained a new appreciation for life. It was the one where she'd discovered her own inner strength. She thought about all the built up anger she'd had and how that stopped her from being the person she wanted to be. She wanted to let go of that anger and hatred, and for the first time, step fully into her current life.

Just like her decision to run out of the car and jump off that bridge in Chicago, Bella didn't even think too much of it as she pulled her arm back as far as it would go and then brought it forward, tossing the wedding band into the water.

It was so tiny when compared to the vast open sky and ocean that Bella was only able to watch it for a moment as it sailed through the air before it was gone. As she stared at the place where it had disappeared, she realised that Mrs. Baker was right. It did feel like she was letting go of the weight, and for the first time in a long time, she felt free.

The following Monday, after collecting Alexis from school, Bella sat with her in the car park of the hall where the graduation would be taking place, as they waited for the music teacher to arrive so the preschool class could begin rehearsal for their graduation. The teacher was already twenty minutes late, so Alexis was using this time to fill Bella in on what she'd done over the weekend. Amidst her detailed recap, Bella paused her for a moment to ask her something.

"Did your dad ask again what I was doing?" Bella asked.

"Yeah," Alexis replied with exasperation in her voice. It was something Bella asked her after every visit with Edward.

It didn't surprise Bella that Edward was asking Alexis about her personal life. It just surprised her that he thought he could get Alexis to keep quiet about it. Since she could talk, Alexis had always recapped every minuscule detail of her day to Bella, even if Bella had been there, and that hadn't changed one bit over the years.

From what Bella understood, Edward had begun asking Alexis about what Bella did after seeing her one night with a fellow co-worker. They'd been working late that night and had stopped off for a late dinner. He'd left before she could talk to him. It was just a friendly dinner, but she knew he would have been affected by what he'd seen. There was a time when her only desire was to hurt him like he'd hurt her, but that time was gone.

The music teacher arrived then, halting their conversation. While Alexis went into the hall to practice, Bella waited outside with the other parents. Parents were not allowed in while the class was practicing for Friday. Bella didn't really understand what the big deal was. It seemed a lot for a preschool graduation. The children were just going from one class to the other, but either way, Alexis was excited to show her parents what she'd learned, and Bella knew to sit patiently while she did so.

No matter how much time passed, some days Bella still couldn't believe she was involved in these parenting things. Sitting beside a door covered in children's drawings while waiting for her five-year-old to finish practicing for her preschool graduation was not a picture that fit anywhere into her dreams of her future life when she'd lived in Florida. It wasn't the life she'd imagined, but for the first time, Bella felt it was good enough.

While driving home a half hour later, Bella couldn't stop herself from looking at Alexis through the rearview mirror every few minutes. Alexis was too busy talking about the songs she'd learned and the class party that was coming up to notice Bella looking. Shortly after Alexis was born, Bella had found herself wondering what kind of life she could give to her daughter. Most nights had found her wide awake, terrified of what the next day would bring. Terrified of what new experience would make her feel inept for parenting. Oddly enough, the only thing that could pull her out of those thoughts was Alexis.

* * *

><p><em>Despite all the books at the library that she'd read on parenthood, Bella found that they'd been lacking in several areas with regards to having your first child. For instance, they didn't tell you about the hopelessness you feel when your child has their first flu. Or that, despite what the television commercials might show, no medicine provides the instant relief the actors on screen portrayed. The books also didn't mention that when your child does get sick, you will stay up the entire night just to watch them breathe. It was Alexis's first flu that led to Bella being awake and filled with despair at three in the morning. <em>

_The seven months since Bella had brought Alexis home had been difficult. No matter how hard she worked or how hard she tried, Bella never seemed to be able to get ahead. Now with Alexis sick, she felt even more hopeless and insufficient. She also felt incredibly alone. _

_As she was about to finally drift off to sleep, Bella was jolted awake for what felt like the hundredth time by Alexis's cries. Alexis had been laid to sleep beside her, but that didn't seem to be enough. Picking her up, Bella tried laying her across her chest to help calm her, but that didn't work either. Finally, she stood while picking Alexis up and began walking back and forth, hoping to soothe her. Alexis just continued to cry. _

_It was moments like this when Bella felt vulnerable and weak. It took everything in her to not cry along with her daughter. She didn't know how to do this parenting thing. For a moment, she began to feel that it was her fault and she'd made a mistake backing out of the adoption. Surely Alexis's potential adoptive parents would have done a much better job. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Bella was well aware that she was suffering from some sort of postpartum depression, but reason and logic ceased to exist in her present state. Only the here and now mattered, and the here and now consisted of a crying baby and her feeling at the end of her rope. _

_Prior to everything that had happened, Bella had never been a person to believe in regrets. She never saw the purpose with of it. With all the decisions she'd made, she saw it as doing the best she could with what she was given. "_Feci quod potui, faciant meliora potentes_," one of her teachers use to say._ _Now Bella wondered if Alexis would have been better off with a proper family. Sitting there all alone, she couldn't remember what had possessed her to take on the care of a child when she couldn't even care for herself. _

_Bella had been so wrapped up in her own self contempt that she hadn't realised the crying had stopped. When she looked down, Bella saw that Alexis had stopped crying and was staring at her through sleepy eyes. The day Alexis had been born, Bella had thanked her rarely lucky stars that Alexis's eyes were dark, an indication they would likely turn brown. She didn't need a reminder of the green eyes that infiltrated her sleep to infiltrate into her consciousness as well. Even without the same colour eyes, Alexis still looked a little like Edward. _

"_Some nights," Bella said softly to Alexis, "I wonder why I kept you. It's not that I don't love you, because despite everything, I do. I swear to you I do love you, but I just wonder how selfish of a person I could be that I stopped you from going to a family that could have taken care of you better. Instead I chose to keep you for myself." Bella let out a tired sigh. She didn't bother sitting down, because she knew the second she did that Alexis would start crying again. _

_Alexis made a slight coo in Bella's arms, and Bella held her just a little bit firmer at the sound. Holding her carefully in one hand, Bella passed her fingertips gently over Alexis's nose and cheek. Although Bella saw her every day, it was still weird. She and Edward were parents. They had a child. No matter how she spun that sentence or rearranged the words, it still felt foreign in her mind. But Alexis was real. The feel of Alexis's body against hers reminded Bella of why she ran. Why she had made it this far, and why she had to keep going. In her mind, there was no other viable option. _

_She also remembered why she'd chosen to keep her. Regardless of how she came to be, Alexis would always take up a large portion of Bella's heart. Whenever she thought of being separated from her daughter, Bella felt an emptiness she guessed was similar to having a limb removed. The thought left her feeling hollow. During the past year and half, it had been Alexis who'd kept her going. She'd found the courage to leave when she'd found out she was pregnant. She'd found the courage to put one foot in front the other every day during the last few months of her pregnancy, and she'd found the strength to meet all of the difficulties of a single parent when Alexis had been born. It was Alexis who had gotten her through each difficult and trying moment in her life, and it was Alexis who would continue to give her the courage and strength to keep moving. _

_Alexis had just fallen asleep when Bella felt the ocean of hopelessness recede for now. Blinking back the tears that had begun to form in her eyes, Bella pressed her lips gently to Alexis's forehead. For the first time in a while, she found herself believing that they would be okay. It would be a long road, and it would be difficult, but eventually, they would be okay. _

* * *

><p>"Lexi, you can't pull it anymore. It will rip," Bella said for what felt like the hundredth time. She couldn't understand why the preschool had insisted on dressing five-years-olds in tiny graduation gowns. It had only been fifteen minutes since Alexis had put it on and already she was complaining that it was itching.<p>

"Where's Daddy?" Alexis asked again.

"I don't know," Bella replied, catching Alexis's hand just as she was about to pull at the gown again.

"He promised he'd be here, and it's starting soon," Alexis complained.

"And he will," Bella assured her, but she wasn't sure. On Alexis's insistence, she'd called Edward's phone that morning to make sure he was in Forks, but she hadn't gotten an answer. Then she'd tried again as they were driving to the hall where the ceremony would be taking place. He hadn't answered then either.

"But what if he misses it?" Alexis asked, her eyes scanning the crowd of parents standing with the children. Renee was already seated outside.

"Don't worry. Judging by the amount of video cameras outside it will be taped from at least fifty different angles. I'm sure he'll get a copy." When Alexis looked up, Bella could see the worry in her eyes. Having her entire family there seemed to mean a lot to her.

"He will be here," Bella told her, more firmly this time.

"Okay, parents, I'm going to have ask you all to head out to your seats so we can start," one of the parent volunteers called.

"Are you nervous?" Bella asked Alexis, trying to distract her from her panic.

"No." There was sadness in her voice.

Bella reached forward and gave Alexis a hug. "It will be okay," she whispered to her.

Alexis smiled slightly as Bella gave her one last kiss on the cheek before she quickly left with the other parents. Upon returning to her seat, she felt slightly crestfallen that Edward wasn't beside Renee. She'd hoped that he would have arrived while she was at the back with Alexis.

"Nothing?" Renee asked as Bella sat beside her.

Bella shook her head.

Looking up at the stage, Bella saw Alexis's teacher make her way to the podium. It was while she was going through the standard greetings and welcomes that Bella heard a familiar voice coming up beside her. She turned just in time to see Edward sit beside her.

"Just in time," she whispered to him.

He was slightly out of breath when he answered. "I was held up in Chicago on business, and then my flight was delayed."

"Did you see her?"

"No, I didn't get a chance to. Was she mad?"

Bella just gave him a look, which he understood right away.

After a few more minutes, music began playing through the hall, and the line of children emerged. Dressed in the exact same red gown, to Bella, they all looked alike so she wasn't sure where Alexis was. It wasn't until the students were sitting on the stage that she was able to distinguish her daughter from the others. Alexis was doing a sweep of the crowd for her family, and when she spotted them, with Edward beside Bella, she smiled.

Bella had to admit that even though she didn't really understand the whole reason behind the big celebration, the graduation was nice in its own way. Alexis and her classmates seemed particularly thrilled and proud of their accomplishments, even if the only requirement had been for them to write their own names.

When it was finished, Bella stood outside the hall with Renee while Edward went to collect Alexis. As other parents began to emerge with their children, Bella looked back towards the inside of the hall, looking for any sign of Edward and Alexis. She gave an exasperated sigh when she saw that Esme was talking to Edward. Bella hadn't spoken to Esme since that time in Seattle, when she'd apologised for how she'd treated Bella. From what Alexis had told her, she and Edward had seen Esme around town, and when they did, Esme would say 'hello' to them. It didn't surprise Bella to see Esme there tonight. Her relationship with her ex-mother-in-law had not improved, and Bella was in no rush to change that even though her feelings for Esme had warped themselves from anger to numbness.

A few minutes later, Alexis ran out ahead of Edward and into Bella's arms.

"Congratulations," Bella said.

"Did you see me?" Alexis asked Bella as a tearful Renee pulled Alexis into a hug.

"Yes, we did. You and your classmates sang beautifully," Renee said. Alexis smiled with pride.

As a treat for Alexis graduating preschool, she got to choose how to spend the evening. She chose to have takeout dinner, from her favourite restaurant, at Bella's house and watch a movie with Edward, Bella and Renee. Not wanting to deprive her of her special day, Bella and Edward obliged. Regardless of how they felt about each other, Alexis would always come first.

It was almost ten at night when, after watching three replays of the movie and eating two cups of ice cream, Alexis had finally crashed for the night on the couch. Renee had snuck out of the room two shows ago when Alexis wasn't looking.

"Is she asleep?" Bella asked Edward. She couldn't see Alexis's face from where she sat.

"Yes," Edward said, shifting Alexis slightly so Bella could see.

"Finally," Bella said, the relief evident in her voice. "I don't know how much more of those singing bugs I could stand."

Edward chuckled. "If she were awake, she would tell you that they are fairies."

"Fairies, bugs. Same thing to me."

Bella watched as Edward carefully untangled himself from where Alexis had fallen asleep on his chest.

"Seeing as she still has a slight cold, I don't think I should take her outside tonight. Will it be alright if I took her tomorrow morning instead?" Edward asked her.

"Sure."

Bella left him for a moment to carry the empty bowls into the kitchen. When she returned, she saw Edward looking at Alexis with a small smile on his face.

"She looks so innocent when she's asleep."

Bella had to hold back a laugh. "They all do. It's when she's awake that is the problem."

Looking up at Bella, Edward said, "She reminds me so much of you."

"We both sing off key?"

Edward laughed. "No. You're both strong-willed and stubborn."

"Thanks?"

Then Edward smiled. "You're both also the most determined, courageous and devoted people I know."

"Nice save." Bella thought it would be odd standing around joking with Edward, but she found that it was an easy situation for her to adapt to. They always used to joke around when they'd first met in Florida, and she found that despite all that had happened, she was still able to fall into that moment.

"Do you need any help carrying her into her room?" Edward asked.

"No, I'm okay."

"Okay. I better go then."

"I'll walk you out," Bella said.

After making sure that Alexis wouldn't roll off the couch, Bella followed Edward to the front door. Then standing within the doorframe, she watched him take a few steps away before he turned and looked at her.

She watched him take a deep breath before speaking. "I just want to say, I'm really glad you were able to rebuild a life for yourself and for Alexis."

The sincerity in his voice made her smile. "Thank you," she replied.

As she watched him go, Bella debated with herself whether or not to voice what she was thinking. She realised that right then and there might be the right time to speak what she so badly wanted to say to him. She remembered what Renee had said about regrets and making decisions, and she knew then and there what she wanted.

"Wait," Bella called before he got into his car. "Can we talk for a moment?"

"Sure." There was an uncertainty in his voice.

Edward followed Bella to the swing seat underneath the tree and sat beside her.

"Have you heard any updates on Rosalie?" Bella asked.

Edward shook his head sadly. "She's still much the same. Esme is flying back out to Chicago tonight to stay with her."

"The baby?" Bella asked, though a part of her already knew the answer.

Edward just shook his head. Bella understood.

"Why is Esme staying with her?" she asked, not wanting to dwell on the other subject too long.

"It doesn't seem like Rosalie has any family left, or at least we haven't been able to find them. Also, I think Esme really wants to atone for her sins. She blames herself for what happened to Rosalie and to you."

The numbness Bella felt with regard to Esme caused her not to respond to what Edward had said. It seemed they were all looking to atone for their sins one way or another.

"I feel bad that I didn't do anything to save her," Edward said suddenly. "Maybe if I had, none of this would have happened."

Bella had begun shaking her head before Edward had finished. "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved, and you shouldn't anyway. You can give them options, and let them know you will always be there, like Alice had told Rosalie before she left, but at the end of the day, everyone has a right to live their life how they see fit. Don't get me wrong, I wish it never would have ended like that for Rosalie, but the thing is, it was her decision. What could you have done? Forced her to leave? What after that? Odds are she would have fought you and wanted to return to Emmett anyway."

Bella saw that her words resonated deep with Edward, but he still held some grief in his eyes. To him, it went further than that. It was like seeing his story with Esme all over again.

Looking over the trees that stood just beyond the property, Bella thought through her next words carefully before she spoke them. "I know we haven't spoken about things other than Alexis in a while, and I just want to say thank you for having the courage to file for divorce first. I know that it wasn't something easy for you to do. That divorce was something we both needed. Though I admit, I was a bit surprised when I got the papers."

"Were you angry that I'd filed for divorce?" Edward asked, fear in his voice.

"No, no. I swear to you, I wasn't. I was glad you did it." He seemed reassured by her words. She paused for a second before continuing. "I'd actually sent away for the divorce papers several months before, to file them on you, but I'd just never had the courage."

"Oh," Edward replied. Bella could see the hurt on his face, and for the first time in a long while, she understood why he was hurt. Even though the proof had been there, Bella had never fully believed that Edward had loved her. She never could bridge the two. She couldn't understand how he could love her and hurt her as much as he had. The love she'd grown up knowing was different than what Edward had shown her. She'd believed that when you loved someone, you never purposefully hurt them. That was why she could never make the connection, but for Edward, he'd loved her in the only way he knew how— through violence. It was only when he'd come to Forks that he began to love her in new ways. Through patience and understanding.

"The divorce was something we both needed," Bella told him. "It's a chance for both of us to shed that old skin and start afresh. It's a chance for me to let go of my past anger and a chance for you to let go of the old you." Edward smiled at her words.

"Does that mean you're not angry at me anymore?"

Bella looked up at the dark sky for a moment. If there was one thing she liked about Washington State, it was that on clear nights you saw the stars a lot better than you did in Florida or Chicago. Even rainy, in-the-middle-of-nowhere Forks had something good about it. "I was angry. I was angry at you for so long, and even though I said I didn't, I did hate you. I hated you so much for what you did. I hated you for hurting me despite how much I loved you, and I hated what my life had become. I was angry that everything I'd dreamt for and wished for and planned for hadn't come true. Last year, when I'd said that I would give our relationship another go, that I would give you another chance, I knew deep down I was lying. It was as though a part of me wanted to move on while another part was still holding onto the past. I wasn't willing to put both feet into the pool. I preferred to hold onto my anger, because it was safe. I knew anger. It was easier to be angry at you and not run the risk of being hurt. I didn't want things to go back to the way they were before."

"I don't want things to go back to the way they were before either," Edward said quickly. "I want you to make our relationship hard for me, because it is what I deserve. I know I need to earn your trust. To earn a spot back in your life. I need to show you every day that I have changed. I want you to make me work for the rest of our lives to make it up to you."

"Don't worry; I intend to," she assured him. Then she sighed.

"But the things is, since shedding the past, I've had time to think long and hard about what I want. And you know what?" Bella looked him in the eyes then, and even as she said the words, she could hear the truth and conviction in them. "I forgive you."

Edward seemed to stop breathing in front of her. She could see the shock and slight disbelief on his face, and that didn't surprise her. After the whirlwind relationship they'd had, he'd probably stopped believing she would ever forgive him.

"I'll never forget what happened, but I can't carry that anger in me anymore. I don't want to."

"How long have you felt like this?" Edward asked, disbelief still on his face.

"For a while. The divorce has given me a chance to gain a different perspective. A chance to look back and think stuff over."

"How come you never told me before tonight?" he asked. Slowly, Bella could see that he was starting to believe her.

"I assumed by now you'd moved on. Alexis told me about your dates."

Edward looked at her, confusion all over his face. "How?"

"You shouldn't have phone conversations in front of her. She's her own little gossip column that remembers everything she hears. Except when I ask her to clean her room. That she forgets the moment I say it."

Reaching one hand out, Edward pressed his fingertips gently across the back of Bella's hand, and then down her fingers until he reached just by the tips of hers. She in turn raised her fingers until just their fingertips were pressing together. Bella felt a slight thrill and rush at the feeling. It was the first time they'd touched in a long time.

"I never moved on from you," Edward said. "I've come to the conclusion that it isn't even possible. In the last few months I tried to, but I can't."

"Maybe that is a reason why we aren't meant to be together," Bella said softly.

"Maybe it is a reason why we are. Two puzzle pieces that only fit with each other."

She smiled at his analogy.

"Where does that leave us?" he asked, after a quiet moment.

"Me forgiving you isn't the most important thing," she said.

"What is?"

"You forgiving yourself." She entwined her fingers with his then, and the feel of his hand in hers somehow felt familiar to her.

"You sound like my therapist." He sounded slightly breathless. She didn't know if it was because of what they were saying or the fact that they were actually touching each other.

"Actually, I sound like mine."

Edward sighed as his thumb began rubbing circles slowly on her hand. "I have a lot to forgive myself for. Some days when I think of it, when I think of the long journey it took to get here, I'm disgusted by my actions, and I see myself as the worst kind of sinner. If I were placed in Dante's Inferno, I would have a spot among Judas, Cassius and Brutus. Forgiving myself for all the pain that I caused you, I know I should do it for you, but I just can't see it."

Bella shook her head. "Forgiving yourself is not for me; it's for you."

"Maybe one day," Edward said.

Bella knew better than to push him. Just like her learning to forgive him, Edward forgiving himself was something he had to do on his own.

"So where does that leave us?" Edward asked after a silent moment.

Bella couldn't help the sadness that swept over her as she answered. "I can't deny that I feel something for you. It's the only explanation I have as to why, against my better judgement, I still put up with you. I don't fight you being a part of Alexis's and my life. Despite everything that happened, I do still love you, Edward. I've always loved you."

From beside her, she heard Edward take a ragged breath. She looked at him carefully then and was shocked to see that he looked close to tears. Like a sinner being told his past sins had been forgiven by providence, Edward looked like he'd been delivered.

"So how about we give our relationship just one more go?" he suggested. "One last chance, and if it doesn't work out, then we content ourselves with just being friends, but this time, you give me a full chance. A full chance to prove to you that I will never hurt you again. We let ourselves try, and if in the end, you decide it isn't what you want, then we let it go."

Bella thought about this proposition for a few quiet moments. She did like the sound of it. One last chance to test and see if a relationship with Edward was what she wanted. Doing this, while no longer holding onto her anger, meant she would see their relationship with clear eyes for the first time in more than six years. It meant using the knowledge and caution she'd gained within those years and combining it with the love they'd had before everything went wrong. The opportunity seemed too much for her to pass up.

"One more time?" she asked.

"One more time."

* * *

><p><strong>Well that's it.<strong> **We've finally come to the end. ****I guess this is the part where I post a long sentimental thank you note. **

**Firstly, thank you to everyone who inspired this story. I hope you never find it, and if you do, I apologise in advance. **

**Secondly, to Jennej, kitchmill, everyone at Project Team Beta and all the betas I've worked with during the past 2.5 years. Thank you for all of your help and support. Thank you as well to wime09 for your prereading skills. But seriously, if you post another picture of David Luiz crying, I will never forgive you.**

**Lastly, to everyone who has read this story. Whether you liked it, hated it, thought I handled the subject matter well or thought I should be ashamed for writing it. Whether you were there from the very beginning or only just found it. No matter what, thank you for giving this story a chance. When I first started writing it, I never imagined anyone would be interested, and I understand how important readers are to a story.  
><strong>

**There is no way I would have been able to finish this story with out all of you, so thank you. **

**Y******ou can find me on ****Twitter at XxMementoMorix********

**Now, in the words of Ethel Barrymore, **

**'That's all there is. There isn't anymore.'**


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